Chapter 12

"You must use your fëa, Holly. Allow your fëa to reach his and heal him." Nestarion instructed, holding Holly's hand over Rothion's wound. Holly squeezed her eyes shut in concentration, pushing her fëa out as far as she should, but to no avail.

"I can't do it. I can't stretch it...it's resisting me." she muttered tightly, brows furrowed. Nestarion smiled indulgently at his apprentice,

"No, Holly. You would not be able to. Though I feel that your fëa is strong, you are new to the Eldar and have not yet enough experience to manipulate it. No, I simply wished for you to learn how to feel and listen to your own fëa. It is in this way that elves' healing magic is utilised."

Holly allowed her brow to relax. She could feel her fëa, her soul, inside of her. It was like a light, an essence of being that she could not explain. Nestarion had spent the last week showing her how the elves used their own souls to heal the souls of others. Nestarion had used his fëa to heal Rothion, and though it would take her many years to learn how to manipulate her own fëa to heal others, it had been instructive to understand how it was done.

"I wish I could heal others as you do, Nestarion." she said, now relaxed. Rothion slept silently as they worked over him. He was resting now, but he had been healing nicely. In a day or two he would be back on his feet, and in a couple of weeks he would surely return to the border.

Nestarion patted Holly's hand softly, "You will, Holly. I said your fëa is strong and I meant it. Perhaps it is the Valar's touch on your existence, but your fëa will be capable of many things."

"Things other than healing?"

"Yes, it is our fëa that give us strength. Our lives are granted to us by Illuvatar through our fëa and our hröa, our soul and our body. One cannot exist without the other, but in the elves, our fëa is eternal. Your fëa is strong, you will one day be capable of great healing, if that is your wish. But you must practice." he responded, cleaning up his tools and bandages as he spoke. Holly assisted him,

"I want to do that – to heal with my fëa." she said, "I love to work with plants and poultices and stitches and bandages, but these are limited in what they can do. Your magic is amazing to me."

Nestarion stopped his work and smiled down at her, "Thank you, child. Alas, my skills pale in comparison to those of others. The Lady Galadriel herself is a great healer, for one. And that is to say nothing of the Lord Elrond, who is famed for his skills in healing."

"Who is Elrond?" Holly asked, feeling ignorant. There was so much she had left to learn about Middle Earth and the elves, let alone the other people of Arda.

"He is the Lord of Imladris and son-in-law to the Lady Galadriel and Lord Celeborn. His wife is the Lady Celebrian, who resides with him in Imladris. He is a healer of great renown, as well as a formidable warrior and loremaster.", he added with a wink, A wonderful example of how one may use a strong fëa for many great deeds."

"I feel I have so much left to learn." she said simply, with a shake of her head.

Nestarion chuckled, "You forget, child, that you are Eldar now. You have many years to hone your skills. It was not in a mortal lifetime that I learned to heal the way I do."

Holly sighed, "That's true. I admit I have a lot of trouble wrapping my head around the idea that I will live forever. But you're right, it leaves me a lot of time to learn, and I do love to learn."

"Perhaps, one day, when you are more practised in the basic healing arts, you may travel to Imladris and learn from the Lord Elrond himself. You are doing very well so far, better than I had expected." he said, as though it was rather hard to admit.

Holly smiled up at him, "But why would I go all the way to Imladris when I have a great healer here, surely there is much you can teach me?"

Nestarion's face grew serious, "Flattery will get you nowhere in my healing houses, Holly. Now wash those vials and change Rothion's bandage. Then you may go."

Holly snickered quietly as she busied herself with cleaning the vials. Nestarion was such a serious elf at times, and so kind and indulgent at other times. He was very changeable. Despite what he said, she knew he had appreciated her compliment. Indeed, she truly felt that she was learning a lot from him. She knew why he was impressed, and it was not to Holly's credit, specifically. Holly had the benefit of modern understandings of illness and wounds, knowledge that was common in her world but less so in Middle-Earth. It was not that this information was unknown to them so much as it was solely the occupation of healers, not of the common elf. Holly had impressed Nestarion on several occasions with her understanding of anatomy and sickness. Still, the elves lived and grew very differently, and they had deep magic that Holly had not yet fully understood. She looked forward to a time when she, too, could manipulate her fëa to help others.

Nestarion bid her a good afternoon and left Holly to finish her tasks. The day had been uneventful, but it was these days that Holly appreciated the most. It was on these days that she absorbed the knowledge that Nestarion bestowed upon her like a sponge. She had learned a lot this day, and felt that great progress had been made. She finished the vials and went quickly to change Rothion's bandage before leaving. The elf was still sound asleep, though his eyes had been open for some days now, much to Holly's relief. Things would likely be quiet in the healing telain for another week or so, Nestarion had said. Then, the patrol shifts would alternate again and they would be very busy for some days.

Holly removed her apron and hung it on the hook by the door and waited again for Ilwe to arrive. It was only moments before she did – Ilwe was always perfectly on time. She greeted the elleth with a smile,

"Good afternoon, Ilwe." she said in Sindarin. She wished she could converse more with the other elleth, but she still struggled with her elvish, "I change Rothion's bandages. All is quiet."

"Thank you, Holly." Ilwe responded with a smile. She had also been helping Holly learn Sindarin. On several evenings, Holly had remained behind after her shift and practiced her professional vocabulary with Ilwe, to better help her communicate with her patients.

She bid Ilwe goodbye and set off toward her talan. She now had the following two days off, as per Nestarion's schedule. She was looking forward to a couple of days of relaxation and idle chit chat with Eruana, perhaps practicing her Sindarin or learning more about the history of Middle Earth from Lord Celeborn's library. Indeed, as she walked to her talan she devised a wonderfully relaxing plan of changing out of her healer's robes, going to dinner, then returning to her talan to continue The Fall of Gil-Galad in peace.

Holly arrived at her talan and kicked off her boots in exchange for the simple grey slippers she usually favoured in the evenings. She changed out of her blue robes and into one of the simple dresses Ethiriel had designed for her. Above all else, she enjoyed these dresses most of all. She wished she could more often get away with wearing tunics and breeches, but it really was uncommon for the ellyth of Lórien to wear them outside of travel and training.

When Holly arrived, later that evening, to the dining hall, she found it devoid of any of her friends. There were elves she recognized and had been introduced to, but Rúmil, Orophin, Eruana and Haldir were nowhere to be found. Orophin and Eruana she knew to be dining in their talan tonight (they often had dinner a lone, little dates of sorts), and Rúmil was likely still training at the archery field. She did not know where Haldir was, but this did not surprise her. He was often out and about tending to his many responsibilities as Marchwarden of Lothlórien. Thinking of her lovely evening in, she was glad there was no one around to persuade her to do otherwise. Holly grabbed a plate and began filling it, enjoying the melodic chatter of the other elves in hall.

She was broken from her reverie by a sudden presence in front of her. She looked up and saw Haldir smiling down at her. She smiled back, mouth close, as it was still negotiating a challenging piece of bread. She gestured at the seat in front of her and Haldir plopped himself down unceremoniously. He reached across to her plate and snatched a small berry off her dish and popped it in his mouth with a sheepish smile. Holly swallowed,

"Would you like for me to make you a plate, Marchwarden?" she asked with a teasing smile. He chuckled,

"No, I have already eaten, thank you. Everything simply tastes better when stolen." he replied, then leaned back in his chair, watching her eat.

They had settled into an easy friendship since their talk. Haldir was still a terrible flirt, and though Holly could not help by rise to it at times, she founds herself enjoying their time together. Still, he kept her at a respectful distance. Holly was not entirely sure she was happy about this, but recognised that there was simply too much new stimuli in her life as it is, without adding a confusing romance to the mix. She was satisfied, therefore, to remaining Haldir's friend, and she very much thought that he felt the same.

"I am not actually here to steal your food, Holly." he stated simply, as she cleaned the final crumbs from her plate with a piece of bread. He was always amused by the way this elleth ate. She ate with the ferocity and hunger of a human, of one who craved. It was a feeling he was unfamiliar with, having never felt governed by such base needs in his long life. Holly, though, was different, and seemed to carry many old, mortal habits into her new life.

"Oh no? I thought you were here to enjoy the spectacle that is my evening meal. I know you all make fun of my eating habits. My Sindarin is improving, you know." she said, glancing at him from the side as she rose to dispose of her plate. Haldir followed her up,

"No, no, as amusing as it is to watch you eat I wanted to ask you something." he said mysteriously, following her out of the dining hall.

"Ask away, then!" she replied cheerily, feeling much more energetic after a good meal.

"I would like to know if you'd like to accompany me to Cerin Amroth. If you're up for a little walk." he asked, looking at her with a raised eyebrow. Ah, a challenge? She thought.

"What is Cerin Amroth?" she asked, curiously.

"Well, I was going to tell you the entire story on our walk, but in essence, it is an overlook in the forest that offers wonderful views of the Golden Wood. It is an ancient place, made by Amroth, one of the ancient kings of Lórien." he answered as they walked. He was not sure where they were going exactly, but Holly seemed to walk with purpose and so he followed her. "His tale is a sad one, but important to our people."

Holly appreciated his offer. She longed to explore the paths of the Golden Wood, but was afraid to go alone and get lost. "That sounds very nice, Haldir. When would you like to go?"

"If you are free, I know Nestarion is not occupied at the healing telain tomorrow?" he offered. Holly nodded, "Besides, it is about time I do my duty by Galadriel. I was meant to introduce you to our realm, but I fear I have failed in this regard thus far."

Holly laughed, "Depends, do you consider subjecting me to your obnoxious ways introducing me to Lothlórien?"

It was Haldir's turn to roll his eyes, "Well, an introduction to Lórien must also include an introduction to its people," he said, and then puffed out his chest exaggeratedly, "Of which I am of the highest import."

Holly laughed heartily at this, reaching high up to pat him lightly on his silver head, "Oh, yes. The very highest."

Haldir feigned insult and hung his head low. He then peered over at her with pleading eyes, "So, Holly, will you accompany me or not?"

"Oh, don't give me those puppy dog eyes!" she exclaimed, swatting at him. He dodged her deftly and stopped in front of her,

"I assure you, it is one of the most beautiful places in all of Arda." he said, seriously. He looked her in the eyes and she could see that he truly wanted her to say yes. She smiled a small smile at him,

"Of course, I would be happy to. When would you like to leave?" she asked, also stopping, having now reached their destination.

They were standing in front of her the steps to her talan. Haldir looked around him, realising where they were, "We will leave at dawn. I will come fetch you here, from your talan. My own is not far. Wear sturdy clothes, I will provide the rest."

Holly nodded and bowed her head at him in the elvish fashion, "Perfect. Dawn it is!"

Haldir smiled at her again, his eyes sparkling with merriment, "Until then, Holly."

"Until then," she responded, before turning to climb the steps to her talan.

Holly looked over her appearance in the mirror. Her hair was half pulled up in the braids favoured by the ellyth when travelling and in need of more practical hairstyle. Her eyes were clear and excited; she had slept well in preparation for their excursion. She wore breeches of soft brown-grey doeskin, a dark grey tunic, and her green cloak hung by the door. She opted for the soft leather boots she had worn upon her arrival to Lothlórien. There was something both comforting and entirely foreign about the boots. They were a worn, alien relic of a past life, one she could still remember but that seemed so far away and impossible. She looked at the stamp on the sole, the black number eight that represented her shoe size. Such things as shoe sizes and country of origin markings seemed ridiculous and overcomplicated to her now.

She attached a small pouch of healing herbs and slave to her beautifully-tooled leather belt, which rested on her hips tightly, keeping her tunic down. Haldir had told her not to pack much, he would provide most of their provisions. Holly wasn't exactly sure how long they were meant to be gone, but assumed the trip would not take more than a day. At any rate, had she needed a change of clothes, he would have likely told her. She packed, therefore, only her healing supplies, in case of emergency, and a small waterskin, which she filled at her basin of clean, cool water before closing the clasp of her cloak around her shoulders.

Holly watered her growing collection of plants, whispering quiet words of goodbye to the elanor and niphredil, gifts from the Lady Galadriel. She exited her talan and locked the door behind her. Haldir had not yet arrived, but he had been insistent that she not be late and be ready for dawn, and that she was. She sat on the top step of the staircase and awaited him, watching as the first rays of light streamed through the gaps in the treetops, casting a pale morning glow on the soft, green ground below. The great leaves of the mellyrn seemed to sparkle and glow as the light reflected off the drops of morning dew that clung there. Holly closed her eyes and took in the fresh morning air with a deep breath, listening to the scurrying sounds of woodland creatures and approaching footsteps.

As Haldir came upon Holly's talan, he could already see her waiting outside. She was seated atop the staircase, her long dark hair pulled back from her face. Her eyes were closed in silent reverie and Haldir enjoyed the look of peace and tranquility that graced her usually animated features. She may have been born mortal, he thought, but she looks every bit the elleth she is now. He recognized her reverential expression, for he, too, often found himself wrapped up in the smells and sounds of the Golden Wood – it had a mesmerizing effect on all who dwelt there.

Haldir trod more heavily on the forest floor as he approached, attempting to notify Holly of his presence without breaking her roughly from her peace by surprising her. As he walked up to her, her eyes opened slowly and she smiled at him,

"Good morning, Haldir!" she said happily, getting up from her seat. She dusted off the backs of her legs and walked down the staircase. Haldir returned her smile,

"It is a very good morning! Are you ready for your grand tour of the woods? I see you have dressed appropriately," he said, eyeing her outfit up and down in a approval. Holly nodded,

"Yes, well I am no stranger to long hikes. It was one of my favourite past times back home."

Haldir nodded, "Well, then you should find this entirely enjoyable, despite my company, for there are no finer woods in all of Arda."

Holly mock-frowned at his self-deprecation, "I am looking forward to a day in your company."

Haldir smiled involuntarily. In truth, he had been nervous to ask her to accompany him on this trip. While the events of their evening at Elenalcar had been resolved and a friendship kindled, he had recently sensed a distance in her countenance, as though she had been acting cautiously around him. He could understand why; what had transpired between them, though relatively innocent and ending in naught but wounded pride, had complicated her recently upset life. Surely she had enough to think about without having to worry about unrequited attraction or the awkwardness of budding romance. He had resolved, therefore, to pursue nothing but friendship for the time being.

His own feelings confused him- he had never been particularly skilled in that regard. There was certainly attraction there – Holly was beautiful to him and so very different from the simpering ladies of Caras Galadhon he was used to. Her spirit had fire and challenged him, and he found this terribly attractive. However, he did not know her. They had not spent more than a few days together since their meeting, and though he was now trying to count her amongst his friends, he had to admit to himself that he had invited her to Cerin Amroth in an effort to get to know this strange elleth better. Time would tell what would come of it, and time was something he knew they had in abundance. Therefore, despite his initial anxiety over their trip, he was glad she had agreed and reciprocated her feelings. He, too, was looking forward to a day in Holly's company.

They walked largely in companionable silence, only pausing for Haldir to explain some nuance of the forest or to point out some landmark or point of interest. They had exited through the main gates to the south, and circled up toward Lorien's northern border. They had been walking for a couple of hours when they came upon a small stream. Haldir stopped there,

"We may stop here, if you wish. We are approximately halfway to Cerin Amroth, we should reach the hill well before nightfall." he said, sitting on a boulder by the water's edge. Holly eyed the scene curiously and then her eyes lit up,

"This is where I bandaged your arm!" she exclaimed happily, recognizing their location. Haldir smiled up at her indulgently,

"Yes. We are not far from where I found you." he said, subconsciously touching the spot on his arm where her hands had so deftly treated his wounds. Holly looked wistfully into the distance at those words,

"It's so strange, Haldir, to think of how different my life has become." she said softly, sitting down on the forest floor and stretching out her legs in front of her. Haldir sat almost directly in front of her on the boulder, one of his legs stretched out as well as he opened the small bag he had brought with him. He looked at her curiously,

"Was your world very different from Middle-Earth?" he asked. He knew she had spoken of it in detail to Eruana, but he had no desire to pry behind her back, preferring to wait until Holly offered the information herself. Holly nodded solemnly,

"I can't think of a place more different from Lothlórien." she responded, letting her head hang forward. She was not sure if she missed it or if she just missed her family. Haldir offered her an apple and she took it,

"Would you tell me of it?" he asked slowly, "That is, if it does not pain you to do so."

Holly smiled sadly at him, "I miss my family, Haldir, but that is all. I miss Heather and Jarred, and their children. I loved them like they were my own. But I don't miss our world. There was a lot of beauty there but it was often hidden and hard to find. Our world was torn to pieces by politics and war and disregard for the Earth. Our world is governed by machines and devices that I could not begin to explain to you. We have a wonderful wealth of knowledge, however. Somehow that never stopped us from doing terrible things to each other, though." she said, before taking a bite of her apple and chewing thoughtfully. "Things are much simpler here, I love that about Lothlórien."

"If only all of Arda was as peaceful as the Golden Wood," Haldir agreed, "But we have war and strife here, too, Holly. Though you have not seen it. There is great evil in Middle-Earth, and there is also great beauty. I think in that way our worlds are similar."

"Still, at the risk of turning this into a my-horse-is-bigger-than-your-horse situation, there are devices in my world that could level Lothlórien in seconds. There is great poverty, great disease and a dying Earth. I am very happy to be here, though I know that Middle-Earth is not perfect. I know the histories of the First Age, I know of Morgoth and his servant Sauron and the wars of the Second Age. I am not ignorant of these things, but still, I choose to remain here."

Haldir chuckled at her analogy but nodded grimly at her description of her world, "Well, there are many who are glad of your coming. Eruana, in particular, counts you among one of her greatest friends."

Holly smiled, "Yes, Eruana is wonderful. How on earth did Orophin land that one?" she asked teasingly. Haldir laughed heartily,

"That is something Rúmil and I have been wondering for what seems like an age. She compliments him well, her easy nature suits him. Orophin can be difficult at times. Actually, Rúmil is the easiest of the three of us, and the youngest."

Holly bit the inside of her cheek and smiled mischievously at him, "Imagine that...Haldir admits that he is difficult."

He raised an eyebrow at her, "I said no such thing. I simply said Rúmil is the most easy-going of the three of us. Orophin is changeable. I am... well, I do not know exactly how I am but my brothers and I are very different. They are so young."

"You are the oldest? How much older than them are you?" she asked, her curiosity piqued. She knew Haldir was very old (actually, all the elves seemed old to her).

"I was born in the year three-hundred and thirty-four of the Third Age." he responded, "Orophin was born in the year one-thousand-fourteen, and Rúmil shortly after, in one-thousand-forty-two. So, I am nearly seven hundred years older than they."

Holly nearly choked on her apple. This did not go unnoticed by Haldir who chuckled lightly before taking another bite, "So that would make you...two-thousand, three-hundred and sixty-seven years old."

Haldir seemed to consider the number for a moment before frowning slightly but nodding, "Yes, that would be right. Does this surprise you?"

Holly laughed loudly, "Yes, yes it does. As someone who until recently had far-away dreams of living until the ancient age of one-hundred, yes, that does seem old."

"Yes, but you yourself are over eight-hundred in Middle-Earth. The Lady Galadriel said herself that time moved differently in your world." he responded, burying the core of his apple in the ground and stepping off of the boulder and seating himself down beside her. Holly curled her legs underneath herself and leaned back on her hands.

"I don't feel eight-hundred." she admitted, frowning. Haldir laughed,

"And do you think I feel as though I am over two-thousand?" he asked with a smile, "No, we simply are."

Holly felt strangely comforted by this thought. She supposed that amongst the elves, age carried little meaning. There were those, among the wise, such as Galadriel and Celeborn and the Lord Elrond, whose age lent them wisdom and knowledge, but to those normal elves of the Galadhrim, this was of little import. "So you helped raise your brothers, then?" she asked. Haldir nodded and began to fidget idly with a leaf that had fallen to the ground. Holly wondered if perhaps she had made him uncomfortable, "Sorry, I don't mean to pry."

Haldir looked sidelong at her and gave her a reassuring smile, "No, you did not. Yes, I did. My parents sailed to the undying lands shortly after Rúmil reached maturity. They were of age when our parents left, but young and very inexperienced."

"I think that is how Heather felt about me," Holly replied with a laugh, "She always had her life together and I was always stuck in a day-dream, looking for purpose."

"Perhaps that is why you were sent back, to find your purpose." Haldir answered, thinking back on the words of the Lady Galadriel. Not often were the Valar's actions needless. Holly met his eyes and smiled at him,

"I hope so. I certainly feel useful here. Heather would be proud of me, I think."

"And what of your parents? Your adoptive parents, I mean." Haldir asked, sensing an opening to ask of her family. She had shared little apart from some small details about her sister.

"Well, they passed away a few years ago, but you could never have found kinder people. They took Heather and I in without question. And, of course, I know nothing of my birth parents other than what Lady Galadriel told me when I first arrived. My father passed away first, his name was Rowan. A few years later, my mother passed, Laurel, as well. I think she was broken-hearted over my father's death and never really recovered from the loss. I think she gave up on a life without him." Holly answered sadly, "When she got sick, she just didn't really fight it. "

Haldir let his hand rest softly over hers briefly, curling his fingers around hers in a comforting gesture. "This is common amongst the elves, as well. Elves marry only once, and they marry for eternity. It is not uncommon for one to fade and pass when a mate is lost forever."

"I don't know if that is terribly depressing or terribly romantic," Holly said with a mirthless laugh. Haldir smiled dryly,

"Both, I suppose." he said, "I cannot fathom the feeling for I have never married, but Orophin has told me that the joining of the fëa is so tangible, that the loss of one's mate would sunder your own fëa beyond repair."

"That makes me sad." Holly said simply. She looked over to him and he seemed deep in thought, but answered after a moment,

"Yes, it saddens me, as well. But, the joys of binding with another are unmatched, they say. To give your fëa to another and to receive theirs in return is the greatest gift given to the Eldar by the Valar, greater even than our immortality."

A silence came over both of them then. Suddenly Haldir jumped to his feet and held his hand out for Holly to taken, "Come, we should continue or we shall not reach Cerin Amroth before dark. Enough of this talk, we are not yet done with our adventure!"

Holly smiled and took his hand happily, the melancholy moment dissipating before her like a grey mist clearing. The sun was shining and the forest was beautiful. She stretched her legs and followed Haldir away from the stream and further into the Golden Wood.

A/N: there, a little insight into Haldir's mind and some bonding moments there. Please review if you are enjoying this. If you have any constructive criticism, please share that as well :) It is always appreciated. I hope you enjoyed!