Hi, guys! How are you guys doing today?
Sunday is my birthday but who gets my gift is you! And it's one more chapter of Unfaith (for those who wants e dead).
Yes, the next chapters are going to take a while since I have no time to sit down and write (that's why I hate this chapter so much!).
The next chapters (or the next one I have not decided it yet) will be complicated to write, understand and accept what is going to happen (at least for someone here, maybe me?)
The last chapter as you already knows it is named Josh and it is done. We will see what is happening with Josh in this chapter; we will know who Josh gets a strong connection with, who makes his dumb heart beat happily (what I'm going to say is that she's amazing and someone will hate her or not).
Thank you very much for your reviews! You don't know how they helped me and I'm serious!
He thought he could get through it, but after his anger passed he found himself missing her. Sleep, if you could call that sleep, without her by his side was the worst thing he had ever experienced; don't feel Maya's warm next to him or her perfume around him was like the worst torture and Lucas found himself wondering what he'd done so wrong, because if he could, he would go back in time and fix whatever it was.
Riley had looked for him less than forty-two hours after he'd left her best friend and since his anger was still there, Lucas had forbidden her to talk about Maya with him. But Riley didn't give in because it's not like her to give up, so she eventually ends up talking about Maya every time they met, saying him that Maya was devastated by their break up too, and Lucas in anger had shouted to Riley if she knew the reason why they were like that. He saw his friend look at the floor and apologize and then he knew that Maya had somehow hurt her too, but he was surprised when his friend told him that Josh had asked her for advice and that she had sent him straight to Maya, even if she didn't know that woman who he was talking about was Maya. Lucas apologized to Riley for yelling at her, but he knows her pretty well to know that she was torturing herself believing that she was the one to blame for what happened, which wasn't true.
Zay said that he could stay as long as he needs and Lucas had promised him that he would find a place for himself soon, but when he had tried to look at the rental ads on the newspaper nothing seemed good enough for him, and then he realized that he didn't really wanna a new place. Find a new place would be like admitting that they are over forever and even if she had hurt him so deeply, Lucas wasn't ready to admit it and he never wants to be ready to. He had come to think that if Maya said that Josh had never touched her he would forgive her at the same time, but he knew this was bullshit, it was obvious they were already got that intimacy and he already knew that.
In the third week, he found himself driving on the street of her apartment or her studio so he maybe would be able to see her from a distance even if she did not know it and he hoped she would not catch him because he was not ready to face her yet.
He had seen Josh in a bar, and the only thing that went through his head was that he wanted to punch him until his face gets unrecognizable, as if by doing that all that suffering could easier, but Lucas was surprised to realize that he was accompanied by a brunette, and they seemed happy together, acting so in love, which led to Lucas to wondering if Maya knew about them or if she would experience the same feeling that she had put him through.
Everyone wanted to know what had happened between them since everyone took Lucas and Maya wedding for granted. His mom, one of the people who had been completely against the idea that they were living together without being married, was the one who tried hardest to change his mind and go back to Maya, and Lucas wondered what she would do if she found out what, in fact, Irreconcilable differences means. His Pappy Joe was in town to spend a few days with his son and grandchildren in that crazy city (like he usually says). He has noticed how down his grandson was feeling in these days and asked him to take him to the most beautiful place in the city. Lucas took him to watch the sunset on Brooklyn Bridge. They were there in silent, just watching the sunset, all that beautiful colors taking over the sky from that metropolis among the highest skyscrapers they had ever seen.
"So, you're not going to tell me what really happened between you two?"
Said Pappy Joe without taking his eyes off of the sky, Lucas was silent for a moment uncertain what to say to his granddad.
"We just... we just didn't work out."
"You can keep on giving these answer and carry all the weight of what happened on your shoulders, or you can talk about it to someone that you trust, like this old man who has gone through many things, things that you can't imagine, and maybe we can find a way to solve what had happened, but son, solutions aren't always easy, usually, they come with some sacrifices and pain."
His eyes keep on watching the sky as the city lights began to light up, perhaps his granddad was right, maybe it would get better if he opens up and talks about it with someone, someone like his granddad.
"Maya cheated on me."
He heard his granddad take a deep breath and keep silent for a few seconds.
"Did she?"
"She cheated on me with Riley's uncle."
"Oh really?" He looks at Lucas a little disturbed by his grandson words "with one of those older gentlemen?"
"No, she cheated on me with Josh, Riley's youngest uncle. He is two years older than me."
"I understand it."
They were silent for a moment and Lucas got that his granddad wanted him to feel comfortable to keep talking when he felt ready to do it.
"She'd had a crush on him since we were twelve years old, but he never really cared about her, you know, like a girl who he wants to date, actually, he ran away from her saying she was too younger for him. Then we got older, things changed, and they went out once years ago when we were in our senior year, a week before he moved and Maya thought that from that day on they would be more, they would be boyfriend and girlfriend, you know, but no, Josh completely ignored her after that night and she got really down because he showed that what had happened between them meant nothing to him. The first day I saw them together at the welcome party that Riley had thrown to him, I knew something would happen, and I was sure when I saw them alone in a bar, she had lied to me that day when she told me she was going to a meeting with a customer who actually was Josh. I didn't know what to do, sir... I didn't know what to do after that. I just hoped she would end up things between us so they could finally be together, but Papi Joe, I didn't want to lose her because I loved her, then I decided that I wanted her back, I wanted her to remember why we end up together, but that wasn't enough, Maya continued going out with him. The fact that she'd forgotten our five-year anniversary to spend that night with him, at his home, that was the last straw, I couldn't stand it any longer."
"It hurts, doesn't it?
Lucas felt the first tears rolling down his face.
"It does, a lot actually. I can't understand why she did this to me? Why am I not good enough for her? Why don't I deserve her respect?"
"How were things going on between you two before he came to New York, son?"
"We were okay... Maybe not seeing each other very often because of our work got almost all of our time, but we were fine."
"Lucas, did you make time for her? You know, to take her out just to spend some time together and chat about nothing and everything?"
"We didn't go out a while. Talk like talk, we didn't talk a lot, sometimes the only thing I wanted to do was to take a shower and sleep, other times Maya was already asleep when I got home, sometimes we only saw each other in bed while the other slept.
"Did you two... you know... make love often?"
Lucas felt his cheeks heat up for his granddad's most intimate question.
"No, we hadn't been together for a while. Like, before I tried to get her back."
"Lucas, you know these things are necessary for a relationship. What you're telling me boils down to two people who shared a house and bills and it is all."
"I..."
"Son, when you ceased to be her boyfriend or husband, whatever you call it because for me you were her husband. When you stopped paying attention to your relationship with Maya you opened the door to other people, when you stopped giving attention and affection to her you gave the opportunity to another one who wanted to give the affection and attention that you aren't giving to her to walking in between you two and break you two apart. Son, in a relationship we shouldn't take everything for granted as if that person were yours forever and you don't have to worry about anything. We have to take care because love is like a delicate flower, it grows every time it is watered, but if it is forgotten and is not watered it besides not grow, it dies."
They were silent, Papi Joe was right, he had heard that several times from different people, he had heard his mom say that, besides the sex chat, when he and his siblings started going out with other people.
"Lucas, what did you see in Maya? What made you want to date her?"
Lucas took a deep breath.
"I fell in love with the way Maya is, not her looks. She's... She was the most loyal person I'd met, talented, confident, funny, she liked me for who I was. I don't know when I began to love her. I believe that the fact of living together for years, being close and going through things together always supporting each other got us together..."
"Do you think you can forgive her?"
"No. I don't know. People who love each other never cheat the other."
Lucas heard his grandfather's muffled laughter.
"Who said that?"
"Everyone!"
Lucas said without understanding the attitude of the granddad.
"This is so sad, Lucas. I don't believe in this kind of love. I don't buy this view of romantic love that people are selling these days. This idealization of happily ever after; if someone really loves you that person would never cheat on you otherwise this person never really truly loved you. Do you really believe that?"
"That's what they taught me, sir."
"Well, when you believe in that idealization, you're running the risk of forgetting who we really are. Son, I don't doubt that every person who loves, who truly loves his or her partner, she or he has the possibility of at a certain moment cheat on the other person who she or he loves and the feeling also, that can happen to anyone. We are human beings, the most perfect creature that God has handmade, the most perfect and so full of flaws. We are weak, Lucas. We made and we're going to make a lot of mistakes because learning from them makes us grow as human beings. Maya made a mistake. She hurt you and hurt herself when she was unfaithful to you, to the two of you. I'm not justifying her mistake or easing it, but Lucas, do you imagine how hard must be this situation for her? Yes, the person who got cheated is deep hurt with this situation, but the person who cheated also suffers, because cheat hurts. Of course, if this person is a person who has a good-natured, has a strong character; she or he feels bad about the cheating that she or he did because it was with her or his own mistake that she or he hurt them."
"I don't know what to do. Maya hurt me so deeply."
"Lucas, is there anything in you that gives you reasons to forgive her, something that makes you want to get back with her?"
Lucas looked down at his hands.
"I don't know."
Is there a reason? He honestly didn't know, perhaps these years together, that friendship they had built through all these years together, maybe that feeling that still inside of him.
"If there is love if your reason is the love you feel for her, Lucas. You should try to forgive her. Forgive her doesn't mean that you are going to say that you are ok with her mistakes. When you forgive someone, this doesn't mean that you are allowing that person still doing wrong in our whole life together, it means you are letting that pain behind, in the past so it doesn't hurt you as much as it does today. I won't fool you, son! Forgives is hard, it's no mean feat."
"How could I stay with her if I can't trust her? You know trust is something too important in a relationship."
"Yes, trust is important, but do you know what the most important thing is in a relationship, son?"
Lucas did not answer, he just stared at the few signs the sun had been there.
"Love. Love is the fundamental pillar of a relationship. You can love a person really deep even when you don't trust that person anymore."
"What do you mean?"
"It is not your case, so let's imagine a father who loves his son, but he can't trust on his son anymore because his son had done so many things wrong and that caused the father's trust in his son to break. You know, it's much easier rebuild the trust in a relationship than try rebuilt love in a relationship when there is no longer love between them. You and Maya have begun this relationship with three pillars: friendship, trust, and love. Yes, one of them has been destroyed, but if there are still any of others pillars up, if you really love her, you should give you a try."
"How could I rebuild my trust on her?"
"I wish I could answer that question, son. But I'm afraid that I'm not the right one for that. I believe if your grandma was still here with us, you two would have a great chat, and she could truly help you with this question. Maybe you and Maya should talk, create a certain loyalty contract between you two, for example, I don't want you to talk to him, or go out alone with him or see him; I want no password on our phones; no more lies..."
"You only will know that if you try, son. One important thing Lucas: people will want to mind on your business, they will say that you are an idiot for giving you two a second chance, of course, if that is your will. They will tell you that whoever cheats on you once will always cheat on you, which in some cases may occur depending on the mettle of the person, but also may not happen again since I know couples who have been through this same situation and today they are strongest together than they were before the cheat. Remember son, this is your decision, just yours since no one knows how you feel, they don't know the story of you two, they don't know what happened. And believe me, some of those same people who today hit their own chests saying that they would never forgive that person who did that to themselves would end up forgiving their partners in a situation like this, of course, if they really love them!"
"This is so hard."
"Feelings and relationships are not easy, Lucas. Don't believe in that bunch of bullshit that people say. Relationships aren't Disney fairy tales where everything ends with a happily ever after."
"Pappy Joe, if grandma had cheated on you, would you forgive her?"
"I'm sure I would forgive her the same way she had forgiven me."
*Bugs Bunny's Voice* "That's all folks!"
Thanks for stopping by!
Sorry for any spelling and grammatical errors or some nonsense here.
Eat your vegetables and do yourself a great weekend and week!
See you in a few days (or months, who knows?).
"...I've been waitin' all night, lookin' for your headlights. I know that we're strangers, but I'll leave it all for you.
Go anywhere you wanna go, I don't really need to know if my heart is in danger 'Cause as long as you're the driver I'm your hitchhiker."