Chapter 5: A Startling Revelation for this Sis-con Prince!
Part 1
To be fair to Darkness, prior to the scandals and the consecutive incidents of accidental 'leakage', in recent days, she had demonstrated the finer points of her character.
Indeed, her responsible and dutiful side as Dustiness Ford Lalatina had created a permanent impression within my memory.
In fact, she had lasted at least three days before she propositioned me for some 'punishment'.
So, all I can say in light of this recent return to her lewd form is…
...Darkness, Lalatina, at least she tried.
"Uuu~uwaaah~uuuuuwaaaaah~"
No, this wasn't Aqua crying.
"Darkness, while your reputation is already quite irredeemably doomed, you should at least face your impending social implosion with some dignity."
Megumin made round massaging motions on Darkness's back.
"I'm really, really, really sorry, Darkness. In hindsight, that was pretty stupid of me."
For once, Aqua made a self-aware observation.
While they dealt with Darkness, I dealt with the witnesses, the gawking nobles.
"Listen, you lot, I know that you all have your secrets and skeletons in the closet...I'm looking at you, Sir Longborn. Thus, for the sake of mutual non-disclosure, lets keep this whole unfortunate incident between ourselves, sound good?"
I regarded the previously panicking nobles with a tone of voice I hoped could be recepted as authoritative but not unkind.
"I-If it's that Satou-sama who is known to use all sorts of despicable means possible to accomplish his goals, it would be foolish to consider this threat a bluff."
"With all his resourcefulness and connections, we shouldn't risk it."
"We might as well get on his good side, and it would be prudent to gain Lady Dustiness's favor as well."
Despite any situation, nobility had the distinctive trait of finding a way to get ahead in the societal arms race.
For now, the public scrutiny looming over Darkness and I would not be exacerbated. Scandals had a short shelf life, especially so in the densely populated capital. The whole matter, if kept stabilized, would soon be forgotten.
These were my hopes.
"Well, there you have it, Darkness. Any further damage to your already tattered reputation has at least been avoided, all thanks to my brilliant maneuvering…"
I could not continue my spiel of self-praise as Darkness made a lunging, tackling embrace at me.
"You're always looking out for us, aren't you, Kazuma?"
She released me and smiled.
"Fufu. Even though he acts like he doesn't care, Kazuma truly cherishes his comrades."
Megumin gently punched me on the shoulder.
"I hate to admit this, but Kazuma is exceptional at cleaning up our messes. Well, a goddess such as I could hardly be bothered to worry about the small details. Therefore, I value Kazuma's role in taking care of the miscellaneous tasks."
As usual, Aqua just had to ruin the moment.
In truth, I was mostly covering my own ass rather than whatever illusion they had about my efforts in saving Darkness. After all, my reputation had somehow linked with hers during this entire debacle.
But I had enough tact to keep such details to myself.
"Yes, this Satou Kazuma-sama is one who cherishes his comrades very much."
Megumin, ever the perceptive one, looked at me suspiciously.
"...Uwa, somehow I felt his insincerity just from that one line."
I took some roasted peanuts from Aqua's neglected bag and shoved them down Megumin's mouth.
"Now, now, growing children need to eat. Peanuts are high in protein, so eat up."
I hastily made my retreat.
Back in my seat, as I ignored the glares from Megumin, Darkness returned with a new pair of jogging pants.
"One of the nobles had his servant buy this for me from the arena gift store."
They were already sucking up to us.
"They even bought us some snacks."
She handed me a greasy paper bag of pretzels. I noticed that she also had a couple glasses of iced Neroid.
"...You never learn, do you?"
"W-With my body as powerful and as durable as it is, it needs constant nourishment and liquid intake in order to maintain optimal performance. In fact, the most physically gifted Crusaders have been known to have similar bladder issues…"
I was beginning to hold great contempt for anyone with the Crusader class.
Down at the grounds, the intermission entertainment began. Performing were a famous band of former thieves called the Black Panthers who decided to turn away from a life of crime, and inexplicably took up the unusual profession of circus performance.
"Did you know? Princess Iris has been a fan of the Black Panthers since she was a child. She personally requested the King to hire the Black Panthers for the halftime show."
Darkness, having a rare moment to show off her knowledge, shared this info with me.
I suddenly began to feel jealous towards these so-called Black Panthers, who were so beloved by my beloved sister.
"Steal!"
One of them stole a Neroid from its cage.
Big deal. My Steal never failed to pilfer the panties of cute girls.
"Lurk!"
A thief, locked in a cage with a ravenous looking Grey Wolf, hid in the shadows while he sneakily snatched a key tied in a string around the bear's neck, and used the key to escape the cage before the wolf pounced on him.
Big deal. My Lurk allowed me to elude a mob of undead.
"Dancing Daggers!"
For the final act, a thief threw several Daggers toward a noble lady who volunteered for the act, but just as they were about to hit her, the Daggers returned one by one, as if pulled by invisible strings, by the order they were thrown, to the thief.
B-Big deal.
After the show, the tournament resumed.
As this was the semi-finals, the numerous Manatite powered spotlights around the arena were all activated and directed to the grounds.
Vanir, with a vain swagger in his walk, returned to the center of the ring.
"Welcome all! Has everyone enjoyed a pleasant intermission? By the way, the gift shop merchandise has been hand sewed by slave children from a certain foreign tropical country, and the meat of the hot dogs from concession has been harvested from the deceased flesh of euthanized dogs from the local kennel."
Yet another moody ambience settled on the audience.
"But forget about all that for now! Are thy ready for this display of needless and gratuitous violence?!"
The sour mood was alleviated and the crowd broke out in cheers.
"Up next is the battle between the Pervert Prince and the unknown fodder who had fumbled his way through the matches so far!"
Prince Jatis was as composed as always, while his opponent, a young blond guy clad in chainmail and carrying a two handed sword, visibly shook with nervousness.
"Contestants! Fight!"
"Uwooooh!"
With a fierce cry, the nervous swordsman sprinted towards the prince with the tip of his blade trailing the ground, picking up dust.
He then made an exaggerated upwards slash some distance from the prince. The wide fanning motion directed a wall of disturbed dust that rose and then descended in a rapidly diminishing column, in the air.
He had taken notes from Alice's fights thus far.
But…
"Runic Strike!"
A crescent wave of devastating blue energy emerged from the suffusing dust. The wave created a clean cut on the ground, several feet deep, that ran across the origin point of the strike, and ended at the protective barriers surrounding the arena.
The attack just missed the noble.
"The next one will tear you apart."
"...I surrender."
All of the Prince's fights ended in this fashion, with the only variation being which clichéd one-liner he'd say after deploying a flashy attack.
"And yet another early climax! Do those words seem familiar to some of the less virile men in the audience, hm? Will the next fighters please come up to the ring! And please don't forget to stop by at the Wiz Magic Store main branch in Axel!"
Main Branch? That store was their only branch.
The next fighters made their way to the ring.
Alice and Sir Nightingale faced each other and shook hands. When their hands made contact, Sir Nightingale visibly stiffened.
I activated Farsight and my Lip Reading skill.
"T-This hand, so soft, it could only belong to a little girl!"
I knew it. This man was suspicious.
Alice, obviously unsettled, snatched her hand back.
"Sniff, sniff, sniff. And not just any little girl...you are…!"
A deranged smile took form on his lips.
They separated and walked to the opposing ends of the ring. Two Manatite powered spotlights followed and illuminated them.
"Now, fight!"
Alice knelt to the ground and started of with Snipe.
Sir Nightingale raised his shield to intercept it.
Alice fired another arrow, which was blocked once more. Sir Nightingale stayed stationary.
"Has Sir Nightingale fought this cautiously in his previous matches?" Darkness asked.
He had always been a low-risk/moderate-rewards type but now he wasn't taking any risks at all.
The fights did not have a time-limit. It seemed that this crafty old man intended to have a drawn out waiting game.
Of course, the crowd would have none of this.
"Come on! Do something!"
"Fight! Fight!"
If it was me fighting, I would have ignored the crowd's jeering and turned the fight into a slow-paced war of attrition.
But Alice, tactically talented as she was, was easily pressured by the crowd, and proceeded to directly attack the old man.
She used Fog Cloud but the Old Man, displaying deceptive speed, quickly vacated the area of effect.
He made an agile lunging maneuver at Alice, who just managed to block the stab attack with her shield buckler.
Alice quickly drew and swung her sword to counter, but the Old Man anticipated this and raised his shield and used it to shove at Alice and imbalance her. Seeing an opening, he slashed at Alice.
She managed to twist out of the way, but the blade caught the fabric of her cloak.
"!"
A mass of separate incredulous reactions rose from the crowd.
"K-Kazuma! That is…!"
I've been relying too much on onni-sama, anyways. It's not fair to ask him to win my battles for me.
So that was what she meant.
She had felt powerless as Princess Iris, so she decided to fight as the adventurer, Alice.
Part 2
"Stop the fight! Don't let Princess Iris get hurt!"
Despite the pleas of the audience, Vanir and the King made no attempt to hinder the fighters.
Meanwhile, that dirty old man was shamelessly unleashing a series of slashing attacks on Iris, and the whole time he was salivating with a lewd expression on his face.
"Really! First Prince Jatis, then Satou-sama, and now Sir Nightingale! Why is this tournament filled with such problematic men!"
Even if I was one of the problematic men listed, I couldn't help but agree.
"Fufu! What a wonderful and poetic turn of events! After I defeat you, I will deal with that brother of yours and then I will finally have you all for myself!"
Iris deflected a vertical slash with her buckler.
"E-Even if you defeat me, Jatis nii-sama will…!"
Iris trailed off. Even if Prince Jatis won, it would not be a happy ending for her. Both possibilities were undesirable.
"Don't underestimate an old man! I've fought in the front lines for thirty five years, longer than both you and your brother have been alive in this world! I will find a way to defeat your brother, even if I have to sacrifice an arm to do so!"
Just how much did this dirty old man love little girls?
"Ku! This is all my fault! If it wasn't for my selfish request, Kazuma would still be in the tournament, and Princess Iris won't have to fight by herself!"
Darkness said, with a look of deep regret.
"Yeah. It's totally your fault, you unrelenting masochist."
"E-Even if it's true, please be a bit gentler with a maiden like me!"
And where was this maiden?
I noticed a commotion at the entrance-way. Prince Jatis was being held back by several guards.
"Let me go! I'll kill that lolicon bastard myself!"
The hypocrisy was not lost on me.
Eventually, with the King's help, Prince Jatis was restrained.
I turned my attention back to the fight.
Iris was switching between all of her varied fighting styles as she looked for a way to safely penetrate the old man's defences. With the crowd no longer provoking her to attack, instead incessantly telling her 'be careful, be careful', she could take as much time as she needed.
"Fog Cloud!"
This time, Iris casted Fog Cloud on herself.
Not expecting this unprecedented action, the old man who had been about to make another quick lunging move at Iris, halted in his advance.
An arrow emerged from the cloud. Again, it bounced off the metal shield.
"Volley! Sneak attack!"
Notching her last four arrows, Iris dashed out of the cloud, and positioned herself by the old man's blind side, and let the arrows fly.
"Arrgghh!"
They pierced through his armor.
The archer skill Volley, which allowed one to fire multiple arrows with one shot, and the thief skill Sneak Attack, which dealt critical damage and ignores armor resistance if the user attacks from the flank or to the target's back, was a deadly combo that was only possible to the Adventurer class.
I had abused this technique many times against the unfortunate castle guards who were coerced to be my training partners, and it had become my most reliable, single-target, go-to finishing move aside from the Create Water and Shocking grasp combo, which was more of an area-of-effect type finisher.
But the old man remained standing.
"Not yet! I won't give up! You'll have to kill me!"
Again, how much did this guy love little girls?!
Having exhausted most of her mana, however plentiful her reserves were, Iris probably did not have enough for a heavy hitter like Wind Blade, or any other Intermediate and above spells.
As the effects of Fog Cloud still remained, she slipped back into the cover.
The old man did not pursue her and took this chance to recover.
Iris had been deliberately trying to exhaust this old man, but she did so at the expense of her own mana reserves.
I had much to teach my cute disciple.
"Come out, Princess Iris! We both can't last much longer! Let's finish this in one move!"
The old man said such a clichéd line and raised his shield in front of him, his sword arm tensed but poised to fluidly attack from any angle.
Iris emerged from the fog, sprinting directly towards the old man.
Such a reckless move shocked not only the audience but her opponent.
Then she reached back with her free hand and pulled out a dagger. She muttered something, and only I caught it with my Lip Reading skill.
"Dancing Daggers…"
She then threw the dagger, which the old man easily blocked with his shield, sending its trajectory behind him.
I suddenly stood from my seat.
A performing thief from the intermission show used this same skill…
...The thief had thrown the daggers and then…
"!"
I could see what she was trying to do!
She could win this!
"Go, and finish this, Iris!"
As if sensing my support, Iris sped up, only to change directions to weave through a shield bash attack. She made it within the old man's guard!
"I got you now!"
Without room to build momentum, the old man couldn't put much power behind his upwards sword swing. Iris easily pinned down the attack with her sword.
And then, like a boomerang, spinning and glinting as it reflected light, the thrown dagger returned from its intended trajectory, and slipped past the old man's shoulder. Iris, with her free hand, snatched the dagger by its hilt.
She twirled it to a reverse grip and held the blade to the old man's neck.
"P-Please surrender."
Such a badass scene was ruined by Iris's natural meekness.
But, she looked up at him with upturned eyes.
"...I surrender."
The 'upturned eyes' attack had claimed yet another victim.
The crowd erupted in cheers.
"Amazing! Princess Iris is amazing!"
"Though some of the methods she used were quite despicable, all that matters is that she won!
"Uwooooh! That was the Dancing Daggers skill! To think that a beginner thief skill that is regarded as more of a parlor trick than a legitimate skill could be used to such an effect!"
So parlor tricks could be used as such, huh?
I looked to Aqua.
No, there's no way, I thought.
I had already stood but now the rest of the audience rose from their seats and cheered for Iris.
Beside me, Darkness's eyes were misting up.
"To think that the meek and unwillful Princess Iris would...I'm so proud! Is this what it feels like to have a child? Did my parents ever feel this proud of me?"
Show me the kind of ignorant parent who'd feel pride for such a depraved daughter.
I kept these thoughts to myself.
"Wow! What a match! Are thy not entertained?! By the way, moi has just received confirmation from the Wiz Store main branch that we…I mean, they have just ordered a limited shipment of magical daggers enchanted with the Dancing Daggers spell! If thy wishes to fight like Princess Iris, head over the the Wiz Magic Item Store now!"
This Devil needed to give it a rest already.
Part 3
There was a another break right before the finals.
The green haired girl with a crossbow, Claire's replacement body guard, came to us in the VIP booth.
"Satou-sama, Princess Iris wishes to see you."
"I will go."
After all, I was always available for my cute little sister.
"Hm, it seems like her business is exclusively with you. I will wait here."
Darkness said, as she voraciously drank her second cup of iced Neroid.
Some people just never learn.
I followed the green haired girl, who introduced herself as Lucie, to Princess Iris's waiting area.
When we arrived, Claire was already all over Iris.
"Why would you do such a dangerous thing, Princess Iris!"
Claire was worried about Iris joining the tournament.
"You could have killed someone out there!"
Or not?
"Relax, Claire. As I you can see, I did not rely on the powerful abilities I've been blessed with since birth. I also chose the weakest Adventurer class as my profession."
I felt somewhat betrayed. I assumed she chose the Adventurer class in tribute of me.
Iris noticed my presence. "Onii-sama! Well, what do you think? I fought splendidly didn't I? Did you see the manner in which I decimated my opponents?"
The word 'decimated' had no business coming out of a cute little girl's mouth.
"You did really well! You surprised me!"
She pouted petulantly. "Onii-sama, you need to have some more faith in me."
I was told that the noble line was kept strong by having the top heroes marry into the family, but how was I supposed to predict that a little girl five years my junior could prove so capable in battle?
Claire coughed politely. "Well, I'd hate to leave you alone with this filthy man here, but it seems that you two have some matters to discuss."
Claire's animosity regarding me had always been gradually rising, but it was now at its peak in the wake of the scandal.
Claire and Lucie made their way out the door, but as they were about to vacate, their passage was blocked by the Prince.
"Oh, excuse me, Claire-san."
He said, politely, as he accidentally collided with Claire.
"Tsk! Pardon me, Prince, but you're in the way, you perverted Prince."
She said such words, but Claire was actually in the same moral ground as the prince. They were both Iris lovers, after all.
The Prince noticed my presence. "Oh, you're here. Just as well. In fact, Claire, Lucie, please stay. I wish for you to witness this."
This was the first time I've ever seen the Prince so serious.
He looked to Iris, who hid behind me. The Prince flinched at Iris's immediate evasion.
"Um...Iris, we haven't talked in awhile, haven't we, ever since I announced my intentions to marry you, my blood related sister. I wonder why that is? Haha."
He answered the question before he'd even asked it.
"What do you want, idiot Jatis nii-sama?"
No, Iris. Calling this idiot an idiot would only excite him, I thought.
I was used to the tendencies of degenerates, after all.
"I know that I am sort of strange. Somehow, I've been created by the gods to have certain predilections. That is to say, unlike most of the populous, I don't find the idea of romance between siblings all that abhorrent, you might even say that I find such a relationship to be epitome of eroticism! The feeling of wrongness...forbidden love...yes! Such a wonderful and delightful thing is the love between a brother and sister!"
"Geez! Jatis nii-sama, just get on with it!"
This guy was really too much.
And he shouldn't blame the gods for his own deficits.
"Ahem, well, this might be sudden, and I'll apologize to the King...our father, for the inconvenience, but I think that I'll have to maybe drop out of the tournament."
"N-No way. Is that true, Jatis nii-sama?"
Iris was incredulous, and so were the rest of us.
"What's with the sudden change of face, Prince Jatis?" I asked.
"Well, if I'm being realistic here, there's no way that I'll be allowed to marry my own sister, right? However righteous our father may be, I'm sure that he'll...eliminate any such threats to the integrity of the royal family, as the king should." He looked at Lucie. "In fact, hasn't his top assassin been hanging around a lot lately?"
Lucie's face remained impassive after that blunt implication.
So Darkness was right. The King was planning something behind the scenes. But to think that he'd consider assassinating his own son.
Or perhaps, assassination was a mere countermeasure. Prince Jatis eventually came to his senses, after all.
"And, well, despite how distorted I am, I do acknowledge that I am your brother foremost. As much as it pains me to stifle my desires, it must hurt you just as much to have a weird older brother like me, right, Iris?"
"Jatis nii-sama…"
Iris couldn't help but tear up.
"Geez. Shouldn't you be calling me onii-chan at such a moment?"
"Don't push your luck, Jatis nii-sama."
So this guy still had some rationality. But if that was the case, why had he been so stubborn up until now?
But when I think about it further, a Prince letting go of his inhibitions after returning from the frontlines, where he had fought since a young age, whether it was instigated by post-traumatic shock, or a mere expression of individuality, such a burst of irrationality was somewhat warranted.
In fact, I couldn't help but draw comparisons between the Prince and Iris.
Being born into royalty was not so simple as one would think.
"I had somewhat of a revelation, too. If Iris is willing to go so far as to want to challenge me, then she must value her personal freedom to such an extent. You've grown into a strong young woman, Iris…"
"Thank you very much, Jatis nii-sama."
Prince Jatis spread his arms wide in anticipation of a hug but it never came.
"This development is too convenient, though," Claire said. "You will drop out of the tournament with no ulterior conditions and stipulations? I find that hard to believe."
"I suppose you're right. As long as I still have some leverage, I should continue to indulge myself. That's what you're suggesting, no?"
"Erk!"
Claire just had to complicate matters.
"Relax. I've already given up with matters regarding Iris. I do feel somewhat uneasy, though. As if there's some unfinished business…"
His eyes met mine. I hurriedly avoided them.
"Yes, unfinished business indeed…"
Part 4
"And so, with the condition of having the one they call Scumzuma take Princess Jailbait's place in the finals, the Ero-Prince has agreed to the drop out of the competition! What a plot-twist! Totally not a cop-out at all!"
Effusive cheers followed Vanir's announcement.
I was in a tunnel leading into the ring. Megumin and Darkness were helping me put on my gear.
"Fufu. When you dropped out of the tournament, I thought that all the money I spent betting against you was for naught. Even though I am not necessarily a follower of the Eris faith, I must thank her for bestowing this blessing upon me."
Megumin said this as she placed the Elven bracers around my arms. Darkness was attending to the greaves on my legs.
"D-Don't be mean to him, Megumin. Kazuma is doing an honorable thing, here. Aqua, make sure to get your resurrection spells ready."
"I should start charging money for my resurrection spells. It may not seem like it, but defying the fundamental order of the universe if a difficult task, you know!"
Aqua complained as she watched us disinterestedly while munching on popcorn. This girl was casually snacking as she watched my predicament with unbridled amusement.
"Onii-sama, I don't understand your apprehension. We've prepared for this fight and you seemed to be emotionally and mentally composed just a few days prior. What led to this sudden change?"
How could I explain to this unworldly princess the shock of having been liberated from an obligation, only to be thrown back into it once more?
I could provide only one example. Back in my Junior High School days, during those dreaded group projects, the normies would say things to me like, "It's OK, Satou-san, since we are all friends here except for you, we can work efficiently by ourselves. You don't have to participate, OK?" And thinking I had all this free time while the normies did the work for me, only for them to come to me during the day before the deadline and unashamedly say, "Sorry. Actually, we ended up fooling around every time we met up to do the project. We're really sorry. Please help us."
"It's that kind of feeling," I told Iris, after giving her an insight to my miserable Junior High days.
"Um, I really don't understand most of the terminology onii-sama referenced, like Junior Highs or classmates or normies, but I think I understand the concept?"
She said this while confusedly tilting her head.
"Well, it doesn't matter. All I have to do is fight, right? The Prince didn't specify that I had to win, necessarily. All I have to do is survive and then I'll reach a happy ending with Iris and everyone once all of this is over. Yeah, that sounds good. I'm pumped up now!"
"Oi, what is this happy ending he's talking about?" Megumin said to Aqua. "Does he have some weird expectation of us?"
"Perhaps Kazuma wants me to perform one of my magic tricks to comfort him after his inevitable defeat? Hm, just because it's that meanie Kazuma, I won't perform my top grade techniques, OK? He'll have to settle with the usual Nature's Beauty fare."
If I saw that useless Nature's Beauty that costs more SP to learn than most of my skills, I decided to take Aqua's precious performance fans and use them as target practice for Megumin's Explosion routine.
"OK, Kazuma, you're all set to go," Darkness said.
Wearing my recently purchased elven light armor set and my Boots of Speed, I put on my old green cloak as I had yet to decide on what enchantment to integrate to my new robes.
I wore the necklace with the shiny green stone around my neck that Megumin bought for me at the same time I bought the boots and the robe. I considered it a good luck charm, as it was technically the first gift anyone from this inconsiderate party of mine had given me.
Therefore, this item that I received despite such impossible odds might allow me to in turn, do the impossible.
I also had my partner with the weird name and my quiver and shortbow equipped. I considered learning the Dancing Daggers skill from Iris, but Megumin intervened.
"No way! Dancing Daggers is Iris's signature skill, you can't just copy it! We of the Crimson Demon clan value the worth of 'Signature Skills' and 'Finishing Moves' above all else! How would you feel if Iris started using Steal, huh?!"
Steal was the most basic of the Thief class skills, so why would I care if someone else used it?
And besides, Iris used my Volley and Sneak Attack combination in her fight, too.
I decided to let the matter drop. I doubted that I could use the same dagger trick and expect to fool Prince Jatis, anyways.
I had to resort to my initial plan of attack.
I looked around at the arena. The crowd was a miscellaneous blur behind the coruscating radiance of the Manatite powered lights.
The pressure of expectation from this crowd was weighing heavily upon me.
I took a deep breath.
"Ah! Whatever, let's just get this over with!"
When I stepped into the ring, I was unexpectedly greeted with cheers.
"Good luck, Satou-sama! Beat that Perverted Prince!"
"Even though I hated Satou-sama so much earlier, somehow I can't help but cheer for him!"
"Ahhh! I never stopped being your fan, Satou-sama!"
Public opinion shifted so easily once a common enemy was established.
And this common enemy appeared from the opposing tunnel with that disingenuous, martyred aura about him.
Once more, he was assaulted with jeering and boos.
We met at the center stage. Vanir came in between us.
"Do you two have any words for this audience?!"
He turned to me first.
"Um…I am..."
I flinched at hearing my magically amplified voice. Was that really what I sounded like?! I sounded like...well, a hiki-neet!
"...I am grateful for the opportunity to protect Princess Iris's honor…"
Uwa. I said something so cringeworthy.
But the audience ate it up.
Vanir turned to the Prince.
He smiled. "I've always wanted to spar with Satou-san. And what better way than to do it with thirty thousand people watching? It would not be an exaggeration to say that this clash will be recorded in the history books and…"
"OK! Enough of that! Make sure to visit Wiz Magic Item Store in Axel town, everyone! Now let's get on with the fight already!"
This Devil just came here to do some self-promotion, didn't he?
But when Vanir passed by, he discreetly whispered to my ear.
"There is something that we must discuss. Moi will come find thee later."
He said such ominous words before my fight.
As usual, Vanir had an advanced sense for the dramatics.
"And now, without further ado, let's get this fight started!"
Vanir laughed diabolically and leaped away.
The expectation was that I would make an evasive maneuver. However, the surest way to victory is to defy expectation.
With a rapid step, augmented by the Boots of Speed, I penetrated the Prince's guard.
"Drain Touch!"
I started off with my most effective disabling technique.
However, the Prince's reflexes, honed through his long tenure in the front lines, reacted to my lunging arm, and he deflected it with a swat of a hand. His free hand reached for a sword.
Using a maneuver I practiced, I back stepped from the Prince's sword range and planted both of my feet, drifting a little. If I hadn't practiced that move, at the high speeds I was moving, I would have broken both of my ankles.
I drew my bow and an arrow.
"Snipe!"
I aimed the arrow at his sword hand to disarm him.
Thinking that the shot would hit, as it always did, I dashed once more for another Drain Touch.
But the arrow was redirected by an invisible force. The runes on his armor pulsed blue for a moment.
"Did you think that I wouldn't prepare for you? I casted Protection from Arrows on myself before the fight."
Rune Knights are OP.
I couldn't stop my momentum, so I ran faster.
"What are you…!"
I charged at the prince, using my momentum to tackle him, my elven shoulder guard making contact with his chest plate.
"Ugh!"
That wasn't the Prince grunting in pain. My shoulder, as it had only been lightly armored, throbbed painfully.
But the charge worked. The Prince was propelled to the ground.
I couldn't use Counterspell on Protection from Arrows as it had already been cast. I needed a spell like Dispel Magic or Aqua's multipurpose Spell Break to neutralize magic that had already taken effect.
I returned my bow back in the quiver.
If arrows didn't work, then…
"Create Water! Shocking Grasp!"
I had another reliable finishing move.
I sent a torrent of water and followed it with a stream of electricity.
"Did you think Beginner level spells would have an effect on me?"
Of course. Like Darkness, he had high magic resistance.
Rune. Knights. Are. OP.
As close as I was, as vulnerable as I was, the Prince seized the advantage.
He raised a sword.
"Runic…!"
"Counterspell!"
It took a lot of mana, but the blue wisps of energy gathering around the tip of his blade dissipated into fading heat shimmers.
"W-What?! Impossible! Why you…!"
Why was he spouting such cliche antagonist dialogue?
I only had enough mana left for one more spell or skill. Counterspell was a powerful move, but it was extremely mana intensive for an uninitiated magic user like me.
But…
The Prince, knowing I had no way to counter consecutively, charged up mana once more.
...This is all according to plan!
"Steal!"
I did not aim for the Prince.
I aimed for the Manatite powered spotlights illuminating our battle.
Just as the Prince was about to unleash his attack, I absorbed the mana from the pilfered crystal.
"Runic Strike…!"
"Counterspell!"
Again, the mana fizzled out into non-existence.
"Amazing! Such inventiveness!"
"So this is the man who beat the Devil King!"
"Kyaaaa! Satou-sama, I wuuuuv you!"
The crowd was cheering louder than they had ever had. It hurt to listen, so I didn't.
Instead, I narrowed in on the opponent before me.
I didn't even need, or want, to win.
For the first time in this world, I actually wanted to fight for the sake of fighting.
I was like one of those hot headed protagonists in battle anime.
Anyway, I was in great condition!
With the Prince's long range capabilities neutralized by my Counterspell, and as I kept stealing more Manatite crystals and absorbing an amount of mana that far exceeded what my body normally produced, I was soon, once more, within striking distance from the Prince.
I couldn't directly damage him with magic, and my swordsmanship, while I did train arduously this past week, was still vastly inferior to the Prince's. I did not have a myriad of options, like I usually did.
Seriously. What good was an all-rounder if he didn't have access to all his skills?
Or maybe, I thought, I needed to look at this a different way.
If I could avoid retaliation, I could do enough damage on him with my partner with the weird name, thanks to the Sneak Attack skill.
No matter how superior his swordsmanship was, if I could hit him before he could hit me, it was my victory.
Applying this same philosophy, rather than deal direct damage with magic, I could use it instead to distract him, and then use Sneak Attack.
Of course, such tactics had always been my M.O., but my recent acquisition of reliable, as Megumin put it, 'Finishing Moves', made me stray away from my roots.
Well, this is the return of Scum-zuma!
As I drew closer, the Prince did not even try a magic based attack. He slashed at me with both of his swords this time.
"Create Earth! Wind Breath!"
I created fine dust in my hands and violently exhaled at it with a blast of wind.
The effect, as demonstrated on Darkness previously, was like getting hit with pepper spray.
"Arrgghh! It burns!"
I dashed behind the Prince, and positioned myself for a back attack.
"Sneak Attack!"
With the enemy distracted, with perfect back attack position, with my Luck modifier, One-Handed Sword proficiency modifier, the astronomical critical rate ratio of Sneak Attack, and finally, using the absurd excess of mana I absorbed from those Manatite crystals...
This attack would be enough to kill anyone, even the ex-Devil King (R.I.P.).
But I didn't want to kill the Prince.
"Ting!"
This sharp, yet melodious sound echoed throughout the arena.
I merely tapped at the Prince's armor with the tip of my blade.
I intended to threaten him, shake him up into surrendering.
But I underestimated the damage output of what must have been a 1000x Critical Hit, or something.
That expensive looking, rare-drop looking armor broke like an overbaked cake, that is, into many separate pieces.
In display was the sheer implausibility of abused Critical Hit mechanics integrated in a real life scenario.
He was left in a skintight body suit as he screamed and clawed at his eyes, yelling, "It burns, it burns!"
He hadn't even noticed his armor crumble into debris.
"Winner! Satou Kazuma!"
Vanir came to raise my arm.
I stood there, engulfed by passionate cheers, while the Prince's armor laid around me in broken pieces.
My partner was gleaming under the remaining Manatite powered spotlights.
Finally. This Chunchunmaru did something useful.
"Congratulations, Satou-sama!"
"Hooray for Satou-sama!"
"S-Satou-sama! I want your babies!"
Somehow, I emerged victorious against yet another seemingly insurmountable opponent.
Megumin was about to lose a lot of money.
Part 5
As agreed upon, the Prince withdrew from the tournament.
There was still some animosity with the public towards the Prince, but as the situation cleanly concluded in the way it had, the silent consensus was that the Prince would ultimately be forgiven.
He was the brave warrior who served in the front lines before he was a sis-con pervert, after all.
The same could not be said for Sir Nightingale, though.
Prince Jatis was a handsome young man. Sir Nightingale was just an old creepy pervert.
Sucks for him, but that was just how society functioned.
There was a feast to be held in honor of Iris and I, for our success in the tournament. Though, I found it rather odd that the King would hold a celebration for the defeat of his own son.
Prince Jatis was not forbidden to attend, by any means, but he was tactful enough to ditch the festivities.
I felt a bit bad for the guy. There was a kind and decent man underneath his terrible predilections.
Of course, I could not say for certain if his good qualities indisputably outweighed the bad.
For the feast, I chose to wear the same cardigan based outfit I wore during the first meeting with the royal family.
The girls pretty much wore the same outfits, too, with Megumin wearing her adventuring gear and Aqua with a blue dress. Darkness went for a pure white dress this time, probably to project an image of purity.
Nobody fell for the deception. The young nobles who you'd expect would be swarming Darkness in order to gain her favor, had all intentionally avoided her.
I regained my good reputation from defeating the big bad pervert Prince Jatis, but Darkness had no such opportunity for convenient redemption.
All of the young noble boys turned their attention to Megumin.
After Megumin dealt the finishing blow to the Devil King, she was unanimously designated by the mage community as the most powerful mortal mage in Belzerg, if not the world.
Such a venerable status surpassed that of the comparably commonplace status of a noble.
And so these hopefuls were putting the moves on her.
Aqua was another candidate, but she was currently on a drinking spree and she waved around an empty bottle at all those who dared approach her.
With Megumin secretly enjoying the affections of multiple men, with Aqua being Aqua, as usual, and with Darkness sulking by herself in a corner, I was left to amuse myself.
There were nobles who were vying for my attention as well, but I had long since used Lurk on myself and hid in a corner.
I was leisurely sipping on wine and enjoying the green pea snacks that go well with it, when Iris approached me.
"It took me awhile to find you, onii-sama. Have you been using Lurk on yourself this entire time?"
At this point, there was no need for pretenses around Iris. I gave her a somewhat deprecatory smile.
"The attention is good and all, but I'm not one to enjoy such things."
"Onii-sama has very few things he enjoys."
"T-That's true, but please don't make it seem like I'm a close-minded person who rejects new experiences."
"...I made no such assessment of you, onii-sama."
Iris sat beside me and I extended Lurk's effect onto her. We munched on green peas. Iris asked to have a sip of wine but I was adamant in my refusal.
We talked about nonsense and went on tangents that did not link into anything we said at all.
During the more coherent parts of the conversation, she talked about her admiration for thieves, which started when she first saw an exhibition by the Black Panthers.
She also told me about the Chivalrous Thief who had been recently burglarizing the homes of corrupt nobles in the Capital, while giving the stolen goods to orphanages sponsored by the Eris sect.
"Rumors say that the Chivalrous Thief is a really handsome man," Iris said, dreamily.
I suddenly had the urge to kill this Chivalrous Thief.
Even if we were just chatting, I felt a happiness that was not the sort that overwhelms you, but one that flutters for a moment and lingers for a long, long time.
"You will be leaving soon, won't you, onii-sama?"
As the conversation dwindled, she brought up an awkward topic.
"Well, we won't be leaving forever, or anything. Megumin wants to visit her hometown and I can't just let her go there on her own…ah…"
As I finished saying it, I realized that I was ditching Iris here, in this big, lonely mansion, just so I could have fun with Megumin in the home of the Crimson Demons.
"Well, I guess Megumin can go by herself…"
"No, it's OK. You belong with your party. Even though we call ourselves brother and sister, we've only known each other for a short while. You are not tied to me by obligation now, either. And besides, I have work to do in regards to figuring out how to approach my relationship with my real brother, anyways. I have a lot of things to address here, so it's not like I'll be lonely without onii-sama."
She smiled. Her smile was so radiant that I couldn't help but believe her.
"I'll come back soon. I can afford to hire a teleportation service now, so I will visit you often," I said.
"Please do. And I'll be expecting souvenirs when you visit."
When we first met, she wouldn't have been able to make such a direct and willful request.
Someone like Claire might say that I corrupted Iris, but I suspected that Iris always had this kind of mischievous personality deep within her.
"Excuse me, is Megumin-sama here?"
As Iris and I were chatting, a somewhat aged noble approached Megumin.
"Um, here's the money we owe you. I can't believe you wagered that much money for Satou-sama to win. Kuh!"
Megumin quickly snatched the money and yelled for the noble to go away.
I see. So she wagered for my victory, after all.
What a tsundere.
Part 6
"Pardon moi."
Not a Devil who would break his word, Vanir made an appearance once I stepped out of the shower. He made a provocative pose on my bed.
How creepy.
"So, what did you come here for? Is this about the 300 million Eris you owe me for selling my intellectual rights to those products? Listen, just because I recently hit it big time, doesn't mean that I won't take what is owed to me, OK?"
"Tch! Thy is more of a Devil than moi! To think that the so-called hero would be so obsessed with the material!"
He dramatically failed about, trashing my bed sheets around.
"Look, you came all the way here for a reason, right?! Just spit it out!"
"Very well. Moi came to give thy a warning. Be grateful! Moi senses that there will be great danger ahead in thy trip to the home of the delusional demons with weird names…"
"OK. Thank you for the warning. I will go to Megumin and cancel the trip right now."
"Do not be so hasty! There is powerful magic blocking moi scrying powers, so this certain future is inaccessible to moi. Whoever did such a thing is not only powerful, but has considered every risk to their plan, whatever it may have been. Moi suspects...that the remnants of the Devil King army might be taking action..."
And what did this have to do with me? If I told the King about this, he'd send his army to deal with the matter. There was no need for the hero to deal with every little thing.
"I can read thy thoughts, but let moi explain to thee the incomprehensible stupidity of that delusional demon clan…"
Vanir explained to me that the Crimson Demon clan had, some time ago, declared independence from Belzerg.
The home of the Crimson Demons were technically a country of their own. Apparently, Crimson Demons valued their own independence above everything else.
This was their official reasoning.
"The true reason was, those fools thought that having their own country to run would be fun for awhile."
Vanir said, as he shook his head in disapproval.
"Moi has already talked to the King about this. Although those delusional demons are an unpredictable lot, they are a valuable resource for this country, me included. Aside from their obvious strengths in magical power, the crimson fools are this country's foremost magic item artisans."
They needed to be protected, Vanir said, but this country's adventurers and army couldn't directly intervene with a 'country' that had declared independence.
But maybe the party of a Crimson Demon clansman could.
"And that is where thy steps in," he said.
I was left to digest this sudden info-dump.
"When did you get so friendly with the King?" I asked.
"And why wouldn't the King want to be friendly with an all-seeing Devil, and vice-versa?"
At first I thought the same thing, that a Devil's powers could prove useful to me.
The King would soon realize his grave misunderstanding.
I almost felt like crying. I thought that I was finally getting a vacation, but I got dragged into more trouble instead.
I didn't exactly have a choice. I couldn't just knowingly leave Megumin's clan to fight the remnants of the Devil King army by themselves.
I wasn't completely heartless, despite what some may say.
"It seems that thy has come up with an answer. Well, moi must now depart. As for thy previous inquiry, moi does not have the funds yet. Please content thyself with this limited edition Vanir mask that emulates my own. If worn at a moonlit night, thy metabolism, mana capacity, and physical prowess, will increase. And most importantly, thy will receive the charm of a Devil. Now, farewell! Oh, and Wiz says 'Hi'."
And with that, Vanir flicked a mask to me that was like his but fully black, and then the Devil leapt out of my window.
I looked at the mask.
How creepy.
I'd rather have the 300 million Eris, please.
Extra 1: A Peaceful Afternoon Following the Routine Explosion
"Here, give me your hand."
I took his hand and he helped me up and adeptly slid my limp torso onto his back. He did it all in one seamless sequence of actions, and I didn't even have the time to register my positional shift from the ground to his back, and soon we were in motion.
He'd gotten too good at this.
I didn't say 'thank you', not because I wasn't grateful, because I was, it's just that it was too late now, in this stage of our relationship, to say it. If I broke our established behavioural patterns, if I altered our usual dynamics, he'd know that something was up, and there was something up, definitely, for sure, with me, because I didn't worry about such trifling matters before I met him.
"How would you grade today's Explosion?" I asked.
"It was good. About an 86. The impact was there, but the visuals were lacking. There needs to be more volume with the smoke, too. What comes after the initial Explosion is important too, you know."
He didn't need to answer me so seriously. He could've just blown me off like usual, but he knew how much I treasured anything related to Explosion magic. This considerate side of him, I thought that maybe he'd have more luck with women if he acted this way consistently.
"What time is it?" I asked.
"About noon," he said.
"So I guess it's lunchtime, huh?" I said. "Hey, maybe we…"
"Yeah. Just about," he said. "Ah, which reminds me, I have to buy some stuff for our trip to the home of the Crimson Demons. I guess I'll drop you off at the castle and then head to the market afterwards. Hm, sorry, were you saying something?"
"Not really. Do you need help with shopping?"
"You're not much use in your current state."
"But I can still do this, and this."
"Ouch! Hey, the hair is off-limits! Seriously, this is why you are referred to with that unpleasant nickname back in town!"
"I don't want to hear anything from this infamous Scum-zuma."
We continued our descent down the hill connecting the forested outskirts to the bustling streets of the capital.
I said,
"Hey, let's go sightseeing at my hometown. It's a beautiful place, you know?"
"...I don't feel good about sightseeing in such a strange place."
I ignored how he so casually called my hometown strange.
"Well, just stick with me," I said. "I don't want you getting into any trouble. I'm not sure if you noticed this, but improbable developments have a tendency of inexplicably occurring within your immediate vicinity."
"That's an awfully long-winded way to say 'trouble follows you wherever you go'."
"As a Crimson Demon, I abhor Clichéd platitudinal phrases."
"Yeah, same here, but you don't see me pulling a thesaurus out every time I need to prove a point."
Did he not know that reading a thesaurus from cover to cover was a prerequisite for graduating the Academy of the Crimson Demons?
I mean, why say destroy when you can say eviscerate, or decayed instead of dessicated, or temporary and not ephemeral?
"Complex, multi-syllable words are a staple of the Crimson Demon vernacular, after all!"
He laughed. "Well, if that's the case, there's a lot of things wrong with your clan. I don't think you guys are completely sane. But, somehow, I'm thinking that it might not be that bad? I mean, if I can get used to you, then I can get used to anyone, I think."
"Are you insulting me, or what?"
He laughed again. "I guess it's a compliment? I'm saying that...even if you are a total insane weirdo, and a consistent pain in the ass, somehow, I got used to the whole crazy, impulsive, volatile package that is Megumin. So that's a testament of how your good points far outnumber your bad points. Or, you know, whatever. S-Somehow, I feel like I just said something really embarrassing!"
I felt a peculiar sensation. The mysterious feeling manifested into a flux of churning, beating activity within the intersection of my chest and stomach. I could not ascertain if the disturbance was caused by cardiac, or digestive imbalance.
If Kazuma could read my thoughts, he'd have said, "Just say that you're getting butterflies in your stomach, you needlessly verbose, pretentious little girl!"
Or something like that.
As we continued our descent, a Wide-Winged Cheeper floated by my shoulder, spun in a lethargic loop in front of us, before flapping it's enormous wings once and darting rapidly to the sky.
Even though the capital had been engaged in ceaseless skirmishes with the Devil King army only a few weeks ago, the local ecosystem seemed pristine and undisturbed.
I felt somewhat guilty for unleashing my Explosion on this beautiful place.
This might be unusual for a Crimson Demon to say, but I was glad for a period of reprieve from all the recent dramatics.
Before all this Devil King business, before the fame and the glory and our involvement in the politics of this land... I wanted to return to such a simple time.
With just us four enjoying the simple aspects of life leisurely, with some bursts of excitement occurring frequently, but not constantly.
A peaceful life, with them...with him...is all that I really wanted, in the end.
To want more would ruin everything.
So, just for a little while, I will stray from the characteristics of the Crimson Demon clan, that unwavering impulse for action and initiative, and exist in this reverberating state of complacency, these blessed, wonderful days.
Extra 2: A Good Thief
The necklace had exchanged hands from Princess Iris to its original owner, Prince Jatis, upon his return from the front lines.
The necklace was an artifact that allowed one to exchange bodies with whomever wore it. If used properly, one could gain immortality by constantly swapping bodies.
And aside from immortality, it was a quick way to gain power and prestige.
I didn't know who gave the artifact to the Prince, but I couldn't just wait around to find out.
But how in the world was I going to steal the artifact from a powerful Rune Knight like Prince Jatis?
Not to mention that getting through the palace security would prove to be its own separate challenge.
And that's not all...
Recently, matters became more complicated.
Darkness's party, against all odds, had defeated the Devil King.
I always had high expectations of that party, but to think that they would go this far…
Well, the complication lies in his presence.
With Kazuma-kun in the castle, and with that Detect Enemy skill I taught him, he would sense me right away if I attempted to infiltrate.
I heard word that Darkness and company would leave on a journey soon, but even with them out of the picture, the situation was still a difficult one.
But the Chivalrous Thief always prevails, no matter what!
Once Kazuma-kun leaves, there'd be no one in the castle who could detect my presence.
I noticed that on Sundays, at eight-thirty p.m., the Prince would always go and pay his respects to the late Queen Belzerg's altar.
In that room, there was a single window, and the Prince never entered that room with any weapons, or any servants and guards.
The Prince would always open the window to filter out the ritual incense smoke.
All I needed to do was cast Bind and Steal in quick succession on the Prince as soon as he opened the window to let the smoke out.
With my high luck, I would surely steal the artifact.
I would retreat with the Escape skill and Lurk.
For awhile, I had to avoid the capital and set up base somewhere else.
I considered going back to Axel.
But I had to come back to the capital, eventually.
The capital was full of evil nobles, and there was still one more powerful and dangerous artifact to collect.
Well, all that will be taken care of soon, I thought.
One step at a time.
Carefully, never recklessly.
That is how a good thief operates.
Chapter 5 END
Next Chapter: Blessing this Home of Crimson Demons with the Return of its Number One Genius!