Chapter 13: Gifting These Delinquents with Guidance!
Part 1
So…
Eris-sama was…
And Chris was…
I looked at Eris-sama's breasts.
They looked as big as Darkness's.
And then I looked at my hand, which had briefly touched Chris's comparably lacking chest during our 'struggle'.
In comparison to what I saw and what I had felt…
"I see. So they were padded after all."
Aqua nodded. "I told you."
"T-That's not it at all?! I do have big breasts, at least, when I am in my goddess form! I make my breasts smaller when I take the form of 'Chris', that's all! After all, big breasts are inconvenient in all sorts of ways, and the Thief class relies on maneuverability, foremost, which means that big breasts are…!"
Eris-sama went on a passionate speech while saying 'big breasts' over and over.
She realized this mid-way through and sighed.
"…Typical Kazuma-san, somehow finding a way to make me say such filthy things."
"No, no, I'm not so masterful at manipulation that I can make you say such things without your own volition. Please don't overstate my unscrupulous side."
When Eris-sama had mentioned before that she often snuck away to this world to play, I didn't realize that she interacted this closely with the world.
At most, I thought that she was merely observing the activities of her followers from a distance.
And to think that someone so close to us turned out to be a goddess in disguise the whole time?!
Not to mention that when Darkness had been praying for a friend, and Chris suddenly showed up…
…That was Eris-sama answering her prayers, right?
As I was considering these thoughts, Aqua was still looking at Eris-sama with some scrutiny, surveying her from different angles as if she might catch a weak spot in a well-crafted illusion.
"I don't get it. Why would that stickler for rules Kouhai of mine so blatantly break the rules set for us goddesses, and sneak away to this world while flaunting around such an elaborate physical avatar? And what's worse, you even resorted to criminal activities?! And after all those times you reprimanded me when I still had my position in heaven…hmph! What do you have to say to that, you hypocrite?!"
I expected Eris-sama to respond in her usual meek way, but…
"Hah?! The Senpai who stubbornly insisted in lingering here in this world even after her purpose in staying had long expired, is willing to call me a hypocrite?!"
"T-This and that are two different things! As I have done a great deed such as defeating the Devil King, I should be allowed to do whatever I want! I'm such a big deal that the higher ups were begging me to come back to heaven, even bribing me with promises of promotions and such!"
She was acting like she had any meaningful part in defeating the Devil King.
"The higher ups were only begging you to come back because we, the colleagues you have abandoned, are swamped with work! And whenever one of your followers ascends to us in spirit, they always make a fuss about wanting to see you, and only you, while refusing service from any other goddess!"
Aqua crossed her arms and puffed out her chest in pride. "Hmph! It's good to see that my followers are as passionate as ever, even in death."
"That's not something to be proud about! Do something about your maniacal followers already! They are the scourge of this land!"
"Hah?! Why, you…! Just because you have mainstream appeal with that cutesy act of yours, you think that you're somehow superior to me?! Don't forget that I'm still your Senpai!"
"If you're really my Senpai, then start acting like it!"
Just as these two goddesses were seemingly about to maul each other, I came in between them.
"Ladies, ladies. Let's not fight here. And Eris-sama, you might want to revert back to your 'Chris' form unless you intend to reveal your true identity to the others."
Eris-sama looked at me, then relented in her near assault against Aqua. She took a deep breath before light shone around her again.
After the light cleared, we were once again face to face with Chris.
Aqua and I couldn't help but observe her shrunken chest.
"D-Don't say it!"
Part 2
"Artifacts? You mean those things we give away to the reincarnated souls so they can have an advantaging in fighting the Devil King?"
After we settled down, we had Chris give us an explanation for why she engaged in those criminal activities in the capital.
Instead of directly addressing the issue, though, she started talking about these artifacts.
"Yes, Senpai. Although we offer talents and special powers as well, we also offer the reincarnated souls the choice of a powerful item. Most of the time, this takes the form of a weapon of some sort."
Items like the cursed sword Gram that Mitsurugi fellow wielded.
As for me, as a reincarnated hero I also had the choice between an ability and an artifact.
But, instead of those…
"Ah, this 'artifact' you're referring to," I asked. "Aqua would also be defined as one, right?"
I could tell that Chris was trying to hide her amusement. "Well, technically, yes…"
"Oi! I'm not just a mere artifact! I'm a goddess, a goddess, OK?! And even if I was an artifact, I'd obviously be the most powerful of them all! Don't you see how super useful I've been?! Kazuma could have faced death if I hadn't been around! Come on, just admit it!"
While I didn't want to admit it aloud, Aqua did have a point.
No matter how powerful you became, or what kind of broken ability or weapon you came to this world with, in the end you were still mortal.
Accidents, friendly fire, overestimating your own abilities…
There was a reason why my fellow Japanese, even with their OP cheat abilities and artifacts, couldn't manage to defeat even one of the Devil King army leaders.
As for why I was able to do it…
Well, having a goddess with unlimited healing powers by my side, things like accidents, friendly fire, and overestimating my own abilities…
I've already experienced those things, and yet I was still alive today.
I realized that there was plenty to be grateful to Aqua for, in that regard.
However…
Even with that said…
"Well, I've also faced debt because you were around, you goddess of debt!"
No matter how much Aqua managed to contribute, she had an uncanny way of neutralizing those deeds with equally detrimental actions!
I still couldn't forget that time I almost froze to death in the stables because of Aqua's idiocy!
"S-So, why did you bring up the subject of artifacts, Kouhai?"
Seeing that a change of subject would be to her advantage, Aqua inquired this of Chris.
"What do you think happens to the artifacts of those reincarnated heroes who have fallen in battle?"
"…I don't remember any retrieval protocols for the lost artifacts," Aqua said. "But its fine, since only the original owners of the artifacts can use its abilities."
"That's not completely true, Senpai," Chris said. "It is true that only the original owner of the artifact might make use of its full capabilities, but that means that anyone else can take advantage of its abilities, even if it's only to a limited extent."
Chris had given us an example of an artifact that would allow one to switch bodies with another person.
But when someone who was not the original owner used the artifact, the effects were only temporary. They had to switch out from a stolen body after a certain period of time.
"I don't get it," Aqua said. "The effect isn't permanent, right? What's so scary about that?"
"If someone were to use an item like that, even if the effects were temporary, it would be an easy task to just keep switching bodies," I said.
And by doing so, one could gain immortality by continually switching bodies over the years.
"W-What the heck?! Does a scary item like that really exist?!"
Chris smiled comfortingly as Aqua began to panic.
"Aside from stealing from the rich and giving to the poor, I also used my Chivalrous Thief persona as a means to retrieve these artifacts from people who've somehow gotten their hands on them. And most of the time, those who have the means and resources to do so are the high-ranking nobles in the capital, who wish to use these artifacts to quickly gain power and prestige."
"So that's your justification for cosplaying as some vigilante and role playing as a 'Chivalrous Thief', huh?" Aqua said.
"I-I wasn't cosplaying or roleplaying! I mean, I was wearing an outfit that I found to be a bit cool, and I was somewhat happy to act like an ally of justice, but…"
I held up a hand. "OK, OK. Let's let Chris off the hook about her cosplaying habits, Aqua. I'm sure that we all have our unusual fascinations. Let's get back to the important matter of these artifacts…"
"…I can't tell whose side you're on, Kazuma-kun."
Aqua soon stopped teasing Chris for breaking the rules after Chris revealed that it was essentially Aqua's fault, as the one who was in charge of distributing these items, that all these dangerous abilities were so readily available to those who intended to use them for evil means.
"Really, Senpai was nonchalantly giving them out without thinking about the consequences! It was Senpai's job to determine whether an ability or item could have negative effects on this world, in case it fell to the wrong hands. And Senpai should have evaluated those souls more carefully before letting them reincarnate into this world with those dangerous items. Some of the reincarnated souls turned out to be quite evil, you know?!"
"Uuuu~ Sorry. I'm really sorry!"
I watched as the Senpai was reprimanded by the Kouhai.
"It seems that you did have a purpose for going on that thieving spree," I said. "Although, I'm sure that Darkness would have reacted the same way even if you had good intentions in mind."
Chris hung her head. "Yeah. Senpai was right, in that regard. I should apologize to her tomorrow."
"Are you planning on revealing your true identity to Darkness?" I asked. "And will you tell her about the artifacts?"
"Do you think I should? I'd rather not, to be honest. I only involved Senpai and Kazuma-kun because I feel like you two can help me…no, actually, in Senpai's case, this is her responsibility, she should definitely help me."
"Urk!"
"So, Kazuma-kun, what do you think I should do?"
Ah.
A dialogue tree had opened up before me.
If I told Chris, 'You should definitely reveal all your secrets', well, that would be really hypocritical of me.
Even though she made some legitimate attempts, Aqua still hadn't managed to convince Darkness and Megumin that she was a real goddess (lol). And I hadn't even made a single attempt to tell them of my original heritage.
Even if our party was close, we still kept secrets from each other.
But there was nothing wrong with that, I thought.
"Friendship isn't all about revealing your deepest darkest secrets to one another," I said. "It's about trusting each other despite the fact that you can't truly know everything there is to know about another person."
"…"
"W-What?"
For some reason, both Aqua and Chris were looking at me with their mouths agape.
"Ah, I forgot. Kazuma sometimes has moments like that, doesn't he?"
"Oh, is that so, Senpai? That scared me for a moment!"
W-Was everyone's impressions of me really that bad?
Part 3
"…Chris."
"Darkness…"
It was morning.
After the commotion last night, it was a miracle that I even managed to sleep.
In my half-wake, I had almost dismissed the events of the previous night, and so I was caught a bit unprepared when I left my room, only to find myself caught in this tense confrontation between Chris and Darkness.
"Darkness, listen, I want to apologize."
"…For what?"
Chris looked to Aqua, who had seemingly come along for emotional support.
"For belittling our friendship."
Darkness's eyes widened. It seemed that Aqua was right on the mark.
For once.
"So you realized it, huh? Listen, the fact that you're the Chivalrous Thief…I'm sure you must have a good reason for doing it, so let's just leave it at that. I was just upset that…I thought that you were using our friendship as a means to have political amnesty, of some sort."
"No way! Really, how could you even think that way, Darkness?"
"I know. It may seem silly. But I'm still new to having friends, and as my first and most precious friend…I guess I'll tend to over exaggerate things like this."
"Darkness, you're so silly!"
As they both laughed and shared this heartwarming moment, the rest of us were standing around them.
Well, it was good that they reconciled and all.
"Ahem."
I coughed politely, but they were still laughing and chatting away.
I noticed that Megumin was also fidgeting beside me as she looked for a way to get around these two.
They were blocking the way to the bathrooms…
During breakfast, where the usual flow of conversation was usually dictated by an energetic Megumin and Aqua, provided the latter was not incapacitated by a hangover, in this instance, Chris and Darkness dominated the conversation as they flaunted their newly rejuvenated friendship.
Inside jokes that we didn't really understand.
References to previous escapades we could only guess the context to.
"…"
We three, the third wheelers, shared a look of disgust.
This happy couple should just blow up!
After breakfast, Chris and Darkness started talking about plans to visit old friends, and maybe have lunch at a restaurant.
"That seems like a good idea," Aqua said. "Well, let's go!"
Chris and Darkness exchanged looks.
"A-Actually, we were sort of hoping to keep this between us…ah, but if Aqua and the others want to come along, then that's OK, too!"
Darkness said this with an innocent look that didn't seem to hold any intentional malice.
"Ah! I just remembered that, uh, Kazuma and I had to do that thing!" Aqua exclaimed.
Not wanting to play the third wheel any longer, Aqua suddenly announced a supposed appointment she had with me.
"Oh, yeah! There's that, isn't it? I can't believe that I almost forgot about that!"
Megumin soon chimed in, talking up this 'that' that I had no idea about.
Darkness didn't even seem to care. "OK! Well, Chris, let's get going, then!"
"Right behind you! Let's go to the usual place!"
Laughing as they left, the three of us were left staring at our empty plates.
Megumin coughed awkwardly, before taking a sip of her coffee.
"Why does it feel like we've been ditched?" Aqua said.
"Because we were," Megumin said.
"…"
And so, us third wheels made our own plans to wander the city.
But it wasn't like we were tourists, we couldn't think of anything fun to do in this familiar town.
We could go to the guild, but it was still too early for lunch.
And nobody would drink at this early hour.
…Well, Aqua might disagree on that one.
As we were about to leave the mansion, I noticed that there were a bunch of people gathered around our front gates.
"Who are those people?" Megumin asked, noticing the crowd as well.
They didn't seem like they were from Axel, as their outfits didn't adhere to the fashion sense of this region.
"Maybe they're just curious tourists?" Aqua said. "We are, like, super famous now, after all!"
That was probably the case.
We didn't really feel like dealing with them. We snuck away using a rarely used back entrance.
After taking a longer route than usual, we merged into the main streets of Axel.
"It doesn't feel too good, being ditched," Aqua said, returning to the topic that was the current source of our grievance. "But as long as us three stick around then it's not so…eh?"
She turned around to regard us, but she abruptly stopped walking.
Megumin and I stopped us well.
"Eh? What's wrong, Aqua?" Megumin asked.
"…Why does it feel like Kazuma and Megumin are intentionally walking slower than me? I-In fact, if I didn't turn around and notice it, there would have been a considerable distance between me and you two already?! T-There's no way that Megumin and Kazuma could be trying to ditch me, right?!"
Megumin and I looked at each other in genuine surprise.
Although we didn't intend to, our bodies had been unconsciously attempting to ditch Aqua!
But why were we trying to ditch her?
No, come to think of it, there was the matter of our delayed 'rendezvous' last night…
Yes, there was that matter to settle.
My curiosity was reinstated.
However, ditching Aqua right now would be too cruel.
Even though I was very interested in what Megumin wanted to talk to me about, last night…
"T-There's no way that we would ditch Aqua, right, Kazuma?"
Megumin laughed weakly while joining her pointer fingers together.
"Uh, yeah, there's no way that I wanted to ditch the third wheel Aqua just because I have unresolved matters with Megumin. Nope, that's not what's happening at all."
Megumin elbowed me on the stomach for my lack of subtlety.
"...If you guys want to ditch me, then just be honest about it. I can go do my own thing."
Hearing such sincere words from Aqua, there was no way we could ditch her while maintaining a good conscience.
"Oh, really? Thanks for being considerate, Aqua. Now, Megumin, why don't we find a nice shade to sit under and we can talk about all sorts of things…"
Fufu.
Was I ever one to care about having a good conscience?
I was elbowed on the stomach once more.
"Kazuma is just joking, Aqua! And it's not a very funny joke, either! Come on, let's go to Wiz's store! Aqua often visits Wiz during work hours while acting like an uncontrollable disturbance, right? Come on, let's go!"
If Aqua recognized that blatant insult from Megumin, she didn't show signs of it.
As Aqua walked ahead of us, Megumin gave me a look that seemed to chastise me for my impatience.
I was indeed acting rather unreasonable, wasn't I?
There were plenty of chances to speak to Megumin alone later, yet I felt something akin to exasperation at not being able to do so at that very moment.
We soon arrived at Wiz's store.
"Welcome, welcome all! Please form an orderly line for these wonderful products developed by none other than the hero Satou Kazuma! If thou are here for the limited edition Vanir mask, moi is sorry to say this, but this popular item is out of stock! Though, if sales increase for this month, moi might consider manufacturing another batch! Moi-hahahaha!"
An unusual sight.
Not only were there actual, paying customers in Wiz's store, but there was even an active traffic directed towards it.
My collaboration with Vanir had reached a higher state of success than I anticipated.
Well, of course, Vanir was taking advantage of my now famous name to promote the products I helped develop.
I would call him sneaky if doing such things were not already a common marketing practice.
I noticed that there were some in the line who made a commotion once they saw us.
They didn't seem like locals of Axel.
Anyone from Axel, who personally witnessed our tribulations as rookie adventurers who struggled against Giant Toads, would have never been as starstruck and awed as these people were.
Like with those strangely dressed people who gathered around our mansion earlier, there seemed to be a lot of outsiders in Axel recently…
Aqua skipped the line and headed towards Vanir.
Vanir's jovial salesman countenance considerably shifted into one of profound distaste as he sensed Aqua's approach.
"…If thou are here to meddle with moi's affairs, moi implores thee to schedule the regularly appointed nuisance for another time. Today is an important milestone for what was once a failure of an establishment ran by an incompetent shop keeper."
I never thought that I would see the day when Vanir would act so passively towards anyone, less of all, Aqua.
"Hmph! Worry not! I only came here for some tea! But if you really want me to go…what do you say about paying a 'protection fee'?"
Aqua suddenly decided to deploy some yakuza tactics.
Giving up on the futile effort of reasoning with Aqua, Vanir turned to me.
"Ah, greetings, boy who is wary about his growing consideration towards the crazy girl with screws loose, who in turn is growing aware of the rapidly changing dynamic between thee, and is eagerly anticipating further advancement. Did thou come here to collect the money moi owes thee from those intellectual rights? Come this way, please."
"Oi, don't think that I'd be distracted by the sudden subject change to money, and overlook the first half of what you said!"
"What exactly am I 'eagerly anticipating', huh?!"
Beside me, Megumin was also growing increasingly flustered.
We both glanced at each other, but immediately broke eye contact once it had been made.
"…Hm, moi thoroughly enjoyed the meal of shame and lust that moi has tasted from the boy and that depraved Crusader girl, but this tender atmosphere is too sweet for a devil who relishes in negative emotions. In fact, this is very unappetizing. Boy, go talk to the inept shop owner about the money. Moi no longer has any desire in provoking, I mean, interacting with thou."
After Vanir dismissed us, Aqua looked at Megumin and me. Her gaze alternated between us.
"I didn't really get what that devil was saying, but Megumin and Kazuma has indeed been acting quite strangely. I've noticed that it's been this way for quite a while now, ever since our visit to the home of the Crimson Demons…"
Damn this goddess and her inconvenient moments of acute intuition.
"I-It's just your imagination. Ah, look, it's Wiz! We haven't seen her in a while, let's go say hi!"
Megumin clumsily attempted to change the subject.
And Aqua easily fell for it.
She headed towards Wiz.
Wiz looked up from her work. "Ah, Aqua-sama!"
But what seemed like the start of a pleasant reunion was…
"Hmph! This Lich who is nothing but an undead is smiling so contentedly just because she came across some financial success, huh?! Undead like you who don't know their place should be purified!"
Wiz, who had been pleasantly smiling as if she was reunited with an old friend, started paling when Aqua emitted a great deal of holy aura.
"A-Aqua-sama?! Please, not yet! Don't end my life on such an important day like this!"
"Muhahahaha! Just accept the divine retribution that awaits a sacrilegious existence such as yourself! Sacred Turn…!"
I pulled Aqua back, who I didn't trust to just be joking around with her realistic sounding threats.
"I was told that I can collect the money from you."
I just realized how I sounded like a typical yakuza there.
"Ah, yes! Of course! Thank you for patiently waiting for us to raise the funds!"
That response just added to the yakuza theme.
"I-It's no problem."
Dealing with money among friends was more awkward than I imagined.
I mean, with how rich I was, I was almost tempted to tell the poor, hardworking Wiz to just keep the money…
But my inclinations for altruism were dispelled once Wiz pulled out a large bag…
T-Three hundred million Eris.
"S-So much money!" Aqua said, with stars in her eyes.
It was too much money to be lugging around, for sure.
"…We'll have to stop by at the guild."
Part 4
The guild had a bank-like service for adventurers.
Aqua and I lifted the bag to the counter for a wide-eyed Luna to deposit.
"…I now truly comprehend the phrase 'the rich get richer'," Luna said.
As she said that, she took out a document from under the counter and handed it to me.
I balked at the amount of Eris listed on that document.
"…Is this amount something I owe, or something I was given?"
Depending on the answer, I was prepared to activate a Scroll of Teleportation.
"This is the bounty reward for defeating the Devil King's daughter, as well as the high-ranking Devil King army leader, Sylvia. And the king sent additional funds for your efforts in dealing with the remaining forces of the Devil King army."
"…"
I had just become absurdly rich.
Like, even more absurdly rich.
This money could pay through several lifetimes just from the interest alone.
Beside me, Aqua and Megumin were speechless as well.
Even that Aqua, who was the most obsessed with material wealth, was cowed into silence.
"H-Hey, why don't we go on quest?"
This suggestion came from me.
Luna-san seemed surprised. "E-Even though I was trying to convince you to do some quests once in a while, um…"
Even Luna-san was intimidated by the sheer amount of money that had been transferred to me.
I put my hands on my head as I took deep breaths. "No, if I don't do something that reminds me of my roots as an adventurer, I feel like I will lose my grasp on my identity…I would even go so far as to say that I will lose an important part of what it means to be human."
This much wealth could change a person.
It could make you lose perspective if you weren't careful…
"Well, as for quests, um…oh, this seems to be a good one, in fact, it seems like it's a task that's best suited for Kazuma-san as you are now."
As I was now?
Luna-san said,
"Well, rather than a traditional quest, this would be considered along the lines of 'community service'. You see, the police force is starting an initiative to rehabilitate some of the delinquents in this town. And they concluded that the best way to do so is to get them proper work, something to strive for."
And so, the police brilliantly thought, why not make these delinquents become adventurers?
It would be a service to the city and also, to the delinquents themselves.
It was perfect in theory.
In theory.
I raised my hand and then gestured it to a certain blonde adventurer who was getting dead drunk in the morning.
An example of a delinquent who somehow became an adventurer.
I said,
"Um, I think the police has the wrong idea about adventurers. Rather, they are too naive. Giving a bunch of delinquents potentially destructive abilities would just enable them to cause actual harm rather than whatever mischief they're up to, now."
Right on cue, Dust took out his sword and started swinging it around during his drunken rampage.
"And that's where you come in, Kazuma-san. The hero of this land, the admirable Satou Kazuma-sama! The delinquents don't respect authority, but they'll certainly listen to a hero like you! Well, that's the image I want you to try to convey. Hopefully, the delinquents will fall for it."
'Fall for it', huh?
The plan was to have me become a role model for these delinquents, as I guide them in the ways of becoming an adventurer.
Community service, indeed.
"I think that this will be fun, Kazuma," Megumin said. "And we were also rookie adventurers once. We relied on the guidance of our Senpai's, too."
"And if I use my awesome buffs on them, then these delinquents will level up in no time!" Aqua said.
These two were already fired up.
Then again, having people call me Senpai or even Sensei didn't seem so bad…
And Aqua was right. There were ways to have these delinquents level up quickly. This didn't need to be a long term commitment on our part.
And so, we accepted this 'quest'.
Part 5
"Hm? Where's Sena-san?"
I expected the familiar prosecutor to be the one briefing us for this quest, but instead it was some random officer who greeted us with tea when we were ushered into the same office where I was interrogated.
I looked warily at that magical bell that was conspicuously displayed on top of a desk.
"…Sena-san works for the capital. She only stayed here for so long because of a certain somebody."
This background character was getting sassy with me.
"Never mind that, just bring in the delinquents already!"
The officer stood and was about to open the door.
"Wait, are they outside? And you're just going to let them in like that?! How boring! Have them pose for us in that room where you take mug shots!"
Megumin said this passionately.
"They're not criminals, OK?! At least, not yet! There's no need for mug shots if you can properly rehabilitate them! Anyways, I'm letting them in."
The delinquents piled in one by the one.
"Oi, who are these fools, huh?!"
"I thought that they'd be tough, but is that all you got?!"
This clichéd dialogue was not provided by the delinquents, but by Megumin and Aqua.
Well, these guys certainly looked like delinquents.
But by the way they handled themselves, there wasn't any swagger or bad attitude.
In fact, they were fidgeting and looking at the ground.
There were five of them in total and when they all finally entered the room, they stood in a line and then proceeded to bow.
"Aniki!"
They cried this in a chorus.
Eh?
Aniki?
The officer scratched his chin. "Ah, you see, they all seem to admire Kazuma-san."
"Aniki! I admire you very much! To think that a fellow lazy, unmotivated, scum of the earth delinquent would go on to become such an important person!"
"Yes, Aniki! Even though you are known as the scummiest person in all of Axel, and that there was a time when the female adventurers were close to filing a class-action lawsuit against you for your ceaseless sexual harassment and obscene conduct, you've managed to become the hero of this land!"
"Aniki!"
"Aniki!"
These guys crowded around me as they exclaimed their admiration.
At least, it seemed like admiration.
Wait, one of them mentioned something important about 'lawsuits'…
"Well, I leave them to your care," the officer said.
We were ushered out of the police station with much haste.
I was somewhat inspired by Luna-san's speech about 'rehabilitation', but it just seemed like the police were just pushing their problems onto me.
The delinquents were silent as they looked at me with expectation.
I turned to Megumin and Aqua for help.
"…For now I guess we should go to the Adventurer's Guild and get these guys registered," Megumin said.
As we headed towards the guild, I engaged in some small talk with these delinquents.
"Um, so, why did you all become delinquents in the first place?" I asked.
"…"
What a stupid question!
Asking a question like that, as if I was casually asking someone why they chose a particular major in college!
"Um, it's not like we chose to become delinquents. But there was nothing to do and everything was just so boring."
The rest of them nodded along.
"Yeah. We didn't choose the delinquent life. The delinquent life chose us."
Luna-san said that these guys just needed direction…
When I looked back at my NEET days, until I came to this world and was assigned with the goal to defeat the devil king, I was a lot like these guys.
Becoming a burden to my family, being looked down on by society…
"…!"
For some reason, I suddenly felt motivated!
"Yosh! I get it! Just leave it to Aniki! I'll make sure to set you guys to the right path!"
"Aniki!"
"Aniki! You're the greatest!"
As I embraced my brethren, I felt the eyes of Megumin and Aqua on me.
I turned around and they were looking at us with looks of disgust.
"Is this what they call 'BL?'?" Aqua said.
"What's disgusting is how they keep calling him Aniki this and Aniki that," Megumin said.
No, wait, they were misunderstanding something.
Part 6
At the guild, I had the delinquents register as adventurers.
Of course, I paid the fee for them.
"…Um, it seems that none of you have any notable strengths," Luna-san said. "In fact, some of you are below average across the board."
They were given this cruel evaluation.
"Hm, this is a fatal flaw in our plan. Some people just don't have the natural aptitude to become adventurers," Luna-san said.
"You said something like that regarding me, once upon a time, but look how well I turned out," I said.
"I see! If we give them the same class as Kazuma-san, then they can rely on despicable and unorthodox methods to take down their opponents like Kazuma-san does! That's a great idea!"
Hey.
What was the deal with these backhanded compliments that were sent my way recently?
"Even so," Megumin said, "what makes Kazuma effective is that his skill-set is built to complement and balance our heavily specialized party. But a party of five dudes with the Adventurer class has no chance of working out."
Well, it's not like we had a choice. These guys just had no natural aptitude.
And so they chose the Adventurer class.
With that taken care of, we moved on to an equipment store.
The delinquents weren't too strong, and they didn't have any endurance. They had to settle for light armor sets, one-handed short swords, and small shield bucklers like the one Iris used during the tournament.
"…"
Looking closely at them…
With their standard, nondescript gear, they looked like the small fry who quickly get taken out in order to hype up a new enemy.
"So, Aniki, how do we look?"
"…If you don't raise any flags by saying predictable lines like 'We can take him down if we attack together!', then you guys should be fine."
"We should come up with a name to call our new group," one of the delinquents said.
"Hm...Something intimidating…like a storm, maybe?"
"Like a storm, huh? Oh! How about something like 'Stormtroopers'?"
"I like it!"
I crossed my arms in an 'X'. "Denied! Are you that desperate to get killed or what?!"
With the matter of the gear settled, we hurried on to our next agenda.
"This should be the perfect place to grind," I said.
Axel had three dungeons. One was Keel's dungeon, which had already been thoroughly cleared by the other adventurers. Even the undead that normally weren't active were taken out by Aqua during that incident back then.
The second dungeon was an intermediate level dungeon called Marz's Dungeon, and the third was the most dangerous dungeon in Axel, barely explored by the local dungeon crawlers.
It was called Bonekeep Dungeon.
"Perfect place to…?! Why would you choose such a dangerous dungeon for these newbies, Kazuma?!" Aqua said. "Also, don't expect me to go in so willingly! I still haven't forgotten my traumatic experience from that time!"
"…I've said it before and I'll say it again. Dungeons are the worst enemy of one who has mastered the art of Explosion," Megumin said.
The delinquents were looking at the dungeon that was notorious for its difficulty. "Um, Aniki, is this really such a good idea?"
"Relax," I said. "Even if those two other liabilities don't come, I'm already a high levelled adventurer myself, you know? Most adventurers in Axel avoid this dungeon, but those who are level thirty and above should have no problems."
Plus, I made sure to prepare a supply of Scroll of Teleportation in the case that this venture should actually turn awry.
"L-Liability you say?! Hmph! I understand. A dungeon like this is no match for high levelled adventurers like us, that's what you said, right? Very well! I'm feeling pumped up now!"
As usual, Aqua was way too easy.
"Well, no matter how many times I level up, I'm still useless in a place like this," Megumin said.
No, with her increased level, she should be able to take care of any threat with just her bare hands.
After all, rather than a mage class, Megumin was much more suited for the Berserker class.
But I had a feeling she'd kill me if I said something like that.
"OK. Just stay here, then, Megumin," I said. "If we don't come out in…I don't know, about six hours, then rally the entire town to come to our rescue."
"…Wow, the entire town, huh? That's not conceited at all. And do you really expect me to wait outside for six hours?!"
"Well, at least make sure to come by and check in on us by dinner time," I said.
She smiled.
"OK. I'll cook up something and bring it to you guys later. I expect that you'll be starving by then."
I didn't even think about how hungry we'd be after our dungeoneering.
Megumin always seemed to notice small details like that…
"I see. Megumin will make a good something-or-other in the future," I said.
"What's that 'something-or-other' all about, huh?!"
Once Megumin left, Aqua and I led the nervous delinquents through the entrance of Bonekeep Dungeon.
"I-I'm sure that we'll be alright! I mean, we have Aniki guiding us!"
"Y-Yeah! With Aniki here, there's no way that we'll lose!"
"Oh, guys, by the way, did I mention that I'm thinking about proposing to my girlfriend soon?"
"Oh, really?! Congratulations!"
"…"
I was confident coming in.
I mean, I wasn't just bragging. With my level, a dungeon like this was no problem.
But these guys were setting up way too many flags!
"OK, let's go, Stormtroopers!"
"Wait, not so fast!" I said.
It was too late.
The first guy who entered stepped on a suspicious looking platform…
And then the floor opened up, revealing a pitfall!
"Ahhhhhh!"
He managed to grab on to the platform, but his grip was slipping!
As we dashed to him and attempted to pull him up, he said,
"If I don't make it out of this alive…tell my girlfriend that I…"
"No! Tell her yourself! We won't let you die, Pitt!"
Gah! One of their names was revealed!
It's over!
And it had to be such a situationally relevant name!
"Just stop acting like typical mooks if you value your life at all, OK?!"
To get them to stop triggering any more flags, I yelled this.
My cry echoed throughout the depths of the dungeon.
Part 7
"Volley! Snipe!"
Firing multiple arrows at once, I effectively crippled the legs of the Horned Goblins that ambushed us.
I sensed them coming with Detect Enemy. It was more of an ambush for them than it was for us.
With the enemy downed, the delinquents made short work in dealing the final blow.
Aqua healed those who sustained damage thus far, and re-casted her buffs all around.
With the feature of the Adventurer class which allowed one to gain EXP easily at low levels, and with the advanced power levelling regiment I put them through (while discreetly doping their drinks with an experimental EXP-Up potion), the delinquents raised ten levels in just the first two hours.
"Good job, everyone," I said. "Now, drink the 'Secret Stuff' I gave you earlier to rehydrate and we'll advance to the next level."
"Boy, I really love the taste of Aniki's 'Secret Stuff'!"
One of them poured the liquid all over his face. "Ah! How refreshing! Wait, oh, no! Aniki's 'Secret Stuff' accidentally got in my eye!"
I felt Aqua's eyes on me.
"BL, BL, BL, BL…"
She kept muttering this.
"E-Enough with that! Let's move on already!"
"Yes, Aniki!"
Advancing through the dungeon, the delinquents quickly progressed in levels and proficiency...
"Create Earth! Wind Breath!"
"Arggh!"
"OK, it's blinded!" I said. "Attack now!"
"Sneak Attack!"
The Colossal Ape was easily dispatched as the delinquents struck the powerful monster with a back attack.
"Remember," I said. "It's not all about flashy attacks. Keep it simple. Even a skill or spell that costs only 1 skill point can become dangerous if you use it creatively."
"Yes, Aniki!"
The Colossal Ape was a gatekeeper of sorts.
As for what it was guarding…
Further beyond, the last level was the Boss Room.
"This area has never been mapped out before," I said. "I suppose we can do Luna-san a favor and sketch out the dimensions for her."
The delinquents were much more confident now, and they had no trouble following me into the boss room.
"Now, as I said, this is uncharted territory," I said. "You've all done well on your own, but for now, stay behind me and Aqua."
"Yes, Aniki!"
"…I just told you not to yell, didn't I?"
With Aqua and I leading the group, we entered the last area.
"…!"
This last area was very spacious.
And…
"That's strange," I said. "There are signs of human occupation."
Extinguished lamps, clothing, gear, and pick-axes laid around…
Instead of a 'Boss Room', this place seemed like an abandoned mining operation.
"K-K-K-Kazuma, l-look at that!"
Aqua said this as she hid behind the delinquents, who had already hid themselves behind me.
I drew my partner. "W-W-W-W-W-WWhat are so scared about, Aqua? D-D-Don't be such a coward!"
"Y-You're stuttering more than me, aren't you?! And look at that, over there!"
I followed Aqua's pointer finger.
And I saw it.
Further beyond this abandoned mine, I saw silky threads that shone gold when the delinquents directed their torch light on it.
Webs. Spider webs.
And entrapped in them, filling almost every inch...
Skulls.
From humans and monsters alike, skulls were plastered on the webbing. Some of them hung from above, dangling from single threads. Some were clustered together in a cocoon.
But most of them were weaved into this collage of death.
To their credit, the delinquents didn't panic.
"We're all gonna die!"
But Aqua was not so composed.
I covered her mouth. "D-Don't panic! We'll just use our Scroll of Teleportation!"
"T-That's right! You're right Kazuma! And then afterwards, we can go to a guild and get wasted, right, right?!"
She was in hysterics.
"Yeah, just calm down. You can have all the alcohol you want later. I'm serious. We can even get a swimming pool full of liquor, then you'll dive in it."
The promise of uninhibited inebriation seemed to calm this drunkard down somewhat.
"Um, Aniki? Uh…we're trying to use the scrolls you gave us, but they don't seem to be working."
Aqua seemed to stiffen. I covered her mouth again.
"Maybe you guys are just doing it wrong. You haven't had a lot of practice using mana, anyways. Here, let me try. Um…eh?"
It really wasn't working.
Fufu. Of course it wouldn't work. If any of you were semi-competent magic users, you would have noticed the Dimensional Anchor effect on this place by now. Which means that…you will make for easy prey.
That wasn't a voice.
It was a thought that penetrated my mind…
And as such, the voice didn't have a gender, nor any distinctive cadence.
The others seemed to have 'heard' it as well.
The webs…the sheer size of them…
And what appeared to be psychic powers…
Giant spiders with telepathic abilities were monsters that could be found in sci/fi and some fantasy stories back in my home world.
Either that, or it could be a dominatrix-type, sexy spider queen…
"…Please treat me gently," I said.
…Disgusting. I can emphatically sense your erotic intentions. Although I can choose to take whatever form I want, and I usually favor my more human form, I will to revert to my more traditional shape so as to avoid the lewd gaze of this despicable man.
"Kazuma! I know that you are the type to be turned on by anything that has a pair of breasts, but now is not the time to perv out! We need to get out of here!"
"Yeah, you have a point…about how we need to run, not about the other part. Everyone, let's get out of here!"
"Yes, Aniki!"
We turned back to the entrance and started running towards it.
Did you really think that I'd let you get away that easily?!
The ground shook as the spider finally emerged from the shadows and leapt to the entrance, blocking our path.
Although I didn't have a proper sense of scale, I'd say that this spider was bigger than a one story house.
"It's huge! But we can take it down if we attack together! Storm Troopers, charge!"
"Oi, I don't care if you have a death wish, but keep me out of all the flags you're raising!"
Right now, the delinquents were all around level 15. I taught them some useful skills, but they weren't experienced enough to take on a sentient, psychic, giant spider who could apparently use magic, too.
"For now, I want you all to scatter using the Escape skill and go to the deeper areas of this mine. Aqua and I will fight the spider and create an opening. Once you see it, use it to get out of here, and then call for help."
"But Aniki, you will…!"
"Just go! Forget about me!"
Ah, what was I doing?
The mentor making a final stand to protect his students.
In anime and manga, this would be my epic final stand.
And then one of those delinquents would turn out to be some amazing person who will use my teachings for the greater good…
Wait, didn't this mean that I was just a side character?
What did my life amount to so far? Was it just the prequel to the real hero's story?
No way! If anyone was the main character, it'd be me, right?!
I mean, what was the point in me defeating all those strong enemies so far?!
"As if I'd let that happen!"
Ah.
Without knowing it, I cried out such a clichéd line.
…Hmph. Just charging in recklessly. Take this! Psy-shock!
A sharp pain in my head.
And then my mind went cold.
That was how I'd describe this state.
It wasn't as if I fell unconscious.
And my mind wasn't permanently broken.
But I just felt detached from everything.
Even as the spider shot a streak of web at me, I didn't feel like moving.
"Aniki! Watch out!"
I was pushed out of the way.
And then Aqua came running towards me.
I felt mana flood my head and then I began to emerge from the coldness.
"…Ahhhhhh!"
It was delayed, but I finally registered the fear from nearly dying.
"Why did you just charge in like that, Kazuma?! Quick, we have to rejoin the battle! The delinquents are holding on, but not for long!"
The delinquents were running around the spider using the Escape skill. They were pelting the spider with elementary-magic like Tinder. They did minimal but visible damage. The spider didn't seem to have a strong resistance to magic damage, but it wasn't weak to it, either.
It seemed to be going well, but one of the delinquents overextended in an attempt to deal point-blank damage…
"Watch out!"
It was too late.
Magic Missile!
Eight mana bolts struck the delinquent, sending him flying backwards.
Aqua and I rushed towards him.
"A-Are you OK?!"
Aqua started healing him.
"This pain…I don't think that I will live long."
No, Aqua was already healing him. The wounds were already closing rapidly.
He looked into my eyes. "Aniki, since this is my last moments in this world…I want to finally tell you…"
No, really. Aqua was good at this. There wouldn't even be a scar afterwards.
So why was this delinquent looking at me with such passionate eyes?!
"Aniki! I…I love you!"
For someone who was convinced that he was dying, this delinquent leapt forward with such force that even I, who was vastly higher levelled, was pressed down on my back.
"W-W-Wait, what the hell are you doing?!"
"Aniki…please! I beg of you…this is the wish of a dying man!"
He was starting to unbutton his trousers?!
"How could you say that when you're clearly well enough to push me down like this?! Oi, Aqua, Aqua! Get this rapist away from me!"
Aqua, however, wasn't even watching us at all.
Her attention was focused on the spider.
"Kazuma, something weird is going on with the spider! Ever since that delinquent started molesting you, the spider started acting strange!
Kuh!
'Kuh'?
Did that spider just…?
That sound that was often made by a turned on Darkness?
That 'kuh'?
H-H-H-How indecent! Doing such things in front of a dignified Mystic Spider like me…how dare you! But…with that said, since I will end up killing you all anyways, I suppose it would be alright if you continue…hehehe…
I see.
So this spider was one of those.
Aqua seemed to have caught on to this, too.
"If there's anyone else who wants to ravage their Aniki in this once in a lifetime opportunity, please feel free!" Aqua said.
This goddess was casually selling off my body!
To my surprise, even the guy who was supposed to have a girlfriend he was planning to propose to, eagerly leapt at the opportunity.
"Aniki! I've always dreamt about doing this with you!"
One of the delinquents took off his gear and shirt, revealing a tattoo of my face on his chest.
"Aniki! To think that I'd be able to do this with you outside of the succubi dream service!"
To think that my beloved Succubus Shop was being used for such a thing?!
"W-Wait!" I said. "M-My heart is not prepared! Your Aniki is meant to be kept pure! Aniki is meant to be shared with everyone!"
For some reason, I started talking about myself as if I was an idol.
As I was getting my clothes stripped by these delinquents, I felt the familiar flux of holy magic emanating from Aqua.
Pant…pant…pant…Yes! Yes! Pin him down! Don't let him escape! Now, surround him in a circle and then I want you to…kyaaaa~! I-I can't say it! How erotic! Bl, Bl, Bl, Bl, Bl…! Eh…?"
The spider seemed to have noticed Aqua powering up.
"God Blow!"
Gahhh?!
But it was already too late to block or evade.
The spider exploded into a gooey splatter on the walls.
Part 8
"I'm sorry, Aniki. I don't know what came over us."
It seemed that the spider was hypnotically controlling the delinquents.
And with the spider caught in a trance as she controlled their actions, Aqua got the chance to attack.
"No, even before all that, the first guy just assaulted me on his own volition, didn't he?!"
I pointed to the guy who had started assaulting me even before we learned of the spider's weakness to BL.
"…About that, the thought of dying without making sweet love to my beloved Aniki drove me to desperate lengths."
"…"
"Kazuma, if it weren't for his actions, we wouldn't have been able to beat that powerful monster. So why don't you just let it slide, for now?"
Aqua said this as she was in the middle of healing the giant bump on her head that I inflicted with the hilt of my partner.
Telling me to just forget about it…
How dare she trivialize my trauma like that?!
Nonetheless, for now, I accepted this lame excuse.
After all, it was my fault for bringing a bunch of beginners to dangerous, uncharted territory.
It was somewhat understandable that some of them would panic like that.
Somewhat.
"Um…Aniki, even if were hypnotically controlled, I want you to know that our feelings are real. Somewhere along the way, our admiration and respect towards you turned into feelings of love…"
Even though I was already prepared to put this incident behind me…
"Um, I don't mind if you guys admire me to that extent…but admiration and love are two separate things! How can you just casually fall in love with another guy just because you admire him, anyways?! I don't understand the reasoning behind it!"
"Aniki…it's not about our reasons or why. Love just…sort of happens. There's no meticulous formula leading up to it, or anything. If you love someone, you just do."
Such a schoolgirl-like reasoning didn't fit these delinquents at all!
But.
Somehow, I couldn't exactly see any inherent fault with that reasoning.
In fact, it got me thinking…
When we made it out of the dungeon, it was already dark outside.
"Oh, exactly six hours. A minute more and I would have rallied the entire town for a rescue party. I-I mean, that's what you asked me to do, right?"
Outside, Megumin was waiting for us while sitting on a picnic blanket. She brought Chomusuke along, and was feeding her some fish.
True to her promise, Megumin prepared food for us.
"Oh! What a feast!" Aqua said.
As we all dove for the food, starved as we were, Megumin inquired about our dungeon crawling.
I told her about our battle with the spider, while excluding all the unpleasant stuff.
"I see…Mystic Spiders are known to make their nests in caves that are abundant with Manatite ore. It is speculated that they develop their capacity for magic by nesting on large amounts of raw Manatite ore, and absorbing its potent energies. Along with Magic, they also have psychic and emphatic abilities, and more importantly, they are sentient, and some are even known to possess genius level intellect that can rival that of a Crimson Demon."
"I see," I said. "So that was a Manatite ore mine. But if Mystic Spiders are that dangerous, why were these mining operations initiated, in the first place?"
"Manatite ores are desirable not only to Mystic Spiders, but to humans as well, as raw Manatite ore can be cultivated into metals that conduct mana more effectively than even Manatite crystals. However, for the same reasons you stated, Manatite ore mining operations were discontinued a while back due to the danger presented by the nesting Mystic Spiders."
Megumin fiddled with the fabric of my newly enchanted hoodie/robes.
"Hm, isn't Kazuma's new robes made from the silk of Mystic Spider webs? Although Manatite ore mining was prohibited, there are some adventurers who have permission from the capital to hunt these dangerous Mystic Spiders for their webs, which could be made into a silk that are even more conductive than Manatite ores or Manatite crystals."
As Megumin and I talked, I couldn't help but feel the eyes of the delinquents on the two of us.
"The way Aniki is looking at that girl is…?! I see, so it's like that…"
"Even though it hurts to let him go…I guess that we have to wish those two well…"
"Aniki…!"
Megumin raised an eyebrow. "What are those guys talking about? And why do they look so…disheartened? Come to think of it, isn't Kazuma's story is full of holes? How exactly was the Mystic Spider so distracted that it didn't even sense Aqua's God Blow?"
"Ah…Ahhhh! This meat Megumin prepared is really delicious! You really will make a good something-or-other one day!"
"Again, what's the deal with that 'something-or-other'?!"
Chapter 13 END
Next Chapter: Gifting this Goddess with a Memento from the Past!