Ha. Ha. Ha. I'm stressed. Also, I have been gone for a while, sorry about that. I have actually been re-reading some of the chapters from Not a Piece of Cake, because I plan on re-writing that a bit after this is done. And now I am completely lost in this timeline and I need to read up on this. So, I made some stupid decisions and made it more difficult for myself. Yayy?

The stupidest thing is I had most of this chapter already written… in my head. And then I didn't write for a few weeks and then the chapter inside my head was gone. So, f*ck myself, I guess.

DISCLAIMER: Sadly, I still do not own Death Note or any of its original characters or plotlines. But my OC's are mine. Also, I am a typo manic, so I would not recommend my stories if you are against those.

XxX

10. Time Bomb

'Are you angry?'

Ryuzaki was staring in front of him, his thumb against his upper lip, which he usually did when he was thinking. The difference laid in his eyebrows, he almost seemed to be frowning.

He did not answer my question and I felt like that was answer enough, though not at all. I almost felt bad for Watari in the front seat, who probably felt the incredible awkwardness that hung around me and L.

'A car seems to be following us,' Watari then said.

Frowning, I turned around to look at the car. But I only saw a red car with an older woman, who seemed to be loudly singing along to the radio.

Ryuzaki was looking, too, but through mirrors. 'Where?'

'Black Ford Fiesta on the righter lane,' Watari replied, their usual quick communication at work.

I wish I had paid more attention during the lessons about car recognition, but honestly, I didn't, so I decided to just give up. A black car was hard enough to spot in the daylight, at night, I really did not feel up to it if it wasn't absolutely necessary.

'Leave it,' Ryuzaki then said, the anger from earlier returning. 'He can follow us if he wants to.'

I suddenly felt like I did not need to look at the car. I had a feeling I already knew full well who was in it.

So changing the subject suddenly felt like a wise thing to do. 'Did you know Sugawara was going to dismiss all of us?'

Despite my lack of hope, it actually worked. 'I knew it was a possibility.'

'How is Near?' I asked, the cynicism and anger in my voice now, too. Just because I couldn't help it. We were probably going to fight right here and now, with poor Watari having no choice but to listen. Perhaps it was good if he listened. Perhaps he could help and fix the mess this relationship had become, professional and otherwise.

Ryuzaki clearly avoided eye-contact as he spoke. 'I kicked him out. Along with his team, including detective Arai. They will no longer be working with us.'

I turned to look at Ryuzaki, frowning. 'You… kicked him out?'

'I did,' Ryuzaki responded soberly.

'Why?'

Ryuzaki looked out the window, into the night. 'I did not agree with his methods.'

'I don't agree with your methods, sometimes,' I said, indirectly asking more information.

Instead, Ryuzaki finally turned to look at me, his expression guarded. 'And you left.'

'So you kicked him out because I left?' I asked, now profoundly lost. Yes, I left, but it had nothing to do with working together with Near. It had been about Ryuzaki always keeping me away, keeping things from me.

'No, it's– Our… cooperation just simply did not work out,' Ryuzaki said. I could not recall, but this seemed like the first time Ryuzaki seemed to be struggling with words surrounding a case.

'And you are not going to elaborate, are you?' I asked, my cynicism creeping back in.

Ryuzaki sighed. A rather deep sigh. 'Not right now, no.'

That answer, accompanied with the sigh, only made me angrier. 'And why not?'

'Because you are very clearly upset and have been through a lot these past several hours,' Ryuzaki responded, as if it was clearly logical and understandable and I was just the idiot who was always left behind.

Instead of acting like a respectful human being, I crossed my arms in a childish attempt to show off my anger.

Ryuzaki did not really react to this, actually, he did not react at all. He just averted his eyes again, possibly looking at the car following us. I am not his priority. I did not understand how I could keep forgetting that. Perhaps it was hope, the kind of hope that ruined minds and souls alike.

I had started to believe that most kind of hopes were false.

XxX

I am not really sure what I was expecting. It was not like I had been gone for that long, so of course nothing would have changed.

Ryuzaki hadn't lied. Near was gone, along with detective Arai. But other than that… everything was the same. Me leaving had changed nothing, accomplished nothing.

As soon as we entered the main room, Ryuzaki seemed to prepare himself for a fight, because he kept his bag turned to me until he was close to his computers. Then he took in a deep, sharp breath and turned to face me.

But I wasn't screaming.

I tried to reach it, to find it, the anger, the shouting, the screaming. But when I saw this, how me not being here changed nothing, I just… became empty. I didn't even know what I had expected, but I knew I had expected something. Maybe the chess pieces were not in place, or the bowls of food would not be cleaned, or there would be papers scattered all over the ground.

Nothing.

Like my entire existence was nothing.

It did not seem like Ryuzaki understood why I was silent, it looked more like he was still waiting for the storm to come. And oh, how I wished that I had that storm in me right now, that I could burst. But there was no storm. My fire was out. My flame was dead.

'I can't do this anymore,' I said, voicing a thought I had been having for weeks. It was not only aimed at Ryuzaki. It was aimed at Arma, who had put her life in my hands. It was aimed at Near, who kept seeing everything as a game. Who kept cheating. It was aimed at Mishima, who was infuriatingly frustrating one moment and nicely frustrating the next. It was aimed at myself, who kept putting myself down. And I always put myself in situations in which I could easily get hurt.

'I can't, Ryuzaki,' I said, looking up at him. I'd only now realised my eyes had sunken to the floor.

Ryuzaki looked at me with a neutral, though slightly pained, expression. And I could tell that he did not understand what I was talking about. Yet he did not ask. As if he knew that if he said the wrong thing now, gave the wrong answer, it would all be over.

I wished I had that same knowledge. 'I just… I can't!' I repeated and then I did not stop. 'I am just… following people around constantly, not thinking, not doing! I am doing what you ask me to do, and yet I still get hurt. I listened to Chief Yagami and he died. He died, Ryuzaki! Arma is putting her life in my hands, trusting me for God knows why, and I am contiuously letting her down by letting my stupid emotions get in the way! And even when I listen to Mishima – Mishima! – nothing works out. What am I doing wrong, Ryuzaki, because this is clearly not working!'

'And you?' Ryuzaki then asked reserved.

'What?'

'What happens if you just listen to yourself, not to others?' Ryuzaki asked, clearly not having an answer himself. Clearly just… improvising.

'When has me listening to myself ever been profitable? Why would I listen to my damn mind when my mind does not even want to listen? Why would I listen to myself when I am surrounded by smarter people, older people?' My storm awoke. Ryuzaki seemed to be pretty good at that. 'Do you think I would listen to others if I could listen to myself? No! Because it freaking sucks to have to listen to others and just swallow their decisions and choices like it does not matter to you. But how can I not? My way never worked, so why not follow others?'

'Because that would be like a prison of your own making,' Ryuzaki said.

'To hell with prison,' I said. 'I still make the decision to listen, right? To hell with how that makes me feel, I have to do what's best for the world and peace and genius L has once again solved a case all on his own, because that is what he is best at.'

'You know that's not true,' Ryuzaki intervened, now a bit more strength in his own voice as well.

'Oh, yeah, because you were so great in involving me in your cases. Tell me, when is it not your first instinct to not tell me something? Do you like it, keeping secrets from me? Do you like not trusting me, even though you were the one keeping me around?' For some reason, I could not seem to stop. I just… kept yelling. 'I bet you regret ever asking me to be here. I bet you just feel guilty that I ended up in this mess. What else is there? I understand that you are not good at acting like a human and treating others as such, but you are an overall decent human being!'

Ryuzaki took a step closer. 'O—'

'Not only that, you seem to me overall decent to everybody else! Watari, you treat well. Hell, even Near gets a better attitude from you than I do!'

'You left,' Ryuzaki stated.

'And Near didn't?! I would like to remind you that it took years – years! – for my patience to run out! I am not asking you to change, Ryuzaki, am I just asking you to explain! Just explain to me what the hell I keep doing wrong! Why does this kind of stuff keep happening to me?!'

Then Ryuzaki crossed the last bit of distance between us, but only to cover my mouth. 'Listen, you are not thinking straight. Nothing is happening to you alone, everyone is in this. Together. Odds are not evenly split, nor is luck. But justice will prevail. That is sadly the only comfort I can give you.'

Did he really think this was about Neo Kira? After everything I said? How was I supposed to communicate with him if he kept this notion that justice was the priority intact? This whole situation, this whole fight. None of it made any difference.

So I licked his hand.

But Ryuzaki did not pull away. But he did ask me: 'Did you just lick my hand?' It was clearly just a question out of curiosity, he was clearly not angry.

Which only frustrated me more, so I stared at him angrily and tried to bite. Something that was pretty hard to do when Ryuzaki held me in some sort of death-grip.

Ryuzaki sighed. 'You do realise that your tongue has been in my mouth, right? Simply licking my hand will not drive me away,' he said before pulling his hand away.

'And you do realise that you rarely acknowledge that fact?' I shot back.

Ryuzaki did not get my remark. 'I'm sorry?'

As I talked I stepped away, towards the table, away from him. 'You, do you ever really acknowledge the fact that we are clearly not just co-workers, or even friends? Do you ever really talk about it? How am I supposed to know what to expect in the future, what our relationship will be, if you refuse to communicate with me? I am not asking you to change, Ryuzaki, really, I'm not, but you have to communicate. I can't just be the string that ties us together on my own.'

I was surprised to find Ryuzaki really frowning now. 'Is that what you really think?'

'How can I not think like that?' I asked, so frustrated, but very tired. The storm had come and gone like it was nothing. And I was unsure if I was ever able to feel that storm again, that was how tired I felt.

Ryuzaki stood still, like a statue, thinking in a panic. I frowned slightly, not sure what he was thinking so hard about, but then he suddenly walked over to me and grabbed my face, so unnaturally that I would've laughed had it been a lighter situation. 'Olivia,' he said, then cringed. 'Allison, there is something you need to understand. You… You are my everything.'

My frown disappeared. Than reappeared, but probably ten times worse. But this time it was more because I was trying to keep tears from falling. Had Mishima hit me on the head and was I dead? What had I done to hear these words now, after everything that had happened, that had gone wrong?

'You are my everything,' Ryuzaki repeated, like a vow. 'But… You should not be. Because I am still L. Humanity should be my everything. Justice should be my everything. I cannot choose you simply because I want to. I need to be L, first. Everything else second. You, second.'

'I get that,' I said, my voice almost a whisper. This was what I had guessed, yet feared. 'But don't you see how most of what I do in influenced by you? Can't you imagine how it makes me feel when you push my away, my presence away, because you are L?'

'So what do you suggest?' Ryuzaki asked me. 'Do you want to leave?'

I thought about that, while Ryuzaki drew lazy circles over my cheeks with her thumbs. It would be so easy to give in to it, to just move back. But… I just wasn't convinced anything would change if I crawled back now. 'I think…' I said, not sure how to finish the sentence.

'Hm?' Ryuzaki lazily asked.

'I think I need… time,' I finally responded. 'To think, I mean. I think it would be best if we finished this case… apart from each other.'

'Hm. Would you mind telling me why you think that?' Ryuzaki said, not loosening the grip he had on my face.

'I think that I… That we… Uhm. I think we fall into patterns were we forget the other is a human being. I think we need to look at our situation from a distance before we can find a sure way to fix it,' I explained awkwardly.

Ryuzaki seemed to think about it, but I was unsure, he could very well be pretending to be thinking. I knew he wasn't good with all the "human"-stuff. 'Where will you be staying?'

'Ah, Misa already told me I could lend her apartment. I haven't had the chance to receive a key yet, but I have the number of her agent and he has a spare key I'm allowed to use.' As I was speaking, I noticed Ryuzaki seemed to get sad. Not only that, but worried. I felt like I had seen that face a bit too much since the Neo Kira case. I wished there was a way to put an end to it forever. 'But I'll still be your Shinigami-consultant for the Neo Kira-case, so I will be in contact. And I will probably be here during working hours, because that seems like the most convenient thing to do.'

Ryuzaki's face seemed to light up a bit. Not like it was okay now, but definitely better. He let his arms drop, 'Have you heard anything from the Shinigami's as of late?'

Back to business. But now, strangely, I did not care. Maybe we both needed the distraction. 'Ehh, from what I could gather, Ico is either looking for or following Neo Kira or his accomplice and my last conversation with Arma was interrupted by Mishima.'

Should not have mentioned Mishima. Ryuzaki stepped further away. 'Do you think Mishima could be useful to our investigation?'

I frowned. 'Well, yeah, as useful as he can be. He does his homework, that's for sure. I'm pretty certain he is going to continue investigating on his own, anyway. Why do you ask?'

A sigh. 'Because Mishima followed us here. Watari is currently keeping him company in the black and brown kitchen.'

'Pardon?' The idea of Watari and Mishima drinking tea together or something of the kind seemed hilarious to me. 'Why did you let him in?'

'I wanted to ask him to join us,' Ryuzaki said, clearly taking my communication-rant to heart. 'And since you reacted so badly to my decisions before, I thought a warning would be in order.'

'Thank you,' I said, almost dreamingly, about us much touched by this as by his "you're my everything". Those words would certainly haunt me for the rest of my life, but for now, it seemed to be in the best way possible. 'I assume you do not want me to greet him before leaving, am I right?' I asked, almost teasingly. Secretly hoping he would be jealous.

And he seemed to be, because he shook his head decisively. 'No, I'd rather not. I'll show you out, though. Do you need anything from here? Clothes, food, something?'

Had not thought about that, to be honest. 'Yeah, perhaps a bag of clothes could come in handy,' I admitted, after which Ryuzaki gave me a short smile before escorting me to my old room.

XxX

Ryuzaki pressed that he wanted Watari to drop me off, but I was fine with taking the subway. When I was alone, I kept waiting for Arma to appear in front of me, but she never did. Maybe Arma had gone looking for Ico. Maybe Ico and Arma were both still looking for Neo Kira.

Like a true stalker, I had googled Misa's apartment before coming, so I knew exactly which apartment was hers. A personal assistant would be waiting by the door with the key. But as I walked towards the apartment complex, a familiar shape hovering in the air caught my attention.

'Huh?' Ico said. 'Hey! What are you doing here?'

I could answer her, simply for the fact that she was hovering over someone. A man dressed in white training bottoms and a dark blue sweater with white jacket. He looked like a wanna-be-gangster, honestly, and his hood was pulled up.

Because I had stopped walking to look at Ico, the boy stopped, too, eyeing me with surprisingly angry eyes.

Lucky enough for me, Ico was as talkative as ever. 'I think he's an accomplice of Neo Kira, that's why I'm following him. So far, he hasn't led me to anyone or anything, not even a Death Note and I haven't seen Ryuk, either, but it's definitely him.'

That information made me staring at him officially suspicious.

I gave him a nod and started walking faster toward the right door to get into the complex. As soon as I got in, out of his sight, I was running. Instead of the stairs, though, I got into the elevator this time, while trying to catch my breath. 'Oh, this is not fun,' I muttered to myself, leaning against the wall.

'Are you alright, miss?' the personal assistant asked me when I reached the right door.

My appearance must indeed not look that great, especially since I was still slightly out of breath, but I smiled nonetheless. 'Yes, of course, just a bit tired, thank you.'

Instead of opening the door for me, however, he handed me the key, said goodbye and left. I was not sure if I should find that rude or not, but it was already getting late and he surely had more important work to do, so I decided to not overthink it.

As I entered the… frankly, mess that was Misa's apartment, I wondered what Ico must've thought when she saw me. Our conversation had been so short, not even a conversation, really. She must've understood though. And we couldn't risk losing the lead, so it was probably better this way. I would tell Arma to look for her next time she showed up.

And then I found myself wondering what Neo Kira's accomplice was doing here, in this neighbourhood, so close to Misa's old apartment. That could not… That couldn't be coincidence, right? Tokyo was so big, what were the odds?

For a J-Pop star, Misa's apartment was fairly small. The kitchen connected to the living room, with a bedroom, a bathroom and a small guest room at the right. When I entered the bedroom, I was surprised to learn that she kept that room pretty neat in comparison to the rest of the apartment. That and she had big windows looking over de street.

With a slightly scared curiosity I stalked over to the window to look down at the street, only to find Ico there, still hovering at the other side of the road, clearly not seeing me. There was, however, someone there, on the other side of the road, we did see me.

It had not been a coincidence. This young man was an accomplice, if not, Neo Kira himself. Because he somehow knew this was Misa's apartment.

And he was staring right at me.

XxX

Ohh, this was a short chapter that took a really long time to write. I was seriously out of it, which it so frustrating! If any character, especially L seemed too OOC, you can blame me being out of it for that. Also, I am currently in the midst of a student group project and it's pretty tiring (and annoying, don't tell my classmates), so it could be that the next update won't be there for a while. Ahh well, I will do my best, I promise. Thank you for reading and until next time!

XxX

REVIEW REPLIES

lunamoon531: man, seriously, PE SUCKS! I am so happy I'll never have to get out of bed for PE. And thank you for loving it! It's kind of hard to create conflict when Allison always chooses L without much doubt, but I do my best. Without forcing, of course, because then my own OC would become OOC and that's so meta that I don't want to think about it. Anyway, have a great day/evening and I wish you good luck with PE.

XxX