Love doesn't die because of distance. It dies because of doubt.
Her mother doubted her father's love for her and it ended up killing her.
Hinata promises herself that she will not allow Naruto to ever feel that way.
He will always know he is loved by her.
Endlessly.
Naruto's quiet.
Too quiet.
There's a cloak of defeat settled on his shoulders and wearing failure is not a fashionable look for him. Hinata had been watching him carefully from the moment he entered her apartment with Shikamaru-watching the slump in his posture, the dullness in his eyes.
She had seen this look before, and it was a terrible-terrible-one to remember.
The last time she had seen his eyes like that was right before he had tried to end himself in a bathtub.
She has to forcibly remind herself that things are different now.
He is different now.
She is too.
She shuffles the officers that flank Naruto on his arrival out of her place as soon as she can. She doesn't like how tense they make Naruto, or the side-eyes they keep slanting his way, like they expect trouble from him at any moment. So she signs their forms, initials where she needs to, and escorts them out with polite efficiency.
Once they're gone and she has Naruto and Shikamaru settled in her small kitchen, she moves about-trying to keep her hands busy so they don't fidget. Plus, she always functioned better busy than sitting idle. She, too, has a cloak about her-but it's not defeat. It's thrumming agitation and...anger.
She's angry.
Not at Naruto.
She can't exactly pinpoint the direct source of her anger.
There's multiple.
She's angry at fate? Maybe.
Definitely at the lying bastards that jumped them.
At herself, for panicking and not thinking clearly enough to stop Naruto from charging into a trap or taking the wallet.
She catches Naruto's eyes flick to her a few times. Like he's uncertain.
For some reason that makes her even more on edge, but she's trying not to showcase her unease, so she crosses her arms to halt her fidgeting and presses her lips tight to prevent their tremble.
He's out of jail.
He's here.
He's safe.
They have a strong chance of having the assault charges dismissed. Things were going to be okay. She had to believe that.
"Can I smoke in here?" Shikamaru's voice draws her from her thoughts. She gives a shake of her head.
"No, sorry. Would you like coffee?" she offers instead. It's late-they've all been busy since early morning but they still have some things to cover, so coffee wouldn't hurt.
Shikamaru sighs, but nods. He and Naruto are seated at her small kitchen table, both men look tired. Shikamaru had burned some midnight oil putting together paperwork before the morning's bail hearing and had been with them ever since.
After placing Shikamaru's mug down, she told Naruto, "I got the stuff for pancakes." It's a small gesture, since they hadn't had to have their celebratory pancakes the other day. She's hoping it will lighten his eyes a bit, but he simple nods and says "okay" in a far too subdued tone.
It's unnerving, seeing him like this.
Defeated.
She takes a breath and moves away from the table, letting the two men talk while she mixes the batter. She made sure to get Nutella and over ripe bananas. After she's made three decent sized cakes, she coats them in chocolate and piles the bananas on top with a sprinkle of powdered sugar. She makes a plain one for Argus, who is at the table as well, settled at Naruto's feet.
His intelligent eyes are solemn and watchful and every now and again Hinata can hear a faint whine emanate from his throat. He, too, is worried-sensing the roiling emotions of the room's occupants. Hinata makes sure to scratch behind his ears when she drops the pancake down for him to eat.
There's no room for her at the table, so she makes her way to the counter, leaning against it.
Shikamaru raises an eyebrow at Naruto's plate. "Nutella and bananas?"
"It's delicious." Naruto's voice is still flat. He sounds tired. Hinata wonders how much sleep he has had-if any. She knows that she barely slept at all, so she imagines that he did even less.
"I have a question," Shikamaru shifts. "Why do you think these people attacked you?"
Naruto shrugs one shoulder. "He didn't want me fighting Muay Thai."
"Because you beat him before?" Shikamaru asks, for clarification.
Another shrug. "Yeah. Um, I wasn't projected to win, so he probably lost out on some money. Didn't want me mucking up the prospects again?"
Shikamaru's brow lifts. "Don't you think that's a little far fetched?"
"What?"
"That sounds like some late night TV shit."
"Are you kidding me? I've seen mother fuckers get stabbed over a dime bag, let alone on thousands." It's the first time Naruto's voice has any inflection since he's been there. He's defensive. He looks between Shikamaru and her. "You two wouldn't get it. 'Money isn't everything' until you don't got none. People like that, they don't take too kindly to someone stepping in a chipping off their dollars. My own coach was ready to take a hit at me for ending a fight at round one. You don't think losing out on thousands of dollars on me wouldn't make a guy a little ready to jump me?"
Hinata flinches a bit at that. Naruto has always had a not so secret loathing of the wealthy-of the people with influence, money and power not doing a damn thing for anyone but themselves. Naruto's life was messed up, far beyond hers. She knows that. She tries to tell herself that his anger isn't at her, but at the unfairness of it all.
Still, hearing him rail against people like 'her' and Shikamaru hurts. She does get it, to a degree. She hadn't had a dime to her name after leaving her father. It took months of hard work and barely eating, and scrimping to manage for a long time. She had her pride and refused help. She had scrounged and saved and worked double shifts through college, still maintaining her GPA and trying to help Naruto. It's not a time she talks about. The only one of her friends that knew how hard she worked and how much she struggled was Ino.
When she finally had enough money saved to buy herself something nice, Hinata had bought her bracelet. It was a symbol that she could make it on her own. That she was the one in control of her life. No one else. Her bracelet was more than a piece of jewelry. It was a message to herself that she could be enough. It was hard for her to always remember that back then...it was hard now. But she was working on it.
"So is there anyone else lying in wait for you?" Shikamaru asks, clearly annoyed and maybe a little condescending. Looks like she wasn't the only one stung by Naruto's remarks.
"Maybe." Naruto's lip curls a bit. "His coach. His manager. His bookie. Anyone who lost on a favorable bet, that I upset."
Shikamaru shakes his head. "That's insane."
"That's life." Naruto's shrug is tight this time.
Leaning back, Shikamaru speaks around a yawn. "Well on that cheerful note, this is basically it."
Naruto blinks, uncertain. "What do you mean?"
"All you have to do is chill here for a few days, and then you're home free. We just have to use the video evidence at the Chinese convenient store-"
"Taiwanese." Hinata corrects automatically-slightly amused that Naruto does so, too, at the same time.
Shikamaru slants them both annoyed looks. "Whatever. And we'll just submit that to-"
"You can't use that video evidence." Naruto cuts him off.
There's a moment of silence before Shikamaru speaks, brows drawn low. "Why the fuck not? That's the only thing that proves they baited and attacked you. And why the fuck you would do what you did and that you're not some maniac that needs to be locked up."
"I'm not the only person that's going to be on that tape." Naruto glances over at Hinata and back. "Contrary to what the judge said, I don't hit women."
Hinata is touched by his concern, but she's already given her statement. In fact, she can sing it on an open stage that she beat the snot out of that woman and unless the woman wants to get busted for a false statement, then she can't correct her. Even if she did amend the charges, the tape clearly shows it as self defense, which Shikamaru is quick to point out.
"I already know about Hinata." Shikamaru states. "It's self defense. That's literally what the tape will prove."
Naruto seems less than convinced. "You don't know that. I got a three months, suspended time served drug misdemeanor when I was eighteen for having three vicodin in my pocket."
Hinata doesn't want to point out that the circumstances are vastly different.
There's no way she's going to jail.
It's unlikely that she would even be charged.
Name and influence do matter.
He's not wrong.
"You didn't have me then." Shikamaru neatly evades. "You do your job, and I'll do my job."
"What is my job exactly?" Naruto asks, rubbing his nose.
"Don't step your goddamn pinky toe out of this apartment. Don't even look at alcohol, I'm not even kidding, if you even so much as ingest vanilla extract or drink kombucha I'll fucking kill you. And pretty self explanatory, don't do drugs, kids. That's it. Don't violate the ankle monitor. That is your only job."
"I-" Shikamaru paused to sip his coffee, "will get the video footage submitted over to the prosecutors. It'll take a couple days. More than likely, they'll drop the case altogether. It shouldn't take more than a week."
"What happens if they don't?"
Hinata shifts at the counter. She and Shikamaru have already gone over this. She knows the worst case. She's not going to let that happen. "Naruto-"
"What do you mean? You want to know worse case scenario?"
Naruto nods.
Hinata is already shaking her head. "He doesn't need to worry about that."
Shikamaru ignores her. "Assault and battery of the alleged nature are usually felonies punishable by approximately one to twenty-five years in prison."
Naruto drops his fork, his tan cheeks going pale.
"But that's not going to happen." Hinata interjects, stepping away from the counter.
"One to twenty-five?" Naruto's voice is hollow now. The defeat is back. "I'm being charged with six of those."
"That's six to one hundred and fifty." Shikamaru confirms, making Hinata want to kick him.
Naruto looks like he might be sick.
"That's not going to happen Naruto." Hinata presses, firm. "Shikamaru is going to email the tapes, and it'll just take a couple days for everything to gets taken care of."
He's not listening to her. He's staring at his half eaten pancakes.
"Going to trial is not what you want," Shikamaru adds. "Getting them to drop the charges is best case. Okay?"
Naruto nods, but Hinata can't tell if he's really hearing them anymore.
"Listen to Hinata." Shikamaru pushes to his feet, tipping his head back to finished the rest of his cup. "I gotta get going. Temari's going to be up my ass."
Hinata walks Shikamaru out before returning to the table and quietly taking the seat across from Naruto, who is still listlessly eating his pancakes. When he finishes, he thanks her, but it's in that same dead tone and her heart clenches tight.
She doesn't know what to say. After a few more silent minutes she clears her throat and gestures to a large cardboard box near her loveseat. "I tried to get anything I thought you'd need from your place."
Naruto paws through the box and pulls out his medication. Hinata feels a sense of relief at that. She hates to admit that in her haste and tiredness she had forgotten to give it to him. She had planned on having it out and ready, but with everything being as hectic as it had been… she sighs, rubbing the bridge of her nose. Her head is snapped up a moment later by Naruto's voice-edged and rushed.
"Did you read this?" His eyes are wide and he's holding the notebook from his bedroom in his hands. It's spine-cracked and worn.
She hadn't.
Well, not past the first page.
The moment she opened it and realized what it was, she had closed it.
Had she been tempted? Of course.
And that made her feel guilty, but she hadn't ventured past the first page.
White flowers.
Feeling a little better. Still miss Hinata a shit ton. Kind of want to die. Am afraid of dying.
She had sat on his-their-bed and cried. Hard.
"It doesn't matter." He interjects before she can reply. His words are quick and rushed. "Can I take a shower?"
She swallows, blinking misty eyes. "Yeah, of course," she whispers.
He buries the notebook with the pile of his clothes, and picks out a couple pieces that he can sleep in.
"The towels are under the sink." She informs him quietly, watching the guarded way in which he moves.
She listens to the shower run as she cleans up the kitchen. When she passes the door she presses her fingertips to it and exhales a long sigh. She wants to say something-anything-that will comfort him, but she doesn't know what words will help and what ones will hurt, so she stays silent.
Argus follows at her heels as she changes into her pajamas and pulls the comforter back and places Naruto's pillow on the side of the bed closest to the door.
A few minutes after she hears the water turn off Naruto steps past the threshold of her bedroom.
"So I got the couch?"
It's like an echo in her mind. The first words he'd said entering her apartment years ago. The lump in her throat swells and she can't seem to move. She takes a few breaths, turning to face him. "This isn't like last time."
He shifts his weight, but remains silent, his gaze dubious and unconvinced.
"It's not." She insists, gaze pleading.
"I was just joking."
It doesn't feel like a joke.
It feels like a chasm.
Between them.
Their past.
Now.
She almost feels like their future is dangling over it.
That terrifies her.
She plays with her fingers, feeling for the band on her left hand. The reminder. "Do you… maybe want to watch something?"
He gives a subtle shake of his head. "I think I just want to lay down."
"Okay."
For an awkward moment, neither move. Naruto does a moment later, his motions stiff and uncertain. Hinata turns the lights off and motions her hand for Argus. He has a dog bed, but he's never slept in it-not even the first day she brought him home.
Naruto lays silent beside her.
Silent minutes turn to hours.
Time is a slow crawl.
Hinata keeps her eyes closed and breaths even.
She can't sleep.
She doesn't know how long they both lay there, when Naruto's soft whisper reaches her. "Do you think, it would've been better if I had stopped calling you?"
She turns, fingers reaching over to him, on his bicep curled inwards. She traces the faint scars, gentle. She doesn't say anything at first, because she has no words.
"Like, if I had left you alone. Like you wanted. If I would've let you go. You dated, you did new things. You think you'd be happier? Without me." His words are halting and heartbreakingly broken.
The idea of Naruto not being with her sets her heart into a chaotic tailspin. "No." Her answer is immediate. "I didn't leave you because I didn't want to be with you. I needed to take care of myself. So did you. But I've never stopped loving you."
His breath shudders out of him. "You don't think you'd be better off if you didn't?"
She frowns. Loving Naruto was as integral to her existence as breathing. "I don't understand."
"I think you'd be happier without me." He tells her, voice flat.
No.
Without him was not an option.
Not again.
Not ever.
Did he want to end it? End himself?
She feels fear claw its way from her gut to her chest, stealing her breath. "Wh-what are you talking about?" Her voice is breaking, but she can't help it. "You love me," she reminds him. "You said you wanted to be with me forever. To marry you. You promised." Is she panicking? She focuses on her breathing, but keeps her fingers on his skin, her eyes on his. You promised.
"I do." Naruto amends. "I love you. More than anything."
Enough to live for?
Enough to stay?
Those words get trapped, so she shakes her head and says, "Then stop asking me things like that."
"Okay. I'm sorry." He responds, tone heavy. "For everything."
Hinata nods. "It's okay." It was going to be okay. She's make sure of it.
"I do love you." Naruto promises her. "I do want to be with you. You're… the best thing that's ever happened to me."
Hinata pushes herself closer, winding herself around him, kissing the side of his face softly. "I love you," she mouths, inaudibly into his flesh.
And she'd be damned if she ever gave him reason to doubt that again.