Chapter 2

Scarlett lay on her bed quietly listening to the creaking stairs as Mammy ponderously shifted her massive form down the steps. She heard a soft knock on the door. Scarlett opened the door and saw the timid yet determined face of Suellen. "Suellen, you weren't listening outside the door-" cried Scarlett, detecting the look of guilt spreading on her sister's face at her accusation.

"Oh I don't care what you think. I feel hurt that you wanted Mammy and not me.. Why I would have listened to you, Scarlett-"

"And blabbed all over the County!"

"Oh no I couldn't!" shot back Suellen. Her face flushed red with the embarrassing yet honest assertion. "I promise I won't tattle.. Especially after Bonnie and Melanie's passing... Oh Scarlett, how could I ever be silly with you again? So many things have happened. I have been wanting to talk to you but I just didn't know how..And Rhett..he hardly recognised Will during Bonnie's service. He looked as if he wasn't really there. Did you know I've been praying for you every night and I even made a small embroidered pillow out of Bonnie's old frock she left here."

Scarlett's face softened lightly and Suellen took a step forward. Scarlett reluctantly let her sit on the bed. "How much did you hear?" pursued Scarlett, half crossly.

"I heard you sobbing. I think everyone, even Susie, heard it. And I came upstairs and I heard you were crying over Rhett. "

Seeing the consternation spreading on Scarlett's face, Suellen quickly entreated, "Scarlett, don't get angry. You don't know what I am going to say-"

"If you've come to gloat over me and strut around satisfied that you are so much better off with your happy little family- I...I don't need your pity-"

"Scarlett, I was relieved that even you felt these things. I mean, you have always been so strong. Oh darling, I was always so envious of you because you were so self assured.. But now I see that you have troubles too.."

"Troubles!" Scarlett huffed at her sister in scorn. A look of malice lighted her green eyes. "Aren't you still angry with me over Frank?!"

"Well, when I wrote you that letter years ago, I was furious. But after everything that's happened- After I married Will, so many things happened and I finally see how selfish I have been- I think I have quite forgiven you for taking Frank away.."

"What do you mean?" asked Scarlett, surprised by the tone of retreat in Suellen's voice.

"You remember when Careen and I finally recovered from our illness after the war was over and Sherman's army came marching into Georgia? I felt as though I had woken up from a nightmare into another nightmare. Only this one was much worse. Mother was dead and Pa was out of his wits. And you were full of ideas on getting Tara up and running. You had that strange glint in your eyes that was so frightening, Scarlett. And I needed time to get all this in. But there was no time and we were so poor and starving. And all I could think of was the old days and how fine everything was- I wanted good food and dresses, a fine carriage to travel and visit friends. And I guess I was blinded by fright.. not the fright that comes quick and hard.. but the slow, looming fear.. as if something is approaching and planning to engulf you and you can't do anything about it-"

Scarlett looked extremely guarded as she remembered her dream of running through the mist. She nodded her head once. "Yes?"

"I was so blinded that I thought I was doing the right thing, dragging Pa along Tara ans showing him Mother's grave and making him come to terms with her death. I.. I thought if he would only sign the papers and we could get the money that we desperately needed then everything would be allright. I never thought Pa would die." Suellen stopped as her voice broke. But she continued. "And everyone blamed me, I know. But Will was so kind. Scarlett, he has eyes that can see past your fears and right into your soul. He knows things, I don't know how. And Will is so very kind. He made me see that I had done what I did for my own selfish needs. Of course I didn't quite accept it at first. But over time, I understood. And now every time I get overwhelmed I try to calm myself and not think of money and things. And I love Tara-"

"I thought you said you hated Tara?!"

"Oh no! I don't know what I was thinking. I'm not like you Scarlett. Atlanta doesn't interest me and I am not as clever as you are. All I want is a peaceful, respectable home and the view of the curling red sands of cotton fields whenever I look out the window. There is something calming and wonderful about Tara. Something like home and safety."

"Oh Sue!" Scarlett came closer and Suellen hugged her. "It's so nice to hear you say these things. I never thought you would.. you were so spoiled.."

"I am not anymore. At least not after having two children..! But I owe it to Will Benteen. Scarlett, he is perfect for me. Wasn't it marvellous that he knew just how to restore Tara? Even if it isn't the huge plantation it was before, he made it into a fine farm and the front gardens and the lawns- they look so fine, don't they? I find I can respect him very much indeed.. with Frank, I don't think I would have. Frank was never actually interested in Tara. And Tara has been everything I've ever known."

"You haven't really told all this to Will, have you?"

"Oh yes, he knows."

Scarlett looked baffled and half-ashamed. "Didn't he laugh at you? What did he say?"

"Laugh at me? Why ever for?"

"Never mind. What did he say?"

"He didn't say anything. I learnt not to use him selfishly just for comforting myself. And I gave him respect and he loves me. Now we share our duties around Tara and the place is doing very well!"

Why do you think its selfish, Sue? Isn't that what love is? If a man loves you, he's supposed to be safe and comforting."

"No, that was what Mother was. I don't think anyone can replace Mother. Not even Will. And now that Mother is gone, I comfort myself when ever I get frantic over things. "

Scarlett cast her mind over how she used to drink brandy and use Ashley to comfort herself and looked genuinely puzzled. "I..I don't understand. Aren't you ashamed of all that?"

"Scarlett, we were brought up to be ladies in a different time. Back then, the worst trouble we could have gotten ourselves into was by marrying a man who came home drunk and we had to send for our servants to carry him inside and take off his boots. Mother raised us to be ladies in that world. To bear our burdens with grace and to be gentle and kind. Being kind in this new world takes so much effort! Will understands all this. Men know even lesser than us, Scarlett. They are just overgrown boys who like to showoff and they just love praise. Whenever I appreciate Will, he swells up.. you can't see it in his face but he walks taller and there's a twinkle in his eyes that only I can see-"

"Our world has changed, hasn't it?" said Scarlett. She gazed at her sister in surprise and admiration. "If only I could be half as kind to myself as you are, Sue" she thought, wisely choosing to be silent over her own heartaches. As much as she wanted to be close to Suellen, she felt highly suspicious and decided to keep her thoughts to herself.