"It Starts with You"
Syaoran sighed, flipping through the papers as he signed more paperwork that he had been behind on for the last two months. He had a meeting tomorrow with the board and had been behind way more than normal.
Granted, he is always behind, simply because of the amount of paperwork the chief of a hospital had to do but he had been throwing everything off lately for his personal life.
First, he took all those days off for Christmas and New Year's with Sakura and then the trial had started as soon as they got home.
He knew the board would have so many questions about that because he had an agreement with them. He had told them that he would have all his work as chief up and be the leader over the trial.
After things had been hectic on Tuesday with Sakura and one of his patients responding negatively to the medicine, along with his past haunting his thoughts, he knew he needed to take one or two steps back to evaluate himself and his health, both mentally and physically.
He had been feeling sick all day yesterday, running on little to no sleep and not talking to Sakura much after the incident had made it no better. It had been two days since he last saw her, and they had only been able to send a few text between now and then. There had been so much going on at the hospital that he barely had a wink of sleep. He was running on adrenaline and coffee.
Today, he decided to give instructions to his top doctors that he trust in the trial to run things so he could take a breather and get these papers done or at least some of them for the meeting he had tomorrow. Writing and signing had never been so therapeutic until now. It gave him time to think on his actions for the last few days.
He had not lost his cool like that since the beginning of their relationship. He had found other ways to cope with his emotions instead of projecting them on other people. He knew when something bad happened and he felt overwhelmed, not to turn to sex to make himself feel good temporarily. Just like he knew to cut conversations short at lunch with the guys when he knew he was starting to get hotheaded, so for him to snap like that when he found out her secret, he knew better than that.
She had put so much work and effort into helping him realize and work through his emotional problems and thoughts, yet she had been the very person he exploded on again. She did not deserve a person like him.
But, he was not willing to give up on having a good thing because he deserves some good in his life too. All his life, he beat himself up, believing he deserved any bad that came his way, but now, he knew he deserves some kind of good too. He just had to better himself into a person she does deserve. That had to count for something, he hoped.
He had been overdoing it and his actions were starting to show that. He had even cried in front of her the other day. It had felt so humiliating reading that text and feeling that way about it, so he felt glad that he had been paged to come back to work to stop that weak, pathetic side from staying.
He did not even want to think about the source that caused that negative emotion to spark.
Sadness is not a negative emotion.
Even though Sakura had told him that there were no bad emotions, because they were all signs of being human, he still felt like being sad or angry are emotions of weakness. No matter how many times she told him that it is okay to cry, it still felt wrong. He still always felt guilty when feeling upset about anything important, including his past.
He just wanted to feel like a sane, normal human. He wanted to feel sad, but not guilty for feeling sad. He wanted to feel upset, like any other person, without feeling guilty for feeling that emotion. It felt the same with any emotion, even happiness.
He could not understand why he felt like this.
He suddenly wanted to have another session to discover more about himself.
He had not even fixed this mess with the hospital yet, so he was not even sure that they would be going on that date anymore.
He placed his pen on the desk, thinking about where he could start to fix everything going on.
He knew he had to start with himself.
Approaching Sakura like that had been unacceptable, even to himself. There was a better way he could have confronted her instead of going about it the way he did. There is always a better way, but Syaoran was well-aware that he had taken the wrong way this time even with there being a lot of better ways.
He said that he trusts Sakura, so he could not understand why he always felt this raging jealousy when it came to her best friend. Granted, they had went on one date and shared a kiss, so...
He could feel himself getting heated at the thought of it before he pushed the feeling to the side. Sakura had said there was nothing else going on between them, so he would have to go with that.
He could not believe he nearly sabotaged their relationship with his jealousy. He had to do better if he wanted this to work. He had to be the best that Sakura deserves, which meant that he needed to learn to deal with his feelings on his own sometimes so he would not make the same mistakes and let things build up.
He took out his phone, knowing exactly what he had to do to start doing that. He went to the text message he had abandoned earlier this week after leaving Sakura's practice.
'I'm delighted to hear from you. Your absence has affected us all.'
The longer he stared at the text, the more it made less sense to him. He thought about the last words she had spoken to him. They were so cruel, yet so sincere that it contradicted this text she had sent him earlier this week.
She had been so angry...furious at him for making the decision to leave Hong Kong for good.
He could vividly remember the whole scene as his mind drifted back to that day.
"You can't just leave like this!" his mother had yelled as he stuffed his clothes in a suitcase.
She had been begging him to stay there after finding out that he had told his father that he could no longer stay in Hong Kong.
Until this day, Syaoran could not understand why he did not have the strength to fight back or say anything to her. He had just ignored her as if she were not even talking to him...as if she did not exist to him. That was something she hated the most, so the next few words had come as no shock to him when she had started shouting all kinds of profanities to degrade him.
"You are such a horrible son who does nothing good for his mother! You're a disgrace who will never make it in this life! I hate you! I HATE YOU! I hope you never come back!"
If she had truly meant that with all her heart, why had she just sent this text now? She had a history of doing this, so it barely came as a surprise to him. She had never said anything this nice before though.
Subtle nice things is the only thing she had ever been capable of, which had been the things that he held on to growing up, hoping that there was a small amount of love there for him.
He just wished he could speak his mind and tell her how he truly feels about her and everything that has happened in his life. He did not want to get into the habit of pointing a finger, but he has started to realize that a lot of issues that he has now were thanks to his childhood that she just happened to be a part of. He could only thank Sakura for this.
He stared at the text for a few more minutes before he found himself typing out a message without much thought into it.
Remembering all the things he used to feel in those moments with her made him feel a bit desensitized to how he normally feels about all of this. He had somehow stopped feeling anything towards the end when he discovered he needed out of that life. Any horrible thing she had shouted at him in the end all went on deaf ears, already being used to her cruel behavior.
Everything he felt growing up all seemed to be forgotten in that last moment as he left her to degrade him in the worst way possible.
Thinking about that moment made this moment of texting her back so much easier.
Without much thinking into reading over the text, he sent the message, not caring about the outcome of the text.
If she had texted back and decided to spew such hatred in a text, he would know that she is still the same woman and he has no interest in talking to her. He would block her out of his life and not even think about her anymore or giving her a chance to explain her side of things. He would have nothing to want to do with her anymore, which he would be able to prove to Sakura that he would not want that closure because she made things clear on her part.
Sakura would finally see what he had been talking about this entire time about the woman, so everything would be at peace with the matters of his mother.
He stopped writing for a moment, thinking about what he had just done without the help of anyone else. He had finally did something about that woman without Sakura having to baby him with it. Even though he did not know how he would react to her response, he still felt an accomplishment with himself for doing this small thing.
He had started with himself, so now he would have to address the most important thing to him, which is Sakura. He had to squash the Sakura drama because her name had no business roaming around this hospital, even when she did not even work here.
He just did not want to point a blaming finger at one specific person and be wrong. He had been an asshole already by sleeping with these women in the past so pointing at the wrong person would only add fuel to the fire.
For a minute, he thought that it might be the widowed woman, considering she would have been the most attached to him since he had been the first man she had slept with after her husband passed, but he remembered their conversation about not wanting to get in a relationship in the beginning as they were just looking for one thing; a distraction.
But then again, he told all those women that there would be no relationship verbally and they reciprocated the same feelings.
He sighed, feeling this frustration get even worse. He thought of asking the doctor who delivered the message but knew she did not know the source since she said more than one of the women were spreading the rumor. Perhaps he had to pull the trigger after all.
Syaoran leaned against the pole at the top of the stairs as he stared at everyone down the stairs.
Everyone was having their own side conversations, as the meeting did not start until 10 that morning. He had made an announcement to the hospital about there needing to be a meeting with a few departments of the hospital.
He could not think of any other way to address rumors and extra things going on in the hospital, other than this way; to call everyone in at the same time to get to the bottom of things. He was not even just trying to address one person, more like everyone so the work environment could be a lot healthier to work in. And peaceful.
As soon as the clock hit 10, Syaoran's attention turned to the crowd, getting everyone's attention immediately.
Once everyone took the hint and received bumps and nudges from their coworkers, the room went silent.
Syaoran cleared his throat, already knowing how he had planned to go about this.
"I'm sure many of you have no clue why I called a meeting today, but several things need to be addressed today in regards to your jobs, the environment we work in, and us, as people. This includes myself as well, considering I have been a part of it. Everyone is welcomed to contribute to the conversation, as I want the air cleared about a lot of things here."
Everyone nodded, agreeing to do so.
"First, we're going to address what's recently been going around in this hospital; rumors."
As soon as he said it, it went completely silent, to his surprise.
"There's a lot of he said, she said, and they said things going around and that is unacceptable as you all know. When drama comes to the work place at a place like a hospital, people's lives are at risk. Hundreds of people are putting their lives in our hands, so the least we could do is give them that certainty that they can trust us. Are there any objections to this?"
It was quiet for a moment before someone raised their hand, making his eyes fall on the person with the raised hand.
He nodded for the woman to speak. "Not an objection, but more so about others letting their personal lives interfere with their performance at their jobs. People seem to take everything they're feeling out on everyone else."
Syaoran was not sure what that meant or who the jabs were being thrown at, so he just decided to nod and agree with her.
"That is true. And we care about the health of every worker who works here, which is why we have resources to make sure our workers are being taken care of. We have multiple mental health professionals here to fix that, so no one is being unattended to," he explained, realizing the meaning behind that statement.
Even though he had set that up that way, he had never used the resource himself.
When she did not verbally respond to him, he took that as a sign to go after she nodded.
"I know everyone watched the news and saw that I was on the screen with a particular woman. I'm not proud to say that I've been careless in my actions in the past up until now. I've made a ton of mistakes, which I have no obligations to explain to anyone. However, as much wrong as I've done here, I would like to let everyone know that I am deeply sorry for causing chaos throughout these past few months. I do have an obligation to hold up a standard and image that shows our hospital as professional. I have realized that I've failed to do so in the years here," he said.
He wanted to make things right. With everything.
"I plan to try my best to do and be a better leader over remarkable people and if I've ever done any..." he paused, wanting to rephrase that statement, knowing full well that he had done wrong by so many people in this hospital. "For those that I have done wrong to, it is my deepest regrets and I hope that one day you all could forgive me."
"We aren't grudge-holders here, right, guys?"
Syaoran looked to the person who said it, almost rolling his eyes at the man. But at the same time, he was glad that he was very supportive of his decision to do this.
Everyone verbally agreed, or at least nodded their head to Haraka's question to Syaoran's relief.
At least he knew that no one hated him.
"I'm going to do my part, but I hope everyone else see to do theirs too. We're going to treat each other with respect, leave our personal problems and drama at home. I don't want to hear another person address or come up with any more rumors. No one's love life is going to be further discussed, including people who don't work in this hospital," he said sternly.
He wanted to say Sakura's name so badly, but knew he could not do it that way. He had to address this professionally if he was going to do this.
"If I hear anyone...I don't care who it is or what our relationship is or was before, bring up any more drama or rumors about anything, your job is on the line. I had a doctor try and bring up drama in the surgical room with an opened patient. I know this has been a normal thing over the years, but it won't be anymore. I don't care who starts the drama, if you're talking about it, you're knocking on the door to being fired. Is that clear?" he said.
Everyone was quick to agree or nod their heads with a slight look of fear on their face.
"I have ears and eyes everywhere, so if you're talking about anything with anyone else, it'll get back to me. I hate to take this approach and be that person, but I'm left with no choice here but to do that. I don't want anyone to go jobless, but if I have to, I will," he threatened in a calm tone. "Are there any questions or concerns about drama and rumors before we drop this subject and any drama for good in this hospital?"
It went completely silent that if a pen were to drop, it could be heard.
"I guess we're crystal clear. We aren't in high school anymore, so let's stop acting like it," he said. "If there's no questions about it, I'm going to move on with the next topic."
From there, he told everyone what would be happening in the new year for and in the hospital and everyone gladly engaged in this conversation.
Once the meeting finished, he released everyone to go back to their destinations.
He sighed, running a hand through his hair as a weight seemed to be lifted off him slightly. He just hated that he would really fall through with firing anyone else who brought any controversial topics up again.
"Li-kun, could we talk for a bit?"
Syaoran looked in the direction of the voice, getting unbearably irritated at the person standing in front of him. He had successfully avoided the man since he found out that he had once dated his woman, but the man was willingly approaching him right now. Syaoran wanted to punch the calm look off his face.
Change, Syaoran.
Treat others with respect.
Do what you preach.
"We have nothing to talk about," Syaoran said coldly, clenching his jaw tightly to hold back from biting the man's head off.
"It's about Sakura."
At the mention of Sakura, the alarms went off in his head, forgetting about his hatred for the man. "What's wrong? Did something happen to her? Is she okay?" he asked worriedly.
Akinari shook his head before motioning him to follow him.
For a moment, he thought about not following the man, but changed his mind immediately, remembering this is about Sakura.
Akinari led them to his office before Syaoran was stopped by a soft voice.
"Dr. Li."
He turned around, only to see a woman he was not familiar with. "I need to talk with you about something in regards to the meeting," she said.
"Give me a moment. I have matters to tend to with Dr. Akinari first," he said in a dismissing tone.
"Okay, I'll wait here," she said, leaning against the wall.
Syaoran nodded before Akinari told him to follow him to his office. "Things aren't going to get pretty talking to that woman," Akinari said calmly and quietly.
Syaoran raised a brow, wondering what he meant by that.
Syaoran walked in first before Akinari followed behind him, closing the door behind him.
"What's the deal? Why's Sakura feeling uncomfortable with you and your workers?" Akinari asked as soon as the door clicked behind him.
"Excuse me?"
"I'm...as much as you hate me right now and probably will for the rest of my life, I'm vouching for you, okay? What have you told Sakura about Akari? I...told her a small, white lie about Akari so she doesn't lose hair over this whole ordeal with you being close to your ex-sex buddies," he said.
Syaoran was taken aback by every single thing that the man had just landed on him. "You didn't learn from your lesson about lying last time, did you?" Syaoran asked defensively on Sakura's part. "But what did you lie about this time?"
"She believes that there's still an inkling amount of there still being something there between you and Akari. While Akari isn't in love with you, she is still attached to you because you started something with her right after her husband passed, so naturally, she clings to you in a sense," Akinari explained. "You understand that, right? It's the same way as you've clung to sex for whatever reasons."
Syaoran glared at him, feeling annoyed with the man trying to get information out of him. "What are you on about? I have nothing with that nurse anymore. It was just a short-lived fling, which I've taken full responsibility for already. I ended all of my flings with everyone I've slept with and I've made it very clear that I'm not interested in any of them for sex anymore," Syaoran said, feeling a bit pathetic for explaining this to the man. It was none of his business.
"Why does Sakura think and feel otherwise, then?"
"That's—" Syaoran stopped, not quite sure about what she had to worry about.
He thought about it for a moment, remembering a time when Sakura had caught them almost doing the dirty when her brother had been in the hospital some months back. That was in the beginning though.
Sakura had never shown or expressed her discomfort in anything until recently, so he wondered where the idea had come from.
She had never acted out of character because of anything like that until the day she came to the hospital and talked with him about her not liking him being best friends with the women he once had something sexual with.
Then again, she did mention something about getting stares and dirty looks from people around her after word had gotten out that they were a "thing" and people thought of her as just another whore of Li Syaoran.
He could understand why she felt some type of way about things. He planned on fixing that though, even if it meant him having to leave this life behind.
He just had to take one step at a time and feel everything out, which is why he thought to show the women he has been with in the past his feelings towards Sakura were serious.
She had seen them in action together, clearly she could see that there is nothing there on his part.
After thinking about it for a while, he remembered the times Akari would blush or stutter in his presence when they were not having sex. And Sakura had witnessed that too, so he could understand why she felt uncomfortable. He had never known her to be an unreasonable woman, so he knew there had to be more to her discomfort with things. Perhaps she thought that he might slip again and turn right back to the very women who has feelings for him because it would be easy to.
"I'm not trying to pry and stick my nose into everything in your relationship, but...if my best friend's coming to me for comfort, I have to give it to her...I'm just hoping you'll correct and back me up like I'm trying to do for you," Akinari said gently.
Syaoran cringed at the word, "best friend", remembering how Sakura had talked so highly of him.
"I know what Sakura's probably thinking and I'm...what am I supposed to do? I've talked to Akari personally and told her that me and Sakura are serious, so she's backed away a little...she hasn't tried anymore advances since then. I've told her those exact words. I...apologized for taking advantage because I take full responsibility for that. I feel...awful about it, but there's nothing else I can do for her. I don't want to be with her," Syaoran said, sincerely meaning everything he had just said. He did not want to be with that woman, and he cared about her as much as a boss would care about his employee, if that.
"So the rumors then...about things getting back to you..."
Syaoran clenched his jaw, having to hold himself back from attacking the man at the reminder. He always felt like a fool because of him; Akinari always seemed to make him look like the bad guy in things.
"I thought it was her—"
"I would've thought the same thing had I not known who actually started that rumor. Yes, Akari does think there's some...small amount of potential that you'll come back to her, even if she hasn't said it blatantly, but I can tell by her actions and the things she's said in therapy in the past. But, I've just encouraged her to move on and focus on other things in her life, rather than her love life. It hasn't even been a full year since her husband's passed. I still talk with her from time to time, but she isnt a regular patient I see anymore. But...I'm sure it's not her who started the rumors because she told me herself who did," Akinari explained.
Even though Akinari had offered some crucial information, all Syaoran could care and pay attention to was the fact that he knew who had started the rumor.
"Who was it?" he asked.
When Akinari did not say anything, Syaoran glared at him, annoyed with his lack of response. "What? I'm not trying to be an asshole, but I'm just genuinely not interested in who is or isn't interested in me. I know I did her wrong and really, I feel bad for that, but there is nothing I can do to make it better besides grow from it and hope a grudge isn't held towards me. I have no reason to be interested in her feelings for me," he said calmly, truly not wanting to come off as an asshole who has no feelings.
He made a mistake. Shoot him for it if that mistake would be drilled into his head for the rest of his life.
Akinari smiled a little, to his surprise. "So you're really serious about her, huh..."
Syaoran decided not to answer that, feeling no obligations to tell him anything. "Who started it?" he asked.
"I'll tell you on one condition."
Syaoran sighed, starting to get even more annoyed with the man. There was only so much of him that he could take right now. "What?"
"You make Sakura happy. She's about to go through something that all any of us will even be able to do is just give her support and...show her that we're here for you."
"What are you planning to do to her, asshole?" Syaoran said, ready to beat the man up before he even had the chance to do it.
Akinari held up a defensive hand, shaking his head. "Nothing that I'm doing..." he trailed off, making Syaoran realize that Akinari knew something that he did not.
"What are you keeping from her this time?"
Akinari frowned. "I'm not playing a blame game right now. I know what I kept from her in the past was unforgivable, but I'm just grateful that she's decided to forgive me for it. I've forgiven her for dragging me into this mess and putting both of our careers at risk, so I see no reason why you feel the need to hold a grudge towards me when I released all mine and she has too," Akinari said.
Syaoran sighed, hearing some truth to that statement, but he was not interested in this or him, as a person. Quite frankly, he wanted nothing to do with him. "I'm sticking by her side. My intentions are to make her happy," he said quietly.
Akinari nodded. "The woman we just ran into and wants to talk to you is the one who overheard me and Sakura's conversation. It's one of the other nurses here who's good friends with Akari. She's raging pissed that you trampled on her friends feelings, so..."
Syaoran mentally groaned, realizing he would have to deal with women he had not even had any sexual relations with. He sighed. "Okay," he whispered. "What do..." he stopped, realizing what he was about to ask the man. He had almost asked him for advice on what he should do about Akari and the way Sakura had felt about her before he had the answer himself.
There was nothing he could do besides continue to show Sakura that she had nothing to worry about because he only has eyes for her; no one else. There was nothing he could tell Akari to make her feel less hurt about the fact that he does not want to be with her. He sure did not want to give her any type of hope because he did not want her.
He supposed that he had to keep pushing the idea in her face that he wanted to be with Sakura and no one else. That seemed to be the only way she could move on.
And he had to keep showing Sakura that she is the only woman he wants.
Without even a warning, Syaoran left his office, heading to the woman he knew he had to talk to to squash this mess.
As he walked down the hall, he could see her still leaning against the wall in that same spot she had been in before he left her.
"That was quick," she said, quirking a brow at him.
"What do you want to talk about?" he asked, wanting to get straight to the point of her need to conversate with him.
"With all due respect, sir, I wouldn't play stupid," she said. "I know the psychologist said something to you about it."
Syaoran sighed, closing his eyes. "Walk and talk your side and make it quick. I have things that need to be done today," he said, already walking ahead of her.
She was quick to catch up with him. "You remember Akari, right? The woman you took advantage of as soon as you found out her husband had passed," she said, looking neutral as if they were talking about something normal.
"The woman I've already had a conversation with and apologized for my disgusting actions? Yes, I know that woman," he said. "My girlfriend would like it if she wouldn't be in the picture obsessing over a small affair that we had both agreed on was just strictly physical in the past. I don't mean that in a disrespectful way to your friend or my employee, but I wholeheartedly feel the same way and would like to move past the past and leave it where it's at," Syaoran said, just as the woman had spoken her end.
"So, that's just it then? You get to trample all over women's feelings and then find you one that you want to be with and get to be happy in the end while the others suffer?"
"I didn't trample over anyone's feelings. I stated what my intents were in the beginning. I've admitted and apologized to her before about me taking advantage of the fact that she had just lost her husband. But, let's not pretend that she didn't make the decision to lay down with me too," Syaoran said quietly, so only she could hear him. He did not need this conversation getting out to anyone else, especially after he told everyone there would be no more talk of drama in his hospital.
"And the fact that you just happen to be her boss," she retorted.
"I wouldn't play with fire if I don't want to get burned," he said, ending the direction she was trying to take the conversation in. "I have no obligations to apologize to a woman with no relevance in my life, such as yourself, so I'd advise you to keep your nose out of my and my girlfriends business or you'll get burned, along with your friend."
Syaoran could feel the woman glaring daggers at the side of his head as he kept looking straight ahead, not affected one bit. "You're threatening me?"
"Warning you, as the chief of a popular hospital in Japan where people send all kinds of people across the world here to get help. I'm sure neither of you want to lose your jobs and not leave with a clean slate that could ruin your lives and career for good," he said calmly.
He hated to take this route, but he had no choice here. He hate using the arrogant and cocky card to set them straight. He was willing to do what he needed to do to get them off Sakura's back though.
"Am I clear?" he asked.
He stopped walking when he noticed her stop. He turned around, seeing her fume at his response. "Of course," she said tightly.
"And...I hope that the meeting was made clear too because the hospital is going to change, one way or the other," he added.
"Of course," she repeated tightly again.
"You have a good day then," he said before walking off with his head held high.
"So, are we on for next Saturday then?" Syaoran asked through the phone as soon as he sat in his chair in his office. "Sorry I couldn't get back to you in time. I had a lot going on at the hospital and I'd been feeling sick earlier this week."
"It's because you're overdoing it again," he heard her chastise softly. "What happened at the hospital?"
He sighed. "I had a board meeting this morning and I scheduled a meeting for the hospital too to address some things. And after that, I jumped right back on the case. One of my patients had responded negatively to the medicine because the lab scientist had put too much of one of the drugs in the prescription. So, to be safe, I told them to wipe out all of the medicine and start over. Which...slows down the process of everything, but better safe than sorry, right?" he said, reaching for the papers with his other hand.
"Man, that really sucks."
"It's okay. Things were going a bit too fast anyway," he said. "So, apparently, it wasn't the widowed nurse who started the rumor. It was a friend of hers who did it because she's upset."
"Oh? Why?"
"Because I hurt her friend."
"How so? Well...I'm going to be honest with you, but I talked to Akinari about it."
Syaoran wanted to see her right now and kiss her with all he had for her openly telling him about their conversation. They were keeping no secrets from each other anymore, just the way he wanted it to be.
"About what?"
"Akari. I'm sorry about that," she apologized.
Syaoran shook his head slowly. "You have nothing to apologize for. I created this mess and just happened to sleep with the wrong person at the wrong time."
"I know, but I also know that this is all me and only something that I can fix within myself. I have to come to terms with things myself about it and just...fully trust you. Like...we are both adults and have been with others in our past, which is normal. It's not one person I felt more uncomfortable with. It's every woman I know you've been with and it's like...the looks and snares I get like, 'I've had a piece of that too' like...I'm not important and just another one, which I know I am important to you."
She sighed over the phone, making him feel guilty for that. "Sakura, I—"
"I don't mind you still being around the women you've worked with, but only if you're not trying to be around or talk to them. I know you guys will have surgeries together and all and I'm okay with that. I just don't want to find out that you're still looking and trying to have a personal relationship with them is all... I just...know how the nurse feels because I went through that same thing where I clung to anyone who was there for me in my life when I lost Eichii. It's a dangerous thing to go through. There's a reason why people say don't try to get involved with someone right after you lose a loved one. I just want you to understand that I know that feeling and where that nurse could be right now."
Akinari had just told him that same thing, so he knew it had to be true, coming from Sakura now.
"And I won't and haven't been, okay? Only if it's necessary and that's how I've been keeping it since I started talking to you. I don't even have a desire to have a personal, friendly relationship with them or any woman, for that matter. I'll just keep working to prove that you can trust me," he said through the phone.
"And I will try my best too," she promised.
He smiled, leaning back in his chair. "What do you have planned for the rest of the day? I miss you," he said, changing the subject. He wondered if he could still squeeze in seeing her when he got off tonight.
"We can't today. I promised Tomoyo we'd hang out," she said through the phone.
He nodded, though she could not see him. "I understand. What time will you be getting home?" he asked.
"I'm not sure yet."
"What about tomorrow?" he asked instead.
"Going over to my dad's."
"Come over after you finish? I can make you dinner..." he said in a suggestive tone, hoping she would give in to the idea of food.
"Hmm...what time will you be done at work?"
"I get off at 6 tomorrow and I could have dinner done by 8?" he questioned. She giggled on the other end, making him feel a bit self-conscious of his choice of words. "What's so funny?"
"You can cook? You've never told me that before."
"Not something I talk or brag about, so..." he said, trailing off.
"I'm looking forward to it then."
Syaoran smiled, feeling his heart flutter in his chest at the excitement in her tone.
He would have to come up with the best meal possible now. He wanted to impress her with his skills in the kitchen.
He may not be a chef, but he sure would pretend to be tomorrow.
"I'll call you when I get off tonight, okay? I'm going to get more work done. I'll text you too," he said.
"K. I'll be with Tomoyo in a bit," she said.
"What are you guys planning to do?"
"Probably hang at the bar and get a few drinks," she said.
He frowned. "No flirting for drinks, young lady. I can send you some money," he said sternly.
She burst out laughing, making him smile at hearing her laughter again. "I won't flirt with the bartender..."
He could have sworn he heard her say maybe quietly. "Sakura."
She giggled through the phone. "I promise I won't flirt for free drinks..."
"At all."
"I won't, Syaoran," she said between laughter.
He smiled. "Good."
"You have fun at work for the rest of the day," she said teasingly.
"And you have fun not flirting for free drinks."
She giggled before they bid each other goodbye and hung up.
They may not have went on their date today, but at least he had something to look forward to tomorrow.
If nothing came up, at least.
A/N: If you guys are expecting to read a story with perfect characters and haven't gone through what these characters have gone through and it shows in their behaviors and feelings, don't read it. I'm sorry that I'm not going to write a story about mental health and pretend that people can fully change their ways over night after going through something traumatic for a huge portion of their life. That's not how I'm planning to be as a psychologist to patients either in the future, so I'd advise everyone who can't handle the truth about mental health to stop reading the story if it's too much for you. That's all I'm going to say on the matter for every single one of the characters in this story.
But, those who do decide to stick around for the rest of the journey, what did you guys think of this chapter? Syaoran's starting to finally realize where behavior changes! Until you can realize the problem and only you can fix that thing that controls you, you won't fully change. But more importantly, what did Syaoran text his mother? Hmmm...did he make a mistake with Akari's friend? Will Akari stop "obsessing" over Syaoran? Oh! Something I do want to address is the comments about Akari. Realistically(putting every other character to the side right now), Akari is a victim in a sense in this situation, as Syaoran did take advantage of her vulnerability. Yes, she did decide to lay down with him, but she did this coming from a broken-hearted perspective AFTER he convinced her it would help, since having sex used to help Syaoran get through stressful emotions. She's not a "bitch", "slut nurse" or any other degrading names that she's been called. Everyone knows that it's not a wise decision to jump into anything remotely romantic after losing a significant other so fast. People do it though, which they find themselves in situations like hers. After reading through the story again with all of her scenes, she has NOT done anything malicious in the least bit, and this is coming from someone who is a hardcore SxS fan, so I'm not being biased towards our favorite pairing.
Her character or any other character in this story for that matter, is not meant to make Sakura look like a "clown" because Sakura had or has every right to feel the way she does about things, considering his past and fears of him not being completely changed, which he is NOT yet. She would be a fool to turn a blind eye to his condition, so everyone dragging Sakura, she is very valid in feeling how she feels because the woman is "obsessing" over Syaoran a bit. Plus, she understands the woman on a more personal level, as she lost her fiancé and almost made the mistake by getting involved with Akinari when she was still broken-hearted. Sakura has never even acted out once in the story, even when seeing him in action with other women in the beginning. And then she speaks on it once and how she feels, she's a clown because her best friend tells her something to make her feel better about Syaoran being surrounded by temptations?
You guys HAVE to be very open-minded of each character and why they feel the way they do instead of being ready to bash any mistake/action they make in this story. I'm in no way trying to defend for any wrong decisions any character has made, but just an explanation as to why they did these things and to show they still need to work on these things. You guys are entitled to an opinion, but...for the sake of me and anyone else who reads the reviews, be mindful. Some of the reviews are a bit toxic because a lot of them were jumping to conclusions and placing judgment on things before understanding things in a very rude and disrespectful way. And guys, please, I cannot stress this enough, please! Try to remain respectful in regards to addressing women and calling them out of their names. Men already do that enough to us, so we shouldn't join along with them to make them think it's okay. While some of the women were promiscuous in this story, let's still try to remain respectful on how we address them.
This will be my last time writing out long author's note in regards to things like this because it honestly takes up a lot of time to write them when I could be writing the next chapters for my stories and getting the chapter out quicker. I can't help but explain the characters actions because I don't like people to remain uneducated/misinformed about things when it comes to others actions/mental health.
I had a ton of teasers I was going to add in this note, but I highly doubt anyone will even make it to read them in this note, so I'll leave them for another time :).(I didn't respond individually to people this time because the reviews were very similar again).
I'm going to end the note here and finish editing chapters!
Edit: Edit: for a review that I already see is going to be a constant complaint...Syaoran is already known as the asshole at the hospital for a reason because he would constantly burst and go off on his workers all the time for anything, which is why at the lunches, everyone is hesitant to go against him. He's trying to practice this thing called...self-control. He's well-aware of how he's screwed up over the years, so he's trying to play cool to not repeat the same thing by going off of his emotions like he's done throughout the years. Yelling and going off on everyone like he normally did would just prove that he's the same rude man no one trusted to be around. So, anger was not an option in this meeting scenario for him, as he always goes with the approach of going off on people. Just because you're calm doesn't mean you're not a disciplined boss...I have a great manager who's strict but not going off on us all the time, so not all boss have to be assholes.
Ja ne!