"Receive a Little, Give a Lot"
Sakura slid her fingers through his hair as her lips responded to his fervently. She could barely breathe but did not want to part her lips from his.
She was in. She was all in and there was nothing that she could do about it anymore. This feeling felt too good. Too great to stop this—whatever they had going on.
Syaoran needed her, and now she realized that she had to be there for him, just as much as he tried to be there for her.
She could admit out loud that she is a stupid woman for doing this, but she could no longer care. She needed him to forget her pain, and he needed her to give him something that he missed out on all his life. It was a win-win situation, so she was willing to give him that lost feeling.
Besides, doing this made her happy again. She may have been an emotional wreck for the last two days, but she has been happy at the same time.
She has someone here with her who understands how she feels.
She recalled Syaoran telling her about the way he used to feel when he lost a patient. So, she knew that he was her guy for this. And, she had been right.
He did and said all the right things. Though she could not remember all of it, he was perfect from everything she did remember.
No one has ever understood her the way he did, and it almost scared her. She often talked to Akinari about her problems, emotional state, and everything else. She never felt that he understood her, though.
She knew that a person does not have to experience the same thing to know how to help people. She used to think that way, but quickly realized that was not the case.
She was very grateful for all her friends and family, but sometimes, she wanted someone who could understand.
And that someone happened to be Syaoran, her patient, her friend, her protector, her...
She stopped thinking, realizing the patterns her thoughts were trailing down.
Syaoran untangled their tongues, pulling back from her so he could look her in the eyes. "What are you thinking so hard about?" he asked, caressing her cheek lovingly.
She could feel her cheeks growing hot at the gesture. "Nothing..."
He kissed down her face slowly, sliding his hand under her pajama shirt. "It is something. You're not as responsive," he said against her skin before snaking his tongue against it.
She shivered, closing her eyes tightly. "I-it's nothing. I just..." She pulled his face up from the crook of her neck, so she could look at him. "I'm okay," she said, smiling at him.
He sighed in relief and leaned down to kiss her lips. "You're okay with this too?" he asked, even though he removed his hands from under her shirt, so he could pull it off.
She smiled, nodding her head.
He returned the smile and dropped the shirt on the small table in front of them. He shifted a little and began to kiss down her face slowly while his fingers caressed her stomach.
She closed her eyes as the temperature of her body rose sky high. She wants this. Really bad, but that small voice, known as her conscious, was telling her to stop this before it was too late. She did not know how to, though. This feels so good. He feels so good. So, she felt more willing to wait and see the outcome of this mess she was getting herself into.
She understood why he was addicted to sex like a drug. Not because she was addicted to it, but because she understood what it meant to use something to make yourself feel better.
It is normal to want to feel good, so people would always run back to that object or person to get that same high again. Syaoran was a toxic person who could get her in so much trouble and mess with her emotional state, but he was that person she got that high from. So, she declared that everything would be alright.
"Can we go to your room?" he asked, and then sucked on her neck gently.
She inhaled a breath, catching a moan that tried to leave her mouth. She felt his lips curve against her neck before he dragged his tongue lower down her body.
Her room...
She has not had anyone in her room since...
She could feel the back of her eyes begin to burn. She closed them tightly, focusing on the physical pleasure that Syaoran was giving her. She grabbed his hair before he could reach her breast.
He looked up at her, eyes glazed with lust and a little of something she could not place her finger on.
"Okay," she said, smiling at him.
She placed her hands on his chest to push him up, but he grabbed her hands gently. "What's wrong? You're trembling," he said, gently squeezing her hands.
She noticed her hands trembling under his palms.
He brought them to his lips, kissing them. "Talk to me," he said gently when she gave no response.
"I-I..." she said, wondering if she could really tell him what was wrong.
She noticed over the course of two days that Syaoran was a jealous man and did not mind showing it. He was rude, cruel, and certainly did not mind hurting her when he was.
She looked him in the eyes, seeing the concern in them. "I..." She could not sour his mood, so she shook her head. "It's nothing. This moment just feels so intense for me," she said softly, telling the truth. She just hoped he would not want her to elaborate on the statement.
He kissed her lips long and softly, and then pulled away. "It is," he said.
He stood up and picked her up bridal style with ease.
She wrapped her arms around his neck, kissing it lightly. She felt that this was the least she could do since he had been taking care of her. Also, she wanted to do this; see if she could really do this to prove to herself that she was over her last lover; that he has no powerful hold on her anymore. So, she let Syaoran carry her to her room, receiving little kisses to her face on the way there.
Syaoran was turning out to be a very good person behind the thick layers of anger. It was like after every layer she peeled, there was more anger underneath. It seemed like she reached the last layer now. Seeing this side of him was a little scary.
As soon as her head hit the pillows on the bed, she took a deep breath, and then let it go.
"W-we don't have to do this if you don't want to," he said, stroking her cheek as he hovered over her body.
She looked at him. "No, I want to...I want you," she whispered the last part quietly with a blush on her cheeks.
He let out a frustrated groan and leaned down, capturing her lips in another passionate kiss.
She responded back, wrapping her arms around his neck.
He moaned against her mouth and then pulled back, so he could take his shirt off.
She stared at his built figure, admiring his toned physique. She wondered when he ever even finds the time to get a good work out in.
She pushed the thought to the back of her head and reminded herself to ask him later before she opened her big mouth again.
He smirked at her, seeming to notice her gawking. She looked away, face feeling like it could explode with the heat. Syaoran chuckled and then scooted down her body so he could face her stomach.
She sat up a little, holding herself up on her elbows to see him.
He looked up at her with a smile on his face. "Your skin is so beautiful," he said, almost in awe as his hand caressed her arms. "Its soft..."
She swallowed, watching him caressing her skin. Something was different this time. They had not talked the first time they were about to do this. He did not bother to compliment her like this. She noticed that this was getting out of hand.
Sakura placed her hands in his hair, gently grabbing his locks.
"No, let me do this," he said, grabbing her hands gently and pushing her to lay back down on the bed. "Do you trust me?" he asked.
She took a deep breath, closing her eyes. "Yes," she said without much thought into the question.
When his lips caressed her belly button lightly, she realized how much she meant it.
Syaoran kissed her stomach again before he dragged his tongue up her stomach to her right breast, increasing the ache between her legs. As soon as his mouth latched onto it, she moaned.
She closed her eyes tightly, trying her best not to be so vocal as he continued to suck. She wondered why this all felt so good; or if it was him, or her because she had not been involved with anyone for so long.
The intensity was building in her chest when she felt his hand slide between the waist band of her pajama pants and skin. He slid his fingers lower until his hand encountered her wet folds. He slid two fingers between them, and she could not hold the moan back any longer.
He released her nipple and came up to kiss her lips again while his fingers continued to tease her.
She could feel the tension building between her legs as she tried to focus on the kiss. His mouth kissed hers harder, fingers quickly stroking the pleasure bud.
She snatched her mouth from the kiss, calling out his name as she came when he never stopped the relentless rubbing. She felt him kiss her forehead before he stripped her from the rest of her clothes quickly. Before she came down from the euphoria, he was already positioning himself between her legs.
When did he take off his pants?
He kissed her sweaty forehead, nose, and then mouth briefly. "I'm going in," he said gently, swiping her damp bangs from her forehead.
She took a deep breath, calming her panting before she nodded.
He smiled at her and then pushed himself inside her fully. She moaned, clenching her walls around him uncontrollably. He sat still, caressing her knees. "God, I don't think I could ever get used to this," he said in a strained tone.
He pushed her legs open wider, so he could move his body to hover over hers.
She closed her eyes, biting her lip to hold back a moan. She had never been filled like this before and it felt so good.
When his face hung over hers, eyes locking with hers, she blushed at the intensity in his eyes.
"Sakura," he called softly. "I've never felt this good being inside of a woman."
She opened her mouth, but nothing came out, so he began to move inside her slowly. He leaned down and kissed her mouth, silencing the soft moans. She wrapped her arms around his body, holding onto him as he thrust in and out of her slowly.
She liked this a lot, but she needed more. This pace only increased the ache, so she needed him to go harder and faster to get rid of it.
She pulled her lips from his, panting with each thrust he gave. Her hips began to move against his more, hoping he would take the hint.
He groaned, burying his face between her neck. "Do you want something?" he asked against her skin in a teasing tone. Her face lit up and she stopped moving her hips.
His breath fanned against her skin as he chuckled. His hips slowed down too, almost to the point of pain for her. She groaned, releasing his neck.
He chuckled. "Tell me what you want," he said in a husky voice, increasing the speed of his thrusts.
She did not say a word, panting loudly with each thrust before he slowed down again. "Harder," she said quietly.
"What?" he asked teasingly.
She sighed loudly, frustrated with him. "Harder," she almost whined.
His pelvis met hers harder, giving him another moan from her.
Feeling encouraged by the reward, she moaned, "Faster."
He groaned and increased the speed of his hips immediately. He leaned down and kissed her passionately as their bodies continued to move against each other's.
Sakura held on to him tightly as she noticed the rhythm of his thrusts turn into passionate ones. And then, they would become very intense and overwhelming, emitting noises from her that she never knew existed.
This was not just sex anymore. Even she knew that. It may have been the way he kissed her, or the feel of his body against hers, but she knew that he was not just thinking this was sex.
The way his face contorted and his fingers caressing any skin they could said otherwise. The way he kissed her with this much intensity told her that this was not just about sex anymore.
Her hands slid up his back, into his hair, grabbing the locks tightly as she kissed him back passionately.
It was not long after they finished before Syaoran's body slouched against hers.
When their breaths started to come in even pants, Syaoran moved his body from hers so he could lay beside her.
Sakura felt exhausted and highly doubted that she would be able to stay awake tonight.
She took a deep breath and turned over to him. She grabbed his arm tightly and laid her head on his shoulder.
He shifted beside her, appearing shocked by the act.
"Don't leave, okay?" she asked softly, remembering him ask her that the first night they had sex.
"Of course not." He pulled his arm back from her and then wrapped it around her body to pull her flush against him.
She wrapped her arm around his chest, holding on to him tightly. "If you wake up, wake me up with you. If you want water, or anything, wake me. If you even have to go to the bathroom, tell me and I'll go with you. When you wake up for work, wake me with you. Just... please don't leave me in here alone," she said quietly.
She knew how desperate and crazy she sounded but letting him stay here meant facing her past.
She had not slept in the same room with anyone since he left her. And Syaoran was still here after giving her the best sex she ever had, so there was no way she could kick him out.
She could go one or two nights without sleep as she did for these last two nights, but, not tonight. She had been exhausted all day, and then they just had sex, so she needed to rest.
If he wanted to stay here, it would have to be by her own terms, though.
Syaoran stroked her arms and kissed her head. "Okay, I'll be here all night. Let's get some sleep," he said gently.
She smiled and laid her head on his chest.
As soon as she closed her eyes, she passed out.
"Sakura," she heard a voice call her name.
Her lip twitched, and she cuddled up against the object she was holding. She was purposely ignoring the voice that kept calling her name.
She had not slept in the last two days, and before this, she had not slept peacefully in the past few years like she had last night. So, she did not mind acting like a stubborn child who does not want to get up for school.
"Sakura," the soothing voice called again.
As soon as a masculine hand grabbed her shoulder gently, she bolted up, and slapped the hand away hard.
Her eyes opened, looking at the direction of the hand with a glare on her face. She stopped when her eyes locked with gentle, caring ambers.
"What's wrong? You're trembling," Syaoran said softly.
"I-it's nothing. You just frightened me," she said, eyes taking in his appearance.
A frown formed on her lips when she saw him fully dressed and sitting on the edge of the bed beside her. "You didn't wake me," she said eerily, feeling anger rise in her chest.
"I couldn't. You looked so peaceful," he said with a smile.
Her frown deepened, and she grabbed the sheets, so she could cover her naked form and scoot off the bed. She did not want to be in his presence right now. She felt angry, hurt, and scared, almost to death.
He grabbed the sheets, halting her tracks of getting out of it.
She huffed loudly, dropping the sheets, not caring about him seeing her anymore. She nearly stomped to the bathroom angrily.
She started to slam the door shut, but a hand stopped it from shutting. She let out a frustrated growl and pulled against the handle to close it, but it would not budge with his firm hold on it.
She stopped when he yanked it open roughly. Stubbornly, she turned away from him, folding her arms over her bare chest, feeling angry tears burn her eyes.
He touched her shoulders, but she shoved his hand away. "What the hell is going on?" he asked, forcing her body to turn towards him.
She glared at him. "I told you to wake me if you had anything to do. And now, you're all dressed which means that you left my house to go to yours without telling me! You've showered, dressed, probably ate, and—"
She stopped, realizing all the possibilities like, what if she had woken to see him gone? Or, what would have happened if she had not woken? How had she not woken up?
The back of her eyes began to burn before she slammed her fist against his chest hard. "Leave! I don't want to ever see you again!" she yelled, hitting his chest again.
He grabbed her wrist tightly, brows scrunched together in confusion. "What's wrong?" he asked, pulling her into a hug.
She struggled, pushing against his chest hard. "Let go, you bastard! I trusted you! Trusted you enough to sleep in the same room as you and you—" she choked back a sob, shaking her head vigorously.
She could not believe that she trusted him. She asked him to do one thing, and he failed to comprehend what she meant.
She just wanted to sleep peacefully for once, which she did, but he still did not abide by her rules. And that hurt more than anything in the world.
"I don't want to ever see you again!" she whisper-yelled, feeling the dam break loose in her eyes.
Syaoran loosened his grip on her body but kept a hold of her body. "That's not an option anymore," he said sternly.
She let out another frustrated sound. "Just, please leave. I don't want to see you anymore," she said tightly. She hated when he is this stubborn.
"Sakura—"
"No! Get the hell out of my place!" she yelled, pushing against his chest hard.
He stumbled back into the door hard. He looked at her with a dangerous glare that sent unpleasant, fearful chills down her body. He walked towards her, making her cower, so he stopped. "I'm not leaving until you tell me what's wrong," he said in a similar tone.
She could tell that he was trying to control his anger and frustration. "You! You're what's wrong! I trusted you to do one thing," she said the last part sadly.
"What's the big deal? I'm here now, and I woke you up before leaving to let you know. I have to be at work soon, and I didn't want to bother you with meaningless issues. You looked so peaceful and like you needed the rest, so I let you get the rest." He moved closer to her, grabbing her face gently so she could look at him.
She looked in his eyes, seeing the reflection of her glistening eyes. She yanked her head from his grip, so she could look away. "You're such a heartless bastard. This was not meaningless!" She let out a sob, frustrated with her own emotions. It was always hard to control them with things like this. "I don't want to talk to you anymore. I don't even want to see you!"
"Sakura, we need to talk about thi—"
"I want Akinari," she said quietly.
Immediately, his hand dropped from her face. "What?" he asked disbelievingly.
"That's who I want right now. So... leave," she said shakily.
She knew that she was being cruel right now, but she really wanted him gone. Akinari was her therapist and he helped her with things like this, so he is who she needed.
She could see his fists clench at his side before he let out a frustrated sigh. "So, you're just going to use me like I'm shit and run off into another man's arms?" he asked tightly.
She looked at him, surprised by the question. "I didn't use you. I trusted you, asshole!" she yelled.
"Trusted me with what?! What the hell, Sakura? I'm so confused," he said.
She shook her head, releasing a loud sob. "Just leave!" she said, hitting his chest again, but weaker this time.
He grabbed her wrist and then took a deep breath before he released it. "Okay. You know what? Fuck it. I don't know what the hell your problem is right now, but you're not just going to try and stop seeing me. I'll leave," he said, tightening his grip around her wrist, but not to the point of pain.
"Please," she whispered.
He leaned down and closed the gap between their lips in a bruising kiss.
Before she could even think to respond to it, he was already storming out of the bathroom, slamming the door shut behind him.
When she heard her apartment door slam shut, she dropped to the floor and burst into tears.
She had not meant to be so mean, but he disregarded her request. It hurt more than she expected it to because, what if she had woken up when he was gone?
She could not find the answer for the question, and that was why she needed to talk to Akinari.
With that thought in mind, she stood from the bathroom floor, wiping the tears from her face. She walked over to the shower, trying her best to hold in the sobs by biting her lip, but it was not working. She stepped in the shower, turning the water on. She closed her eyes tightly, feeling the water hit against her sore muscles.
More tears rolled down her cheeks as she remembered the night they shared.
She had been so cruel...
She wiped at her eyes vigorously with her wet hands to get rid of the tears. To make herself feel better, she reasoned that he deserved that treatment.
She could not even begin to think how she would ever trust him again.
She quickly showered and left to get dressed, feeling anger course through her blood.
As soon as she finished dressing, she went straight to Tomoeda Central hospital.
She nearly ran through the halls and doors, looking for Akinari's office.
When she faced the door, she calmly knocked on the door, not wanting to interrupt anything important.
The door opened, revealing her best friend in his lab coat.
Her heart warmed, and she jumped into his arms, hugging him tightly.
"Woah, what's going on?" he asked, stumbling back a little. He wrapped his arms around her small frame, pulling her inside his office.
She heard the door close behind them as he led her over to the couch that is located in the middle of the room.
"It happened again. It happened again!" she exclaimed into his chest, wetting his shirt with her tears.
He caressed her back as he gently pushed her to sit on the couch. "What happened again?"
"I..." She paused, wondering what she could say to him. She had not planned to give away her secret so fast, but now...
"I slept with him," she said.
She felt him freeze beside her before he released her, so they could look at each other. "What?" he asked disbelievingly.
"No. We...slept in the same room together," she corrected, not reading his reaction correctly. She had to tread lightly, even if she was feeling like an emotional wreck right now.
"How the hell did that happen? Sakura—"
"No! Just...hear me out..." she said brokenly. "Saturday night, we went back to my place because I did have something to tell him, and I did tell him. He…just stayed the night, but we didn't fall asleep together. Well, he did...but I didn't—" She stopped, looking at him. "Don't give me that look..."
"Sakura, you know better than I do about this kind of stuff. Are you trying to ruin your career?" he asked, voice rising a bit.
"Please, Aki. I don't need you to be against me right now, too," she said, giving him a desperate look.
"I'm not against you, but—"
"I lost a patient!" she interrupted, tired of hearing this conversation run around in circles.
His eyes widened, so she looked away. "She…committed suicide...so...I found comfort in Syaoran because I know that he understands. He loses people every day..."
"And uses sex to make himself feel better?"
"Don't do that! That's not what we did Saturday night," she said with tears filling her eyes.
"Do you expect me to believe that, that son of a bitch didn't take advantage of your drunken state?" he said, standing from the couch with a scowl on his face.
She grabbed his arm, stopping him. "He didn't. I swear...he was very kind and gentle. And he made sure that I got in safe and he took care of me." Her cheeks warmed, thinking about that night. "He didn't take advantage of me. I would have told you if he did, and you know that."
He sighed in relief, sitting back down beside her. He wrapped his arm around her shoulder again, pulling her close to him. "Thank God. If I ever find out that the son of a bitch has done anything to hurt you, I'll kill him."
At that statement, Sakura knew she could not tell him that Syaoran and her had been having sex.
"Of course," she said quietly.
He released her and then turned towards her. "Does that explain Saturday night and your behavior? Why didn't you tell me what was wrong?" he asked with a frown on his face.
She shook her head. "You wouldn't have understood. You still can't, but..."
"What happened, Sakura?" he asked, seeming to notice her hesitancy to bring up what really happened.
So, she told him everything that happened for the last two days without the details of their intimacy spent together.
"Damn it, Sakura. What are you doing?" he asked, running his hand through his hair. He looked frustrated with her.
"I don't know," she said sadly. "I need you to tell me."
"You do know, Sakura. You're just refusing to acknowledge it," he said disappointedly.
Her eyes watered again, heart wrenching at his tone. "Please...just...tell me what to do," she said desperately.
"You already know what you have to do."
"I don't. Just give me the answers! What do I have to do to get rid of this awful feeling?"
"End the sessions, Sakura. If you're refusing to do that, draw a line, then. He shouldn't have been in your house to begin with, and he shouldn't be your friend. You know that," he said, frustrated. "Your patients aren't your friends. You can be their friend, but not the other way around. Sakura, you know this."
She knew he meant no harm, but she just wanted validity of the wrong things right now. She wanted him to tell her that she was making the right decisions, even though she knew that she was not; that she had not done anything wrong this time. Or, perhaps she just wanted him to tell her this was not her fault.
"It's hard to explain," she said in a shaky voice.
"You like him, Sakura. I get that, but you know you're not emotionally ready for this kind of thing. And, with a patient? I really don't want things to turn out bad for you, but please, tread lightly before you end up doing something you might regret."
I know.
"Think with your head, not your heart. You love your job, right?"
Of course.
"I know you do, but do you really think getting involved with a patient is worth ruining your career?"
Of course not.
"Of course, you don't. Just...please, Sakura. You're great. Really great, and you're really smart. Don't do anything that could ruin you again."
She held onto him tighter, nodding her head. "I know...it was stupid to invite him over in my vulnerable state. But...all I could think about was seeking comfort in him because he understands."
He caressed her hair. "I know. I'm not chastising you for feeling that way. But, you have to think logically too, Saks. You know the things that triggers you, so you avoid those things until you feel like you're ready to face those situations. Not with a patient, but anyone you find yourself interested in. If sleeping in the same bed with another person triggers you, don't force yourself, or let anyone force you into that predicament."
"I told you, he didn't force me to sleep with him. We were talking about—"
"I'm not saying he did. I'm just saying...be cautious is all."
She nodded. "I will. It's just...that was the first time I had slept peacefully within the last few years since Tokyo."
Akinari released her so he could look her in the eyes.
Her cheeks warmed, feeling uncomfortable with the attention he was giving her.
"Tell me. Why do you like him?"
For some reason, she knew where this conversation was going before it even started. But, she felt willing to continue it.
"It's a problem," she said quietly.
"You're finding comfort in him?"
She did not feel surprised that he asked that. After all, it was semi-true.
"It started that way, but he's...nice. He's a really good person, but he's just an angry man. I've seen the good side of him. He has a sense of humor and he's a gentleman," she said, looking at him.
"Sakura, you're in a danger zone right now." He looked like he wanted to say something else.
"I know, Aki. I'm not in love with him. I know the difference between appreciating a person with an enjoyable character versus being in love," she said honestly.
"I believe you."
She smiled a little, feeling better than she had at the start of the conversation. "I just...I can't believe I let myself trust anyone so easily," she said, shaking her head disbelievingly.
"If you decide that you want to settle down one day, you're going to have to. You do know that, right?" he asked.
She nodded against his shoulder.
"Not with Li-kun, or any other patient though. But, someone you'll fall in love with and want to settle down with."
She heard exactly what he was trying to convey. "I won't end my career for him, okay?" she said. "Even if I wanted to, I wouldn't let myself."
"I know that, Sakura. I just...I don't trust him. I respect him as my boss and for the things that he's done, but I can't let him hurt you. He can hurt anyone he wants, but not you..." he said, holding her tightly.
"That's selfish to all the other women," Sakura said with a pout.
"It is, but you know how I feel when it comes to you," he said, winking at her.
She pushed against his shoulder playfully. "Shut up."
He chuckled, placing a kiss on the side of her head. "I know. You're like the friend some kind of god sent me," he said with a smile.
She giggled. She knew that he meant it. She was glad that he was so understanding.
She knew that Akinari was fully aware that she was not ready for a relationship, nor did he want to ruin their long-lasting friendship with feelings.
There was once a time where they tried to kiss, but felt weird about it, and then agreed that their relationship would never get far. So, Sakura knew that if he ever said anything remotely close to having any kind of feelings, it was in a joking or friendly manner.
"Out of curiosity, do you personally hate Syaoran?" she asked softly.
She could not help but wonder if something had gone down between the two without her knowing.
She briefly remembered Syaoran trying to pick a fight with him on Saturday night. Also, Syaoran would always show discomfort whenever she brought him up.
Then, Akinari would become upset and protective whenever Syaoran's name was brought into the topic about her.
She wondered if she missed something.
He released her and then sat back on the couch. "No. I just know how he is."
"Which is?"
"You said that you kicked him out this morning after finding out he didn't wake you, right?"
Sakura frowned, wondering why he would bring that up when she expressed how hurt and upset she had been by that. "What about it?"
"Most likely, he's upset as well because he didn't get his way, so guess what he's probably doing right now?"
It took her a minute to understand what he was trying to say until it hit her hard. "He wouldn't use sex to make himself feel better," she said, not believing a single word she spoke.
"Are you sure, Sakura?" he asked.
She sighed, standing from the couch. "He wouldn't. We've talked about ways he can cope with his emotions instead of using sex," Sakura said.
Why is it so hard to believe, though?
"Are you sure, Sakura?" he asked again, raising a brow.
She huffed, reaching for her bag. "He wouldn't. Look, thanks for the help...you really made me feel a little better, but I have to get going. I have patients today," she lied.
"Don't you think you should take a few days off—?"
"I'm fine, Aki. I'll see you later," she said, kissing his cheek before she rushed out of the room.
She hated when Akinari would be right. And for some reason, she felt that he was right about this too.
She blindly walked down the halls, looking for any signs of Syaoran.
It's just to prove Aki wrong.
She chanted this over and over in her head until she spotted chestnut hair.
He was dressed in the clothes he had on earlier with a lab coat on and a clipboard in his hand.
She looked at the person he was talking to and stared at the woman longer than normal. It was the same woman she saw him try to sleep with the day Touya had woken up.
She swallowed, staring at the two talking.
Syaoran's face gave away no signs if they were talking about sleeping together, or if they already had.
The woman on the other hand seemed to be fidgeting and blushing like a schoolgirl.
Sakura stared for a little while, taking in the emotions that she felt right now. If anything, she felt disappointed, but did not want to jump to any conclusions unless he told her otherwise.
It was only when Syaoran turned in her direction that she noticed how creepy she looked, standing there staring at the two.
He seemed to be as surprised as she had been for being caught staring.
It had only been two hours since they saw each other, yet she felt as if it had been longer.
She noticed him wrapping up the conversation with the woman before he started walking towards her.
Sakura nervously fidgeted with her hands, contemplating if she should run or act like an adult. She could not even remember why she came looking for him anymore.
"What are you doing here?" he almost whispered, glancing around the floor they were on.
There was a handful of people around, but everyone was occupied with their jobs. Some were in a rush, but for the most part, everyone was occupied.
"Come on."
He was already walking ahead of her before she could even respond.
She rushed after him, feeling obligated to.
When they settled in the elevator with a few other people, she was sure to keep a comfortable distance between them.
She felt nervous, not knowing what they would talk about when they got to his office. She knew what they would and would not do when they got there.
She was still upset with him, so surely, she was not giving anything to him.
In all honesty, she just wanted to know if he slept with anyone else today after their night spent together.
The elevator doors opened, so they stepped out with a few other people. They walked in an uncomfortable silence until they reached the familiar door.
He opened the door, motioning her to walk in first, which she did.
As soon as the door closed, he turned to her with a concerned look on his face.
"Are you ready to tell me what the hell has been up your ass now?" he asked, staring at her.
She had to bite her tongue at the question, unless she was ready to bark at him, which she was not.
Instead, she sighed. "Have you had sex with anyone today?"
He looked at her confused. "What?"
His hesitancy caused her curiosity to increase. "Have you slept with anyone today?" she asked.
"No," he said with a straight face.
"Prove it," she said testily.
"What the hell, Sakura—?"
"I'm leaving then," she said, turning for the door.
Before she could fully turn, he had already grabbed her wrist tightly, forcing her to turn back to him. "You're not leaving until we settle this," he said in a demanding tone.
"Prove it then!" she exclaimed.
"I...I don't know how, Sakura. You can ask everyone in this hospital if you want to, but I swear that I haven't. In fact, I haven't even looked in the direction of another woman since we began sleeping with each other," he said, pulling her body closer to his.
She ignored the stirring in her chest and pulled away stubbornly. "Back there?" she asked.
She could admit that she sounded like a jealous girlfriend, but she wanted to know that her efforts in helping him were not going to waste. Or, so she convinced herself of this.
"She was showing me her patient's charts, but that's all. I swear that I haven't slept with anyone today. I didn't even think about it, even though I've been upset about you treating me that way this morning," he said, staring at her seriously as his hand slid down from her wrist to her hands so he could grab them.
She pulled her hands back from his before she sighed. "Okay," she said, still not believing him.
"Now, tell me the problem," he said, grabbing her hands again.
She sighed, giving up.
The man can be so persistent.
"You lied to me. You told me you'd wake me," she said in a soft, quiet voice.
"I'm sorry, Sakura. If I had known that I needed to, I would have, okay? You looked so peaceful like you hadn't slept in ages, so I couldn't wake you up. What's the problem with that?" he asked gently.
"I..."
She knew that she would have to tell him this little piece of information about herself if they were going to continue whatever this was.
"I can't sle—"
His pager went off, interrupting them.
He sighed, leaning down to kiss her briefly. "Could we talk about this later?" he asked.
She nodded, feeling a little disappointed, but relieved at once.
Just when she was ready to open up.
Without thinking, she grabbed his wrist. "Wait..."
He stopped, looking at her with a raised brow.
She swallowed, not knowing what had come over her. She grabbed his shoulder, pulling him down to her height so her lips could hover directly over his neck.
She pulled the top of his collar down a bit, and then wrapped her lips around the curve of his neck tightly. She sucked against the slightly rough, but soft skin, hard.
She faintly heard him moan and felt him wrap his hand around her waist, pulling her closer as she sucked hard.
She nipped it one time before she licked it, soothing the pain, and then releasing his neck. She observed the bruise mark, feeling a little satisfied with herself.
When he pulled back, she could see the lust in his eyes. He leaned down, kissing her lips hard, but his pager went off.
He pulled back with a groan. "Shit...I want you in this room so badly right now." He released her. "Could you wait here until I'm done, or what are doing when you leave here?"
She licked her lips, and he groaned like a hormonal teenage guy. "I-I don't know—I mean, no," she said, remembering the things that she said they would not do. "I can't stay."
He looked disappointed but nodded. "Where are you going?"
"I don't know. Not to my place...I can't be there right now," she said quietly.
He reached into his lab coat, grabbing out a key. "Here," he said, handing it to her.
She looked at it strange, taking it from him.
"Stay at my apartment. I have a couch, TV, and bed. And, I trust you," he said, leaning down to kiss her forehead.
When his pager went off again, he bid her goodbye quickly and then rushed out the room.
She looked down at the key, not believing he had just given her the key to his apartment.
Sakura cuddled up to the pillow on the couch, looking at the program on the TV.
She had been sitting here, staring at the TV for the past five hours, and she still had no clue what she was looking at. Her mind was somewhere else, so the program was only on to increase Syaoran's electricity bill.
She took his advice and came to his apartment after she left the hospital. She tried to come up with different things she could do, but she would always conclude that she would end up an emotional wreck in the end.
She wanted to hang out with Tomoyo but knew that she would just trouble her best friend. And then, she thought about sitting at the hospital all day, but realized how depressed she would be.
People died in that place almost every day, so there was no way she could sit there and wait around for Syaoran, while being reminded that people were dying. Besides, she still felt upset with him for leaving her this morning.
At the thought, her arms tightened around the pillow she was holding. She wanted to wreck his home but knew better than to. He gave her the key to his home, trusting that she would not harm a single thing.
Since she did not want to be like him, she decided to be on her best behavior, and not wanting to lose his trust. It had already taken her a long time to get it, to begin with. So, keeping the house nice and neat would do her some justice.
Her phone buzzed beside her, signaling a text coming through.
She ignored it, fearing that she might get an unexpected text as she had a few days ago. She could not afford to hear any news about anyone else dying, so she did not want to take a risk by looking at the phone.
Her phone began to ring, leaving her with no choice but to check it. It was Syaoran.
"Hello?" she answered softly.
"Did you get in?" he asked.
It had been five hours since she got here, and he was just now asking.
How ironic.
"Yes."
"Good. Go and look outside the door," he said.
"I can't," she said. She felt too lazy right now. It had been a long time since she had the chance to laze around.
He chuckled. "Just look when you get the chance. I have to go," he said.
"Okay."
"I'll see you tonight when I get off," he said.
She did not say anything for a minute, contemplating if she was going to be here still.
Probably not.
"Okay."
And the call ended.
Deciding that she had laid here for too long, she stood from the couch, stretching her sore muscles.
She had walked straight in his home, to the couch and just stared at the TV blandly all day. She never felt good about doing such a thing until now.
She began to walk around the house, looking for anything that could entertain her. The television served no real purpose for her, obviously.
After the long search for entertainment, she settled for his room and closed the door behind her. She looked at everything she could see in the room, searching for something she could find about him. It could be anything, at this point.
She just wanted to learn more about him, even though he was more willing to talk with her. So, she reasoned that maybe she just wanted to snoop and find something more.
In the end, she did not find anything, which made her wonder if he had any secrets that he kept hidden somewhere.
But, where?
When she noticed her behavior, she stopped looking. She was acting out of character, and it almost made her cringe.
She left his room, deciding to end the adventure of finding out the secrets of Li Syaoran.
She could be patient and wait until he told her what he wanted her to know.
When she noticed her demeanor beginning to soften towards him, she chastised herself, remembering that she was still upset with him; and that she does not trust him anymore.
For all she knew, he was at the hospital sleeping with another woman right now.
She huffed, propping herself back down on the couch. At least the woman would see the marks, she told herself. The big, beautiful purple bruise that would show all that he was claimed.
She flipped through the channels for a while before she remembered that he had told her to look outside. So, she stood from the couch and headed for the door. She opened the door, looking for whatever he was talking about, but there was nothing there.
She stepped out the door but stopped when her foot encountered a crunching sound. She looked down, eyes widening at what she saw.
It was a wrapped bouquet of roses with chocolate hearts leaning against it.
The familiar stir in her stomach reminded her of the yesteryears with another certain someone, but she pushed the thought of the man to the back of her head.
This feeling felt a little different with Syaoran. She was not sure what it is, but it was different from the emotion that she felt for her ex.
She leaned down and picked up the bouquet and the heart-shaped box of chocolates. She brought them into the apartment, closing the door behind her. She locked it, and then headed back to the living room.
She sat down and took the envelope that was strapped down by the red ribbons. She tore the envelope and took out the card.
'I know you're probably thinking this is so cliché, but I don't care. Well, not a lot, anyway. I just wanted to do something that could make you feel a little better. This probably won't but reading it will surely get your mind from things that you don't want it to be on. I know that I've been an asshole from the very beginning of our encounters, but I want to make it up to you somehow. So, I'm really sorry about leaving you this morning. If I had known that waking up next to me meant so much to you, I wouldn't have left you like that. I hope that you can consider forgiving me for my stupid, terrible ways. I'm trying to be better…if not for me, then for you. It's the least I can do to make up for everything else that I've done. Hopefully, I can see you tonight when I get off, and I promise that I'll make up for my stupid behavior. I'm being paged right now, so I have to end this here.'
Her eyes scrolled through the letter, looking for something else, but there was nothing else there.
She held on to the letter tightly, feeling a small smile tug at her lips. She could not help but feel flattered by the effort that he was putting into their relationship, even though they were not together.
Akinari had just warned her to tread lightly and think logically, but she could not help but push it to the side for now. Eventually, she would end this with him, but it would only be when she felt that he was ready to function on his own. After that, she would stop all of this before she ended her own career.
She picked up her phone, pressing his chat box.
'Thanks for the chocolate. I need to talk to you about something important when you get here.'
Once the message delivered, she laid back over on the couch, grabbing the box of chocolate. She opened it and took one of the chocolate out to eat. When she swallowed it, she noticed that her taste buds were not working.
She sighed, closing her eyes. It took her a few minutes to decide this, but she finally came up with a solution.
If she wanted to get better and keep Syaoran around, she would have to talk to him. She would have to tell him a little about her past, so he could avoid doing things like he did this morning.
That was the only way this could work.
A/N: Thank you guys so much for the support! Even though I've been extremely busy for the last few weeks, I've still tried to put in the effort to write the story, so I hope that this was an enjoyable chapter and not just something thrown together because I've been busy non-stop lol. As always, thanks to my awesome beta, theDeviantMe, as this chapter wouldn't be out right now because of her :).
Anyway, what did you guys think about Sakura's point of view? I don't think I've ever written an entire chapter in her point of view in this story, so it felt a little weird doing it here :).
I can't guarantee the next update, but after next week, maybe thing's will wind down a bit and I'll have mercy on my side and get the chance to write a lot more. Writing is so much better than real life...haha.
Ja ne!