"Their First Holiday"
Sakura remained still, resting her head on his chest for a solid 60 seconds. She could not help but wonder if he noticed her drenched form, lying on top of him.
He had somehow wrapped his arm around her waist without her being aware of it, molding their bodies together like glue.
It had been so long since they slept like this, yet she would be giving it up as soon as she broke the news to him; they could not be together.
The final decision was set in stone, and there was nothing that could change her mind now. Especially after that nightmare she just had.
It felt like the higher beings were looking down at her, pointing fingers, and laughing at her earlier decision to love him. Well, they were finally getting what they wanted, she thought.
She took a deep breath, releasing it as she shifted on his weight to receive a little air to the area on her face that is drenched in sweat from his body heat.
She wanted to stay like this forever, but somehow, it was too much like a fairy-tale that does not exist in real life. They had to live in the real world—outside these doors, away from each other.
All thoughts stopped when she heard Syaoran groan. She felt him shift slightly, but she remained still, having been exhausted from their earlier activities still.
As usual, Syaoran's appetite had not gone down, even after he had not had sex in three weeks. It was something like a routine between them every time they had sex. He would take her, not only one time, but a few more times after that. She often wondered if he were ever fully satisfied even after those times.
Opening one curious eye after feeling his movements become vigorous under her, she encountered his most private part in his hand as he attempted to get himself off.
Well, that answers my question.
Because she knew this would be the last time they did this, she moved her hand down to his, stopping him. "Syaoran..." she called, wanting to help him, but not quite sure how to without feeling terrible about herself.
At this point, she could not tell if her actions were out of pity or love this time.
Her wonders were answered the moment he grabbed her hand, making her grab him, which made her realize she wanted to help him, rather than it being pity.
When a breathless gasp slipped past his lips, she obeyed his silent demand, wanting him to feel fully satisfied.
His hands moved from her waist, to her head and grabbed her locks tightly, as he always did when he wanted something.
A kiss.
He pulled her head back and closed the gap between their lips tightly.
She continued to stroke him as his mouth devoured hers in one of the most pleasurable ways possible.
She could not understand herself sometimes. One minute she would be this strong and determined to get whatever she wants woman, but then at other times, she would be this weak and easy to control woman.
There was no balance. She always wanted to be the strong and independent woman, but somehow, Syaoran always brought the weak and vulnerable woman out of her at times like this.
Her past lover never even made her feel this way. After he had come back from his deployment, she had been strong. Never showing a single weak bone in her body, aside from the one time she decided to accept the easy way out; which was death. And yet somehow, Syaoran made her feel okay to show how she truly felt.
His trembling and groan put a pause on her thoughts, warning her that he had just spilled his essence on her hand.
It was not even a full minute before his body was ready for action again. This was starting to become too much, proving that he still needed to get himself together. There was no way they could continue like this.
"This has to stop, Syaoran," she chastised softly, not wanting to come off as too harsh. After all, she was about to get ready to hurt him again.
"I know, baby, but you know that I can't get enough of you. Just one more round, I promise," he said. "You can't get enough of this cock anyway."
She could feel a blush creep to her cheeks, feeling his hot breath brush against her ear. He was using the husky tone that always turned her on. He was doing it again, trying to seduce her into getting what he wants.
She would not let him this time, though.
As soon as his lips captured hers, she pulled back before the kiss could even turn into a real one. She frowned at him, showing her disapproval of his actions. "No, Syaoran...really, this needs to stop. We can't keep doing this."
"Why not?" he asked, sounding irritated with her.
She knew that he knew what she is referring to, despite her telling him that they would take things slow and try to make them work. She could tell that his patients was running dry, which she could not blame him for.
She was being complicated. She just could not help it.
"You know why..." she said softly.
She could see the guilt in his eyes for a moment before it disappeared. "No, I don't know why, actually. You've been avoiding me for the past couple of weeks and it's been driving me insane. You know I can't fucking be away from you for that long, yet you've made me endure it!"
And she did know all of this. She just wished that she could do something about this—take away this pain somehow, but she could not. She was the source of this pain. She almost felt sorry for him because of what she was putting him through.
Her eyes softened, and she grabbed his face gently, caressing it, in a way to apologize to him; let him know that she is sorry for everything she has put him through. But, she still had to put his pain to an end.
So, she used the excuse and fact that would hurt him the most. "It's not right for me to be with a patient like this. Especially one who has an addiction to —"
"Don't say it!"
She knew how he felt about his problem, but he still needed to be reminded that it still is his problem.
When his body trembled in anger under her, she knew he took it as a way of her throwing it in his face. "Syaoran, you know I didn't mean it like that—"
He cut her off with his lips in a bruising kiss that she accepted wholeheartedly. She deserved this, and more. She is the one who should be hurting the most, not him when he had been nothing but good to her over these months.
They may have had a rough start, but she still had changed him and made him a better man. And now, she was tearing him down. She hated herself so much for being selfish in a moment like this.
Her eyes opened when she felt his hand grab her breast. For a moment, she wondered if he was trying to have sex because of the negative emotions, but she disregarded it. Syaoran is not like that anymore, she reminded herself. He was upset right now, but that was not why they were about to have sex. He was trying to have sex with her in hopes of making her stay with him.
When one of his hands dropped between her legs, she closed them on instincts, but his body made it between them before she could. Her ears registered a moan escape her mouth when his teeth encountered the oddly sensitive area on her body.
She could feel him position himself over her entrance as his tongue snaked across her collarbone, alleviating the pain from his earlier bite.
Even at a time like this, he was still being kind to her; caring about her well-being.
She could not help but feel like she does not deserve him.
He further proved her point by focusing on her, even though he was still furious with her actions. Even though she saw he still cared for her, something told her that this would be the last time they would be together like this. Not because she decided it, but he would.
And for some reason, that thought angered her when it should not have. She should have been happy that he was finally accepting defeat. Accepting that they would not be together...
At that thought, she felt him push inside of her to the hilt, making her moan loudly at the discomfort.
How could she care when this would be their last time together, though?
Their dance began in no time, just wanting to feel that sensation of pain and pleasure. It made her feel good. It seized some of the guilt from her aching heart. She needed this pain.
When his lips found hers in another bruising kiss, she attempted to kiss him harder, but failed miserably. There was no way she could hurt him anymore than she already has.
The thumping of his headboard against the wall, did nothing to better her position. It only spurred her on to get this last time over with.
She could feel her upending release rising in her abdomen as their lips continued to assault each other's.
When his hand slid between their bodies to rub the sensitive flesh, she could feel her eyes water at his actions.
He was still trying to put her first. He was still trying to put her needs before his own. How could she ever make up for the pain she has put him through?
Even giving him a chance to be with her would never make up for the pain he was going through.
She closed her eyes, just listening to the sounds they both emitted and their flesh meeting each other's quickly.
"Say my name…" she faintly heard him say as her entire being was drowned in the pleasure of their erotic dance.
She opened her mouth, wanting to give him what he wanted, but his hips slammed into hers harder; making it hard to talk. He even had to hold on to her shoulders to prevent her from sliding back from the force.
"Sy—"
She was cut off by her own moan when he picked up the speed of his thrusts.
"Now, Sakura!" he said with clenched teeth
"Syaoran!" she moaned, digging her nails into his flesh painfully tight as she came undone under him.
It was not even a full 30 seconds before she felt him spill inside of her.
He took a deep breath before he pulled out of her, moving to the side of the bed.
They did not speak a word, just listening to their rapid breathing. Sakura was too afraid of saying anything, but she knew she had to.
"Syaoran...we can't—"
"Get the hell out, Sakura. I'm done with your mind games fucking with my head."
Hearing him say that broke her heart, not believing that he was capable of doing so. He had never been that cold to her before.
In the beginning he was, but never this cold. It hurt more than she thought it would.
It hurts so much that she wanted to take back her decision of ending them. "But, Syaoran—"
He glared at her, making her hush in an instant. He was done with her. She could tell from the cold look in his eyes. It was similar to the look he used to have, but far colder this time.
This hurt more than anything he ever did.
She stood up from the bed quietly with tears threatening to spill from her eyes at any moment.
She could not do this anymore. It was too much for her.
She grabbed the first thing she saw and slipped the large shirt on that reached past her mid-thigh. She took a deep breath before leaving the room and his apartment quickly without another word.
She had not even bothered to think about transportation until after she closed the door of his apartment and walked out into the cold winter night.
Dressed only in a T-shirt, she realized she could not feel anything besides the hurt of everything.
She had brought this on herself, though.
She had not expected him to chase her forever. She knew they would end things between them eventually. She just could not understand why this hurt her more than anything had ever hurt her in her entire life.
She sniffed, feeling the hot tears spill from her eyes before she let her feet lead her down the steps of his apartment.
She could feel her bare feet go numb as soon as she stepped into the snow. It burned, yet it could not compare to the pain of knowing she lost Syaoran.
She let her legs lead her away from his apartment, ignoring everything besides the tightening feeling in her chest.
It was done. They were finally done, which meant it was over. The pain would go away, just like he planned for it to.
She was gone.
Syaoran sat up on the bed, running a shaky hand through his soaked hair. He took a deep breath, trying to get his heart under control.
Now, his life would get back to normal, right? He was no longer a patient, which meant he had nothing to worry about anymore, right?
He felt...free. He could do what he wants again. Everything would go back to normal before Sakura came in his life...yet, he had no desire to do any of that anymore.
He still wanted Sakura, but her indecisive actions were enough to make him realize that she did not feel the same way about him.
He could not force anything on her, so his best bet was to let her go. Let her do what she wanted.
He was tired of trying to force her into wanting him the way he wanted her.
It was clear that they were after two completely different things.
He wanted something long term that would last, while she just wanted a good fuck every now and then. That's what he thought, at least.
He deserved better than that, though.
He could not understand how she could just lie to him like that; make him the happiest man alive by telling him those things. It was so cruel and... unlike her, he realized.
Syaoran has never pegged her as the type to trample over a person's emotions like that. She never showed any traits that would make him think that, but tonight...she showed him her true colors.
Perhaps, that's what made him happy to see her leave. He was more than just a good fuck. He may have done a lot of wrong things in the past, but he was a good guy now. He would never do anything to purposely hurt anyone anymore.
He deserved to be loved and cared for. He was more than what Sakura made him feel tonight; like an object used for her own pleasure.
His fists clenched as he thought about it. He could not believe that she was truly that hypocritical. After everything she said about him not needing to use her to make himself feel better to him not needing to have sex as much, she had done the exact thing.
She used him until she could not use him anymore.
He took a deep breath, hoping the pain and anger would wash away from his heart, yet it did not. He sat up on the bed, only to feel the cool breeze slap his sweaty skin. And that was when he realized something.
Sakura had left in just a T-shirt, no panties and all while it was probably one of the coldest nights in Tomoeda.
"Fuck," he said under his breath angrily.
He had just kicked her out and accepted that they would never see each other again unless they had to. He still felt angry with her for the way she had been treating him, yet his heart told him to protect her; keep her safe from everything.
He did not want to do this, though. He had just thrown all his pride away earlier to have her, and now, she was trying to make him do it again? He would never do that for a woman who kept hurting him, right?
Without thinking, he jumped out of bed and slipped on the first clothes he saw before grabbing his keys and rushing out of the apartment. The moment he turned the car on, he did not even let it warm up before he pulled out of the complex, driving off into the streets.
He drove around for 10 minutes, looking for her before he realized he had been sitting in his room for the past 30 minutes, thinking about his own self-worth and what he deserved.
He never thought letting go of a woman who used him would make him realize how much he loved himself. Then again, everything was always different with Sakura.
He drove towards her house before he saw a person, lying on the ground, body covered in snow.
Once he saw the auburn hair, his heart dropped in his chest, making him realize it was Sakura.
Not caring that he was in the middle of the road, he put the car in park and got out of the car immediately, rushing over to the sidewalk where he saw her body.
He forgot about his anger towards her for a moment before leaning down to wipe the snow off her body, and then picking her frozen body up bridal style.
When he felt how lifeless her body was in his arms, the alarms went off in his head and his heart.
He rushed her over to his car, opening the door and putting her inside the back seat.
He got inside with her, closing the door behind him to trap in the warm heat. Immediately, he checked her pulse, making sure she was not dead.
He picked up on one before he decided to shake her gently. "Sakura," he called calmly.
He shook her again and again before the panic rose in his chest at her lack of response.
She was still unconscious.
He wondered how long she had been out before he got here.
"Sakura," he called again, running his hands up and down her arms fast, trying to provide some warmth to her ice-cold skin. He rubbed her legs vigorously, starting to regret his decision of throwing her out like that in this weather.
He could not help but realize he was not thinking when he did that.
"Sakura," he called again, shaking her before pulling her body towards his so he could wrap his arms around her body.
When he heard her gasp and felt her tremble in his arms, his heart relaxed a bit before he squeezed her tightly.
"Don't you fucking dare scare me like that again," he said tightly, rubbing up and down her arm.
"W-What are you doing here?" she stuttered, shivering in his arms.
"I should be asking you that," he said, glaring ahead.
"I-I-I had to get home," she said.
He frowned, caressing her wet hair. "Not laying out there in the snow like that," he said, his voice sounding cold.
He still felt upset with her, but he could not turn her away.
"Y-you don't have to be here," she said stubbornly, trying to pull away from him.
He glared at her, yanking her body back towards his. "After all this shit you've been putting me through, the least you could do is show some gratitude for me saving your ass," he said tightly.
He grabbed her hands between his and brought them to his lips, blowing his breath to warm them.
"You don't have to be here," she said again, but not pulling away from him this time. "I don't want anyone's help—"
"Just stop it, Sakura! I'm tired of your shit and your random mood swings and your indecisive behavior. If you didn't want to be with me, that's all you had to say to begin with instead of telling me that shit. I would've left you the fuck alone instead of you letting me look like a fool!" he said angrily, making her shut up.
Syaoran took a deep breath, hoping it would relieve some of his anger towards her. "I'm..."
"I'm sorry..." she said quietly.
When he heard the tremor in her voice, his heart had this unsettling twist in his chest. "Just, don't," he said, not wanting to hear or see her tears. They would break him. They would make him turn into the fool she had him acting like these last weeks.
"I don't even want to hear an apology from you," he said, holding her tighter.
They were silent in the car for a while, just cuddling on the back seat of his car. He hoped that she would stay silent, so he did not have to hear her voice.
When she shivered under him, he released her and pushed her to get up. Once she sat up, he did too, only to take his coat off.
He grabbed her arm, pulling her cold wet back to him and draped the coat over her body.
When she tried to sit up and speak, he made a grunting noise, stopping her. "I'm fine," he said before she could even complain. "Just don't talk."
He leaned his head back against the seat, closing his eyes tightly.
He hated this emotion she always made him feel. He never understood why he feels this way about her.
He wished he could treat her like those other women in the past. Have a good time and leave. But, no, with her, he never wanted to leave.
Even after her toying with his emotions for this long, he still wanted to take care of her, hold her until she feels safe.
What the hell is wrong with me?
He could remember the conversation they had one night after making love. His body would not stop reacting to her every touch, her scent—anything that involved her. No matter what they did to relieve him, it still would not stop, so much that it even started to hurt, as it should.
It brought back memories to when he first hit puberty. It would be on Sundays when he had a day off that he would sit in his room all day and masturbate to porn until it would start to become painful to.
He shuddered at that thought, brushing it to the side, reverting back to his earlier thoughts about the conversation they had during that time.
He had asked her why she had such an effect on him, which she responded with telling him that she did not know and could only guess that he was just a sensitive and easy to seduce man.
He took that answer for the time being, yet his heart told him otherwise. He knew that if any other woman were to come on to him, he would not be as affected as he normally is with Sakura.
Only she could make him ache for her choice. Only she could make him bend over backwards for her. And only she could...make him realize how much he deserved better than this.
All this time, he hated himself. All this time, he believed he deserved to feel pain. But now, because of her, he could see how much more he deserved than that. And that was why he felt happy to finally let her go if she would not be with him.
He leaned his head back against the seat, closing his eyes as he unconsciously held her tighter in his arms.
He would just sit here for a while until she warmed up, and then he would take her home, he decided.
However, before he knew it, he could feel himself drifting off to sleep.
Honk.
Honk.
Syaoran's head propped up immediately, cracking his neck in the process. He groaned, moving his arm to massage his neck, but felt something holding him down. He looked down, seeing auburn hair.
He took a deep breath and shifted under her weight before turning his head around when he heard another honking sound.
His eyes widened, seeing a line of cars stacked up behind his. "Fuck," he muttered, grabbing her gently. "Get up."
Sakura stirred in her sleep, which Syaoran took the opportunity to slide from under her, making her fall over with a soft "oof," sound.
He opened the car door, rushing to the front.
"Fuck you, asshole!" he heard one of the drivers yelling before he closed the door behind him.
"Shit," he muttered, putting the car in drive before taking off.
"What the hell, Syaoran?" Sakura said in the back seat.
He huffed, keeping his eyes on the road. "Merry Christmas to you too," he said sarcastically.
"Oh, gosh, it's—"
Syaoran's eyes shifted to the front rear view mirror when she suddenly stopped, seeing her fall over on the seat. His eyes shifted back to the road. "Sakura?" he called, feeling himself start to worry about her. She was good at this.
"Sakura?" he called again when she never responded.
He quickly sped to her place, parked the car, and stepped out so he could rush to the back where she is.
His eyes widened, seeing her laid out on the backseat, mouth slightly opened as her breaths came in uneven pants.
Once he noticed her flushed face, he realized she was sick.
This is definitely my fault.
Letting any remaining anger wash away, he reached in and grabbed her arms gently to pull her up.
She snatched her arm back from him, letting out a grunting sound. "Leave me here..." she said weakly.
His eyes softened, and he forced her to get out of the car, which she struggled to get free from his grasp.
"Please...I don't want you to do anything else for me," she said sadly.
His heart tightened, hearing the tears in her broken voice. "Sakura," he called softly. "Let me take care of you this last time."
He picked her up bridal style before she could even respond. She wrapped her arms around his neck, burying her hot face in it.
His cheeks warmed, feeling her hot breath brush against his skin as he walked them to her room after closing and locking his door. He was sure to keep his coat around her as much as he could, not wanting her cold or anyone else seeing her naked body.
"Where's your key?" he asked gently once they faced her door.
She took a deep breath, shaking her head.
"You left everything at my place..." he trailed off.
"Put me down..." she said softly. "There's a spare key under the mat."
He placed her on her feet gently, leaning down to lift the mat and take the key from under it. He unlocked the door, gently pushing her inside before closing the door behind him.
With her back turned against him, he was reminded of the times they would come in and go straight at it as soon as the door would close.
It was different this time, though. It was different because he would not allow her to use him anymore. He would not offer her anymore sex unless she would be with him.
She started to walk, but stammered in her steps, which Syaoran was quick to grab her arm gently.
"We need to get you in the shower and dressed in something warmer," he said.
"Can't...I have to...get to my fathers—"
"You can't go back out in this weather, Sakura. It's horrible enough that you're still capable of being this stubborn. I'm going to go and run you some water as soon as I get some heat turned on in here," he said, picking her up bridal style and carrying her to her room.
She hit against his chest weakly before dropping her head against his shoulder. "I can...wal..."
Syaoran looked down, seeing she had fallen asleep.
He sighed, realizing he would be spending Christmas Day taking care of her.
This was not how he planned to spend Christmas, but because it was Sakura, he did not mind one bit.
Syaoran pat her flushed face with the cool rag gently, trying to reduce some of the heat.
After he had made her get in the shower, he had laid out some comfy pajamas for her with fluffy socks to keep her warm. He had tucked her in, checked her temperature, and had her eat some soup an hour ago.
She had been sleeping since then, with him watching her every move, and unsteady breathing after he came back from the pharmacy store to pick up some medicine for her.
He hated seeing her like this. She was normally strong and independent, but now, she was at her weakest self.
All because of me.
He glanced at the clock, seeing it was past noon. Her family must be worried about her not coming.
"My phone..." he heard her small voice.
Did I say that out loud?
"I need to...call my father to let him know I'll be late," she said before coughing.
He frowned, caressing her hair gently. "I'll call and let them know. Where's your phone?"
When she did not say anything and kept her eyes closed, he knew the answer to that. "My place...do you know their number?" he asked.
She took a deep unsteady breath, nodding her head.
"I'm going to get my phone," he said, already standing to leave the room.
"Syaoran," she called weakly, stopping him. "You don't have to do this for me..."
He sighed, leaving the room to get his phone, and coming back immediately with it in his hand. "Take this medicine," he said, grabbing the medicine off the bed stand.
He tried to sit her up a little, but she stubbornly shrugged him off. "Sakura, could you just...please, do this one thing for me? Take the medicine to make me feel better, at least," he said.
She stopped and sat up slightly.
He handed her the medicine and the glass of water. He was sure to watch her take it before helping her lie back down.
"Give me your father's number," he said.
She shook her head. "Not necessary..." she said quietly.
"For the love of God, would you stop being so stubborn, woman?" he bellowed, glaring at her.
She bit her lip lightly and was quiet for a while before she told him her father's number slowly.
He pressed the call button, putting it to his ear. He listened to it ring a few times, feeling like his heart would burst out of his chest before the man picked up the phone.
"Kinomoto residence's speaking," he answered.
Syaoran took a deep breath and released it. "H-hello, this is Li Syaoran speaking," he said.
"Oh, Dr. Li. I hope everything's going well with you on this morning. Merry Christmas," Fujitaka said gently.
Syaoran smiled a little. "Merry Christmas to you too. About that everything going well thing...I'm with Sakura right now and she's behind the weather, so she may not make it to dinner tonight," he explained.
"Oh, should I—"
"No, no, no. I have everything under control. I've been taking care of her, so don't worry about her. She will be better in no time. I just wanted to let you all know that she wouldn't make it," he said.
"I hope she gets better...if you guys need anything, let me know and we'll—"
"Please, with all due respect, she doesn't want you guys to worry, and neither do I. I promise to have your daughter back into better health," he promised.
"Alright. I'm putting my trust in you, son," he said.
Syaoran could feel his heart explode like fireworks in his chest at that. Or, so it felt that way.
"Th-thank you. I'll keep you guys updated," he stuttered.
"Send her my regards and tell her to keep her phone on her, please," he said.
"Y-Yes sir," he said, not able to tell him that it was at his place.
Fujitaka said his farewells before they hung up.
Syaoran turned back around to the bed, only to see her eyes closed with her mouth slightly parted as she breathed through her mouth. He sat in the chair beside the bed that he brought in here earlier.
He caressed her soft hot cheeks gently, staring at her face. He wished he could do something more to make her feel better but knew he could not.
Antibiotics was the first thought that came to his mind, but he did not want to leave her for too long and the hospital was not closer than the pharmacy store.
He would just have to wait it out as her body fought it off.
"You know..."
He looked at her as soon as he heard her voice. "Shh..." he said gently, caressing her face.
"Last night, I dreamed of Eichii again after years..." she said, keeping her eyes closed. "Just as I made my mind up about trying us out...I dream of him."
His eyes softened, hearing the tears in her voice, though she had her eyes closed.
"It was of...the last night I saw him." Her voice cracked, breaking his heart.
He did not say anything, knowing it was breaking her to talk about this, but she had to. She had told him herself; talking about things could help a person feel better. He wanted to be here for her like she had been for him.
"We had just had an argument about nothing, really...I saw all the signs...that told me he didn't want to live anymore. I ignored them and... that happened..." she trailed off.
"What happened?" he finally asked.
And to his surprise, she told him what happened. Everything. Even down to the physical, mental, and emotional abuse.
When she finished, she had not even cried during the entire time of her talking. She just sounded exhausted and torn.
"So... this is why I can't trust you so easily or myself. That is what I mean by...fix myself first," she said quietly.
"Could you open your eyes and look at me?" he asked gently.
He understood so much more about her now. He still would not disregard her actions up until now, but he felt that he understands her a lot more now.
"No... I don't have the strength to cry right now," she said.
He caressed her hair again. "Okay, don't. Do you know how you will fix the problem, though?" he asked gently.
She shook her head slightly. "Remember the pivotal event that started the behavior," she said.
"Which was?"
She was quiet for a moment, making him patiently wait.
"Eichii...said something," she said quietly. "It was one time..."
When she stopped talking, it made him think she might have just fallen asleep.
"'If you love me, you would understand where I'm coming from and support me in every way you can...' that's what he said," she said. "And, because I was much younger than I am now, I took that manipulative response and ran...and took that statement too far," she said quietly.
"Okay, and how—?"
"I feel like this would all end if I could see him one last time to just… talk to him. Know if everything I did was in vain. To hear why he did what he did...what happened out there when he was gone...something. I just...why can't I let this part of my past go? Why can't I become a better person already?"
"You're not a bad person, Sakura," he said, wanting her to feel better about herself.
Despite his realization of how she had been treating him until now, he could not just let her feel this way.
"Why did I do this to you, then? You don't deserve anymore pain than you already experience. You don't deserve anything but love, yet I..." she said brokenly.
Syaoran could slowly feel the guilt creep in for feeling hurt by her actions.
"And, please, don't feel bad. I don't want to seem like a manipulative person, because I'm not normally like that...and I..." She stopped, seeming at a loss for words to explain herself.
Because she told him to stop feeling guilty, and he saw that was not her intentions, the guilt washed away slowly. He did have a right to feel hurt.
"Okay..."
"What I've done to you is wrong and you do deserve better. I want you to know that, okay?"
Syaoran nodded, already knowing this. But now that she had opened up and told him everything about her past relationship, he knew why she acts the way she does.
Her and Eichii had been together for years, and he ended up changing after his deployment. Sakura had just been the one to take the backlash of it all.
While he thought that he was damaged goods, it was Sakura who has been this entire time. He could not understand how he did not see that until now.
He looked at her and nodded his head again. "You should get more rest," he said softly.
She hummed, pulling the blankets closer to her body. "I'm sorry you had to spend your Christmas like this..." she said softly.
"I'm with you, so that's enough for me," he said, leaning down to kiss her forehead.
"Don't watch me sleep..." she said before drifting off to sleep.
Syaoran smiled a little, sitting back in the chair, keeping his eyes on her flushed face.
The smile dropped from his face immediately, as he reminded himself that they would probably never be together. Unless...
There was only one more thing he could do to determine if they would be together. And that was help Sakura get better.
It would all start at the mental institution in Tokyo.
"Ahhh," Syaoran said, holding a spoon full of soup towards her mouth as she sat up on the bed.
"I've had enough," she said with a pout on her lips.
"One more spoon after this one," he said.
"You said that before this one," she whined.
He smiled, shaking his head. "I promise this time."
She let out a sigh before letting him feed her. After taking one more spoonful, she moved back from him. "There, no more," she said stubbornly.
Syaoran chuckled, sitting the bowl of soup down. "Okay. As promised, your majesty."
She sighed before looking at him with a sad smile on her face. "Thank you...I'm feeling a lot better."
"You've been sleeping all day, so I'd hope you feel better," he said, smiling at her.
"Still, thank you. Were you supposed to spend today with your sisters and Meilin?"
He shrugged. "It's fine. I'll see them before the year's out," he said.
"Still..."
"Stop it," he said. "Don't worry about anything besides your health."
"Okay..."
"You know...I thought I was the only one who didn't set up my place for Christmas," he said suddenly, looking around her room.
"It's just me and... I'm not here often during the month of December and I typically spend Christmas with my family at my father's. I see no need to," she explained.
He nodded. "I'm usually at the hospital."
"Oh...so this is your first time spending Christmas at home?" she asked timidly.
"Yeah. It's not like it's a big deal, though," he said nonchalantly.
She frowned. "I would have invited you to come over and spend it with my family if I had known..." she said quietly. "You met my dad, right?"
His cheeks colored, thinking back on their first meeting. He had humiliated himself to the utmost. "Y-Yeah..."
She laughed softly. "I wasn't even there to see..."
"You wouldn't have been able to bear it," he said, feeling his cheeks warm even more.
"Well, I'm sure it wasn't that bad," she said.
"I'm sure it was worse than you think," he said, shaking his head.
"Well, maybe next time I'll be there to see myself," she said.
When the slightest bit of hope rose in his chest, he was reminded that there would be no next time because they could probably never be together.
"I doubt there will be a next time," he said.
He would not let her give him any more hope than she already has.
Silence fell in the room at that statement, almost making him regret saying that.
"Syaoran...I... you..." She sighed. "I wish we could...make this work somehow. I just want to—"
"Let's take a trip to Tokyo for New Years—"
"Syaoran," she called.
"Sakura. Just...let me do this last thing for you and I'll get the hell out of your life like you want me to," he said, feeling his heart break all over again at hearing it out loud.
Her face showed how distraught she felt about hearing him say that. He could not understand why. She wanted this. Not him. She gave him nothing to work with, so he did not know what he could do anymore besides hurt and hope that she would give in to him hopefully.
Even if she wanted him to wait for her, he would wait. All she had to do was ask him and he would do it. Yet, she had only said they could not be together.
"So? Let's go to Ageha that night...and maybe we could spend a few days out there..."
"Tokyo is..." She shook her head. "I can't go out there."
"Yes, you can. And you will...I promise you won't regret it. You trust me, right?"
"I..."
Syaoran looked at her pleadingly. "Please...this has nothing to do with me, okay? I'll pay for everything...including two separate rooms. How could you ever move on if you can't even go and visit Tokyo? You have to do this, just like I'll have to visit my hometown and talk with that woman. If you do it, then I'll definitely do it and—"
"Okay, Syaoran," she said softly.
He smiled, glad he had convinced her to do it.
"Let's go on the 30th and we can head back here on the first," he said.
"Then what?" she asked softly.
He shrugged. "Then, we move on with our lives if you get your closure. I don't think you want to continue therapy with me anymore, so I'll just..."
"We can still be friends and... we'll see after that, okay? I still want to be here for you. I just..." She trailed off, seeming to be lost.
"We can be friends still," he said, feeling his own heart ache at that statement.
He could be her friend still, but he just wanted more.
"If you find someone else, then I can't..." He shook his head. "I can't be around to watch that."
"I won't. You know you're the one I—"
A knock on the door interrupted her statement, making him want to slam the person's face into a wall.
And then a thought crossed his mind, making him realize that he did not know so much about Sakura.
"Who's that?" he asked in a well-mannered tone.
There was no reason for him to make any assumptions about her seeing someone else. She had told him that she wanted him, so there was no reason to doubt her right now.
"I don't know. I'll—"
When she made a move to get up, he stood up first, pushing her back on the bed. "Don't you dare think about getting out of this bed until you're better," he said, giving her a pointed look. "I'll get it."
"But—"
"I'll get it," he said, already walking out of her room to the living room.
Not even bothering to look in the peephole, he unlocked the door, opening it.
"Why the hell did I know it was this gaki here with her?"
Syaoran looked at the two men standing in front of him before his eyes landed on the brunette in a glare.
When he thought his Christmas could not get any better than the woman he wanted being sick, her overprotective brother shows up.
Just fucking great.
A/N: Hello, everyone! I didn't get the chapters out as fast as I planned for myself to, but either way, Happy New Years! I'm hoping that everyone has a great year with a lot of positivity and great opportunities :).
Sooo, I did not expect to get so much support from the last chapter. That was the most reviews that I have ever gotten in one chapter, which was very overwhelmingly wonderful, so thank you guys so much! :D I really appreciate them. I tried to answer any questions, but I'm pretty sure I didn't get to respond to all of your reviews, because I've been too anxious to get the next chapter posted first, but I did read them all, as usual lol.
Anyway, I'm pretty sure that you guys did not expect the prologue to be in this chapter and for the chapter to end like this. I just decided to do it in Sakura's point of view so we could see what shes going through. There's still a little(extremely little, just to warn you all) more time before the big separation happens, because they do need the space to realize how much they are head over heels for each other. It will help Syaoran, but it will definitely help Sakura, seeing how much she got hurt by his rejection in this chapter.
I do have the next chapter done, but I have to wrap up a few things in it, so it shouldn't be long before I post it! Just give me 2-3 business days and it'll be posted :P. I'll end the note here to get the chapter posted.
Ja ne!