Otis worked the two days leading up to Christmas, trying to fill his time as best as he could.
The 23rd was his birthday. Happy fucking birthday to him. The only thing he had ever gotten was beaten. The gift his parents gave him for his seventh birthday was the first time he had been sexually assaulted. What a wonderful gift for their little albino bundle of joy.
He fought the chill with the denim jacket he had stolen, hoarding money for when he really needed it. He didn't want to spend it on unnecessary things like clothes.
Bitterness filled his heart as he saw the happy children walking down the street. Excitement dancing in their eyes along with the white string Christmas lights hung around the town. Little fuckers had no idea how good they had it. He longed so much to hear the words 'I love you'.
"Hey, kiddo. You look a little sour."
Otis just shrugged.
"It's Christmas time! How can you be so sore about it?"
"Never meant anything different to me." He averted his gaze, hoping the old man would catch on to what he was saying and leave him alone without pressing about his past.
"Well...Did...Did you get your shopping done?"
"What?"
"For gifts!"
Otis snorted. "Don't got no one to give to."
"What? You're...You're alone?"
Otis nodded.
"Even on Christmas?!"
"Old man, I told you, I ain't got no one."
"No family?"
Otis shook his head.
"No friends?"
Again, Otis shook his head.
"You...You're alone?"
"People come with risks I'm not willing to take."
"Ohh, come on now, son."
"I'm fine."
"Why don't you come over to my house for Christmas? My wife wouldn't mind! We just have all this extra food and...And why, there's no reason you can't come!"
"I...I said I'm fine..."
"Who wants to be alone at Christmas!"
"Me...P...Please...I appreciate the offer, I really do...But...But I...I'm going to decline."
"Well...What if I brought you some food to your house."
There was a rotting corpse at his apartment in his bed, it was technically abandoned and he was squatting. "Uh...N...No, that's alright."
"Why?"
"I...I don't want to take from you. Please, just..."
"Okay. Okay. Just know that the offer still stands, if ever you need anything. Alright?"
Otis nodded. "Thank you."
Christmas Eve rolled around. Otis perused the bars for a sad, lonely girl to have sex with. He found one. One who's boyfriend had just broken up with her. She wanted revenge sex, which was just fine by Otis.
They fucked in the back of her car, rough and dirty and sloppy, but god it was good. And it felt good. It felt good to use someone like he had been used.
Stuffing himself back into his pants as he walked away from her car, he smirked to himself.
Merry Christmas. Ho Ho Ho.
He stopped by the liquor store and bought two bottles of the cheapest hardest shit he could find. He drank one bottle that night, curled up in his makeshift bed, listening to the hustle and bustle on the street.
The next day was Christmas. Otis watched the dead street, thinking about all the festivities other families were taking part in. Did he even know any? What did people do around Christmas? He had had no idea his life wasn't normal until he started looking out the window at the other children passing by his window as a child. He had an inkling then, but who knew what happened behind closed doors? Maybe this was just how children grew up.
When he finally was set free was when he realized just how terrible it had been. Just exactly how not normal all of the brutality he faced was.
He nursed his bottle as the sun went down, listening to the Christmas music blasting from a neighbor's house. Sitting by the window, he saw it begin to flurry outside. He had never seen snow before. But he knew it was cold, and had no interest in going out into it whatsoever. Not when he was relatively warm and comfortable. He watched it, though, marveling at its simple beauty. Why could people consider one white thing so beautiful and then laugh in his face when he just wanted a fucking job?
He envisioned children opening their gifts from under the tree, squealing in delight at the new doll or truck or what ever the fuck their parents had gotten them.
He wished someone would just love him...But he was so, so scared. He was so afraid of being hurt again. That first girl...Caroline...Had hurt him so much. She had torn at his self-esteem and self-worth, diminishing him to less than he had been already. He hated her for it. Despised her. She had used him just like everyone else had. But it was his fault, he had taken the barbed wire away from his heart and had let her in. And she had made him bleed like everyone else had. It was his stupid fault. So this time, the barbed wire sat atop a mile-high brick wall over his heart. He would never let anyone in again. Not like that.
But god, DAMMIT he just wanted to be loved.
He watched a couple walk happily down the street, hand in hand, and kiss each other in the falling snow. He watched a family skip down the street, either parent on either side of a giggling little girl as they swung her playfully.
"Merry fucking Christmas, Otis..." He muttered, taking another swig of alcohol. The burn down his throat numbed the pain in his heart.