19 – Catch Me If You Can
"Sometimes the dreams that come true are the dreams you never even knew you had."
― Alice Sebold, The Lovely Bones
…
"When you have the same dream over and over again, your brain is trying to solve a problem. It knows there's an answer."
― Anne Osterlund, Academy 7
…
Haley wondered what this fresh new promising Thursday was going to bring. It seemed that everything was possible. Suddenly, spring was in the air and there was a bright glow about the whole castle. Not even the Creeveys annoyed her. Much. She even found their current topic in History of Magic interesting (something about a group of magicians who invented the branch of culinary magic). Or less boring than usual. After the lesson was over, she got ready to have lunch with her best friends. Maybe it was even warm enough to eat outside? That would be nice.
With a smile on her face, she bounced down the corridor toward the Great Hall.
"Come on, guys," she called out to her friends, turning around and momentarily walking on backwards. They really were slow today. "If we're fast, we can eat outside-" That's when she tripped.
She saw her friend Ron's mouth open as if to call out a warning. But it was too late. She had already lost her balance. It was only a matter of seconds before she'd hit the ground.
Reflexively, she closed her eyes. Although that was surely not going to soften the impact. Strangely, this time, it seemed to help, though. She landed on something that was far softer than the stone floor. Haley opened her eyes and owlishly blinked up at a boy who was grinning much too smugly.
"You tripped me!" She accused him, pushing his hands off her.
Malfoy's grin intensified. "Bad habit."
"You…" She angrily searched for words. "You… I can't believe you!"
He chuckled. "To my defence, I also caught you before you fell."
"That doesn't make it better!" He was simply too annoying. How was it fair that her stupid heart was already beating faster just from being close to him? Or being touched by him. Or simply from seeing him grin like that.
He lifted an eyebrow. "Not my fault you were walking backwards. Otherwise you would have seen me."
Haley scowled. He seemed to sense he wasn't making it better. He was only making her madder.
"So… I got this from the kitchens." He gestured toward a small basket at his feet. "Let's have lunch outside today."
"What if I don't want to have lunch with someone who just tripped me up?"
He sighed. "I'm s-" He bit his lips. "It was a mis– an accident." He still couldn't do it. Apologize properly. Somehow, she found that endearing.
"An accident?" She repeated mockingly.
He nodded eagerly. "Are you sure you don't want any of the treacle muffins your elf made just for you?" It wasn't the sugary sweet smile on his face that did her in. Or the hopefulness in his voice. Or the fact that his boyish innocence drove her completely nuts. None of that was adorable in any way. What did her in was the promise of the finest treats of course.
"Fine," she huffed. "I won't share them, though."
"I won't share you, either." He replied cheekily, grabbing her hand and pulling her along toward the oak front doors.
"Hey!" Finally, her forgotten friend piped up. "Where are you going? I thought you dumped him!"
"See you after lunch!" She called back, filled with a sudden excitement. Running off with Malfoy like that felt exhilarating somehow. Even if she was ditching her friends for him. Or maybe even because of it. It was one of these things that seemed silly until you tested them out yourself.
She still felt silly but so alive and carefree at the same time. Especially, when they stepped out onto the grounds and warm sun rays greeted them. Spring was almost here.
They were already down by the lake when they remembered the basket.
"What do you mean it's in the Entrance Hall?" Haley asked impatiently.
The boy shrugged. "Does it really matter? I'm not that hungry."
"Maybe I am?" She rolled her eyes. "Summon it, then."
He reached into his wand pocket but then his hand abruptly stopped. For a split second something unidentifiable flickered through his eyes. It was gone before she had a chance to figure out what it meant.
"I–It's not there." He frowned. "Must have slipped into that blasted basket."
Haley sighed. How could someone be this careless with their wand? She drew her own and pointed it at the castle. "Accio basket."
Not even a minute later the basket came soaring through the air with a light blue blanket neatly folded on top of it. After clearing her throat pointedly, she handed it to the boy.
He took the blanket and unceremoniously dropped it onto the grass. Where it unfolded by itself like some super magic blanket. If it was also capable of flying she'd really be impressed.
"Come on, it doesn't bite," Malfoy called, patting the space next to him after he'd sat down on the blanket.
She snorted. "I'm not sceptical because of the blanket." She took a seat anyway.
He raised an eyebrow. "I don't bite, either." Then he seemed to rethink his words. "Unless you're into that kind of thing. Are you?"
Haley chuckled, shaking her head. "Where's my muffin?" She asked instead.
"I'm beginning to think you only came along because of the food." He pushed the basket toward her anyway.
"You caught on to that only now?"
With a glare he lunged for the basket but Haley had already found her treat. Oh, it smelled heavenly. There was vanilla and cinnamon and… sweet Merlin, it was to die for. It was even better than a normal treacle tart because there were almonds inside and some kind of a vanilla cream and –
"You always eat as if you've been starving for a whole week." Draco observed.
That was so not true. "You should see my brother eat." She replied, still chewing. "Watching him makes you wonder if there's actually a hole in his stomach. It's like he does nothing but eat all day. But… I guess it makes him happy so… that's what counts, right?" She shrugged. "Aren't you going to eat? It's kinda creepy if you're just watching me…"
He rolled his eyes but fished a blueberry muffin out of the basket and bit off a chunk. He also kept looking at her. Though his face was softened up by a weird little smile.
Haley frowned. "You can stop staring now. I can't imagine watching me eat is that fascinating." In truth it was the soft expression that unnerved her. It was so… gentle. She didn't know how to deal with it.
He chuckled. "It's not. Your eating habits are incredibly messy."
What? She gaped. Then she quickly closed her mouth because there was still food inside.
"See?"
She narrowed her eyes, polishing off the rest of her muffin in one bite.
He chuckled again. "It's cute, though. Also really messy. But cute."
Haley crossed her arms, feeling strangely exposed.
"But… that's not the fascinating bit."
"Huh?"
There was the smile again. "You told me something personal. And I didn't even ask."
"When did I…?" She went back over their conversation in her mind.
He raised an eyebrow. "When you spoke about your brother?"
"Oh, that." She gave a dismissive wave. "That's not really personal."
"No?"
She shook her head.
He smirked. It made her shudder somehow. "Then that means you can share something else with me."
"What? No. I mean – that was totally personal – I couldn't think of anything more personal – I…" She raised her hands, waving them in front of her defensively to emphasize her point.
The boy sent her an extremely pointed look.
"Fine." She sighed. "What do you want to know?" She drawled as if he'd just asked her to spend an afternoon with a bunch of blast-ended skrewts.
He tilted his head thoughtfully. "Well… you said eating makes you're brother happy." He bit his lips almost shyly. "Is there anything… that makes you happy?"
Oh. She hadn't expected something like that. Did he seriously want to know? It was strange. Being asked so suddenly… She couldn't think of an answer.
"Painting… I guess I like doing that. But… " Did it make her happy? "And music."
"Music? Just listening to it or…?"
"No. I mean I do like listening to it but… I like… how it can reach people. Connect them." Did that make sense? It was really hard to explain.
"Oh. You mean… at a concert. Or… when someone serenades you." And suddenly she was reminded of the dream where she'd been serenaded by him.
"Not… necessarily. Serenades are awfully cheesy. And they are so one-sided. I think…" All of a sudden she felt nervous. But why? "I think that music is something that should be shared. Why should I listen to someone sing for me if we could sing together? I think that would be much more… magical." It probably didn't make sense. He probably thought she was nuts.
"I've never looked at it that way," he mused, lying down on his back and staring up into the sky. "But it actually makes a lot of sense. Somehow."
"You think so?" They did have a similar taste in music, so… She lay down on her side, using her arm as a cushion.
He nodded. Then he turned to his side and picked up a red strand that had escaped from her braid. "We should sing together sometime." He whispered and the strange intimacy of the situation made her feel feverish and nervous. "I'm sure we'd sound amazing together."
"Amazing? If I sang by myself perhaps. Your singing voice is decent, I guess."
"How would you know? You've never heard me sing before." He'd wrapped her lock all the way around his pointer finger.
She had to stop herself from saying 'Yes, I have. Don't you remember? When you serenaded me in your dream?' Maybe it was that easy. Maybe this was the moment where she was meant to tell him about the dreams. Maybe –
"You're right!", she chuckled hysterically. Maybe… if only she wasn't such a coward. "I just figured because… because your speaking voice is already really... musical."
"I'll prove it to you." Phew. He didn't seem suspicious. More determined than anything.
"Now?" She wondered.
The boy shook his head and released her hair, his fingers finding her cheek instead. "Now, I'd like to get a taste of that treacle muffin, you wouldn't share with me." And with that he closed the remaining distance between them and kissed her.
Oh. That's why I put up with you, she thought with a grin as she slowly melted against the boy's soft lips. And while his free arm wrapped around her back and pulled her flush against him, an image flashed through her mind. An image of her singing together with him. And playing the guitar. It would actually be kind of nice.
"If your singing skills are anything close to the way you kiss, I won't need much convincing." She whispered in between kissing him, tangling her fingers thoroughly in his short hair. She felt him smile against her lips. It filled her with warmth and something fluttery. It was a strange feeling. But she wanted to keep feeling it. And maybe that was even stranger.
It reminded her of falling somehow. Scary. But exhilarating at the same time. She'd felt that way in Hedwig's dream, when the owl had pushed her out of the window. But she hadn't fallen for long. She'd landed softly on the back of a luckdragon. Of course, she hadn't known that from the beginning. But the uncertainty offered a certain thrill, if she was honest.
"Are you going to catch me?" She whispered almost soundlessly, leaning her forehead against the boy's.
"Hm?" Draco mumbled, seeking out her lips again. It seemed he found her mouth just as addictive as she found his. "Catch you?" He plucked her hand out of his hair and kissed the back of it, interlacing their fingers. A bunch of stars exploded in her stomach. Just like that.
It was too much. The way his grey eyes were alight with warmth and affection and so much joy. She dove forward and hid her face in his chest. How come he smelled so good? She didn't think she'd ever be able to smell mint and not think of him. But what was that? There was something hard against the side of her face. The fingers of her free hand wandered toward his chest and searched for the source of the bump.
"Oh. I think I found your wand."
"Hm?" He seemed alarmed.
"Here. In your chest pocket."
"Oh. I guess, that's where it was."
"But didn't you check there?" She was almost certain she had seen him do that.
He shrugged non-committally. "What is this, an interrogation?"
"It's just," she frowned. "Are you too lazy for magic?"
"What if I am? I've got you, don't I?"
That smirk. He was such a disgustingly posh prat. "I'm not your house elf."
"And thank Merlin for that. I think you're much better suited as my girlfriend." He pecked her lips, short and sweet. She wished his kisses weren't that irresistible.
"We should go." She whispered breathlessly. "I don't wanna miss Transfigurations." He kept dropping little kisses all over her face. Fleeting, like the touch of butterfly wings.
She was falling. Or was she soaring? She didn't know.
"It's important." She breathed. "We're doing spell observation today."
He kissed her nose. "We're doing the same in Charms. How is it important?"
"Because," She had trouble concentrating, let alone form proper sentences. "Because it's an opportunity to find out… find out where to… to improve."
Draco chuckled. "I think I'll skip. I don't need improving."
Haley shook her head. "How can someone be this annoyingly arrogant? Don't you think you might be a bit overconfident?"
He shook his head. "Not at all." But then he sat up with a sigh. "I'll walk back to the castle with you if you insist." Wordlessly, he got to his feet, picked up the basket and pulled on the blanket. Haley got up as well and watched as the blanket refolded itself, so the boy could place it inside the basket once more.
When he caught her watching him, he nodded his head toward the castle. "I thought there was an important class you don't want to miss?"
"Right."
He walked ahead, carrying the basket in his right hand. Which was annoying because she was walking to his right… Didn't he want to… hold her hand? Was he being shy? Was he trying to annoy her on purpose?
"Why are you glaring at me like that?"
She rolled her eyes and skipped over to his other side. She cleared her throat pointedly, curling her fingers outward invitingly.
He frowned. "Is there something wrong with your hand?"
That boy was too stupid. She was sure he knew exactly what she was hinting at. She pulled her hand back, shoving it into her pocket. "Forget it." She hissed.
But then he chuckled quietly and pulled at her hand. She fought him. Just out of stubbornness. "You're an idiot."
"Maybe…" he mused, his fingers dancing over her wrist. "But I can still catch you."
Huh? Was that an answer to her question earlier? Did he even understand what she had meant by it? In any case, the words distracted her so much that she forgot to keep fighting him. He pulled her hand out of her pocket and slipped his fingers through hers. She let him. It felt too good to keep fighting it.
And the way he was smiling. She was falling too fast. Stupidly, dangerously fast. There was no way back. She only hoped he was going to keep his word and catch her.
…
"So, did you get a chance to tell him?" Hermione asked her during supper.
"Hm?" It was fun pushing the peas on her plate back and forth. They distantly reminded her of something. A memory?
"When you were out with Malfoy," she explained impatiently. "Did you talk things out? You know, about the dreams?"
It was a good thing there wasn't anything in Haley's mouth. She coughed in surprise. "No-Not yet."
"Haley, we've been over this. You have to tell him. You can't base a relationship on a lie." To her credit, she was trying to talk quietly. But the sternness in her voice was still undeniably present. She'd make a good teacher, Haley thought.
"It's not… based on a lie," she argued. "And I'm going to tell him. When… the moment's right."
Hermione sighed. "There's never going to be 'the right moment'! Just get it over with. If he really cares about you, he'll understand and forgive you."
Haley snorted. Malfoy and forgiveness. She couldn't think of anything that was less likely.
"Forgive you?" Ron asked. "Why? Shouldn't that git ask you to forgive him? You're not the one who's done anything wrong."
Ah, friends. It was so uplifting when someone took your side for once.
"Actually, Haley's the one who-" Hermione began to explain but Haley interrupted her.
"Why don't we finish this conversation somewhere with less curious people around." She sang sweetly, after having noticed how suspiciously quiet everyone around them was. Even Neville was among the listeners. She shot him a glare before impaling one of her peas with her fork. He looked away guiltily.
But the damage was already done. Her exhilaration from lunch break that had filled her with lightness and joy was gone. Like a candle blown out by the wind. Taking away all the warmth and leaving her cold.
She knew she had to tell him. It was time she plucked up that Gryffindor courage everyone was always fussing about and got it over with. If only there wasn't something holding her back. Something at the back of her mind, she couldn't quite grasp. Maybe her mum would be able to help her. To give her that final push. She was incredibly good at that.
…ooo…
Mum will know. She will tell me what to do and help me find the right words. She'll know. She always does. She'll tell me what to do and then… then everything will be over. She'll probably tell me not to come here again… She'll tell me I can't go and visit Draco any more. Just like Hermione. But… I have to see him again. Just one last visit. To say goodbye. That should be okay… right?
Before I can talk myself out of it (or risk being spotted by mum) I turn left and head down the corridor past Simon's dream door toward Draco's. Just one last time… I pick up the guitar and play the intro to Magic Works. My fingers slip once or twice but Myron Wagtail doesn't seem to notice. Or maybe he notices and still lets me in. I can't be sure. He gives me a wink. Whatever that's supposed to mean.
Of all the things I expected to walk into, it's definitely not the town I grew up in. Godric's Hollow. Or even more specific, the playground close to the woods where Simon and I used to play. Well, and all the other children from Godric's Hollow. And there in front of the climbing frame I see… myself. But I'm at least five years younger. The younger version of me is kneeling on the ground next to a collection of shiny gobstones. A younger version of Draco stands in front of her and glances down at her with crossed arms. I will myself into being small again like when I turned myself into a little fairy. I'm going to watch them for now.
As I get closer to the scene I can actually hear what they're saying.
"That's a silly game," he drawls arrogantly.
"Have you ever played it?" Young Haley asks, arranging the stones around the circles on the ground.
"No." He scoffs. "Father says so. And besides, I wouldn't want to get my robes dirty."
Young Haley laughs loud and carefree and the sun catches in her hair, making it glow like an amber. "That's a stupid reason." She replies. "Come on, I'll show you how to play. It's fun."
The boy keeps watching her sceptically.
"Come on," The young girl says impatiently and pulls him down by his sleeve.
Watching the two children play feels like deja-vu somehow.
"So, what do you think?" Young Haley asks after their first game.
"Well, it's not that bad, I guess." The boy admits snottily.
The girl grins. "See. I told you. Here, take one."
Draco seems confused.
"A gobstone. Chose any you like."
He glances from her to the heap of shiny stones in all colours of the rainbow. His hand hovers above the stones for a moment, indecisively.
Suddenly I'm sure he'll take the green one. I'm not sure why exactly.
He picks an amber-coloured one. How strange. I could have sworn he'd take the-
He places down the amber one and picks up one of the green stones. Then he grabs the amber one again, frowning.
Young Haley laughs again. "Just take them both. If you like them so much."
"Really?"
The girl nods. "Or actually, you can have all of them. I've got another set at home." She smiles.
Draco doesn't wait for her to change her mind and instead drops stone after stone into a small sachet.
"You're not going to thank me?" The young girl asks.
Draco gets up. "Perhaps… next time."
"Next time?" She jumps to her feet. "When's that gonna be?"
In that moment, high wailing sounds disturb the air. Simon is running toward the climbing frame, demanding his sister's attention at once. Dear Merlin, he's so tiny. He can't be older than five.
"They took my ball." My brother cries, throwing himself at his older sister. "They took it and now I can't find it any more. It's gone!"
He sobs heart-wrenchingly which breaks my heart and I want to go over there and comfort him. But… I'm too small for that, of course. I'm barely taller than a beetle. So, I tap over toward my ten-year-old self and my brother, hop onto the girl's arm and crawl up toward her shoulder.
I reach down to pat Simon's bronze locks, when I notice that the boy's hair is blond. It's Draco. Simon's gone.
"It's gone," he whispers frantically. "It's gone, I can't find it. I lost it!"
"Shh, it's okay," my younger self whispers, patting the boy's back.
"I had it just now. But it's gone… gone…" He keeps mumbling as he looks through his robe pockets and pats the ground urgently.
"Don't worry, we'll find your stone." The younger girl soothes.
"No, we can't. I lost it… I… It's gone! I can't find it… I can't–" He suddenly looks up at the girl in alarm. "You can't tell her. She'll be mad. She can't know – ever – she can't–"
"I know. It's okay. I won't tell her." Young Haley combs her fingers through his hair and smiles warmly at him.
"You can't tell her – she'll – she'll never talk to me again – she'll never–"
"She'll understand. I'm sure she will. You didn't lose it on purpose. It's just a stone."
"No, no, no. You don't get it!" Draco has grabbed the girl's shoulders and I quickly hide behind her neck. There is something desperate about him. Almost mad. I mean, we're talking about a stupid stone here. What's wrong with him?
"It's gone! I've lost it!" He emphasizes. "I'll never get it back. Don't you understand? He took it from me. He's taken everything."
"Who?" The girl asks in confusion.
For a moment his eyes glow dangerously. Then he spits out one word. "Longbottom."
What? But I'm the one who stole his gobstone. Why…?
With a voice that sounds like it comes from the grave he adds, "He took it all away. All of my magic."
The completely broken look in his eyes shocks me into tumbling down younger Haley's arm. I end up sprawled on my back between the boy and the girl.
I don't see their reactions. My nose starts to tickle madly and I –
…ooo…
Haley sneezed. Violently. She didn't know where she was. Everything was dark and she felt terrified. Her heart was thudding in her chest like she'd just run to the forbidden forest and back. Draco. Where was he? Where –
There was some kind of white object resting on her blanket. She found her glasses and lit up her wand. Then she picked up the object and inspected it. It was a feather. One of Hedwig's. But she was nowhere to be found. The window was slightly open though. Could she have been here? Had she come and woken her up on purpose? Had she… somehow known about the dream? But that wasn't possible, was it?
Before Haley had actively formed any kind of plan, she was already slipping into her shoes and fetching her morning robes. She felt much too awake to try and fall asleep again.
Picking up her Magnificent Marauder's Map just in case, she tip-toed out of the dorm. She didn't really have a goal in mind. Somehow, it felt like she was sleep walking. Her mind was foggy and unfocused. Maybe she was still dreaming.
A few moments later she found herself climbing up the stairs toward the owlery. It was less crowded than during the day. Most of the owls were probably out hunting. Between hunting and delivering letters, when did they even find time to sleep?
Hedwig was sitting on the low stone wall, as if she had been waiting for her. She hooted expectantly, staring at her with her piercing yellow eyes.
Haley stumbled forward, dropping to her knees in front of the wall, that opened up into the night sky like a glassless window. She let her head sink onto it, cushioned somewhat by her arms.
"Hedwig," she whispered weakly. "I just had the strangest dream."
She almost expected the owl to answer but of course she didn't. Instead she nipped at the girl's nose. Lightly.
"Oh, right." Haley looked inside the pockets of her morning robes and found a forgotten owl treat. She only hoped it wasn't too old for the bird.
"Were you the one who woke me up just now?" She whispered, offering Hedwig the treat.
The snowy owl rolled her eyes but accepted the treat anyway.
"It would be a lot easier if I could properly talk to you. Like when I'm dreaming." She reached out a hand and gently stroked the soft feathers. It was comforting in a way.
"But… I mean… it was just a dream, right? It doesn't have to mean anything. It was… nothing but a nightmare."
Hedwig hooted and gave her a pointed look. She seemed to be saying 'Is that what you really think?' or maybe 'I thought you were smarter than that'.
"Well… maybe not the first half. I think… it could have been a real memory. It all seemed so familiar. And I do remember giving my gobstones set to some boy when I was younger. I just never… connected that boy with Malfoy."
They'd met as children. Even before Hogwarts. And then another puzzle piece appeared. The gobstone… she'd stolen from him. The one he'd been searching for in that dream… was it possible that it was one of the gobstones, she had given to him back then? Had he kept it all of these years?
"I'm sure it was just a dream," she mumbled frantically, trying to convince herself. "Neville would never… He'd never do something like this. Not even to Malfoy." The gentle way in which he handled plants and other people simply told an entirely different story. But then… she suddenly remembered another dream. Weeks ago… where he'd had a fight with Draco. Where he'd taunted and ridiculed him. Draco had tried to fire spell after spell at Neville but his wand hadn't worked. But perhaps it meant nothing. Perhaps it was just that he felt insecure compared to the Gryffindor…
"It would explain why he despises Neville so much," Haley mused. Then something else came to her mind. "Or why he always finds excuses not to use magic." She stared at Hedwig, her eyes wide and disbelieving. "Hedwig, do you think it's true? Has he really… lost his magic? Is that even possible?" She shook her head. "I just can't imagine that Neville would ever do something like that."
The owl tilted her head to the side but didn't give her an answer. Haley sighed. She rested her chin on her arms and stared out into the night sky as if it held any answers. But the night was silent. And the stars didn't speak to her either.
…
A/N: Hello everyone! I don't even know what to say. I dropped a lot on you in this chapter, I guess... Let me know what you think? Was it just a dream? Could it be true? Is the summer sun scorching you as well?
Keep reading and stay safe :)