16 – Dreams That Cannot Be
"In dreams you don't need to make any distinctions between things. Not at all. Boundaries don't exist. So in dreams there are hardly ever collisions. Even if there are, they don't hurt. Reality is different. Reality bites. Reality, reality."
― Haruki Murakami, Sputnik Sweetheart
...
"When you compare the sorrows of real life to the pleasures of the imaginary one, you will never want to live again, only to dream forever."
― Alexandre Dumas, The Count of Monte Cristo
...
Gryffindor tower truly was a lion's den. Full of annoying people who had nothing to do but stare at her in curiosity as if she was some kind of attraction. Haley decided to spend the time until supper in the library. Doing her homework. Not hiding or anything.
When it was finally time to head to the Great Hall, she packed up her Herbology sketches – she had actually been quite productive – and left the library. In the hall, she met a friendly face at last.
"Neville, hi!" Haley greeted the boy happily. "I just finished my sketches for Sprout. Have you done yours yet?"
He nodded. "Yeah. Although they're probably not as good as yours."
As always he wasn't giving himself enough credit. She had seen how well he could sketch plants. He had to stop comparing himself to others. They had talked about this a thousand times. She shot him a pointed look.
Neville glanced away. "Were you studying on your own?" He asked, noticing that nobody was following her out of the library.
"Er…" Haley studied her feet. She hadn't anticipated the question. "Hermione and I… we're not really talking at the moment," she admitted, clearing her throat. "I'm sure… you've noticed." He'd witnessed their fight. And surely he had noticed that Haley wasn't sitting with her once-best friends during meals any more. She started walking down the corridor toward the Great Hall, Neville falling into step beside her.
"Right." He seemed uncomfortable for some reason. "What about Ron?"
She raised a brow. "Well, he's clearly picked a side." She didn't blame him. It couldn't be easy to choose between your best friend and the person you're head over heels in love with.
"A-Are you okay?" Neville asked worriedly. He seemed almost nervous to her.
"Yeah. Why wouldn't I be? It's not the first time we're fighting. She'll get over it."
He rubbed the back of his neck. "No, I meant… I wanted to ask… is it – is it true? That you're… going out with Malfoy?"
Oh. That's what was making him act so strangely.
"Why?" She asked cautiously instead of answering because she didn't know what else to tell him. This wasn't exactly a topic she wanted to talk about with her ex-boyfriend. Especially, while they were still testing out how to be friends again.
He took a deep breath, not meeting her eyes. "It's just… I thought you couldn't stand him. Do you even… do you even like him?"
"What?" She stared at him in astonishment. Was he judging her, too? Like Hermione?
"Would I go out with someone I don't like?" She replied defiantly.
"So, you're returning his feelings?" He bit his lips, obviously not happy to corner her like this.
"I –" Haley started angrily. But then she realized something. She stopped, looking at her friend suspiciously. "What did you just say? Returning his feelings?" She narrowed her eyes at him. He made it sound as if Malfoy's crush had been public knowledge. "Did you know he had feelings for me?"
Neville's eyes widened. "I – I didn't know. I figured…"
Haley glared at him.
"Fine." He sighed. "I knew he liked you."
What in Merlin's name!
"How long?" She asked much more calmly than she felt.
"Well… since… since last Christmas." He admitted nervously.
Since last Christmas. He had known about Malfoy's crush on her for more than a year.
"Why didn't you tell me?" She asked quietly. "I can't believe you've known all this time and you didn't tell me!" Now the anger was surfacing at last.
"It wasn't my story to tell." He looked nervously from left to right. They were in front of the Great Hall now. But she didn't care if anyone heard their argument. "I promised him."
Haley couldn't believe this. All this time… She shook her head, trying to wrap her mind around this. It was a lot to take in.
"I thought you were my friend," she whispered, breathing quickly. Everything she had been through since that Christmas. Neville could have prevented it all. "You should have told me."
"I couldn't," the boy pleaded. "And I am your friend. That's why I'm so worried about you."
"Now you're worried about me?" She fired back angrily.
"Yes! Because I can't stand by and watch you turn into someone I know you're not!"
"What the hell are you talking about?"
"I heard what you said to Hermione yesterday. This is not you." The last time she had seen him this emotional had been when he broke up with her. She chased away the memory. "The Haley I know is a sweet girl who cares about others and would never use somebody's feelings against them." He took a step toward her. "It's what I've always liked about you." He whispered and it broke her.
She shoved him away, trying to ignore the burning feeling behind her eyes. "Oh yeah? That's funny." Never had anything been less funny. "If you liked the old weak Haley so much, why'd you break up with me then?"
He could only stare at her, gaping silently.
"Why?" He had never given her a satisfying reason for breaking up with her. It still made her feel incredibly insecure. Now, she wondered if it might have had something to do with Malfoy.
Neville didn't reply. And Haley was tired of waiting for an answer. So, she turned on her heel and fled. Back into the lion's den.
Since everyone was busy eating in the Great Hall, Gryffindor tower was completely deserted. At least no one was staring at her that way. Inside her dorm, she found herself alone as well. She threw herself onto her bed in frustration.
Alone. She was alone quite often lately. One of her friends didn't talk to her because she thought Haley was a monster. The other didn't dare take her side in their fight. And the last one had kept a humongous secret from her for a year! She didn't know which was the worst.
She wished there was someone she could talk to. Someone who wouldn't judge her. Someone who didn't think she was a terrible person. But there was no one left to confide in. Was she really as bad as everyone thought?
Hidden underneath her bed, Haley suddenly glimpsed something shiny. She reached for the object and picked it up, holding it in front of her eyes. A green gobstone, hanging on an old leather band. She did have another friend left, didn't she?
…ooo…
The Great Hall in Malfoy's dream looks so much like its equivalent in the real world that I wonder whether I'm dreaming or not for a confusing moment. But it has to be a dream. I walked through the boy's dream door only a second ago. Automatically, my feet lead me toward the Gryffindor table but then I realise that the person, I've come to visit most likely sits somewhere else.
I turn on my heel and walk over to the Slytherin table, where I spot his familiar blond hair right away. There is a huge grin on his pale face. He seems to be happy about something. What could it be? He notices me approaching and gets up from the bench, shiny golden goblet in hand. He's positively glowing.
"I passed them," he tells me. "I passed my OWLs! I got an Outstanding in every single subject! I can't wait to tell father!" He looks as if he's about to burst with joy. Then I find myself in a bone-crushing embrace, feeling the joy spread over to me, as if he had slapped it onto my skin with his touch.
Just as suddenly as he threw himself at me, he's pulling away now. Grin still in place. It does look nice on him. Cute almost.
"Come. We have to celebrate," he tells me, grabs my hand and pulls me toward the tall oak front doors. For a second I'm afraid the doors are going to lead out into the dream corridor but surprisingly we simply step into Diagon Alley.
"Ice cream again?" I ask, thinking of the time we had ice cream together at Fortescue's.
Draco shakes his head. "No." He doesn't elaborate on that and instead leads me through the busy shopping street. I let him. I don't know why. I'm not even sure why I've come here again in the first place. Perhaps it's because everything has been so messed up and complicated lately. Real life brings so many confusing feelings with it that don't make sense and lead to nothing but frustration. Maybe I wanted to escape my messy reality for a bit. And what better way is there to escape reality than to slip into somebody's dream world?
"The Barmy Bard?" I wonder out loud, as Draco stops in front of a bar that has a painting of a man with a mad grin and a lute in his hand above the door. The boy winks and opens the door, gesturing for me to enter. Well. It does look nicer than The Hog's Head. Inside, there are people laughing and joking and seem to be having a good time. There is a bar counter to the right and a small elevated stage in the back corner, where a witch that looks suspiciously like Gwenog Jones is playing a jolly tune on the harpsichord.
While I've been busy looking around, Draco has already found us a table. He waves me over toward the back of the room close to the stage.
"Hello darlings, what can I get you?" Asks a warm voice suddenly. I know that voice. I turn my head so fast, I almost fall off my chair.
"Madame Rosmerta?" Why is the bartender of the Three Broomsticks working here?
The woman smiles kindly and raises her brows expectantly.
"We'll have the celebration special," Draco answers her question.
"Coming right up," the woman winks at him and weaves her way past the other tables.
"Why'd she wink at you?" I want to know.
The boy shrugs. "We've had… the one or other interesting conversation."
What? I frown. Is he talking about real memories now or dream conversations? It probably doesn't matter, though. I've come here to relax. Not to wonder why Draco Malfoy is dreaming of beautiful women.
"Here are your drinks." Madame Rosmerta is back with a bottle of dragonwine, two wineglasses and a huge chocolate cake. "I'm at the bar if you need anything else."
We won't be needing anything else, I want to hiss but the bartender is already gone. Draco hands me a glass with blood red wine and grins at me.
"To passing our OWLs!" We clink our glasses together and take a sip of dragonwine. I've never tried dragonwine before so my drink tastes of grape juice. I wonder what Draco's tastes like. Can you even get drunk in a dream?
"Let's play a game," the boy suggests, interrupting my thoughts.
"Hm?"
"Give me your hand," he orders, placing his hand on the table, palm facing upwards.
"Why?" I ask but comply anyway. He pulls my hand across the table toward him and slowly runs his fingers over my palm.
"I've always wanted to try palm-reading."
I roll my eyes at him. Palmistry is by far the least reliable method of divination out there. Even less reliable than reading tea leaves. He should know that.
"Oh." He sounds honestly surprised.
"What?" I sigh in annoyance. "Am I going to die tomorrow?" I've already been through this with Trelawney.
He shakes his head and instead inspects the tips of my fingers. "Do you play the guitar?"
I nod. "Yes. You didn't know?" The question surprises me as well. Playing the guitar is as natural to me as being an excellent potion brewer. But I guess, I've never actually told him. Or anyone really. I've never liked the callouses the strings left on my skin.
"That's so cool!" He exclaims happily. "We can play together some time!"
"Maybe." I'm not convinced by his idea.
"Tell me more about you." Draco says eagerly, still holding my hand. He doesn't seem bothered by my calloused fingers.
"Why?" I ask sceptically.
"No. I've got a better idea." He ignores my question just like that. I should dump my wine over him as punishment. Or squash the cake in his face. Or better yet, eat the whole cake without him. Just as I reach for the cake he fetches a quill from who knows where and sends me an amused grin.
"I'll ask you a question and you have to answer it by writing the answer onto my hand."
What a stupid idea. Strange ideas like this definitely belong to dream worlds. In real life, people don't have these kind of ideas.
"No." I object. "How about you guess the answer?" That sounds much funnier.
He ponders this for a moment. "All right. We can do that. Let's start with something easy then. What about… your favourite animal?"
I chuckle at the predictability of his question while he watches me expectantly. I raise an eyebrow. It seems to make him remember that he's supposed to guess. Draco leans across the table and looks down at my arm.
Then he glances up at me. "You can't look until I'm done," he says.
"Fine." I demonstratively look the other way. He takes his time, the movement of the quill on my skin making me wonder if he's drawing something instead of writing it.
"Are you done yet?"
"Just a moment." There's more eager scratching on my skin and then I hear him clear his throat. Did he draw a whole zoo? "You can look now."
I glance down at my arm and am met with a drawing of an owl and a kangaroo. They both look adorable.
"Weren't you able to decide?" I frown at the kangaroo in confusion.
Draco shakes his head sheepishly. "One of them is your favourite animal and the other is an animal you remind me of."
What the-? Do I remind him of an owl or a kangaroo? I honestly don't know what to think of this. So, I cluck my tongue impatiently and reach for the quill and his arm.
"What are you-?" He protests.
"Returning the favour," I grin, wondering what his favourite animal might be. A snake perhaps? I make sure he doesn't peek and start drawing. The snake turns out looking especially cunning. What about the other? The way he's pouting in that moment, he reminds me of one of Simon's kittens. I try not to smirk as I sketch a little kitten on the boy's arm. It's one of those Persian ones that always look like they're offended. It suits him, I think.
Chuckling softly, I release Draco's arm and gesture for him to look.
He scrunches his eyes together and inspects the two animals on his skin. "How'd you know I liked cats?" He wants to know. "And the snake, really? Just because I'm in Slytherin?"
I snort. "It's the other way around, actually," I tell him, cackling amusedly.
He frowns. "You think snakes are my favourite animals and I remind you of a Persian kitten?"
"Yes."
He sighs. "Come on. A kitten? That's so lame. I came up with a kangaroo." The boy looks so offended that he resembles the angry kitten even more. I can't stop laughing. I feel like I'm only ever laughing like this when I'm dreaming.
"Stop it already." He groans, crossing his arms in annoyance.
"All right, all right." I take a deep breath and bite my lips to keep the chuckles down. "What's with the kangaroo anyway?"
The boy shrugs again, looking to the side. "It's just…" He's blushing for some reason. "When I think of you, I think of someone protective… and strong."
What? I momentarily lose the ability to breathe.
"Like how you're taking care of your little brother… it's… touching."
"When have you ever seen me with my brother?" I want to know. Simon's never been to Hogwarts.
"Don't you remember?" The boy asks in surprise.
I don't know what I'm supposed to remember. So, I shake my head.
"Oh. Well. Never mind, then." He replies quietly. He seems disappointed almost. My curiosity is piqued. But before I can ask him to elaborate, he reaches for my arm and starts to draw something new onto my skin.
It doesn't take this long this time around. He bites his lips nervously, as he lets go and shows me what he's drawn. There are two words dancing on my skin now. The first is Haley and the second Longbottom.
"What does it mean?" I ask quietly. The words make me think of a time when I used to fill up pages in my journal with the exact same combination of names. When I was in love for the first time. The words don't make me feel giddy any more. They make me feel like I'm looking at a memory. Something that's in the past and has nothing to do with my present self any more. How strange. My heart used to be ready to burst, when I only thought of Neville and now… it doesn't even flutter any more. Funny, how you can paint the future in the most vibrant colours but one step in a different direction can blur the picture and lead you somewhere else entirely.
Draco clears his throat. "One… is the person I… resent the most and the other…" He stares at my arm. I think I know what he's going to say. "The person… I care about… the most."
"I didn't know you resented me that much," I whisper, feeling strangely hollow.
He chuckles. "You're not the one I resent."
The words make something happen inside me. I should be angry that he resents one of my closest friends – or former closest friends – but instead my insides fill with warmth and a feeling of light giddiness. I want to sing. I want to scream.
I gently take the quill from his hand and start to write two words on his skin. When I'm done I put the quill down.
The boy gives me a questioning look. "That's only one name."
I shake my head, tapping at each name. "One," I say touching the first name. "And two." I prod the second one.
"I don't understand," he admits, looking from the word Draco to the word Malfoy.
I shrug. How could I explain to him what I barely understand myself? That in my head, I've apparently split up the boy into two separate persons. One that I care about and the other who I don't think I can ever forgive.
As we watch the drawings in thoughtful silence, the kitten I drew stretches lazily and strolls from Draco's pale arm over to my finger which is still touching his skin. It meows and curiously marches over to the owl, the boy has drawn.
"Hey!" Draco protests, as the snake follows, joining the animals on my skin. "You're stealing my animals!"
"I didn't do it on purpose," I say, watching the snake slither across my skin. "I guess, they like me more than you." I giggle.
The boy scowls, getting up and suddenly appearing at my side. He pulls at my arm, trying to make the animals return to his arm desperately. But they won't budge.
I try to stifle my laughter because it seems to annoy him even more. His final attempt is so forceful that it sends me tumbling off my chair and toward the ground.
Only I don't fall to the ground. I open my eyes that I had closed reflexively and find myself lying on soft mossy grass. Right. Still dreaming. The bar is gone and instead there are trees all around. The sun is setting and the first stars are starting to light up the sky. I find Draco lying next to me, not bothered at all by the sudden change of scenery.
His arm touches mine and I catch him scowl at the drawings all over my skin.
It's too funny. But I'm not completely heartless. So, I pick up a feather from the forest ground and lean over his arm to draw something new.
"What are you doing?" He asks quietly, uncertainly.
"Drawing you a friend." With a smile I add some colour to my drawing and let go of his arm.
He looks at the little image sceptically. "Is that supposed to be you?"
I clear my throat awkwardly. "Don't be stupid. Do I look like that?"
He snorts, glancing at the reddish hair, the glasses, the green eyes. I couldn't have made it more obvious. With a pleased grin, he lies down more comfortably, finally seeming content. It makes me feel oddly content as well.
I look up at the stars that are shining brightly above us now. I wish it could always be like this. No irritating friends. No exams. No one who's judging or accusing me of something. No strange complicated feelings that don't make sense at all. No pretending. No barriers. Just this. The feeling of lightness and ease. A moment where nothing at all matters and everything is incredibly important at the same time.
The sound of someone gasping catapults me out of my thoughts.
Curiously, I follow Draco's gaze toward my arm, where the kitten has pestered the owl so much that the bird is chasing it all the way to my elbow. It hisses at the owl and raises its claws, trying to shoo it away. Just when the owl threatens to attack the small kitten with its beak, the kangaroo breezes past it, balling its paws to fists intimidatingly. The cartoon owl hoots and flies back toward my hand, where it perches on my finger as if it's a branch.
"Told you, you're protective," Draco whispers close to my ear. I roll my eyes.
The little kitten rubs its head against the kangaroo's leg and tries to climb onto its back like it's a mountain. It doesn't get far, before tumbling down again. It looks more like a ball of fur now than a cat, causing the kangaroo to laugh.
I find myself chuckling as well. This is hilarious.
"They sure look like their having fun, don't they?" Draco comments with a grin. His head nestles against my shoulder and I feel the way his hair is tickling my skin. It feels so real. I wish it was real.
"They do." I whisper back. We watch the stars twinkle above us and for the first time I regret that I'm the only one who'll remember this tomorrow.
…ooo…
If dreams were like warm comforting blankets that you could wrap around your body so they never ended, Haley would have wrapped herself up in that dream as tightly as she could. But unfortunately the next morning broke and mercilessly shook her awake.
"Um… wake up, please?" Someone was indeed shaking her awake.
"Leave me alone," Haley groaned, pressing her eyes tighter together and willing herself to return to her dream.
"Please. You need to wake up or I'll be late for Potions!" The surprisingly high voice continued to torment her. The hand shook her shoulder again.
"What?" Haley hissed, sat up with a jerk and glared at the unfamiliar intruder. She blindly reached for her glasses and shoved them onto her face.
"Emma?" She frowned at the second-year who was twiddling with her wand nervously.
"Um… it's – it's Emily."
Haley stared at the girl in confusion. "You're Colin Creevey's sister or not?"
"Yes!" The kid nodded, delighted that she had been remembered.
"What are you doing in the fifth year dorm?" She asked sweetly. She was forcing down the urge to throw her pillow at the girl.
"Oh! Um… your friend asked me to look for you since you didn't come down for breakfast…"
"Breakfast? You woke me because I missed breakfast?" She echoed. "I just had the most amazi-" Then she stopped. "Who asked you to look for me?"
"Your friend? The prefect?"
She happened to be friends with both of their prefects.
"The one who always has her nose stuck inside a book." The girl elaborated. Hermione then. Interesting. That was almost as good as an apology.
With a sigh Haley got out of bed. "Thanks for coming to wake me, Evelyn." She said, walking toward her cupboard and fetching fresh robes from the top shelf.
"Emily." The girl reminded her impatiently.
"If you say so," Haley drawled. The kid was still here, watching her curiously. "Didn't you say something about being late for Potions?"
The second-year blanched, turned around and finally left her alone again. She was slowly starting to get used to it.
…
Once Haley was done with her shower, her first class was almost over. It wasn't a big problem since Defence was taught by one of her dad's best friends. Lupin was hardly going to give her a Troll because of one missed class. She'd probably have to explain it to him, though, later on.
History of Magic was up next and Haley tried not to grin at the way Hermione kept sending her questioning looks throughout class, but was obviously too proud to break her silence and actually ask, where she had been. Well. She wasn't going to offer up the information herself.
After Binns ended the lesson, Hermione shot her another impatient glance but in the end rushed out of the class room without saying a word to her. Ron only sent her an apologetic look before following the brunette out. Haley sighed, finding the class room suddenly empty. It looked like she was going to have to sit with the Creeveys once more.
She trudged down the hallway dejectedly, almost walking past the Great Hall.
"Where are you headed?" A bored voice stopped her. The voice almost made her smile. Almost. She looked up, raising an eyebrow.
"Great Hall, obviously," she replied.
Draco – no Malfoy – smirked at her. "The air is so stuffy in there. Doesn't it bother you?"
She snorted. "It's not like there's another place around here to get food." There was the kitchens of course. But she didn't have to tell him about that particular secret.
"You've never been to the prefect's dining hall?" He asked in mock-surprise.
Haley frowned. "Did you just make that up?"
The boy shrugged. "You'll see." He said with a cheeky little grin that reminded her of last night's dream when he had lead her toward The Barmy Bard.
She almost expected him to take her hand this time as well but surprisingly he didn't. He only lifted a brow at her and walked past the Great Hall. He was leaving it up to her.
Well, she wasn't awfully keen on eating with the Creeveys again. Or possibly facing Neville. So, she followed the boy up the stairs instead.
…
"I knew it was made up." Haley commented as Malfoy sat down at the edge of the Astronomy tower, gesturing for her to join him.
"And still you're here," he said with an amused grin. And still she was here. With a sigh, the girl took a seat beside him, letting her feet dangle above the castle grounds. The empty feeling in her stomach made her already regret ditching lunch.
In exactly that moment, Malfoy reached for something that had been hidden in the shadows next to him and placed it between them. It was a huge basket full of sandwiches and pumpkin juice.
"The air is much better up here, don't you agree? Go ahead." He nodded at the food with a gentle smile that left her with a strange warm feeling. Was it possible… that he had lead her up here on purpose? Because he had seen her sit apart from her friends? Because he had noticed her missing breakfast? No… that wasn't possible, was it?
Instead of continuing to ponder the matter, the girl focused her attention on the sandwiches. They were delicious. She ate one sandwich after another, realizing that the last meal she'd had had been lunch the day before.
"Try not to miss breakfast next time," the boy said teasingly, handing her a glass of pumpkin juice. She rolled her eyes but accepted the glass nonetheless.
It was nice somehow. Simply sitting next to each other and having lunch together. Haley almost forgot that this wasn't her friend but – well… someone she had to be wary of at all times.
"So," Malfoy began after a few seconds. "I always thought Gryffindors were inseparable."
Haley stopped eating. He had to go and ruin the mood.
"It's perfectly normal to argue now and then. Don't you argue with your friends?"
"I…" The question seemed to confuse him. Didn't Slytherins have friends? He frowned. "Still… it seemed quite serious. Your fight."
Was he referring to her argument with Neville? He couldn't have missed that. The whole school had seen it. "It was nothing." She shook her head, wondering how much he had heard from their 'conversation'.
"Are you sure?" He asked. "I mean, would you like to talk about it? What were you fighting about?"
Haley bit her lips. The sentiment was nice. But… he was perhaps the last person she would like to talk to about her argument. On the other hand, she didn't have anyone else to talk to, did she?
She looked into the boy's worried grey eyes and tried to bring back the warm fuzzy feeling she'd had in the dream. If he were the Draco from the dream corridor, she would have told him. She would have told him how much Neville's disappointment hurt. That he had been the one person she had wanted to believe in her. That she had trusted him even after he broke her heart. That her 'friend' had lied to her for months. Had betrayed her. Hurt her.
It shouldn't be hard to tell this boy. Perhaps, she could pretend this was just another dream.
She opened her mouth. "I… we…" She started. Just tell him, she thought.
"Was it… about me?" He asked hesitantly. His brows were furrowed, making him seem almost impatient.
She couldn't do it. He wasn't the Draco from the dream corridor. She didn't feel as comfortable and light around him. It didn't make sense. If this had been a dream she wouldn't have had a problem trusting him with her feelings. She would have told him anything. Why was it different now?
"No," Haley whispered. "It's not important. Let's talk about something else."
"If it's nothing important why did you run away, then?" He countered. Why couldn't he just let it go?
"Look. I don't want to talk about it now, okay?" She replied, trying to stay calm. "It's only going to ruin the mood."
Malfoy looked like he was about to argue but Haley cut him off. "Besides, usually people don't come here to talk, do they?" She lifted an eyebrow pointedly.
Not giving him a chance to protest any more, she pushed the food basket out of the way, leaned over and kissed him. Almost automatically, he kissed her back, pulling her in closer with a hand on her neck. She was starting to relax against him, when he pulled away slowly but resolutely.
"What's wrong?" Haley asked, noticing the way he was frowning and chewing on his lips.
The boy sighed. "We shouldn't do this here. It's dangerous." He mumbled, gesturing toward the edge of the tower.
"Are you afraid of falling?" She scoffed. "You're a wizard, aren't you?"
His face instantly paled, which was especially evident because it had been flushed so prettily only seconds before. "Of course I'm a wizard," he replied. "But that won't stop me from falling to my death!"
Shit. Was he suddenly afraid of heights or something?
He got up, glancing away from her. "We should go back. You probably don't want to miss another class."
Something was different about him. He was colder somehow. Closed-off. More similar to the boy who had bullied her than the one who joined her for lunch, so she didn't have to eat alone.
Suddenly Haley realised why she couldn't confide in him the way she would have in a dream. This was real. The difference was that in a dream she could tell Draco whatever she wanted because it wouldn't make a difference in the end. He wouldn't remember. And even if he did, he wouldn't consider the information important. There would be no consequences. In reality every action had consequences. Everything was a thousand times more complicated than in the dream world. Telling him would mean letting him in. Opening herself up and allowing him to see her weaknesses. She would give him the chance to hurt her.
Dreaming was easier. It was kinder. It was safer. There was less to lose.
But there's also less to gain, whispered a voice that sounded an awful lot like her mum.
She shook it off impatiently. She had made a decision, after all. She wasn't going to let anyone hurt her again. Especially not Draco Malfoy.
…
A/N: Hey people! I really like how that chapter turned out! So much happens! All the angst! How did you find it? I was fighting tears when I wrote the scene with Neville in the beginning... Well, tell me what you think! :) Also I read Wayward Son, finally. It was unexpected but I loved it! Come talk to me about it if you need a place to rant :)
Title is inspired by "I dreamed a dream" from Les Mis