As always, thank you so much to BK2U for editing this! I was SO super happy to see this in my email! Thank you for your help with a few ideas and for editing this so quickly.
Thank you so much to everyone who's reading and reviewing. I hope you guys all have a wonderful weekend :)
My eyes open to the sound of Kenan's voice somewhere in the distance.
I blink slowly a few times; it doesn't take half a second to realize I'm not in my room, but still in Violet's. I lie perfectly still, slowly becoming aware that her body is now pressed up against mine, her back is against my chest, and one of my arms was flung over her at some point during the night. I'd clearly enjoyed my time beside her, having slept like the dead, and it's with surprisingly great reluctance that I force myself up and away from her.
I swallow heavily.
She smells good.
Not like the shitty shampoo I'd been given to wash my hair with, and not at all like the cheap soap that I'd used to try to scrub away my day.
She smells clean and good, like something I recognize but can't name.
"Who did this?" Kenan demands, his voice echoing in the hallway. "Who in their right mind would think this is funny? Did anyone call Dr. Branger?"
"She's not here!" someone yells back at him, and Kenan swears loudly.
"Alright. Room check everyone — now! We'll radio that everyone will be late for breakfast. Anyone not in their room is a suspect."
Fuck, again.
I wonder what time it is as I rub my eyes, trying to force myself awake. It's embarrassing how much I'd rather lie back down, but I don't need Kenan or anyone else stopping by my room and discovering that I'm not there. So, I ignore the small squeak from Violet as I pull even farther away from her, then gracelessly climb over her and off the bed.
Once my feet hit the floor, I feel a great rush of annoyance. The air in the room is icy cold, her selective special heating having been turned off at some point. My entire being demands that I climb right the fuck back into bed, burying myself beneath her warm covers and shutting my eyes until I'm unconscious. In my sleep, it was easy to be anywhere but here, with her.
Unfortunately, my brain also conjures up the image of Kenan, currently still swearing and very near Violet's door, and I realize I'm screwed either way.
"Shit," I hiss, realizing I may not even make it back to my room. I force myself to open her door as slowly as possible and head into the hallway, silently berating whoever built this place and decided that the hallways should have tile floors.
I come to a dead halt when I spy Kenan standing there with a pissed-off look on his face.
The sight of him shouldn't bother me.
It's the sticky, embarrassed feeling that comes when he turns to look at me that does. He'll clearly see what room I'm leaving, and there's no hiding the fact that I'm well-rested. Sleeping beside Violet hadn't been something I'd planned on doing, but the worst part is that it was the only good thing that had happened to me since I got here. Maybe even before then. Sleeping beside her was comforting, the same way she found comfort in sliding herself behind me, or sitting as close as possible.
"Hey."
I greet Kenan casually, hoping he'll be so pleased with my politeness that he'll forget I'm leaving her room.
He isn't. He frowns at me, and motions to the hallway walls.
"Look at this shit," he announces, stepping towards the dull paint to examine the deeply-etched scratches in the wall. "Who in their right mind would do this? It goes the whole length of the hallway!"
I stare at where he's pointing, narrowing my eyes at the very purposeful markings. It looks like someone has taken something sharp, a knife or perhaps a pair of heavy scissors, and dragged them down the hallway over and over.
"The hallways were clear all night. This had to have happened before our shift change."
Kenan is talking to me, but he also isn't. I can see the slight panic on his face, with just a hint of nervousness that this will be pinned on him.
"Hey, uh, Eric. Your door is the worst. Give me a minute, and we'll get you back in there. I'm radioing in that we'll be down late for breakfast."
"My door?" I repeat, and I turn my stare down a few feet, until I see what he's talking about. "Lovely."
I stare at the slick walls with the deep etches. A large 'E' has been carved into the door, then X-ed out violently, sloppily. To add to the brilliant display, there is a splatter of what I can only assume is blood, smeared all around the 'E'. It looks purposeful, done in a fit of rage or mental instability.
I don't know who would do this or why, but it's definitely deliberate, seeing that no one else's door has been touched.
"Where did it come from?" I ask him, and I feel Violet step beside me. Her fingers close around my wrist, and she lets out a gasp when she spies the mess.
"Was it…was it Aidy?" she asks, her voice tight and frantic, her nails digging into my skin. "Kenan, is she okay?"
"Why Aidy?" I look at her in confusion, wondering why she'd think Aidy would do this. Violet is now right beside me so her arm is touching mine. Her skin is still warm from her bed, but the sleepy look on her face has been replaced with horror.
"No clue, girl. We walked over here and found this. We're gonna have everyone wait in their rooms until our rounds are done. They'll come get you when it's time to go downstairs."
"But it's not Aidy? You're sure? She was really scared last night. The dark reminds her of—"
"Violet, calm down. We'll get this cleaned up and then you can find her." Kenan stares at us, gesturing towards her door. "But I don't think it's Aidy. I think it's someone who doesn't like Eric."
Violet stares up at him with large eyes, and she frowns.
"I appreciate your support, but that could be anyone in here," I announce.
Neither of them laugh.
"Why do you think it was Aidy?"
Curiosity gets the better of me as I flop back down onto Violet's bed, waiting for her to sit beside me. It only takes a second for the bed to dip under her weight, and she carefully lies down. But she doesn't answer me right away. For a long time she's silent, fidgeting with her fingers and examining them intently before she speaks.
"Aidy doesn't like the dark. In one of our therapy sessions, she said Abnegation was very dark, and that they try to use as little power as possible. She would panic, though. She said they didn't see any point in keeping the lights on and…you know…"
"It's dark, yes. I know that. They live like they're factionless, even though they don't need to," I interrupt her rambling, pausing to stare at her ceiling, and she shifts slightly. "Do you have reason to think she'd decide to redecorate this place? Especially my door?"
"Not really," Violet answers, and I turn my head to stare at her. "Not on purpose. But she might have done it on accident. Like, if she freaked out from the power outage and they couldn't get to her to treat her in time."
"Doesn't the power go out frequently?" I ask her. "Kenan said it's a common occurrence in the winter."
"It can be. It just depends. It usually happens when it snows a lot. But it's barely started right now." Her voice sounds far away, her thoughts somewhere else.
"Gotcha," I reply, closing my eyes and trying to forget about the blood. It wasn't so much that I gave a fuck if Aidy was hurt, but I found myself not wanting her to be the one responsible for what was smeared on my door. "Well, don't worry about it. We'll find out soon enough. There's nothing we can do but wait until they come back and tell us it's clear."
"I wish there was," Violet tells me, and my stomach sinks when I feel her reach for me. Her fingers touch my arm, right above the dark tattoo that sits there, mocking me every time I see it. "I don't want someone to be hurt. What if she is?"
I open my eyes to look at her, her face wrought with fear, and I don't move.
"Then she's hurt. There isn't anything either of us can do. But I don't think it's her. I think it's someone else."
I say the words simply to pacify her. I have no way of knowing who did it or why, but telling Violet that won't make anything better.
It's partially why I let her slide her hand down my arm, until her fingers slowly tangle with my own.
"We want to let you all know that everything is fine. We've cleaned everything up, and maintenance will be by to patch up the walls. What happened was a distraction, an unfunny practical joke, and we're taking it very seriously."
Dr. Erin stands in front of our breakfast table, her hands on her hips as she gives her speech. Her eyes are tired and she frowns when she glances at all of us. I feel a speck of sympathy that she's the one they sent to clean up this disaster, because it's a lost cause trying to calm down a bunch of mental patients, let alone ones who'd witnessed the spilt blood. But then I remember that she signed up for this, and I resume eating my bacon.
"So, I'll need to know where you all were. According to our nightly checks, some of you were not in your rooms last night. In order to clear your name, I need to know exactly what you were doing. If there's something you'd like to tell us, just say it now. We won't be holding anything against anyone. We're here to help."
She pauses, forcing a small smile on her face. "Unless, of course, you were the one who was in the hallway last night."
"What if we were in our rooms for part of the time?" A girl I've never seen before in my life questions, and Dr. Erin sighs in response. "I stayed with my friend because she was scared. Her name's Alice."
"There's no one here named Alice. You all should have been in your rooms the entire night. That's why we're trying to figure out where everyone was. It's important to promote healthy sleeping habits, especially now. We have plenty of coping mechanisms for when someone is scared, especially during the nighttime. But our policy is one person per room, unless otherwise assigned."
When I look up, she's staring directly at my face, and I stare back at her.
"Eric, you were…"
"Asleep," I bark, taking a slow bite of my eggs. "And I wouldn't throw blood all over my own door. So, no further questions for me."
Beside me, I can feel Violet stiffening, tensing up as she realizes that if they keep prying, I'll have to confess in front of everyone that I slept in her room. Kenan might have forgotten about it, but I get the feeling Dr. Erin won't. I can already feel the pointed look coming from Aidy, along with the rest of the psychos. I had found myself the slightest bit relieved when we discovered Aidy was fine, especially since Violet had been convinced it was her.
"You weren't in your bed when Dex came by at one," Dr. Erin points out, and I roll my eyes.
"Dex must need glasses," I tell her helpfully, and I elbow Violet to scoot the fuck away from me. "Because I'm pretty sure he saw exactly where I was sleeping."
"This does sound a little suspect," Bobby mutters, and I throw him the dirtiest look I can muster.
"Fuck off, Bobby. You really should mind your own business," I politely remind him, and I try to look innocent when he looks crushed.
"Eric!" he protests. "I'm just agreeing. I didn't see you in your room last night, either."
"I didn't know you worked here," I mutter, not at all wanting to participate in this. I'd often come across Dauntless initiates passed out in the corner of a walkway, and I'd investigated them less than this. "I didn't dump blood everywhere last night. If it was me, you'd have known. I would have written Bella's name or something."
"Leave Bella out of this." Dr. Erin stares at me, unblinking. She then looks over at Violet, sitting as quietly as a mouse while eating a piece of the disgusting toast, and she smiles.
"Violet, you were in your room all night, yes?" Dr. Erin continues on and the look on her face tells me she knows damned well where I was sleeping; she wants to hear me say it out loud for her own sick satisfaction. I have to bite back the urge to tell her to read a goddamned romance novel or something.
"Yeah," Violet answers softly, and I wonder if the doctor heard her.
"Well, Dex saw you during his check. But Eric…" she draws out my name and I slam my fork down. "I need to know exactly where you were because you weren't—"
"For fuck's sake, I fell asleep in Violet's room. Are you happy now? Does that clear my name? Do you want a minute by minute recap of the events? Don't you people patrol all night long?" I say the words through gritted teeth, hating the way Dr. Erin smiles pleasantly when I'm done.
"Thank you. That's all I need to know."
"Wait, are you serious?" Bella pipes up, and I notice that her skin is a pale white color and her pupils look way too big. She shoves her oversized sweatshirt up to reveal her mittens, and she crosses her arms over her chest. "You're going to let him sleep with Violet under your watch? Dr. Branger would have a fit. She should know this happened. You just said, "one person per room." That would be two people. One plus one equals two. No matter how cold it is."
"Thank you for the math lesson, Bella. I'm aware that Eric should have been in his room. But Dr. Branger is taking a few days off. You can report back to her when she returns. The heat should resume tonight, for anyone else wondering." Dr. Erin is trying hard to ignore her, and she glances down at the clipboard in her hand. "Pete, you also weren't in your room."
"I slept in the rec room. It was warmer in there and I heard Bella might come by," he answers easily, winking at me a few times. "I wanted to sleep in Bobby's room, but he wouldn't let me. I heard he has bunkbeds."
"You wouldn't have fit. Too many people in there already," Bobby mutters, and I stare so hard at Dr. Erin that my eyes blur.
"Fine. Carlos…you weren't in your room either…"
I don't know who Carlos is, but I don't get to figure it out. Dr. Erin's investigation is interrupted by Kenan stalking into the room, his giant fur parka still on, and a dark-clad figure trailing behind him, just out of sight. He surveys everyone in front of him, and he erupts into a shit-eating grin when he sees me.
"Eric, man, you've got a visitor. Your fiancée is here to see you."
The room goes silent enough to hear a pin drop.
"Fiancée?" Pete gasps, his voice high and delighted at this news. "You've had a fiancée this whole time? What the hell, man!"
I inwardly groan, especially when Kenan steps to the side and I see a familiar face.
"Right here, Eric." Kenan motions to the girl beside him and my eggs stick in my windpipe as every single head in the room turns to look at me, including one very wide-eyed Violet. "You've got one hour."
"I always knew you had a thing for me," I announce, reclining back in the hard plastic chair and smirking.
Across from me, Tori rolls her eyes.
"Fuck off. You're the last person in Dauntless I'd ever dream of touching. I just needed a way in here, and they told me your emergency contact list had no one on it."
"Sorry I didn't think to write you down," I retort, equal parts hating the very sight of Tori but also relieved to be out of the cafeteria. Violet had looked at me like I'd punched her in the face and spit on her, which I found to be irritating.
"Look, we don't have long. I need you to shut up and listen to what I'm going to say. Max doesn't even know I'm here, and the truck is waiting for me. I told them twenty minutes, tops. I don't know why that guy said an hour."
"Fiancés don't give each other time limits." I raise an eyebrow at her and she crosses her arms over her chest and sighs.
While I never expected an influx of visitors during my stay here, Tori's visit comes as a complete surprise. In all our time together in Dauntless, she and I never got along. She's always seemed to hold some very noticeable hatred for me, even more so when I started training the initiates. Every time I saw her in the hallway, she seemed to be glaring at me, her eyes suspiciously following my every move. She's the last person I thought I'd ever have come here, especially now.
"Eric." She says my name irritably, and I feel a speck of annoyance that she would dare be insulted. I'm the one wearing pajamas in the middle of the day, surrounded by people who can't be left unsupervised while brushing their teeth.
"I'm sorry, where are my manners? How are you, Tori? Would you like some coffee?"
"Fine. How's it going, Eric? Are you enjoying your stay here?" She responds blandly, pretending to humor me.
I sneer as she eyes me critically, and I know she's probably thinking I look like shit. My hair is no longer even remotely straight since there's an irritating lack of hair supplies here, and while my clothes may be black, they definitely aren't what she's used to seeing me in. I haven't shaved in days, and my bare feet certainly don't help, either.
"I'm loving it. You really should try it sometime. I'm sure they'd be happy to have you." I smile at her, but she doesn't take the bait. She simply blinks and throws a hurried look at the door.
"Now that we've gotten that out of the way, why don't you tell me why you're you here?" I ask her, crossing one leg over the other. I like watching her squirm, and it's obvious she's uneasy. "Were you just driving by and thought you'd stop in for a visit? Come in and check on the crazy ones?"
"There are more than a few reasons why I'm here," she announces slowly. "But the main one is that I want Jeanine dead. So, I've decided I'm going to help you get out of here, and you're going to kill her for me once you're free."
I stare blankly at her.
That certainly wasn't what I was expecting.
"Eric.."
"The fuck are you talking about?" I ask.
"Look," Tori leans across the table, her worn leather jacket crinkling with each movement. "I know you aren't here on a vacation because Jeanine thought you earned one."
"No shit," I hiss, regretting coming in here with her. I feel like I've already reached my fill of craziness for the day, and it's not even noon. "I'm in here because she needed a scapegoat. Does she deserve to die over that? Maybe. Would I do it for you? No. I'll do it for myself, if I decide to."
"Look, I know you aren't enjoying taking the fall for her. The progress reports that come to Max say you're arrogant and they don't think they can help you. That you'll never be rehabilitated."
"That's because I don't need their help," I say the word mockingly, and she nods.
"I know that. But that means your chances of getting out of here are slim to none. And if you were to get out, you'll be stuck heading to Erudite to thank Jeanine for the stay before you continue working for her. You and I both know she's going to expect the world from you since she thinks she's scared you."
"I'm not scared of her," I snap, but she holds her hand up to shut me up.
"We know what happens. When she slips up again, and we know she will, she'll pin it on you and throw you back here and have them erase your mind without a second thought. You aren't afraid of that?"
"I'll face it if the time comes," I answer coolly, having already thought of it. I want to tell her she's too late, that I've already decided I'll take care of Jeanine on my own, but she shakes her head violently.
"She needs to be stopped. And you're the person to do it. You know how she operates. You know the inside of Erudite, her office, her schedule—"
"That's flattering, but in case you've forgotten, I'm stuck here, and not for lack of trying. I've thought of every way possible to leave, but the truth of the matter is, I look at someone the wrong way, I get drugged. So, unless you're got some brilliant plan that I don't, you're on your own."
"I've already thought about all that," Tori points out, her eyes narrowing. "I've done my research on this place. When she announced she put you here, I found it rather fishy that she could just throw you in here on a whim. Did you know that up until a few months ago, she gave this facility whatever funding and research they asked for? Surely you must have noticed all the prestigious Erudite doctors that work here and not in Erudite? And their fancy techniques?"
I ignore her little jab at my former faction, and I shrug dismissively.
"I have. What's your point?"
"My point is that this is just another place she controls. She's toying with technology that would be able to wipe out anyone who disagrees with her. This is more proof that she shouldn't be in charge of anything, let alone an entire faction. You don't think the other factions would be happy to hear this, do you?"
"This is fascinating and all, but it doesn't change anything," I answer her, feeling a jolt of impatience. "You bring this in front of Jack or Max and they'll laugh in your face. No one is going to stand up to her."
"Exactly," Tori answers, sounding a bit triumphant. "That's why you're stepping up for the job."
"Even if you walked me out of here, I can't just walk into her office and shoot her in the face. She'll be alerted that I'm gone," I point out, and Tori grins.
She leans in even further, speaking so lowly I can barely hear her.
"Leave that to me."
"Bullshit. It's not that easy and you know it." I lean away from her, done with this conversation.
"I said leave that to me. I can get you out of here." She also leans back, glancing down at her watch. "While it kills me to even say this, I need your help. You know I can't get anywhere near Jeanine, but you can. I know you worked for her. She trusts you. Even in here, she'll still trust you. You just have to smile and sneer and let her think you're on her side. All I ask is that, in return, you help me take her out. Once it's done, Erudite gets a new leader, one that isn't experimenting on our entire population, and we all win."
I stare at her.
"I get you out, and we'll both get our revenge," she says quietly, her hair falling in her face. "You return to Dauntless, and life goes on the same as before."
"Why do you need revenge on her?" I ask, my mind whirling.
"Give me a little time, and you'll be free."
"How?" I ask her, crossng my arms over my chest. "I can't just walk out the front door. They watch everything that goes on, even if it doesn't seem like it."
"I know," Tori says, sitting back in her seat. "That's why I needed this meeting. I need your computer password."
I must have a disgusted look on my face, because she smiles, a bit gleefully.
"Don't worry. I won't tell anyone what you look at while you're supposed to be working. I just need access to your emails. That is, if you want to get out of here."
I sit here, hating her to some degree as I realize that once again, my future is in the hands of someone else.
"You have nothing to lose by trusting me." Tori tries again, this time, a bit more politely. "Or you can risk it and hope that Jeanine thinks you're worthy of being released before she wipes your brain clean. I'll let you choose."
I screw my eyes shut, pressing my palms to them as she keeps talking.
"You can also choose to rot away in here, spending your days in art class. Nice macaroni sculpture, by the way. They put them on display in the front lobby."
My gut reaction is to scream at her to fuck off, but that won't solve anything. There's a slim chance she could get me out of here, and I'd already decided I'd kill Jeanine when that time came.
I open my eyes.
"Fine," I grunt, ignoring her smiling face.
"I knew you'd agree," Tori announces, and she shoves her chair back and extends her hand out to me. "Then it's a deal."
I don't shake her hand.
"You lucky son of a bitch. She's hot."
Pete slaps me on the shoulder, and I shove him away from me hard enough that he hits the doorframe with a thud.
"Hey, dude! What the fuck. I said your fiancée was hot!"
"She's not my fiancée, you moron," I growl, storming through the hallway with a vengeance. I have the sudden urge to punch something or someone, whichever I can find first. "She just came by to—"
"Conjugal visits, huh?" Pete elbows me, having caught back up to me easily. "I didn't know they offered those. Then again, the only people who ever came to visit me were my family."
I stop dead in my tracks, turning to face him. I don't even have to say anything. He picks up on the nasty look on my face, and immediately backs away.
"Sorry, I… uh… maybe it didn't go well. That's okay. Some people don't do well under pressure. You know what, I'll leave you alone."
He's gone without another word, vanishing through a dark doorway, and I grip my hair with both hands and stare at the wall. I suddenly wonder if Tori is messing with me, stopping by just to fuck with me, and now there's nothing I can do to stop her. I've just given her my computer password, opening up my entire life in Dauntless to her, all on the single hope that she'll follow through on her word.
She could do anything she wants, and I'd be powerless to stop her.
"SHIT."
I find myself nearly hyperventilating, breathing so quickly that my heart feels like it's racing and my vision blurs. I try to calm down, but I can't.
For the first time since arriving here, I realize I feel more than a bit mental.
"How long have you been engaged?"
There is no relief from any of the questioning. I may have gotten rid of Pete, but Violet takes his place, her dark denim shirtdress a size too big and her eyes too wide as she finds me trying to breathe normally in the hallway.
"No," I bark, staring down at the face of one very disheartened Violet. I remember her words about life not feeling good, and judging by the way she looks right now, I don't think she's feeling very good.
She should join the club.
"Violet, she's not…it's not…" I try to talk as I'm herded along towards somewhere, but I'm being jostled and shoved by far too many mentally unstable patients to think straight. "I've never been engaged to her."
"Oh, so she just thought you were?" She's right next to me, her small frame slamming into mine every time the crowd surges forward. "Did you guys date for a long time and she just assumed—"
"Violet," I interrupt her, saying her name loudly as I turn to grab her by the shoulders. She flinches enough that I regret grabbing her so tightly, but I walk her back a step, until we are out of the way of everyone shoving past us. "I work with her. She lied to get in here because she wants me to kill someone for her."
"Oh, so you never dated her?" She perks up immediately, relieved that all Tori came here for was to place an order for murder. "That's…good."
"Good," I repeat. "Yeah, it's good. Great."
The two of us stare at each other, unmoving.
"She's no one," I tell her, mentally kicking myself for feeling like I even need to explain who Tori is. "Just another leader who doesn't want to get her hands dirty."
Violet blinks and I can almost see her brain working. When she finally speaks, once again, I wish she hadn't.
"She's going to get you out of here, isn't she?"
She sounds so despondent, so utterly low, that it almost hurts when I nod my head yes.
"Fucking Christ, Eric, comb your fucking hair before you come to my class next time."
Coach Melissa greets me malevolently, her stare filled with utter disgust.
I flip her off as I walk by, not really seeing the point in combing my hair to attend her weak version of gym class, or even just in general. I'm in an insane asylum, not competing in some sort of mental institution beauty pageant.
"You look awful," she continues on, ignoring me as I ignore her. "Like a factionless man who found some barbells."
I smile threateningly at her as I stand beside Bobby and Pete, wondering just what exactly she could possibly have lined up for us today. It isn't like I've missed her. We had a reprieve from her last week, and it was unfortunate that she was back today. My guess was that Daphne's class had been such an epic failure that it didn't look like she'd be invited back to teach more yoga, so we're stuck with this one.
"You don't look that bad," Bobby reassures me loudly, smashing his own hair down. "You could make a little more effort, but I don't think anyone really minds."
"Thanks, Bobby," I answer shortly. I put my hands behind my head as everyone gathers round, surveying the area behind us. Melissa had walked us to a small room off the gym. Much to my delight, this room had, at some point in time, been an ancient yet functioning workout room.
It's filled with some of the same equipment that's in the Dauntless training room: punching bags, ropes hanging from the ceiling, rows of workout machines that probably don't work, a disgusting-looking drinking fountain, and a few weight benches. There are some weights, nothing majorly heavy or intimidating, but I find myself easing up for the first time all day.
"Free workout hour. Do whatever you please, just don't bother me. I've got a headache. The orderlies will be here to assist you as needed, and don't even think of hitting each other in the head with the weights or messing with the ropes. At the first sign of anyone fucking around, you'll be sent to solitary and drugged until you see pink ponies. Don't bother me unless you're bleeding, and even then, ask Lars and Larry before you show me."
My gaze swings to the two men who'd been chosen to help out, noticing that they both look bored out of their skulls. They smile without really smiling, and one checks his watch before grimacing.
I get the feeling that this could be a long hour for them. I smirk when one glances warily at me, but it doesn't go unnoticed by Melissa.
"Or Prince Eric can help you. Fuck if I care. See you in an hour."
With that announcement, she leaves, pressing one hand to her temple and grimacing as she walks back into the dusty gym.
"Does this happen a lot?" I ask Bobby, and he nods.
"All the time. You think she'd get it checked out since she gets so many headaches. But we're fine. We can work out on our own. Sometimes Pete and I make a game of how many times we can climb the ropes halfway to the top. Winner gets to write his name on the board. You in?"
"No thanks," I step around, patting his shoulder. "I'll be over here if you need me."
"Okay, man! Have a good workout!" Bobby enthusiastically calls out, skipping off to find Pete. There's nothing I'd like to do less than practice rope climbing, but I plan on taking full advantage of this hour.
I ignore everyone around me, all the other patients ambling around and trying to pretend they know what they're doing. Violet and Aidy both head out towards the main gym, and I watch them as one guard nods, then follows them out. They don't return, so I head straight to a weight bench as a strange feeling washes over me. The sight is familiar, even with the tattered benches and lighter weights than I'd like.
But I don't care.
I reach for the heaviest ones I can find, under the nosy glare of an orderly, before reclining back and closing my eyes. The ancient workout room fades away as the sounds of clanking weights and small chatter fill up the room. It smells the same as Dauntless, like sawdust and desperation, and before I know it, I'm sweating and my arms are burning.
"You good?" one of the orderlies asks, a man my height with a buzz cut. He leaves when I nod yes, and I spy Bella behind him. She's watching me with a horrified expression, and I wink as I sit up and wipe my forehead off with my shirt.
"Need some help over there?" I taunt her, and she crosses her arms over her chest, the mittens still on her hands.
"No. Did they say you were allowed to use those?" She sounds snooty again, forgetting our best friend deal. I smirk when I think of her pass, still in my dresser.
"Didn't ask." I return to my workout, my biceps protesting, but it feels too good to stop. "They said to work out. Not stand there and look stupid."
"You're so rude," she sniffs, but she doesn't leave. "Did you always work out in Dauntless? Every day?"
"Yeah," I grunt, wishing she'd leave. But she stays put, watching me with an interested expression. "Do you need something, or are you just staying for the show?"
"If you must know, I came over here to tell you that I think it's wrong of you to have not told Violet that you have a fiancée. Even you must admit that it's a shitty thing to do." She pauses and I stop, sitting up to look at her. "No one thinks that other girl is pretty, anyway. She looked very… mean. Kinda like a giant, too. Way too tall for you."
"Are you serious?" I ask her, wondering if I'm honestly waiting for a real answer or if I'm speaking rhetorically. "She's not my fiancée, and she's not that tall. And I work with her, dumbass. Actually, you know what, why am I even telling you this? I don't care."
"But you do care," Bella points out, blinking furiously as she steps closer. "You just don't want to admit it. What if Violet had a fiancé and didn't tell you?"
"Then good for Violet. Maybe her fiancé should come visit her."
Bella grins widely, and I realize that I still hate her so fucking much.
"Oh, so you care that no one has ever visited Violet before?"
"Go away," I growl, completely out of patience for this weirdo ruining my workout. "I don't care if she had a fiancé, and I don't care who visits her."
"But you cared enough to sleep with her," Bella taunts me, and I have to fight the urge to throw a weight at her head. It would be nice to watch her fall backwards, bleeding from the dent the weight would surely make.
"I fell asleep beside her. Seeing as how you'll die a virgin, I can understand the confusion between the two."
"Fuck you." Bella's face contorts, and I'm once again reminded why she's here when she lunges for me, trying to knock the weights out of my hands. Fortunately, she's too slow and predictable. While my hands are full, I simply stick my leg up and kick her in the stomach when she's close enough.
"I said 'go away'," I loudly announce, and the lone orderly turns his attention back to us. "Stop attacking me. I'm trying to work out."
"You… are… dead!" she shrieks, panting as she tries to recover. "DEAD! I'll kill you myself! I swear to God, I'll kill you."
"Great. Let me know when you get on that. And stop skipping your meds," I call out. When the orderly takes her by the arm, marching her away, I resume working out, faster and harder until I'm drenched in sweat and Bella is a distant memory.
Fuck her.
Fuck this place.
Fuck everyone.
All I have to do is make it a little bit longer, and I'm good.
Owen stares at all of us, smiling tightly.
His presence isn't very welcome, and while this fact brings me great joy, it makes me a tad bit uneasy because there's something odd about him that I can't quite put my finger on. He's rarely in our group activities, he doesn't sleep on our floor, and he hasn't acclimated well. His attempts to fit in have flopped, meaning everyone dislikes him, not just me. Yet they keep forcing him in our faces, trying to pretend everything is fine.
Right now he looks unhappy, his shoulders hunched and his hands clasped together behind his back.
It could have been the afternoon pissing him off, for it was dark and stormy, and the power still flickered every so often. There had been little improvement in our heating and lighting situation, though we suddenly had an influx of blankets and the guards seemed to be prowling around more than before.
We're all stuck in the group therapy room, ignoring the wheeze coming from the vents and the weird, tense feeling building in the atmosphere. It's at times like this that I am reminded of exactly where I am. Unlike Dauntless, these patients aren't accepting of the cold or the dark. Bobby confessed that sometimes those two elements were used in some of the more basic therapy sessions; patients would sit in chilled rooms to calm down, or they'd be deprived of sunlight — or any light — until they stop whatever manic episode they 're having. In Dauntless, people party in the dark, preferring not to see what they're doing or drinking, and blearily crawl back home when the sun rises.
I don't entirely mind the cold or the dark.
I'm reclined back in my chair, an arm slung across the back of Violet's, observing the room around me. I am no longer focused on how I'll get out, because there's little doubt that I will, but I do wonder what will happen when I'm finally sprung. Every cell in my body hates this place, but even I realize that I'll be leaving behind the few people in my life I've come to tolerate. It seems fitting that they should all be slightly insane for me to endure them, but I still have to recognize the fact that things will be different after I'm gone. I vaguely wonder what will happen when Jeanine's funding of this place runs out. Surely these doctors won't be working for free, pretending to cure patients when they really are only using them for their own personal experimentation.
I think of Bobby and Pete, realizing they'll both be factionless if the doors to this place close. I think of Aidy, who won't be welcomed back into Abnegation, and Bella, who won't be able to function on a daily basis without someone there to inject her with something to stabilize her mind.
I think of Violet, staring up at me seconds before she launched herself at Owen. I feel a strange sensation, like I miss her presence already, when I realize it's likely I'll never see her again.
"Why is he up there?" Violet asks, leaning slightly towards me. I know she finds me comforting, and I had long ago come to the brilliant conclusion that it's my violent nature that appeals to her. She must feel like I'll stick up for her, and she's right. I'd decided that as long as I am in here, I will.
"Eric," she whispers, sounding nervous now, her confidence coming and going as quickly as Bella's mood swings. "Is he giving another speech?"
"Beats me. I only showed up because there's no alternative." I shrug, and she pulls her knees up.
"He's—"
"Everyone, we're a few minutes behind today, so we're jumping right in. I'd like to welcome Owen back up here. He'd like to say a few words before we begin our session. Today's focus is on forgiveness and how to ask for it. Most of us have caused some people in our lives distress or unease, and we'll be going over ways to recognize those situations, and how to tell someone you're sorry and ask if they will grant you forgiveness. Owen would like to start."
Dr. Erin interrupts the room, clapping her hands together like she's commanding a kindergarten class. She smiles blandly when the chatter mostly stops to listen to her speech, then steps aside after Owen clears his throat. I'd already decided this would be a great time to take a nap, seeing as how there's no one I need to apologize to. Ever.
"Wow, so hey, uh… I don't really know how to start, so I guess I'll just jump right in. Wow, thanks for coming."
Owen stumbles over his words, his eyes searching to see if anyone's paying attention. Some people are. Bobby's head is tilted to the side and his eyes are open, and Aidy is measuring Owen's head between her fingers, occasionally crushing them together. Violet and I are just sitting here, though judging by her body language, she'll be bolting out of the room in a few minutes. She's sort of sunk into herself, her shoulders tensing up and her lips pressing together.
"Violet, are you okay?" I ask her quietly, not at all convinced when she nods her head.
"So, look, I know you all hate me. I know some of you dislike me just because others seem to have it out for me, but that doesn't bother me. I deserve it. I've done some unpleasant things, and I deserve the consequences that come from them."
Violet's head jerks up and she leans back in the chair.
"Violet—" I touch the back of her hair, sliding my fingers through until they graze the side of her neck, and she freezes.
"I owe one particular person an apology," Owen continues. Every head in the room turns to look at Violet. "I, uh…wow, this is hard. I went after her, out of anger and out of rage and out of revenge. I wanted to hurt her, the same way she hurt me. I wanted to really hurt her, and I am sorry."
He goes silent, blinking a few times and trying to smile.
"So, what you don't know, and wow, this is hard, let me just say that before I go on. But what you all don't know is that Violet and I have a history, a long and complicated history that makes this difficult, because maybe she doesn't have to forgive me. We know each other from before this place. She's the reason…the very reason that I can't be on your floor and the reason that you all won't speak to me."
I sit up straighter as Violet shakes her head no.
"Owen, stop."
"Violet, you see, the other day I attacked you the same way I attacked you years ago. The same way I let someone hurt you and didn't bother to try to stop him. The same way that you fought back the best you could, even if it didn't work."
"What the fuck," Bella mutters, slinking into the seat beside me out of nowhere. "Why is he saying all this? Who let him up there?"
"Why are you late?" Bobby asks her, and she glares at him.
"I didn't feel like coming down here. Kenan said I had to." She sounds lucid for once, and she cocks her head to the side until she can see Violet. "Why is he talking about this again? Like we don't all know that…"
"Violet, I'm sorry I helped put you away here. I never thought I'd end up here with you, but I'd like us to move forward. Forgive and forget. Do you think… do you think you could possibly forgive me?"
The room falls deadly silent, so still that I wonder if anyone is breathing. My fingers are still on Violet's neck, her skin warm and her pulse racing, until she jerks away from me.
"No." She says the word loudly, but her head falls forward. "I'll never forgive you for what you did. Ever."
The room is silent.
"Wow, okay, well, that's not the reaction I was hoping for." Owen's voice takes on a whiny tone, arrogant for a man who's begging for forgiveness. "Look, you know I'm not the one who—"
"It doesn't matter which one you were." Violet raises her head up, and she sounds angry. "It's never been about that, and you know it."
My prediction comes true.
She stands up and throws one dark look at him, and I only stay seated because Bella grabs my arm and yanks me towards her.
"Eric, you can't fix this one," she hisses, and I shove her away. "Not today. You think you can help her, but you can't. Don't be stupid."
I disregard Bella's entire existence.
"Violet…" I call out her name urgently, but she shakes her head.
"Why today, Owen? Out of all days?" Violet asks quietly, and I try to dislodge myself from Bella.
"Eric, sit down," she snarls, and she kicks me in the shin as hard as she can, digging her nails in further when I try to kick her back. "Listen to me, you dumb oaf. Your time as reigning King of the Mental Institution is over."
"I just thought that maybe, on your birthday, you'd find it in your heart to forgive me. Jack said… he said that someday… I mean, you did hurt the guy…" Owen tries again, and Dr. Erin looks on sympathetically, until her stare finds Bella and myself.
"Bella, let go of him, right now."
"Just stop," Violet tells him, but it comes out like a shaky gasp. "Owen, I can't. I can't forget what happened and you know why."
My chest tightens when she stands up. I stare at her, the blur of her dress and her hacked off hair. She stumbles over the patients next to her, tripping a bit and quickly hurrying out of the room as Owen stares at the floor, dejectedly. Something big is happening here, but I can't for the life of me figure out what they're talking about.
I'm jerked back to reality when Bella's nails leave my skin and she pats my hand gently.
"You'll find out eventually that she's just as insane as the rest of us. Trust me." She smiles widely, delighted at her friend's discomfiture. "You'll eventually get out of here, but she won't. And even if she did, why would you want that? She knows you'll never visit her, never come see how she's doing. You'll go on with your life, finding someone who isn't so fucked up by Owen and doesn't have to hide any deep dark secrets, and you'll live out your miserable days without her. Life's a bitch, right?"
My lips part open to snap at her, to offer her the chance to run before I snap her neck to the side, but she reels her right arm back, and I blink when she stabs me in the chest with a pair of scissors before I can utter a single word.