Hinata can't recall a time in her life that other people hadn't scared her.
Well, not them so much as what they would think of her.
She knows that part of her skewed self-perception is the direct result of her father, but part of it is just...her. She was always a bit shy and a lot awkward. She was made fun of for her stutter and her odd colored eyes. She was teased for being small and meek for so many years she never expected to be treated as anything but.
Even Ino-her first friend-tried to protect her. She did it out of love, but all that did for HInata was reinforce her self-perception of weakness...of inability. It wasn't until Naruto that anyone treated her like she was capable.
At his side she felt like she could achieve anything.
It was on her own that she still struggled...
She's going to ruin it.
His big night.
Their friendship.
Any chance at reconciliation.
She just knows it.
She is such a mess around people.
She can't even explain it properly.
It's like her skin is too tight and her senses are overloaded and she just knows that everyone is judging her and finding her lacking-even though she also knows that's completely false. But her brain can't seem to wrap itself around that novel little concept, so she's left feeling out of place and edgy and worried about doing something humiliating and then that feeling exacerbates her own natural awkwardness until she can't speak properly (hello, stutter) and can barely manage to lift her eyes from the floor.
She tries to take a calming breath but it gets lodged in her throat.
"Oh, God." She wants to vomit. She's been sick to her stomach all day. Thinking about this evening.
She's shaking so much she needs to lean against her sink, hands braced on the sides as she stares at the white porcelain and tries not to hyperventilate.
Argus whines from the other side of the door.
"I'm okay, buddy," she calls out, knowing that he can sense the utter bullshit of that statement.
She glances up at the medicine cabinet mirror and sees her pale face dotted with sweat, her eyes dilated and terrified. "You can do this," she tells herself. "You will do this. For him."
Reaching down she pulls the lever and plugs the sink, running cold water. She splashes it onto her face in an attempt to calm herself down. The last thing she wants is a panic attack before Naruto picks her up.
Well, no, actually, the last thing she wants is to set foot in a fancy party with sophisticated people that she doesn't know. That's the last thing she wants to do on most days.
"It'll be okay." She breathes out before plunging her face directly into the sink full of cold water. She stays face down for a good thirty seconds before emerging, gasping a little.
Cold.
Bracing.
She stares at her now dripping faced reflection. "He is more important than your irrational fears. Get it together." She nods.
She'll do this.
She'll go.
Despite her every instinct clamoring at her to back out and stay home and avoid, avoid, avoid the humiliation that she knows she's going to bring…
"Stop it."
She's been working with Inoichi on some cognitive behavioral therapies in conjunction with her medication and she was doing better. She handled meetings and clients with greater assurity than ever before. She was even more sociable at work.
A party was a little more challenging, but that didn't mean that she wasn't up to the challenge.
She wasn't going to quit.
Not on Naruto.
And not on herself.
She turns away from the mirror and steps into her shower. She had a big night to get ready for.