"Just a Phone Call Away"
The hot water slapped against her skin, almost washing away her sins, or so it felt that way.
She had never felt so guilty after sleeping with someone, though she had only slept with one man before Syaoran.
Her hands slid the loofah down her body slowly, mind almost imagining his hands. When had wrong begun to feel right?
Her throat bobbed, swallowing the words that she wanted to speak out loud to the empty bathroom.
She knew that this was wrong. No matter how good it felt, it was wrong. No matter how much her body told her she was right for initiating that sinful act in his car, her mind reminded her that it was wrong. Very wrong.
She closed her eyes, feeling goosebumps glide down her body when an image of Syaoran's steady hands flashed across her mind; the way his lips—his tongue— had felt against her skin. Her skin tingled, which only caused her to scrub her skin harder, hoping that the feeling would disappear.
Quickly, she washed her body, and jumped out of the shower before she could let her thoughts wander any further than that.
She dried off, and then dressed for work. She then rushed to the mirror to apply a little make-up to her face until she noticed the little purple mark on her neck.
Looking at herself in the mirror, she could hardly recognize the woman staring back at her. Her face was flushed, eyes heavy with arousal.
She applied foundation to the marks on her neck, blending it in with the rest of her skin.
She had only thought about Syaoran and the car incident for one second and she was already ready to run back for more. She refused to be the first to cave in again. Besides, it was only Monday, the beginning of a new week.
She wished that she could say that it was refreshing, but how could she when all she could think about was her behavior lately?
First, she ran after a patient who expressed how much he did not want to see her anymore. And then, she purposely hurt him by using his weakness against him to make herself the stronger person in a situation.
And God-forbid she ever forgot about their first time in bed together. A night that never should have happened, yet she felt glad that it did.
She had promised herself to never do it again, so why did she do it again, she wondered. Why did she initiate the sex in the car? And why did she enjoy it probably more than he had?
There were so many questions flying through her head, yet she already had the answer to all of them. She knew why she had sex with him, why she initiated the whole car incident, and why she enjoyed it.
She almost felt proud of herself, thanks to her newfound confidence. But, no. She refused to revel in the wrong. Admitting that she liked it was bad enough. To feel proud of it was on another level of immortality.
She walked to the kitchen, fixing herself a cup of coffee. Once she finished, she sat at the table and began to drink it slowly.
Was she such a bad person to take advantage of him the other night? Well, she had not thought of it as taking advantage of him, but the text that came afterwards made her feel like it.
She did not purposely have sex with him just so he would agree to the Friday night sessions. But when she received that text, it made her wonder if the thought of him agreeing was in the back of her mind while they were having sex.
She had sex with him for her own selfish reasons, not to make him say that he would think about the Friday night group sessions.
She reminded herself of this over and over again Saturday night, trying to convince herself that she would never manipulate a person like that.
Never in her days had she ever manipulated a person like that, so why did that small voice keep trying to tell her that was the reason she did it?
She initiated the sex with him because she wanted to. She wanted to ease the tension between them before they called it a night. All they had to do was talk, she knew, but sex seemed to be the first thing she thought of.
Was it because she felt afraid that he would do something irrational again because he was angry with her? Or was it that she felt compelled to meet his needs before he decided that he had enough of not having sex?
Or maybe, the argument lit something in her body on fire to cause her to desire him so much. This was all new to her because she never did things like this.
Her phone buzzed on the kitchen table as she drank her coffee. She picked it up, reading the text.
'Morning, Saks. Are you coming in today? If so, what time?'
It was Akinari.
Would she really be able to face him and talk about the way she had been feeling lately when she was sleeping with a patient?
She replied back with, 'Can't. Maybe later this week. Have a great day :).'
She was not ready to face him yet.
Another text followed after she sent that.
'Good morning, Sakura. I hope you have a great day.'
Uncontrollably, a smile tugged on her lips at the text, and she pressed the power button off. It was Syaoran.
Though she felt guilty for her actions, she could not find it in herself to take the guilt out on him. This was her fault. She decided on her own to sleep with him this time, so she was not upset with him because she had no rights to be.
They had talked on the phone last night when he got off work late. He almost begged her to stay awake until he got off work so they could talk, so she ended up agreeing.
She had nothing else planned, and she did not usually go to sleep early, so she found no problem with it. Or maybe this was what she said to convince herself that it was alright.
Besides, they had only talked about their day. Okay, maybe he had become a little personal with her, but it was nothing over the line. Just that he missed her and could barely wait to see her Tuesday. That was it. She did not even say it back to him, so it was okay.
She ran her fingers through her hair, frustrated. Did she really sleep with Syaoran to make him agree to the group therapy, or because she feared that he would sleep with another if she did not agree to sleep with him anymore?
She knew the answer, but at the same time she did not, which nearly drove her insane. She needed to know for sure, even though that small voice in the back of her head was saying it was the former.
Even if it were those two reasons, why did she agree to have unprotected sex? That was the stupidest thing she had ever done, but she trusted him. With this, at least.
Everything else he had told her was the truth, so why would he lie about that, she had reasoned the night she got home.
She paused, thinking for a moment. Would she ever have sex with him again? She already knew the answer now.
Yes, she would. Only if he initiated it, though. She would continue to have sex with him as long as he spilled more secrets to her.
She mentally cringed, not believing that she had just concluded that.
It was the only thing that made her feel okay with their inappropriate relationship. Also, Syaoran had kind of blackmailed her into continuing their little sessions together.
He would tell the town about their little activities if she stopped seeing him, so she had no choice.
She drunk the last of her coffee and stood from the table, grabbing her phone. She walked over to a photo hanging on the wall. She caressed the face on the photo, frowning.
"You'd understand, right Eiichi?" she asked it quietly. "Of course, you would..."
She walked away from the photo, and grabbed her purse from the table.
Deep down inside, she knew she had only been sleeping with Syaoran for one reason.
A reason she refused to acknowledge.
Sakura slipped her shoes off at the front door, closing the door behind her. She was tired, but had promised Tomoyo that she would come over tonight to see some of the designs that she had come up with.
"I'm glad that you could make it!" Tomoyo exclaimed, hugging her tightly.
Sakura smiled, hugging her back. "I can't stay long. I have a patient early in the morning," she said, glancing at the clock.
It was only 8:35pm, but she wanted to get as much sleep as her body would let her tonight. She had to mentally prepare herself for Syaoran too. He would surely take a lot out of her.
"That's fine. I'm just glad that you could make it," Tomoyo said, grabbing her hand to pull her in the living room.
"Hey, Sakura-san," Eriol said distractedly, eyes paying attention to something else.
Sakura's eyes turned to the device that had Eriol's attention and saw that it was on the channel of a football game. She smiled at him. "Hey, Eriol-kun."
"His attention's been gone for the last hour or so," Tomoyo said, rolling her eyes dramatically.
Sakura giggled, following her up the stairs to her designer room.
Once they settled in Tomoyo's room, Tomoyo was already on the subject that Sakura knew she would surely bring up.
"Did you sleep with the mystery man again?" she asked, smiling widely.
Sakura's cheeks warmed, and she took a deep breath, nodding her head slightly. She could keep this from her therapist, but not Tomoyo. She just needed to get these pent-up emotions out to someone. Who better to, than her best friend that was not her therapist?
Tomoyo squealed, clapping her hands together. "How was it? Was he as good as the first time? Or better? Or worse? Did you enjoy it? Did— "
"Tomoyo," Sakura called, grabbing her shoulders. "Breathe."
Tomoyo took a deep breath, and then released it. "You're right. I'm getting way ahead of myself, aren't I?"
Sakura giggled, nodding her head. "Yes, you are. One question at a time."
"Who is it?" she asked immediately.
Sakura shook her head. "Aside from that."
Tomoyo sighed exasperatedly. "Sakura, you can't keep this from me forever."
She sighed. "I know, Tomoyo. I'm just…it's nothing serious, really. I'm just…I don't even know why I'm sleeping with him," she said, half truthfully.
"Have you talked to Akinari about it?" Tomoyo asked, sounding a little worried.
"No. And I don't want to," Sakura said immediately.
Tomoyo stood from the chair by the door, walking over to her dresser to grab a brush. "Sakura," she called, motioning to the chair in front of the mirror.
Sakura sighed, walking over to the chair to sit in it. She already knew what Tomoyo wanted.
She brushed through her hair, remaining silent.
"Just say it, Tomoyo. I already know what's coming," Sakura said, having enough of the silence her best friend had given her.
"This isn't because of him, is it? You know what Akinari's told you about this," Tomoyo said in a warning tone.
Sakura met her gaze in the mirror. "I promise that it's not because of him…I like this guy," she said, hearing the honesty in her own words for the first time in a long time.
Tomoyo stopped mid-brush, locking eyes with Sakura. "Really?"
Sakura nodded her head, smiling a little. She wanted to tell Tomoyo that she had no other choice because he was her patient, but erased the thought just as fast as it came. She did like him, so she wanted to leave it at that. She found no need to go into details about who the man was.
"He's nice, but he has a few issues of his own, so you know…I don't want to get in a relationship with anyone who has any problems they can't fix on their own," she said, almost believing herself.
"Mentally?" Tomoyo questioned, brushing her hair slowly.
"Yes," Sakura said simply, not wanting to give away any details.
Tomoyo nodded slowly, face appearing deep in thought. "So…you're sleeping with him because?"
Sakura thought about it for a moment. Her face began to grow hot at the thoughts running through her head of their time spent together, and then the second time. "It's…intense. I would even go as far to say that it's mind-blowing, toe-curling, and back-arching good sex," she said, smiling at Tomoyo.
Her best friend had always used those words to describe good sex. And Syaoran surely made her experience all those things.
"Wow. Are you sure you're not in love?" Tomoyo asked in as joking tone.
Sakura giggled, nodding her head. "I'm positive," she said truthfully. "Besides, I'm a big girl. I know the difference between liking someone and being in love."
"So…you're sleeping with him…because you…like him?" Tomoyo asked slowly.
Sakura hummed, staring at her reflection in the mirror. Did she really like Syaoran?
"Yes. Like…I like Aki," she said, smiling at her best friend.
Tomoyo gasped. "So, you're sleeping with Akinari too?" she asked disbelievingly.
Sakura's eyes widened. "No, no, no. That's not what I meant. I just meant…I like this guy."
"You're not helping me here, Sakura. What is it?"
"I like him, and he's great in bed," she concluded for her friend. She was beginning to confuse herself just as much as Tomoyo is.
"So…you're ready to try out a relationship?" Tomoyo asked nonchalantly.
"No," she said quickly.
"Then, what the heck, Sakura? You're confusing me," Tomoyo said, sighing.
"I know, I know. I'm sorry…" she said sheepishly. "I'm just so confused about all this," she added in a small voice.
A knock came to the door, interrupting their conversation.
"It's open, honey," Tomoyo called.
The door opened, revealing Eriol. "I'm hungry. I was wondering if you guys wanted me to order in Chinese?"
"That's fine with me," Sakura said.
Tomoyo nodded.
Once the door closed, Tomoyo turned back to Sakura. "Well, let's just assume that you're sleeping with him because you need some of that pent-up sexual frustration to be released," Tomoyo said, smiling at her.
Sakura's face grew hot, heart warming at her friend's explanation for her behavior. Leave it up to Tomoyo to make her feel better about herself.
"Thank you…" Sakura said sheepishly.
"Just…please, don't get hurt," Tomoyo begged.
Sakura smiled, nodding her head. "Thank you, Tomoyo-chan. I promise that I won't," she said.
"Good. Now, tell me about this amazing sex."
"Tomoyo," Sakura whined, embarrassed out of her mind.
"I'm serious! You know that I want details on everything," Tomoyo said, sitting the brush down on the dresser. She walked over to a book shelf by the door. She picked up the art book, bringing them over to Sakura.
Sakura smiled, eyes landing on the design of the front page. "Did you draw that?!" she asked excited.
Tomoyo gave her a pointed look. "I'm serious, missy. Details, details!"
Sakura sighed, already knowing there was no way out this. "The car…" she said sheepishly, face heating up.
Her best friend gasped, hands flying to her mouth. "Sakura!" Tomoyo exclaimed exasperatedly.
Sakura stood from the chair, walking away from her appearance in the mirror. "I know…I'm not proud of it, but Tomoyo, it was amazing."
"I'm not judging, Sakura. Trust me, I'm not. I wish that Eriol was that spontaneous," Tomoyo whisper yelled.
"Uh…" Sakura swallowed nervously. "I…that was me," she said shyly.
Tomoyo dropped the book, eyes locking with Sakura's. "You're lying…" When she saw the look in Sakura's eyes, she gasped. "You're lying!" she exclaimed.
Sakura buried her face in her hands, releasing an exasperated sigh. "Please…don't praise my immature behavior. That screams, 'teenager with no self-control, trying to hide from parents,' behavior."
"No, no, no, Sakura. This is good. You're living, getting better and feeling. This is what you need. Before you met this guy, you would have never done anything like this, which is good, Sakura. You were almost like a walking zombie, no offense, but seriously. Am I ever going to meet this glorious man?" Tomoyo asked, sounding more excited about her behavior, the more Sakura told her.
"Tomoyo. Do you hear yourself right now?" Sakura asked disbelievingly.
"Sakura, you're my best friend. I need to meet this man. It's not even a want anymore. Am I going to meet him?"
Sakura bit her lip nervously, almost tearing into her skin. "Maybe," she said quietly.
"I'm holding you to that, young lady. We aren't going to live forever, and you're not taking this man to the ground with you. Now, look at these outfits here and choose the five that looks the best."
Sakura sighed in relief, glad that the conversation was over.
"I like this one here."
As soon as Sakura walked through her doors, something buzzed loudly in her purse, scaring her.
She dug in her bag, grabbing her phone out and looked at it. She frowned at the text.
'I won't make it tomorrow.'
She wondered if she should text back, or ignore the text. However, her questions were answered when her cell began to ring. She picked it up, not making a single sound on the phone.
"Sakura?" Syaoran called.
"Why aren't you going to make it tomorrow?" she asked calmly, not wanting to come off as upset or needy.
She glanced at the clock to see that it was 11:03pm. She had stayed late at Tomoyo's, after all.
"The hospital's going to be busy," he said with a sigh.
"Oh," she said plainly.
"What is it?" he asked, sounding a little worried.
She smiled, heart beating fast at the concern in his voice. He had been a lot more caring lately. "It's nothing."
"I really want to…" he said in a shushed tone.
"Where are you right now?" she asked, sounding curious about his tone.
He sighed. "Hold on…" he trailed off.
Her brows scrunched together, listening to anything she could hear on the phone. She could only hear ruffling and distant voices. She sighed, taking her shoes off. She did not understand why he would call if he was so busy.
Ten minutes of hearing the same thing caused her irritation to grow, so she ended the call. Who had time to sit on a phone when they had other things to do, she reasoned.
She locked her door, and then walked to her room. She debated whether she wanted to take a bath, or just get some sleep. Closing her eyes for a moment, she realized that sleep was the last thing her body wanted, so she decided to run water.
Once the water finished, she stripped from her clothes, pulled her hair up, and then stepped in the water. The moment her muscles began to relax, she jumped at the sound of her phone ringing loudly on the stool in the quiet room. For some reason, she already knew who it was.
She reached over, grabbing the phone to answer it. "If you're still busy, I can't just sit on the phone and listen to air," she said with a hint of playfulness in her tone.
He chuckled. "I'm not." She heard a door close softly on the other end. "Oh, and I'm at the hospital, by the way."
She pulled the phone back from her ear, looking at the time before placing it near her ear again. "It's almost 11:30," she said.
He sighed. "I know, I know. I'm not even going to be able to make it home tonight. We have a lot of patients."
She pulled her knees up to her chin, face appearing deep in thought. "Is everything alright?" she asked.
"There was an accident earlier today, so I haven't had a single break all day. This is the first time I've been able to sit down all day," he said with a sigh.
"Oh…well, I'm sorry to hear that," she said sympathetically.
"It's fine. I'm in my office now. Alone."
She rolled her eyes, even though he could not see. "What is that supposed to mean?" she asked as a smile crept to her lips.
"I can get a little me time. If you know what I mean," he said with a velvety tone.
She cleared her throat, ignoring the tug in her stomach. "Well, that's good. Also, it sucks you can't make it to the session tomorrow," she said, hoping to change the subject.
He sighed. "Thanks for reminding me. You know I really want to be there…" he said, sounding a little depressed.
She giggled. "Are you sure? Or is it that you just want to see me?" she asked in a teasing tone to lighten the mood between them. She paused, briefly wondering if she was really playing along with him.
He chuckled, and she heard papers being rummaged through. "It's the same thing," he said a little distracted.
"It's not. Are you looking forward to the talking part, or the seeing me part?" she asked, smiling a little.
He was quiet for a moment, but she knew that he was still there. "Syaoran?"
"I'm still here," she heard him say distantly.
Did he have her on speaker?
"What are you doing?" she asked, lowering her voice a little.
No response came.
She frowned, checking to see if he was still on the phone. "Syaoran?"
She sighed when she received nothing on his end again. She remained silent for a few moments, waiting. Waiting for him to come back to the phone, or at least tell her goodbye.
She could admit that she did want to talk to him, especially knowing that she would not see him tomorrow. But who would stop time for them until he was no longer busy, just so they could have a conversation? Not even God himself would do that for her since she was already breaking the law.
Sakura closed her eyes, wondering what she was doing to herself at this point. She liked Syaoran, no doubts about that, but she surely was not ready for a relationship, nor was he. And even if she wanted a relationship, it would not be able to be with Syaoran. His condition, and her job came first in her life, and there was nothing that could change that.
Syaoran was too complicated for her. One minute he was up, and then the next, he would be down. Also, he made her wonder if this newfound interest he had in her was healthy.
He always missed her when they were not in each other's presence; he smothered her with attention whenever they were together; and now he had this whole possessive thing going on?
She was beginning to believe that he thought they were in some kind of relationship.
She never felt that he wanted to be with her like that. It was quite clear that he wanted to have sex with her because she was a woman. She even went as far to think that maybe the obsession he seemed to be building with her was because she made him experience that loss feeling of love.
She sighed, frustrated with her thoughts. How was she to know anything he felt when he offered so little?
Thinking this made her feel annoyed with the man on the phone. She ended the call, sitting the phone on the stool by the bathtub.
Immediately, it rung after she ended it.
She ignored it the second time it rang, but when it rung for the third time, she answered it.
"Seriously, Syaoran."
"I'm sorry. I had to find these... papers, and one of my employees came in. I promise that I'm free now," he said, almost sounding sure of himself.
She sighed, nodding her head. "Okay."
"But, I'm looking forward to them both. I love talking to you, and I certainly love seeing you," he said.
Her face warmed, heart fluttering at his response. He had really been listening to her.
"So, you're fine with talking about your...problems with me?" she asked in a small voice.
"Yes. Talking to you makes me feel normal," he said. "Haven't I told you this before?"
She shook her head, forgetting they were not in each other's presence. "No. Unless I'm forgetting something," she said, smiling.
She heard him sigh and say something she could not catch.
"What is it?" she asked. Suddenly, she felt her body growing hot. Or was it the water she had been sitting in for a while now?
"I'm horny," he said with a sigh, confirming what she suspected she heard.
She swallowed as her face grew hot as well. She wondered what she could ask him besides why, because he would just go into details about his dirty mind.
She tried to explain how he only wanted to have sex whenever he wanted to feel better. It all made sense now.
In every session they had, he only tried to make advances on her when she brought up a topic that he felt sensitive about. All the questions she had asked him connected to the way he felt, which led up to his actions. Also, he had told her himself that he loved having sex because it made him feel...safe?
Why would he not feel safe, though? Did his mother do something that made him feel unsafe?
And then he told her that his mother would give him...a gift that he would forever remember on his birthday?
She wondered what that was all about. Was it a form of physical punishment? Emotional punishment? Mental punishment?
She sighed, running her hand down her face, frustrated. She could never understand why he mentioned something, but refused to give details about it.
"Sakura?"
She looked up, hearing her name, and then remembered they were still on the phone.
"What is it?" she asked quietly.
She wanted to scream at him and demand answers, but she knew that no such thing could be done.
He was still her patient.
"I said I'm horny," he repeated.
"I heard you," she said in a tight tone.
"What's wrong?"
You won't tell me anything!
"Nothing."
"Tell me. Maybe I could make it better," he said softly.
She wanted to yell at him right then and there.
"It's nothing you can help with," she said.
"Try me," he said testily.
She sighed, sitting up from her slouching position in the water to get in a more comfortable sitting position. "N—"
"Is that water I'm hearing?" he asked in a husky voice.
She blushed, feeling her entire body shiver at the tone. "That is none of your business," she said softly.
"God, Sakura, you can't do this to me," he said with a groan.
She felt a little offended that he was implying that she was doing something to him, while he was the infuriating one who barely gave her anything to work with.
"And you can't do this to me," she said haughtily.
"What?" He sounded confused.
"Tell me something and then leave out all the necessary details," she said.
"Sakura, what are you talking about?" he asked, still sounding confused.
"Why are you horny, Syaoran? Don't tell me it's because you're thinking about me. What were you thinking about before you called me? Before your body decided to become all hot and horny because you were 'thinking' about me. What's been on your mind all day? For the last hour or two? Who were you thinking about, aside from me, and what were you thinking about?" she asked in one breath.
She was so tired of being patient with him. She always had the patience to tolerate everyone's behavior. It was different with him, though.
Why could she never display the actions of an impatient person like everyone else does? Why did she always have to be the one to hold her tongue with people who had no cares in the world for her health?
She knew all of this came along with being a psychologist, but Syaoran made her feel different about all of this. He made her feel different. He made her feel like a normal person, rather than a psychologist.
Since he made her feel this way, did she not have a right to treat him and his cruel behavior as a normal person would?
Yes.
"Sakura, I—"
"No! I don't want to hear anything you have to say unless you're answering those questions," she said, eyes closed tightly. She could hear and feel her heart thundering in her chest under the water.
He was silent on the phone, making her wonder if she had been out of line.
Of course, I'm out of line.
"It's been a long day..." he said quietly.
She took a deep, silent breath, hoping to get her heart and breathing under control. She still said nothing.
"I haven't had time to think about anything but these patients here..." he stopped before continuing, "When you came to mind, I remembered tomorrow...the session."
She waited for more, but it did not seem like he would continue. "Sy—"
"And the things you would make me talk about. Force me to talk about. Everything from childhood me to fucked up me. I don't want to do that anymore. I don't want to feel the way you've made me feel during those sessions anymore. I dread going to those things, but you're the only reason I go because I want to see you. Seeing you makes me feel like childhood me. Seeing you makes me feel like a normal person without the problems. That's everything I was thinking before I called you," he said.
For a moment, she felt guilty for being upset with him, but the feeling washed away immediately. Lashing out on him was the only way she could get him to talk.
"So, you wanted to have sex to distract yourself from the feeling?" she asked.
He sighed exasperatedly. "I want to have sex with you, Sakura," he said, putting emphasis on her name. "And now...knowing that you're sitting in a bath tub all wet...water probably trickling down your creamy, beautiful skin... I'm harder than I've ever been before," he said, voice thick with arousal.
Her entire body from her face down grew hot, but she knew it was wise to keep her mouth closed, lest she said something she might regret later.
"Tell me...how would you feel if I were there with you right now, touching you?" he asked in low, husky voice.
Her breath caught in her throat at a loss for words.
Hang up, hang up, hang up!
Her mind continuously yelled at her, yet her body ignored it.
"Syao—"
"Don't tell me. What about I tell you how you would feel? I am the doctor here, so I know every single detail about your body...what causes pain and pleasure."
Her eyes grew heavy, mind almost becoming intoxicated with his husky voice. Still, she said nothing.
"I want you to imagine my hands."
Before her mind could retaliate, an image of his cool, steady hands painted itself in her head.
"Okay. Now, imagine them on your bare, shoulders." He groaned. "On your soft, delicate skin..."
She almost lifted her unoccupied hand to rest it on her shoulders, but she stopped herself.
She would listen, but not participate.
"God, I'm so hard for you," he groaned out. He was quiet for a moment before he continued. "Imagine my hands sliding down your arms slowly," he said in a low voice.
And she did. She even shivered.
"You'd shiver...that's how your body reacts to my touch," he said.
She looked around to confirm that he was not there with her. He paid attention to the little things, she noted.
"I'd slide my hands back up your body to rest on your shoulders again before I move them over to your chest." She could hear a chair squeak, making her assume that he had just stood. "Think about the way my hands would move down your body slowly until they reach your beautiful breasts. Shit..." He stopped again. "I really want to touch them, right now. No, I want them in my mouth."
She inhaled a deep breath, holding it. Was this water hotter than normal?
"Think about the way my tongue would feel licking your left, hard nipple? And the way my hand would tug and pull on the other? God, I really want you right now..." He stopped again.
"Sakura?" he called weakly.
With quivering lips, she cleared her throat. "Y-yes?" she answered, sounding foreign to herself.
"I can't hold off until the next time I see you," he said in a strained tone.
Her eyes shot open and she sat up in the water more. "What do you mean?" she asked tightly, heart racing.
Was he saying what she thought he was implying?
"I can't wait to see you to come again," he said.
She heard a door close on his end of the phone.
"What are you talking about, Syaoran?" she asked, voice rising a bit.
"I... I need to touch—to feel some kind of stimulation," he said rushed.
"What are you doing?" she whispered.
"I'm going to the res—"
"Dr. Li, there's an emergency," she heard a female voice. "We paged you and—"
The call ended after that, preventing her from knowing anything further than the fact that he ignored his pager.
She sighed, sitting her phone on the stool. The slight movement caused her muscles to stiffen, feeling the cold water brush her skin.
Had she really been in the bath that long?
Closing her eyes, she splashed her face, hoping to wash away the flush.
She could not believe that she almost let Syaoran initiate phone sex with her. Phone sex.
What was she thinking?
Oh, right, how sexy his voice sounded.
She groaned, dropping her head in the water before she quickly washed her body, and then jumped out the tub. She dressed for bed and settled under the comfy sheets.
Her eyes glanced at the clock on the wall in front of her door to see that it was 2:35 a.m, approximately two minutes before it happened.
She needed these two minutes to pass quickly so she could try to sleep.
She looked at the clock again to see that only three seconds had passed.
She closed her eyes, mentally counting the seconds herself. When she opened her eyes, and looked at the clock, only fifteen seconds had passed.
She groaned, pulling the covers over her head so she could drown out the existence of the world.
It was the same every night, at the same time, in this same position that sleep would never seize the day for her.
Why, she wondered. Why could she never sleep through this time of torture? What did she ever do to deserve this pain?
Sakura closed her eyes tightly, holding on to her shirt over her heart as if she had it in her hand. She wanted it to stop. She needed the pain to go away, so why would it never go away?
Pain was the only emotion that she had ever felt since that happened. She often questioned to the greater beings every night if she did something to deserve this torturous pain.
But no one answered. No one would respond with the answers she desperately wanted, which only forced her to conclude that she did deserve this pain.
Maybe if she tried hard enough, she would not be in pain. Maybe if she gave everything she had, she would not be in this mental state. But no, she did not give her best, and she certainly did not put everything she had into that.
Sakura took a deep breath, holding on to it so she could feel this again. She needed to experience the feeling of death knocking at her door.
When she felt her head spinning and tears burning the back of her eyes, she released the breath, throwing the covers back from her face. She sat up, eyes locking on the clock.
She sighed, smiling at the time. It was twenty minutes until three, which meant she could try to sleep now. She laid back on the bed, staring at the ceiling.
Sleep never came, though.
'Won't be able to make it tomorrow.'
Her jaw tightened, but she switched her phone off nonetheless to keep herself from feeling disappointed by the text.
Syaoran had been busy this week, so they had not really talked much. After their phone call on Monday, he never called until late last night, and that was only to apologize about their previous conversation the night before that had been interrupted. He explained that a patient had run off from the hospital, or something along the lines. However, their conversation ended as soon as it started because he had to get back to work.
It was now Wednesday and she was waiting for one of her patients to get there. The lady was running a little late than normal, which was not something that happened very often.
Sakura could feel her heart beginning to tighten in pain and worry. Hashimoto Cheiko was never late, in fact. She had obsessive compulsive disorder, or what most people knew it as – OCD, so it was odd that she was not here yet.
Recently, the lady had been depressed, so she resorted to alcohol to drown out the depression. She had run straight to Sakura to get rid of the habit before it became too late.
It had only been six weeks since they started therapy, but Sakura could see a difference in her attitude and responses to questions she asked. It was not a lot, but even a little change was big for Sakura.
Sakura glanced at the clock once again to see that the lady was running seven minutes late now. She sighed, deciding to stop stressing about it. Besides, it should be of the lady's freewill to come as she pleased.
But why was she so worried about her? Why was something nagging at her, telling her that something had happened to the lady to prevent her from coming on time today?
Perhaps she was thinking too deeply about this.
Sakura picked her phone back up and responded to Akinari's text that he sent earlier that morning.
'I'm booked for the rest of the week, so I won't be able to make it this week.'
She pressed the power button off again, taking a deep breath. She was still not ready to see him. She needed a little more time before she could face him again. If she saw him now, she would probably break down in front of him and spill all her dirty secrets.
She frowned, mentally shaking her head at the cruel thoughts. Syaoran was not her dirty secret. He may be her secret, but not a dirty one. She wondered how she could define him by his disorder when she had just chastised him for doing that to other people.
Syaoran was not dirty. He just had a problem just like everyone else had problems.
Another text came in.
'Are you okay? I can come over after I get off work.'
She smiled at the text, feeling her heart clench in guilt.
'Thank you, Aki. But, I'm fine :)'
He sent a text back immediately with, 'Positive? You know I can come over at any time you want me to.'
'I'm positive. Stop your worrying.'
A few minutes passed before she got another text. When she looked this time, it was from Syaoran.
'Are you upset that I can't make it?'
She looked at the previous text and saw that she did not respond. Another text came, so she swiped the notification bar down and read the text from Akinari which read, 'You know I can't help it, love ;)'
She smiled at the text, rolling her eyes at the endearment name. She texted back, 'Well you better before I pop that wart, you worrywart :P'
She switched her phone off, turning to her computer to respond to emails while she waited for Cheiko to get there.
A text came thirty minutes later after she had responded to as many of the emails she could answer.
I really need to keep up with these emails!
She picked up her cell and looked at the text.
'?'
Her brows scrunched in confusion at the text from Syaoran until she looked further up at the previous texts. Her cheeks grew hot at seeing that she sent the wrong message to him.
Quickly, she typed a response, 'I'm not upset. See you next week on Tuesday,' and switched her phone off completely.
She glanced at the clock to see that it was past the hour of her session time with Cheiko. She frowned, wondering what held the woman up today.
Before she could further worry about the woman, the door opened, revealing another one of her patients.
She smiled at him brightly. "Hello, Mr. Haruto!"
Sakura had everything set in the building for the session that would take place in an hour or so.
All the chairs were lined into a circle so everyone could face each other. All she had to do was wait until they got here, which should be in less than thirty minutes.
Shinomoto Akiho would be the first to arrive, and the only girl out of the group. She had long, light, blonde hair that she always seemed to curl, and crystal blue eyes. Like the rest of the group, she struggled with Sexual addiction as well.
She had been taken against her will at the age of eight by multiple men when her parents went out of town for a trip. One of the men was a hired babysitter, but as soon as her parents left, he called his friends over to have their way with her.
She had decided on a whim to get help, just as most of her patients did with this condition.
The next to arrive would be Yamamoto Sato. He would also arrive early like Akiho would. He had sandy brown hair and hazel eyes.
Just like Akiho, he was also introduced to sex at a young age. However, it was not in a gruesome way with him as it was with her. He just simply saw things that he should have never seen at the age of five.
Tanaka Rui would arrive next, five minutes before the sessions would began. He had raven black hair with ocean blue eyes. He was the odd one out of the bunch. He had weird kinks and fetishes that were dangerous, but he felt addicted to the acts.
Watanabe Hayato would be the last to arrive, ten minutes late, which he purposely does to interrupt the session. He had chocolate brown hair with grey eyes. He almost reminded Sakura of Touya with his stubbornness.
She did not really know the reason behind his condition. If she were being honest, she did not really know what his problem was. Most times, he would show just to listen and not say a word to anyone. She never complained, though. She figured he must be getting better if he continued to attend the sessions.
Glancing around the room, she made sure everything was in place before her door opened. She looked at the clock to see that it was 5:20pm.
"Hi, Sakura-san!" Akiho said cheerily, walking over to her so she could hug her.
Sakura smiled, hugging her back a little tightly. "How are you?" Sakura asked after releasing her.
"Great! I'm here and on time," the woman said, grinning at her.
"On time is at six o' clock," Sakura said, winking at her playfully.
Akiho giggled, walking over to the seat she usually sat in, the middle chair. "My on time is at five twenty, missy."
Sakura smiled at her and walked over to her so she could sit next to her. "I know. I would be worried if you didn't show at this time," she said honestly.
Akiho 'tsked,' shaking her head comically. "It's because you worry too much for your patients."
Sakura sighed, with a humorous look on her face. "I can't help it. You guys are such a handful, making me lose hair over you."
Akiho threw her head back, bursting out laughing. "Well, maybe you shouldn't get so personal with your patients."
"I know, I know. I'm too friendly, right?"
Akiho's eyes gleamed with mirth as she nodded.
And they continued to talk about their day and the usual until the others arrived to join in the conversation.
Sakura was enjoying their company, talking freely while they could because as soon as six o' clock hit, everyone would go into serious mode.
By the time six o' clock hit, everyone, or the usual three who would be on time, were all sitting in their seats. It was silent for the last three minutes.
"So, how was your weeks?" Sakura asked to break the ice for everyone.
Akiho was the first to speak. "Well—"
The door to her building opened, interrupting her from continuing.
Sakura looked in the direction and her face hardened to keep up a façade that she did not know the man. Her heart told her otherwise, though.
Suddenly, she felt glad that people could not hear the beating of her heart, despite the fact that she always thought it was the most beautiful sound in the world.
Everyone in the room stared at Li Syaoran who was still dressed in his green scrubs.
Thank you guys so much for the reviews! I'm really glad that you guys are enjoying the story :). Sorry that I wasn't able to get this done sooner. I was sick majority of last week...but I'm better now. As always, thanks a bunch to my beta theDeviantme, who reads over the chapters for any grammatical errors for me!
Also, I did use a character who is going to be in the new CCS series this year! Guess who it is? :P