Chapter 2: An Adoring Imouto-Type Princess For This Brave Hero!
Part 1
With the royal visit in two days time, we still had plenty of time to burn. In that regard, not much changed since we defeated the Devil King.
In fact, had anything changed at all?
I clapped my hands. The bard who was playing the lute stopped strumming and turned to regard me.
"Yes, Satou-sama?"
"Uh, slow ballads are cool and all but can you play something livelier? Darkness will get mad at me if I sleep in the middle of the day again."
"As you command."
The bard began playing livelier riffs and sang an upbeat song full of praises for my heroic self.
"There once was a hero from a strange foreign land. His mind was quick, and so was his hand. With profound wisdom and keen insight...he vanquishes evil, makes them flee to the night…OH KAZUMA THE WISE, OH KAZUMA..."
The bard then went off on a complicated lute solo, the sound distorted with the mana powered amps and equipment I provided for him (on sale in Wiz's Magic Store now).
As I was enjoying the music, my butler, not-Sebastian, came by, and in his hands was a letter.
"This came in this morning, sir. I've been meaning to give it to you as soon as I received it, but you were still sleeping."
"I thought I told you not to comment on my abnormal sleeping patterns. My screwed up biorhythms are none of your concern, thank you very much."
"Very well, sir."
I used Detect Trap on the letter and detected no hints of sabotage or trap mechanisms, mechanic or magical. There was no returnee address or any indication of the sender's identity.
I eagerly opened it and caught the faint scent of floral perfume, and the handwriting was undoubtedly feminine.
"Could this be...the mythical love letter?! Has my popular period finally arrived?!"
I eagerly read the letter.
Dear Satou Kazuma-sama,
This isn't a love letter, you presumptuous fool.
You expected a love letter, but it's me, Megumin!
JK, JK.
Hang out with me this afternoon. I'm incredibly bored. I will lose my sanity if this impregnable boredom persists.
And you don't want a mage who's mastered the Explosion spell to lose her sanity.
-Your pal, Megumin
"Sebastian, please clear my schedule for the afternoon."
"Sir, you don't have a schedule to clear, unless you count the three o'clock snack session with Lady Aqua as part of your agenda? And stop calling me 'Sebastian' already."
"Sebastian, please have mercy on a NEET like me."
I dressed myself in the formal wear Darkness insisted we had tailored, not only in anticipation for the royal visit, but for daily wear, as well. We were VIP's now, she explained. We couldn't be seen in public wearing our shabby adventurer's gear. She also strictly forbade me from wearing my tracksuit anywhere outside the area of a private space.
As I went out, Megumin came out of her room at the same time.
"Oh, Kazuma, how rare. I'm not used to seeing your butt not glued to a couch."
"Well, I suddenly found a very good reason to go out."
"I'm sure the reason was quite compelling."
She was wearing fur boots, a blouse, skirt and thigh-high socks, a black shawl, and a necklace with a ruby that matched her eyes. She wasn't carrying her staff but she had a slim, basic wooden wand tucked inside one of her boots.
"I'm going shopping for gear. Want to come along?" she asked.
"What do you need gear for? We already killed the Devil King. The climax of this story is over and done with. We are now in the denouement stage, and everything that follows after is superfluous, slice-of-life filler."
Even if there was an uprising from the Devil King's subordinates, or one of the Devil King's offsprings were to rise in power and pursue us for revenge, in anime and manga, there's usually an interval of idleness and minor character development between the conclusion and the start of the new arc.
"Darkness thinks that it'd be appropriate to greet the royal family with formal attire, but I think that she's mistaken. They came here to see adventurers not nobles. I'm sure that people in dresses and suits must be an eyesore for them now."
"You speak like you hate formal wear but you're totally parading around your new wardrobe, aren't you?"
"There's a feminine part of me that likes dolling up, too, you know."
I actually heard the words 'dolling up' from Megumin.
"Your awakened femininity aside, I guess it can't hurt to buy some extra gear. We have way too much time and money to spare, and while money is easy to burn, effectively killing time requires some creativity."
"You can say that again. I was counting the strands of fur on Chomusuke's tail yesterday, just to pass the time."
"You don't want to know what I've been doing to pass the time."
"Pervert."
Part 2
We went to a magic shop that didn't have any unlucky Liches as its proprietor. Wiz was pleasant to have around, but her magic items were useless at best and detrimental, at their worst. Also, I didn't want to deal with Vanir, who most likely already concocted a plan to use our fame to propel his financial agenda.
"Welcome to the 'Magic Merchant'. What can I do for you?"
"Well, first thing you can do for me is to come up with a more creative name for this shop. Geez, what's up with the businesses in this town? 'Wiz's Magic Item Store'? 'Axel-branch Adventurer's Guild'? How insipid!"
Megumin, who prided herself with her unusual naming conventions, became sincerely affronted.
It was a good thing she wasn't aware of the 'Succubus Shop'.
"Look, are you going to buy something or not?"
It seemed that Megumin was about to go on a spiel about 'killing Devil Kings' and 'respect for the heroes of this land', like she usually had in recent days, but she deflated in the end, her shoulders slumping, and went on to check out the wares.
As I assumed she was looking for advanced, high-level mage gear, I let her do her own thing as I browsed the products meant for more casual practitioners of the arcane arts.
The shopkeeper proved to be the experienced and wily one, as he went to assist me, a complete magical item novice, instead of the knowledgeable Megumin. He approached me like a stereotypical salesman, rubbing his hands together, and said, "Sir, can I recommend some products for you?"
"Sure, but just so you know, I gained the 'Sense Motive' skill recently so I can tell if you're trying to rip me off."
"I-I would never consider doing such a thing, especially to someone of your caliber, sir."
Well, wasn't that interesting! I assumed that the NPC's...I mean, the merchants of this town, would disregard my accomplishments, or any changes in real-time current events, like they did in games, and treat me like they were programmed...I mean, like they always did.
"For you, sir, I recommend this robe."
He lead me to a row of wooden mannequins displaying robes of the same style, but different colors. The robes weren't too long, reaching to the thigh of the mannequins, and they came with a hood and gems that lined the collars. Very wizardly.
"These robes are made from mystic spider web-silk, so they absorb magical enhancements very effectively. While the robes are nothing special by themselves, if you can find an excellent magician to enchant them, this can be a very powerful item. I'm selling them for 50,000 Eris, by the way."
So I was required to enchant it myself. The concept of 'do-it-yourself' existed in popular furniture retailers back in Earth, too. I wouldn't have been interested in such a commonplace magical ware, but thinking about what a high level Lich like Wiz can do to enchant this robe had me considering all sorts of possibilities.
"Ah, it seems that you are interested. What color would you like them in, sir?"
After the robes, he led me to a rack filled with shoes. Some of the shoes were glowing, or displayed some other conspicuous magical effect, while some of them just looked like regular footwear.
"This is the new shipment of 'Boots of Speed'."
'Boots of Speed' was a common fixture in many RPG's. A very useful item, and powerful in the right hands...or, I suppose, feet. While I had the 'Expeditious Retreat' spell in my magical repertoire, it wouldn't hurt to have a convenient item that would drastically raise base movement speed. Plus, there were no restrictions in how many times one can stack speed bonuses.
"Here it is."
This guy said something like 'Boots of Speed' but they weren't even boots.
"U-Um, I know that they look kind of strange, but the magic item crafter who made this was from a foreign land, and he claimed that their footwear looked like this...um...aside from the aesthetics, you'll find that the utilities are…"
Yes, they weren't even boots.
In my old world, they would be called sneakers.
Furthermore, the sneaker's design was overly similar to that popular shoe company with a checkmark for its brand logo.
That's right, the 'Boots of Speed' were a pair of N*ke's!
To think that a Japanese cheater would go so far as to plagiarize one of the most recognizable brands back in Earth. How shameful! With Vanir, I took care to emulate the functionality of the item, but I never went so far as to directly rip-off the copy and design of an already established product!
Whoever this scumbag Japanese was, I resolved to give him a stern talking to about artistic integrity!
Nevertheless, I still purchased the products. I couldn't pass up on such a potentially powerful item, moral issues aside.
I met Megumin at the service counter. It seems she bought some Manatite crystals, low quality ones, compared to the uber-expensive stuff Wiz used to sell, spare robes, more basic wooden wands, and some enchanted looking jewelry.
"Does the jewelry have any enchantments?" I asked.
"This red one increases the destructive potential of spells."
"That's the one thing you don't need more of!"
I paid for the items, pulling out a wad of Eris that had the store owner and Megumin drooling.
After we left the store, we walked aimlessly around the streets while carrying our bags of new gear. I noticed that people were giving us more attention than they did before, an expected consequence. But there were some, our acquaintances mostly, who didn't seem affected by our sudden rise in prestige at all, and came over to fool around with us as per usual.
"Nothing really changed at all, did it?" Megumin remarked, as she waved 'good-by' to a mutual friend of ours.
"Funny, I was thinking that exact same thing this morning."
Since it was one o'clock, even though it was a bit late for lunch, Megumin and I stopped by at a cafe to eat.
As she was ordering dishes that traditionally contained sauces, I requested for the staff to bring Megumin a bib, lest she stain her fancy new clothes.
"I am indignant about your unsubtle insinuations, but I am oddly touched about the gesture."
"Yeah, yeah. There's marinara sauce on your cheek."
After eating, we engaged in our daily Explosion routine (the jewelry really did increase destructive power) and then I carried Megumin home, but this time I had to deal with our recently purchased encumbrance as well.
When I arrived, I realized too late that I could have contacted not-Sebastian to come and assist with the extra luggage.
When I brought Megumin to her room, she told me to wait a moment as she rummaged through her bags. I waited by her doorstep.
"Here, just a little something for accompanying me today. I really was going to die of boredom, I'll have you know."
It was a necklace with an emerald.
"It's not emerald, by the way, if that's what you're thinking. It's just a glowing green rock."
"Is it enchanted or anything?"
"Not really? It's just a glowing green rock, like I said. But you can bluff the enemy and make them think it's something when it isn't."
Megumin said this proudly, as if she actually gave serious thought about this impulse purchase she was trying to push onto me.
"I can't tell if you're being nice or insulting," I said.
"Hey, I'm paying you a compliment. You're good at making something out of nothing."
I took out my own bags and retrieved a robe, one of the two I bought. It was Red and black themed and the fabric was designed to flutter more easily in the wind for that extra-heroic effect. I said, "Incidentally, I also got you something but I didn't think that you'd buy all of those spare robes. You nearly cleaned out all the apparel in the store. So, here. If you even want it."
Megumin took the robes and wore them. They were a bit too small for her, and the implication didn't slip past Megumin, but in order to preserve the 'moment', she didn't say anything. "Well, I sort of have a reason for getting you that gift, but what's your excuse?"
"It was a buy-one-get-one sort of deal."
"Yeah, I figured."
We heartily shared a fit of a laughter.
"Ohohoho!"
"Ehehehe!"
"..."
"..."
"Impulse shopper."
"Cheap bastard."
Part 3
Darkness, letting herself into my room without any advance warning, plopped down beside me on the sofa with the weary mannerisms of a nine to five corporal slave just arriving home.
There were dark bags under her eyes and her black blouse and skirt was tousled and covered in sweat. If she didn't look precariously close to being defined in monster encyclopedias as an Undead subtype of some sort, I'd find the sight of her wet clothes arousing.
"Kazuma, Megumin tells me that you guys spent the afternoon together."
She suddenly made this provocative remark about my interactions with another woman.
This scenario would not be amiss in the domestic going-ons of a loveless marriage.
"Yeah, we did. What, are you jealous?"
"Quite frankly? Yeah, why wouldn't I be?"
Receiving this stunning confession from Darkness, I looked away from the 'Skill Book' I was reading (they don't just go 'poof' into digital oblivion and you get a free skill, go figure) and turned to regard her.
"Finally, you look up from that stupid book and make actual eye contact with me. You know, my father always complains about how the new generation lacks basic courtesy, and I always figured they were just the ramblings of an outdated dinosaur, but I'm starting to empathize with his vaguely agist perspective!"
"Whatever. So you were jealous about my lovey-dovey date with Megumin? Continue."
"I-I'm not jealous of you dating! Date whomever, whenever you want, see if it bothers me! And it wasn't a date, anyways! Megumin assured me! What I'm jealous of is our comparative circumstances! You and Megumin and... Aqua, are either hanging out with each other or doing your own thing, while I'm spending ten hours of the day doing paperwork and engaging in the dregs of human activity that is diplomacy, a.k.a.: the contest to kiss as much ass in the span of a three hour conference as humanly possible! Oh, goddess Eris, I really hate the word 'conference' now! I'm tempted to use my position and power to eradicate that word from this nation's vernacular!"
"Well, Lady Dustiness, you are not doing the ass kissing but is the one getting your ass kissed, instead. Many men and women were born into much more terrible fates."
"Oh, don't get me started with your ambiguous sense of ethics! In fact, I don't want any remonstrations about ethics from you, of all people!"
After her non-stop ranting, Darkness became breathless. Her face took on a shade of green. She really did look like a zombie now. 'Darkness' was totally what you'd name a zombie, too. It could also serve perfectly as a stripper's stage alias.
"I've noticed for a while now, but you're being quite the self-righteous prick all of a sudden," I said.
"...Yeah, I realize that. Sorry. Ten hours of being around pretentious nobles, remember?"
Her torso slid down the sofa until the small of her back was pressed against the seat and her butt almost made contact with the floor. She turned to me with a sideway gaze.
"Hey..." she started to say.
There was a knock on the door. The impatient hammering indicated that it was Aqua on the other side.
"Hiyas! I came for food! Oh, and Megumin is here, too."
"Yo."
Aqua said, "Let's the four of us eat a meal together! It's been awhile."
To which Megumin responded, "Actually, make that five. I sense a wild Yunyun hiding nearby."
There was the sound of hurried footsteps.
"I-I wasn't hiding! I was just obscuring my presence behind those decorative plants over there!" Yunyun then started spitting. Megumin could be heard saying 'Yuck!' "Excuse me. Some synthetic spruce got in my mouth."
It was about time for dinner, anyways, so I let them in. I anticipated an event of this sort earlier, no one likes eating alone, after all, and had the staff prepare food for four plus people.
The entree that night was Devil Cow sirloin steak. The 'Devil' referred to the cow's natural red skin and black horns. There was nothing inherently demonic about the cow itself. In fact, their milk was richer in calcium than ordinary cows.
Miraculously, the one to start the customary dinner table exchange of small talk was the socially inept Yunyun.
"It's really quite surreal! Kazuma-san's party defeated a giant poison slime not too long ago, and now you've also defeated the Devil King!"
"I appreciate your efforts Yunyun," I said, "but I believe that it's still too soon for a summary of past events, however seamlessly you may have executed it."
Megumin stopped chowing down on her steak and stood from her seat, raising her chest valiantly.
I anticipated a show of arrogance headed our way. She had on that distinctive smug look that made her seem like an old man instead of a teenage girl.
"Fufufu. I have an important proclamation! The long standing competition between Yunyun and I has now been resolved due to the undisputed merit of my accomplishments! No amount of Giant Toads you can subjugate more than I am capable of...though I do commend you on your ability to effectively deal with those monstrosities...can ever best what I…"
"...That's what I came for, Megumin...I'm renouncing our rival-ship."
"...have accomplished…"
Oh, how awkward it was.
And it was made even more awkward by a certain moronic goddess. A stretch of silence followed and the only sound that could be heard was the tactless Aqua's munching. She eventually had the sense to slow her chewing when she registered the awkward atmosphere, but then continued to display her moronic tendencies when she took the liberty of sipping a big gulp of wine before finally shutting the hell up.
Megumin dabbed at her face covered with steak juice before speaking to the downcast Yunyun.
"Um...hooray? This is all I ever wanted?"
The look on Megumin's troubled face was like that of a disillusioned profiteer who eventually realizes that there's more to life than money.
It was the feeling of 'I attained all that I ever wanted, but at what cost?'.
What began as a nice dinner, a reunion with old friends, somehow morphed into a scene from some melodramatic soap opera.
"I lose. There's no denying it anymore. You've always been a genius...the genius of the Crimson Demon clan, Megumin. I thought I could get closer to beating you if I learned Advanced Magic, but...in the end I just followed the crowd and did what everyone else was doing, while you forged your own path with Explosion Magic...and, and…"
Yunyun's eyes flickered between me and Megumin rapidly.
"You...You've also beaten me as a woman! Wah! It's not fair!"
Yunyun made to leave, but not before taking a few more bites of the delicacy that was Devil Cow, and sipping some wine while she was at it.
We all looked at Megumin, who was too stunned to respond.
In order to break the silence, I tried cracking a joke.
"Who wants to bet that the next time we see Yunyun, her hair will be cut shorter to visually symbolize her character development?"
And Aqua replied with, "Pssh. You amateur. That's already a given. I wager that Megumin will make up with Yunyun by saying cliche lines like 'Yes, let's stop being rivals...and start being proper friends!'"
Megumin stood and went to Yunyun's seat, and it seemed like Yunyun left her purse behind. Megumin, being the heartless type, rummaged through Yunyun's belongings and dug out a book called 'How to Make Friends Vol. 78'. There was a bookmark and Megumin flipped to the marked page, which led to a chapter that was entitled: Stratagem #35: Raise A Friend's Affection By Making Them Think that Your Current Relationship is in Danger."
Megumin tossed the book down on the table. She said, "So as you can see, my rival is that kind of idiot."
Part 4
"How does this tux look?"
"Perfect, sir. If you are enrolling for Butler studies, might I recommend my alma mater?"
I glanced between my suit and not-Sebastian's. They were almost identical.
"This is the seventh suit I tried. How come I always look like a waiter, a bellhop, or a butler, no matter what style I wear?"
"You do have an aura of service, sir. It's like you were born to say the words 'How may I help you?'"
"Why did I get stuck with the individualistic and sassy butler?"
"I'm not normally like this with every employer, but with you I feel like I can say whatever I want and you won't have the spine to discipline or terminate my contract prematurely, sir."
My butler turned out to be quite the sadist.
It was time for the royal visit already, which was to be held at the Dustiness manor.
While Darkness had doubts about my potential conduct, she didn't think that I'd have any problems beyond making an inappropriate remark here and there, or breach some obscure protocol, which could be easily remedied with some well-timed prostrating, and left me alone to deal with the more 'explosive' elements of our group.
After all, Megumin had just recently announced that she'd provide some 'fireworks' in honor of our visiting majesties.
I didn't need to be clairvoyant to know that something was going to go terribly wrong throughout the course of this evening, and prepared some Scrolls of Teleportation beforehand, just in case some execution orders were to be distributed among the offending parties.
"Kazuma, are you ready?"
It was Darkness's voice calling from outside the room I was changing in.
"Not quite!" I responded.
"Well, hurry up! No one cares about what a man wears to these events, so stop being fussy!"
The blatant sexism did not elude me.
Not-Sebastian placed a hand on my shoulder
"What will it be, sir? Would you like the waiter's uniform? A bellhop's? Or perhaps...you. want. mine?"
This old man just did the 'newly-wed' roleplay.
The image of not-Sebastian in a naked apron briefly flashed through my mind.
"...I think I'll go with a cardigan," I said.
"Ah, so you will dress like a barista. Excellent choice."
I met up with the girls in the dining hall. Aqua was wearing a white dress and her hagoromo. Darkness, who I had trouble recognizing at first, which always happened whenever she ditched that armor of hers and wore something feminine, chose a sensuous red dress that gave her an air of a femme fatale, even though her diffident attitude and fidgeting scattered that illusion immediately.
"Looking good, guys," I said.
"...I can't help but notice that you glanced at Aqua and then proceeded to stare at Darkness with a lewd gaze, but you didn't even spare a second to look my way."
Megumin said this as I passed by her.
"Well, isn't someone being rather possessive? What, did our little outing earlier make you think that…"
My words were cut short when I actually looked at Megumin.
"..."
She smirked smugly. "What? Are you speechless?"
"...I can't believe what I'm seeing. You're...You're so…"
My heart was beating hard. I felt my face heating up.
"Oh? You're that enamored already? Well, I can't say that I blame you…"
"...YOU'RE SO GODDAMN RETARDED!"
As my rage increased, my heart rate and blood flow escalated.
When Megumin had that rant earlier about 'nobles wanting to see what adventurers are really like', I didn't take her seriously. But here she was now, during such an important meeting, wearing the robe I gifted her, her usual hat, and she had two wands strapped in her belt. Also, she brought Chomusuke and it was sitting on her shoulder and the cat had a piece of half-eaten fish hanging out of its mouth.
"...Excuse me, is there a problem here?"
And right after I yelled something so crude, a melodic, yet baritone voice echoed from the entranceway leading into the dining hall.
I turned around and saw a tall man, a very intimidating man with a warrior's build, dressed in a red robe, and his head was adorned with a bejeweled crown. Like all nobles, he had blonde hair, which was straight and long and went up to his chin and he had a well-groomed beard.
This was the King of Belzerg, King Joethanael Johnstarr Blazing Shield Belzerg, I was sure. And beside him, a handsome guy, not unlike Mitsurugi Kyouya, but even handsomer, was surely Prince Jatis Herald Wind Belzerg. He wore a robe, but his was silver, and while his hairstyle was similar to his father's, he did not have any facial hair, purely a pretty-boy type.
Standing behind the two most respected warriors of this land, was a little girl that I assumed to be Princess Iris Stylish Sword Belzerg. She had straight blonde hair and she didn't wear a robe like the men in the family. She wore a simple, yet elegant, sky-blue evening dress. Modest, unlike Darkness's slutty garments. Walking beside the princess were two women, likely her body guards, as one of them, a tomboy-ish woman wearing a white suit, was equipped with a sword, while the other, a class-rep type wearing mage robes, carried a staff.
Even though I resolved to be in my best behavior, even though it was Megumin who screwed-up, I was still the one to look bad in front of royalty.
Darkness rushed to defend me, but King Joethanael, bless his royal soul, raised his hand, smiled, and shook his head.
"Now, now, I'm not angry. I know how adventurers are. Quite frankly, being around nobles and their uptight conduct can get really tiring. The openness in the interactions of adventurers is a great relief."
He turned to Princess Iris and gave her a head pat.
"And I see that one of you has opted out of the formal wear for her adventuring gear. My daughter, Iris, is quite fond of adventurers. She often invites many successful adventuring parties to the castle and asks them to share their tales. Of course, throughout the course of the evening, I'd like to hear your stories, too. Your battles against the Devil King's army...and against the Devil King himself, has been the subject of much debate amongst my generals and scholars. How did they do it? And so forth."
Megumin gave me a gloating look and mouthed the words 'I told you so'.
Seeing the relaxed atmosphere, Aqua stepped forward and somehow manifested a pair of fans from out of nowhere. "Fufu. Now that we got the formalities out of the way, let's get this party started! The first item of the program is a wonderful performance from yours truly, the beautiful goddess of the Axis cult that is I, Aq...UWA!"
Darkness seemed to have class changed from crusader to a thief, as she sneaked behind Aqua and chopped her on the back of the head.
"Owiee! Darkness, what the heck was that..."
Another chop.
"...I'll shut up now..."
Darkness reappeared in front of the king and raised her arms in welcome.
"Well, now that we have all gathered, let us take our seats. Our food will arrive shortly."
"That is good to hear. And, say, young Lalatina, might I ask where your father is?"
Darkness looked away. "Unfortunately, my father has been called on a..." She cringed. "...conference with Alderp-sama, the governor of Axel, about some issues with land disputes. I tried to tell him that your majesty's visit is far more important than some petty political affairs, but you know my father, he takes his job very seriously. In his place, please allow me to apologize for my father's absence!"
Darkness bowed deeply.
Darkness's overly formal conduct ruined the good mood that was cultivating.
"I-It's really not a big issue. Please raise your head."
The servants finally came in with the food and we took our seats. Darkness sat on the head of the table, reserved for the master of the Dustiness house, while the King sat opposite, on the other end of the table. The prince, princess, and their escorts sat on the left side while we sat parallel to them.
"On behalf of the Dustiness household, my comrades, and myself, Lalatina Dustiness Ford, I welcome the ruling family of Belzerg to the house of Dustiness, who shall forever remain your faithful shields. Now, please, enjoy the food we have prepared."
Part 5
The food was plentiful, but, while there was a bit of small talk here and there, because of Darkness's policing, the conversations were sparse in comparison.
Aqua was chatting it up with the king. Darkness was facilitating her. Megumin was oblivious to everything outside of the food, as she and Chomusuke gorged themselves, and I was left on my own to entertain the prince and princess.
Princess Iris turned out to be a shy girl, and as I wasn't socially skilled enough to approach someone who really didn't want to talk, I instead approached Prince Jatis.
"Kazuma-sama, I heard many things about you. Most of them are from rumors, but I have some direct sources, too. Well, let's just say that we have a mutual friend."
After the usual exchanges of 'Nice to meet yous' and other such inevitable pleasantries, Prince Jatis made such a direct statement.
"A mutual friend? I wonder who it could be?" I replied.
All of my friends lived here, in Axel, and none of them were important enough to be friends with a big shot like Prince Jatis.
"Um, could it be that you don't know who I'm talking about? I am referring to Mitsurugi Kyouya-san."
I remembered that Mitsurugi recently rose up in the military ranks using that sword of his. It wouldn't be strange that a natural smooth talker like Mitsurugi would befriend Prince Jatis as they fought together in the front lines.
"I wouldn't really regard Mitsurugi a friend, though," I confessed.
"That is strange! He always speaks about you. And when we are discussing combat tactics during battle, he always says 'what will Kazuma do in this situation'. It seems to me that he has quite a bit of respect for you!"
Well, of course the one who got his ass handed to him by a severely lower leveled guy without a cheat weapon would be humbled to the extent of respect. Or perhaps I had misjudged Mitsurugi prematurely? There was a chance that I was letting my jealousy over his good looks and his harem-like party dilute my opinions.
To put it succinctly, hot guys really got under my skin.
"Anyway, I hope you don't take this the wrong way, but I hope to have a spar with you. Just a friendly spar! I feel like I need to clarify because I'd hate for you to think that I'm trying to humiliate you in combat like some cliche antagonist from a novel. Um, do you get what I'm trying to say…?"
Prince Jatis blushed and looked at me with upturned eyes.
"..."
Even though there was a perfectly eligible Princess over there, who, I heard, was likely to be wedded to me when she came of age, I seemed to triggering all sorts of unwanted flags with this prince.
I tried to shift the conversation to the subject of Princess Iris.
"Um, I understand that your sister is shy...but, it sure would be nice to talk to her…"
When I said this, Prince Jatis's mood changed quickly. I noticed that the white-suit female bodyguard let her hand drift to the pommel of her sword.
"Oi. You're not trying to flirt with my cute little sister, are you?"
"..."
I really couldn't get a read on this guy's character.
Potentially gay love interest or overprotective sis-con, which one was he, really?
Though, I had that white-suited woman all figured out.
Surprisingly, it was Princess Iris who came to my defense. She beckoned to the honor-student-mage-girl, who drew closer, as Princess Iris whispered something.
"'Nii-sama, please stop embarrassing me in front of the Kazuma-sama, you stupid meanie jerk. And I know that you and Claire were doing something weird with my bathwater again. Stop it, you pedophilic perverts.' That is what Princess Iris said," the mage-girl said.
How precious. The little princess's shyness was so potent that she relied on a medium to communicate.
She definitely had that 'little sister I must protect' aura about her, a quality that had already attracted two weirdos, apparently.
"N-Now Iris, please don't say such incriminating things. Father is giving me a weird look right now. Thankfully he is too entranced by the magic tricks of that blue-haired arch-priest, or I'd surely be hauled off to the nearest dungeon. And to tell the truth, it was all Claire's idea to harvest your bath water..."
The white-suited woman, who turned out to be Claire, blushed profusely, and looked like she was about to dole out physical punishment against the Prince, but restrained herself on account of a huge gap in respective societal standing.
The mage-girl leaned in to the princess to listen again. "'Enough with all of this nonsense. Kazuma-sama, if you don't mind, I'd love to hear about your adventurers. So please stop associating with this lewd onni-san of mine and tell me some stories, if you would' That is what Princess Iris said."
I didn't mind showing off to a such a cute ojou-sama, but the delayed communication was getting a bit troublesome.
"Um...please don't be offended, but is there anyway I can talk to the princess directly?"
Princess Iris made to call the mage-girl over, but she stopped, forced herself to face me, and then said,
"...I-I'm sorry if I've insulted you, Kazuma-sama. I don't deal with strangers very well. I...I hope you understand."
She blushed and looked up at me with upturned eyes.
Was that specific action of using upturned eyes to incur one's protective instincts a recurring trait among the Belzergs?
Even that prince, as muscly and undeniably male as he was, used the technique to great effect.
"Well, what would you like to hear about first?"
Part 6
"Impressive...simply impressive! So that was how you defeated Mitsurugi-san! I can see now that even from an early point of your journey, you were destined to do great things!"
Prince Jatis exclaimed such exaggerated praises.
"From your defeat of the Dullahan, then the mobile fortress Destroyer...while your party is certainly powerful, with three of them possessing advanced classes, it is clear to me that it is your wisdom and leadership that unlocks the party's true combat potential."
The mage-girl, who introduced herself as Rain, said this as she looked at me with awe.
"We must apply your combat methods to the education of our new army recruits! If you don't mind, Kazuma-sama, is it fine to show us your adventurer's card? We might learn something from the way you constructed your build."
Claire said, as she clasped her hands excitedly and looked at me with stars in her eyes, forgetting about the animosity she displayed towards me earlier.
I leveled up drastically after defeating the Devil King, but I didn't feel like disappointing them with my varied, yet ostensibly unoptimized, repertoire of skills and spells.
"Maybe another time," I said. "An adventurer should never show his card to anyone he's just met."
I glanced at them to see their reactions while I dramatically paused to take a sip of wine. They fell for my phony act. They were all blushing...even that sexually ambiguous prince.
"'I realize that this may seem impudent of me, but I'd like to hear more of your stories, Kazuma-sama! I have never met a more intriguing adventurer like you!' This is what Princess Iris said," Claire said.
"Oh? It seems that my little Iris has already warmed up to her future fiancee. That's good news."
The King, who had seemed so enthralled with Aqua's antics just a bit ago, had seemingly been observing our interactions the entire time.
As expected of a King.
"Although we've been acquainted only for this short while, I feel like you are a man I can ultimately trust Kazuma-san. So for now, I will ignore all the rumors I've heard of your shortcomings, and I'm sure that your lecherous escapades have been largely fabricated, hmm?"
He looked at me with a sly, knowing smile.
"Um...yeah, about that," I said. "About the marriage, is all that really necessary?"
Silence pervaded the dining hall. Chomusuke sensed a brewing disaster and crawled underneath Megumin's cape.
"Hm? What are you saying, Kazuma-san?"
The king was giving me an unreadable look.
"Oi, what da hell you sayin' 'bout my cute lil sis, ya punk?! Oi, oi!"
This unstable prince went through yet another character change.
I heard Claire muttering 'kill, kill, kill' continuously as she slowly unsheathed her sword.
Megumin, whose face was still covered in gravy, stood from her seat, sending her silverware clattering on the ground. Some Dustiness maids rushed to collect and replace the silverware.
"I've been meaning to bring this up all evening but I was distracted by the food. My compliments to the chef. The venison was roasted perfectly. Anyways, as I was saying..."
She coughed and took a deep breath.
Uh-oh.
Abort. Abort. Abort, you fool.
I tried to communicate this with hand signals.
"You...you can't just force Kazuma to marry some random wench because of some archaic tradition! What, do you mean to tell me that this country is ruled by such close-minded barbarians?"
Random wench. Close-minded barbarians.
Such colorful and specific word-choice.
I would not be surprised if this sabotage was premeditated.
Beside the king, I saw Darkness praying with her Eris charm. Aqua was still smiling, thinking we were all playing some kind of game. You know what they say about ignorance.
"Excuse me, you majesty, can I speak with my comrades for a minute?" I asked.
The king, through gritted teeth, slowly nodded his head. "OK. But when you get back, we will have a very serious discussion about what just occurred."
I gathered Darkness, Megumin, and Aqua to one corner of the hall.
"OK. With all we've done for this country, I doubt the king will order our executions, we're too valuable to this counrty, but he might commit a crime of passion right here and now if we don't give him time to cool his crown-adorned head. Luckily for your sorry asses, I anticipated such a royal screw-up, terrible pun not intended, and prepared some teleportation scrolls beforehand, which I've already set to activate once the word 'wench' left Megumin's mouth. We will be departing in 3...2..."
"Hey, Kazuma, what's that Princess What's-her-name doing here?" Aqua asked.
"...1..."
In a flash of blue light, we were sucked through space and time from point A to point B, with point B being the location I previously designated.
In a matter of seconds, we were transported to Wiz's Magic Item store (%30 off on all scrolls now!).
"Oh, Kazuma-san! I didn't think you'd use the item so quickly! So, how was it? I told you that it'd work fabulously, even if it is a bit pricey...wait, who is this beautiful young girl? She has blonde hair, so is that Darkness-san's sister, by any chance?"
Wiz peered closer to the princess I just abducted. Then she started to pale, paler than normal for a Lich, that is. "Wait, that face, isn't this the...Kazuma-san, I don't wish to be involved in this. Please don't make a poor store owner like me an accomplice to such a terrible crime..."
I turned to Darkness.
"Say, Darkness-san? What do you think the jail time is for abduction of a member of the royal family?"
She laughed shakily.
"Oh, poor, naive, Kazuma-san. There is no jail time for those who will be immediately executed before they even step foot in a jail cell."
"So that's why Vanir-san chose to skip town for awhile. He must have seen this coming. Well, I suppose it was a good life, even if I spent a lot of it well...not alive."
"Kazuma, please allow me to justify my admittedly short-sighted actions. I said all of those things with your best interest in mind. After all, there is no greater joy in life than the consummation of two people who sincerely love one another..."
"Kazuma, Kazuma, what game is this? Why did we teleport? Are we playing magical hide-and-seek? Is the King 'it'? Oh, boy! I bet he's already tearing up the entire town looking for us! I call on dibs on the bathtub. Most hide-and-seekers universally agree that the bathtub is the optimal hiding spot."
For the first time since we inadvertently kidnapped her, Princess Iris spoke up.
"Well, for the meantime, would you care to tell me some more stories, Kazuma-sama? Personally, I'd like you to elaborate on the battle with that infamous Destroyer..."
There was no amount of overpriced Teleportation Scrolls that could get me out of this one.
End of Chapter 2
Next Chapter: The Obligatory Tournament-Arc Commences in the Capital!