Hi guys,

How are you doing?

I hope you're doing good. I disappeared for a while, I'm sorry, there's a lot going on right now.

Another chapter of Unfaithful, the next chapter will be out next year! ;P

"You love him."

Maya negatively shook her head.

"No! I don't love him."

Lucas shook his head, his eyes were watering as he averted his gaze from her.

"Yes, you do. You love him and I could see it in your eyes every day."

"No. I don't love him, Lucas."

"Yes, you do! If you don't love him..."

"Lucas, I know how I feel! I believe we've both learned that we should not say how people are feeling, didn't we? We can't because we have no way of knowing this."

She said louder making him shut up.

"When he came we were just friends, Josh enjoyed to talk to me and I liked having someone listen to me. He was funny, fun, kind, interesting. So we kissed, it was accidentally and that's where it all started to go wrong. I felt something...I felt something that I couldn't explain, and then he kissed me again, and that's where we crossed the line of being just friends.

"Maya, I don't want to know..."

"You need to know, you want to know!"

She cut him off. Maya offered her hand to Lucas hold but he looked at her for a second and turned away refusing it. Maya came over and took his hand on hers, walking him to the bed with her.

"We need to talk, Lucas."

She said as she sat and touch the spot at her side for him to sit down, but Lucas refused to sit next to her.

"We have nothing to talk about."

He said releasing his hand from hers, Maya bit her lower lip and sighed.

"We do and you know it."

"I don't want to know about your dates. I don't want to know how good it was, how good it was to go out with him behind my back, how good it was to be in his bed while I waited for you here like an idiot."

He felt the poison of his hurt in his words and saw new tears rolling down her face.

"Lucas, I told you we didn't go that far!"

"But you wanted it! And you didn't even care about the fact that I love you! That I loved you so much!"

He heard his scream echoing in the bedroom. He couldn't do it, he couldn't lose the control, he didn't want to get in trouble with their neighbors. Lucas watched her try to wipe away the new tears that now were falling down even faster.

"And I love you!"

The sound of his laughter sounded through the bedroom.

"No, you don't love me! You like that guy who didn't even care about you, who never bothered to make a simple call..."

"I thought I did..."

She said in a whisper.

"Sorry?"

He cut himself off.

"I thought I liked him."

Lucas laughed not believing in what she was saying.

"You thought."

"For a while, I thought I really liked him, but after everything that happened and after many conversations with my mom and Riley I came to a conclusion..."

She thought she liked him, what did that really mean? Maya was silent for a moment.

-######-

Riley was upset after learning what had happened, and she was even more upset to know that Maya had hidden all this from her, what made her question their friendship because if they were really best friends, supposedly, Maya should tell her everything.

"Do you love him?"

It was the words that left her best friend's lips after a few minutes of silence, Maya stopped staring the wall and turned to the brunette lying next to her.

"I don't."

That simple words came out of her mouth naturally, if she was honest with herself she would know that this was never an option for them, love Josh never crossed her mind.

"I think so because if you didn't have feelings for him we wouldn't be here now, Maya."

"You know, I just said that words to a guy, Riley."

Riley sat on the bed.

"I'm not talking about saying, I'm talking about feel, Maya. You have feelings for him, and you have them for along.

"Josh is a great guy, and you know that he is amazing. He has all that energy, joy. He is attractive, interesting. He cares, he can make you feel so special. We were just friends at first, friends who sometimes hang out to talk about what was going on in our lives, something I had not done with another person in a while. But something changed that day, that Friday when we accidentally kissed, I don't know how to explain what a felt that day. It was running in my head until the day he came up and kissed me again. That good feeling settled on me, it's been a long time since anyone treated me like he treated me; long time since someone was lovable with me as he was, that someone cared about me as he did and that affected me to the point of wanting him by my side at all times having all his attention.

"He asked me to go to his place, and it made me nervous because we had never been alone this way with no possibility of someone interrupting us. Then things got more serious and I was in his bed wanting all those sensations that I had not for some time because things with Lucas were so cold, we didn't even have sex for a few months and hardly kissed at that time. But I couldn't go on, I could go any further because Lucas was in my head and it hurt. I could never do that to him. Josh walked away from me a bit after I rejected him in his bed, he reduced his visits to the studio and it made me feel down since he wasn't there to talk to me; to tell me how his day was going on; he wasn't there to listen to the nonsense that had happened to me. Then there was a second time, we were kissing on the couch in his living room so we could have our first time, but no, Lucas was in my head and Josh's touches suddenly lost their meaning to me, they were no longer provocative as before, and then I rejected him again.

"He filled me up with gifts, something that I hadn't won in a while, all that special attention made me feel so good. He went to California to spend that week there and it was a torture because not having him there was unbearable. There was no one that I could do what we did, no one who I had a connection like we had and it made me look forward to the day he arrived, and when he arrived I could no longer bear that distance between us and we almost had sex in my studio. But Lucas was there, he called me, something not very usual of him lately, and for some time I forgot Josh's presence until I saw myself alone there. So, for the first time in months, Lucas and I were able to have breakfast together like we did before. It was to be expected that I did not feel anything for Lucas if I really like Josh, but with every touch of him, I found myself dizzy, wanting more and more of him. I missed Lucas so much, I missed be like that with him, but he started acting strange and I did not understand the reason until I saw that mark on my shoulder. That had confirmed to him that I was seeing someone else. I was so terrified because for the first time the thought of not having him in my life went through my head. For the first time, I realized that I was losing him and it was all my fault.

"I was so scared, Riley. I was too terrified because Lucas didn't talk to me anymore and it had torn me apart. It was the worst thing I had ever experienced, being without Josh was nothing close to that pain that the silent treatment I was getting from Lucas, this was fucking tearing me up. Then Lucas talked to me for the first time, he said he loved me and I didn't even remember when it was the last time he'd said that to me. Lucas kissed me, and with all those kisses my mind went blank. I couldn't think about anything else, I just desperately needed him. When it was all over, I was forced to face the reality, I couldn't go on with Josh because whatever we had didn't get closer to what Lucas and I had; and I was sure of it the first time Josh's lips touched mine after that night. Josh said he loves me and I didn't know what to say or do because I didn't feel the same about him and that kept running through my head for a while. There was a voice inside of me telling me to not believe in what he was saying because he doesn't truly love me."

"Do you remember that date you got for your uncle?"

Riley nodded.

"I should have paid attention to that since the fact that he was dating someone else didn't affect me as much as it should have. If I really like him I should have been so upset with that, but no, I wasn't, not really. Things between Josh and me had changed since that night with Lucas, and I know he also felt that. It was as if all those feelings were fading away day after day. Things with Lucas had also changed, he was more present, more considerate, he struggled harder to us be together, and instead of Josh being in my mind it was Lucas, it was only Lucas who was on my thoughts.

"I ended up at Josh's place more as a way to shut him up than to want to be there because he was already pushing it too hard. He kissed me, but the only thing that was going through my head was Lucas and how Josh would never make me feel like Lucas makes me feel. I was so stupid, Riley! I let him touch me again, and I felt disgusted with myself because I didn't know why I'd let him do that. Josh and I didn't talk to each other since that night, we didn't meet and neither of them tried to get in touch, and I felt relieved that he wasn't around.

"Things with Lucas were much better. It felt like the first days after we turned a couple, all those same sensations were there. I found myself eager to be with him, in his arms, to enjoy each moment with him. But there was still Josh and it was time to call whatever we had quit because I knew what I wanted. So I texted him asking if we could meet at his place and I know he knew why so he tried so hard to put things off, he tried to change my mind. But not, that twelve-year-old Maya Hart would completely fall for it since he was her dream, but this Maya Hart knows very well that this idea of 'Josh and Maya forever' it's in the past, and that the only guy she really wants to be with came from the South. He came from a state known to from outside people by the lonely star, bulls, farms, rodeos, and cowboys." Maya felt the new tears roll down her face, a feature she hated and had acquired over the years, tears that insisted on showing up when she was being honest with herself, when she was opening herself up to someone; when she was being vulnerable something that even now she still hates it "She wants that guy who cares, who is always there for her, that guy who always wants to do the right things even though in a few hours she wanted to strangle him for it. Riley, I want that guy with all his faults and virtues. I've been so stupid, Riley! I'm so sorry."

"So you're telling me you liked Josh's attention? Did you like the attention he gave you, and that's what made you got that close with him?

"I think so."

"Do you think so?"

"If I really like him, should I miss being with him, shouldn't I?"

"Do you miss being with Josh?"

Thank you for coming here!

I'm sorry for disappearing, I just got a few slaps in my face the last few days and I'm trying to move on.

Be nice!

Have a great weekend!

See ya around...