"When Pain Brings Happiness"
Syaoran sat in his car, patiently waiting for Sakura to come down from her apartment. For some reason, it felt like she was taking an incredibly long time.
When he arrived, he had given her a call and she convinced him to stay in the car and said that she would be down shortly.
That was already five minutes ago, so he was beginning to wonder if she had forgotten that he was sitting here, waiting for her.
It had been three days since he last saw her, and now she was just prolonging the time by not coming here.
He would not be able to stay out late tonight, because he had to work early in the morning, so he wanted to spend as much time with her as possible.
He sighed, picking up his phone to check and see if she had sent him a message, informing him that she could not do it.
He looked around the parking lot, spotting her car. She was at her apartment, so he could not understand why she had not come down yet.
Another five minutes passed before he decided that he waited long enough. He turned the car off and stepped out of it. He walked up the steps, heading straight to her apartment number that he had memorized now.
Just as he reached the top, the door opened to her room, stopping him in his tracks as his eyes trained on her figure.
His mouth went dry, not being able to form a coherent thought, or sentence at her appearance.
She had on a low-cut, black dress that stuck to her skin like a second coat of skin. The middle of the dress revealed her flat stomach, and the rest of the dress reached the middle of her thighs.
He closed his mouth, feeling like he would drool like a fool in front of the one woman he wanted to impress.
When he heard a throat being cleared, his eyes shifted up to her face, seeing her short hair curled a bit. Her face had on very little makeup, but enough for him to be able to tell that she had some on.
"Too much?" Sakura asked.
His breath caught in his throat and he shook his head, feeling his face heat up even more.
She smiled at him kindly and walked over to him. She grabbed his hand, causing a wave of electricity to shoot up his body at the contact. "Sorry for the long wait," she apologized.
He swallowed, shaking his head before interlocking their fingers together. "No problem. I just got a little worried," he said sheepishly.
She squeezed his hand, making his heart flutter at the act. "I'm sorry. I got caught up…" she said softly.
He nodded, and then they walked down the steps together in a comfortable silence. He was afraid that she might hear his raging heart beating loud.
He opened his car door for her, letting her get inside before he closed the door behind her.
He walked to the other side, settling in the seat beside her, and then took a deep breath. "Sakura," he called, eyes landing on her lips that were the color of blood because of the lipstick she had on.
"What is it?" she asked. "My eyes are right here."
He blushed at that statement before letting his eyes travel up until they met her eyes. "U-uh…" he stuttered, feeling like a foolish teenage guy on his first date.
They had been on dates a few times before this one, but something felt different this time. Maybe it was the fact that they were going somewhere public this time without him having to try and convince her to do it. Or, it could be that he did not have to rent out an entire place, so no one would know of their relation together.
He was not sure what it was, but he liked the feeling, a lot.
"That outfit looks nice," he said.
A light shade of pink tainted her cheeks before she smiled. "Thanks. Tomoyo designed it," she said shyly.
"Daidouji?" he questioned.
"Yeah, she designs for a living," Sakura said.
He hummed, and then turned the car on before pulling out of the parking spot.
The ride to the club was peaceful, filled with conversations about Sakura's day with her patients.
As soon as they pulled up and Syaoran turned the car off, he turned to her with a desperate look on his face. "A-a kiss…." he said nervously. "Please, can I just have one kiss?"
Her eyes widened, staring into his deep amber ones. "W-what's wrong?" she asked uncertainly.
"I know that you won't let me in any public places, but I…I just really need to have a taste of you before we go in there. You're already tempting me with that outfit…"
Her cheeks colored when his eyes dragged across her body hungrily. "Y-you—"
He gently grabbed her hand, pulling her hand to motion for her to come over to him. "Sakura," he called, almost hearing the plea in his own tone as he said her name.
She let out a soft sigh before a smile formed across her lips and she leaned over to let him kiss her.
It was a quick, chaste kiss, because she was already pulling back from his lips before he could even respond properly.
He could feel a pout come on his lips uncontrollably. "That was barely a kiss," he said grouchily.
"It was a good enough kiss because you have lipstick on your lips now," she said.
Syaoran was quick to wipe his lips after that statement, forgetting that she does have lipstick on.
She giggled beside him before opening the door.
After he finished wiping his mouth off, he got out the car with her, coming straight to her side.
She made sure to keep a distance between them, slightly annoying him. He thought she had gotten past this part of being in public with him.
He could not help but have a million different questions in his head about her behavior with him in public. Like, was she ashamed of him? Or, was she still thinking that everyone knew that she was his therapist and she could get in trouble?
The list could go on, but he found the answer to none of those questions the closer they got to the doors of the club.
"What's wrong?" she asked, snapping him out of his thoughts.
"You're ashamed of me, aren't you?" he asked, deciding to get the conversation over with.
He found no point in dealing with this stress alone when he could talk to her about it to put his mind at ease.
She stopped walking, making him stop as well. "What do you mean?" she asked.
"You're acting…distant now that we're in public together," he said quietly.
She was quiet for a moment, making him assume that he was correct about her being ashamed.
"How?" she finally asked.
He grabbed her hand, but she instantly pulled it back on instinct, hurting him more than he thought it would. "That's how," he said quietly.
She frowned, sighing loudly. "We have no reason to display such affection in public," she said in a reasoning tone.
It was his turn to frown now. "What's that supposed to mean?" he asked.
"It just means…we aren't together, so there's no reason for us to act like we are," she said quietly.
"Oh, so we're 'together' when we're alone, but not when people can see?" he asked testily.
She let out another sigh, seeming to detect his annoyance. "Syaoran, can we not do this tonight?" she asked sadly.
"No, I want answers, Sakura. I admitted that I like you the other day," he said, remembering how she had avoided his confession of being interested in her.
That had hurt him, but she somehow made him forget about her not responding to his feelings with another statement she made.
"You did," she said softly. "Can we not talk about that here, though? We were supposed to have a conversation about other things tonight," she said softly.
"Oh, you don't want to have this conversation because we're in public then?" he asked.
She sighed again, sounding annoyed now. "Will you stop that? I'm not ashamed of you," she said with a frown on her face.
"Hold my hand then, right now," he said.
"Why?"
"Why'd you hold it when we were at your place?" he asked, sounding a little mad now.
"Syaoran, please…I really don't want to argue tonight," she said.
"Then, answer the damn question," he said, annoyed that she was avoiding the question now.
He had wanted to see her, but he was still on edge about everything today. Especially with his cousin so close.
He missed Sakura and wanted to see her and knew that seeing her would make him feel happy again. But now, she was acting weird when she had been the one to suggest going out for drinks.
"Do you like me, Sakura?" he decided to ask, wanting to know this answer more than anything else.
"Of course, I do. Why else would I sleep with you?" she asked with a frown on her face.
His heart untightened in his chest, feeling relieved that, that was out in the open now. "Not as just a patient, right?" he asked to get a little more reassurance.
She sighed. "Do you still think I sleep with my patients?" she asked, sounding annoyed with him now. "I thought you said that you trust me."
"I do," he said, meaning it, though his heart ached with jealousy at the thought of her sleeping with someone else. "I promise, I do, but I just wanted reassurance that you like me more than a patient."
She was quiet for a moment before murmuring something under her breath that he could not catch.
"What is it?" he asked.
"Maybe I shouldn't have asked you out tonight," she said.
He ran a frustrated hand through his hair. "Why? Because you like me?" he asked.
"No, because this would give you false hope that we could—" She stopped.
"That we could what?" he asked, already assuming what she would say.
"Nothing—"
"What the hell, Sakura?" he said frustrated.
"Look, can we just…" she sighed as if she did not know what to say. "Let's just enjoy this night together…as friends," she said.
He frowned, feeling like she was putting him in the friend zone now. "Why? You know how I feel about you," he said.
"I do."
He looked at her, waiting for her to say more, but it never came.
"What's wrong?" he asked, knowing that something was clearly bothering her now.
"Nothing," she said stubbornly.
"Bullshit. What's going on? I thought we were being honest with each other," he said sadly.
"Then, why aren't you being honest with me?" she retorted.
"What?" he asked confused now.
"You haven't told me everything I want to know," she said accusingly.
His brows scrunched together in confusion. "What?"
"What are the other reasons that you don't want Meilin-san here?" she asked.
"What the hell did that bitch tell you?" he asked angrily, already coming up with several things she could have told Sakura.
This was exactly why he did not want his cousin around. She always ran her mouth too much about everything.
"What do you mean? What don't I know, Syaoran? I thought you said that you weren't hiding anything," she said accusingly, again.
"I—" he stopped, wondering what was really wrong with Sakura.
"What's going on, Sakura?" he asked again, wanting to get to the bottom of her change in attitude suddenly.
"If you're not going to tell me, there's no point in us being out together right now," she said, getting ready to walk back to the car.
Before she could get far, he was already chasing after her, stopping her from going any further. "Wait, wait, wait," he said, holding on to her arm.
"No, Syaoran. I'm done with this—"
"What's this about, Sakura? What happened? Why are you changing up on me now?" he asked sadly, pulling her to his body.
He imagined feeling her body against him tonight all day, but not in this situation. He did not expect himself to hold her back from leaving him here.
She relaxed in his arms immediately but pushed back from his body gently. "I'm not comfortable…" she said softly.
He looked at her face, confused now. "What?"
"I didn't think anything about it today when I first suggested going out for drinks…" she said, stepping back from him a bit. "I just…it was just supposed to be friends going out, but I forgot that we don't do that; we don't, just act like friends…"
He stared at her, wondering where she was going with this. Quite frankly, he was starting to get a little scared that she was trying to end whatever they had going on. He was not ready for that yet.
"What's uncomfortable? Tell me, and I'll fix it for you," he said in a concerned tone.
"You've slept with so many women…" she said in a small voice.
His heart tightened at that reminder, feeling like it could rip apart. "I'm not sleeping with anyone else but you, Sakura," he said truthfully. "That was the past."
"Even if you say that, I still don't feel comfortable..." she said, looking away from him with a distant expression on her face.
"Sakura, I…" he stopped, at a loss for words to tell her. "I would never do that to you."
"It's not what you would or would not do, Syaoran. It's what you've already done," she said.
"I'm sorry," he said quietly.
"Don't…It's just hard seeing a woman walk by and I can't help but wonder if you've slept with her. And now, all I can think about is if people see us together, will they think that you've taken advantage of me? Or, if we're more than friends? And, I…" she took a deep breath before releasing it. "I don't think that I'm ready to take on the rumors. That's why…we can't be affectionate in public."
He stared at her, not believing everything she had just told him in one go. He did not know how to feel about it. He was sure that the information she had just given him hurt, but he also felt that he understood her too. And, he wanted her to be happy.
With that thought in mind, he nodded. "I understand," he said quietly.
"I'm sorry," she said, wrapping her arms around herself.
"No, this isn't your fault. It's all me. I didn't think my stupid, irresponsible actions would catch up to me like this," he said quietly.
He wanted to reach over and wrap her in his arms to offer her comfort, but knew it was not the right time or place for it. And, he certainly did not deserve to.
"I'll stop trying to show affection to you in public, and I won't do anything to make anyone question you," he said. "I won't ruin your name like I did mine."
She looked up at him with wide-eyes.
"I'll try my best to protect you and make sure that nothing ruins you. I'll be as careful as you want me to be, and I'll…I'll make sure everything turns out fine for you. Just…" His fists clenched, feeling his heart ache at the thought of losing her. "Don't leave me. I need you, even if it's just as a friend…or therapist. You make me feel sane…"
A blush spread across her cheeks and she nodded. "I know…I'll be here until the end of this all; until you're fixed," she promised.
The tightening sensation in his heart slowly loosened up at hearing her say that. That was all he needed to hear.
"Come on. I still owe you that drink and talk I mentioned earlier," she said with a smile on her face.
His mood lightened up at hearing her statement. He was glad that she still wanted to be around him, which meant one thing; she was not giving up on him yet like everyone else did.
From that point on, he made it a personal goal to keep her happy, even if it meant hurting himself in the process.
Sakura leaned against him slightly as she giggled at a joke he made about the bartender.
They were having a good time, slightly tipsy, but still aware of what was going on.
Syaoran was happy that she had not mentioned anything about the whole Meilin incident, or the talk he had with her earlier. He really hoped it stayed that way. But, it was all thanks to the bartender who was currently talking to them.
"You know, I didn't know the two of you were acquainted," Seijou, the bartender said, as he made another drink for Sakura.
Sakura looked at Syaoran and smiled when he stiffened beside her. "Yeah. We met at the hospital," she said softly.
"How did you end up at the hospital?" Seijou asked, sounding like he already knew how.
Syaoran smiled, remembering the first time they had met. "She tripped over her own feet," he said with a smirk.
She groaned beside him and pushed him gently with a pout on her lips. "That's what the other doctor told him, but that was not the case. I ended up tripping over a bag that was lying on the floor," she said, glaring at Syaoran softly.
Syaoran shrugged towards Seijou as if to say he did not know what she was talking about. "The other doctors bullied me because of it too. I felt like the joke of the hospital," she said with a soft laugh.
Seijou laughed, sliding the drink towards her. "That sounds like you," he said.
When Sakura winked at him playfully, Syaoran felt a small sting of jealousy. "How did you guys meet?" he asked. "Or, did you guys meet through therapy?"
"I had some issues in the past and was kind of forced into therapy by my wife," Seijou said, chuckling.
"Ah," Syaoran said shortly.
"He's a former patient," she said. "I told you, it's a little strange to see current patients outside of work."
Seijou burst out laughing as if he were remembering something that happened.
"I know what you're thinking about," Sakura said, giggling uncontrollably.
She's had a bit too much to drink…
With that thought, Syaoran reached over to grab her drink. "What's so funny?" he asked, feeling out of the loop.
"There was a time that we saw each other outside of therapy…and, I'm not an awkward man, but I didn't know Kinomoto much at the time and we were just beginning therapy, so it was the most awkward conversation ever," he said.
Sakura reached over to grab her drink from Syaoran, but he held it from her. A pout formed on her lips. "It was awkward, which is why I don't see patients outside my practice," she said. "Can I have my drink back?"
"I think you've had enough for the night," he said in a reasoning tone. "Besides, you said that you weren't getting drunk tonight."
"I'm not. I'm completely sober right now," she said in a normal voice.
He stared at her for a while as if he were trying to read her. When her gaze did not falter, he gave her the drink.
"So…are you guys dating or something?" Seijou asked in a cool tone.
Syaoran could feel his cheeks getting hot at the knowing smile the man gave him. "No. Just…good friends," he said awkwardly.
Syaoran almost jumped when he felt her hand fall on his thigh under the bar counter. "Yeah. After the hospital incident, we reconnected through mutual friends," she said with a smile.
"That's good. Well, I'll let you two get on with your night," Seijou said in a friendly tone.
Sakura nodded, standing from the stool. "You too. It was great seeing you," she said.
Syaoran followed after her, nodding towards Seijou. "It was nice meeting you."
"You too."
Seijou left the two to do his job elsewhere, leaving Sakura and Syaoran to stand alone.
She stretched beside him, leaving him with no choice but to let his eyes hungrily run over her body. He was tempted to reach over and pull her towards him but remembered his promise. It was just not fair that all the other men in the club were looking at her like she was a piece of steak.
They walked away from the bar counter to another room in the club where it was less noisy. They could still hear the music, but it was not as loud here.
"I'm sorry about that. I didn't know that he would be here," Sakura apologized.
Syaoran shook his head. "No, it's fine. It wasn't your fault. Besides, we got free drinks," he said to make light of the situation.
Sakura giggled, sitting down on the couch in the room. "That's true. Man, it's been years since I last saw him…" she said thoughtfully.
Syaoran sat beside her, staring at her dazed face. "What's wrong?" he asked.
"Nothing. He looked…" She shook her head again with a smile. "He looked fine, like he's been doing well."
Syaoran was quiet for a moment, wondering what could have possibly been wrong with the man who seemed very happy about life. It did not even look like it was possible for him to struggle with anything.
"I see," he said quietly.
"Yeah. Let's talk about you," she suddenly said.
He tensed up beside her, not expecting her to say that. "I'm fine," he said stiffly.
"Right now," she said.
"I'm fine, as long as you're around," he said truthfully.
"I was around when…Meilin was around the other day," she said the last part hesitantly.
His fists clenched, thinking back on the day she first arrived. He had been so angry, infuriated to see her sitting in his living room so close to Sakura.
He had just told her earlier that day not to come here, but she still did. That was the exact reason he never wanted her around. She was always so bossy and pushy, that it nearly gave him no choice to have a say in anything.
"If you weren't around, I may have considered, doing something irrational, but I don't know if I would have…" he said sadly.
"What will you do if I weren't around?" she asked.
His adrenaline began to rush at the thought of losing her. "I don't know, and I don't want to think about it," he said.
"Did she do something to you?" she asked softly.
He sighed, leaning forward to rest his head in his hand. "No…it's what she or anyone else didn't do," he said.
He felt her lean up beside him, placing a hand on his back. "They couldn't have known what was going on…" she said, leaning her head on his shoulder. "You can't be upset towards the ignorant."
He sighed, feeling his heart beat at the small act of physical contact from her. "I know that…" he said, remaining completely still. He did not want her to break contact with him.
"Then, you shouldn't punish her," Sakura said in a small voice.
"She shouldn't be here then," he said, feeling the ugly monster poke at his heart again.
"She shouldn't," Sakura agreed. "But, she is."
Syaoran did not say anything for a minute, not knowing what to say.
"So, what are you going to do about it?" she asked.
"I…" he sighed, running his hand through his hair, frustrated. "I don't know. What should I do?"
"I can't answer that for you…" she said, removing her hand from his back. "But, I can tell you what I would do."
"Please," he said, looking at her desperately.
She sighed with a sad smile on her face. "I would take it slow with her. Gradually talk with her by having decent conversations," she said.
"We have nothing to talk about, though," he said.
"You could start with asking how she's been," she said.
He thought about it for a moment before turning to her with a frown on his face. "I saw her today. I don't think I can see her in such a short time again," he said.
"You don't have to see her right away. Just take your time; take baby steps," she suggested.
"It could be at my own pace?" he asked, looking at her like he was lost.
And, he was. He did not know what to do, what to say, or anything that has something to do with having to see or talk to his family again.
It was not like he had cut them off completely from his life, but he sure does not parade them around in his life. He would have two to three-minute conversation with one of his sisters every six months or so, but it was never a real conversation. Just a, "Hope you are doing well," kind of conversation.
He did not even try to communicate with his father but asked about him through his sisters. That was good enough for him.
"Of course, as long as it's not forever," she said.
A smile crept to his lips at hearing her say that. "You know…let's forget about the dance," he said suddenly.
"Really?" she asked.
"I want to go back to your place…" he said.
"Syaora—"
"It's not for the reason you think it's for…" he said. "Just, trust me with this and let me take you home."
She stared at him for a moment before nodding her head. "Okay. Let's go," she said, standing from the couch in the room.
A smile spread across his face before he stood up with her. "Thank you," he said, knowing that she understood how he felt.
A smile crept to Sakura's lips, feeling Syaoran's lips travel down her wet neck slowly as her eyes closed. Chills ran down her body, despite them being in the tub that was filled with hot water.
He had his arms wrapped around her naked body, pulling her back against his naked wet chest as she rested between his parted legs.
She was surprised that he wanted to do this, instead of receiving the dance back at the club. She had started to feel hesitant and sketchy about doing it anyway, but brushed it aside, reasoning that it would be dark in the room and too many people for anyone to notice them.
This felt better than them doing that, though. She recalled sitting in this tub a week ago after Syaoran had taken her home from their night out. The only difference this time was that they were naked, and having a pleasant conversation this time, instead of the one they had last time.
Syaoran had not even tried to make any moves on her, despite them being in her tub, naked. Together. And, pressed against each other. They were just simply having a nice conversation. It felt oddly weird, but in a good way.
"I met Meilin at the age of four. My dad had brought her home with him because my auntie was out of town, or something along those lines," he said, running his hands up her arms lightly.
She closed her eyes tighter, enjoying the sensation his hands brought to her body. "I'm listening," she said softly for him to continue.
"Oh, she was less annoying and bossy, at first," he said.
"How so?" she asked, tilting her head back so she could look up at him.
He smiled at her, leaning down to brush his lips against hers a little. He pulled back, but pulled her body closer to his, if that were even possible.
She could feel a blush creep onto her cheeks at feeling something hard poke her lower back. She felt relieved that he was able to maintain this much self-control, even while he was aroused.
"She acted quiet and shy at first. I didn't mind her being around then," he said, resting his chin on her shoulder.
"But?"
"She opened that damn annoying mouth of hers, and it never shut after that," he said, letting out an annoyed groan.
Sakura giggled, grabbing his hands that were under her breast. She lifted them from under the water and kissed them softly. "Is she the only person you don't want to see, aside from the other person?" she asked softly.
She felt him shake his head on her shoulder. "No, I don't want to see any of them," he said.
She hummed softly, deep in thought about this. She was sure that he needed to try and talk with his family to relieve some of the pent-up frustrations that he had towards them. Not necessarily let it out on them, but to talk to them. He needed to know and understand them better.
She was almost sure that it would help him feel a little better, but she did not want to bet her life on it. One thing that she was certain about was the fact that Meilin may not be the best option for him to talk to.
"But?" she asked, caressing his hand.
"If I had to choose, I would choose one of my sisters," he said softly against her skin.
"Which one?" she asked. "Is it Fuutie? I remember you telling me that she's your favorite."
Syaoran nodded against her shoulder. "Yeah. I feel like…she would be less pressuring than the others…" he said quietly.
Sakura nodded, squeezing his hand as she came up with a plan. "Are they still coming here?" she asked nonchalantly. Or, so she hoped. She just needed to have a word with Meilin.
He sighed, holding her tighter. "I hope not…I really hope not," he said.
"Let's say they do show up…what are you going to do?" she asked thoughtfully.
"I don't want to think about it," he said, tone sounding like it was not up for discussion.
"Okay. No pressure," she said, taking the hint.
"Thank you…"
It was quiet for a moment, giving Sakura time to think on her own about everything. She wanted him to talk with his family but did not know how to encourage it without coming off as pushy.
"Speaking of family, how's your brother and his wife?" Syaoran asked suddenly, surprising Sakura.
He sounded like he was concerned, making her want to question him, but she knew better than to.
"They're doing great," she said quietly.
He hummed, sending a nice vibrating sensation on her body.
She felt so relaxed and peaceful, only making her assume that Syaoran knew that sitting in a tub full of hot water would do that for you.
Her muscles were relaxed, and she felt like she was on cloud nine. She wondered if he felt the same.
"I'm glad," he murmured, making her turn around to look at his face suspiciously.
"I thought you hated my brother," she said, matter of factly.
"I don't like him, but...I know that, if something were to happen to him, you'd be affected. I don't want you to be hurt in any way, so..." he trailed off, sheepishly. "I want you happy."
Hearing the sincerity in his voice, nearly scared her. Instead of responding, she squeezed his arm gently in response.
"You know...this is the first time that I've ever really been interested in anyone...to the point where I want to be with them," he confessed.
Sakura froze in his arms, closing her lips tightly.
He held her tightly. "I'm not saying anything weird, am I?" he asked timidly.
When she did not say anything, he loosened his hold her body. "Sakura, I'm sorr—"
"You're not...I just..."
"You're not ready for a relationship?" he asked.
She shook her head, no, sadly. "I've been through so much more than you could ever understand. And now, I'm finally back on my feet. Finally, happy again. It's been so long since I've felt this way..." she trailed off, feeling a smile creep to her lips.
She was happy again, especially now that she could see improvement in Syaoran too. She was happy that the past is the past, and nothing more than that.
She did not have anything to worry about anymore, and there was no point in holding on to the past in her life.
"I want to sit in this place in my life for a while. I can't add any more than what I'm willing to give right now," she said quietly.
She prayed that he understands. She was not sure if he really liked her because he just did, or something else. She knew that he felt something for her, though.
"I understand. I just wanted you to know that I do...have this emotion that makes me want to be with you, to keep you safe, and even make you happy..." he trailed off, holding her tightly again. "But, I know. I'm not ready to take that step forward either. There's...so much more that I need to deal with before I can decide to add anyone else in my life...right?"
She smiled, turning around towards him so he could look her in the eyes. "You're right," she confirmed for him. "You have so much going on in your life...especially with your mental health, so that's what you need to focus on more. You need to find peace within yourself first before you can add anything else in your life. Or else…you'll wind up using me as your anchor."
A sad smile formed on his face and he leaned his head down to rest his forehead against hers.
When Sakura saw his eyes glisten with tears, he closed his eyes tightly, and nodded his head. "You're right," he said quietly.
She raised her hands from under the water and caressed his face gently. "I'll be here until the end of this all, okay?" she reminded him again. "You don't have to go through this alone."
He nodded against her head and smiled at her. "I know…"
"Good," she said.
They were silent for a moment, enjoying the peace and calm atmosphere in the bathroom.
She could not help but wonder if this was the reason Syaoran had suggested them to come here.
For whatever reason he has for doing this, she felt grateful for it.
There were no burdens weighing her down. In here, nothing else mattered besides the two of them.
"Hot baths have been proven to relax you," he said into the quiet bathroom.
She opened her eyes that she did not even know she had closed. She stared into his amber eyes.
"Is that why you...?"
"Yes. I've felt...tensed and stressed all day. Well, for the past few days since Meilin arrived," he said.
"What made you think of this?" she asked.
"Well, naked Sakura, hot water, and... hot water on a naked Sakura pressed against me, sounded very appealing."
Her cheeks warmed as she giggled, hearing the humor in his tone. "You're such a pervert," she said softly.
He nuzzled her neck. "It's your fault," he said against her skin.
She smiled, shaking her head. "Seriously," she said.
"Well, soaking in hot water rises the temperature in your body. When our temperature rises, the blood and lymph circulation improve. Your metabolism increases, and your nervous system becomes calmer," he explained.
Sakura hummed, surprised to hear this for the first time. It was not like she had never felt calm and relaxed from soaking in a hot bath, but she never understood why.
"That's very interesting...what else is there to this?" she asked, wanting to become more knowledgeable about the human anatomy.
She had taken one anatomy class in university, but she barely remembered anything from it.
"The heat releases tension in your muscles and relaxes you. This is because the hot water immersion heightens the balance between the sympathetic and parasympathetic components of your nervous system," he said. "The parasympathetic nervous system is responsible for when our bodies relax and the sympathetic system for stress."
Sakura nodded slowly, understanding what he meant. "You're very knowledgeable when it comes to the body," she said. "You would think that a doctor forgets things since you guys learn so much..."
"That's true. I just...whenever I find the time, I often go through books to refresh my memory sometimes," he said, shrugging it off.
She hummed, closing her eyes before pulling back from him. "We should get out or we'll be all pruned," she said.
He chuckled softly, releasing her. "You're right. You don't mind if I stay tonight, right?" he asked timidly.
She looked him in the eyes, seeing him look at her shyly. She smiled at him. "Only because you let me stay the night at your place," she said.
A smile spread across his face and he leaned down to kiss her lips softly. "Thank you," he whispered against her lips.
She smiled and then stood up from the water. She could feel a blush form on her cheeks, feeling his eyes study her body.
She turned to him in the water, motioning him to get up with her pointer finger.
He was quick to follow instructions, wrapping his arms around her waist to pull her closer to him.
She giggled, pushing him gently to get space between them. "I was just telling you to get up because I know that it would be hard to on your own," she said.
He kissed the side of her head before smiling. "I know."
He reached over and grabbed the towel off the rack, wrapping it around her body.
She smiled at him gratefully before wrapping it around herself tightly and climbing out.
He followed after her, not making a sound, causing Sakura to wonder if there was something wrong.
She turned around to him, surprised to see him staring at her bare shoulder blankly. She raised a brow, feeling her cheeks warm, nonetheless. "What's wrong?" she asked.
"I... I feel like..." He stopped and sighed. "I just want someone to hold me."
Her eyes softened, seeing the sorrow in his eyes.
She does not know what is going on his mind, or what seems to be bothering him, but she knows that he needs someone there with him.
"Okay. Let's go to bed," she said softly.
"I-I'm not asking you if we could have sex, just to clarify," he stuttered.
She grabbed the towel off the rack and threw it at him. A smile formed on her lips when he looked her in the eyes. "I know."
He sighed in relief. "Okay, good."
She smiled and motioned with her head for him to follow her.
Looks like tonight will be another night of comfort.
"No," Akinari exaggerated.
Sakura giggled at his response, nodding her head. "Yes. She's gotten so much better," she said.
"That's good to hear. Last I heard, she was seeing some guy, right?" he asked.
"Yes. She hasn't told me much about him. She really likes him, though," Sakura said.
They were sitting at the typical cafe where they normally do on Saturdays, except it was Sunday this time.
She could not hang out with him yesterday, so they just postponed it.
She could not help but feel like it had been a while since they did this.
"Wow, a patient not opening up to you?" Akinari joked with a smile on his face.
Sakura giggled, kicking him under the table a little. She grinned when she saw his face grimace. "She's open enough with me. Besides, you said that I shouldn't be so attached to my patients anyway, so why do you have something to say about it now?" she asked, raising a brow at him.
He chuckled, shaking his head. "I know I said that, but do you ever listen to me?" he asked.
"About some stuff," she said, sticking her tongue at him.
"Barely anything," he corrected.
"Are you done?" She smiled at him.
He took a sip of his coffee and set it back on the table with a smile on his face. "I'm done," he said.
"Thank you. So, what's up with you? Any new patients? Girls? Our conversations don't always have to be about me," she said.
"Same patients, no girls," he said.
"Come on, Aki. You're getting old," Sakura said playfully.
"Alright, alright. I took this girl out a few days ago," he said shyly.
Sakura gasped, smiling widely. "Really? How was it? Is she pretty? Someone I know? Funny? Smart?"
Akinari chuckled, shaking his head. "Slow down there, kiddo. We went on one date. And, it was...decent."
"So, it sucked. Man..."
"I didn't say that. I'd have to take her out again to determine if I like her or not. The date was short, and we went to the movies...which meant we didn't have much time to talk besides dinner, which we had to cut short because she got a call from her boss. She seems very nice, though," he said.
Sakura nodded, looking deep in thought.
Akinari had not been involved in the dating world for a while after his last girlfriend had cheated on him. She always wondered why he did not try to get back out there.
"It's hard trying to get back in the groove of dating, you know," he said. "It's not that I wasn't feeling her, though."
"Alright, one date wasn't enough to determine that. So, you're going to take her out again?" she asked.
He shrugged. "Why not? She's a very nice woman, so I have no reason not to."
A wide grin spread across Sakura's face at hearing that. "I'm so happy for you," she said, meaning it.
"Yeah, yeah, yeah. Speaking of taking people out, you want to be my date for this upcoming event?" he asked.
Her brows scrunched together. "What event?"
"It's a Christmas ball, and I don't think I'd go if I wouldn't have my best friend there with me," he said with a smile on his face.
Sakura returned the smile, feeling happy that he still considered her someone important in his life. Even though she was being a disappointment.
"I'd love to," she said.
He let out a relieved sigh. "Thank goodness," he said.
"When is it?" she asked.
"Uh...the 22nd of December," he said.
"Alright, fine with me. Onii-chan and his family are going to come down for Christmas to spend with father and I this year," she said, feeling giddy inside suddenly.
It had been a few months since she last saw them. It was in an unfortunate situation too, so she hoped the visit would be better this time too.
"That's awesome. He didn't make it last year," he said.
She nodded. "I know. I'm just glad that he's doing fine, though," she said with a smile.
He smiled at her, nodding.
"Are you visiting family this year?" she asked.
"I suppose so. I have nothing better to do," he said, shrugging.
"Well, please send them my regards. I haven't seen them in a while," she said.
"Of course. We should get ready to go, though. Our movie starts in 20 minutes," he said.
She nodded, standing from the table. "You're right."
She could not help but feel relieved about this hang out, because it had been less stressing on her this time. Simply because he did not mention anything about Syaoran for a change.
Better coping strategies...
Sakura had told him several things he could do to distract himself from giving into the temptation of using sexual pleasure to feel better.
But, sometimes it is hard.
It had been five days since he last saw Sakura or Meilin.
Since she had arrived, his sisters had been bugging him a lot more lately. Not that he gave them the time of day, but still. He knew that Meilin was the source behind it.
He guessed that she had probably told them that he did not have anything to do with her after their meeting at the cafe. She probably even mentioned how cold he had been to her.
Why should he care, though? She asked for it, he reminded himself.
Syaoran walked through the halls of his hospital, looking and observing all the workers. He was making sure that everyone was doing their jobs and not slacking off.
He needed everything to be perfect with Mr. Clow Reed around. The man was offering a large sum of money so that they could run a clinical trial.
Clow Reed has a daughter who is suffering from epilepsy and wants the hospital to run a trial on finding a cure for it since there is none.
This was something big for Syaoran and the hospital. Very big. Him and his team could make history.
Even though it was something major, he could not stay focused these days. All he could worry about was his personal problems, which was something that never happened in the past.
He could not help but notice that his entire life had been affected ever since he started having the therapy sessions with Sakura.
Before those, he could push everything to the side and pretend like nothing was wrong with him. But, now, everything bothers him.
It may have been because he does not have sex as often as he did before to briefly make himself feel better, or, it could be that everything was becoming a clear picture now.
He wondered if this is how the average person who does not ignore their true emotions feels.
"Dr. Li, Mr. Reed is here," one of his workers said, snapping him out of his thoughts.
He nodded his head, following the doctor as he rambled on about the upcoming research.
"Dr. Li!" Clow exclaimed as soon as he saw Syaoran approaching him.
Syaoran briefly nodded, and then shook his hand. "Mr. Reed, I didn't expect you to come here so early," he said formally.
"Well, I just decided to drop by earlier to have a word with you," Clow said with a smile.
Syaoran stiffened, wondering if he wanted to break the deal off.
"Nothing bad. I just wanted to know your thoughts and feelings about this deal again. I need affirmation that you're still confident in trying this out..." he said quietly.
Syaoran could see the sorrow in the man's eyes, just as much as he could hear it in his voice.
Syaoran nodded. "Me and my team will do the best that we can, sir. I may not be able to guarantee how everything will turn out in the end, but I can promise you that we will try our best with every means and resource that we have," he said confidently.
A smile slowly crept to Clow's face before he nodded. "Of course. You've informed the hospital about the event? I feel like this is something big for the hospital, so it is a cause for everyone's support," he said.
Syaoran nodded.
"Even though we don't know if the trial will be a success, I still think that a celebration should happen by the fact that you guys have agreed to go through with this outrageous plan. Plus, I have some old friends coming into town for the event to contribute to the research," Clow said.
Syaoran nodded again. "Again, thank you, Mr. Reed. I could never understand the grief you have been going through for years, but I am willing to place myself in your shoes and imagine how you feel," he said formally.
Clow nodded with a smile on his face. "Thank you, Dr. Li. You're as humane as the patients describe you to be," he complimented.
A small smile crept to Syaoran's lips as he nodded with a quiet, "thank you," before Clow bid him goodbye.
Now, he has one more place to go before he could finally find a little peace within himself about this whole ordeal that was about to take place very soon.
"Li Syaoran!"
Syaoran looked up at hearing the familiar voice with scrunched brows, wondering if he was hallucinating.
When his eyes took in the person who was standing in front of him, his eyes widened, and his heart nearly stopped beating.
A/N: Hello, everyone! I know I said updates wouldn't be as late anymore, but life gets in the way sometimes, sadly, so sorry D:. Thanks to my beta theDeviantme for editing!
On another note, thank you guys for the love and support! I think I responded to all the reviews, but a few that I couldn't because they were guest. I do feel the need to address a few of them, so you guys don't have to read the rest of this author's note, unless you may want to be educated a little bit more about addiction/psychological topics.
Though I don't ever feel the slightest bit bothered by other opinions about my story, or writing style, I winced a bit for my fellow people who actually struggle with their mental health. I don't like when people invalidate every person who is or have been addicted to anything (it's not just about sex, because addiction could be with anything…) that actually made me want to educate anyone who isn't aware of this.
"Mentally-ill" people, whether it's addiction or many other types of disorders, are very capable of falling in love, just like every other person who are considered, "mentally healthy." From the perspective of hundreds of people, I know, sex does feel different when you're having it with a person you actually have feelings for (whether if you're in love, or anything remotely romantic, which Syaoran's feelings are here) so, the logic that was given about him feeling different about sex because he doesn't have it as often doesn't validate the way the character feels here. This is true to a certain extent with others, but not in my story. One thing I do agree with is, "he is very capable of cheating" …yes, he is…just like every other man or woman is in this world. Sakura is also capable of "cheating," though neither of them will be considered cheaters because they are not in a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship, right now.
I have nothing personal against people who have their own opinions, but I don't like when they leave uneducated comments that could possibly cause others to think otherwise. Everyone isn't educated on the topic of addiction or many other types of mental issues, so I'm not upset about it. However, I do think it's best to do research on the topic before coming up with these assumptions about people who are addicts. I can assure everyone that recovering sex-addicts can be in healthy relationships where they are exclusively in love with their partners…it just takes time, therapy, practice, recognition, and a few other things before people can get their compulsive behaviors under control.
And guys, even though Sakura does not trust Syaoran and knows how he was before (and assume how he is now), she's mature enough to know that she has no right to badger him like a girlfriend would because it's clear in her perspective that they're not together. She likes him, and still has the emotions of a girlfriend because of that, but that still doesn't give her a right to act as a girlfriend would in her predicament (even if she unconsciously finds herself doing it sometimes). I can't say much about this topic of how much she trusts him and her being paranoid because it'll give away information in the future chapters, but right now, she's playing it cool and trying not to act based off her emotions like most people do because she clearly doesn't trust him here.
I'm not attacking anyone and would have responded privately to these reviews (to clarify that it wasn't to belittle anyone), but they were guests, so I couldn't. I just don't want anyone to remain uneducated as I was before I actually took classes and did my own research about addictions :).
Anyway, if you read through all of this, I do have the next chapter done and just needs to be edited, so will be out shortly!
Ja ne!