Chapter 36

"You said that you had two sisters. Wouldn't you feel important if you could buy them good food and good clothes? Wouldn't that be a sensible thing to do?"

Hanna spread her hands with a smile. "Miss, if the family I went to work for ...if they gave me a salary, then I will take it. It is the sensible thing to do. And my family will be happy. But I will never ask for it. Not now when everyone is still poor. Everyone must be together in happiness and sadness-"

"It still sounds foolish to me. "

"Miss, today I buy a dress for my sister and today she needs a dress. But after wearing it ...after two days.. she thinks about the stain she got on the dress and how her hard work makes her spoil it. She does not remember my gift anymore. She thinks only about what she wants-"

"Then I'll say that you have a very selfish and ungrateful sister!"

"No Miss. Not ungrateful. But yes, selfish. Everyone is."

"Are they?" quipped Scarlett, feeling a little annoyed by Hanna's words.

"Yes. That is why money isn't enough. Once it goes, no one remembers. But a kind word ...that everyone remembers-"

"Oh fiddle-dee-dee..."

"And when I listen and listen to my old Miss, she likes me and thinks I am good to talk to- And when she is in trouble..I am able to make some idea to make her happy again and she take my idea- because she likes me-"

Hanna's eyes widened. "But I don't do this for my own happiness- I do really like the Miss. I tell her so- What is the matter, Miss? Why are you sitting with such a smile?"

Scarlett smiled ruefully. "I was remembering my Mother. When you spoke, I remembered her. She was a lot like this. She took real interest in everyone and everyone loved me.. especially me."

"That is nice" murmured Hanna.

"No. I don't think it was-"

"Why not?"

"You see, Hanna.. sometimes, sometimes.. just listening and taking real interest is not enough... sometimes, a Mother has to share herself.. especially with her children-"

"Ah.. to be close?"

"Yes. I think I always wanted her to be close to me. I always wanted it. But somehow she couldn't-"

"And this upsets you so much even now?"

Scarlett looked up and squared her shoulders. "Yes. It does. But what really upsets me is.. when the war happened, every family lost a father, a son, a beau or a husband.. and all the mothers cried for their dead. And whoever was badly wounded, they came staggering back to their mother's arms."

Tears welled Scarlett's eyes.

"But I was the only one who lost a Mother in the war. The whole thing was turned upside down. I was all right. All through the flight from Atlanta, all I could think of was my Mother and how good it will feel to be safe again... Isn't that what the men are dreaming of when they return from the war? They dream of their mothers- someone who has the house stable and safe.. someone who will know what to do after the drama is over.. they all found their mothers but I didn't find mine. And all the ladies I know.. they fly to protect their children..grown men and women.. they still worry after them and care for them.. and their grown children..yes, they make mistakes and they are learning.. but they've still got their Mother, backing them.. Someone who can set them on the right track and soothe their fears.. And God took her away-"

Scarlett's shoulder's shook but she didn't cry. The tears seemed to hold in her eyes in bitterness. "I stopped feeling then. What was the use? If she were alive.. then.. at Tara, life would have been different. Mother would have taken care of Melly, Pa wouldn't have lost his mind, Suellen wouldn't have disgraced herself by associating with Yankee riff raff and Careen wouldn't have gone to a convent. Things would have been hard but life would have had meaning. But not only did God take her away but he always make the entire load fall on me- so I couldn't feel anymore- I couldn't.. I couldn't.."