Chapter 75
"Is Ellen allright?" asked Gerald, worriedly to Mammy.
'She's allright now, Mist. Gerald. She just needs to keep busy. She's not got enough to do around Tara-"
"But she's already managing all the slaves and the cooking-"
"It isn't enough, Sir- She needs more work to stop worrying..to stop feeling-" said Mammy, walking back to the kitchen.
Gerald's eyes widened in fear. "Well, I'll see to it that Scarlett listens to her more often. That girl is spunky and spirited. She will be a fine feather in our cap. And goodness knows, maybe we will have a bigger family-"
Mammy laughed as she overheard Gerald say this out loud and then stop himself in embarrassment.
"Anything to keep Ellen happy-"
Scarlett walked into an empty church. She wasn't afraid but she wished the altar had been more lighted. Then she remembered that she could very well light a few candles. She went to the front pew and sat down. The statue of Mary, the apostles and Jesus on a cross seemed to stare down at her.
Scarlett, ran her tongue over her parched lips and looked around for any clergy man to help her. Not seeing a friendly face, she suddenly walked up the aisle and flung herself dramatically in front of the altar in penitence. Her hands were stretched out in front of her and she tried to weep. But strangely all tears had stopped and she felt she looked silly. Now that she was down on her knees, she wished she knew a few prayers to say.
"Almighty Father.. Almighty... Father-"
Scarlett's outstretched arms shook and she sat on her heels. She drew the shawl over her head and one of the candles tipped. "Oh how silly-" Scarlett put out the flame and raised her hands to the statues on the walls.
"Madam, may I know-"
Scarlett jumped out of her skin with fright. She quickly rose up and saw the clergyman staring kindly at her.
"Oh.. Sir.. Father- I.. I came to say prayers-"
The man looked at her with twinkling eyes. "Usually people sit on those seats and pray- You seem to be having some trouble-"
"No. These aren't ordinary prayers-"
"Oh?"
"I am in pain, Father- And I cannot bear it. I am trying to submit to God-"
"Ahh.. the prayer of submission- But why were you falling on the ground?"
Scarlett peered at the man. "Isn't that what real submission means?"
"No." replied the clergyman and gestured for Scarlett to sit down on the seat. "God doesn't want us to throw ourselves down and wail when we are in pain. Whenever we feel pain, we are already bending down under its weight. We must simply be calm and remember that God sees all and knows all."
"That's all it is? But.. how can that be?"
"Be calm. Sit still. God is here. He will calm any storm-"
Scarlett nodded quietly at the clergyman. She sat quietly, not even praying. No one else came into the church. She sat there alone.