Trigger warning: Suicide

At the beginning of this chapter, we take a look at a character attempting suicide. This is not to glorify suicide but to start a conversation about mental health. Suicide is a very serious issue and should not be taken lightly. If you or anybody in your life is suicidal and contemplating hurting themselves, please seek help. As somebody who deals with chronic depression, I know that taking the first step toward getting help is definitely the hardest but trust me, it's one of the best things you'll ever do. Even just talking to somebody and venting how you're feeling to a sympathetic friend or family member. If you have nobody to talk to (I've been there) feel free to take advantage of the following resources (remove the spaces):
ibpf resource /list-international-suicide-hotlines - List of Suicide Hotlines for various countries
www. 7cups

Stay safe and take care of yourselves. :) I promise you that there are people who care about you even if your mind tells you otherwise.

Now... on with the story! Enjoy y'all! :)

Just do it.
A hot tear slid down down Ana's cheek as she struggled to find the courage. The chilling early autumn wind made her shiver, seeping through the fabric of her tunic and worn trousers. Her fingers felt numb as she held the pillar behind her. Everything she had been through, the shame and the loss, it ate at her. She thought she could do it; She thought she could rise above it all and heal her soul through prayer but seeing Rory again, even if only in a dream, broke her.
She opens her eyes, the threat of another round of tears stinging her eyes. She glances down, ignoring the rogue strands of hair floating across her face as another gust of wind blows past. The light had begun to rise, painting the sky a combination of light blue,purple and pink with a little bit of yellow. She chokes back a sob as she looks at the horizon, both marveling at the beauty of it before regret and doubt begins to tug at the back of her mind. Flashes of her final morning with Roderick play in her mind and she flinches. It was too much. Even now, she could still feel the warm of his body pressed against her, the taste of his lips as he kissed her.
She looks away. What she wouldn't give to live that moment over and over. She chokes back a sob.
With the brightening of the sky, a bird chirps and her eyes fall to the valley below her. Just a few steps. She says to herself. A few steps and it's over.
"Ana!"
She flinches as her head snaps in the direction of the voice. Her fingers dig into the pillar. "Stay back, Nate!" She calls, shaking. "This doesn't concern you."
Hawke holds his hand out as though she's a feral animal. He takes a step forward. "Ana, don't do it." He frowns. The breeze makes his hair fall over part of his face but he doesn't budge. "Please."
The tears she had been holding back break free and blur her vision as they stream down her cheeks. She shakes her head. "I have to."
"No, you don't." He says gently. He takes another tentative step forward. "Come with me. We can talk about this."
She shakes her head once more. "No we can't." She sniffs. "I'm sorry, Nate."
Hawke's eyes widen as she pushes away from the pillar. The moment her feet leave the cliff, Nate starts booking it toward her. "Ana!" Energy springs from his hand and he dives toward the edge of the ruins precariously hanging off the cliff. His hand outstretched, he lets out a sigh of relief as Ana lies back on an almost invisible net of energy, almost paralyzed with fear. Looking over the edge at her he frowns as he stretches out his other hand toward her. "I think we need to talk."

Ana silently follows Nate back to his camp on the outskirts of the royal encampment. She pauses near their fire pit and looks warily at the tent adjacent to Nate's.
"Don't worry." Nate says, motioning for her to sit on one of the logs around the pit. "It's just us. Carver volunteered to help the soldiers with morning patrols. He won't be back for a couple hours."
As Ana takes a seat, she watches as he walks over to a small pile of wood stacked up between the two tents. As he turns, he sets the wood aside and kneels before the pit. The gentle but chilling breeze blows through and Ana shivers, hugging herself in attempt to - unsuccessfully- shield herself from the cold.
Once a small fire is crackling away, Nate rises. He walks over toward his tent and lifting up one of the flaps before glancing back at her. "Give me a moment to grab something. Stay here."
Ana's cheeks burn with her previous memory as she nods. He disappears into his tent and returns moments later with a worn woolen cloak slung over his arm. He holds it out to her.
She shakes her head. "I'm fine."
"Put it on. I can see you shivering."
She sighs and takes it from him with a muttered thanks. Wrapping it around herself, she feels another well of tears threaten to fall as she's unable to meet his gaze. He sits nearby, his gaze trained on her but says nothing for a long time. When she makes no effort to speak, he clears his throat. "Ana, I know you're in pain…"
She shakes her head. "You don't understand. Nobody does." She whispers with a sniff.
He frowns. "Ana…." He stops, exhaling as he tries to think of how to word what he wants to say. "I just wanted to tell you I'm sorry."
Her brows furrow as she risks a glance at him. "What?" Her eyes search his. "What are you talking about?"
"Ever since that night when those men attacked, I have regretted leaving you alone."
She looks away, the memory painful. She can almost feel the men probing and groping her still. Even now, their touch burned her skin like a brand. "I told you before…. That wasn't your fault."
Nate shakes his head. "No. It is." He frowns. "I never should have had you leave my tent that night."
She glances up at him, her eyes widening."What?"
"I mean, I should have just allowed you to sleep in my tent. While misdirected, it was obvious that you just didn't want to be alone. You came to me while vulnerable because you trusted me and I betrayed that trust. I thought I was being honorable…"
"Stop." She frowns. "Nate, it was never your fault. Nothing bad that has happened to me has been your fault. You've been one of the single things to happen to me that has made everything I've been through a little bit more tolerable." As she says this, her face reddens.
"Ana…" He reaches out to touch her hand between them and she shies away.
"Sorry. It's still difficult." She mutters.
He shakes his head. "No need to apologize." He watches her for a long moment as the one question he had burned at the forefront of his mind. He clears his throat and immediately regrets it as she flinches.
"I should get back…" She mutters, rising from her seat. She turns from him and before he can catch himself, he blurts it out.
"Why did you jump?"
She stops in her tracks. As tears begin to form, she closes her eyes, thankful that she's not facing him. A long silence passes between them. Nate lets out a sigh as he rubs his neck subconsciously.
"Ana, I'm sorry. If you don't feel comfortable-"
"It's too much." She mutters, choking back a sob. "The pain, the loneliness, the what-ifs… it hurts to be alive; To go on without everyone I loved and cared for. I-"
She breaks into a sob as her knees give way. In two steps, Nate catches her and sinks to the ground beside the fire. She turns, flinging her arms around him, clinging to him tightly as though she were drowning and he was the only thing keeping her afloat. She buries her face in his chest as sobs wrack her body. Nate rests his head in her own, remaining motionless for fear of giving her a reason to pull away.
He holds her for a quite a while until her breathing begins to slow and her sobs become less frequent. With a shuddered breath, she pulls away from him, her cheeks burning as she uses her sleeve to wipe her eyes. "I'm sorry," She mutters.
Nate's gaze stays trained on her. "It's alright. I know things have been difficult lately. Losing people you love is something that takes time to heal from."
He watches as she nods and looks down at her hands. With a small sigh, she wipes her eyes. "Can I tell you something?" She sniffs.
"Of course."
"Do you remember after Ser Gilmore's died…you came to see me and I was hardly able to keep anything down?"
Hawke nods, despite Ana not seeing it. "Yeah. You were grieving and I had given you potions to help ease your stomach. I'm glad to see you recover." He sees her lower lip tremble slightly. "Why?"
She turns, the tears making her bloodshot eyes glow more than usual in the early morning light. "I thought I was just ill but I was actually with child...Rory's child." As she says this, her eyes brim with tears. "During my Joining I...I lost my child. I lost the very last piece of Rory I had left."
Hawke's eyes widen. "Maker's breath." He breathes. "Ana, I'm so sorry."
She places a hand over her mouth as tears break free and slide down her cheeks. It takes her a moment before she speaks once more. "Ever since I found out, I've been plagued by what-ifs. If Rory had lived, would we have left Ostagar? Would our child have had his red hair or his pale green eyes? Would they be a blend of us both?"
She leans into his embrace once more, her hand gripping the fabric of his shirt. His arms reluctantly encircle her as he gently strokes the back of her hair.
Once Ana pulls away, drained, she wipes her eyes once more as a dull ache begins to form at her temples. She sniffs and exhales.
"I should probably get you back to your tent." Nate says after a while. "I imagine Duncan wouldn't be thrilled if he found out that you were out alone."
Sniffing, Ana shrugs as Hawke rises and offers his hand. She hesitantly takes it and dusts herself off. "No he wouldn't. It's bad enough that he's forcing Alistair and I to spend time together."
"Oh?" Nate smirks. "That can't be too bad. He seems like a good enough lad."
She shoots him a look but says nothing further about it as they begin walking back to the main encampment.
As they approached the Warden dormitory tent, Ana slows. She bites her lip as a sleepy Warden exits the tent, oblivious to the presence of the younger Warden and her companion. They yawn, stretching and rolling their shoulders before setting off to begin the day. Once gone, Nate turns to face Ana, his expression tinged with a rueful smile. "Here we are." He sighs, motioning toward the flap that was still moving from the recent disturbance. "Perhaps you can get a little bit of sleep before your Warden duties begin for the day."
Ana nods and begins toward the flap and stops. She turns to him. "Thank you again for all your help." She says, feeling the heat begin to rise to her cheeks as she keeps her eyes down. "Also, I would appreciate if we could keep what happened between the two of us." She frowns. "If word got out to Fergus… I don't think I could live with myself." She risks raising her eyes to meet his. "He's also lost a lot recently."
"Your secret is safe with me, My Lady." He smiles. Ana turns from him. "Ana."
She turns and raises a brow.
"Before you go, I need you to do something for me."
Her brows furrow. "Okay?"
"While I know things are difficult right now, I want you to promise me that you won't do that ever again." He frowns. "I also want you to promise to come to me when things get tough so I can try to help you. Can you do that for me?"
Tucking some hair behind her ear, Ana nods. "I promise."
As Hawke leaves her, Ana returns to her bedroll beside Alistair. She hugs her knees to her chest as she looks out at the other sleeping bodies strewn about the tent. She bites her lip as Alistair, whose head is buried beneath his blanket,emits a soft snore beside her. Pulling Hawke's cloak around her, she touches the ring on her finger and thinks about her lost love.

"Ana."
Ana blinks awake, her brows furrowing as Alistair's face comes into focus as he leans over her. She springs up, looking around them to find the tent devoid of the other wardens. She frowns, unable to recall when she had fallen asleep. Alistair clears his throat which gets her attention.
"Sorry. I would have touched your shoulder or something but…" He trails off with a shrug. "Are you hungry?"
Ana looks down at the worn blanket across her lap. The fatigue of the early morning events setting in. "Not really." She lies, despite her hunger twisting her stomach.
"Well, I'm heading to the mess tent. Perhaps you'll change your mind."
She glares at him. "I'm not hungry."
He rolls his eyes with a sigh. "Well, I am and Duncan says that we have to stick together."
Ana purses her lips. "I doubt it'd kill you to skip one meal."
"No, but it'd apparently kill you to cooperate and be nice for once." He shoots back. "Come on. You don't have to eat if you don't want to but I would still like to get something to eat before I start my day."
Ana rolls her eyes but stands up, fixing her long shirt and pulling Hawke's cloak close around her before following her brother-warden. They crossed the courtyard in silence until Alistair clears his throat. "I didn't want to mention it but I'm surprised that your mabari isn't with you. Is he all right?" He asks, his gaze shifting to look at her. He frowns as he watches her; she keeps her eyes trained on the ground with her arms wrapped around her. Are you cold?"
"I'm fine." She mutters. "After our last encounter, Much was injured. Thanks to Hawke, he's being treated by the hound master."
"I'm sorry to hear that." The lad says. "I hope he makes a swift recovery."
A familiar voice sounds from nearby and Ana freezes in place, glancing about frantically for the source. It takes a moment for Alistair, who had continued walking, to take notice and slow to a stop. "What?" He asks, looking around. "What's wro- oh no."
His eyes fall on the subject of Ana's stare.
"It's him. One of the men who…" she whispers, her eyes never leaving the man locked inside a big metal cage.
Alistair gaze swings back to Ana, his lips turned downward into a frown. "I know. I recognize him from that night. We'll just need to tell Duncan - Ana, where are you going?!"
He tries to reach out for her but she walks with a determined strides toward man with Alistair quick on her heels. She stops a few feet away as Roy is mid-shout about the guard's lack of care.
"Ana, this isn't a good idea…" Alistair hisses, his eyes moving to Roy as though he were a feral animal in the wild..
Ana ignores him, her jaw clenched as she stares down one of her assailants. Roy notices her and smirks as she involuntarily flinches when he leans forward. "Come back for seconds then?" He sneers. Ana feels tears prick the back of her eyes but holds them at bay. This bastard doesn't deserve the satisfaction of seeing her pain that she still endures.
"I remember you." She says.
"Good." He smirks. "I make no apologies. In fact,it's a shame you never got to try out my cock. I'm sure you would have loved it, Princess. Unfortunately, Daniel can be a bit greedy."
"You bastard!" Alistair growls, stepping forward but Ana puts her arm out to stop him. Roy turns his attention to the other Warden.
"How are you feeling after your last beating, Alistair? You'd think that that pathetic attempt you made would be a good enough reason to avoid trying to play the hero."
The guard, fed up with his charge's mouth hits the side of the cage with his gauntleted hand. "That's enough." He says, directing it at both parties. He looks at Ana. "Run along, lass. It's best not to feed into him."
"Yeah, I prefer watching her struggle. It was far more fun."
Fear gripped at her as flashes of that night flashed through her mind. Her lip trembles.
"You know who I am." She says, her voice surprisingly steady. "How? Why are you targeting me?"
"Lass…" The guard warns as Roy lets out a cruel laugh that makes her flinch.
"You mean, after all this time, you still haven't figured it out?" He sneers. "My, you really are a beautiful little idiot, aren't you?"
In her anger, she grabs the cup from the guard's nearby breakfast and flings it at Roy. The cup hits the side of the cage with a clang before falling into the pile of dried grass, leaves and sticks that had accumulated beneath the row of cages. The contents of the cup hits Roy in the face and wets his simple shirt and trousers making him give a shout of annoyance. Grabbing the bars in front of him, he bares his teeth as he leans forward.
"You little cunt!" He roars. "I really wish Daniel would have succeeded so I could have had a chance to destroy that little uptight cunt of yours as I fucked you bloody!"
Ana began to shake. With an anguished shout, she pushes over the nearby brazier, spilling the contents to the ground. The guard emits a surprised shout of his own as he pushes her away. She stumbles back, watching as he tries to put out the fire that lit the pile of dried grass, twigs and leaves gathered under Roy's cage. The early morning breeze egged it on, allowing it to burn and catch the vines that had begun to climb up to the cage itself. Ana watches as Roy's angry shouts quickly turns to panic as the contents spilled on his clothes catch fire, setting him ablaze. The guard frantically tries to find the key to the cage, his hands fumbling so much that he drops them twice with a flustered curse.
By the time the guard finally gets the keys out, others who heard Roy's screams rushed over to help douse the flames and Roy's screams came to a sudden halt. The sickening sweet smell of burned flesh filled the area making Ana's stomach churn. Alistair offers to help her up but she ignores him and stands in place, staring stone-faced at the now half-charred corpse of her tormentor.
Ignoring the suspicious stares and whispers following them, Alistair leads Ana away, continuing toward the mess tent.
"That bastard!" Alistair fumes once they're far enough out of earshot of the crowd of onlookers. He stops and swivels around to face a solemn looking Ana, his expression softening. "Are you all right?"
She shrugs. "I'm fine." She says.
He looks at her as though she's lost it. "Fine? You just killed a man!" He hisses. He notices a few curious glances from a soldiers nearby waiting for food. He lowers his voice. "The man was a terrible person but a man nonetheless."
She shrugs once more. Fine might not have been accurate but she wasn't entirely sure how she felt. She felt numb- no joy, no relief, no guilt; Nothing. Nothing was changed.

Shortly after the incident, Duncan's guard arrives in his tent. Looking up from his reports, he raises a brow.
The guard bows. "Forgive the interruption, Warden-Commander. There's a soldier here who wishes to report a crime that has been committed recently."
Duncan sighs. "Very well. Send him in."
Within moments, the man enters carrying his helmet in under his arm. His face is drained of color and looks as though he's about to pass out. Duncan rises from his seat and offers the lad one of the nearby benches which is quickly accepts. "What is this crime you wish to report?" Duncan asks as he casually pours himself and the lad a cup of wine. He hands it over which the man takes eagerly. Duncan watches him as he practically drains his glass in one go before setting it down. He takes a breath before meeting Duncan's gaze.
"One of your Wardens burned one of your other men alive while he was locked in a cage."
"What do you mean?" Duncan's brows knit together. "I issued no such punishment for one of my Wardens recently." Duncan replies. "What was this man's crime? Who sentenced him to sit in the cage?"
The lad's face reddens. "General Loghain Mac Tir, Sir. The man had assaulted a soldier of the royal army and had been awaiting his punishment."
"I see." He nods. Watching the lad, he runs a hand over his short, dark hair with a sigh. "Did you get a good look at the person who killed this man?"
The guard nods. "Aye. It was a younger woman with short, dark hair and bright blue eyes."
At this description, Duncan freezes. "This woman… was there a young man with dirty blond hair with her? Possibly a light brown mabari hound?"
The guard thinks for a moment. "Aye. There was a man but no hound."
Duncan curses under his breath. His eyes bore into the man's as he leans toward him across the table. "I'm going to need you to tell me everything you know leading up to the incident."