Chapter 83

That night as Scarlett prepared to go to sleep, she saw that there was a warm breeze blowing across the lawns and went out to the balcony to see if there were people were lighting the gas lamps which had been newly installed in the streets. She felt at peace. And it was all thanks to that conversation she had with Mrs. Finch. Yes, it was that conversation that did it. Scarlett had often thought she wasn't like other women but Mrs. Finch treated her like one. That felt strangely good and peaceful. And that idea about finding a challenge was good too. Yes, she was wasting away at the house. She walked over to her table and went through a bunch of letters. Then suddenly she brought out the painting that Ella had made and thought of posting it to Rhett. It might draw him to her once again. But she quickly abandoned the idea. If Rhett ignored her, she would never get over the pain because of late her feelings were becoming real. She couldn't risk her heart getting hurt again and again. But what a relief it was to realize that her intentions before had been good.

"Rhett must have known- if he really loved me..." reasoned Scarlett. "And if he didn't love me, then why did I run to him and why should he run away from me?"

Scarlett sighed at this hopeless business and prepared to sleep. She did not feel much anger now. Her mood was quite pleasant and she was actually quite surprised to find herself happy. And she cast her mind back to her wedding night with Rhett. That feeling of shame didn't grip her memories now. That felt strange to her. A new release. She felt free to examine her memories.

How pretty she had looked for her wedding with Rhett Butler. That trousseau that Rhett had bought for her- she had long since packed it away in her trunk but the shine of its white silk, the crinkling overskirt, the intricate embroidery on the fitted corset! Rhett had such good taste for fineries! And that lovely little lace fan! What a surprise that had been! They were married and arrived at the Hotel at New Orleans.

And what a fine Hotel it had been! She heard beautiful music being played by a small orchestra at the reception and there were so many important people entering and leaving through those swinging glass doors. And Rhett had walked in with a kind of careless elegance that only he could have done. And she was on his arm, caught between wanting to feel like a shy young bride and also a woman who had already married two men and had two children by them!

It was already night when they arrived but the lights were still on every floor and the ballroom was alive with music.

"Shall we have dinner or would you rather retire to bed, my love?" asked Rhett.

"Perhaps a small dinner?"

"All right. The music never dies here and the corridors are always busy-"

"Oh Rhett, this is a lovely place you have brought me to! Its so lively and wonderful-"

Rhett had grinned back but his mouth still curved with mockery. They arrived at their room which was like a little palace in itself. It had a large bedroom, a wide balcony, a changing room attached to a bath and a walk-in wardrobe! Scarlett blinked in wonder at all this and rushed about taking it all in. "Why its a gorgeous room! Look at the polished silver taps in the bathroom and this painted glass. I read about it somewhere in a magazine. And these white carpets, won't they have an awful lot of washing to do if some maid was clumsy enough to spill something on it? Look at all these silk cushions! And these mirrors- they make the place look so big!"

Rhett was taking off his coat and settling into a chair. His eyes were watching her in keen amusement.

"Rhett, look! One, two, three, four, five-" Scarlett was tossing each cushion into the white fur of the carpet and finally she sat down on them with a laugh and her travelling dress rose up in awkward angles in protest at being handled so carelessly. "Ohh , I could lie here all day! This is heaven compared to the hard floor I tossed and turned in at Tara-"

"Now now, my pet- don't start lazing around. You were the one who wanted to have that "small" dinner, weren't you? Well, I happen to know that the pantry closes by ten so we better go to the dining room now if we are to have a decent meal.

Scarlett immediately lifted her hand and said "Help me up! Rhett, I really can't get up from here-" She laughed as Rhett pretended he didn't hear her and tried to walk to the door. "Rhett, help me up!"

Rhett laughed and pulled her up to her feet and they went to the dining hall.

As Scarlett demolished one plate of buttered chicken and drank two glasses of wine, her eyes danced as she saw the desert being served - a mountainous jelly surrounded by beautifully decorated pastries and fruits. She dug her fork into a slice of honey pineapple and paused for a moment to catch her breath and swallow the last mouthful. She felt her tummy expand underneath the tight corset and envied men just then because they were always able to reach down and loosen their belt if they ate too much. She couldn't help remembering how poor her first night with Frank had been- the small meal of a scrawny country chicken that was hardly visible in its gravy and half glasses of Aunt Pitty's wine. The small raisin cake that had been cut into delicate slices to serve as a desert. And she remembered how Frank has led her up the stairs and apologized for everything including what he was about to do. Scarlett already knew that she had to appear magnanimous and had delicately asked if she could turn out the lights. Her demureness had made Frank so wildly happy. All she had to do was lie still and think of Ashley while Frank did what he had to do- which hadn't been that much at all. But Scarlett did remember his weight- that uncomfortable pressure as he pressed onto her tummy when he finally achieved what he had wanted. Now she spied her tummy which was busy mixing up and digesting butter, cream, wine and chocolate and looked at Rhett. He was cutting into his veal and had hardly noticed how many pastries she had eaten. She felt very guilty for eating so much and almost having forgotten her marital obligations. His was a very large muscular body and how very great that pressure would be on her own poor full belly. So, she cautiously tapped Rhett's elbow and asked, "Is it all right if I eat so much? Do you mind it-"

Rhett looked at her and then at her empty plate which was carrying heavy traces of cream and melting chocolate and then catching on what she implied, he suddenly grinned and showed his startlingly white teeth. "Why, Mrs. Butler- How kind of you to think of me! It is very conscientious on your part- but tell me, are you always so keen on fulfilling your responsibilities or has this all been inspired on my behalf?"

Scarlett grew red-faced at once. She tossed down her fork and wiped her mouth. 'There's no need sound so smart. I was only asking because I felt so heavy just now. Oh dear, I'm afraid I've eaten a very large meal! I don't think I could move from this chair."

"Then you can watch me eat" said Rhett, returning to his dinner. "I am just about to look under this very interesting piece of veal. Its a lovely shade of roasted pink that gives away its chef's expertise! You wont eat so much if you really appreciated what you ate-"

"Umm hmm" said Scarlett and she hiccupped once before turning away to look at the singer who had just come up on stage. There were already dancers swaying across the ballroom floor.