"The Darkness in the Tunnel"
Sakura woke to an empty bed, which she expected this time. She had slept wonderfully last night and even had sweet dreams.
She dreamed that she lived in a perfect world; no problems or anything negative.
It was just her and...Syaoran. Everything about that world had been perfect.
She trusted him with all her heart. She had never been so happy a day in her life, even when she first fell in love.
Everything was...perfect, that it made her realize how much she wanted to choose him.
She wanted to wake up to him every morning. She wanted to receive that kiss to the forehead before he would head off to work every morning. She wanted the three kids who would jump on their bed at eight on a Saturday morning, who had been in her dream.
There was no more nightmares, no more fear in her heart...everything was...perfect. She could not imagine her life not being like that after getting a glimpse and feeling of what it would be like.
A loud buzz made her sit up from her bed, seeing her phone light up on the nightstand by the bed.
Immediately, she reached over and grabbed it, swiping it across to answer the person calling.
"A-Aki, you're up awfully early," she said, feeling her heart beat out of her chest.
"I always wake up early. I should be saying that to you," he said with a chuckle.
She took a deep breath and then released it. "You would not believe where I am right now..." she said.
"Enlighten me," he said with amusement in his tone.
"Tokyo," she said quickly.
He was quiet for a while before he cleared his throat. "Uhh...why's that?" he asked quietly.
"Syaoran..." she said awkwardly.
There was no use in hiding anything from him anymore. Besides, Akinari was probably their only source of working if she truly wanted them to work.
After having that perfect dream, she realized that they could only work if she made them work, along with the help of Akinari. She had to fix this therapist-patient issue first before she could tell Syaoran anything else about her feelings.
Especially after that question he asked her last night.
Her cheeks warmed, just thinking about it.
"Oh, gosh, what is the man doing?" she heard him say under his breath.
"I don't know...but I'm just going to trust him..." she trailed off.
"Trust him?" Akinari questioned. "Sakura, you haven't trusted a guy since...you do know that, right?"
She nodded, though he could not see her. "I do know that, but I've been trusting Syaoran for a while now," she said honestly.
Now that she thought of it, she has been trusting him for a while. It had all started after he had told her that he was clean and that they could do it without any protection.
"How?" Akinari whispered.
She cleared her throat. "I don't know...It just...happened, you know? I know with his history it should almost be impossible, but...that's not who Syaoran is anymore," she said timidly. "Why'd you call?" she asked, hoping the conversation would shift.
"No, no, no. I'm interested in this," he said.
"Can we not have a therapy session over the phone?" she asked with a smile on her face.
She almost felt a little excited to tell him what she wanted to do. She knew she would have to break it down to him slowly, though. She could not be too certain that he would support her decision, especially with the way he reacted the first time. But, she knows that Akinari always has her best interest at heart.
"When's the next session? I hear more progress after years finally," he said excitedly over the phone.
"When I get back..." she said slowly.
"And when's that?"
"The first or second..." she said.
"Hey, how was...the other night? I've been trying to contact you for the last two days and you haven't responded until now," he asked.
She sighed. "It's complicated and a lot has happened within the last few days...but, everything's fine now. Syaoran has something planned that he says will...help me move on from my past, so I'm going to trust him with this. I'll let you know everything after I get back, okay?" she said.
"Shit..."
"What is it?" she asked.
"I hope it's not what I'm thinking it is. He should have more sense than that," he said, seeming to be talking to himself.
"What do you mean?" she asked, starting to feel worried about this.
He sighed. "Sakura, you do know you're one of the strongest women alive right now, okay?"
"Aki, what are you talking about? You're starting to freak me out, but I'm trying to stay calm," she said calmly.
She heard him sigh. "I have to get going. If you need anything, please call me," he said.
"O-Okay," she said, sounding more confused as ever after this call.
They bid each other goodbye before ending the call.
Sakura took a deep breath and shifted her body to the side so her legs could hang from the bed. Her entire body froze as a wave of shock glided down it.
Tokyo.
Tokyo.
The realization suddenly hit her that she is in Tokyo, the one place she swore to never return to and here she is, in one of the nicest hotels. In Tokyo.
What the hell was I thinking coming here?
She slid off the bed, landing on her trembling feet. She steadily walked over to the nightstand, grabbing the hotel key card.
She wanted to leave.
She looked around for her phone, needing to call Syaoran. She grabbed it from the bed with trembling hands. She dialed his number immediately, placing the phone against her ear. She bit her nails nervously, listening to the phone ring before he picked up.
"Sakura?"
"Syaoran, where are you?" she asked, hearing the rush in her own tone.
Calm down, Sakura!
"Sakura, what's wrong? Are you okay?" she heard him ask, sounding equally as worried as she about their absence apart.
"I…" She bit her lip, realizing she was only causing him to worry about her. "We're in Tokyo," she settled with, not wanting to send him in a frenzy.
She heard a soft sigh of relief on his end. "Yes, we are," he said in a shushed tone, making her notice that he had been quietly speaking in the phone this entire time.
"Why are we in Tokyo?" she asked, instead of addressing his quiet tone.
She had agreed that she would try and trust him, so this was just a test to see if she really could.
"We both have business here," he said shortly.
"What kind of business?" she questioned, not caring if she sounded like a nosy friend prying into his business.
"We'll talk about it when I get back, okay?" he said through the phone. "I promise."
"Where are you?" she asked in a timid voice, knowing she failed her own made-up test.
"Tokyo Metropolitan Matsuzawa Hospital," he answered into the phone without any hesitations, relieving her aching heart a bit.
"Oh…" Her face scrunched up a bit, wondering why he would be there. "Is there a reason you…"
"We'll talk about it when I get back, okay?" he said.
She bit her lip lightly, nodding her head, though he could not see. "Please hurry back. I hate being here alone…" she said quietly.
"I promise I won't be long. Just sit tight."
They bid each other goodbye before ending the call.
"Sit tight…" she said under her breath to herself as she walked back over to his bed.
How was she supposed to sit tight in a city where she nearly died, though?
Syaoran scrutinized his reflection on the black screen of his phone, clutching it tightly in his hand.
He had not expected Sakura to be awake so early. Or, at least he prayed that she would be sleeping until he arrived back to the hotel so he would avoid the explaining. Either way, he had to find a way to bring up them meeting Eichii today regardless.
And he guessed that would be the way.
"Dr. Li, are you ready?" a feminine voice registered in his ears.
Without moving his head, his eyes shifted to the nurse standing in front of him with a clipboard in her hand.
His eyes quickly drifted up her body until they landed on her blushing face.
A brow quirked on his face before he stood up, realizing he had no reaction to the attractive woman in front of him.
While she had on the tradition uniform, he could still see that she had a decent body.
It was not that he is truly checking the woman out or even thinking of her in any provocative way. However, he is still a man.
An attractive woman is an attractive woman and a human with decent eyesight can tell when there is an attractive person.
There was no denying that the woman is attractive, but he did not feel attracted to her.
He never thought he could think others were attractive without feeling attracted to them. He could not feel or think of any other woman in that way aside from Sakura, as odd as it sounded.
Guess that's what comes to being in love with a woman.
Syaoran stood from the chair, nodding at the woman. "Yes ma'am. How long did you say visiting hours are?"
"Well, visiting hours technically don't start until later this afternoon, but after I heard of your relations to him, I had to do a bit of convincing to my boss about what you had to do," she said.
He offered her a kind, small smile before nodding.
She cleared her throat when he did not say anything to clear the awkward air. He was not sure what she expected him to say or do with that information, so he found it best not to address her kindness.
"W-well, right this way," she said, nodding towards the door.
Syaoran followed behind her quietly, thinking about the woman back at the hotel waiting for him to get back. His heart felt heavy, yet anxious to get this part of their relationship over with.
He could not be too sure if this would change anything in their relationship, but he just knew that his heart told him to do this for her.
A lot of people may have told him that this was none of his business, but who else would do it if he did not choose to, is what he thought. Knowing that no one had not told her anything about her ex-lover being alive made him realize he had to be her savior.
She has a right to know.
"Dr. Li?" a voice snapped him out of his thoughts.
He looked up at the woman who is staring at him skeptically. "Hm?" he grunted.
"You have to be checked," she said, motioning to the security guard standing in front of them.
He held his arms out, letting the man run the scanner down his body.
He mentally huffed, glad he decided not to bring a weapon to skin the man alive.
"He's good," the guard said, opening the door.
The nurse led him inside the room.
His eyes scanned the room, seeing several patients sitting down, watching tv, and some even having conversations with each other or themselves.
He felt a little odd being around so many people who were...mentally unstable to live on their own; being a harm to others or themselves.
"Come on, Kobayashi-kun is over there," the nurse said.
Syaoran followed her over to said-man, wondering how he should act—think, in the presence of a man who hurt the woman he loves.
Cam down, Syaoran.
Stay calm.
We're here for Sakura...
"Mr. Kobayashi, you have a visitor," the nurse said, snapping Syaoran out of his thoughts.
Syaoran looked in the direction of the sandy brown haired man, realizing he looked the exact same from the photo in Sakura's apartment.
He had not even aged one bit, it seemed.
As soon as the man caught his eye, Syaoran froze, feeling the heat rise in his chest.
He knew it was the past, but he was staring into the eyes of the man who damaged his angel, destroyed her innocence, and even laid a finger on her before. He was starting to regret coming here now.
"Dr. Li?" Syaoran faintly heard the nurse call his name.
When Syaoran saw the figure stand from the chair, he could hear the sound that no person ever wanted to hear in a hospital; the sound of a straight line crossing the machine, signifying cardiac arrest of a patient.
For once in his life, he wished that he had not saved a life.
"This is the man who saved your life years ago, Mr. Kobayashi, aren't you going to greet him instead of staring?" the nurse asked.
Syaoran caught the man eye, seeing that he is just staring at him with a dull expression in his eyes.
"Dr. Li, right?" Eichii spoke after a few seconds of silent awkwardness.
Syaoran continued to stare in his eyes, searching for something—anything that the man could give him reason to smash his head into a wall without getting himself into trouble.
"Yup," he said shortly.
"Uh...well, I'll leave you two to it. I'll be back to check in on you in an hour before your next dosage," the nurse said.
Eichii nodded before the nurse left the two.
"Do you want to go out back?" Eichii asked conversationally.
Syaoran's brows scrunched together, wondering if the man was trying to bury his own grave.
Not wanting to miss the opportunity, he nodded. "Is that alright?" he asked, not wanting to get the man in actual trouble for doing something he is not supposed to be doing.
"Yeah. We're trapped in here, but not to the point of suffocation, you know. There's a balcony that we can sit out on in the back," he said, pointing to the direction.
Syaoran nodded before Eichii led him to where the balcony is.
"A lot of people have their assumptions about these type of places," Eichii said, still facing forward.
Syaoran stared at the back of his head, almost still seeing the bullet that had been resting in his brain before he got rid of it. "Like what?" he asked after a moment of silence.
Eichii shrugged. "That we're treated like animals...trapped in white rooms 24/7...used as test subjects. You know...everything these people don't treat us like here."
Eichii opened the door quietly, not seeming to want anyone to know they were going out back.
"I thought this was fine," Syaoran said, raising a brow.
Eichii abruptly turned to him, making him jump in defense.
"I'm assuming you're here to talk about Sakura," he said quietly. "This is fine, but essentially, I'd like more privacy right now."
He motioned for Syaoran to walk out first, but Syaoran suddenly felt skeptical about the man and being alone with him.
He had no doubts he would beat the man to death, but something seemed off about them going out here now.
"We have tv's here and the channels stay on the news. I can put two and two together, Dr. Satyromaniac," he said with a hint of humor in his tone.
Syaoran thought it not to be funny, but he went out first anyway, deciding to ignore the smart witty comment at the end.
Once he heard the door close, he turned towards Eichii, feeling even more alarmed now.
"Take a seat," Eichii said, motioning to the chair.
Syaoran clenched his jaw, holding himself back from snapping at the man any second now.
"So, why pay a visit to the man who fucked over one of the kindest women alive?" Eichii asked.
"You're supposed to be dead," Syaoran said, getting straight to the point.
He saw no point in beating around the bush about what he wanted to talk about. This was solely business; no personal feelings involved.
"Ah," Eichii emitted, walking towards the railing of the balcony. "Thanks to you, I'm alive."
There was no sarcasm or humor in his tone. He even sounded genuine about that.
"Why?"
Eichii sighed. "Maybe because some higher being out there just doesn't want me gone yet."
"Right," Syaoran scoffed sarcastically.
There was no way in heaven or hell would he believe that, considering how much the man had put his Sakura through.
"Why are you here? To do what you should've let happen years ago on that table?" he asked quietly.
"Sakura's..." Syaoran stopped, suddenly not sure why he is here.
One side of him told him that it was because he wanted to see the man who Sakura had fell for, while another side told him it was because he wanted to kill the man for putting her through so much pain. But then, the logical side told him that it was because he wanted to know how he could help Sakura.
"You love her," Eichii stated boldly.
"What?"
"I'm no fool, just because I'm here. I'm here by choice," he said. "And I know what love looks like...how it sounds. The way you just said her name..."
Syaoran swallowed, feeling awkward at that declaration. "You know why I'm here then."
"I can't just disappear off the face of earth," Eichii said comically.
A slight smirk played at Syaoran's lip. "That would be nice," he said.
"Sakura doesn't know I'm alive, because if she did, I wouldn't be here right now. We would still be together; miserably married with kids who sees what love isn't," Eichii said, answering Syaoran's unasked question.
Syaoran had to bite the inside of his cheek to hold himself back from barking at the man about the mention of Sakura being married with kids with someone other than himself.
That thought scared him more than anything ever had before.
"Sakura's still miserable and she isn't even with you, though," Syaoran said lowly, clenching his fist as the anger began to boil in his blood.
He wanted to make the man feel the lowest he had ever felt in his entire life. He wanted him to know that he had been the worst man alive. Syaoran wanted him to feel how he had always felt before he met Sakura. But something made him stop.
Something told him that...blaming the man and making him feel like the lowest human alive would fix nothing.
It would just create more problems that could be avoided if he stayed mature in this situation. It would show that he is still the same person before he met Sakura. But he was not.
"I know, but...I thought it would be best for me to be out of her life to get her out of harm's way," Eichii said quietly.
Syaoran looked at him, seeing a dark gloomy look in his hazel eyes. "Why are you here?" he asked in a demanding tone, not wanting to show any sympathetic emotions toward the man.
"Why every mentally ill person is here," he said. "We're either a danger to ourselves or...a danger to society...other people. I knew this would be the only way to protect Sakura and...myself," he said quietly.
"Hiding here has done nothing for Sakura," Syaoran said, looking out at the view before them.
It was snowing, but the view of the buildings in Tokyo still looked nice.
"How is she? She is doing alright now, right?" he asked. "I know I don't have a right to ask, but...I think about her every single da—"
Within a blink of an eye, Syaoran was at his side, gripping his throat tightly with one hand. "You're right, you don't have a single damn right to ask about what or who you fucking damaged, but I sure as hell don't want to hear about a man who fucked over the woman I love, still thinking about her," Syaoran said tightly, gripping his neck tighter.
Hearing Eichii say that almost sounded like he was saying that he still loves her; want her. He sure did not want to hear the man saying that about the woman he loves.
Eichii barely gasped, grabbing Syaoran's wrist tightly. "D-Dr. L-Li," he choked out, though he did not use all his strength to stop him. "S-sec-urity wi-ll show!"
Syaoran squeezed a little tighter to suffice his own pleasure before he released his neck, pushing him back a little to not really end his life.
He was a doctor after all. He knew the limits a human could take before snapping a cord. He just needed a reason right now to hurt the man, which was easily given.
Eichii coughed, trying to gasp for air as he grabbed his own throat to sooth himself, it seemed.
"She's suffering. She dreams about that night. She dreams about the abuse—about every single fucked up thing you did to her. So no, she isn't doing alright," Syaoran said, moving away from him before he did something else to hurt the man.
Eichii took one last deep breath before turning to Syaoran. "I never meant to hurt her," he said, sounding a little hoarse, like Syaoran expected him to. "I didn't want to hurt Sakura, just like you don't want to—"
"Don't you dare compare me to you, asshole," he said tightly, almost making a move to finish what he started earlier.
"You won't understand. You won't ever understand because you're just like every other fucked up individual in this world who automatically associates mentally ill people as the worst humans alive," Eichii said, glaring at Syaoran now, to his surprise.
"What is there to understand about you fucking over one of the best people alive? How could I ever see reason for what you did to her?" Syaoran asked, encouraging the glaring battle between them.
"That I didn't want to hurt her; that I don't want to hurt myself or anyone, but it just happens because it's out of my control. It's not easy living with myself; knowing how much I've hurt so many people in my life. It's not..." Eichii stopped, closing his eyes tightly as his body began to tremble. "Why did you come here?"
When Syaoran heard the tremble in his voice as well, he knew Eichii was having a hard time.
"Sakura needs to see you again. She needs closure..." he said quietly.
"No," Eichii said immediately, surprising Syaoran.
"No?"
"She doesn't know I'm alive for a reason. I want to keep it that way," he said. "She hasn't been back to Tokyo since she left that hospital. I don't want to cause her anymore pain than I already have," he said the last part sadly. "I've kept everyone silent about it for this long, so I want to leave it be."
"And that's the thing. Not knowing you're alive is causing her to have this unbearable pain she's had to live with. She still blames herself for your death. She still thinks she could have done more to help you if she had just tried hard enough. She..." Syaoran closed his eyes tightly, not wanting to admit this out loud, but knew he had to even if it hurt him. "She still loves you."
Eichii looked at him; his eyes wide before he shook his head slowly. "Don't be naive, doctor. Any man who has the balls to face a mentally ill man who hurt the woman they love would see that...you're the man she loves because there's a reason you love her so much. She feels something to make you realize that she's the woman you want to spend the rest of your life with. That's how Sakura is."
Syaoran looked at him, feeling skeptical about his declaration. "She needs to see you to talk to you."
Eichii huffed, turning away from Syaoran stubbornly. "I can't see her. I'll just hurt her again," he said in a finalizing tone.
"Why? What has she ever done to you? I know she's been nothing but kind to you, so why would you ever want to hurt her?" Syaoran asked, glaring at the side of his head.
"I don't want to. She's just a trigger for me. Seeing her reminds me of that and them. I've been doing so much better since she's been gone and I'm not happy about that, but it is better for my own mental health. I can't..." He shook his head. "No, I won't see her. There's nothing you can do to convince me to see her again."
"What does she remind you of? The people? The place? What was it?" Syaoran asked, realizing he would not be able to get to the man through talking.
"Leave. I'm done with this conversation. I'm done with the nonsense about Sakura or me seeing each other again. It's just not going to happen!" Eichii exclaimed, holding his head now as if his head were hurting.
Syaoran kept quiet, not wanting to make matters worse for him. He had to take this slow and be understanding of him. He had to do something that would make the man see that he really needed to see Sakura.
He turned to Eichii with a hard look in his eyes. He could not think of anything else he could do aside from this—even if it meant throwing all his pride away.
"Kobayashi-kun," Syaoran called sternly, making Eichii turn to him with furrowed brows.
Syaoran did the unthinkable; he dropped down on his knees, kneeling before the man. He dropped his head a little, closing his eyes tightly so he does not have to see the ground. "Please...please, just...let her look at you. Let her see you're alive and well. Just so she knows that...everything she did was not in vain," he whispered the last part.
"D-Dr. Li," Eichii stuttered, sounding more surprised than Syaoran himself about his actions.
He did not even want to look up and see the look on the man's face. He could barely believe he is kneeling before the man who nearly killed the woman he loves.
Just a few minutes ago he was trying to kill the man and now, he was on his knees and begging him for something.
How contradicting.
"Okay," Eichii said once he realized Syaoran would not give up.
Syaoran released the breath he had been holding, looking up at him. "Yes?" he asked.
"If you truly believe this will help Sakura...I'll see her," he said slowly.
"Answer her questions too..." Syaoran said gently.
Eichii was quiet for a moment, making Syaoran believe he might not answer that.
Before either of them spoke another word, the door opened, ending the conversation between them.
"What are you all doing out here, Mr. Kobayashi? I wasn't even aware you were out here," a voice said from the door.
The two looked in the direction, seeing an unfamiliar man with a white lab coat on.
"I wanted some fresh air, is all," Eichii said casually.
Syaoran looked at Eichii, seeing a neutral look on his face as if they had not just had a difficult discussion.
"Why don't you two come in to have authorized supervision—what happened to your neck?" the doctor asked, sounding alarmed as his eyes landed on Eichii's neck.
Syaoran looked in the direction too, seeing a light red line on his neck.
"I had one of my episodes this morning," Eichii said before Syaoran could speak up about it.
Syaoran looked at him, surprised by the lie.
"I didn't hear of this. You two surely don't need to be out here. Come inside," the doctor said, opening the door for them to walk through.
"None of the nurses know of this," Eichii said, passing the doctor. "I just...moment of weakness, but I'm fine now. I was just getting ready to see Dr. Li out. He says he'll be back later with another visitor. I will have more visiting hours later on today, right? I didn't know I was so popular."
Syaoran just stared at Eichii, not believing the man is cooperating so easily after throwing a fit a few moments ago. He was even joking around and acting as if none of that had occurred between them.
"I don't know yet. We have a session in a few and I'll let you know from there," the doctor said.
"Come by later, Dr. Li. Thank you for visiting," Eichii said, nodding at Syaoran to reassure him that it would be fine.
"Uh...okay," Syaoran said, almost sounding a little unsure.
"It's good to see you again, Dr. Li," the doctor said, nodding at Syaoran before him and Eichii left him alone.
When the two disappeared from his sight, Syaoran released a breath he did not even know he was holding.
That had went way different than he even thought it could go. He had not expected Eichii to cooperate so easily and give in to the idea of meeting Sakura.
How am I going to bring it up to Sakura now?
Sakura stared at her image in the mirror, feeling her heart drum against her chest hard as she attempted to fluff up her curled hair.
It was official. She would give Syaoran a chance.
After coming to the solution that it is time to move on, she felt like Syaoran would be the man she wanted to move on with.
She would talk to Akinari when they got back to Tomoeda. She would ask him if he could be Syaoran's therapist, so she would not lose her license or get into any trouble.
She may not have felt like she could fully trust Syaoran, but that was only because she had not been allowing herself to. With time and dating, she knew she could trust Syaoran.
He had her best interest at heart; she could tell.
She was not sure what Syaoran was telling her last night, but she does feel sure that he was telling her that he wanted to be with her.
One part of her told her that he was trying to tell her that he is in love with her, but the other part had been telling her not to jump that far ahead of herself.
Syaoran wanted her. And she wanted Syaoran, so nothing else should matter after that if they would make each other happy.
She rubbed her glossed lips together before a small smile appeared on her lips, seeing how attractive she looks right now.
She had threw on a simple, burgundy sweater dress that reached a few inches above her knees with grey leggings to keep her warm for the weather. She applied the very minimum makeup to her face, wanting to look appropriate enough for Syaoran when he would get back.
She wondered what he had planned for them today.
"Sakura, it's me coming in," she heard his voice from a distant.
She could have sworn her heart almost dropped to the bottom of her stomach in excitement to tell him the news.
She did not even know if he would accept her back with opened-arms, but a huge part of her told him that he would.
She took a deep breath, examined herself one last time in the mirror, and then walked out of the bathroom to greet him.
As soon as the door opened, her eyes lit up, seeing him stand at the door in all of his sexiness. She rushed over to him, wrapping her arms around his body tightly before he could even walk in the door fully.
She buried her face in his chest, inhaling his intoxicating scent that almost made her melt into a puddle of mush. "I missed you," she said into his shirt.
He wrapped his arm around her waist and rest the other in the back of her hair gently. "I-I missed you too," he stuttered, sounding like he was caught off guard from her sudden change of behavior.
Of course he is, silly!
"Where did you go?" she asked, pulling her head back from his chest to look up at him worriedly.
"I—"
"It doesn't matter. I'm just glad you're back," she said, moving her hands up to his neck, pulling him down so she could close the gap between their lips.
When his lips automatically responded to hers, she smiled against his lips and deepened the kiss immediately.
She moaned, pulling him in the hotel room as her tongue slid between his lips, exploring his mouth. The moment she heard the door close behind him, he had her pinned against the wall beside the door within a blink of an eye.
His teeth grazed against her lip gently before he tugged at her lower lip. When his hands slid up her body, she moved one of her legs up his side, making her dress rise.
To her surprise, Syaoran pulled back from her lips, staring in her eyes with a dark look in his eyes. "What are you doing?" he whispered against her lips.
"Let's do this—try us. I want to be with you," she said, caressing his face.
"What?" he said, moving back from her body a little.
"We can both work through our problems, but, you can have a different therapist. I'll sit in on the sessions with you, so you could feel more comfortable. That way, two birds are killed with one stone. I'll deal with my own issues and continue to see Aki and you—"
"No, I don't want any other therapist than you," he said, frowning at her now.
"Syaoran, I can't be your therapist and girlfriend. Since Aki knows about us and you being my patient, I could always just hand over all of your charts to him, and that way, it'll just seem like he's been your therapist this entire time and you can do therapy with him. He works at your hospital, so it'll also be easier for you to have access to a therapist when—"
He shook his head slowly, looking lost about everything being said. "Sakura, no, I can't talk with anyone besides you about my issues," Syaoran said, sounding offended that she had even suggested that.
"I won't be able to feel morally right being with you then if you're still my patient. I'll be there with you during every session, if you want. We can't work if I'm your therapist, or it'll just be a repeat of my past and I…" She stopped, not wanting to talk about that right now.
She just wanted Syaoran to understand her and agree with her so they could finally be together the right way. She would have to face the consequences of being with a man with his history in Tomoeda, but she would be willing to do that, as long as he would agree to this.
"Sakura, I…"
"Syaoran, it's that or nothing. I…"
"I can't talk about my sex life with a man who's friends with the woman I want to be. Quite frankly, I don't even want him being your friend, but I'll have to accept that if I want to be with you, which I do. I can't let him be the therapist too. I don't want him involved in our relationship. I just want this to be us and no one else," he said the last part sadly.
"Finding another therapist will just cause higher risks for my career if I have to give your charts to another therapist and then that therapist sees us together in the media. Syaoran, we have to do this with Aki. He's the only other psychologist I trust with your problems. Just, please trust me," she whispered the last part, cradling his face now as she stared in his eyes longingly.
She wanted him to trust her with this. They would only work if they did this her way.
"Sakura, I…"
"Just trust me. Have I ever failed you before?" she asked, pulling him down to kiss her lips again before he could even answer the question.
Syaoran closed his eyes tightly, responding back to her lips fervently as he grabbed her legs, hitching her up.
She wrapped her legs around his waist, while he walked them over to the hotel bed, being sure to keep their lips locked with each other's.
He placed her on the bed gently, crawling on top of her to straddle her body. Once his lips left hers, he began to kiss down her face slowly until he reached her neck.
She closed her eyes, feeling her skin break out in goosebumps as he placed featherlike kisses all over her neck.
"Syaoran," she called softly, moving her hands up to his messy mane, grabbing it gently. "I've never felt this way about anyone before," she added without thinking.
When those words left her mouth, Syaoran's lips stopped caressing her skin, to her surprise. He pulled back from her face, staring down at her with both hands resting beside her head. "Sakura."
"What's wrong?" she asked, rubbing his arm.
She could sense something was off about him, because he never hesitated to make love to her. He was always ready.
Her eyes fell down to his pants, seeing that he is, in fact, aroused right now.
"Today, I…" He blurted but stopped suddenly.
Her heart tightened in her chest in anticipation, hoping that he would not tell her what she is thinking he would.
"No, it's nothing like that, baby," he said as if he could read her mind.
"What is it then?" she asked, starting to sit up a little to make him move.
He moved from on top of her body. "Today, I went to a mental institution," he said.
Her brows scrunched together, moving away from him a little. "What's going on, Syaoran?" she asked.
"You just told me to trust you, Sakura—"
"Which you never said you do," she said defensively now.
"I do, Sakura. I do trust you, which is why I'm expecting the same from you right now about this," Syaoran said, grabbing her wrist gently.
"What's at the institution here, Syaoran? Who is?" she asked, closing her eyes tightly.
She could not help but feel like this piece of information would change everything. She does not know what, but it would change everything.
"Sakura, I…"
"Who is it, Syaoran!?" she asked loudly, annoyed that he would not just say it.
"Eichii," he blurted.
She froze, sitting quiet for a while as she tried to process what he had just spit out, out of the blue.
That is not even possible.
"Eichii's…gone, Syaoran. Have you…gone mad?" she asked slowly, turning to look at him now. "I've told you this before already."
"No, Sakura. It was a lie. He's been alive and well for all of these years," Syaoran said.
She let out a humorless laugh, yanking her wrist back from him. "Don't kid around with things like this, because it's not funny, Syaoran," she said, sliding off the bed to get some space.
She suddenly felt hot and smothered being in this room with him.
Syaoran stood up with her, moving over to her. "It's not a joke," he said cautiously.
She held her hand up defensively when she saw him come a little too close. "No, Syaoran! Don't come any closer!" she said, backing away from him like a child from a stranger.
He stopped approaching her, dropping his hands down. "It's not a joke, Sakura," he repeated, making her release a noise of frustration at the lies.
None of this was making sense to her right now.
"No, no, no. This is all wrong," she said, shaking her head slowly. "This isn't funny—no! Where is he? Where is he, Syaoran? I have to see him for myself. I have to feel him alive, because it's not possible. I saw him kill himself. He shot himself, Syaoran, so it's not possible he's alive. I can't, I can't, I can't—Syaoran!"
She knew she sounded like a mad woman, but nothing made sense to her anymore. None of this was possible when she saw with her own eyes. She does not even know what she is saying or feeling about all of this.
It's just not possible!
She felt strong arms wrap around her trembling form. "Sakura," he called gently.
She squirmed in his arms, trying to escape, but he would not release her. "Syaoran, I can't—"
"We can go see him—just so you know and see for yourself," he said immediately.
She pushed back from his chest tightly, looking up at him, feeling the most vulnerable than she had ever felt in her life. "W-we can? Where is he?" she asked anxiously, staring in his eyes pleadingly.
He had already said where he had been all morning like three times, but she wanted more reassurance. She wanted confirmation that he is still alive.
She needed to see this for herself.
A dark gloomy look clouded his eyes briefly before a loving expression appeared. "Tokyo Metropolitan institution," he said. "That's where I've been all morning."
She took a deep breath before releasing it as she tried to get her raging heart under control. "Let's go."
A/N: Yes, I'm still alive and have not abandoned this story. I'm so sorry, guys! I've just had a hell of a lot going on with university, personal life, getting ready for graduation, and blah, blah, blah, the list goes on, so it's not that I've forgotten about you guys!
I've had an idea about how this chapter would go for the last two months since the last update, but I have been having such a hard time putting it all into a chapter, which really sucked, if I'm honestly speaking. I feel completely off about this chapter and the flow of the story, as far as their conversations went here. Soooo, if you guys see some minor changes later on in a few hours, it's because my head is screwed on correctly to better the chapter lol.
It was hard writing Syaoran and Eichii's scene, considering I didn't want too much to be revealed about Eichii to Syaoran before Sakura gets the scoop. Ahhh, I feel like I need to rewrite that entire scene and this chapter, but for your sake's and my own insanity, I'll leave it be lol.
Anyway, Sakura's finally realized that she wants to try with Syaoran after the dream. She seems certain, but...does the ending make you guys wonder if she will change her mind if she sees Eichii and talk with him? Will she really see Eichii after all these years? Will old feelings be rekindled? Will Sakura attempt to strangle him like our Syaoran did? Or...will Sakura get her closure and decide to still try with Syaoran as she's realized he's the one she wants to be with now?
So many possibilities and routes I could take, but I'm not even quite sure which one I will be taking for sure :P. I'm super excited to write the scene between Sakura and Eichii, so I will stop this A/N's so I could start on it.
My spring break just started today, so you guys will get more updates this week!
Ja ne!