NOTE: This story was written as part of an ongoing (as of time of publication) one-shot anthology. The entire anthology - including stories not posted on this website - can be found on another fanfiction Archive, posted under the same user name.

Ron Stoppable was in serious trouble.

His mission was supposed to be simple: get in, get the target, and get out. He had done it so many times over the years, with and without Kim, that he should have been able to pull it off in his sleep. Yet he stood frozen in place in front of his goal, unable to complete the task he had set out to do.

"Oh, man," Ron mumbled to no one in particular. "What if I get the wrong one? It could ruin everything Kim worked so hard to do. I can't afford to screw this up."

"Can I help you?"

Ron jumped and let out a yelp. The interruption of his freakout moment came as a shock to him, but he knew he had to play it cool. "Oh yeah, no. I'm cool. I'm just-" He stopped in his tracks when he finally took a look at who had interrupted him.

"Tara?! What are you doing here?"

"Hey Ron," the blonde girl replied cheerily. "I started working here about a month ago. See?" She pointed to her burgundy vest with the word 'Tara' stitched above its breast pocket. "The real question is, what are you doing here?"

"Oh me? I'm just looking for-" Ron caught himself before he let himself say something awk-weird in front of his friend. He quickly came up with an alibi. "Ummm… bandages. Yeah, bandages. For all of my… y'know, nicks and cuts."

Tara narrowed her eyes at Ron. "You're looking for bandages?"

Ron's nod in response was overly enthusiastic.

"In the sexual health section?"

Ron held up a finger to begin his defense, but he decided against it. He let out a defeated sigh and let his shoulders drop. "Okay, you got me. I'm not looking for bandages."

Tara smirked. "Alright, so what are you looking for?"

Ron sighed again. "That's just it. I need to grab some…" A blush crossed his cheeks. "...condoms… but I thought there'd only be like one or two options. Not… all this. " He flailed his arms in the direction of the store shelf filled with dozens and dozens of varieties of condoms, along with lubricants, pregnancy tests, and other assorted items."

"Okay," said Tara, "we can figure this out together."

"Oh, no no no." Ron attempted to wave his friend off. "It's not your job to help me with this."

"Actually…" Tara again pointed to the name on her vest. "It is my job."

"Oh yeah, I guess it is."

Tara smiled briefly, but quickly transitioned to her game face. "Alright, so what are you looking for? Something basic? Something wild?"

"I have no idea," he replied.

Tara nodded. "Okay, well…" She grabbed a purple box and handed it to the blonde boy. "That's a basic one. Nothing fancy, just gets the job done."

Ron eyed the package questioningly. "And that's okay?"

Tara nodded. "Yeah. That will work fine… Unless she's got a latex allergy. In that case…" She took hold of a similarly-designed box with light blue as its main color. "These aren't quite as effective as latex condoms, but they still work really well."

Ron grabbed the second box from Tara's hand. He eyed it over, then turned his head towards the purple box, then back to the light blue one.

"If you want something a little more adventurous…" She pointed to an orange box. "This one has ridges on the outside that add a little extra stimulation. Some girls like that." She turned her attention to a lavender package. "Ooooh, and this one has a special lube on the outside that's supposed to give her a gentle warming sensation. That one has a numbing lube on the inside that makes you last longer," she continued as she pointed at a green box.

Tara turned back to Ron to see if any of her suggestions caught his attention, but she found that his eyes were glazed over. Clearly, throwing so much at him at once was a bit more than he could handle.

"Okay, let's take a step back," she said calmly. "Let's start with this: what does she like?"

Ron shook himself from his stupor and shrugged his shoulders. "See, that's the thing," he said. "I don't know who this is for."

Tara twisted her features in confusion. "How do you not know? Haven't you talked to her about it?"

"I…" Ron sighed. "I don't know who she is. Not yet, anyways."

Her confusion grew. "How does that even work?"

He scratched the back of his neck. "Oh, well, ya see… Kim kinda set me up on a blind date tonight."

Tara's eyes bulged in shock. "Really?"

Ron nodded. "I don't know who it is. All I know is that she's cute and that she might be into me. So I thought that if things went well…" He threw up his hands. "Not that I expect anything from her or anything like that, but…" Once again, all he could do was shrug. "Better safe than sorry, right?"

Tara didn't respond. She remained slack-jawed at Ron's revelation. "You're telling me that Kim is setting you up on a blind date?"

"Yep."

"Tonight?"

"Yep."

Gears began to turn in Tara's head. A million thoughts ran through her brain at once ranging from surprise to shock to relief. Once the initial burst of brain activity passed, one thought took hold over all others: taking care of her customer.

"Ron," she said in her sweetest professional voice, "this might be TMI, but would you like me to tell you what I would go with?"

Ron smiled and let out a big sigh of relief. "That would be a massive help, Tara."

Tara returned his smile, then grabbed a pair of boxes from the top shelf. She handed one of them to Ron, who grew confused as he looked the container over.

"Uuuh, Tara? This doesn't look like condoms."

"Because it's not," she replied. "It's an instant at-home sexual health test. It's brand new technology that tests for all major STDs and STIs. You get the results back in about five minutes."

"That sounds cool, but…" Ron raised an eyebrow. "How does that help me?"

"Well," she replied, her voice a little less formal than before. "If you both have clean bills of health and she's got some form of birth control, then you might not need any of these." She grabbed the boxes of condoms from Ron's hand and returned them to their homes on the shelves.

"Okay, but what if she doesn't want to do that?"

She gave Ron a slight smile. "I have a feeling she very much wants to do that. Just trust me on this one."

Ron was on the fence about following her advice, but he decided that Tara knew women far better than he did. "Thanks, Tara."

"Don't mention it," she replied. "Just make sure that you give your date a real good time tonight, okay? Now if you'll excuse me, I gotta punch out and get going. I've got a date tonight."

"Alright!" He offered up a thumbs up. "Who's the lucky guy?"

Tara smiled and shrugged. "Dunno. Kim set me up on a blind date." She playfully shook the test in her hand in Ron's direction before walking away towards the back room. "See ya around, stud."

Ron became confused again. "Wait, Kim set you up on a blind date too?" He got no response as she disappeared through the door marked 'staff only.' "Why are you taking one of those tests with you? And how do you know that my date won't want to use-"

Suddenly, everything clicked in Ron's mind.

"Oooooooohhhhh."