Well, I have been gone for long! Sorry, people, school was making life impossible. But I am here now! Also I am tired so I think there will be more typos than usual. And I will try to update next week, too, because I've been gone for quite a bit and I don't want to lose the feel of this story. But we'll have to see, I have a pretty busy week ahead of me, so I am not sure about anything right now. Which is annoying, but I cannot really do much about it.

DISCLAIMER: yup, I checked. Definitely do not own Death Note or any of its original characters or plotlines. But my OC's are mine, so yay, I guess. Also, I am a typo manic, so I would not recommend my stories if you are against those.

XxX

3. Shape

There were things I knew I could never get used to. One of these things was, of course, the private planes. The casual way Watari and Ryuzaki handled it, I couldn't do that. It was too much fancy in one place for me.

Both Arma and Ico had gone away, because both did not like being on an airplane. I had asked Ico about this multiple times, but she claimed that "some things are just more fun when you don't know the answers". She was vague like that sometimes.

'You look tired, sir,' Watari commented about halfway through our journey to Japan. Neither of us had as much as closed their eyes. Watari and Ryuzaki were both working on the computer, I was pretending to read a book, but I secretly was just worrying about everything inside my head.

'You always think I look tired,' Ryuzaki shot back.

'Ryuzaki,' I said lazily, something I did more often these days. When spending time with them, I realised they often had the exact same arguments, so I attempted to stop those before they started again.

But, sadly enough, both Watari and Ryuzaki were perfectly okay with ignoring me. 'You have not slept in too long, Ryuzaki, you must never let a lack of sleep influence your deductive abilities.'

'I do not ever let that happen,' Ryuzaki said, an answer I had expected him to say.

Rolling my eyes I decided I could just as well put on a movie and forget these men's existence for a short while.

The argument went on for a while and even with the volume of the movie on maximum I could still sort of follow what was going on. Which meant I heard Watari loud and clear when he said: 'We need to inform Near.'

I immediately held my face into shape, holding no reaction. I knew Ryuzaki would speak more freely if he thought that I could not hear him. I was right; from the corner of my eye I saw him looking at me. Pretending to realise that only a moment later I mouthed "what?" to him, feigning total innocence. He shook his head and turned back to Watari. I did not want to seem too suspicious, so instead of looking at his face to read his reaction, I looked back on the screen. The movie I was watching seemed boring all of the sudden.

'I know,' Ryuzaki responded, his voice less loud than Watari's. I was too afraid to adjust my volume, though, to scared he might notice.

I knew it was stupid, still doing this despite everything that had happened. But the problem was… I wasn't sure what had happened. If anything had happened. I still felt like he could just leave at any time. I didn't feel any better about my position by his side. Secretly, I liked the dangers. Secretly, my most selfish side was happy that there was another Death Note case. Because I could actually be more useful than others, I could not be replaced or left behind.

Well. I still could, I just had more hope that he wouldn't like this.

'Do you need to send someone after him?' Watari asked. 'You have been searching for him correct?'

Ryuzaki scratched the back of his head before putting his thumb against his upper lip, his words less understandable because of it. 'Searching someone who does not want to be found can be tiresome. We need to make sure he wants to be found. We need to make sure there is no reason for him to say no.'

XxX

'Jesus Christ!'

'Come on, can we not use the religion talk right now? It seems very inappropriate all of the sudden. Especially coming from you.'

'But… why did he do that? Why would he do that?'

'I don't know.'

'You have no idea?'

'None. I never have any clue what that kid was doing.'

'Seriously? But… But he whispered things in your ear, it says it right there in the file.'

'Yes, because he was trying to kill me. He didn't reveal his evil masterplan to me or anything like that. He wasn't like that. He never told me anything.'

'But… but I thought you were friends back then.'

'… We were not.'

XxX

Sometime during the flight I must've fallen asleep, because I awoke with the odd sensation that someone was standing close to me.

When I opened my eyes abruptly, I found Ryuzaki staring at me, hung over me as if he wanted to check if I was still alive or not.

Too surprised to find him so close to me, I jumped back. 'What are you doing?!' I shouted, also waking Watari up, who had been sleeping in his seat.

Ryuzaki took a step back, which was only possible because this plane was so damn spacious and put his hands into his pockets. Though, even hidden away I could tell they were fists. Not out of anger, but in an attempt to control… something. I had only see him do that a couple of times before.

It made me frown. 'What's wrong?'

He did not react, leaving a silence. A silence in which I could clearly think about what I did wrong. He had been worried, probably, as he was. Either he wanted to check if I was okay, or he wanted to check if I was alive or… Well, no. I would not consider the option that he used my naps to openly stare at my face. After all, he did not need to stand right in front of me to do that.

Watari observed Ryuzaki cautiously as he went back to his seat and jumped into it in his usual position. A slight frown appeared on his face. 'Are you alright?' he asked Ryuzaki, clearly already knowing the answer, but needing Ryuzaki to say it out loud.

I sighed and looked out of the window, already knowing that there was no place for me in that conversation either. I felt like a spoiled brat at times like this, mostly because I could just ask Ryuzaki what was up and what was down. I didn't have to wonder and think and complain in my head. I could tell him I had a problem with something and I could tell him that I'd liked to know where we stood. And I didn't. Because the thought of him giving the wrong answer still terrified me.

Which basically meant that nothing had changed and I was still a scared little idiot.

'Ryuzaki,' I suddenly said without any intention, interrupting whatever conversation he'd been having with Watari.

'What is it?' he asked, not hiding his suspicion as well as I knew he could.

I gave him a vague smile. 'Do you believe in ghosts?'

Stupid question, but A it was a conversation starter and B, I did actually not know the answer.

My questions only confused Ryuzaki more, he frowned. 'You are asking me whether or not I believe in ghosts?'

I nodded slowly, still the vague smile plastered on my face because I did not know what else to do, what face to pull.

'No,' he answered then, sounding disinterested even for his usual level. 'I do not.'

I straightened in my seat, willing him to speak more. 'Why not? If there are Shinigami, who's to say—'

'I do not believe in ghosts, Allison.' He looked at me with an almost cynical expression. 'Why would I?' he then asked, firing the question back to me.

'I don't know,' I said defensively, shrugging. 'It's a comforting thought. The dead watching over us.' I looked off in the window for about two seconds before looking back at Ryuzaki.

He looked like he was legitimately thinking about putting me in a mental institution. 'Since when do you find death so soothing?' he asked me with a voice that definitely sounded like he was planning on putting me in a mental institution.

I shrugged again. Maybe I didn't even mean it. Maybe I just wanted attention. It wasn't like there were any dead people that I was actually missing.

Light.

I shivered, looked away from Ryuzaki his face, too afraid he would guess what I was thinking. I did not miss Light. But what did come after death? He passed to whatever came after, like I'd asked the Shinigami King. Was a ghost something you became for or after what came after death?

Did it matter? I probably didn't even believe in ghosts. I could ask Ico. She would probably know. Whether or not she'd tell me was a whole other case, but it did not seem important right now.

'Don't think too much about the dead, Allison,' Ryuzaki suddenly said and when I looked at him, I saw he had his eyes closed. Like he was planning on sleeping. 'They are dead either way.'

XxX

'I would like to introduce you to Olivia Upson and Mister Watari. They are L's assistant and will be functioning as the communication between the Task Force and L, but also as valuable new members of your team.'

'What is this?'

'I don't agree with this.'

'Jesus Christ, another stupid interference.'

'What's with this flimsy looking laptop. Why doesn't L show his face?'

'He doesn't trust us!'

'Why should we trust him, then?!'

'I don't understand why the Task Force trusted him in the first place.'

'Yeah, to hell with L! He was even friends with Kira!'

'SHUT UP!'

Tears rolled down either side of my face. Not just because of this meeting. But because of everything that had happened the day before. So I repeated: 'Shut up.'

XxX

I walked through the familiar corridor with my suitcase, dragging it behind me like an unwilling child. It hadn't changed, of course, and Watari did tell me that he'd hired people to dust it before we came here. He also understood that after a long flight, I'd wanted to be alone. So he had followed Ryuzaki to the main room, a place I wanted to avoid for a while.

It felt like a ghost house now, silly enough. It had been so new, but suddenly, it felt old and rusty.

All the doors were still closed, as they'd always been, but the door to the room that I had mostly slept in was opened, the light on. I wondered if there was a button in the control room for that. Knowing Ryuzaki, I guessed there was. He could probably seriously spook me if he'd wanted to.

I walked into the room, immediately letting go of my suitcase, leaving in behind in the doorframe.

I wondered what I was expecting. Dust? Nope. Those plastic covers that you saw in televisions shows and at crime scenes? I had never actually been to such a crime scene, so I wasn't really expecting that. It was just my room, nothing new. Nothing had changed.

Nothing has changed.

I sighed and sat down on the bed, humming a song silently as I started at the unchanged ceiling. Maybe I should just sleep some more.

I sat up down a loud banging noise in the room came from the doorframe.

Ryuzaki stood there, almost as if frozen mid-fall, my suitcase on the ground. He looked at me with his big dark eyes, seemed disoriented. I couldn't remember if I had ever seen him stumble and fall over something before… and I couldn't help but laugh.

'Are you okay?' I asked while laughing.

'You two should really stop asking me that,' he mumbled as he gently pushed my suitcase out of the way and walked over to me, surprising me by sitting on the edge of the bed next to me.

'You should stop telling us what to do,' I said, still kind of laughing, not really thinking about what I was saying.

Which showed; Ryuzaki was confused. 'But I am your boss. That is literally part of my job description.'

I pulled up my eyebrows. 'I have never received a salary slip from you, sir.'

Ryuzaki was still confused. Probably because he did not understand the mocking tone. Or perhaps he was just very done with me at the moment. 'Do you want to receive prove of your salary monthly, weekly or daily?' he asked me, very seriously.

Which made me laugh once again, but this time it was because I was nervous and unsure how to behave myself. I wondered whether that was ever going to change or not. Probably not. 'I was kidding, don't actually do that.'

He pulled his eyebrows up. 'I was kidding, too.' But he said it so seriously again that I really wasn't sure what it was that he was actually telling me.

So I just nodded and tried to think of something to change the subject. 'Okay then. Hey, I wanted to ask you—'

Ryuzaki stopped me in the middle of my sentence with suddenly grabbing my face and kissing me. Out of nowhere. When I did not respond in about three seconds, he pulled away and stood, hands in his pockets.

I tried to refrain from licking my lips. 'Um. What was…'

'You and Watari will go to the police station tomorrow to introduce yourself to the new Japanese Task Force. Chief Yagami will be there, and Matsuda has come back to. Neither of the others were willing to return, so we were forced to bring in some new faces, hence I am not coming with you.'

The waterfall of words started and didn't seem to end as he slowly walked towards the door, avoiding my suitcase way more than necessary.

'Ryuzaki…'

'Also, we are having a few small problems with the boiler, so maybe not shower tonight, I am sure it will be fixed tomorrow and…'

'Ryuzaki.'

He had stopped talking now and was already in the hallway when I couldn't stand it anymore.

'Ryuzaki!' I shouted, so loud and hysterical that I didn't even recognise myself.

About two seconds later, his head popped back into the doorframe. And he looked understandably wary.

And I wasn't really sure about what to say. So, in typical fashion with tears in my eyes, I said: 'Can you just come here for a second?'

Still incredibly wary, he slowly walked up to me, staring at my crying face as if it was one of the weirdest phenomenona he had ever seen. After all the slow steps he slowly sat back down next to me again and I didn't wait as I just flung my arms around him and hugged him, pressing my face in his white sweatshirt.

He reacted way quicker than I'd expected him to, his fingers slowly grabbing my shoulder as if to hold me steady. I used this confirmation to swing one leg around him and crawl on his lap, which ended up pushing us both backwards until we were laying.

I wasn't even completely sure why I was crying, though there seemed to be so many different possible reasons. What I did know that when Ryuzaki started softly saying: 'sshh' in my ear, the crying only became worse.

XxX

'Chief!' I shouted, running towards the entrance as soon as I saw him walking out of there. Losing his son had clearly aged him, but it was still the boss I knew and liked. So I didn't hesitate and wrapped my arms his neck, hugging him as if he was my father.

He seemed unresponsive at first, but lightly tapped my back after a while, to which I slowly let him out of my grip.

Chief Yagami did not look very pleased, though. Or happy. Which I couldn't take too personally; this wasn't a very happy scenario. 'Good to see you again, miss Upson,' he said, his voice carrying the same old age his face now carried. Like his soul had aged about one hundred years, leaving his body behind. 'I wish we could have met again under more joyful circumstances.'

'How is everyone doing?' I asked as we walked inside the building. Watari had gone earlier tomorrow to do a basic safety test and to install some things that we might need.

Chief Yagami knew I wasn't talking about the police force. 'Sayu has actually learned to study on her own now. She is one of the top students of her class. And my wife… she tries to be strong. She struggles every day, Upson, I don't know how to explain it to you. It's like she is going through life one day at the time because she wouldn't make it otherwise.'

I hung my head, couldn't even picture it in my head. She had always been such a kind woman. Not strong in the physical sense and certainly not strict, but her kindness and heart were so strong. So, so strong.

'I am so, so sorry about everything that happened, Chief,' I said, already knowing that no words would ever sound sincere enough.

'It's not over, sadly,' he said, 'but I hope we'll both be there, you may share your condolences with me, then. When it's finally over.'

'I want to murder those Shinigami's,' I said in a fit of rage, making some people who were just walking around the office look at me strangely.

Chief Yagami made a low sound that I couldn't quite place. 'I don't think you would be in much trouble if you did.'

But he did not know anything about Ico, Arma and the Shinigami King. Not yet.

XxX

I feel like this chapter's shorter, is it? I am sorry, that was never my intention. It happens sometimes. Also, I have been looking up old murder cases and I honestly don't know why because now people scare me. Also, the movie Brimstone that I had to watch for school did not help. So I am spooked and going to sleep. In the dark. Well. Shit.

Anyway, thank you so much for reading! I will see you guys next time I update! Bye bye!

XxX

REVIEW REPLIES

Victoria-Nicole: Yeah, I do make a lot of typos, there's a warning for that at the beginning of the chapters most of the time. Also, I am not fluent in English. So yeah, if that bothers you, just stop reading the story because I just don't always have the time to proofread it 500 times and they just slip through my fingers every time.

yuuki01200: Hahahaha, so true!

hpfan59: oooh, that's an idea! Not sure whether I can do that, though xD, he is pretty hard to get. But I will include some scenes like I did before, just to understand him better (since he can be pretty hard to understand).

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