Chapter 39:

Chapters going to become a little more intense in certain aspects in upcoming chapters.

Feel free to R&R. Positive vibes all around!

Larten stopped stirring.

Erin leaned over to inspect the dough.

"Little more."

Larten exhaled through his nose. He'd been stirring for what felt like an eternity, but it still was not just right as Erin wanted it. She was a very specific cook, down to the most minute details. Larten secretly approved since he firmly believed that everyone should know how to cook, but he was ready to move on to the next step.

"And don't break my- "

Larten held up a broken wooden spoon.

Brigid's laughter filled the entire kitchen.

Grabbing her broken spoon, Erin sighed in half-hearted frustration.

Larten's lips were in a thin line.

"I apolo- "

"It's fine. Okay, now ball up the dough and place them on the wax paper, please. Brigid, is the bread done?"

Brigid nudged Larten to peer into the oven. Larten was not particularly happy about being nudged here and there. He always seemed to be in someone's way and it was starting to annoy him. Three people in the kitchen and yet everyone seemed to be on top of each other.

"Almost. They need to rise more."

Brigid stood and peered over Larten's elbow.

"Space them a little more or they'll mix together."

Larten went to snap at her, but stopped when her eyes were obviously sincere.

"How far then?" He said tightly.

"Like this." Brigid spaced them. "You were close, but this recipe really makes them spread out. You're good at cooking, Larten. Erin, we'll have to make him cook the turkey. I think he's been holding out on us."

Brigid laughed causing Larten to smirk.

"I do indeed know how to cook. I suppose I should show you both how it is properly done."

"Excuse me?" Erin raised her eyebrows at him.

"You will see." He grinned with pride.

"Hmm, we'll see about that. You'll have to prove yourself." Erin said slyly.

Larten nodded his head at her returning the sly look.

"Indeed, I will."

The trio found themselves in the living room, a classic Christmas movie running in the background. Drinking hot cocoa and tea, snacking on the portion of cookies Erin had set aside for them. The rest were for Brigid's classmates and the two loaves of sweet bread for her best friend's family, Ellie. Everyone looked forward to the Christmas confectionaries they baked. There would be many more hours spent in the kitchen as the days grew closer and closer to Christmas.

"When can we add some peppermint schnapps?" Brigid asked, eating another cookie, sitting cross-legged on the floor.

"Christmas dinner."

"No, come on," Brigid said with a mouthful, "We do peppermint schnapps in hot cocoa all the time! You barely put any in mine anyway."

"Fine. Saturday night then."

"Sweet. Christmas break is so close. Uuuugh, I'm dying!"

Larten sat silently, carefully sipping his tea. He was trying to keep a neutral look on his face. The movie played in front of him, but he was somewhere else. He had enjoyed cooking with Erin and Brigid. He had enjoyed the simplicity, the warm smells, the closeness. He felt part of a real family deep down. He could have had that with Alicia and Gavnur. He could have continued his mate ship with Arra. But life was a funny thing and returning to the Cirque was the best decision he could have made considering the circumstances. It had been home before and then home after when he could no longer take being a part of the clan anymore. At times, he felt aimless in his travels, but the thrill of performing kept him going and, again, the simplicity of the life, the connection with the people of the Cirque and his close friendship with Hibernius. He wasn't alone when he was with them, although, he couldn't honestly say that he was not lonely at times. Since being with Erin and Brigid he hadn't felt lonely and realizing this more and more caused him to feel conflicted. He wanted to grow closer to Erin. He wanted this not to end, but he knew it would, and he prayed desperately to the vampire gods that it would not end in their bloodshed.

He knew instinctively that Erin was just as aware of the ultimate outcome that would happen one way or another.

His vampire instincts, logic, and training told him to pull back, to leave, and to watch over them from afar. But the portion of his personality that did reside in his heart and deepest parts of his subconscious could not leave and had already decided for him that he would stay exactly as he had promised, and he would surrender himself to feeling as part of a family. And if he and Erin happened, then it would happen, and so be it.

A sneaky thought surfaced to his brain quickly.

"Let it happen, please."

"You okay, Larten?" Brigid asked looking at him, scrawling numbers over and over in a close-by notebook.

His brow furrowed as he watched her write until she stopped abruptly and looked at him, slowly closing the notebook, setting it aside. He couldn't decipher the look in her eyes.

He turned to look at Erin.

She was chewing on her fingertips, eyes faraway and glazed.

The room was thick with silence.

Larten felt flustered and knew he would have to be the one to bring it back to the comfort of before.

"It's okay, Larten. You were just thinking. And no, I didn't see anything, it was just obvious." Erin looked at him giving a small smile.

Larten could tell she was lying about seeing something, but he did not press her.

Larten cleared his throat, setting down his tea cup. He turned to Brigid.

"Would you mind passing me another cookie? It seems your sister has lost interest in her delectable creations."

Erin gave Larten a look while Brigid started laughing.

"Don't go there, Larten!"

"What? Go where?" He asked sincerely confused.

Erin rolled her eyes and gave a short laugh.

"Larten, you and Brigid can eat as many cookies as you want, but I cannot do so anymore. I have to watch keep tabs on my figure, so no more cookies for me."

Brigid popped another cookie into her mouth, shaking her head at Larten.

"Bit of advice on women, Larten; you never mention or ask a woman's weight."

"Exactly. Not everyone gets to stay model thin naturally." Erin snapped, sticking her tongue out at Brigid.

"I see nothing wrong with your figure." Larten said, confused.

He immediately blushed when he saw her blush. He glanced down and picked at his cuffs.

"Well, I will just put the cookies on the counter, and uh, get ready for bed."

Brigid couldn't stop a snort escaping as she gathered the plates and ran as fast as she could upstairs. Even upstairs in her room with the door closed, both Erin and Larten could hear her breakdown into laughter.

They made eye contact with each other before looking down once more.

Erin inhaled and exhaled quietly, squaring her shoulders, preparing to look Larten in the face without blushing.

"Would you like more tea?"

Larten had composed himself as well.

He looked her full in the face.

"Yes, please. That would be very nice."

Erin nodded and picked up his cup and her own. She returned quickly and took a sip of the scalding tea.

Larten did the same, picked at his cuffs, and stared down at his hands as he cleared his throat one more.

"Please forgive me if I said anything to offend you. I only meant- "

"It's fine, Larten. I will accept it as a compliment and a sincere one at that." Erin blushed ever so slightly again, looking at him, catching his eye and smiling.

"You have a good figure as well." She finished rather lamely.

Larten bowed his head.

"Thank you."

"Okay, well, now that's out of the way." Erin said standing up, tugging at her long-sleeved purple shirt over her dark denim jeans.

Larten watched her walk over to the bookcase. She truly did have an attractive figure. He had unwittingly noticed so from the very beginning, especially in his dreams. He wanted to be closer to her in so many aspects. He wanted…he wanted so many things.

"Hmm. Do you want to continue in The Brothers Karamazov, Dr. Zhivago, Winter of our Discontent, finish The Heart is a Lonely Hunter, or do poetry as a break?"

"Let us finish The Heart is a Lonely Hunter. I know we are near the climatic event and I must know what happens."

Erin grabbed it and moved towards the couch. Larten leaned back against the arm rest so that she could lay against his chest, both their legs stretched out, entwined. Larten immediately started playing with a lock of her hair. It had become quite the habit for him. And he knew Erin enjoyed it just as much. She would always shiver slightly, goosebumps along the back of her neck. He felt quite proud that he could illicit such a reaction from her. Gripping her head, fingers through her wavy auburn hair, holding her head in place as he kissed her, oh! to experience that someday and relish in her reaction.

"Hey, pay attention!" Erin nudged him against his breast bone, turning her head back to smile at him.

He looked down at her, a small upturn at the corners of his mouth.

"I am paying attention. Please, continue."

Erin shifted her body, Larten shifting to accommodate her.

"Okay, here we go. 'Then suddenly he felt a quickening in him. His heart turned and he leaned his back against the counter for support. For in a swift radiance of illumination he saw a glimpse of the human struggle and of valor. Of the endless fluid passage of humanity through endless time. And of those who labor and of those who –one word-love. His soul expanded. But for a moment only. For in him he felt a warning, a shaft of terror. Between the two worlds he was suspended…. And when at last he was inside again he composed himself soberly to await the morning sun.' The end."

Erin and Larten were silent. Erin knew the entire story had struck Larten somewhere inside. They had had discussions before concerning points in the story and the characters, but now, at the end, it was Larten to ponder on his own.

"I know how you feel. It's a very…striking ending. The pithy realization of the human, and vampire, condition, I would say." Erin said gently.

"Yes," he said softly, pain evident in his eyes, "Yes, it feels very…personal."

Erin shifted herself to sit up and look at him. He was scratching his scar, thinking.

"Hey," Erin said gently, placing her fingertips lightly against his face turning it towards hers.

He looked down into her eyes. Those warm, dark chocolate eyes utterly mesmerizing.

He brought his hand up and linked his fingers with hers bringing them to his lips to kiss.

He looked at their hands entwined, rubbing a thumb against the palm of her hand. She slowly brought their hands to her lips and kissed his knuckles.

She looked at their hands and then into his eyes. They were strong but there was gentleness peeking through.

"How about a poem now?" She asked.

"Yes, I would like that. I very much enjoy this, ah, time we spend together." He stated.

Erin got off the couch, looking over her shoulder.

"Me, too." She smiled.