"It Follows"
Sakura took a sip from her drink as she listened to the couple beside her talk about their kids. Her and Tomoyo had been sitting at the bar, listening to the couple for the last five minutes go on and on and on about their problems to them, so it was starting to get annoying.
She never minded listening to people talk out their problem, but sometimes she needed to be away from it all. That had been the sole reason why she gave herself weekends off.
It was hard working alone, independently. She had to do therapy, paperwork, come up with treatment plans, and the list went on that she was beginning to question how she is even a functional human being. No sane person could run a business alone, especially one like this where there were just so many things you had to do.
It was a wonder how she had been functioning over the years here.
"You're thinking too hard, sweetie," she heard a soft voice snap her out of her thoughts.
She turned to Tomoyo with a small smile on her face. "Yeah, just about...how I've been doing this business thing alone and wondering how I've survived over the years," she said.
Tomoyo smiled at her, shaking her head. "I don't know...it must be tough," she said, taking a sip from her glass of water.
Sakura's brows scrunched together in confusion as she just noticed that. "You didn't want a drink?" she asked with a frown. "I can get it..."
Tomoyo shook her head, smiling at her gratefully. "Nah, I think I'll skip the hangover this weekend."
"I'm not drinking to get a hangover either, but I thought we just wanted to have a little fun tonight? Eriol finally let you out and you don't want to drink?" Sakura asked, starting to feel a little worried for her friend.
Tomoyo was normally the party type and ready to have fun, yet she sat here tonight, acting as if she had never heard of the word fun before. Granted, Sakura did not believe that you could only have fun if you drink, but Tomoyo was acting a little different tonight.
"I'm fine, I'm fine, really. I just want to chill for a bit..."
"We're at a bar...and you don't have a drink in your hand. You know what bars are for, right? What's going on? You're starting to worry me right now," Sakura said, putting her drink down to focus all her attention on her.
"I'm fine, I swear! I just wanted to hang out here like old times," she said.
"We could've hung out at your place if you didn't want any drinks then," Sakura said, frowning at her best friend.
"No, I—"
"Could we get her favorite? It's on me," Sakura said, smiling at the bartender who normally serves them.
She had refrained from flirting tonight, but she still got the free drinks for smiling, so she saw it as no problem. She did not give them "the eyes" that every guy loved. She was just genuinely being nice.
"On me," he said, winking at her.
Her cheeks warmed before she nodded.
"You really don't have to do that, sir," Tomoyo interjected before he could start making her drink.
"So there is something wrong. What's wrong? Are you sick?" Sakura asked.
"No...uhh…well...sort of something like that, but not that exactly," Tomoyo said nervously.
"Thanks, Raku. We can hold off on the drink for right now," Sakura said, dismissing the man kindly.
He nodded before leaving the two to their conversation.
"What do you mean?" Sakura asked, looking at her seriously.
"I...just can't drink anymore for the next 9 months..." she said nervously.
Sakura looked at her confused now, not knowing what that meant exactly. It could mean a lot of different things, but one thought did come to mind, which happened to be pregnancy. But Sakura had highly doubted it was that because there had never been any talk about her and Eriol trying to get pregnant to her.
"Why not?" Sakura asked.
Tomoyo dropped her shoulders, looking at Sakura seriously now. "I'm...carrying another little tiny human right now..." she said very quietly that Sakura could barely hear her.
Sakura gasped, turning to her and grabbing her hands. "Are you serious?" she asked incredulously.
Tomoyo nodded her head slowly with a nervous look on her face.
"Oh my gosh, that's awesome! When did this happen? How did this happen? I didn't know you guys were even trying!" Sakura said excitedly, moving her hand to Tomoyo's stomach to feel for a bump.
Tomoyo giggled, grabbing her hands gently. "It just happened less than a month ago. We'd been talking about it for some time because of my family's history of having children..." she said.
"What about it?" Sakura asked curiously. She had never heard anything about this before.
"In our blood...it's kind of hard to give birth and survive afterwards. It's the same thing that happened with your mother...so Eriol was really scared to impregnate me in fear that I might not survive. He talked with Li-kun about the probabilities of me going through that, but he asked him not to mention anything to you about it," Tomoyo said, looking apologetic at the end.
Sakura shook her head with a smile on her face. "No, it's okay, I understand."
"You're planning to have kids, right?"
Sakura nodded immediately, smiling at the thought of mini hers running around. "Of course. I want, at the least, three," she said excitedly.
Tomoyo looked at her a little worried, making her smile falter. "What is it?"
"Nothing...it's just...aren't you scared?" Tomoyo asked.
Sakura smiled at her a little, shaking her head. "I'm very hopeful and think everything will be alright," she said.
"Of course. Li-kun wants kids, right? I think Eriol might've mentioned something to him about your mom..." she said guiltily.
"Hmm..." she hummed, remembering that he had a vasectomy. He had said that he would get the reversal in the start of the year, so she wondered if he were still sticking by that. She would definitely bring that up in their next meeting. "He...does," she decided to settle with.
"Well, it'll definitely be a heated conversation as it was with Eriol and me after he found out about everything..." she said. "It took a lot of convincing..."
Sakura smiled, giggling at the thought of the two going back and forth. They did not even seem like the type of couple who is capable of fighting. "Not something I'll worry about right now for sure," she said. "More importantly, let's get home and drink some hot cocoa and watch movies all night instead then?" she said, smiling softly.
"That could work."
Sakura took her phone out, sending Syaoran a quick message about them going to Tomoyo's place instead when she saw that he had sent a text asking her how things were going.
She scooted off the stool, bidding the bartender goodbye before they left the bar.
Sakura giggled at something Tomoyo said to Akinari at the table at Tomoyo's place the next day.
She had been at her place since she left her dad's place. That had been her first time seeing him for the year and it was great.
Touya had gone back home, so he had not been there unfortunately. She felt a bit sad, as she did not know when the next time would be when she sees him. She felt hopeful that it might be soon though.
Now, she had gone to Tomoyo's after Syaoran said that he had to stay a bit later, so their time for meeting had been pushed back a little.
Akinari had to come over as well to handle some business with Eriol that neither of them spoke about what specifically.
They had been sitting in the living room talking for the last 30 minutes about old times together.
Of course, they were all somehow making the conversation about Sakura being a klutz, as usual.
When her phone went off, she looked down at it immediately, reading the text.
'I'm so sorry baby. I really didn't plan to be here this late...'
Her brows scrunched together as she looked at the time. It was almost 7:00 and he was still at the hospital.
She typed in a message before reading over it. 'You don't have to worry. I could always just come over and help you with dinner.' She sent the text.
"What's that smile on your face for?" Tomoyo asked, making her smile falter.
"She has a dinner date when she leaves here," Akinari said in a teasing tone.
"Oh! That's right... she did mention something about it last night," Tomoyo said, wiggling her perfectly arched brows at her suggestively.
Sakura could feel her face warm as she shook her head. "Oh stop it, you two. Have you nothing better to do than pick on me? What about you, Aki? Are you still seeing that woman you told me about a month or two ago?" Sakura asked, slyly changing the subject.
A small smile formed on his lips, making Sakura feel giddy inside about his love life.
Akinari always tried to keep his love life on the down low, so Sakura had only known about a few of his girlfriends in the past years they had known each other.
A lot of his relationships never worked out because of his taste in women. He never went for the quiet and introverted women. He seemed to attract women that had strong personalities, which clashed with his a lot of the time.
This woman had seemed a bit different, as she remembered him telling her that the woman is a runaway from an abusive ex. He described her as quiet and very reserved, so she could not help but wonder what the woman is like.
"We still talk. I see her a few times a week, but we are still taking it slow. What she's been through will take a lot of time for her to trust me," he said, looking deep in thought before his eyes brightened at a thought it seemed. "She has been opening up more to me lately though, so that's a plus."
Sakura smiled, dropping her hand on his to give an encouraging squeeze. "I'm glad you're finally finding someone and progressing in the relationship."
Akinari chuckled, shaking his head. "Not as much as you have been. You have that man wrapped around your fingers so tight that it's crazy a bit," he said, turning his hand over to grab hers as he looked at her with a gleam in his eyes.
Her cheeks warmed, looking away from him shyly. "I do not..."
"Oh, but you do—"
"Okay, I'm a little confused here. Who's dating who? Is it Sakura and Syaoran and Aki and this new girl or Sakura and Aki?" Tomoyo interrupted.
At hearing that, both of their faces scrunched in disgust at each other.
"Of course not. He's like Touya to me." "She's like a sister to me," they said simultaneously.
"Okay, the hand holding and loving looks you're giving each other is saying otherwise," Tomoyo said, giggling at their reaction.
They released each other's hands, smiling at each other before looking at Tomoyo. "It's just...I've been with Sakura for so many years—"
Tomoyo cleared her throat. "I've been with her since diapers, just to remind you," she said, making them laugh.
"I know, I know, you're her number one best friend," Akinari said teasingly. "I'm just trying to say that...I'm happy for her because I—we— all saw her at her worst and most broken point from her last relationship. She hasn't opened up or showed any type of...feelings for another person since her last. To see her grow and blossom into this strong and magnificent woman is something that's amazing. Seeing the outcome of people who have been at their weakest really makes you feel some kind of way when you see the evolvement. So, that's why I'm happy that she's finally at a place in her life where she feels like she can be herself and open up again. Sorry, that was just a way of showing support for each other because we've done it so much over the years."
Sakura could feel her eyes watering at the sincerity in his tone.
"He's right. I'm just as proud of you as he is, honestly. I've missed my best friend and she's finally back again," Tomoyo said, smiling at her.
"You guys are just..." She took a deep breath before releasing it and wiping the tears from her eyes before they could fall. "Thank you, okay? I'm really grateful to have such supporting people in my life. I would do anything for you guys," she said, smiling at then gratefully.
They had been there for her throughout the years of her worst part of life and they stayed by her side, supporting and giving her whatever they could. Even when she had lost herself in her first relationship, they still stuck by her and supported her no matter what. She could not ask for a better set of people in her life than these.
"Me and Aki are not like that though," Sakura added to remind Tomoyo.
She could not understand why everyone seemed to think that sometimes. They may have tried out a relationship in the past, and throw a few flirt lines here and there, but there had never ever been any "I want to be with you" actions done.
She was a more reserved woman versus his type, and to her knowledge, that had been one of the reasons he could not see her that way. Plus, they had been through so much and they knew way too much about each other that it would be weird if they were together.
Akinari had way too many chances to woo her in, even at her most vulnerable state, but he never tried to. The only reason that date had even happened to begin with was because Sakura wanted to prove a point that she had been over Eichii at the time. And it was her idea.
"Alright...I believe you guys. Just...had me questioning a bit with that little interaction," Tomoyo said teasingly. "We all know Li-kun would not like that."
Sakura thought about it for a moment, thinking about how Syaoran would have reacted if he had saw that act between them. "Maybe Tomoyo's right," she said a little worriedly.
Perhaps they were giving Syaoran things to worry about. Granted, that still gave him no right to act out on his emotions, but maybe they did need to cool it a bit out of respect for him.
Akinari chuckled, shaking his head. "Alright, I'm caught," he said suddenly.
Sakura looked at him confused. "Eh?"
"I'm not going to lie, I was pulling on his leg at one point in the beginning," he said in an amused tone.
"What?"
"I was just testing him is all...trying to see how he really feels about you and if you were just...property to him, which you aren't. That's the sole reason why I did it," he said.
Sakura frowned, not liking that answer one bit. "That's not funny, Aki. Syaoran already has major trust issues when it comes to important people in his life. His—" she stopped, realizing what she almost had told about him. This was no one's business but Syaoran. "I know you're doing the things you do with good intentions, but Syaoran is a little different from most guys. He's not jealous because he's a jerk. He's jealous because he's insecure and has been betrayed by people who are required to be there for a person, so you don't get to do that, okay?" she said.
It went quiet, creating tension in the room.
"Sakura's right. She knows him more than either of us, so we can't make her feel like she doesn't know him," Tomoyo said in an encouraging tone.
Sakura smiled at her gratefully. "Thank you."
Akinari held up a defensive hand, letting out a chuckle. "Okay, okay, you're right. I had no business meddling into that. But, I didn't do that to make you feel like you don't know him, because I know you know him more than any of us here. And again, you're right, though you didn't say it verbally, but I'm not your keeper. I know that's what you're trying to say," he said.
"That's not what I meant, but...that is true too. I know you feel like everything that happened with Eichii was partially your fault and you have this obligation to protect me, but what happened with Eichii was not your fault, okay? There was nothing you or anyone could do at that time for me, so you don't have to repay me by protecting me from anything or one who you think is dangerous," she said, smiling at him gratefully.
She knew Akinari from the bottom of her heart. None of his actions had ever been malicious, but sometimes he could just be too smothering with his overprotectiveness. Almost more than Touya, but she highly doubt anyone could ever beat her brother.
"I don't think Li-kun is dangerous, okay? Granted, I did think he was a questionable man in the beginning when I saw how he slept with all those women and the news about him just wasn't...painted in the brightest light some years back, but after I realized how much he had changed over the course of the months...I started to doubt the man I'd known for all those years of working for him," Akinari explained.
"Well, Akinari-kun...if you believe Li-kun is a changed man, you need to start making Sakura feel like you do," Tomoyo said softly.
"Thank you, someone gets it," Sakura said, laughing softly.
Akinari smiled at her sadly. "I know...I'm sorry a ton, okay? That doesn't mean I'll stop caring and wanting the best for you though."
"And I don't want you to not feel that way," Sakura said. "I just want you to have a little trust in me too," she said.
"I do. And you know what I'll do to prove that?" he asked.
"And what's that?"
"I'll let you handle everything else in the relationship because you know what's best for you and him," he said.
"Wait, wait, and wait. I'm not saying...I can handle everything, because I still need your help with him being your patient," she said.
"Uhh..." Tomoyo interjected before Akinari could even say anything about it. "Doesn't Li hate him?"
Akinari sighed, running a hand through his hair. "Yeah, about that...I'm not sure about how much of a good idea that is still. I talked with him yesterday—"
"Did you add more fuel to the fire?" Sakura interrupted.
"No, no, no. I just talked with him about something else," he said defensively.
"Like what?"
Tomoyo giggled, making Sakura look at her. "You're like a lioness trying to protect her cub right now," she told Sakura.
Sakura could feel her cheeks warm with the blood. "I'm sorry...I'm just...really on edge these days since I found out that...he's going to be out, so I just...Syaoran means a lot to me now. He's been through so much and I just want to be here for him as much as I can. The last thing I want to be is the same woman who created him into what he was before we met," she said.
"I was just telling him who started the rumors," Akinari said, easing her pain. "I...mentioned something about a certain someone else too, so..."
"I thought she wasn't an issue anymore? She's seen me and Syaoran in action before now and he's not her type, so why is she still being brought up?" Sakura asked calmly.
She had already come to terms that she would not be able to trust Syaoran unless she made an effort to. She wanted them to have a trusting relationship on both ends, besides just his.
If she expected him to trust her, she had to trust him too. It would not be a one-sided relationship because neither of them full trusted each other yet.
"He doesn't feel anything for her, so I don't see her as an issue. I was just letting him know who had started the rumor…well, not necessarily a rumor since it was true, but…I just let him know who overheard us is all," he said.
She hummed, thinking about it for a moment. "So, you're just familiar with all of the workers there?" she asked softly.
He shook his head. "Not all of them, but I do know a lot of them well enough. A part of my job description is that I have to work with the staff if there's anything going on with their health. I'm over that department because I work alongside the psychiatrist, so I pretty much have to take any staff for treatment. I don't work with them often, but most times, its short periods of time. And I'd check up on them every couple of months to make sure they're still good before I stop completely," he explained.
"I didn't know you were over the psych department," Sakura said, looking at him with scrunched brows.
He shrugged. "I've been working there for years now," he said.
"That's...a little weird hearing. I feel like you're so much ahead of me now," Sakura said, smiling at him.
He chuckled, shaking his head. "Nah, we're equally the same," he said nonchalantly.
"You're always doubting yourself," Tomoyo said.
"I'm not...I just..." Sakura forced a laugh, shaking her head, not wanting to get into it. "It's nothing. Either way...I'm not going to worry and kill myself over stressing about anyone else taking Syaoran away. Hating anyone because they're attracted or want to be with him is going to do nothing but speak volumes about my character. My focus is just going to be on him solely now. We've already talked about how we're going to handle things now."
"You are the most optimistic person I know, and I love you so much for it," Tomoyo said.
"Tomoyo's right."
Her cheeks warmed before she shook her head vigorously. "Will you guys stop it," she whined.
They laughed at her bashful reaction before her phone began to ring, interrupting their moment.
Sakura looked down at her phone before she heard Tomoyo's "oooh..."
She stood up from the couch, walking to another room before she hit the answer button on her phone. "Syaoran?"
"Is everything okay? You didn't text back?" she heard him say over the phone worriedly.
She smiled, feeling her heart flutter in her chest at the sincerity in his tone.
"I'm sorry, I was talking with...Tomoyo and Aki," she answered honestly.
Syaoran scoffed softly. "Of course he's there," he said quietly. "Not the point why I called though. I want to do this dinner for you and not us because I want to serve you. I'm home now and already started on dinner, so you can be here by..." he went quiet for a moment before speaking anything. "8:30...or you could come now and let me enjoy your presence?"
She giggled, hearing the shy tone creep in at the last part of his sentence. "I can come now if that's what you're asking me to do," she said.
He let out a sigh. "Okay, good. Dinner might just be ready before you even get here, but get here soon. We have to talk about a few things too."
"Okay. I'll see you in a bit then?" she questioned.
"Can't wait," he said like a giddy schoolboy, sounding completely out of character.
She smiled. "Me neither. I'll let you know when I pull up," she said.
"Drive safe," he said.
She responded before bidding him goodbye. She walked back in the living room where the two were before seeing knowing looks on their faces.
"You're leaving us?" they said simultaneously.
"Oh, stop it you two," she said in a playful chastising tone, making them laugh at her.
"I guess I'll head out with you too then to get ready for the week," Akinari said, standing from the couch with her.
"That's true. I do need to get ready as well. I have some shows to attend this week," Tomoyo said.
Sakura grabbed her purse off the couch. "Let me know how things go. We'll get together a few more times this week to discuss some important things about a certain tiny being," she said, giving her a knowing look.
"Tiny being?" Akinari questioned.
Sakura giggled, shaking her head while telling him that it was nothing.
Tomoyo had not told anyone about her being pregnant yet, because she wanted to tell everyone at the same time. So, Sakura has promised her that she would throw them a little get together so they could tell all her friends about it that way.
"It's nothing. Just some clothing brands," Sakura lied easily, though she cringed inside.
Akinari shrugged before Tomoyo led them to the door with a knowing giggle.
"Text me when you reach his place?" Tomoyo and Akinari said at the same time, making Sakura giggle at the two.
"I swear you two are the same person when it comes to me," she said.
When they both gave her a deadpanned look, she held up a hand in defense. "Okay, Momma Tomo and Daddy Aki, I'll let you both know when I get in safe," Sakura said teasingly as Akinari opened the door for her to walk out first. She shivered at the cold air that hit her as soon she stepped out into nature.
"I'll see you Tomoyo," Sakura said, turning away to land a soft kiss on her cheek and Tomoyo returned the gesture before her and Aki walked to their cars that are parked in the driveway by each other.
As soon as the house door closed, Akinari decided to speak as they walked towards their car. "I'm sorry about that, okay? I know I can be smothering, but that's never been my intentions," he said quietly.
Sakura stopped walking when she heard that and turned to him. "I know, Aki. I have everyone on my side and it's just...if I have all these people who are willing to stick up and stand by me...who's going to stand up for Syaoran besides himself? Who's going to be on his side and understand where he's coming from?" Sakura asked, looking at him sadly. "Even if it's just karma from everything that he's done throughout the years, I don't want to make him feel smothered by everything coming at him. If I'm against him, you're against him—hell, everyone at his hospital is against him because of the way he's treated people throughout the years...his family's not here for him all the time...every woman he's slept with, leaving them to believe that he may change his mind to be with him...who does he have? He's never had anyone by his side who was willing to fight and stay there...Syaoran has no one, Aki."
The more she explained this to him again, the more she realized how true all of this is. Even if Syaoran had been a terrible person throughout the years, she knew he never had intentions to be that bad. He had just been a misunderstood man who no one wanted to take the time or chance to sit down with him and see through all of his behavior and why he acted that way. Granted, no one should ever feel obligated to do so, but it was the fact that no one cared to want to.
So, she had to be there for him. She wanted to be the person who understands him.
Akinari was quiet for a moment, looking deep in thought about everything she had just said. She hoped that he was not thinking that she is trying to defend any of Syaoran's behavior, because that is not how that works.
She just wanted to explain why Syaoran is the way he is, but it was also still up to Syaoran to realize that the way he was is wrong and that he needed to change from that way.
The first step to healing is realizing why you are the way you are and see that it is wrong, so you have to put in effort to make a change to that behavior.
Her ultimate question had always been, "Now that we know why you are the way you are, what are you going to do to change that way?" And from there, they could work on a treatment plan together to heal a person.
She just hoped that Syaoran had saw his time with her as just that.
"You're right, Sakura. I've never thought or tried to understand Li-kun. I guess I fall guilty to that statement too. But then again...I've treaded lightly and stayed out of his way because I was not trying to lose a good job. I've always known he has a problem...especially with sex, but that was none of my business to stick my nose into. He set his hospital up for staff to get help, but he never came to me and I don't believe in helping people who don't want help because they won't get better if they don't want to. But, I do understand where you are coming from because you somehow got to him and made him open up to you even though he has never done that with anyone to my knowledge," Akinari explained with a small smile on his face.
"I know. And I understand why no one would want to cross paths with him. He is...or was, very vicious unless you wanted to have sex with him. That was the only time he seemed to be remotely nice to a person before," Sakura said, wanting to validate every other person's feelings about Syaoran too.
They are not wrong for feeling the way they do about him because Syaoran was, in fact, bad to anyone he came across.
Akinari grabbed her arm, pulling her in for a tight hug, warming her a little from the cold air. "I know, Sakura. I promise I'll do better," Akinari said in a promising tone.
She smiled when she heard the sincerity in his tone before hugging him back. "Thank you..."
He released her after a few more seconds and ruffled her hair. "Let's get out of this weather then. It's freezing," he said, chuckling at her shivering.
"You're right. I'll talk with you later, 'kay?" she said.
He nodded before they parted ways to get in their cars.
When Syaoran heard the doorbell, he could feel himself panicking as he lit the last candle on the table in the dining room.
He had been rushing to get everything done since he got home.
When Sakura had mentioned something about coming over to help him, he had clocked out immediately at the hospital, work left undone at the office. He had promised to do this for her, not get her to help him put together this special dinner for her.
He had wanted to make it up to her after everything that had happened this week. He wanted to show her how sorry he had been for acting that way earlier this week; that he was not the same man he showed himself to be a few days ago.
He would not lie and say that he did not like the idea of cooking with Sakura as if they were a married couple, but he wanted tonight to be special for her. Not have her come here and do the work too.
The doorbell rang again before he rushed to the living room where the door is.
He took a deep breath, running a hand through his hair in hopes of making it look less messy, though it was nearly impossible. He opened the door, only to reveal Sakura standing in all of her glory.
He could feel a smile form on his lips as he moved to the side to let her in. "Come on, it's freezing out there," he said.
She walked inside, letting out a relieved sigh after offering him a half-smile. "I know. It feels wonderful in here," she said, looking around his apartment as if it were new to her.
"What's wrong?" he asked, closing the door behind him before turning to her.
"Nothing. It smells great in here. What are you cooking up?" she asked, looking at him with a raised brow.
Syaoran stared at her for a while, trying to figure out what seemed off about her because she was acting a little different from how she normally would. She seemed too...calm that it almost felt forced coming from her.
It was a little disturbing to see because it never felt this forced, so he knew something was up.
"An Italian dish. Did something happen before you got here?" he asked, walking up to her so he could wrap his arms around her body, pulling her in for a hug.
When she tensed in his arms, he pulled back slightly so he could look her in the face with a frown on his.
"No, I just came from Tomoyo's..." she said quietly, moving herself from his arms so she could slip her coat off. She placed her coat on the rack by the door, along with her purse.
"What's wrong then? You look beautiful today too..." he said, noticing her slight change of appearance.
She had on a casual winter dress with some knee length boots on and very light makeup.
Her cheeks colored before she wrapped her arms around him, hugging him tightly. "Thank you..."
"What's wrong?" he asked again, letting his hand slide up to her hair so he could stroke it softly to soothe her.
She let out a sigh, being quiet for a moment. He let her have her moment for a bit to get her thoughts together.
"I'm fine, okay? There's...nothing wrong, per say, but...something is bothering me a little bit..." she said after a while.
"What is it? What can I do to fix it?" he asked immediately.
He hated when anything bothered her. He just wanted her to be happy without any worries in the world, though he knew that is impossible. He would still do whatever he could to fix it.
"Don't...get mad or like...freak out when I tell you this, okay?" she said timidly, looking at him worriedly.
He felt a little hurt that she felt the need to tell him that, but he understood where she was coming from with that statement. He had just freaked out on her earlier this week after everything that went down.
He had already promised himself that he would not do that anymore. He felt like he did not even have a right to feel hurt by her telling him that because she had every right to feel that he would for whatever she might tell him.
He would not act that way towards her again though and he would prove that to her.
"Of course I won't," he promised in a sincere tone. "Well...if I do get mad, I promise I won't take that out on you or anyone else," he rephrased, wanting to be completely honest with her.
He could not control how he feels sometimes because emotions were automatic sometimes. But, he knew he could control how he acts on those emotions, so that is what he planned to do this time.
She smiled at him sadly before loosening her hold on him. "I..." she stopped again, rising the tension in his heart at what she might say. "I just...he says that it's not because of me, but somehow...deep down inside, I can't help but feel like his decision to do that is because of me. I don't know what he wants or why..."
Syaoran grabbed her face gently, looking at her face with a concerned look on his. "What are you on about, Sakura? What's bothering you? Talk to me," he said, feeling like she was somehow reverting back to her old self. "Please, don't leave me out of the loop on this one."
She shook her head as her eyes watered before she closed them tightly. She seemed to be having a battle with herself about telling him whatever this something is. "I...just want you to enjoy tonight and me too—"
"You can't seem to do that because something's bothering you. I wanted you to come here and have a good time...let me make it up to you after everything that happened this week...but it doesn't seem like we'll be able to do that tonight..." he said, trying his best not to show how affected he felt about this.
He did not want to make her feel bad or guilty for feeling how she feels right now. He realized he had a habit of making things about himself whenever Sakura would be down sometimes.
He would let her have her moment of whatever she was feeling right now. He had to put his feelings to the side right now. Their dinner could wait.
At that thought, he remembered he still has the stove on. "Gather your thoughts and feelings while I go and turn the oven down, okay?" he said.
He leaned down and pecked her lips before he rushed to the kitchen. He turned all of the burners down. He checked the lasagna in the oven to make sure he had not overcooked it before he decided that it was done.
He had decided on an Italian dish in the end after hours of thinking into what he could cook her. He was almost sure that she had never had it before, so he hoped that he would make a good first impression of the food. He had some rolls to compliment the meal with some asparagus.
He already had the dining room set with the perfect mood because of the dim lights lit and the candles on the table, so everything was ready to go.
He was not so sure about this plan now that something is bothering Sakura.
"I'm sorry about that back there..."
Syaoran turned around in the direction he heard her voice quickly, seeing her stand at the kitchen entry. "What's wrong, Sakura?" he asked again.
"It's nothing you should worry about, okay? I've just been...bottling everything up inside and pretending like I'm fine all week and it's just...I don't know, Syaoran. I want to tell you because we said no more secrets, but I don't want to ruin tonight, so I don't mind pushing this thing to the side for right now, so we can enjoy ourselves," she said softly.
"I messaged her back and now we're sending a few texts a day," he said.
She was refusing to talk about what has been bothering her, because she did not want to ruin their night, so he would do it for her. He would ruin the night as long as she would be able to talk about what was bothering her so he could fix it. Or at least try to.
"What?" she asked incredulously.
He looked down, feeling his heart tighten in his chest at the thought of it.
"I...father's not doing well still, so...that's great," he said, not even able to look at her.
"What did you say to her?" she asked softly.
"I said something I had no business saying probably, but who gives a damn, right? What do I have to lose?" he said in a cold, emotionless tone.
"Syaoran," he heard her call softly.
"I just...want her to know how much I hate her; how much I wish that she was never in my life. I know I wouldn't have been born if she wasn't, but that would've been better than going through what she put me through," he said in a bland tone.
He had already been over this with himself within the last few days. He was tired of crying and brooding over the one person he hates the most. He concluded that she was not worth his tears, nor any of his kindness. Anything else he did from this point on would be for nothing but himself.
"And what is letting her know how much you hate her going to do?"
He shrugged. "It makes me feel better, so..." he trailed off, deciding to look at her hesitantly. "Now that the night's been ruined, what's bothering you?"
"Eichii's getting out," she blurted out without any hesitations.
Syaoran could feel his entire body freeze in shock at hearing his worst fears come to life. "What?" he whispered unbelievingly, forgetting his own problems.
It was the last thing he wanted to hear in his life right now. He could feel himself regretting setting up that meeting between them back in Tokyo.
"Aki..."
He internally sighed in annoyance at the mention of that name too. He had no problem with the man personally, but the fact that Sakura always seemed to talk about him made him hate him that much more. A conversation with Akinari and Eichii was way too much for him.
He waited for her to continue, not wanting to go off about the mention of the man. He wanted to be reasonable with her just as much as she tried to be with him.
"He told me that it's not because of me, but...I don't think that's the case. Aki truly doesn't know why he's deciding to leave. And, I know that he's just telling me that to make me feel better and at ease about it, but he's...I know Eichii. From our conversation back in Tokyo...I know he's still the same man...without the bad in him, if you know what I mean? I don't think he's the same abusive—"
"It doesn't matter if he's still the same or not, you're with me now, right? You wouldn't dare go back to the same man who abused you, right? You know you have me now, right?" he asked, feeling his anxiety rise at the thought of her trying to leave him for the same man who abused her. "Sakura, you have to be kidding me—"
"Syaoran, calm down. I'm not trying to go back to him. I was just saying that I know how he is, and he'll want to talk to me," Sakura said, grabbing his face so he could look at her. "I said that I'm not leaving you, okay?"
He swallowed nervously, nodding his head. "Okay," he forced out, feeling himself tremble a little at the thought of that really happening. He did not know what he would do if that were to happen.
"I just...wanted you to know. A part of me is...terrified because all I can think and remember are the horrible events that played out between us..."
Deciding to put his own feelings to the side, he grabbed her hands on his face so he could squeeze her hands gently. "I would never let anything happen to you. I would never let anyone, or thing put you in danger. You trust me, right?" he asked.
She nodded. "I know, I just..."
"Then trust that I will keep you safe and sound," he promised.
She smiled at him weakly, nodding her head. "I do," she said.
"Good. Now..." He trailed off, thinking more about it and becoming irritated at the thought of the man trying to talk to his Sakura. "Gosh, why is he getting out," Syaoran said to himself, feeling his frustration rise.
He moved away from Sakura so he could have some space to think and feel about all of this. He had no right to be upset about this, but he could not help but feel like the gods were laughing at him again.
Sakura made it a point to prove that she would choose no other person over him, but he could not help but freak out at the thought of that actually happening.
She sighed. "I...don't know, really. I don't even think I want to know. I don't want to have anything to do with him, so you really don't have to worry..." she said softly.
Syaoran smiled a little, though that eased none of his uncertainty about the man. He felt unbearably guilty for still not fully trusting that she would never leave him like she already had before, but sometimes it almost seemed impossible. She had already left him more than two times since they started this relationship, even though she promised she would not.
"Look...lets...pause this, okay? Let's enjoy tonight and...continue this talk another day, maybe? The last time we saw each other wasn't the most pleasant and I want this time to be a lot better to make up for last time, okay?" she said.
Syaoran looked at her, seeing a pleading look in her eyes before he decided to give in to her request with a forced smile and nod. "Okay. Come here," he said, moving towards her before she could even come to him.
When he reached her, he leaned down to give her a lingering kiss that told her that he would be here for her no matter what.
She smiled against his lips before pulling back, to his dismay. "You didn't tell me about Tomoyo and Eriol trying to get pregnant," she said, changing the conversation.
"Oh! Let's save that conversation for over dinner," he said, smiling at her gently. "Go to the dining room while I get your plate fixed, okay?"
"I can fix—"
"Ah-ah, I have this. This dinner is supposed to be for you, so I want to serve you," he said, kissing her nose teasingly.
She giggled, scrunching her nose in the cutest way. "Fine..." she said, already heading out of the kitchen to the dining room.
Syaoran's eyes lingered on her body until she disappeared in the other room. It felt like he had not seen or touched her in the longest of times, yet his eyes and hands could still remember all the curves and blemishes on every single part of her body. Having her here tonight made every single hormone rumble in his body, but he knew not to think he might get that lucky. He had already been lucky enough to have her agree to come here tonight, so he was happy enough with just that. Plus, she said that they would take this relationship "slow," as she put it. If he got anything else out of tonight, that would just be the cherry on top. He was not expecting it though.
With that thought in mind, he turned the burners off on the stove before he took a plate out of the cabinet. He fixed both of their plates before bringing them to the dining room where she was. He set the plate down in front of her.
"You really don't have to do this much, Syaoran..." Sakura said.
Syaoran looked at her with a smile on his face. "I know."
"Then..."
He put his plate on the other side of the table and then took the bottle of wine to pour some in the empty wine glasses. "Do you have a problem with a man serving his woman?" he asked in a teasing tone.
He looked at her, seeing a blush form on her cheeks with a smile she tried to hold back. "When did I become your woman?" she asked with a raised brow.
"When we decided that we would give this 'us' a try...I'm not going anywhere, Sakura. Unless you plan on leaving me...I'll always be here, no matter what you do or say," he promised.
He hated to think about it, but he knew that there was nothing she could do to make him leave. Even if she had done some things to betray him, he may have been upset, but he knew he would never leave her. She could only get rid of him if she truly did not want to be with him. And even then, he would fight until she convinced him that she did not want him anymore.
"Well...we're still taking this one step at a time," she said softly. "I'm in it for the long run. I'm not interested in waiting around anymore."
"And neither am I," he said, moving over to sit in the seat across from her where his plate is.
"What's your longest relationship been?" she asked suddenly.
He scoffed, shaking his head. "I don't even know if you could call what I had relationships, honestly," he said. "You want to say the blessing for the food?"
She nodded before saying a quick prayer for their food. Once she finished, her attention was back on him. "Why do you say that?"
"Because it was just...them being there for me to have sex. Uhh...that's when I just wanted one consistent person I could always go to, and to...clear my name in the town..." he said, starting to feel ashamed of himself now.
"I mean..."
"On top of that, I didn't want to be with anyone. I've never genuinely liked anyone before you," he said, picking up his fork when he saw her do the same.
"Maybe you just think that you didn't like them," she said before taking a bite out of the piece of lasagna she had cut.
Her eyes closed as she moaned loudly. "I've never ate something that melts in my mouth like that," she said.
Even though that reaction was due to the food, his mind could not help but trick his body into going down that lane right now. "So...you like it?" he asked nervously.
Sakura always seemed to make him want to doubt himself when it came to his skills.
"I love it," she said before taking another bite out of the lasagna.
He watched her squeal and moan at each bite she took from her plate with a smile on his face. He chuckled, deciding to eat out of his own plate. "Also, I didn't like them. I liked what I could get from them, as bad as that sounds."
"I get that..." she said, covering her mouth as she chewed her food. "It's wrong though."
"I know it was wrong," he said, watching her as she savored every bite of the food she took with the most delighted look on her.
He could not help but want to jump across the table and shower her with love because of how cute she is.
"Good, I'm just making sure you know," she said, smiling at him a little once she swallowed all of her food.
"I know. And it's not like that with you, okay? I like you because of who you are...and not what you can give me because I've had other opportunities to get what I used to want all the time, but I don't even pay attention to any of those opportunities anymore because what I want is you," he said in a promising tone.
She smiled at him bashfully. "I know..." she said quietly.
When neither of them said anything, Sakura went back to eating her food and taking sips out of her glass of wine.
"About your question earlier, about...Daidouji and my annoying cousin...they asked me not to tell anyone about it," he said.
She sighed softly. "I know. She told me about it..." she said, trailing off after that statement.
At hearing her sound deep in thought about it, something came to mind. "Your mother...she passed giving birth to you?" he asked quietly.
"Unfortunately, but it's okay," she said, smiling at him a little.
"I was told that your bodies are built differently than most women, so it's hard for you to bear children...you still want to have kids?" he asked.
She shrugged as if it were nothing. "Of course I do. I'm not going to let something that isn't a guarantee stop me from accomplishing my main dream," she said nonchalantly.
"Yeah, but...—"
"What are you trying to say, Syaoran? If you don't want to have kids, by all means...don't. I want kids and I'm not changing my mind about that...ever," she said, giving him a look that made him see how serious she is about this.
"I'm not saying that, Sakura. I've already expressed how much I do want kids, especially to raise them and give them everything I didn't have growing up. That is not the issue—"
"It is the issue here. You're trying to use that as an excuse to not get the reversal, aren't you? When are you planning to do that anyway?" she asked, all in a calm tone that made him wonder if she were not affected at all by this conversation.
He frowned, not liking where the conversation was headed and her attitude about it. "I don't have an exact date yet, but I am still planning to get it," he said. "I'm not trying to use any of this as an excuse. This is about putting your health first."
"And me not trying to have a kid is putting my health first? Do you know how I will feel if I never have my own kid? That's been a dream of mine since I was little, Syaoran. I've always wanted to have my own kid and feel and see what it's like to have a mother growing up...you or anyone else can't take that away from me," she said, her voice starting to sound a little sad towards the end of that statement.
Syaoran could tell this was a very touchy topic for her, so he decided to put an end to it. "You're right. I can't or won't take that right from you," he said quietly. "We can save this conversation for another time too."
"When are you planning to get the reversal?" she asked again.
"I..." he started, not sure what to tell her right now.
Quite frankly, he had not thought anything about it since he had found out that Sakura's family had a history of dying while giving birth from Eriol. That did not mean that he did not want kids though. It just meant that he wanted to make sure that Sakura would be safe during the process of it all. He just found her, and he would be damned to lose her so soon in this life.
"I knew it. You were lying, weren't you? About the whole, 'I'll get it in the beginning of the year' stuff—"
"I was not, Sakura," he said sternly, wanting her to believe her own accusations as false. "I haven't been able to this month because of the trial, but I will still get it. Why can't you understand how much I want that just as much as you want it?" he asked, feeling betrayed that she thought that he did not want kids too.
"Because I can't see it. I'm not trying to tell you that I want kids right now...just...if we're talking about pursuing this relationship seriously and for the long run... that needs to be fixed if we are both after the same end goal. I don't want to get all deep in and then you pop out and tell me that you decided that you don't want that anymore—"
"And that's where we are different, Sakura. I am in all deep already. My mind changed about that because of what I see with you. I'm in it for good, but just give me time to set everything in motion," he said in a promising tone.
She did not say anything and continued to eat her food quietly, leaving him to his thoughts about all of this.
He had to get her in the hospital and have a lot of test ran on her immediately.
A/N: Grr, I edited this entire chapter at the school I was working at today and I found out that it never saved, so I had to re-edit the entire chapter again tonight, but here we are! Firstly, thank you guys so much for the reviews! I have been responding to most(at least the ones who are more reasonable) reviews, but FanFiction is being funky again, so you have to go to your messages specifically to see the response instead of getting notified through your emails :). Also, I see the many questions being asked and they will all be answered as the story progresses. There are no plot holes until a story is fully complete(especially in my stories since I tend to reveal one small little thing before the full truth is revealed later on)!
Okay, so, amongst other things, a lot happened in this chapter, yet it didn't at the same time it seems! Syaoran's finally coming to terms with a loot of things! I know you guys are going to hate me for not revealing what he's texted his mom yet, but it's going to be the pivotal event that changes everything! I'm still debating with myself on how I want her to appear in the story, but I do know it's going to be within the next few chapters possibly :). Eichii has yet to make an appearance again too, but he's ready to get back on his feet? Why's Sakura feeling like Eichii is not over her? Aki is still doubting about being Syaoran's therapist, which he has every reason to! Sakura doesn't seem to want to look at the bigger picture because she's just focused on their relationship not being forbidden, but will she let up on the idea eventually and think about how Syaoran feels about it? If she does, who will be Syaoran's therapist then? Oh! Tomoyo's pregnant too! And a little get together is about to happen again with all their friends! Will it be better than the last time at Chiharu's house? Hmm...is everyone going to finally leave Sakura and Syaoran's relationship alone? And good Lord, the reviews about Syaoran being a "weak" and "not strict" boss is hilarious. The man has been a strict, no-warning asshole that everyone feared for years and then he decides to let up a little, he's weak? Do we want Syaoran to be a better person fully or not? You can't pick and choose when you want to be good when you're claiming to be a "better" person. You are or you're not, unfortunately.
Considering that everyone was involved with rumors and drama in the hospital, he couldn't fire everyone. Everyone gets one fair warning and if anyone does anything after that, then they get the bad end of the stick. If I'm making Syaoran get better, he's going to be better ALL THE WAY—no halfway stuff going on :). Yes, we all want justice for what people have done, but I can't just make things fall into place perfectly because that's not how things work, especially not in this story unfortunately lol.
But anyway, the conversation about kids is finally brought up again...this seems like a touchy topic for our couple! Will Syaoran throw away his fears of possibly losing Sakura or will he try to protect her? Hmmm...
I'm really glad that I've been able to relate the characters to you guys and bring some knowledge to you all about mental health and such on a smaller scale, as well! That has been my biggest motivation driver in my writing, knowing that others are benefiting out of it, other than just entertainment :). I know I ended the chapter abruptly, but it was getting really long without me even noticing, so I decided to end it there. Their dinner date will be continued on the next chapter along with plenty of more things!
I'll end the note here though...
Hope to read you all soon!
Ja ne!