X===============Emotional Conversations=============}
Whitley
83. Disillusionment
Whitley tried not to.
He woke up to clear mornings, looking up through the translucent membrane of Glacier's wings that glimmered with tiny diamond drops of dew. He spent days lounging around on the dragon's back, or strolling casually through the forest, unspooling years of tension. He fell asleep to the sound of crackling fire and the smell of wood smoke.
He forgot to be careful.
"Do you ever think about staying out here?" he wondered, half to himself—and half to Oscar, who was walking next to him. They were out of earshot of the dragons, who were busy having some kind of discussion, or maybe an argument, that Whitley couldn't make heads or tails of.
Oscar whipped his head around, and Whitley finally realized what he'd just let slip. "I mean—that is—"
"All the time." Oscar grinned crookedly at him. "Sorry, I was just surprised you were actually... talking to me. On purpose."
"I talk to you," Whitley grumbled.
Oscar didn't argue with that, which was good, because he couldn't think of an example off the top of his head where he'd started a conversation. It had probably happened at some point, right? "I know we'll need to deal with the Council eventually. Uh, or Ragnar and me will, I don't know if Glacier will want to fight."
"You're really... what, going to war?" Whitley asked, incredulous.
"Ragnar is." Oscar shrugged. "I want to help. It feels like this is my chance to really do something, you know? Although, there has been a lot more hiking than I thought there would be."
"At least Ragnar asks you before picking you up by the scruff."
Oscar stared at him.
"What?"
"You're smiling."
Whitley had to touch his own face to confirm that yes, he was. "He... might be starting to grow on me. A little."
"I can see why." Oscar glanced at Whitley, then away towards the trees. "He's sweet once you get to know him, even if he's a bit prickly at first."
Whitley squinted at him. There was something very odd about the way he was talking, but he couldn't for the life of him figure out what. "I suppose he is. Though I'm getting tired of him pretending not to understand me when he doesn't like what I'm saying."
Oscar sighed. "Yeah. That must be annoying."
Tension spiked between them. Baffled, Whitley flailed for something to say that might let him escape this conversation—but then Oscar shook his head, and it was gone.
"It seems like he's pretty lonely, too," he said softly.
"Lonely?"
"Not as much now. But before... I don't think he had many people he could talk to."
Whitley shrugged. "There was a stable hand that seemed nice. And I think Weiss used to sneak out to see him before she left for Beacon. Then he started singing at night, but it kept Father awake so he had him muzzled..." Whitley stopped, slightly alarmed by the look on Oscar's face. "What?"
Oscar hesitated, then tentatively patted his shoulder. Whitley stared at him as several completely incomprehensible expressions flitted across his face, before he finally settled on a slightly nauseous-looking grin and fled. Leaving Whitley standing there as, for the first time he could remember, the one who hadn't run away from the conversation first.
Before he could even try to figure out what had just happened, Ragnar tipped back his head and let out a loud noise somewhere between a snort and a snarl. Whitley jumped. Tempest was staring down the old earth dragon, her head arched and her wings slightly flared. Ragnar shuffled his own, as if to show off the healing scars in the membranes. Tempest relaxed, a little. Cocked her head to one side and made an inquisitive noise. Ragnar bobbed his head.
This... whatever it was apparently settled, he padded over to Oscar and nudged him with his nose.
"Are we changing direction again?" Oscar asked.
Ragnar made a low chuffing noise that sounded alarmingly like laughter. His wings stretched out to either side, flexing, like a human might roll his shoulders. "Ffly!" he rumbled, his grey eyes shining.
Whitley's heart dropped like a stone.
This was it—they were almost out of time. Soon he'd be going home.
Tyrian hummed a jaunty tune while they prepared to report to Cinder. Emerald wished he would stop. Her heart was already pounding, and sweat pricked at the insides of her palms. It would all be alright in a few moments, but waiting like this was agonizing.
And then they weren't waiting anymore. Strike stared them down from where she lay coiled up behind her rider. Emerald forced herself to look at Cinder, and felt her stomach twist. She was, if anything, in an even worse mood than when they'd left.
"Well?" she demanded.
Tyrian stepped forward. "The task is done," he said, with his usual unnerving grin.
She didn't smile, but her scowl got a little less forbidding. "Good."
Emerald's tongue felt thick in her mouth. She forced herself to say, "C-cinder?"
"Do you have something to add, Emerald?"
Mercury's dark eyes bored into her.
"I had a question. About the eggs. I don't understand—"
"I think this is a matter best discussed inside," Cinder interrupted. Her voice had gone silky-smooth, sending Emerald's heart racing for two very different reasons. She's angry.
"Of course!" Emerald moved towards the cabins. Jade followed right behind her, and Mercury and Tyrian just behind her.
"In private," Cinder snapped. Tyrian bowed low and strode away with Ozone in tow. Mercury hesitated, shot her a dark look, and leaned against the cabin wall. Emerald followed Cinder inside, and jumped when Strike immediately moved to block the door.
"Em?" Jade tried to move past her, but the fire dragon wouldn't budge.
"Wait with Mercury," Emerald told her, and jammed her hands in her pockets so Jade wouldn't see them shaking. She must have picked up on something, though, because she warbled nervously and tried again to get past Strike. "Stay," Emerald insisted, a little more sharply. Jade sat down, her tail flicking back and forth anxiously.
The door creaked shut. It was dark inside compared to the dappled sunlight of the valley, and Cinder's face was half-hidden in shadow. Emerald couldn't read her expression. A familiar fog filled her head, crackling like static and making it harder and harder to think.
"You had a question."
Emerald stared at the ground. It was hard to breathe, all of a sudden, and impossible to meet Cinder's eyes. "I don't understand." The words came out as a whisper. "Why...?"
A sigh that stirred a few strands of Emerald's hair. She could feel the heat of it.
"I hate it." Footsteps, circling her. "It's an ugly thing, but we live in an ugly world. If we'd let the Council get their filthy hands on another generation of Riders..."
Emerald shivered. "But... there has to be something else we could do. We could—" Her heart stumbled as she remembered Mercury's cold stare. "Next time. Couldn't we steal them, or ruin the Dust, or..."
She stopped. The cabin was deathly quiet. She couldn't even hear Cinder breathing.
"You have a lot of questions, lately." Her tone was mild. Emerald felt like she was sinking into the floor, her whole body going heavy and numb.
"I'm sorry!" Breathe in. Breathe out. "I didn't mean to... I just don't understand." Cinder had explained the plan to her, over and over. Everything always made sense once she explained it.
A hand settled on her shoulder. It was warm, almost too hot, and Emerald lost track of her breathing. "We are entering the most critical stage of the plan. The culmination of years of effort. And who do I have on my side, now? Far fewer students than I should."
Emerald couldn't stop the tremor that went through her. Cinder's fingers tightened—she'd noticed.
"Various dissatisfied parties, the enemies of my enemy, uncertain allies at best. Arthur, and we both know only the terminally stupid would ever trust him. And, of course... those who are truly loyal to me."
She tried to swallow, and couldn't do it. Her breath was coming much too short now, she knew Cinder could hear it, but she couldn't stop.
"I am." It came out shaky. "Loyal. I just—"
"Just what?" Cinder still doesn't sound angry, but her nails are digging little crescents into Emerald's shoulder. "You've been unreliable for some time now, Emerald."
"I've been trying! And I'll—I'll do better."
"Have you? I let you play the diplomat to the Beacon students because I thought you could keep them on our side even if you were distracted. But now they've decided they'd rather hide like cowards than face the—"
"That's not true!"
Both of them froze.
"What did you just say?"
Emerald couldn't put words together. She tried anyway, stuttered out, "I didn't—I only meant—they thought—"
But it was much too late for that.
Mercury had been waiting outside almost twenty minutes when Emerald stumbled finally over the cabin's threshold. Jade was there in an instant, crooning and nuzzling at her face. He kept watching the door, tense, but Cinder didn't come back outside. Tyrian had long since gotten bored and wandered off. Strike was still there, watching.
"Come on," he said, and jerked his head towards the woods. "Let's check on the pit dragons."
He held back as they crossed the valley floor, with Strike's eyes following them. He held back while they climbed up the narrow, half-hidden pathway, still in full view of the cabins. Then they entered the woods, and he grabbed Emerald by the arm and shoved her into a tree.
"What did you tell her?!"
Jade lunged at him. Rudder blocked her and warbled in distress. But Mercury barely noticed. Emerald's shoulder hit the tree at an odd angle, and she muffled a pained yelp.
He hadn't pushed her that hard.
Mercury froze. So did Emerald—she was looking up at him, silently pleading for him not to notice. He remembered how that felt.
"Fuck." He let go. Jade growled deep in her chest, still looking like she wanted to take a bite out of him.
"Don't," Emerald muttered. "It's not his fault."
Jade's eyes narrowed in suspicion. Then she lunged forward, bumping her nose against her rider's shoulder. Emerald flinched.
Mercury watched her draw herself up, as if in slow motion, feeling like he was watching a boulder teetering on the edge of a cliff. Knowing disaster was coming, but completely powerless to stop it.
"You can't!" Emerald hissed. "Please... it'd only get worse."
Jade's teeth were still bared in mid-snarl. Reluctantly, she settled back onto her haunches and started licking Emerald's face. Disaster temporarily averted.
"Wuh?" Rudder whined.
Mercury patted his side. "It's fine." Then, when Jade glared at him, "Alright, I lied, it's not fine. But it's not like we can do fuck-all about it, so there's no point worrying."
Emerald hunched her shoulders. Making herself small. "Quit it," he snapped. "Her fucking issues are not on you."
"You told me not to ask."
He squeezed his eyes shut. "You told her."
"I didn't—I wanted—" Emerald groaned and buried her face in her hands. "I don't want to talk about it right now."
"You're joking."
"I will!" she said, with another flinch that made him wince. "Just... can we visit the pit dragons first?"
Mercury hadn't planned on going anywhere near them, but he reluctantly agreed to give her a minute. They hiked in silence for a while without spotting any of the pit dragons. He was just starting to wonder if it was too soon to try again when they stepped through a screen of trees and almost walked right into Glory.
She was already staring at them. Her whole body lay draped over a group of mossy stones, so limp and still she might have looked dead if her eyes weren't following them as they walked. Sunlight glinted off the metal-plated helmet over her head.
"Hello," Emerald murmured.
Mercury grimaced. He thought privately that they could've saved themselves the hike by talking directly to one of Watts' cameras instead.
Glory didn't respond. Not even a twitch of her tail.
Emerald shivered. "Is it just me or do they seem... even less like themselves than before?"
"They act a bit more like dragons when they're fighting." Mercury noticed Rudder huddling closer to him and gave him a comforting pat.
She lifted a hand, then dropped it just as quickly. Glory still didn't move, or blink, or make any sign that she cared about their existence. "I wish we could help," Emerald admitted. "Just a little, you know? But petting her definitely wouldn't."
"I don't think they feel any of it," Mercury said, with false confidence. "It's like they're asleep."
Glory kept staring. Emerald stared back, until he couldn't take it anymore and had to interrupt.
"Let's go. This is starting to feel pointless."
Once they were sure they were out of earshot, before Mercury could say a word, Emerald turned to him and said, "I didn't tell her."
He let out a breath. "Okay. That's good. But... what the fuck happened, then?" He gestured at her shoulder, and tried to ignore the way she covered it with her hand.
"I just wanted her to explain why. But I've been screwing everything up, and I lost the students, and I—"
"Em." Jade bumped her nose against Emerald's back. "Nno."
"I argued with her. About them."
Mercury cringed. "Shit."
"But they didn't run away," Emerald insisted. "They're going to fight, they're just—"
"I know, Emerald," he said. "But you seriously need to start looking after your own skin, not worrying about whether she shit-talks some kids that are probably hundreds of miles away by now."
"Are they?" Emerald stared back at the direction they'd just come from, where Glory was probably still lying there. Waiting. "You saw. The pit dragons came back with blood on their claws."
"We don't know how that went." Mercury ran a hand through his hair and sighed. "This is exactly what I'm talking about. You can't afford to be worrying about them right now."
"I know."
"What's going on, Emerald? You're normally better at reading her. Shit, even Watts knows now isn't the time to go around pissing her off." That earned him another dirty look from Jade.
Emerald stopped walking. Mercury almost bumped into her, but managed to catch himself. She looked stricken, like she was struggling to get the words out.
"I can't stop thinking... it doesn't make sense. None of this makes sense. How are we supposed to be helping, if we're doing that?" She jabbed a finger in Glory's general direction. "What if... what if she only wants to hurt the Council?"
Mercury stood stock-still, too shocked to speak. Then all the air rushed out of him in a harsh, bitter laugh. "Yeah, no shit."
Emerald backed up a step.
"Are we talking about the same fucking person?!" Mercury's voice was rising, and Jade was starting to give him the evil eye again, but he didn't care. "Of course she just wants revenge! They killed her dragon, and now she's going do whatever it takes to incinerate every single one of them, and fuck whoever gets in the way."
"But—she saved us!"
"So?" He spread his hands. "We're good tools, Em. That's it." It felt good to say it—until Emerald crumpled in on herself, like she'd just lost the last thing keeping her upright.
"I can't do this anymore."
"...Okay."
She looked up sharply. "What?"
"I said fine." Mercury glanced at Rudder, who was watching them both with wide eyes. "We'll go tonight."