Chapter 18: Gifting this Noble Lady Past Her Prime with an Unlikely Proposal!
Part 1
"Kuh! Kazuma is dishonorable in battle! To treat a duel against a holy warrior, a crusader such as myself, in such a disrespectful manner is…!"
"What did you expect, Darkness? This is the kind of fight you get if you challenge this man."
In the backyard, equipped with our battle gear, Darkness looked at me with spite as Megumin accused me of fighting dirty while holding Chomusuke in her arms.
"Unacceptable! As if a Crusader can ever lose to someone with the weakest class—!"
"Shocking Grasp."
"Guwahhh!"
I easily sidestepped Darkness's wild swing and gripped her shoulder, sending electric magic through her armor.
As for why I was fighting this meat for brains…
It is no good for us to neglect in honing our skills, even in peacetime… We must train, everyone!
Declaring such things, Darkness forced us all to have sparring sessions.
However, Megumin was untouchable thanks to her firepower, and Aqua had absurd stats while having the ability to continuously heal herself even if you managed to damage her.
And so, the only ones who could fight on anything resembling equal footing was Darkness and me.
However…
"Tinder, Freeze."
Combining a clump of ice in one hand and the heat of 'Tinder' on the other, I created a burst of condensation similar to the 'Fog Cloud' spell Iris used to great effect during the tournament.
While she was stumbling around with her vision impaired, I took my partner with the weird name out, still sheathed, and slammed it on her wrists and knocked the great sword out of Darkness's hands.
"I'm the great Satou Kazuma who was even able to beat that Prince Jatis in a straight up duel, you know? Why can't Darkness just accept that compared to everyone else, she's the weakest one in the party."
"Oi, Kazuma, that's really too much. You'll make her cry."
"You bastard! I'll kill you!"
Even as Megumin admonished me for treating Darkness roughly, far from crying, Darkness lunged at me even with her weapon disarmed!
This workhorse with endless stamina discarded her weapon and came flying at me with her fists!
"Gah! A Darkness who relies on brute strength alone is unstoppable! Bind!"
Not leaving anything up to chance, I threw a rope that was bundled and dangling from my belt and activated the 'Bind' skill I learned from Chris.
"No… No fair!"
Darkness, who skidded on the ground as the rope restricted her movement, angrily complained to me.
"Just be grateful that I didn't just use that skill from the start. Really. Is it just Darkness or is everyone in the Crusader class this predictable? Even in the weird board game Aqua and Megumin often play, the Crusader class can only advance forwards and has a set of rules forbidding it to take evasive maneuvers."
Giving my scathing opinion over the stubborn class full of honor bound knights with limited abilities, I sighed and looked at the struggling Crusader pitifully.
"I'll kill you, I really will! And then I'll kill myself!"
"Finally. This wannabe knight is saying something Crusader-like. Normally at this point you'll say things like—"
"Kuh! You've defeated me, and even tied me up in such a shameful way! But, even if you do what you please with my body—you'll never take my heart!"
"—Y-Yeah, like that."
Taking the words right out of my mouth, I was dumbfounded in the face of this pervert with strange tastes.
"If you two are done fooling around now, please come inside. Lunch is ready."
The one in charge of cooking today's lunch, Aqua, peeked out of the door leading into the backyard and called us inside.
"Hm? Wait, Darkness can't go in if she's tied up like that."
Megumin said this as she looked at Darkness, who was writhing on the ground struggling against her bindings with a creepy smile on her face.
"No—it's fine. This is my punishment for being such a useless Crusader. Please leave me here—with my face pressed up against the cold, filthy ground. Heh."
"Just leave her there, Megumin. It seems that she wants to make friends with the ground-pixies that have moved in recently."
As Megumin and I went inside, we heard a knock from the front door of the mansion.
Aqua, who was holding a huge, steaming pot stopped in her path to the dining room and looked towards the door.
I could see the internal workings of her mind from the conflicted gestures that played on her face, she couldn't decide whether to finish her current task or answer the door.
Deciding to give this simple minded goddess whose mental capacities short-circuited over the smallest things, I answered the door myself.
"Ah, Satou-sama. It's been a while."
At the other side of the door was a familiar face, a mage who acted as Iris's tutor and bodyguard.
The mage of the royal court who accompanied us during that incident in the home of the Crimson Demons, Rain.
Part 2
"Please excuse our mediocre tea and hospitality."
"Ah, thank you—wait, isn't this just hot water?"
Drinking the purified water Aqua gave her, Rain looked at the one who served her this sham of a tea as if having trouble deciding whether she should be offended or dumbfounded.
"So, what brings Rain-san here?"
Megumin asked Rain, who placed the 'tea' down on the coffee table after only one disappointing sip.
"Well—actually, where is Dustiness-sama?"
She glanced around for Darkness who was currently in the backyard kissing the ground while tied up.
"She's occupied right now. Why, what business do you have with her?"
Rain took out an envelope and placed it down on the table, next to the tea cup she gave up on.
On an envelope with a surface rough to the touch from carved in floral designs, inscripted in lavender cursive were the words 'to Dustiness Ford Lalatina-sama'.
Having had a bad time with letters recently from that whole meaningless 'League of Justice' incident, I stared at this envelope suspiciously.
"This business only concerns Dustiness-sama, however, I know myself how tight-knit Kazuma-sama's party is, so I will tell you—the king has expressed an interest in an arranged marriage with Dustiness-sama."
After Rain said this we looked at each other in turn.
"I thought that the king was a serious kind of character but he has his deficits too, huh?"
"I guess even the king was seduced by the slutty body of that Ero-ness, huh?"
"I always thought that getting hitched will fix some of that girl's craziness. This will be good for that Depraved-tina."
Rain waved her hands around as we talked ill not only about Darkness, but the king of this country.
"No, no! Although the king is the one who suggested this proposal, he is not the one arranged to marry Dustiness-sama! In fact, he has resolved not to marry anyone after the late queen's death… It's the prince, obviously, the one arranged to marry Dustiness-sama is the prince! Prince Jatis!"
Prince Jatis? That loli-con, sis-con pervert who went so far as to throw away his reputation and risk assassination from his own father, just so he could marry his own blood-related little sister?
"Logistically, such a match-up of some of the two most depraved, perverted people in this nation is actually a perfect fit, isn't it?"
"Yes… In terms of those who fit well with Darkness, you'd put people like Scum-zuma, the perverted prince, that masked devil, the blond delinquent adventurer who often spends time in prison due to misdemeanors, and that Alderp who suddenly disappeared all of a sudden, right?"
Megumin and Aqua discussed those who were a perfect match for Darkness and somehow my name was included among those weird people.
Seemingly uncomfortable about how we kept badmouthing Darkness, Rain squirmed in her seat.
"In any case, if Dustiness-sama is not here, then I will return to my hotel and come back when she returns…"
"Rain is not a stranger. We have plenty of room here. Why don't you stay?"
Rain was surprised as Megumin casually offered her an invitation.
"Ah, but you can't have kouhai's room! There's no real reason why I said that, by the way."
Aqua said such tsundere lines even though that character trait really didn't suit her.
As Rain considered whether she should accept Megumin's invitation, a groaning sound came from behind us.
"Hah…guh…ugh…you all…just left me there, huh? How heartless! Thank you very much!"
Rolling her way over to us, still tied up, was a panting and filthy Darkness.
"D-Dustiness-sama?!"
Rain cried out as she suddenly stood upon seeing Darkness's unruly state.
"Steal!"
"Ah!"
From the rapidity in which Rain stood, the movement almost caused the teacup that she placed on the table to spill its contents all over the letter.
But, at the last second, I used 'Steal' on the letter, saving it from the quickly pooling water.
"From the way it usually goes, I'm surprised Kazuma didn't accidentally steal this child's panties."
Aqua provided this unnecessary remark.
"E-Eh? Rain-san?"
Darkness froze in her attempts of rolling towards us when she saw the perturbed Rain.
"A-Ah, Dustiness-sama. I see that you are indeed quite preoccupied…"
Rain glanced between Darkness and me while blushing.
"Oi, I don't like the way you were looking at us."
"I feel like you're getting the wrong idea."
Darkness and I said this to Rain who was looking at us timidly.
"Well, there was that incident in the capital. Even now, people are still talking about it…"
Ah. The 'wetting' incident that branded Darkness and I as some kind of hardcore exhibitionists. How nostalgic.
I thought that all talk about that infamous incident would evaporate from public attention after some time, especially when preceding the much more sensational outcome of the tournament.
However, it seems that after the hype of the tournament, the people started talking about that 'wetting' incident once again.
"Right now, the people's gossip these days revolve around Lord Alderp who mysteriously disappeared, the deeds of the Chivalrous Thief who continues to rob the homes of corrupt nobles, and also, rumors about Dustiness-sama who is still not married even as she's nearing the age of ineligibility…"
"What age of ineligibility?! I haven't even reached my prime yet!"
Darkness rebutted Rain's words, but when it comes to the tradition of nobles who marry at a young age, some as young as Megumin was when I met her, Darkness, who was nearing the age when she would be officially two decades old, was already being called words like 'ineligible' and 'spinster'.
"Damn them! Damn them! I can't believe this… I haven't expired yet! You can't eat a banana and throw the peel away… A noble lady is not a fruit! And someone can slip on the peel!"
Darkness wept into the carpet as Rain told her about the gossip going around about her in the capital.
"Nobles sure have it tough. Most of them never marry out of love or attraction, but for political gain or other such reasons instead."
Megumin said this as she leant down and patted the shoulder of the weeping Darkness.
"Megumin is really terrible at consoling people!"
"Eh?!"
Ignoring those two, I looked at the letter in my hands.
"Satou-sama! That letter is for Dustiness-sama's eyes only!"
Rain said as I ripped the letter open.
Ignoring Rain's words, I read the letter.
"Hm, this looks pretty official. Not like the love letter I was expecting. Nobles and royalty really don't waste time with romance, huh? The usual poetic clichés like 'your eyes are like the stars in the sky' are replaced with phrases like 'in the case of adulterous affairs, the above stipulations will take effect while considering separate agreements formed in the official records of alimony'…"
I said when I finished reading the proposal letter that read more like divorce papers.
"Wait… If Darkness marries the prince who is next in line to the throne… She will become the next Queen of this nation, won't she…?"
Aqua said something that we all overlooked.
We all looked towards Darkness who was still struggling against the rope.
Her body was covered in filth and her bodysuit under the armor was ripped and torn in a very erotic way.
"W-What?"
She said to us who looked at her doubtfully.
"Is this really OK?"
"What will happen to this nation that will be ruled by a siscon pervert and a hardcore 'M'?"
"We should prepare passports and make plans about moving to the neighboring nation of Elroad."
"?!"
Part 3
Despite Megumin's invitation, Rain chose to stay at a hotel as the room had already been paid for.
"Well then… My role is only the messenger. If Dustiness-sama would like to discuss this matter further, please tell me and I will teleport all of us to the capital."
Perhaps in consideration to Darkness who was a hero of this nation, the king didn't just outright demand an audience with her.
After Rain left, the four of us sat around in the living room with grave faces...
"Will we move in with Darkness in the castle when she sells her body off to that perverted prince? That doesn't seem so bad."
...Except for Aqua, it seems.
"What is Aqua saying?!"
Darkness slammed her hand on the table at Aqua's words.
"I… I used 'Sacred Break Spell' on those tough ropes, so Darkness better not attack me!"
While those two fought, Megumin looked at me with some concern.
"If Darkness gets married… What will happen to the four of us?"
Aqua and Darkness halted in their squabble while I was forced to regard Megumin seriously.
The four of us…
Certainly, if Darkness were to marry, she wouldn't have much, or any time, to spend with us.
Forget going on adventures and trips, even times when we can gather around the living room like this would become scarce.
And it'd be even worse when Darkness starts building a family…
"That's… That's not fair! I've already declined offers from my superiors in heaven of promotions and rewards so I could stay here and play with you guys, but Darkness is already leaving so soon?!"
Aqua cried out as she rushed over to Darkness and pulled on her collar.
"Why is Aqua attacking me?!"
The rest of the day was spent in awkward silence. Aqua went out to bother Wiz and Vanir, Darkness went to the Dustiness estate to discuss the marriage matter with her father, who was informed about the news as well. Only Megumin and I were left in the living room.
"Things got serious all of a sudden. What's up with this tonal shift?"
Megumin said as she weakly smiled at me.
"I've been throwing words like 'marriage' around with Megumin, but it's actually really serious business, huh?"
"It's concerning that you've just begun to realize this."
Megumin was lying down on the couch while reading a paperback novel. I was sipping on wine and eating some snacks while I absentmindedly browsed that day's paper.
"I figure that it's unlikely for Darkness's father to reject this proposal. I mean, Darkness will effectively become a queen… An actual queen. Well, after the king either perishes or steps down from the throne…"
"Mn."
"And for the king to make this choice… Darkness is the next best thing to having Kazuma marry Iris, in terms of a political and optical sense, wouldn't you say? Darkness is also one of the heroes who defeated the Devil King, and is actually of noble lineage, and not just any noble family, she is from the reputed Dustiness clan…"
"Mn."
"And I suppose with the gossip going on about Darkness, and how the people's approval of the prince plummeted after his siscon tendencies were revealed, the prospect of marriage between the two will erase those scandalous events from the minds and most importantly, scrutiny, of the people… And, hey, is Kazuma even listening?"
Megumin lowered the paperback from her face and raised an eyebrow at me.
I gave up on reading the paper and tossed it on the table.
Looking at my face, Megumin smiled wryly.
"Ah, I should have known. Kazuma is also bothered by this. As expected of this tsundere who secretly cherishes his comrades."
"Keep up this teasing and I'll consider you a sadist."
"I'd prefer if Kazuma ceases in his habit of attaching these terrible psychological qualities to my character. Calling me a pyromaniac, a psychopath… Along with that nickname the townsfolk call me, 'Crazy explosion girl'... The only moniker I want is something like 'Demon Queen Megumin' or 'Evil God of Wanton Destruction Megumin'."
"I got it. No psychotic traits. Just plain old chuunibyou."
"No, actually, something like 'pyromaniac' and 'psychopath' does indeed seem cool..."
"Megumin is finally becoming one of those young girls who romanticizes mental illnesses and uses them to attract attention to herself, I see. Go write a blog about your 'inner demons' already, you chuuni snowflake!"
"I don't know what this 'blog' is but I have a feeling I should be offended!"
I looked at Megumin who I was steadily developing a good mood with recently.
In the event that I were to pursue a relationship with Megumin, I've thought about how the dynamics of our party would be altered by such a drastic shift in our relations.
But, with Darkness getting married, such worries didn't even seem significant.
And let's say that Darkness gets married, and then Megumin and I do end up in a relationship. Where does that leave Aqua?
Aqua who will become a third-wheel will probably go back to heaven where a promotion and some rewards would await her.
"Hm… I suppose doing something reckless like using the wish Eris-sama owes us for something like 'I wish we can stay together forever', is really not a good idea."
"And why would it be a bad idea?"
To my casual inquiry, Megumin said this in a no nonsense tone.
Megumin is the one who values camaraderie the most out of all of us.
All she wanted was to spend the days peacefully with the four of us together.
"Kazuma, I'm not going to say something irresponsible to you like 'do something about this'. Darkness is not exactly in duress here; She's not being forced to marry anyone, well, at least not directly. We can't do anything about the noble status she was born with, either. Nobles who are blessed with fortune and a comfortable life, at least in terms of material needs, have a responsibility to the people and to the customs of this land, they are upheld by different standards."
To Megumin who lived in poverty for most of her life, she made no excuses about the obligation of nobles.
Around dinner time, Aqua came back but Darkness didn't. We assumed that she was staying over at the Dustiness estate for the night, and ate dinner without her.
Part 4
"I'm going to attend the marriage meeting."
The next morning, as we were eating breakfast, Darkness slammed the front door open, made her way over to us, and announced this.
"Darkness would usually ditch all her marriage meetings. Did the promise of unconditional power and wealth change Darkness's mind?"
"No, Kazuma has no right in projecting his scummy tendencies towards me. I've had a long talk with my father, and we concluded that, as this is not an ordinary marriage meeting with any other noble, but royalty, it would be unforgivable, and a stain to the Dustiness name, not to at least accept this invitation."
Aqua washed down her mouthful of rice with tea but spat it out when she burned her tongue. After cooling off the afflicted area with a desperate gulp of cold water that Megumin gave her, Aqua said,
"So Darkness really is selling off her body for power and wealth. I must… I must tell everyone at the guild!"
Aqua rushed over to the door leading to the backyard, but, with an impressive show of speed, Darkness impeded Aqua's path, her body forming a blockade at the door.
"Don't… Aqua mustn't do that! That is… There are already rumors spreading among the nobility about the proposal… That much is inevitable as nobles have informants and eyes everywhere, but no one in Axel knows about this yet. I'd like to keep everyone from finding out as much as possible."
Aqua's usual compulsion to gossip was tranquilized by Darkness's unusual determination. She returned to her seat.
"If Darkness feels so strongly about this, then I won't say a word."
Darkness smiled gently at Aqua.
"Thank you, Aqua."
It seemed that Aqua was already placated, but she started squirming in her seat, and had a conflicted expression on her face.
Can't this nosy goddess keep a secret to herself for once?
"What is Darkness planning to do about this proposal? Surely, it won't be so difficult to turn it down."
Darkness looked at me as she took a seat next to Aqua. Megumin stood and took Darkness's favorite mug from the cupboard and filled it with coffee. Darkness thanked her and took a sip.
"To be honest, I am in a tough place. There will be a scandal if I were to reject a proposal from royalty. It will be a grave insult towards the throne."
It did seem quite insolent to do something like dump the prince of a nation. And there was already a lot of talk about Darkness abandoning her duties as a noble, rejecting offers from one house after another, and now, the prince, too.
"I'm sorry, Darkness. I want to help, but this doesn't seem like a problem that can be resolved with explosion magic."
"The problems that can be resolved with explosion magic is very limited, isn't it? Rather, please don't say such things so casually, or I might have to consider Megumin as a terrorist."
Darkness said sternly to Megumin who was casually saying dangerous things.
"I don't get it, why doesn't Kazuma just hatch up a plan like always? You're pretty quiet so far, Scum-zuma. Normally you'd be enacting some terrible scheme that will make everyone see you as a devil disguising as a human, by now."
"Why do you assume that I always have the answers to everything? And isn't it the goddess's job to offer a means out of this predicament? Come on, you goddess of disappointment and averted expectations. Why don't you embrace the usual cliché for once!"
As Aqua and I were about to go at it, Darkness chuckled as she watched us.
"Despite everything, moments like this… Eating together with everyone… I think I'll miss these small moments the most. Thank you, everyone. Although I have no shame in my birthright, and I regret nothing about being born as a noble, a watchful steward of this land… It gladdens me to know that I existed as 'Darkness', the Crusader, at least for this past year."
We were not prepared to hear such serious and profound words from Darkness. They were words of finality, but I could not sense a hint of remorse in them.
Later that day, Rain came over.
"Is everyone ready? I made sure to spend SP in upgrading the 'Teleportation' spell, and I'm wearing numerous trinkets that is rumored to improve the success rate of spells. So please rest assured that we won't traverse that awful 'Ethereal Realm' again. Probably."
Rain said as she was clad head to toe with a bunch of useless looking knickknacks and paraphernalia. She seemed to have developed a bit of a complex after multiple failures with the teleportation spell.
"Yes, we're ready."
Darkness said with a peaceful expression on her face. Beside her, Megumin and Aqua had somber and sorrowful looks.
"I see… The time has come, huh?"
"It hasn't been long… But the memories we shared with Darkness will last forever… In my heart."
"Everyone… Thank you. With those words… I can go… In peace…"
Why… Why did it seem as if we were escorting Darkness to her execution? Wasn't the mood way too tense?!
Rain noticed this as well and hurried in her preparations in a concerted effort to escape this dreary atmosphere.
"If everyone is prepared… Teleport!"
Rain said as we were teleported from Axel to the capital with this gloomy mood hanging over us.
Part 5
"Darkness, good luck. I will be at the winery if you need me."
"I heard that there will be a Mage Conference, or 'Magecon' here in the capital. I'll be there if you need me, Darkness. Good luck with the prince, or whatever."
"Ah… Ok."
The tense mood was broken immediately as those two immediately shedded their melancholy and headed to their own agendas.
It was just me, Darkness, and Rain remaining.
"Actually, I'm also interested in the 'Magecon' that Megumin-san was talking about. Um, my duty was to escort you to the capital so with that done… If you will excuse me."
Rain left and followed Megumin.
"…" x 2
Without saying another word about being ditched by everyone, Darkness and I started wordlessly walking aimlessly.
"We still have some time left before the meeting starts. Does Kazuma want to do anything before then?"
Darkness was wearing casual wear… Or at least, what would be defined as 'casual wear' by a lady of high standing. Her outfit looked to me, though, like an office lady cosplay from adult videos. Or maybe it was just that her body was so erotic that anything she wore produced that kind of 'A.V.' effect.
"Why… Why is Kazuma staring at me…?"
"N… Nothing…"
It was this Ero-ness's fault for having such a stimulating body. Certainly, it wasn't because I went out of my way to perv on anyone. It's not like I want to be turned on, especially since I always get ridiculed when I show even the slightest hint of interest.
And, furthermore, as I was already in a… 'Something' with Megumin, it felt kind of wrong, in some kind of obscure sense, to ogle another woman.
This reminded me of a forum post I read back in Japan. Some riajuu was asking for advice as he didn't know if it was wrong to get turned on by another woman when he was already in a relationship. I roasted that riajuu for making up such a stupid scenario just so he could show off about having a girlfriend, but I see now that such predicaments, unimaginable to the perpetually single, do exist!
"Kazuma? Are you sure you're OK?"
"Yes, really, I'm fine. I don't really know what to do right now, so why don't we walk around and sightsee?"
"That sounds like an excellent idea. The last time Kazuma was here, he spent all the time indoors playing with Iris."
Darkness couldn't help but make that remark.
"Speaking of Iris, I will be able to see her today, huh? Do you think she's expecting me? I wish they would have given her ample warning. I don't want her to be so overwhelmed by emotion when she's finally reunited with her beloved onii-chan. Ah, I'm getting embarrassed just thinking about it. Even though I only see Iris as a little sister, how will I respond when she tells me something like 'I like onii-chan'?"
"Kazuma really loves making up all these delusional scenarios. In what kind of fantastical reality will a little sister type princess fall in love with Kazuma and confess to him in such a sweet way?"
"The same kind of reality where Darkness and Megumin will both fight each other for my affection, perhaps? Ah, I'm getting giddy just imagining such a wonderful harem-like scenario!"
As we were walking in the streets, some people recognized us, and some stopped to ask for handshakes or even autographs. I was reminded of the time Darkness and I walked around Alcarentia, except, in that city, when people were asking us for our signatures, it was for the purpose of recruiting us to some crazy cult.
"Kazuma, will you tell me something?"
"What is it?"
We stopped to sit at a bench. Darkness might have had unlimited stamina, but I didn't and I needed some rest.
"Say… Kazuma likes Megumin, right?"
Part 6
The streets of the capital, if not for the differences in architecture—the buildings in the capital were taller—from the bustle of street vendors and the traffic of people trying to get from place to place, were quite identical to Axel's streets in that there was a sense of ceaseless activity and a remarkable accumulation of the desire to 'do something' and 'go somewhere', sentiments that I, a NEET, just couldn't sympathize with.
And in the midst of all this activity, as people passed as by while we sat on the bench, Darkness asked me that question.
"Don't tell me... Um, despite what I said, I'm not the type to go after harems so…"
"No, it's not that! However, from what you just said, I assume that you do feel something towards Megumin, huh?"
Darkness was certainly more insightful than I initially thought. Such qualities were necessary for a noble. However, I didn't think that she'd arrive at that conclusion on her own just from observing Megumin and I...
"Did Megumin tell you anything?"
"We talked about it a little in our… 'Girls Talk'."
For some reason, she shuddered at the mention of 'Girls Talk'. Really, what was that 'Girls Talk' all about?
"I won't say anything that she told me in confidence but… Megumin really cares about you, you know?"
Darkness turned towards me and leaned closer. She looked at me with a knowing smile. She went on to say,
"And not in the same way she cares about me and Aqua either. She really cares about you."
She leaned in even closer, in a proximity that would be universally defined as intimate. I felt something soft on my arm.
"This is strange. It almost seems that Darkness is advocating for Megumin's feelings while simultaneously seducing me."
I expected her to back off, but she even placed a hand on my knee now!
This Ero-ness!
"Hm… I wonder about that. Perhaps I'm conflicted?"
Finally, she backed off a little, but her hand was still on my knee, and her fleshy thighs were rubbing against the side of mine.
"Megumin asked me something like 'do you have feelings for Kazuma'. And she was really serious about it, too. At the time, I honestly said 'no, I don't' but after she asked me that, I got to thinking. Imagining myself with Kazuma… Something like that. And I arrived to the conclusion that it wouldn't be so bad. Kazuma is the only man I've gotten close to. And Kazuma fits my preferences perfectly, too."
"Oi. I know what your preferences are like, so I am insulted by the insinuation."
"Hm, tell me something, Kazuma. Out of all of us, who values camaraderie and friendship the most?"
I immediately thought about Megumin. Darkness knew that and smiled.
"Megumin tells me lots of things, you know? About how she was before she joined our party. Penniless and having every party she joined reject her, almost coming to terms that she'd have to give up on her dreams… That's how she was, did you know that?
I've always known that Megumin didn't have an easy time before she joined our party, but to what extent, I didn't know prior to Darkness intimating this to me.
"In a way, joining this party saved her. You saved her. I mean, it's no secret. You're what holds us together, Kazuma."
How can this girl who can't take it when the adventurers from the guild tease her about her first name, have the guts to say such embarrassing things?!
"So I got to thinking, if Kazuma saved me, too, if there was a situation that necessitated it, would I have fallen in love with Kazuma, like Megumin did?"
"Eh?"
The 'L' word was casually brought up by Darkness. Her expression didn't even change at all when she said it.
"You shouldn't put words into Megumin's mouth."
"No, it's more like I'm putting her words into your deaf ears. Seriously, you couldn't tell?"
From all the vague words Megumin provided me so far, although I had my suspicions, naturally, how in the world could I arrive at such a conclusion by myself?
Prior to this, I was certain that there was at least an above moderate level of attraction developing between Megumin and I, but to go so far as to say that she loved me.
"Oh? Kazuma is happy about that, huh? Well, of course you would. Megumin is a smart, capable girl. And she's beautiful, too, with the kind of body Kazuma likes."
"No. The kind of body I like is the curvy, busty kind. Don't label me as some sort of lolicon."
"Then I should tell Megumin that Kazuma prefers my body over hers?"
"…"
Somehow, this hardcore 'M' was developing quite the sadistic streak.
"Why is Darkness telling me all of this?"
Darkness finally released her hand from my lap.
"It was more for my sake than yours, actually. Tying up all the loose ends, you know?"
She looked away from me and raised her eyes to the direction of the castle, in the distance, basked in this time by the noon glow of dark orange light.
As I was about to question her further, someone approached us.
"E… Excuse me! Are you Darkness-sama?!"
"M'lady! You… You must call her 'Dustiness-sama'! Don't be so disrespectful! We are sorry, Dustiness-sama!"
Approaching us were two people, a girl in her twenties wearing a maid uniform, and a little girl, just a bit younger than Iris, with curly, blonde hair and blue eyes. A noble, from the looks of it. She was wearing an elegant dress but she had, in a mud caked hand, a splintered and rough wooden sword that she was waving around in the air.
"No, not Dustiness-sama! It's Darkness, Darkness-sama! She's not just some boring noble like papa and mama, she's a hero, you know?! Darkness-sama, the super tough Crusader who faced off against powerful opponents! Hey, Darkness-sama, please teach me to be a strong warrior like you! I'm tired of being a noble, you know! It's so boring!"
"Ahh, m'lady! Dustiness-sama, you must forgive m'lady's insolence!"
The maid bowed and forced her young charge to do the same.
Darkness looked at these two in surprise.
"Um… Eh?"
She didn't know how to respond.
Beside her, I pointed a finger to myself.
"Um… The super cool Kazuma-san who is the leader of this Crusader's party is also here…"
The little lady looked at me for a second, nodded slightly in acknowledgement, before turning to Darkness again.
"Darkness-sama, Darkness-sama! Please teach me to be as tough as you!"
Her mouth formed into an upside down 'V' shape as she waved her little wooden sword around.
"As tough as… Well, first of all, you must be more than willing to take the hit for your important comrades. That is the first job of a Crusader. Yes… Although some Crusaders also excel in dealing damage, only true Crusaders recognize that it is defence and toughness that must surpass all…"
"So…So cool…!"
Darkness was casually making her deficiencies sound cool in front of this impressionable child.
The maid who had been attempting to hold her young charge back was also attentively listening to Darkness now with sparkles in her eyes.
"Also… Even if you are captured by the enemy, you must resolve yourself to face a certain, unspeakable fate! Indeed, it is the fate of all lady knights to endure this certain kind of tribulation! Certainly! Suffering a certain kind of…err…situation against a certain opponent…."
It seemed that Darkness was about to perv out like usual but made sure to censor most of it in consideration of the young lady.
She hasn't completely lost her mind, it seems.
"A… A certain kind of opponent…!" x 2
It seemed that those two were invested in every word that was coming out of Darkness's mouth, though.
Part 7
Waving goodbye to the young lady and her servant, who Darkness talked for half an hour or so, it was already late noon and the sun was starting to set.
"She reminds me of a child I'm taking care of. Not in terms of personality, but in appearance, at least. For some reason, I really get along with young children."
Darkness watched the young lady walking off, waving her sword at us, with a fond smile.
"A child Darkness is taking care of? Who… Who is the father? Are they properly taking responsibility?"
"That's not what I mean and you know it!"
Before Darkness could argue with me further, a chiming sound was heard.
"Oh? That's the chime of the clock tower."
A somewhat famous clock tower that rang at the end of noon.
"The meeting will start soon. We should prepare ourselves."
I detected no hint of uncertainty in Darkness's voice.
"I got distracted by all sorts of things, with all that talk about Megumin, but I meant to ask you, Darkness, what do you plan to do about this marriage proposal?"
"Maybe I did that on purpose? To distract Kazuma? The truth is… I am not certain as to how I should proceed with this proposal. My resolution stops and ends with my agreeing to come here to the capital. As for what should happen beyond that… I planned only on going along with the flow of things."
"For the stubborn Darkness whose rigid temperament is as tough as her muscles to be so wishy-washy, is really unexpected."
"Must you turn every serious situation into a joke?!"
Darkness's composure so far was the result of this complacent attitude, huh?
Something like the irrational calm that comes the night before an important exam. Telling yourself 'let tomorrow's me worry about that'. Darkness had resorted to the methods of NEET.
She really was a fake noble.
"However, what I do know, is that if I have a choice… A future where I can still carry on as Darkness, the adventurer, and have fun with everyone… I will choose such an outcome, even if I have to compromise and agree to unsavory stipulations. Heh."
She was serious at first but in the end her ignominious personality took over.
We made our way for the castle. There was still some time left to change into more appropriate formal attire.
I didn't expect much from Aqua, so I was surprised to see her at the castle before we arrived, and already dressed for the occasion. Megumin had also arrived before us. She was carrying a bag full of souvenirs from that Magecon event.
Standing slightly behind Aqua who was wearing a blue dress and her hagoromo, Megumin decided to opt out of the adventuring gear she chose to wear the last time we were invited to a formal setting with royalty. She was wearing a black evening dress and in place of her choker, she wore that ruby necklace that was enchanted to amplify magic power, which she bought back then along with the necklace she gifted me with.
We stood starting at each other, and as Megumin was about to say something, Aqua, who couldn't read the mood, stood in the way of Megumin and spun once in a dramatic twirl.
"Well? This is the beauty of a goddess. I will be troubled if Kazuma falls in love with me, so please restrain your urges. It's hard, I know, but please endure it."
"Ah… I've never seen such a waste of natural beauty in my life. Oi, since you're supposedly a goddess, why don't you perform an act of charity and give away your looks to someone with a personality that matches it!"
"Mean...! How mean! Someone with a face that is only just hovering above 'not ugly' like Kazuma doesn't have the right to say such mean things!"
Darkness was led away by a group of maids as Rain came out and greeted us. Like Aqua, Rain was wearing a blue dress.
"What… What is it?"
Aqua was staring at Rain's dress.
"…One of us has to change and let me tell you now, child, that color doesn't match your eyes at all!"
"Ehhh?!"
As Aqua forced Rain to change into a dress with a different color, I felt a tug on my sleeves.
"Kazuma should change now, too."
Megumin said with some mild amusement.
Looking at Megumin, I was reminded of what Darkness said.
Something about 'love'…
No, I refuse to act like the protagonists in manga and anime, blushing and stuttering.
"…"
"…Is Kazuma alright? Why aren't you responding?"
That's right. To avoid doing such embarrassing things, it's better not to speak at all.
"In any case, it's almost time, Kazuma-sama. We must hurry."
A maid-san politely said this to me.
As I was escorted by a group of maids, I found that Megumin was also trailing after us.
"Kazuma ends up looking like a wannabe butler when he wears formal wear, after all, so my judgement is obviously necessary."
'Obviously', she says.
I didn't see the harm in it, however, outside of some mild embarrassment from my part. It was a bit awkward to have Megumin follow me into the changing room, but as she was just waiting by the doorway, I didn't refuse her presence.
I walked into a stall and closed it. I brought with me some blazers the maids picked out, needing to be inspected and approved by Megumin, of course, with me.
As I tried on the first blazer, I heard the sound of hurried footsteps.
"Hah…hah… onii-sama. I heard that onii-sama is here…!"
"Princess Iris! You mustn't walk into a changing room that a man is occupying… It is improper!"
Outside, I heard the voice of my beloved little sister, Iris.
Oh, and I guess Claire was there, too.
"Oh? If it isn't Iris. We haven't seen each other since we had that talk on our last night in the capital."
"It's…It's Megumin-san, I see."
Some…Somehow, the mood outside just turned very awkward.
"Is everything OK out there?"
I called out when it suddenly got really quiet outside.
"Onii-chan! It's me, it's Iris! Thank you for regularly sending me letters and teaching me about your country! Claire doesn't approve of my L33T speak but she's just a noob skrub LOL. Anyways, it's Lit AF to see onii-sama today! LMFAO!"
"Princess… Although you've assured me that this is the language of the elite or, as Kazuma-sama's people call it, the 'L33T', however, something about that language is very suspicious, especially since I've never heard Kazuma-sama's fellow countrymen speak that way!"
Claire often interacted with the Japanese who fought at the front lines, so she wasn't easily fooled.
In my downtime, I've been sending letters to Iris, and sometimes our conversations would involve the customs of my old country, Japan.
I've been polluting… I mean, instructing Iris about the vital elements of Japanese culture. Things like the 'absolute territory', referring to the sacred gap of exposed flesh between a mini-skirt and the hem of over-knee socks. Or the customary greeting to one who is good looking and successful in life: 'Blow up already you riajuu!'
Yes, things of this nature.
"It seems that onii-sama is changing. Onii-sama doesn't have good fashion sense so it seems that I'll have to offer my assistance. SMFH."
"Actually, Megumin-sama is already assisting us…"
One of the maids said but her voice trailed off for some reason.
"That's fine. Two heads are better than one, after all."
Megumin said to Iris. I wished that I could actually see their faces outside but from the tones of their voices, I could tell that something bad was going on!
Something like this is…
Yes, it was one of those, wasn't it?
My little sister and my—whatever Megumin is to me—had developed a bit of a rivalry, it seems.
I didn't notice it at the time, since I was caught up in the talk about Megumin, but Darkness confided something important with me, too, right? 'If you had saved me like Megumin, could I have fallen in love with Kazuma'. Something like that, right?
Right?
This is 'that' isn't it…?
Uwa… Really?
A harem like event just for me? Could this be the reward for all my hard work so far? Yes, that must be it. I was thinking that financial boons were great also, but isn't the hero supposed to be rewarded by hordes of women who are vying for his affections? That is the usual cliché with most stories, isn't it?
"Hm… Megumin-san, this blazer will go nicely with those trousers you picked out."
"Ah, yes. Good eye. Iris's irises are quite good."
"…Was that supposed to be a joke, Megumin-san?"
Unexpectedly, they seemed to be getting along out there.
So… No harem-like event is going to happen for me, huh?
"Forget the formal wear… I'll just go in my tracksuit."
"Kazuma?!"
"Onii-sama?!"
Suddenly, I lost all my motivation to try anymore.
Part 8
"Um… Why is Kazuma wearing only his tracksuit? And why are you two shivering like that?"
Darkness said to Megumin and Iris who were both shoulder-to-shoulder as they shivered from the effect of my 'Freeze'.
"Kazuma went ballistic for no reason at all and lashed out at us with ice magic."
"Onii-sama has gotten very unpredictable!"
I expected Megumin to get my hopes up like she usually did recently but even my dear little sister has adapted this blue-balling tendency. Getting my hopes up and failing to read the mood. I should have given Iris further instruction on how to properly operate in her designated 'little-sister' role.
A true little sister would obviously act enviously towards Megumin who has been actively trying to develop relations with me recently. Iris has much to learn.
"Kazuma, we are currently in the presence of nobility! Go back to the changing rooms and let the maids dress you in something appropriate for the occasion!"
"I've come to expect this kind of unusual behavior from Kazuma-san, so please don't worry, Lalatina."
Sitting at the head of a long conference table was the king. We were ushered into the same room where we discussed the specifics of the tournament, back then. Prince Jatis was already sitting at the left hand of the king and Iris took her place at the right, followed by Claire and Rain.
"Kazuma and everyone, it's nice to see you again."
Prince Jatis looked to us and offered a polite bow.
"Oi, I don't remember going on a first name basis with this perverted Prince."
"Perverted prince… I thought that we expressed a mutual desire for friendship when you left the capital, Kazuma…"
"I don't remember such a thing happening."
"Come on, it's been awhile, but surely you haven't forgotten everything! Do you need everything summarized to you, or what?! Something like a cliché flashback scene in novels to remind you of our previous interactions, is something like that necessary?!"
To the prince who was getting agitated for no reason, the king said,
"Calm down, Jatis. First of all, let's get everyone seated, shall we?"
I sat beside Iris and Megumin sat beside me. Aqua sat beside Megumin and Darkness joined this side of the table, also.
"…How come I'm alone on this side?"
Even the maids and attendants all congregated behind us at our side of the table, leaving the prince all alone.
The king sighed and rubbed his temples.
"This son of mine… This is the reason why I requested this proposal in the first place. It's no good if my heir is someone who has no talent at all in receiving the respect of the people."
"I'm right here, you know! The son who you are bad mouthing is right here beside you!"
"Something like having Kazuma-san marry Iris and then having Jatis go away somewhere… That would have been the preferable outcome."
"Stop, I beg you to stop saying such awful things!"
The prince had developed quite a bad reputation but was the situation really that dire?
Indeed, even the maids and servants turned their heads away from the prince.
People had a stubborn tendency to hang on to discriminations, and public figures like Prince Jatis, his high station naturally attracting pervasive and at times automatic scrutiny, seemed now indelibly marked by suspicion and dislike.
"…I see. So by approaching me, the king is saying…"
"Yes. Although Lalatina is… Well, there is that… And this… And numerous other things…"
Darkness seemed like she wanted to retort but held her tongue as it was the king of all people who was criticizing her.
"Pfffft!"
"…!"
Aqua couldn't help but giggle, pressing her mouth with her hand to stop it from turning into full blown laughter.
The king continued, seemingly ignoring Aqua.
"However, the difference between Lalatina and Jatis is, even though both suffered public humiliation, Lalatina is still respected by the people. And why is that?"
"Could it be because Darkness is one of the heroes who slayed the Devil King?"
"That would be the natural assumption, Megumin-san. However, please remember that in terms of heroic feats, Jatis has accomplished more in the battlefield since a young age than Lalatina has. Although Kazuma-san and his party has accomplished the greatest act of heroism this land has seen in centuries, it could be argued that Jatis has provided more of a prolific service through his lengthy tenure in the fields of combat. So, let me return to my question. What is the difference between Jatis and Lalatina?"
He looked around to each of us, even to the servants, before he provided the answer.
"Among you, there are three leaders with differing talents."
He gestured to Jatis, me, and lastly, Darkness.
"Jatis is a wartime leader who does not so much as directly command the troops or inspires them, but quietly leads others to victory through his individual merits. That is a certain kind of leadership by itself."
He turned away from Jatis and then looked to me.
"Kazuma-san is a leader in the tactical sense. He understands the weaknesses and strengths of his enemy, his comrades, and himself, and he leads through his quick wit and ability to adapt in combat."
Turning finally to Darkness, the king smiled widely.
"And then there is Lalatina. What kind of leader is she would you say, Kazuma-san?"
I met Darkness's eyes and thought about the king's inquiry. Something about Darkness… What do people see in Darkness…?
"…Lalatina leads… With her boobs…"
"Dustiness-sama! Please put that chair down!"
The maids behind Darkness attempted to impede her as she suddenly lifted a chair to the air.
"Let go of me! Allow me to kill this man once and for all!"
As the maids attempted to placate Darkness, Megumin looked like she was pondering the king's question as she rubbed her chin.
"There were moments… Like in the battle with the Destroyer, the other adventurers had already given up on the seemingly impossible battle, but when Darkness charged at the overheating Destroyer, the other adventurers instantly recovered their morale and rejoined the battle…"
That was true. But Darkness charged at the Destroyer for unwholesome reasons, and the adventurers wanted to protect a certain shop in the town rather than the town itself, when they joined her charge.
"Even in the fight with the Dullahan, when everyone was disheartened when those adventurers fell to the hands of a vastly superior opponent, it was Darkness who inspired everyone by enduring the attack of the Dullahan."
That was true. But rather than 'enduring', I'd say that Darkness was enjoying that confrontation with the strong Dullahan.
Megumin then looked my way and said,
"There were many instances. And in a most recent example, with that whole mess with the 'League of Justice' and the distress signal they received, when Kazuma was trying to unite the troops before the battle, he seemed to be failing until Darkness took over."
That…That was true.
Earlier, there was also that encounter we had with the little lady who expressed her admiration and desire to be like Darkness.
"Hm… So something like 'a leader who inspires others'…"
I said while looking at Darkness who was still lifting the chair in a threatening manner.
…I don't see it.
"I see! Then, what kind of leader am I?"
"One who leads others to debt and misfortune."
"Aqua… Aqua-sama, please put that chair down!"
There were two people now who were threatening to throw furniture at me.
"Father, from what you are saying… Lalatina onee-sama is fit to be your heir? Something like having her marry into the family and take the throne? Is that even possible?"
Iris said this, somehow ignoring the commotion.
"No. Jatis is my unconditional heir. Unless something were to happen to him…"
"I beg of you. Really. Please stop trying to kill me off."
Prince Jatis pitifully said with lifeless eyes.
"I am planning on having Jatis as the technical heir to the throne, but the true, spiritual ruler will be Lalatina. And the people will also see it that way. Jatis can lead armies to victory with his individual might, but Lalatina can use her ability to inspire in the fields of combat and beyond. She can inspire a nation."
Hearing this, we all looked at Darkness who had now frozen in place when she heard the king's words, though she still had the chair lifted above her head.
"…Well, at least that was my idea."
The king seemed unsure of himself even after saying all those good things about Darkness.
Finally, Darkness placed the chair down. She attempted to compose herself despite that unruly display. She coughed once before regarding the king.
"I… I didn't imagine that this would be your reason for this arranged marriage, your majesty. This is… An incredible honor."
"Darkness, your braids have come loose."
"Urk!"
Dispelling Darkness's façade of composure and grace, Megumin made this comment before standing and fixing Darkness's long braids.
The king smiled at the scene and leaned back slightly on his chair. He then said,
"Well, then… What do you think about my offer, Darkness? Please realize that I am not forcing you into anything. You have done too much for this country along with your party to be treated in such a manner."
Darkness, who was getting her braids fixed by Megumin behind her, closed her eyes in contemplation.
Was she really considering this?
My heart started beating in anxious anticipation.
It was all starting to hit me now. Darkness marrying into royalty. Our party would never be the same. We would all grow apart. Aqua would probably go back to heaven. Megumin and I… What about Megumin and I? Even if we were to date or whatever, we would both be filled with regret.
Something… A scummy plan like Aqua said. I needed to come up with something. Even a ridiculous tactic like declaring my desire to create a harem with Darkness and Megumin, or whatever. A preposterous proposal like 'Darkness, I won't let you go. Be my mistress'.
At least, something that would deter whatever it was Darkness was about to open her mouth to say. Something…!
However, as I was about to act, I felt a hand on my shoulder. I turned and saw Aqua.
"Have faith in our reliable crusader."
She showed a smile that actually suited her beauty.
Compelled by Aqua's words, I settled down into my seat and waited for Darkness to speak.
"...All those things the king said, about my supposed leadership… Please, tell me, my majesty. Did I accomplish those merits as 'Lalatina' or as 'Darkness'?"
"Hm?"
The king seemed confused by her words.
"A little girl spoke to me today. She recognized me for my efforts as the adventurer 'Darkness' rather than the noble 'Lalatina'. Something like inspiring others outside of the field of combat, I've never showed a quality like that, yet. Any signs of remarkable leadership I've shown was the result of my-in retrospect—impulsive actions in combat…"
"I don't understand, Lalatina… What I'm saying is that you have a quality in you, a charm, that makes others respect you. And that is a rare quality, indeed."
"The people will respect adventurers and heroes unconditionally. They will respect the crusader who has faced many strong enemies like 'Darkness', but for the noble 'Lalatina', in that end, they only say things like 'she is already reaching the age of expiration and ineligibility'. The prince is in a precarious situation as he is, undoubtedly, the prince and heir to the throne before he is a warrior and a hero. I can escape the expectation of the people as a noble, somewhat, but the prince is forever branded with the identity as 'someone who is expected to rule'. And so, I think that it is not fair to compare us to each other, as there is a higher expectation towards the prince, than there is to me. A hero is immortalized and revered forever in the moment they have slayed their fated adversary, but a king will only have his place in history once his tenure at the throne has reached its end, the time when his rule can be judged adequately."
Silence overcame us when Darkness stopped speaking.
"Aqua, do you sense a ghost in this room or something?"
"No… It's strange but Darkness doesn't seem to be possessed by a capable noble who has lingered in the realm of the living."
"Darkness has been reading a lot of books lately. Maybe she stole those words from a passage of some book?"
"Can you guys just leave me alone for once?! Let me have my moment, too!"
Immediately shedding the radiance she displayed, Darkness seethed and flushed in embarrassment and rage.
The king sat still and looked at Darkness for a while, before he sighed, sagging his shoulders.
"I suppose that's a 'no', then?"
"Yes, I'm sorry, your majesty. I am honored, but I will have to respectfully decline this proposal."
"Hah… It's my son who is being dumped here, but why am I the one feeling the heartbreak of rejection, instead?"
"I wasn't… I wasn't dumped, OK?! In fact, how come I only heard about this arranged marriage just this morning, huh?! Even the nosy nobles apparently received news about this before I did?! There's a limit to how much you can abuse someone, you know?!"
Beside me, Iris sighed at the pathetic display of her brother whining to the king.
"Hah… Onii-sama, I hope you realize that all that talk about 'heroes' and 'kings' from Lalatina onee-sama is just one big load of B.S., yanno? Kek. And I think my father knows this, too."
As expected of Iris who was trained to read people since she was young. I looked at the king, but he didn't seem offended that Darkness fed him 'one big load of B.S.'.
"I believe that father recognized Lalatina onee-sama's desire to stay with onii-sama and everyone as a party. My father is a man who will do everything he can for the good of the country, and he has determined Lalatina onee-sama as something that will contribute to such. For him to relent so easily, it must mean that he sees something special in all of you, something precious that he must not break apart."
Iris showed me a brilliant smile as she looked at my comrades.
I turned to look as well.
"Ah… Is that so? Darkness won't be the queen, huh? I guess I can't use her connections anymore to force all the wineries in the capital to give me a 99% discount, like I planned. What a shame."
"Indeed… Even though I planned on using Darkness's authority as queen to change the curriculum of mage academies, having them instruct prospective students of the mystic arts about the splendid and most powerful magic known to man: explosion magic…. What a shame."
"You guys are really…!"
Iris's cheerful mood started to darken.
"Err… I was mistaken?"
Darkness seemed to have given up on Megumin and Aqua, and looked to me for refuge.
"Darkness…"
"Yes, Kazuma…?"
She looked at me with hopeful eyes.
"The king said all those things about you being a leader, but sorry. I can still only see you as someone who leads with boobs…"
"Just die!"
And so, more or less, the crisis was averted without much fuss, in the end.
However, even more so than before, the nobles from the capital were calling Darkness names like 'spinster' and 'ineligible lady'.
Chapter 18 END
Next Chapter: Gifting this Wannabe Writer with a Published Novel!