"Baby Steps"
Syaoran reached over, grabbing her wrists gently. He tugged on them, but her body posture remained limp and lifeless against him.
"Sakura –"
"No, I'm not getting out," she said softly. "I like this."
Syaoran sighed, leaning forward so he could wrap his arms around her tightly. Her body temperature was ice-cold, making him worry about her health.
He kissed the back of her head gently. What started as one kiss turned to two, then three to four before his lips began to travel down the back of her cold neck.
She snuggled closer to his body, brushing against his aching erection.
He moaned against her neck, and then snaked his hot tongue against her neck, licking a trail of the water up. "Are you sure? You could get sick," he said distractedly before he repeated the act with his tongue. He brought his hands up to her arms, rubbing them gently.
Her head fell back against his chest, looking at him with heavy-lidded eyes.
Uncontrollably, his head dipped, capturing her lips with his gently. Immediately, his tongue asked for entrance as his mind went elsewhere.
She was drunk. If not drunk, tipsy, he knew this, yet he could not control his actions.
It'll only be a few kisses…
The moment the thought passed through his head, his hands dropped to the freezing water, grabbing her hips to pull her back against his crotch.
Just a kiss and a little friction…
And then, his mouth became more urgent, just as much as his greedy hands did while he continuously pulled and pushed her hips against his to have the right amount of friction.
More…
It was only when she moaned that he realized his thoughts and fantasies were becoming more animalistic. So, he stopped all together.
His hands moved from under the water to rest on her arms again. He let out a shaky breath as he rested his forehead on the side of her head. "I'm sorry…" he whispered.
"Why do you really have sex?" she asked quietly, sounding a little out of breath.
He lifted his head from hers, staring in her eyes curiously. "Is this position uncomfortable for you?" he asked, noticing her top area twisted a bit so she could look at him.
"Answer the question, please," she said, whispering the last plea.
He kissed the side of her head, hoping to distract his mind from his racing heart.
She's drunk…
He reminded himself that a few more times before he pulled his lips back from her.
"When I have sex with you, I have a sense of belonging. I don't feel worthless…" he said quietly. "I know it sounds crazy, but, the woman who gave birth to me expressed how much she didn't want me; that she never should have kept me…so…" He took a deep, shaky breath again.
He noticed his hands trembling against her arms as he caressed them. He wanted to tell her this, though. He wanted to tell her everything to make her feel better.
"Syaoran…" she called softly.
He let out a short, forced laugh. "I'm sorry." He could not understand why he kept apologizing but felt compelled to continue. "This is supposed to be about you…and I'm selfishly trying to talk about my issues."
"No, keep talking. It…it makes me feel better."
His heart stopped beating for a moment. "Really?"
He slid his hand up to her chin, lifting her face so he could look at her. When a small smile tugged at her lips, he inwardly groaned.
Gods…
He leaned down, brushing his lips against hers briefly before he pulled back. "Why is everything about you so damn perfect?" he whispered, almost to himself.
A blush crept to her face, enhancing her beauty even more—to him, at least.
He kissed her lips again, and then pulled back. "Okay. I'll keep talking, but you have to turn around," he said.
She nodded her head which only made him kiss her one last time before he forced her to turn around.
He kissed the back of her head and smiled a little. He wondered how they got here when he hated her a few months ago. Everything about her had pissed him off, but now…it all made him happy.
"I have sex with you because you make me feel good," he repeated to bring up the topic again.
"What about with the others?" she asked softly.
His insides churned at the question. He does not understand how she could think, or better yet, speak about those kinds of things calmly. The thought alone of her being with another man drives his mind into insanity every time.
He took another deep breath, forcing his anger at the thought to disappear. "The others don't matter," he said.
"Wha—"
"I didn't feel this way with them," he interrupted immediately.
"How did you feel then?" she asked.
He sighed. "I don't know, Sakura. I just felt like I was fulfilling a need. I reasoned that they made me feel wanted or needed, so whenever I could get that, I took it. But, with you…I don't have to reason. I feel it," he said sincerely.
He noticed that he stopped caressing her arms, so he continued to. He just wanted to get out of this cold water. It was surprising to feel that his body had not grown used to it yet.
"I see…" she said quietly.
"Tell me how you feel when we have sex," he said softly.
"Needed," she said simply.
His insides turned into mush at that one simple word. It was always the simple things that seemed to get him. "Really?"
She nodded slowly. "I've never felt needed by anyone before."
He smiled, holding her a little tightly. And suddenly, he felt the emotions of wanting her all to himself again. The little voices inside his head would not stop taunting him with questions like, who else had she slept with? Or, how many men had she slept with? Why was he not her first? Did she feel like this with other men, proving her to be a liar?
He closed his eyes tightly.
"I'm pretty sure you're hurting my arm," he heard her say softly. He looked down and saw that his grip had tightened on her arm. "I'm kind of numb, so I can't really feel it."
He released her arm, and then kissed her shoulder. "I'm sorry. I realized that…I don't really know anything about you," he said quietly.
"I know. And, that's my fault," she said. "It's because I'm a terrible psychologist."
When he heard her voice crack at the end, he pulled her closer to him, if that were possible. He knew that tone of her voice well now, so he knew that the negativity and tears were coming. "No, you're not..."
"I am, though. I didn't do things right with you. I should've told you about myself in the first session to make you feel comfortable, but I didn't. That's why you're not better yet. And, that's why you're still—"
"Sakura," he called.
"It's true! You're this way right now because of me. I haven't done anything to—" She stopped and burst into tears. "I…I can't do this anymore."
His heart tightened, remembering the time he used those exact words. "Shh…" he shushed her, turning her top part towards him so he could look at her. "You are helping me. I'm getting better, Sakura."
She shook her head as more tears spilled from her eyes. "Don't lie to me! That's what everyone says until they—"
His lips cut her off, not knowing what else to do. He could not bear to hear her talk this way anymore.
He pulled his lips back from hers. "Get up," he said stiffly.
She sniffed, shaking her head.
"Get. Up," he said sternly.
She shook her head as a sob escaped her mouth.
He sighed, pushing her up gently so he could stand. He stood up and attempted to grab her body, but she held onto the tub, shaking her head as she sobbed louder, yelling "no."
When he got her up, her body slouched into the water again, so he could have a hard time. It was only when he stepped out of the tub that he froze, feeling the cool air brush against his cold, wet body.
Ignoring it, he leaned down and picked her up bridal style. For a moment, she struggled in his arms, but gave up immediately.
Perhaps, she knew that he was just as stubborn as she was, he noted.
He placed her on her feet in front of the walk-in shower but kept a firm grip on her wrist. He leaned down and turned the handle for the hot water in the shower. He adjusted the temperature with the cold water so that it would be perfect for their freezing bodies.
Hesitantly, he moved behind her and brought his hand to the top of her dress. His eyes trained themselves on the back of her head as he unzipped the dress slowly as she stood in front of the shower sobbing.
When his hand grazed her skin, a sharp, inhale of breath escaped her mouth as the sobs abruptly stopped.
He took a deep breath and then slid the dress down her body. He took a glimpse at the neon-colored bra before his eyes focused on the back of her head again.
Not about me…
He nudged her body towards the shower. "Get in," he instructed.
When he pushed her again, she stepped into the shower.
He followed after her, withholding a groan at the warm water hitting against his body. This felt much better than the cold water.
When he noticed her silence, he opened his eyes and turned to her. And then, the thoughts of taking her against the white tiled walls invaded his mind.
His eyes dropped. Looking at her bare legs until an image of them wrapped around his waist as he took her against the wall crossed his mind.
God, stop, stop, stop, stop!
His heart hammered against his chest as he watched her stare at his chest with a blank expression on her face. "Look at me," he demanded, voice heavy with arousal.
When she looked at him through her thick lashes, he leaned down and captured her lips with his tightly.
His hands moved up to wrap around her body, pulling her closer to him tightly.
She responded back just as hard, stopping him from further going through with what he had in mind.
"A-are you sober enough for this? Do you understand what we are going to do? How much I want you right now?"
His hand slid lower down her body to the back of her panties, resting on her cheeks.
She blushed, opening her mouth to speak, but nothing came out. So, he squeezed her behind firmly, pulling her closer to him. "Answer me," he commanded in a restrained tone.
She still did not answer him.
Closing his eyes, he sighed, dropping his hands from her body.
Self-control, self-control, self-control, Syaoran.
She began to pull his shirt up slowly, but he grabbed her hands tightly. He pushed her body towards the cool, tiled wall. The closer he moved to her, the more her body pressed into the wall.
He placed both hands on the side of her head on the wall, blocking the water from touching her body as much. His eyes dropped down to her body, becoming mesmerized by the little droplets rolling down her skin.
Just a little…
He leaned down and kissed her shoulder.
Just a little…
His tongue dragged up her shoulder to her neck, tasting the water on her skin. Water had never taste so good to him than it did now. His tongue continued to slide up her neck.
When he heard a soft moan escape her mouth, he sucked on the area behind her ear.
Just a little more…
Uncontrollably, his hand moved over to her right breast, grasping it.
"S-Syaoran," she called weakly.
He stopped as soon as he heard the whimper. He sighed, closing his eyes tightly before he moved away from her body.
Just a little, alright.
He reached for the liquid soap and loofah. He read the name of the soap with a confused facial expression. She never smelt like vanilla when he was around, so it was weird to see that she had it.
He shook his head, getting rid of the ridiculous thoughts. He squirted a bit of the soap on the loofah, and then lathered it up. He dragged it across her body slowly, watching the foam slide down her body with the water.
She stared at something behind him as he continued to wash her body.
"I've taken advantage of women before," he said as he scrubbed her body, eyes avoiding her face. "But, I've never taken advantage of a woman who wasn't sober-minded."
When she did not respond, he reached behind her with shaky hands and unclasped her bra. With all his control, he kept his eyes locked with hers. He hung the loofah on the hook and used his hand to spread the soapy foams on her breasts.
He closed his eyes, praying that his aching erection would go down when his hands felt how hard and taut her nipples were. When the thought of running his fingers across them again came to mind, he removed his hands.
Taking a deep breath, he closed his eyes tightly before he opened them again, looking into hers. "A woman's husband died…so, I took advantage of her broken heart." He sighed, smiling at her a little. "I feel disgusted by my behavior…so I can't even imagine doing something like that again. To you, especially."
The blank expression on her face was beginning to worry him. "Sakura, I…"
He stopped, shaking his head to get rid of the thought. He hated himself when he got all emotional like this. He had never been emotional in the past, even as a kid.
He sighed and quickly washed the rest of her body.
Once he finished, he turned the shower off and grabbed the towel off the rack. He looked down at her face when he was in front of her again and saw that she was staring at the white-tiled wall.
What's wrong?
"Sakura?" he called.
When she sniffed, he noticed how red her nose had gotten. He wanted to ask her what happened but instead, he put himself in her situation. If he were feeling down and depressed, he would not want anyone to bother and question him about it.
Instead of questioning her emotional state, he wrapped his arms around her tightly and kissed the top of her wet hair.
He lost count of how long he embraced her, but it was only when the warmness in the bathroom began to fade that he released her. Afterwards, he wrapped the towel around her body and gently pushed her body out of the tub.
He stripped from his soaked clothes, leaving his boxers on though. He remembered that he always left a pair of spare clothes in his car, in case of an emergency.
He used another towel to dry his body off before he stepped out with her. "Come on." He wrapped his arms around her body and led them out of her bathroom.
He forced her to sit on the edge of the bed once they settled in her room. "Stay here and I'll get you clothes to put on," he instructed.
When she looked at him, he took that as 'go ahead.'
He rummaged through her drawer for several minutes until his eyes came across a set of pajamas. He picked out the yellow pair with little bears on them.
He smiled a little and then stood from his stooping position on the floor. He walked back over to her.
With his eyes trained on her emotionless face, he pulled the towel from her body. He slipped the long-sleeved shirt over her head and sighed when she would not cooperate with him.
"Sakura," he called in a warning tone.
He grabbed her arm and then pulled it through the sleeve with much difficulty.
This felt like déjà vu, all over again, except with another person. Taking care of someone who is emotionally drained was nothing new to him. He did it all the time as a kid, but it was unnerving to see Sakura like this.
Instead of dwelling on that feeling, he reasoned that it may have been because she was the one who always took care of him.
When he finished putting her shirt on, he slipped the pants on with as much difficulty as it was to get the shirt on.
Not wanting her to get sick, he blow-dried her hair after he found it.
When the cool air brushed against him, he was reminded that he only had on the wet boxers. He stooped in front of her, grabbing her hands. "Sakura, can I trust that you won't do anything while I run out to my car?"
She only stared at him blankly, so he squeezed her hand gently. "Please, answer me," he said, sounding a little desperate and worried, all the same.
She gave a slight nod, which he noticed. He brought her hands to his lips, kissing them before he released her. "I'll be back in less than three minutes," he promised.
Once she nodded again, he rushed out of the room, and then the house.
His breath caught in his throat the moment the cool night air hit him.
Not the smartest idea…
He rushed to his car and grabbed the clothes and rushed back into the apartment. He closed the door, locking it. He was back in her room in less than three minutes, as promised.
Syaoran was relieved when he saw her sitting in the same spot he left her, staring at the floor. He sighed, slipping the plain shirt over his head, and then taking the wet boxers off. He used the towel he had earlier to dry off before he slid the dry pair on.
He walked to the bed and sat beside her. "You want to get some sleep now?" he asked gently.
She did not say anything for a long while before she rest her head on his shoulder. "She killed herself…" she said quietly.
Syaoran froze beside her briefly.
She took a deep breath. "It's my fault…"
"Sakura—"
"No, it is. I shouldn't have become attached to her."
Syaoran wrapped his arm around her. He did not know what to say.
"I've failed again. What's the point of trying anymore?" she whispered brokenly.
She silently cried as he held her tightly. He felt a little useless, knowing that there was nothing he could do to make her feel better.
Syaoran knew exactly how she felt, though. He loses patients every day, so he knew hearing "It's okay," or "Everything is going to be alright," were empty promises.
So, he let her cry on his shoulder. He would normally use sex to make himself feel better, but he knew his method would be no good for her.
When her crying subsided, he loosened his grip around her body. "Sakura," he called softly.
She sniffed, lifting her head off his shoulder to look at him.
"Let's lay down," he suggested.
She nodded, standing from the bed.
He pulled the sheets back and waited for her to climb inside. He followed her, pulling her body closer to him again. He would be sure that she does not escape this time.
When their bodies tangled together, Syaoran lifted her face so she could stare at him. "I know there's nothing I can do to make you feel better. But, know that I understand how you're feeling. If there's anything you need or want, just let me know and I'll try my best to get it for you," he said sincerely.
Her nails gently dug into his arms as she held him tightly. "Talk…" she said quietly.
"About what?" he asked, looking at her face as she stared at his chest.
"Anything…"
He rested his chin on top of her head as he felt his heart beginning to beat quickly. "Okay," he said calmly.
I can do this…
"I…had an older brother," he said slowly.
He stopped, waiting for her response, but one never came to that statement.
"I'm just going to listen," she said, loosening her grip on his arm.
He nodded. "Well, he's past tense because he's no longer on this earth. And, I should be sad that he's dead, but…" He shook his head slowly while staring at the clock on her nightstand. "I'm not. I hate him. Sometimes, I'd find myself being glad that he died."
He knew that he sounded heartless, but he meant every single word. Also, he wanted to be honest with her.
"Why?" she asked softly.
"Because, everything that happened to me is his fault. He's the one to blame for everything bad that's happened to me," he said tightly. "So, I hate him. I never met him, but I hate that he ever existed."
He slid his hand down her arms slowly and then pulled the sleeve of her shirt up a little, so he could stroke the skin. He cleared his throat and continued to stroke her arm. "You know, I'm glad that you didn't know me in the past…" he said, abruptly changing the subject. "You wouldn't have liked me."
He moved back so he could grab her chin and force her to look up at him. He kissed her tear-stained cheek. "Remember when I told you about the control that I love to have during sex?" he asked.
She nodded, staring into his eyes as if she were in a trance.
He released a short, humorless laugh. "Years ago, I went to this…club. It was interesting," he said thoughtfully. "Very interesting."
A small smile tugged on her lips.
As always, he leaned down to kiss her lips softly, unable to control himself.
"What kind of club?" she asked against his lips.
His face lit up, feeling the blood rush to it. "It was…" he trailed off quietly. "Unusual. I thought that I'd be into it, which I was. But, the lifestyle and that much control over a woman's life was too much."
"I get it," she said quietly.
"Why—" He stopped, not wanting to make her switch into her profession. Instead, he asked, "Do you think that I like to have so much control because I didn't have any as a kid?" he asked.
"That is why, so you're right. After you told me everything you love to have control over—what you eat, specifically, I knew that it had something to do with your childhood," she said softly.
He stared at her in awe, a little surprised that he had been right. He held her tightly. "You should have told me before instead of leaving me to wonder," he said.
"I don't make assumptions…except for this one time."
"About what, though?" he asked.
"Making you feel comfortable in the first session. Normally, I'd tell a patient about myself in the beginning to allow them to feel like they can trust me. I…I didn't do that with you, though," she said. "I assumed that I didn't need to. And then, I started to feel nervous when I found out who you were."
"So, do it now," he said encouragingly. "Tell me about you."
She snuggled closer to him as he held her tighter. "Tomorrow, then," she said softly.
His heart sped up. "Really?" he asked hopefully.
"Yeah."
He closed the gap between their lips and kissed her passionately for a few minutes. "Okay. Sleep with me?" he asked after pulling back from his lips.
When she nodded, he pulled her head to his chest and closed his eyes. It did not take a full minute before he fell asleep.
Syaoran shifted in his sleep, half-awake already. He had been in and out of sleep for the majority of the night, trying to make sure Sakura had not left him again. He could not afford waking up to see her body lying dead in another room.
Eventually, he fell asleep, which was the reason he could not bring himself to fully wake up now.
"It's past twelve," he heard her soft voice say beside him.
His lips curved a little and he reached over to wrap an arm around her. Briefly, he wondered when they had untangled their bodies, but then remembered her moving away from him a little and telling him that she had been hot last night.
He squeezed his eyes shut tightly before opening them a little to look at her.
She was turned to him, staring and holding her head up with her hand.
He held back a yawn, not wanting to blow his breath in her face so early in the morning.
She smiled, seeming to notice. "I have an extra toothbrush in my bathroom if you want to use it," she said softly.
He returned the smile and leaned over to peck her lips lightly. He sat up in the bed, stretching as his eyes tried to get used to the light shining in the room from the window. "Good morning, by the way," he said after he finished stretching.
"Good afternoon," she corrected.
He stretched again, standing from the bed and releasing that yawn he held back minutes ago. "What color is the toothbrush?" he asked.
"Purple."
He leaned down to kiss her forehead again. "Stay here. I'll be back shortly," he said after pulling away.
She nodded, leaving him with no choice but to head to the bathroom.
He found the toothbrush easily, much to his relief, and brushed his teeth quickly while staring at his reflection in the mirror.
His hair looked messier than normal and he had a little more than a five o' clock shadow on his face.
He did not look bad, nor did he look his best, though.
For some reason, he did not really feel ashamed of himself, looking this way in front of Sakura. She knew too much about him for him to feel embarrassed by his appearance, so he thought it best to not worry about it.
Once he finished brushing his teeth, he attempted to comb his fingers through his hair to tame it a little, but it only made it worse.
Sighing, he gave up and headed back to Sakura's room.
He felt relieved to see her still lying in the bed as he instructed her to. "How are you holding up?" he asked gently, walking over to her. He climbed in the bed beside her and pulled her body to his.
"Honestly?" she asked a little too quietly, but he still heard her.
"Of course."
"I have a headache, but thanks to Tomoyo for forcing me to drink all that water, it's only minor."
"And?"
She took a deep breath and then released it. "I don't know. You, being here helps, though," she said.
He smiled, nuzzling her neck when his insides turned into mush again.
God, why?
"I'm glad," he said against her skin.
"Crap," she said, suddenly pushing away from him so she could sit up.
He frowned, sitting up with her. "What is it?" he asked.
"I forgot to do something last night," she said, getting out of bed.
"You weren't in the correct mind to do anything last night," he said, watching her look around the room. "What are you looking for?"
"My phone," she said distractedly as she looked under the bed.
He frowned. "Why? It's in the living room where your purse is," he said.
"I'll be back to get it," she said, already rushing out of the room.
She came back in less than thirty seconds with the phone in her hand as her eyes glued to it.
"Come here," he said.
She walked over to him, climbing in the bed with him again, attention still glued to her phone.
"Who is it?" he asked, feeling his heart tighten in his chest.
"I forgot to tell Aki that I got home safe," she said.
He snatched the phone from her immediately, switching the phone off. "He doesn't matter," he said.
She frowned, attempting to grab her phone from him, but he held it back. "Syaoran, he's probably worried sick about me. He called over ten times already," she said, staring at him seriously.
"Why? Is there something you're not telling me?" he asked, holding on to her phone tightly.
"You're going to break it," she said, reaching to grab it from him.
He placed it under his body, holding on to it tightly still. "Answer the fuc—answer the question, Sakura," he demanded sternly, glaring at her.
She stopped trying to get it, looking at him with a frown on her lips. "There's nothing to tell you," she said.
He held on to the phone a little tighter, looking in her eyes to find any trace of dishonesty. "Are you involved with him too?" he asked.
"No," she said.
Even though she said that, the feelings still would not go away.
"I promise…now, give me my phone, or he'll surely come here."
"Why the hell would he do that?" he asked, glaring at her.
"The same reason why you would," she said.
He huffed, shocked by that statement. "There is something going on between you guys—"
"Syaoran, stop it! Don't make me feel any worse than I already do," she said, staring at him desperately.
He stopped, guilt creeping in immediately. "Sakura—"
"Please, just give me my phone," she said brokenly.
His heart ached, hearing that tone, so he handed her the phone. Suddenly, he felt like he was the most immature person alive.
She accepted it, and then attempted to stand from the bed, but he grabbed her wrist gently, stopping her. "I'm sorry…I didn't mean to make you feel that way," he said.
Her eyes began to water a bit before she looked away from his, nodding. "Okay."
Relieved that she had forgiven him, he pulled her back, so she could lie on the bed beside him. "Tell him that you're safe or whatever and then turn your phone off," he said, leaning over to kiss her lips gently. "You're mine today."
A blush crept to her cheeks, and she pushed him away weakly, so she could sit up. "Okay," she said, switching her phone on.
He watched her punch in the man's number, feeling a bit happy that she did not try to leave the room for privacy.
"Who's your favorite sister?" Sakura asked him as they lied in front of the fireplace under a blanket cuddled together in the living room.
Syaoran caressed her bare stomach with his hand under her shirt. "Fuutie, the oldest," he said with a smile.
He felt proud of himself. They had been lying here for the last two hours getting to know each other more after he cooked them something to eat. Not once had he thought about making advances on her because he really wanted to know more about her, other than her body.
So, now he knew about her family; that it was only her, Touya, and her father, who is named Fujitaka. She told him that her mom had died when she was very young, so she did not know much about her. She even told him not to sympathize for her when he attempted to with failure.
Then, she told him what she liked to do outside of her profession, which was cooking, spending time with her friends, and ice-skating.
She had told him so much more that he was afraid that he might not remember everything, but then he remembered that he could never forget anything about her.
Sakura smiled, fingers playing with the little hairs on the back of his neck. "Why?" she asked softly.
"She's the most annoying," he said blandly.
Her fingers stopped as she looked at him confused.
He pulled her closer, if that were possible, and smiled. "She's stubborn, persistent, aggressive, irrational—"
"So, everything you are?" she asked with a twinkling glee in her eyes.
He chuckled, letting his hand rise higher in her shirt a bit. "Exactly," he said, leaning over to kiss her neck.
She sighed contentedly. "So, she's your favorite because she's like you?" she asked.
"Yes," he said in a proud tone.
She giggled, shaking her head. "Egomaniac," she said.
"Egomaniac or satyromaniac?" he asked, beginning to kiss down her neck slowly.
Her giggling slowly died down as her chest rose and fell a little quicker now.
His hands slid higher as he pulled the top of her shirt down a little to kiss her collarbone, with his other hand. After he licked it, he stopped.
"Which is it?" he asked teasingly, looking at her flushed face now.
"Th-that's a hard question to answer," she stuttered, staring at him with heavy-lidded eyes.
He was beyond aroused right now but promised himself that he would go the day without sex, and any other self-pleasuring performances. Plus, today was about getting to know her.
He just enjoyed seeing her like this, and knowing that he had this effect on her, just as she did on him. But, for once, he wanted to try and go a day without any sexual activities.
He could not even remember the last time he had done that, if he ever had since he discovered the world of pleasure.
With all his control, he removed his hand from under her shirt. "I guess we're going with egomaniac then," he said, and then gently nipped her collarbone.
When she released a loud moan, he removed his hips from her body to avoid rocking his hips against hers until he had what he swore not to have today.
He sat up from the lying position and reached for his empty glass. "I'm going to go and get something to drink," he said, wanting to get out of there before he threw the idea of not having sex today, out the window.
With a flushed face, she nodded, staring at him.
Clumsily, Syaoran stood from the floor and rushed out of the living room. He walked into the kitchen, going straight to the sink to fill his glass up of water.
He turned around, leaning against the sink, and drank some of the water. He could not understand why he always put himself in situations like that, knowing that he was a weak man when it came to her and sex.
He squeezed his eyes shut as he tried to lead his thoughts somewhere else appropriate. When he opened his eyes, they looked at everything in the room to concentrate on something else.
They scanned the kitchen one last time before they stopped on something across the room from him.
A frame.
Slowly, he walked to the other side of the room to have a look at the photo. He picked it up, looking at the dirty, blonde-haired man in it.
Who the hell is this?
He stared at the photo a little longer until he felt himself growing more and more annoyed with it.
Out of these last two hours they had been talking nonstop, Sakura never mentioned that she had a special person in her life.
There was no way that this man was not special to her, considering the fact that she had a photo of him framed in her home.
His hand tightened around the frame, almost breaking it until he dropped it. He wondered how he had not seen it sitting over here earlier when they were in the kitchen together.
"Syaoran?"
His head snapped in the direction of the entrance where he heard her calling him. He took a few deep breaths to calm his anger and raging heart.
There was no point in jumping to conclusions when he knew nothing.
Nothing…
Syaoran knew that it was time to push his feelings to the side and ask her those questions that had been taunting him for the last twelve hours.
He put the photo back down, positioning it to where it was before and walked back to the living room.
She was still under the blankets but sitting up now. "Are you okay?" she asked.
He walked over to her and got under the covers with her again. "Give me the word of the feeling…" he said quietly.
"What?"
"A person who's very possessive of someone and gets furious when he sees, or even think about her being with another man," he said.
"Jealous—what's going on?" she asked, placing her hand on his shoulder.
That's what it is!
"Sakura, how many men have you been with? I don't think we've talked about this," he said tightly, not even caring that she might notice his change in demeanor anymore.
She let out a short laugh, dropping her hand from his shoulder. "One."
"One?" he questioned, looking at her.
"Yes. Where is this coming from?" she asked, looking at him confused.
"How many other men have you slept with?" he asked, feeling his blood boil at the thought.
"Two," she said.
"Is one of those two the bastard who works in my hospital?" he asked tightly.
"Syaoran—"
"Just answer me, Sakura," he said sternly.
"Aki's my therapist, and a long-time friend," she said, almost sounding a little reassuring.
He did not feel the least bit assured, though.
"What's with the pet name then? It annoys the hell out of me every time you use it," he said, even sounding annoyed.
To his surprise, she giggled and laid back down on the pillow. "Lay down or get under the blanket. I'm getting cold."
He sighed exasperatedly. "You're not avoiding this, Sakura," he said, laying down beside her.
She pulled the blanket closer to her body. "Thank you."
"Sak—"
"In undergrad school, he refused to tell me his first name. We have done projects together, but I never heard his first name. Later, I found out that he talked with the teachers and asked them to leave his first name off the roster. So, I stuck with addressing him by his last name. Since he wouldn't tell me his first name, I gave him the nickname because it felt weird addressing him by his last name when we were really good friends."
Syaoran stared at her face, hoping to see any form of dishonesty. Like always, he found nothing.
She smiled a little. "I'm serious. He hates his first name because it's a female name."
What is his first name?
He took note to look at it later.
"Who are the guys you slept with, then?"
"You and my previous boyfriend," she said, sounding nonchalant about it.
He wrapped his arm around her, pulling her body closer to his. "I didn't know you had a boyfriend in the past," he said quietly.
"I'm in my late twenties, Syaoran," she said as if it were the most obvious thing in the world.
"So?" he said, sounding offended. He questioned why she had to have one, to himself.
"I've had one. How many have you had?" she asked.
"I don't know if I'd call those girls, girlfriends, but three. There were no feelings on my part, though," he said.
"I see…"
"Is the previous boyfriend the man in that photo in the kitchen?" he asked suddenly.
She froze under his arms, which he immediately noticed. She did not say anything for a long while, causing his irritation to grow.
"Who the hell is that, Sakura?" he asked.
"O-oh! Eiichi!" she said, attempting to sit up, but he held her tightly, so she could not go anywhere.
"Eiichi?"
"Yeah. He's the previous boyfriend," she said, forcing a smile on her face.
"Why is…there a photo of him in your kitchen?" he asked, closing his eyes tightly.
"Why not?" she asked, shrugging under him.
"Get rid of it since it's nothing important then," he said testily.
"Why would I do that?" she asked.
"I don't like it there."
She looked at him as if he were insane. "So? Syaoran, it's just a photo, and this is my home."
He moved his arms from her body and stood from the floor. He began to pace back and forth in the room, trying to calm himself down.
Jealousy.
That was what she told him this emotion is.
He turned to her, looking down at her. "Do you still have something for him?" he asked tightly.
"He was my first—"
"That's not what I asked. I don't want to hear that," he interrupted.
"I'm sorry, but can we change the subject?" she asked, looking at him.
When he looked at her face, all those emotions washed off him, seeing the sorrow in her eyes.
Taking a deep breath, he nodded, and then sat back down beside her. He got under the covers with her and wrapped his arms around her body again.
I'm such an asshole.
"I'm sorry for being this way," he said sincerely. "I know I keep being mean and rude, then apologizing when I notice my mistakes, but..."
She did not say anything as she rest her head against his chest, staring at nothing in particular.
"I don't mean to be this way, really."
He stopped talking after that and just held her, taking the hint that she just wanted to lay there and remain in silence.
Syaoran looked at the clock for the umpteenth time, seeing that it was five o'clock.
They had been laying here for the last two hours in silence, holding each other. He had not said anything to her, fearing that he might upset or hurt her further than he already had.
He still wanted answers about the Eiichi man, but knew better than asking her about him right now. Whatever the man was to her, Syaoran knew that he was special. Otherwise, she would not have shut down on him like that so fast.
They were having a good time all day until he saw the picture and asked her about the men in her life.
He sighed, caressing her hair again. He just wanted her to talk, let him know how she felt right now. To hear her voice…
As if she could read his mind, she moved her head and rest her chin against his chest, looking at him. "The fire's going out," she said quietly.
"Sakura," he called, sounding relieved that she had finally spoken to him.
She bit the inside of her cheeks, looking down a little. "I just…" She looked up at him with a sad smile on her face. "I don't talk about him anymore."
While looking in her eyes, he could see her silently begging him to be understanding. He gave her a small smile. "Okay. You don't have to," he said softly, pulling her up so he could kiss her lips gently.
She smiled against his lips and kissed him back, holding on to his body tightly.
He broke the kiss as soon as it began and kissed her nose. "Let's do something," he said.
She looked him in the eyes curiously. "Something like what?" she asked.
He shrugged. "I don't know. Something aside from lounging around. It's five o'clock and that's all we've done," he said with a smile.
She returned the smile with a blush on her face. "That's kind of what I want..." she trailed off.
He stared in her eyes, looking to see if she were telling the truth. "That's fine. I just want to be here with you," he said softly.
Her blush deepened, and she laid her head on his chest. "Thank you..." she almost whispered.
"Anytime and thing you need," he said, hearing the honesty in his tone.
"You haven't had any calls from the hospital today?" she asked.
He shrugged nonchalantly. "They can go a day without me," he said.
"So, you have?"
"A few, but like I said, they can go without me. Besides, I told Dr. Hanaka to call my personal cell if anything happens and they really need me," he said, reassuring her that she had nothing to worry about.
"Okay..." she said quietly.
His hand dragged down her back, resting on the lower part. "Yeah. Are you going to go back to work tomorrow?" he asked.
She remained silent for a moment before he grabbed the back of her head gently, making her look up at him.
He stroked her back with the other hand, seeing the sadness cloud her eyes once again. "You don't have to. Take a few days off," he suggested.
"I can't do that..." she said quietly.
"Sure, you can. Just call your scheduled patients and tell them that an emergency came up," he said.
She shook her head, laying her head back down on his chest.
Before she was out of eye shot, his eyes caught a glimpse of the tears forming in her eyes.
"Just a few days, Sakura. You need a break," he said, making her look at him again.
She sniffed, shaking her head again. "I can't let those people down, too," she said brokenly.
"You're going to let them down by putting yourself through this much pain."
"I—"
"Sakura, just please," he said desperately, looking at her worried.
He really did not want anything to happen to her, and if she continued to push herself like this, something was bound to happen to her health.
"Okay," she said quietly.
He sighed in relief, pulling her up his body slightly so he could kiss her lips gently.
She pulled back after a few seconds and sat up. "I'm going to get my phone, then," she said.
He grabbed her wrist gently, shaking his head. "Stay here. I'll get it," he said, already standing from the floor before she could.
He wanted to do as much as he could for her now. He did not know when he would see this vulnerable side of her again, so he wanted to take advantage of the opportunity to take care of her. She deserved this much from him, at least.
He walked to her room and looked around for her phone.
When he spotted it on the night stand, he walked over to it and grabbed the phone. For a moment, he thought about turning it on, until the thought turned into curiosity.
He was never a prying man, but with Sakura...
It was different. Something was different that he could not place his finger on. So, he pressed the power button to turn the screen on.
He stared at the screen saver of Sakura and Tomoyo posing for the camera. A small smile tugged at his lips as his eyes trained on Sakura.
Just when his finger began to swipe the phone across to get into it, his mind stopped him.
He could not disrespect her like this by going through her personal things.
Sighing, he left her room with the phone in his hand. He saw her sitting in the same spot in the living room, so he walked over to her with the phone.
"Here," he handed it to her. "Cancel the next three to four days, appointments," he said.
"That's so long, though…" she said quietly.
"Sakura," he called sternly.
She sighed and turned her phone on. "I just…I hate to do this," she said in a small voice.
"But you need to," he said encouragingly.
"Okay…"
"And after you finish the phone calls, we can talk more and watch movies. We can order in pizza or something," he suggested, smiling at her.
A small smile formed on her lips as she looked at him. "Thank you," she said. "Thank you so much." She jumped on top of him, embracing him possibly with all her strength.
His face warmed as he wrapped his arms around her body a little tightly. He could not understand why he felt so good inside whenever he did something to make her feel better.
She released him and then held up her phone, showing him that she was going to call them.
He nodded, moving away from her a little to avoid any body contact. He was still aroused but did not want to cause any trouble for her, nor did he want to break his commitment.
"Hello? This is Dr. Kinomoto…"
He drowned out the rest of her of her conversation out, collecting his thoughts. He did not want to do anything else to upset or worry her today. He had already done enough, so he wanted to please her in the only way he could; acting on his best behavior.
Though he could never contain the thoughts, he scratched out the idea of talking about past relationships. It was obviously an off-limits topic for her, he noticed. So, he wanted to respect her wishes. For today, at least.
"Thank you so much for being understanding," he heard her say when he left the thoughts alone.
"Alright. Bye-bye," she said and then ended the call.
He looked at her, grabbing her hands. "All done?" he asked in a soft voice.
She gave him a sad smile, nodding.
"Come here," he said, gently pulling her face towards him so he could place a brief kiss on her lips.
When he pulled back, he caressed her cheek with a smile on his lips. "I'm going to get my phone and order a pizza. Will you be alright by yourself for a few minutes?" he asked teasingly.
She let out a short, humorless laugh. "Go," she said, pushing him up weakly.
He chuckled and kissed her lips one last time before he stood up. "Do you have any movies here or do I need to go out and get one?"
"I do," she said quietly.
"Well, you can pick whatever movie you want and set it up. Or, I can order the pizza—cheese, right? And then come back and set up whatever movie you choose, or—"
"Just order the pizza," Sakura said with a knowing smile on her lips.
He blushed, feeling embarrassed by his rambling and nervousness. He could not explain why he felt so nervous suddenly.
"Okay," he said and then rushed out of the living room to her room.
Once there, he picked up his phone and dialed the closest pizza place.
After he finished the phone call, he headed back to Sakura, only to see that she had set up the movie and already had it playing as she sat on the couch, waiting for him. He smiled and walked over to the couch and sat down beside her.
"What did you choose?" he asked, wrapping his arms around her to pull her close to his side.
She shrugged, laying her head on his shoulder while staring at the tv. "I don't know. The first movie I picked up," she said.
He turned to the tv, looking at the introductions scrolling through. He turned to her again and gave her a slight squeeze. "It's fine. I do the same thing sometimes. Just hearing something play soothes me," he said, stroking her arm unconsciously.
When a response never came, he looked down at her face to see if she had fallen asleep or something. "Sakura," he called her name when he saw her staring at the tv screen unfocused.
"Is she dead?" she asked quietly.
Unpleasant chills glided down his body at the random and sudden question. Swallowing, he shook his head slowly, but then remembered she was staring at the movie playing on the tv. "I don't know—no, maybe. To me, yes."
"Don't you want to know?" she asked.
"No," he said quickly. "I don't care if she is or not, physically."
Sakura lifted her head from his shoulder, so she could look at him. "Syaoran," she called disapprovingly.
He sighed. "I know it sounds bad, but it's true. She didn't do anything good in my life, so why should I care?"
"Because she brought you into this world," she said softly.
He paused and thought about it for a moment.
She did bring him into this world, so it should be easy to care if she was still alive or not. He did not know how he could even think about caring about her, though.
"I didn't ask her to, did I?" he said tightly and breaking the eye contact between them.
"No, but she still did," she said sadly.
He sighed, pulling her to his body tightly. "Do we have to talk about her right now?" he asked, not wanting to get on this topic with her.
He had already done enough damage to her today and did not want to add on to it. Talking about the woman who gave birth to him would surely add on it.
"I want to," she said in a small voice.
Closing his eyes, he contemplated whether or not he wanted to do this. It was talk about her and possibly cause more damage to Sakura or avoid the topic and continue to sit through her silence.
"I'm sorry. We don't have to," she said, voice shaking a little.
"No, I want to," he said without thinking.
She pulled back from him, staring in his eyes seriously. "Are you sure? We don't have to if you don't want to."
"I'm positive," he said, offering her a forced smile.
She gave him a small smile and she grabbed the remote control to turn the tv down a little.
He took a deep breath and then released it. "We aren't talking as therapist and patient now, right?" he asked.
The smile faltered from her lips. "No."
"Okay, good—"
His phone chimed, buzzing on the edge of the couch.
He sighed, reaching over to grab it. It was a text message in a group chat.
'Li Syaoran, you pick up my phone call right now!'
He mentally groaned, annoyed with the person texting him.
"Who is it?" Sakura asked, sounding a little concerned.
Knowing that she sensed his annoyance, he gave her a reassuring smile to let her know that it was nothing to worry about. "It's just Meilin, my cousin. She calls at least twice a week to check up on me. I didn't pick up the phone when she called, so I guess she thinks texting me to call her will make me pick up," he said with a chuckle.
She smiled a little and then shook her head. "Oh, you had an annoyed expression on your face when you looked at your phone," she informed him.
"Because I am annoyed. I haven't answered any of her calls for the past year or so, and she still hasn't taken the hint."
"That's not very nice, then. She's probably worried sick about you," she said, looking at him disappointed.
"She'll be fine—"
"You should call her back and let her know that you're fine," she interrupted.
He sighed. "Sakura—"
"Syaoran," she said, exaggerating his name a bit.
Chills ran down his entire body as his entire body became hot, hearing her call his name like that.
He looked at her face, eyes landing on her lips.
It had probably been less than an hour ago that he kissed them, but it felt much longer than that.
"Syaoran?" she called, snapping him out of his thoughts. "What—"
He gently pushed her to the other side of the couch, so her head could rest on the cushion. He grabbed the side of her knees, closing her legs so he could climb on top of her on the uncomfortable couch.
Sighing, he rested his forehead against hers with his eyes closed. This had been the longest that he ever went without any form of release.
This is long enough.
When her soft fingers caressed his face, he opened his eyes, seeing her stare at him with a small smile.
He sighed, relieved that she was okay with this, so he leaned down and closed the gap between their lips.
As soon as their lips began to move against each other's, the doorbell rang, causing Sakura to jump under him, breaking their lips apart.
Syaoran chuckled, seeing the look of fear on her face. "It's just the pizza," he said, leaning down to kiss her lips again, but she turned away.
"W-we have to answer the door then," she stuttered, pushing against his chest when the doorbell rang again.
He grabbed her wrist, pinning them to the couch under them. "We don't. They'll leave," he said, kissing her cheek.
"But, you already paid and—"
"Sakura," he called gently.
"Okay."
"Thank you," he said and continued to kiss down her face until his lips found hers again.
A/N: Finally found the time to update this chapter! Thanks to my beta, theDeviantme, and you guys for all the reviews and and alerts. I think I responded to them all, but I'm not too sure. I've been stacked with homework and test for the past week, but I do still read each of them! :D
This upcoming week, I have a lot of homework and test, so it'll be harder for me to find time to get the next chapter done(plus, I'm out of town right now!). Also, I did promise myself to finish writing the next chapter to EFITL, so I want to stand by it. I promise not to make you guys wait too long though.
I'll let you guys know that the next chapter's in Sakura's point of view :)