Chapter 37
For the first time since after the war, Scarlett wept for her personal losses. She always thought that if she ever opened the floodgates, the pain will be so huge that she'd rather die and she was partly right. Her heart squeezed and tore within her but out of grief and bitterness, only a few tears slipped down her cheeks. She did not grieve as she thought she would. Somehow, when she brought up memories of her Mother and Gerald, the memories were mixed.. both old and new. When she thought of her Mother, she remembered her tall, slender form, wearing black taffeta and her black hair combed to a smooth chignon which seemed to weigh her head a little backwards. But to this, she also mixed realistic memories of her Mother working tirelessly during the war, on her last visit to Tara. She remembered her hassled face and her worried expressions. This balance of memories seemed to give her strength to stop her tears and cry another time. When she thought of her loud, blustering father, again, to her surprise, her memories were mixed.. both old and new. When she remembered Gerald, looking so lost and childlike during his last years, again she found she could not lose herself in grief.
It was common sense that held her back.
Scarlett decided she would rather tell the truth to her Aunt about Hanna. But first she would stay a few days and subtly show her Aunt how good a maid Hanna could be. So, without Aunt Pauline's knowing it, she was being prepared to like the little black maid with a soft voice that spoke such fluent French.
Aunt Pauline could not help feeling deeply sympathetic towards Hanna. When she heard of her blindness in one eye, the old Aunt clicked her tongue and commented to Scarlett about how everyone had suffered in their own way because of the war. But her Aunt did not immediately offer to find some position for Hanna. Scarlett thought with impatience that she would have to wait another week before she could hint at her Aunt to do the same.
Whenever they went visit, Scarlett always kept an eye out for the kind of family that might be interested in keeping Hanna.
One evening, they happened to visit a family where the old gentleman was a Dr. James Mosby who had served as an army doctor during the war. He was retired now but still making a few house calls. When the family agreed to take Hanna, she was effusive towards Scarlett in praise and gratitude.
Scarlett was pleased but it was a bittersweet happiness for her since she always imagined herself to be surrounded by her friends and family and Rhett when she finally became a Great Lady. Mammy's words had planted hopes in her heart about a change in herself but she had always expected to impress Rhett.
And he wasn't there.
One evening, as they sat knitting at the table, Scarlett looked up and asked her Aunt how the entire Robillard-O'Hara alliance came about and how it was received at Savannah. Aunt Pauline was surprised by this question but nevertheless, she like reminiscing the past and she began to think.
"It was such a long time ago, Scarlett. Your Mother was very young and she was a very pretty girl. And she had many beaus from Savannah and even one or two from Charleston. She was the youngest in the family, a very well-brought up young girl. And your Mother fancied a wild and reckless cousin as a favourable beau. We were all against it. And we sent that boy away because we were ashamed of his wild behaviour."
Aunt Pauline dropped her knitting and frowned. "Our times weren't like the present- Nowadays young ladies marry whomever they please in just a few days of courtship. When I heard that Edward's daughter- that pretty, rosy-cheeked Prudence was going to marry her beau in just a week, I thought-"
"Aunt, please.. I'd rather you spoke about my Mother- What happened after her cousin died?"
"Oh you know the story?" asked Aunt Pauline in surprise. "Did you hear it from your father?"
"No. I think.. I..I don't remember. But I want to know-"
"Yes, he died. He died in a most undesirable place. None of us speak of him. But your Mother blamed us for his death. She set her heart against us and threatened to go to a convent just to upset her poor father who was a Presbyterian."
"Why was it so terrible for her to go to a convent?"
"My dear!" Aunt Pauline dropped her knitting once again. "It isn't necessary! Your Mother wanted to go to a convent and your grandfather was against it because ...because the entire thing was .. well, He was a Presbyterian!"
Scarlett looked blank.
"My dear, it isn't necessary to step out of the social class and do good deeds to receive pardon for one's sins. It is faith and faith alone that will overcome. And all this work of writing prayers and church worship readings with the Apostles in mind.. we don't believe-"
"Yes Aunt" replied Scarlett, hastily. "Was that when my Mother met Pa?"
"Yes. He was an old gentleman and he had been courting her for sometime. They were married in few days time."
Aunt Pauline looked up shrewdly. "Why all these questions now Scarlett? What makes you wonder so much about your parents?"
Scarlett shrugged lightly. "I often think how two people so unlike each other could be so kind and devoted to one another-"
"I have never spoken for very long to your father and it was so many years ago. But I recall him to be a kind man, a little boisterous and ambitious gentleman but kind and gentle nevertheless. I am sure Ellen admired him for those virtues."
"Yes, but I don't think Pa understood Mother very well-"
"It doesn't really matter, Scarlett. Your Uncle Carey doesn't understand me very well too. But I don't mind. You see, Scarlett- men are like children. They talk big and work themselves up into fine tempers. But the truth is, deep inside they are like children. They have to know that they are important. I am sure Ellen made your father feel important-"
"Oh, yes.. she always did!"
"Well then-"
"But Aunt, how can that alone make a happy marriage?"
"Are you saying they weren't happy?"
"No, I-"
"Why should it matter, Scarlett? Why after so many years?"
"I know that Pa thought my Mother was a walking miracle. We all did. But I don't know how- Pa was an Irishman- And Mother did not understand many things about being Irish-"
"Scarlett, my views are old-fashioned but there is good sense in them. Not everyone falls wildly, passionately in love when they are married. When your Mother wanted to get away from us, your father appeared and he was a gentleman despite his unknown lineage-.. And in a way, he must have been a kind escape for her. And she made the best of the life he could give-"
"Mother worked for an unfair amount of time on Tara. In the end, Pa couldn't do without her-"
"Ah yes-" Aunt Pauline's eyes twinkled. "Always take the lead but defer the credit to the husband"
Scarlett looked bewildered.
"Scarlett, a woman may work twice as hard as a man- But she must never say it out loud or prove it out in front of men."
"Why not?!" cried Scarlett.
Aunt Pauline frowned. "Because our men aren't mature enough to understand!"
"Pa was a little boy in many ways-"
"Not just your Pa. All men are that way- When the good Lord cursed Adam and Eve, he made sure Eve an never expect any kind of leading but only domination from Adam. Our husband will never lead us. They will never willingly put their hands to work and getting results. They would see it as a slur to their pride. And if we did approach them or reproach them, they would roar and growl like lions. It is we, the wives who do the actual work. We bend our backs and pass the credit to our husbands when in fact, we are the true leaders."
"I don't see why any woman should stoop to-"
"My dear, you have very many things to learn. By the time a man has jumped through several hoops to win your heart, the least you could do is credit your accomplishments to him. Think of it like as though you were handling a child. Imagine yourself sitting with Wade and drawing a picture. He scribbles outside the lines and keeps making mistakes. But you fix it up and you show it to everyone and tell them Wade has done it, don't you? That's your motherly pride. And in return, you have Wade's adoration. That's the ultimate reward. Every woman wants to be adored-"