Chapter 6: Blessing This Home of the Crimson Demons with the Return of its Number One Genius!
Part 1
It was time to leave.
The girls, thinking we were about to embark on a vacation, were in a terrific mood.
As for me, all I could think about were the tribulations awaiting us.
This was the curse of foresight.
We were in the throne room. The king was giving us his farewells. Joining this address was Iris and her bodyguards, Claire and Rain, and, standing beside the king was Lucie, the green haired crossbow user, who was apparently the king's number one assassin, according to Prince Jatis.
I hadn't really thought much about it, but the king had considered assassinating his own son, just for the sake of keeping the royal family's reputation untainted.
Prince Jatis dismissed it as the expected duties of a king. I was from another world, with different moral values…at least, it was so in the era I was born in. I could not help but feel alienated, from a moral standpoint.
Speaking of Prince Jatis, he was also in attendance, but he stood at an awkward distance from us.
Well, his father had considered assassinating him, after all. It was understandable to feel some tension.
"A lot of…unfortunate mishaps occurred, but I hope that your stay in the capital was a pleasant one," the king said.
We all exchanged uncertain looks.
"Uh, yeah, sure. Very pleasant," Megumin said.
For some reason, Megumin shot a glare at Iris, who returned the look with equal animosity.
I heard that the two of them had a 'girls talk' the night before. Did they have a fight?
"I-It is always an honor to be considered a guest of your highness," Darkness said.
Darkness had averted her eyes while saying this. She couldn't wait to get out of the capital, as well.
"You had some really good food and wine, so I have no complaints at all! And most of the supposed mishaps happened to Kazuma and Darkness, anyways!"
Come to think of it, in terms of creating trouble or getting involved in it, Aqua managed to remain relatively blameless.
I knew from past experience that hoping for a continuation of good behavior was a futile expectation.
"We've already said goodbye, but allow me to say it one more time, onii-sama."
Iris said such endearing words. She came over to hug me.
"I'll visit soon," I said.
"I'm looking forward to it."
Prince Jatis also approached us. Though, he did avoid looking to his father's direction.
"I feel like I made a terrible impression on you, but from here on out, I hope that you'll count me as one of your friends."
He held out a hand.
"…Normally, I make it a policy to not befriend handsome guys like you, but I'll make an exception for Iris's brother. Take care of her, OK?"
"Oh, yes. I will take care of her splendidly while you are away."
"Never mind. I rescind my friendship. Go explode, you normie."
He gave me the upturned eyes that was characteristic of the Belzerg siblings.
To think that a man could manage to pull my heartstrings.
I shook his hand.
"Though, if I were to be honest, I feel like you should talk to me more politely seeing as how you completely destroyed my armor," he said.
"…For that, I'm very sorry," I said.
The hardest part of life, or so they say, the farewells, have been made.
"Hey, are you forgetting to say your farewells to us, or what?"
Claire said this. She said 'us' as if I was excluding Rain as well, but Rain was the one teleporting us to the home of the Crimson Demons, so we didn't have to say goodbye to her yet.
"We haven't shared any meaningful interaction to warrant such things. We are barely acquaintances as it is, and if I remember correctly, you had some demeaning words for me back when I fell from grace."
Claire looked affronted, but something in her face told me that she didn't really disagree with my words.
"In any case, even the most unfamiliar acquaintances exchange farewells when one is embarking on a journey," she said.
She held out her hand.
"You have a point. And if a red-haired, busty beauty like you is willing to go to such lengths just to touch my hand, then I guess a gentleman like myself would have no choice but to please."
She tried to retreat her hand, but I took it, leaned close, and gave it a quick peck.
"I hate you so much," she said.
"Previous life experiences has taught me that strong hate is the foundation of an even stronger love..."
And by 'previous life experiences', I meant anime and manga.
"That's it, I tried to be nice, you all saw!"
Just as Claire was about to unsheathe her sword, the king coughed to get our attention.
He said, "Satou Kazuma, please come here for a moment."
I came to his side. He leaned to me and whispered, "I assume Vanir-san already told you everything?"
I nodded.
"Although they are quite troublesome, the Crimson Demons are still a valuable resource to us. And, for you, I'm sure that you'll have extra incentive, as the home of one of your precious party members is in grave danger..."
While looking at Megumin, I said, "Don't worry, you can count on us."
"Have you told them about the attack, yet?"
"It's better if they don't know what they're getting into," I said.
"…I can't tell if you're a good leader, or an unnecessarily cruel one."
"I don't know enough about leadership to make any sort of comment about that."
He chuckled.
"Listen, King Joethanael," I said. "I realize that Prince Jatis isn't really all that well adjusted. I get it, that he's the shame of the family and all, but he's not really such a bad son. I think."
I intended to be more confident in my stance.
"Yes, I realize all that. It is just…difficult. But perhaps I've been spoiled as a father. Jatis had always been so obedient and eager to impress. Whether this is all just a phase or the emergence of his true character, I hope that I can one day accept him for what he is."
Being a parent, especially a single parent, seemed really hard. It was not an envious job.
Nothing about King Joethanael's life was envious.
I was praised as a hero, but the people seemed to overlook this man who had the weight of an entire country, as well as the burdens of parenthood, weighing upon his shoulders.
Part 2
We were all standing in a circle, holding each other's hands.
Our luggage was by our feet, including a carrier cage for Chomusuke.
Chomusuke spent his days in the castle being attended to by the finest pet groomers in the capital, and during meal time, fed the most supreme quality of fish, milk, and all the goodies that cats favored.
Chomusuke's fur had a velvety shine to it, and there was an ornamented collar around its neck. It walked with its feline chin raised, regarding as all with an imperious 'above you' attitude.
I'm glad that at least the cat enjoyed this trip to the capital.
"Are you all ready?" Rain said.
We all nodded.
"OK. I must warn you that there is a low percentage of failure when it comes to group teleportation."
"What percentage and what type of failure are we talking about here?" I asked.
"About 3%," she said.
"That's not so bad."
"And in case of failure, oh, I don't know, we might shift into an extra-planar dimension and become trapped there for all eternity. Well, here it goes…!"
"Eh? Come again?"
A bright flash engulfed us.
The sensation of transfer was intrusive and instantaneous and overwhelming.
I used the teleportation spell before, with the scrolls from Wiz's shop. I had a good sense of what should, and shouldn't happen, and I sensed that, somewhere along the way, the procedure had gone awry.
Instead of the home of the Crimson magic, we were transported to a depthless, pitch black space.
"W-Where is this place?" Darkness said.
I tried to move, but I couldn't.
"I can't move, Kazuma! This is not fair! I didn't even cast Explosion yet, so why can't I move?"
This girl needed to stop relating everything to Explosion magic.
I heard cries of distress from Chomusuke's cage. I abhorred animal cruelty as much as anyone, but I couldn't help but deprive a sense of schadenfreude at this spoiled cat's suffering.
I confirmed it with the others. We were suspended in the postures we were in previously, as we were teleported.
"Ooh, I can move! In fact, it feels like I'm floating! This is fun!"
The exception was Aqua who merrily floated in front of us. She was able to manipulate the strange force that held us all in place. I could see the invisible force stretch and waver as Aqua moved her limbs through it, pushing and pulling herself through this dimension.
"T-The transfer should have been instantaneous!" Rain said. "I can only conclude that the spell failed…"
The spell failed? Come to think of it, for such a terrible outcome, a 3% failure rate wasn't all that low at all.
"Rain-san, what is this place?" Darkness said, repeating her previous inquiry.
"We refer to this space as the Ethereal Plane. High-levelled, skilled Mages can use rituals to visit the Ethereal Plane in a spirit form, but as we intruded inadvertently, in our physical forms, as you can see, our bodies can't maneuver through the dense spiritual density of this realm."
She looked at Aqua, who had no problems moving.
"It is very strange how Aqua-sama can move so easily. Normally, only spiritual bodies and divine hosts can manipulate the energies of the Ethereal Plane."
There was finally definitive proof of Aqua's status as a goddess.
There were times when I was skeptical of the legitimacy of her godhood.
"No way. Don't tell me we're going to die here!" I cried.
"Not necessarily. According to what we know of the mysterious properties of the Ethereal Plane, the fundamental rule of this realm is that 'all must return to the point of origin'. Even if our body decays in time, it will recover to the state it was when we entered, returning to the 'point of origin'. We could spend an eternity here frozen in stasis, dying and resurrecting and dying again, forever, and ever…in an endless cycle of destruction and origin…"
This premise suddenly took a really dark turn.
"Kazuma, Kazuma, although I am a masochist, this kind of existential horror, being trapped in an unknown realm while in physical stasis for all eternity, is way beyond the tolerance threshold of my fetish!" Darkness said.
"Kazuma, Kazuma, although this existential horror appeals to my Crimson Demon sensibilities greatly, I'm afraid that I will be mind-broken if this goes on any further."
Megumin and Darkness were experiencing mirror replicas of each other's personal crises.
Aqua was still floating about. "It feels like I'm under water, Kazuma! Look, I'm swimming!"
Aqua, meanwhile, was having the time of her life.
"Rain, can you use the teleportation spell again?" I asked.
"Yes, but group teleportation spell takes a lot of mana. And I can't recover any more due to the inconvenient properties of this plane."
More and more, it seemed like this dimension was specifically created to torment us.
Using my limited vision, as I couldn't turn my head all the way around, I surveyed our surroundings, looking for anything that could help us.
Eventually, I found something.
I could see from my periphery, behind us, the image of a bright and illuminated area that seemed to resemble the images of the home of the Crimson Demons, which I've seen depictions of in reference guides and encyclopedias.
"That vague visage appears to resemble the home of the Crimson Demons," Megumin said, confirming my suspicions.
"So we slightly overshot our destination," Rain-san said. "That light is the dimensional portal we should have slipped into. We need to reach it to leave this dimension."
"Aqua, since you're the only one who can move, apparently, we need you to, I don't know, push us back, or something! Is that even possible?" I asked, the last question directed to Rain.
"It should be," Rain said. "Our bodies are now currently mass-less, as if we were underwater."
"You heard her, Aqua! Get to it! Who knows how long that portal will hold up!"
Aqua seemed like she wanted to argue, but she saw our panicked expressions.
"O-OK. So, will I have to push you one by one? I guess, in order of priority, it's women and children first. OK, Megumin will go first, then."
"Yes, I am a child. A child with undeveloped breasts. Please save my loli self, first."
Megumin was already losing a grip on the fundamental traits of her character.
"Wait, Aqua. There is a rope in my backpack. Tie it around us, and you can pull all of us to safety without having to do it one by one."
"Good idea, Kazuma!"
Aqua began tying the rope around us, but she was having trouble doing so.
"I'm sorry, I'm sorry," she said, near hysterical.
"I-It's OK, Aqua. I'm sorry for rushing you. Just take your time," I said.
It didn't make sense to make Aqua panic and cause her to mess up, so I withheld my usual criticisms.
We were silent as Aqua did her work.
"Kazuma, Kazuma," Megumin said.
Megumin was the one to break the silence.
"What is it?" I said.
"Let's play a game," she said.
"Oi, this isn't the time to play games!"
"I beg to differ. It's the perfect time. We have to find a means to stay calm, or else someone will snap eventually. So, let's play a game."
"OK. You have a point," I conceded."What kind of game did you have in mind?"
"Hm, it's not really a game, but let's talk about our biggest regrets in life, so far. After all, if all fails, this might be our last moments of sanity. Let us dwell on our lingering regrets, while our minds are still capable of recalling them with any semblance of clarity…"
I thought that the purpose of this 'game' was to improve the mood, not make it worse.
But the others seemed up for it, as it was a means to take our mind off our current situation. I didn't really see the harm in it, so I played along.
"Let's choose the first contestant. Darkness, pick a number from 1 to 10."
"8," Darkness said.
"OK. The number I chose was also 8. It's your turn, now."
"Did you get lucky, or did you just pick the same number I did after the fact?"
"How rude of you, to accuse me of cheating. You told me before that 8 was your favorite number because the name 'Darkness' has 8 letters within it. Oh, and because you think that 8 looks like the infinity symbol standing up, or something."
"Did I really tell you all that? I don't recall telling you this…"
Megumin seemed to remember something. "Oh, yeah. You didn't tell me. I read it from your diary."
"…My number one regret is trusting you with my room keys. There. I'm done with my turn."
"No, Darkness! You have to take this seriously or else everyone else with give half-assed answers!"
"And why would I care if anyone else takes this stupid game seriously?! It's not even a game, this is just gossip! Fine, if you must know, I'll tell you about my biggest regret! When I was six years old, I had a maid who…"
"Oh, I already read about this in your diary. So that's your biggest regret, huh? Seems kind of tame, to me. I'm sure that your maid didn't mind too much that she had to hand wash your soiled bed sheets until you were ten years old, the age when you finally stopped wetting the bed. She's just doing her job, after all, so don't feel too sorry for her. OK, thanks for participating, contestant Darkness. The next contestant is Rain-san. You don't have to pick a number."
"…Did I do something recently to make you mad, Megumin?" Darkness said.
Rain, suddenly being the center of attention, lost her composure for a moment before quickly regaining it. "I'm not too sure about this…"
"Think of this as a way for us to get closer with one another," Megumin said. "We are all close friends here except for you, Rain-san. Wouldn't you want to build some camaraderie with us?"
Megumin certainly had a silver tongue.
"Your reasoning is really quite suspect, but I've always been susceptible to peer pressure. Kuh! If only I was a bit more assertive!"
Rain was surprisingly forthcoming about her deficits.
"Um, in terms of regrets, I guess it'd be the usual things. For example, I regret the fact that I never had a chance to confess to my first love. He was a noble in a house lesser than mine, so I had always been apprehensive about starting a relationship with him.
Due to all my fretting about, one day, he fell in love with a lady from a house of a higher status than him or mine, and they eloped soon after. If I hadn't been so superficial, thinking about our differences in status…sometimes I wonder what could have happened…"
She sighed. She had the look of a maiden as she fondly reminisced about her first love.
Megumin and Darkness, who were not at all versed in the feminine ways, had no way to respond or empathize.
"Uh, OK. Thanks for sharing," Megumin said. "Kazuma, go next."
"I also regret missing the chance to confess to my first love," I said.
For some reason, the girls, even Aqua who had only been barely listening as she did her work, started laughing at me.
I couldn't stop myself from blushing. "Oi! I'm telling the truth! Even I have experienced things like first love, you know?!"
"S-Sometimes I forget that Kazuma is a normal human being with emotions, like all of us. Of course it's normal for him to fall in love," Darkness said, while trying not to laugh.
"Don't pay lip service to this sociopath, Darkness," Megumin said.
What kind of unfeeling monster was I in their eyes?
"This story about Satou-sama's first love intrigues me," Rain said. "If you don't mind, please share with us, Satou-sama."
At least someone was trying to be polite. Though, Rain was also having a good chuckle.
"I don't really see why I should contribute after you all mocked me, but I'm a good sport, so I'll play along. Well, the story is really quite ordinary. I had a childhood friend who once told me, when we were kids, that she wanted to marry me when we were adults. Of course, I fell in love with her after that, and I continued to have feelings for her even as we got older. It turns out that my feelings were one-sided, though, because I happened to see her with another man…"
It was on the summer of the second year of Junior high, and I saw her riding in the back seat of a bike with a delinquent senpai. Up until that point, I was a diligent student who produced good grades, but I began to devolve into a NEET who wanted nothing to do with the outside world, after that traumatic heartbreak.
This was the origin story of my NEET self.
I found myself revealing a part of my dark, cringe worthy past that I had never talked about to anyone until this point.
I immediately regretted it!
I waited for them to laugh at me, but instead I received sympathetic looks from each of the girls, even Aqua.
"S-Somehow, the maternal, protective side of me wants to pamper this surprisingly vulnerable Satou-sama," Rain said.
Rain looked at me like a mother wanting to spoil her child.
"The normally crude Kazuma is displaying such a gentle side. Is this what they call gap moe?" Darkness said.
I didn't know how to feel about the term 'gap moe' being applied to me.
Megumin didn't say anything, but she looked at me with an expression I couldn't really decipher.
Aqua, who was still having trouble tying the knot, paused from her work and said, "Kazuma is quite cute when he's not putting up a tough guy act."
I wouldn't exactly call my default attitude of indifference a 'tough guy' act.
"How about you, Aqua? Are you willing to share anything?" Megumin asked.
"No, not really. I'm not the type to have any regrets," Aqua said.
I thought for sure that she'd regret being brought along in this world with me, and losing her position as a goddess in the process.
Speaking of which, I was reminded of something.
"Hey, Aqua. I already beat the Devil King. If I remember correctly, that angel said that you could return to heaven once you helped me defeat the Devil King. Whatever happened to that?"
I whispered this to Aqua to avoid any pesky inquiries from the others.
"Well, you know, it's not like I'm in a hurry to leave you guys," she said. "I'd stay here and have fun with all of you forever, if I could help it."
She flashed a genuine smile.
Be still, my beating heart.
Seriously, heart, stop beating for this uncute goddess. You are being deceived.
I had these thoughts about the Aqua who I had never considered as someone of the opposite sex.
We began to lose interest in Megumin's 'game', and soon our discussion settled to small talk.
It took a while for Aqua to tie the rope around us.
She finished eventually, with some instructions and encouragement from us, and soon she was pulling us out of this creepy dimension.
"Wait, Megumin didn't have her turn, yet," Darkness said, as we drew nearer to the light. "Quite frankly, out of all of us, I am more curious about the regrets of a gung-ho person like you, Megumin."
Darkness was implying that a reckless person like Megumin must have surely made many regretful mistakes in her life.
"Fufu. The word 'regret' does not belong in the Crimson Demon vocabulary," Megumin said.
"…You weren't planning on sharing anything at all, were you?"
"Not in the slightest. Thanks for sharing though, Rain-san, and especially you, Kazuma."
So in short, she did all this just to gather blackmail material from us.
Part 3
We made it out safely.
"Ah! The laws of physics I once resented! Enslave me with your oppressive rationality once more!" As if to prove a point, Megumin flailed around and jumped up and down. "Gravity, the sweet feeling of gravity!"
"A-Although I wouldn't have minded an eternity of full-body paralysation, I'd rather it be me alone who suffers, and not my friends. I'm glad we got out of that safely," Darkness said.
"Fufu. All thanks to me," Aqua said.
Our derailment in the Ethereal Plane took a deeper emotional toll on me than I had imagined.
I just realized the terrible alternate outcomes if we hadn't come of that safely!
In the face of what I had just been through, this business with the Crimson Demons didn't seem so important anymore.
Seriously, those Crimson Demons could fight their own battles!
"Rain-san, let's go back to the capital."
Yes, back to the capital. With my gentle Iris, and the comforts and luxury life in a castle provided.
My soul needed some healing and respite from the terrors of this reality and beyond.
"…Sorry, but I want to avoid using the Teleportation spell, at least for awhile," Rain said.
It seems that I wasn't the only one who had been deeply affected. Come to think of it, Rain and I were pretty much the only normal people in this group.
No, although it pains me to admit it, I had my quirks as well. Rain was indeed the only normal one in this group.
"…If you really want to go back, Kazuma, there are people in the village who run a teleporting service. But, I'd really appreciate it if you at least drop by and say a quick 'hi' to my parents."
Megumin, looking unexpectedly bashful, said those words.
"…I might as well, I guess," I said. "I have a thing or two to say to the irresponsible parents, who allowed Megumin to grow up into such a weirdo, anyways."
"Never mind. I don't want you to meet my parents at all. In fact, stay away from my family. Knowing them, they might get the wrong idea and go on about me 'bringing a man home', or something."
"I see, so your family is like mine, Megumin," Darkness said. "My father also insists that I get married soon..."
"Someone as old as you, who is nearing the age of ineligibility, has no right to compare themselves with a fresh prospect like me."
"I'm not as old as you make me seem, OK?! And I am far from the 'age of ineligibility', which is rumored to be in the dreaded timeline of the 30's and 40's. I still have a lot of time ahead of me! Tell her, Rain-san, who is about the same age as me, if not older!"
"Please don't involve me in this, Dustiness-sama."
"I also don't wish to disclose my real age," Aqua said. "But I can assure you that I am younger than Darkness."
"Uguahh!" Darkness let out a strange cry.
Aqua had put a close to the argument.
To avoid delaying ourselves any further, we began heading to the home of the Crimson Demons, but before we made it halfway through, we heard the sound of running footsteps and a familiar voice calling out to us, behind us.
We were delayed once more.
"E-Eh? Megumin? And Kazuma-san and everyone? W-What are you all doing here? Did you receive a letter, too?"
Behind us was Yunyun. She looked slightly winded and some leaves had stuck to her clothes. She had a dagger on one hand and had her wand, still glowing with red energy, on the other. She was carrying a backpack with a sleeping bag tied to it with a long leather strap.
I looked behind her and saw a deep and lush forest. I read from somewhere that the forest bordering the home of the Crimson Demons was filled with high-levelled monsters. I reasoned that Yunyun had just gone through that forest to get here.
Teleporting services were quite expensive, so Yunyun must have traveled here the normal way, using caravans and traveling the rest of the way on foot.
As I continued studying Yunyun, I noticed that she had cut her hair short. It was now about shoulder length.
In fact, her hair looked exactly like Megumin's.
Aqua and I exchanged wry glances.
We predicted it, even way back then.
"H-Hmph! So you noticed my hair, huh? Think nothing of it! You may have beaten me in terms of accolades, Megumin, my rival, but I have matured in many ways, too! Therefore, I wanted a way to show how much I've grown in like a…um, an emotional way, I think..."
This uncertain girl couldn't even properly express her own motivations.
"You've been reading too much of those stories aimed for young adolescent girls, Yunyun. Rather than displaying your supposed emotional maturity, it seems like you're just trying to copy my hairstyle."
"!" Yunyun set her backpack down and retrieved a hand mirror from a side pocket. She gaped at the reflection staring back at her, as if it was her first time seeing it.
"I-It's true that I now look like Megumin, but if you consider the ribbons in my hair, and my various hair accessories, it's obvious that it is really quite different!"
She looked to us as if seeking confirmation. We avoided her gaze.
"So rather than my rival, you've become my imitator instead? What, are you going to learn Explosion magic now, too?"
This Megumin was really cruel and relentless.
Yunyun cried an 'Uwaa!' and ran past us to the home of the Crimson Village.
"Wait, she was talking about a 'letter', wasn't she?" Megumin asked.
She should have asked about that before making the poor girl run off.
Part 4
"Oh. It's Megumin, isn't it? Long time no see. I saw Yunyun run past, too, but she completely ignored me. What happened?"
Greeting us, by the entrance, was a somewhat haggard young man, probably just a few years older than me, about College age. He had black hair and red eyes, a Crimson Demon, for sure.
"Ah. Isn't that the shoe maker's son, Buzucoily? Long time no see," Megumin said.
She completely disregarded the mention of Yunyun.
She approached this Buzucoily, another Crimson Demon with a weird name, and proceeded to chat with him.
"When I last saw you, you were just a little shrimp. And now you're…well, you've evolved into one of those small lobsters that you and your sister used to forage for your dinner."
"They are called crayfish. And I see that you are still a NEET like always, Buzucoily. What job are you pretending to have these days, Buzucoily? Are you part of the town guard, now, Buzocoily? Is that why you're leisurely 'patrolling' the town, Buzucoily?!"
As a fellow NEET who also 'patrolled' the town in his spare time, I had to speak up for this Buzucoily-san.
"Oi, Megumin. This guy here is your senior. Instead of going Buzucoily, Buzucoily, you should address him with the proper honorifics! 'Buzucoily onii-chan~' or 'Buzu-nii~' will do nicely! And make sure to put your heart into it and make it extra moe! I'm sure Buzucoily-san will appreciate that!"
Megumin didn't seem to like my suggestion.
"Buzucoily did act like an older brother to me when I was growing up, playing with me and even bringing me treats from time to time. For taking the time and effort to do all that, I appreciate and respect him.
However, what irks me is that during his pubertal years, as he didn't have any male friends around his age to confide in, this NEET would report to me, an impressionable child, about strange bodily changes he'd undergo, and unusual wet dreams he'd have, and his paranoia about hair growing in places where it shouldn't! I admit that I am somewhat emotionally dysfunctional now, as a young woman, but I blame my unusual emotional growth solely on this no-good NEET over here!"
Megumin just made a hefty accusation, but this 'no-good NEET' didn't seem to be listening to her at all.
Instead, Buzucoily-san was studying us.
"We don't usually have visitors here," he said.
Darkness, being our most capable diplomat, stepped towards Buzucoily and flashed a cordial smile. "We are Megumin's party. It is a pleasure to meet you, Buru…Busu…"
Our most capable diplomat was having trouble pronouncing this unusual name.
I whispered, "Buzucoily," to Darkness.
"…Buzucoily-san," she finished. "My name is La…I mean, Darkness."
She then proceeded to introduce Aqua, Rain, and me.
"Nice to meet you, Butchieculie-san," Rain said.
"It's Buzucoily," I whispered to her, as I had done for Darkness.
"Isn't that what I just said?" she asked.
She was surprisingly air headed.
Speaking of air heads…
"Pfft. What kind of name is that? What a dork!" Aqua said.
She was way too rude to someone she just met, though I could hardly disagree with her.
"All these girls and one boy...to think that the proud Megumin would join a harem. I assume she fills the role of the tsundere loli archetype?"
He made a surprisingly accurate evaluation.
"I want to hit you really hard right now, but that will only reinforce my supposed classification as a tsundere. For now, I will remind you that I know a lot of your secrets, Buzucoily, especially regarding your crush on the town's fortune teller, Soketto…"
Buzucoily hurriedly covered Megumin's mouth. "Geez, this girl! She didn't change at all!"
"So Megumin had always been this way, huh?" Darkness said. "I'm kind of curious about her past, now…"
Rather than Megumin, I was more curious about Darkness's past.
It was like how people were strangely fascinated by the psychology of serial killers.
My curiosity towards Darkness could be defined as such.
"I'd like to think that I've matured a little bit, unlike Megumin who has apparently always been this way," Aqua said.
I liked to think that Aqua had matured, too.
But there was a big difference between what I'd like to think, and how things really were.
"Ah. Where are my manners, I haven't even introduced myself," Buzucoily-san said.
He raised his hand to the air.
"I am Buzucoily! Son of the number one shoemaker in the home of the Crimson Demons! One who has mastered Advanced Magic! My job is to 'patrol' the town in case of any danger! My preference when it comes to women is, of course, big breasts and a pretty face! My Signature Skill is…"
I tuned him out.
I stared at Megumin, who was avoiding my gaze.
She made me believe, when she pitched the plan to visit her hometown, that her usual behavior was not an accurate representation of the Crimson Demons as a whole.
The entire clan was like this.
She had deceived me.
Buzucoily led us to the village. He was totally acting official, as if it as his job to welcome outsiders. But Megumin kept bringing up the fact that he was just a jobless NEET.
Megumin, who had now retrieved Chomusuke from the carrier cage we brought along, was looking nostalgically at her home.
"Ah, I remember that place over there, the Seal of the Evil God. That is where my little sister found Chomusuke."
I was sure that there was no correlation between The Seal of the Evil God, and the discovery of Chomusuke, as that was what Megumin seemed to be implying.
"As a mage, I've always been heavily interested in Crimson Demon culture. Could you give us a little tour, Bullycoozie-san?"
Just how bad was Rain's pronunciation?
Buzucoily-san, probably not used to a girl his age addressing him so casually, began to panic.
"Oh, uh, sure, Rain-san. Um, oh! If you look over there, that is a powerful magical telescope that was developed by one of our most skilled magic item artisans. We often use this telescope to observe the Devil King's castle…"
"I've heard of this telescope before!" Rain said. "Certainly, with this powerful item, the Crimson Demon clan must have amassed an abundance of information about the Devil King's army…"
"Eh? No, not really. Most of the time, we just use it to peep on the Devil King's daughter's room. N-Not that I do perverted things like that at all, Rain-san. Ha ha."
"Oh, Burunosy-san, you are quite humorous! As if a powerful magic item would be used for such a juvenile purpose!"
This outsider had severely underestimated the irrationality of the Crimson Demon clan.
Also, it wasn't Bootchieculie, or Bullycoozie, or Burunosy, it was Buzucoily!
I wanted to yell this at Rain.
"Hey, do you guys have any restaurants in this village, or anything? I'm getting hungry," Aqua announced.
I was about to call Aqua a glutton, but I realized that it was already lunchtime.
"Don't be a glutton, Aqua."
I still said it anyways.
"Don't worry, Aqua. Once we arrive at my home, I will cook everyone a delicious meal," Megumin said. "I just hope that my family could afford to buy decent ingredients with the money I send them every month. It'd be embarrassing to serve our guests with the usual fare of rice gruel and slightly salted bean sprouts."
She said something really depressing. I really didn't want any insight about the family troubles of others, if I could help it.
"Oh, yeah. About that, your home has been completely destroyed by the remnants of the Devil King army, Megumin. I'm sorry for your loss."
"Eh?"
Buzucoily-san just casually mentioned something really important.
Megumin grabbed the collar of Buzucoily's shirt and started tugging him around.
"Elaborate! What happened to my home?! What Devil King army?! Oi, tell me!"
"Did you not hear? What is left of the Devil King army made an assault on the village just two days ago. If it makes you feel any better, my home has been destroyed, too…"
"And how would that make me feel better?!"
I looked around me. While I didn't see anyone out in the streets, there were several businesses in operation, and the people here didn't seem at all concerned about the Devil King army.
"Oi, Megumin, calm down," I said. "There's no use panicking. I'm sure that your family is safe."
"Eh? What about my family? Why should I be concerned about them?"
Darkness became enraged and grabbed Megumin by the collar and shook her in the same manner Megumin had with Buzucoily-san.
"I always thought that you were cold-hearted, but what's with your lack of concern, Megumin?!"
"C-Calm down Dustiness-sama! Us mages value rationality above all else! I'm sure that Butsunolly-san and Megumin-san are actually very concerned about their families, but they are trying to keep a level head in order to make sense of the situation!"
Again, Rain was giving the Crimson Demons too much credit.
"Hey, if Megumin's house is out, can we go to a restaurant instead? It's not like I don't care about the safety of Megumin's family and all, but at the same time, I'm just thinking that it wouldn't hurt to have a bite to eat while I'm worrying, y'know?"
This self-centered goddess was adding to my growing headache.
"It seems that you are all misunderstanding something here," Megumin said. "I have no doubt that my family is safe. Crimson Demons are very powerful and capable, and unless we desire it, for the sake of theatrics, there is no way any of us can lose in a fight, much less if all of us fought together. If you look around, you can see that everything is peaceful. Does this look like a place the Devil King army attacked two days ago?"
She was right. As I observed previously, all the businesses seemed to be running as if nothing happened, and there was no noticeable collateral damage on the buildings, or the natural surroundings.
Well, except for Megumin and Buzucoily-san's home, apparently.
"The truth is, the Devil King army would often organize assaults on the home of the Crimson Demons," Meguimin continued. "I'd even say that they attack this place at a higher frequency than they do the capital. We are used to such things occurring, so please rest easy."
"Hold on, you were so distraught earlier upon hearing the news about your home," Darkness said.
"We don't have home insurance, so I panicked," Megumin said.
"This is the last time I will ever be concerned for you," Darkness said.
"As for your family, Megumin, they are taking refuge in the village chief's estate. My family is staying there as well," Buzucoily-san said.
I had some things to consider. If the Devil King army frequently attacked the home of the Crimson Demons, then there was no reason why both Vanir and King Joethanael would make a big deal about sending me here.
There must have been a reason. The Crimson Demons might be as powerful as Megumin claimed, but perhaps the Devil King army, with their leader now dead, was willing to engage in one last desperate assault.
A desperate enemy was not one to take for granted.
I didn't want the others to unnecessarily panic. Buzucoily-san had mentioned a village chief. My plan was to discuss the situation with the leader of the village, before doing anything else.
Part 5
Buzucoily-san led us to the estate of the village chief.
It was a mansion, probably the same size as ours, back in Axel.
I was reminded of our home, which was probably still undergoing re-construction by now, and I began to feel homesick.
I really missed Axel, too. There were a lot of friends I wanted to catch up with, like Dust and his party, my old co-workers from the construction site, my drinking buddies from the guild…
And it was a while since I visited that shop, too.
Buzucoily-san knocked on the door. It didn't take long for the door to open.
"Yes? Who is it?"
I was expecting a maid or a butler to open it, but we were greeted by Yunyun.
I almost forgot that Yunyun was the daughter of the village chief.
It was really awkward, considering how she ran away from us only a while ago.
"Yunyun. I was saying 'hi' to you earlier but you completely ignored me. How could you? Don't you remember me, who treated you like a precious little sister, your dear onii-chan, Buzucoily?"
"I-I'm sorry, Buzucoily-san. Um, long time no see. And, um, sorry, but if I remember correctly, you only ever played with Megumin and her sister, not me. In fact, the one time you came over to play with me, I remember you calling me something like 'a strange child' because I refused to brainstorm ideas for 'Finishing Moves' and 'Certain Kill Attacks' with you, and then you never came by again."
Recalling the memory, Yunyun's eyes started to tear up.
Just how many children did this Buzucoily fellow traumatize?
"Ah, I remember. No child in the village wanted to play with the young Yunyun, who was an anomaly among the Crimson Demons, as she didn't share our love for 'Finishing Moves' and 'Certain Kill Attacks'. How nostalgic."
What was up with this maltreatment of Yunyun?
Rather, why was the only sane person in this village treated like some kind of pariah?
"Hm? Yunyun, do we have company?"
A middle aged man with a mustache came out and approached us. He wore a red robe and he had a wand, similar to Yunyun's, attached to his leather belt. Despite his age, he was wearing black leather pants and a bejeweled choker around his neck, but that could be attributed to the conventional fashion sense of the Crimson Demons, rather than the symptoms of a mid-life crisis.
"Y-Yes, father. Um, it seems that Megumin has returned to our village. And she came here with her party..."
"I've heard about the exploits of this party. It is an honor to meet all of you. And to think that Megumin would be a member of the party who would kill the Devil King. Well, Megumin had always been considered a once in a generation genius, a genius among geniuses, so this much is expected!"
As the chief said this, Yunyun lowered her head.
Also, I didn't think that there had been any truth to Megumin's bragging, when she went on and on about being the number one genius of the Crimson Demons. I didn't know that she was actually as big of a deal as she claimed, back in her home town.
"Oh, I forgot to introduce myself. I am Yunikoguma! The Number One Village Chief of the Crimson Demons! One who has mastered Advanced Magic!"
Another weird name and greeting.
"Megumin, I assume that you will want to see your parents. Right now, they are staying in one of the guest rooms. Buzucoily-kun, your parents are also in their rooms. I will be here with Yunyun, as we have a lot to catch up on. I am sure that you have a lot of exciting stories to tell about your adventures, Yunyun!"
"Y-Yes, father..."
I needed to talk to the chief, but I didn't want to intrude on his reunion with Yunyun.
We thanked the chief for his hospitality and headed upstairs.
"I'm going to my parents' room," Buzucoily said. "I will see you all later."
"Yes, I will look forward to seeing you again," Rain said. "I would very much like a continuation of the tour, Burukosky-san."
"I-It would be my pleasure, Rain-san!"
A strange coupling had formed.
"Hmph! Before, that no-good NEET was going on about Soketto this and Soketto that. This just goes to show how fickle the emotions of men are. They will fall in love with girls who act just a bit kindly to them!"
Megumin made this harsh judgement about the male sex.
"E-Eh? I'm sure that it's not like that at all with Buztsucrawlly-san. G-Geez, Megumin-san, you must be joking! He doesn't really love me...does he?"
Rain seemed like the type to develop feelings for someone just because she was egged on by her friends.
Totally the susceptible type.
We followed the chief's directions and reached the guest room where Megumin's parents were staying. She knocked on the door.
"Hm? Who is it? Is it Buzucoily-nii again? Did you come to give me treats in exchange for me listening to your weird dreams about Soketto-san, again?"
A child's voice could be heard from the other side of the door.
"That NEET! I'll rip his hair out!"
We held back Megumin, who was about to run for Buzucoily's room and commit a crime of passion.
"Eh? Is that onee-chan's voice?"
The door opened. From the other side was a little girl, who looked like what Megumin would look like at that age.
I immediately sensed great potential within this girl, as if my instincts were telling me that I was in the presence of someone who would become a great person in the future.
I resisted the urge to kneel in reverence to this young girl.
"Hello, Komekko, I'm back. Did you miss me?"
This little girl, Komekko, looked at Megumin, then at Chomusuke who was perched on Megumin's shoulder. For some reason, Komekko began to drool while looking at Chomusuke.
"Ah, onee-chan brought tonight's dinner!"
She was Megumin's little sister, alright.
Coming out from the room, following Komekko, was a woman I assumed to be Megumin's mother.
Aside from a few wrinkled laugh lines, she still looked very young and beautiful.
But, when I looked at her chest, or her lack of it, I gave up any hope that Megumin would someday develop in that area.
"Oh, my! My daughter, the hero, has returned. And she brought her famous party with her. I wish you would have given us a warning. I would have worn my best dress to properly greet your friends..."
She was wearing a plain looking dress, meant for casual wear around the house, not for entertaining guests.
"…I already wrote to you about my visit. And isn't mother already wearing her best dress…?"
Whatever Megumin was saying was muffled by her mother's hands.
"In any case, I am Yuiyui. Mother of Megumin. One who has mastered Advanced Magic. It is certainly nice to finally meet all of you."
It was a polite and normal greeting, but it was still made in the usual Crimson Demon format.
Also, and this was somewhat cruel to think so, but I thought that the name 'Yuiyui' sounded like the stage name of an idol trying too hard to be cute.
Yuiyui-san looked at Darkness and bowed.
"It's an honor to be in the presence of someone of your stature, Dustiness-sama."
Darkness, switching to her Lalatina side, gently smiled and bowed her head. "No, the honor is mine. I see that Megumin got her beauty from her mother."
"And this beautiful blue hair, you must be that powerful Arch-Priest of the Axis cult, Aqua."
Aqua puffed out her chest in pride.
"Fufu. You've done your research well, Megumin's mama. Say, do you have any food in there? I smell the faint fragrance of food in the air!"
Aqua was being callous as usual, but Yuiyui-san didn't seem to mind.
"Of course! I just prepared cooking my world famous rice gruel and slightly salted bean sprouts!"
So the existence of rice gruel and bean sprouts was not an exaggerated lie made by Megumin.
Just how poor was this family?
As I was considering how much money to give to this family that obviously very desperately needed it, Yuiyui-san glanced at Rain, and looked at her as if she was trying to decipher a puzzle.
"Um...I'm terribly sorry, but you are...?"
"Ah. No. I'm not anyone particularly famous and important. I'm just, uh, escorting this party."
"I...I see..."
This unexpected bout of self-deprecation came from Rain.
Lastly, Yuiyui-san regarded me.
"And of course, there is Satou-san. My daughter has told me a lot about you."
I looked at Megumin, who shrugged. "I write letters home about our adventures," she explained. "I happened to mention you a few times."
"Fufu. My dear daughter, you won't get anywhere if you're this shy. Satou-san, you must know that, recently, I received a ten page report from my daughter about you..."
"OK. Let's not get ahead of ourselves here," Megumin said. "You're the one who asked me to write more about Kazuma, mother. In fact, you kind of freaked me out because I thought you were developing a crush on Kazuma, with how often you insisted I write about him."
"Oh my, what a thing to say! I do have quite a bit of interest in Satou-san, but not in any strange way," Yuiyui-san said. "I am your mother, after all. Of course I'd be interested about the men in your life."
"'Men in my life', huh?"
Megumin gave me a look of 'I knew this was going to happen'.
Yuiyui-san then said, "Ah, where are my manners. Everyone, please come in. I'm sure that you are all hungry."
As I filed in with the others, Yuiyui-san held me gently by the arm, and pulled me to the side.
"Uh, can I help you?" I asked.
I was already getting a dangerous feeling from this woman.
"Oh, please relax. I have a question for you, that's all."
Danger, danger, danger.
This word kept ringing in my head.
I looked to Megumin for help but she was avoiding my gaze.
I have been abandoned.
Yuiyui-san leaned closer to me, conspiratorially, and said,
"So, Satou-san, I would like to know, when do you intend to marry my daughter?"
Chapter 6 END
Next Chapter: Devil's Vengeance on this Awful Village!