Soooo I was going to reveal the not so secret secret in a far more dramatic fashion but then I figured that would probably be overkill.
And I think everyone has waited long enough for me to finally confirm the not secret secret.
Jiraiya was pissed, and maybe a little bit apprehensive too.
He wanted answers. Wanted to get rid of this horrible suspicion in his mind that was hopefully completely unfounded. It could just be coincidence, right?
And if it wasn't, there would be hell to pay.
Thus, with this goal in mind, he slipped through the window of the Hokage's office, straight past his ANBU guards that simply sighed in resignation.
The Hokage was at his desk, sorting through a heap of junk- ahem, paperwork.
It didn't mean he didn't notice his ex-student's entry. And the sigh he heaved, that long, drawn out sound was enough confirmation and Jiraiya felt his heart drop like a brick in his chest.
But no, he needed verbal confirmation.
"How may I help you, Jiraiya?"
Jiraiya leaned against the back wall, forcing the Hokage to swivel in his chair.
"Sensei, good morning to you too. Is there maybe something, just a little, teeny, weeny something you maybe have been withholding from me for a few years now?"
Jiraiya's expression was bland, not betraying his true inner turmoil… and rage.
The Hokage rubbed his face with his hands, sighing once more. He knew his student well; knew what was under that neutral façade.
"I was going to tell you. But I needed you to focus on your tasks, the village needed all the intel you could gather. And in all honesty by the time I knew, there was nothing you could have done. Danzo found out before us all."
Jiraiya breathed out through gritted teeth, causing a faint hissing noise. The first indicator of his true anger.
"How long have you known?"
"About five years now."
"And Danzo?"
"The same."
There was a silence, Jiraiya pushing off the wall and coming to stand in front of the seated Hokage.
"And the mother?"
The Hokage set his pipe down, looking out the window absently.
"As far as I have gathered, a simple prostitute, possibly an immigrant from the land of Lightning. That was all I could find. She died during the childbirth."
Jiraiya shook his head and turned away.
"I can't believe you. I can't believe you would keep this from me. My own child, Sensei. And I never even knew. Not until now. How dare you keep this from me!"
His voice cracked towards the end, becoming hoarse.
"Jiraiya, I-"
"Save it, Sensei. I don't care. Tell me; who else knows?"
There was a hesitation, and Jiraiya didn't miss the way the Hokage swallowed minutely. Oh Kami. This was going to be bad.
"Orochimaru found out-"
"OROCHIMARU!" Jiraiya roared. "Orochimaru knew before me? I need to take the boy away! I need to protect him!"
"Jiraiya! Calm yourself. He will be protected here. Taking him away will only lure Orochimaru to you; you will become compromised. He will be much safer here."
"Orochimaru is going to be in the village for the chunin exams; you know as well as I he intends to sabotage the exams and kidnap either Itachi or his brother, and perhaps even strike the village. At least let me take him out for the duration of the exams."
"Removing him for that duration will draw attention and the village will grow restless. Not only that, it will only broadcast your relationship to him. He will become far more endangered after that."
Jiraiya slowly on the edge of the Hokage desk and groaned into his hands.
"I wish you had just told me."
"I know. I'm sorry."
There was silence.
"I always wanted one, you know. A kid. I guess it really is as they say; be careful what you wish for. Kami, I don't even know his name!"
The Hokage's voice was gentle.
"Jiraiya… I know it is hard… but I believe it is best to let this one go. He can and will be used against you; the less attached you are, the better. Despite Danzo's early intervention, he has resisted conditioning and I managed to get him out of the program. He has friends; you saw him with the Uchiha and Minato's son. He has his own life and has made do alone; he will be fine."
"And if Orochimaru gets him?"
"…then the village will try its best to retrieve him. But you know how hard Orochimaru is to track. He would be in Kami's hands."
Jiraiya looked up at the picture of the Fourth, and something sparked in his dull gaze.
"…No. He is my responsibility. I might not get another chance like this. I will stick around until after the exams, as you have requested. Then I'm going to take him with me. And Minato's kiddo too."
The Hokage didn't look surprised; his expression was resigned but a small smile quirked his lips.
"You would have to take the Uchiha boy then, too; the three are inseparable."
"I can't believe you never told us!"
Naruto had rounded on me the moment team ten left, the friendly façade he had up dropping to show his hurt and anger.
"What was I mean to say?" I snapped back. "It was never the right time! How was I meant to bring up such a subject?"
Sasuke and I watched, with widening eyes, as tears began to pour down Naruto's cheeks. He held his palms over his face, his lips tugging downwards as if he were attempting to hold back sobs.
"Naruto!" I yelped, horrified. "Naruto, what is it? Look I'm sorry, it's just… it never seemed right to talk about the Mischievous Maidens or the fact I was a… a spy…"
This didn't seem to be the right thing to say.
"BAKA!" he screamed through tears, his voice cracking. "I never knew… I never knew what you were going through! Why would you never tell us? I trusted you! All those times you told me everything was ok…"
And then he was running out of the room, the house, slamming the door behind him.
I felt the blood drain from my face as he left, and I clenched my hands around Puggy.
"He's right, you know…" Sasuke said quietly, also walking out. "We trust you. If you want to keep it that way, you shouldn't hide such things from us."
And then he, too, disappeared and my mouth dropped open. I couldn't believe it.
Why was I getting guilt tripped for this? I had just told them everything! Everything they always wanted to know about me. I had grown up beside them and they had accepted me and my secrets, but now that I had told them they decided I was untrustworthy?
I scowled and stormed out.
Life is so not fair.
Fortunately, after Naruto had his little breakdown, I was quickly forgiven. For the moment, anyway; we had far greater things to worry about.
And so, the next morning, Naruto let me tag along to train with Jiraiya.
While he was leading me to wherever we would be training, he began to fill me in on what he had learned about Jiraiya yesterday.
"I'm not kidding, this guy is a seal master. For him to be able to remove that seal Orochina – Orochimari? Orochi-teme put on me, with just one attempt, he knows his stuff. I think he'll be able to teach me more about fuuinjutsu! I showed him what I could do yesterday, and I think he was super impressed! What are the chances he happens to be a seal master? So cool! But he's also a total perve…"
We landed next to a stream surrounded by foliage. It was a nice spot; it didn't escape my notice that it was conveniently near a waterfall, which was a commonly known hotspot for people to swim i.e. women in bikinis.
Naruto bounced on the balls of his feet with excitement as we waited, and I myself had a tight coil of nervousness and anticipation in my gut. The idea of learning from a sannin; it was like a dream come true! Maybe I could even become his apprentice! He could teach me how to be badass! Not that I wasn't already, but there is no limit to badassery one can learn.
I mean, I knew that I would meet Jiraiya at some point, but it didn't make it any less exhilarating. Even if my first time seeing him, drunk on the ground, was less than inspiring. But I knew it was an act.
Ten minutes later, there were several high-pitched screams coming from the direction of the waterfall, and a moment later Jiraiya came flying into the clearing – and this time it was not at all glorious or spectacular. He faceplanted onto the ground between Naruto and I, his face glowing red from several handprints.
"Pervy Sage! Pervy Sage!" Naruto bounced enthusiastically beside him, seemingly not noticing the man's state. "Let's go! Teach me! Oh, and I brought my friend today, he wants to learn from you too!"
Jiraiya rolled over and sighed, squinting against the sun.
"Ugh… another runt to waste my time on. Just what I need."
Then he dragged himself to his feet as his words sunk in.
I take back everything I said about him. This bastard; he's not spectacular! How could I have even thought it! I bet he wasn't acting yesterday, either, the useless turd!
"Hey!" I shrieked, my anticipation and nervousness vanishing within seconds. "I'm not a runt! I'll kill you!"
I lunged at him and pounded angrily on his chest. He yawned as if bored, and then he patted me on the head patronisingly.
"Sure kid. Anyway I don't have time for this. I'm in the middle of my research."
"What! But you promised!" Naruto cried.
"I didn't promise anything! I said to meet me here in the morning, and here I am!"
"You're just making excuses!" Naruto screeched, outraged, and joined me in trying to tackle him. I had my arms around his midsection and was trying to push him over, but he was as solid as a rock.
"Too bad."
And then he disappeared, causing me to tumble to the ground as I found myself grappling at nothing. Naruto landed on my back, but I was not deterred. We were on our feet within an instant.
Naruto and I didn't even need to look at each other to be on the same page.
Naruto created several clones that promptly split up, and I joined the original.
"Let's try the northern onsen first!"
"Got it!"
We found him not long after, not at an onsen but at a bar. He was trying to chat up a girl.
Of course that would not do. We quickly prepared a simple prank that consisted of Naruto using his sexy jutsu and luring him outside where I would be on the roof with a bucket of paint.
It probably wasn't the best way to endear him to us, in hindsight. But at least we got sweet revenge, right?
He yelled in horror as the paint splashed all over him, turning his hair a light green.
"What was that for, you stupid brat! Now how do you expect me to get the ladies- I mean, my research done?"
"Serves you right," I sneered in response, while Naruto fell to the ground laughing, his henge dropping. "And if you don't teach us, there'll be more where that came from!"
Jiraiya sniffed haughtily.
"Fine, I will teach you. But! Buy me lunch first."
"Yatta! Ichiraku ramen here we come!" Naruto yelled, punching the air with his fist.
A quick water jutsu later and the paint left his body and dissipated.
Naruto and I rushed him towards the Ichiraku joint, our enthusiasm having returned tenfold. Any excuse to get ramen was welcome.