Author's note. Big news guys. I've decided to move ahead and try making a You Tube channel directed at reading fan fictionfor the Elder Scrolls series. I've ordered a microphone and am familiarizing myself with video editing software. I admit I am inexperienced when it comes to this kind of tech, but I already know I have the gumption to spend hours at a computer screen for a project. I will post details as this project develops and hopefully it will provide a good alternative to actively reading for those of us with short attention spans (Yes, I also have trouble sitting down for hours to read and prefer to pop my earbuds in and let someone else read to me while I accomplish stuff). Message me if there is an Elder Scrolls or maybe a Fallout fanfic that you think deserves a bigger audience. I'll check them out and try to contact their authors to see if they are interested in a narration.

As always, thoughtful reviews are appreciated and I welcome private messages about the story, writing, gaming, and any intellectually stimulating topic. (Just don't ask me where babies come from, ask your mom). A special thanks to GalacticHalfling the space adventuring hobbit and 1, the creator of a number of interesting and epic Elder Scrolls characters. These two have been my most interactive readers and getting their chapter reviews and messages have kept me excited and motivated to keep writing and posting.

Nobody moved. The man who'd identified me was an Imperial. He held his long slender sword out between me and him. Orvas and the rest of the advisers seemed stunned by the accusation. None more than Eyedis however, who took a step back. All awaited to see how I'd react. Sweat gathered on my brow as I considered the best option to play. Denial was out. I didn't want to start an argument and draw more attention. Thankfully, we were away from the party and it was only the few of us who'd heard it.

Eyedis stuttered. "Han-lu, is this true?"

I thought quickly. The Emperor wouldn't have set out a warrant for me after sending me here, so this man couldn't send Imperial guards after me. I just had to keep my lie close enough to the chest to play damage control. "Apparently, he thought that slaying my family and sending me into exile would be a more suiting punishment. How do you know me exactly?"

My response did nothing to lessen the shock of the onlookers, however, the Imperial lowered his sword a bit, seeming to accept that I wasn't a fugitive. "I was there, at the Emperor's birthday party the night you ran him through. I was assigned to come here shortly after that, but I caught your fights in the arena before I had to leave." He turned to Orvas. "His skills in combat were beyond compare." His sword suddenly flicked up to my throat, causing a few gasps. I stood still, one hand discreetly gripping the handle of my knife. "But so were your skills in guile. I remember how you defeated the troll. How do I know you're telling the truth?"

I considered my options, coming dangerously close to violence before Orvas interjected. "Canctunian, you will lower your sword. I'll remind you that you are both guests here and I'll not have anyone killed at my celebration." The Lord's gaze brokered no argument and the long named Imperial sheathed his blade. "I understand you were shocked to see him, but while on my land, Han-lu and any of my guests are under my protection. Unless you can produce a warrant for arrest, you have no business with him."

The Imperial looked from Orvas to me one last time, giving me a dark glare before returning to the party. The other advisors followed suit.

"Thank you," I said, turning to Orvas. "That could have been difficult."

Eyedis stayed silent. I wished she'd say something. Orvas however, seemed unfazed if not pleasantly surprised at the turn of events. "As I was saying before we were so rudely interrupted, perhaps you'd like to join me at my table for the celebration feast."

Eyedis finally chimed in. She slowly looked from me to Orvas. "I thank you for your offer, but I think we ought to be going."

Orvas made a show of letting his shoulders slump in disappointment. "I'm sorry to hear that. I'll arrange a silt strider to take you home shall I?"

"That would be most appreciated." Eyedis' stare returned to me and I mentally shrank from her gaze. A few minutes later, we were aboard a silt striders back. The tired Dunmer driver was more than happy to leave us to ourselves.

For half the journey, neither of us dared break the silence. I still had no idea how she felt about my past. Finally, she spoke in a hushed tone. "Why did you do it?"

"Do what," I fired back indolently, suddenly defensive?

"Why did you try to assassinate the Emperor? Was it money? What did you have to gain? Speak carefully, for I'm deciding whether or not to expel you from the guild."

Why did I do it, I had to ask myself, laying it out honestly for the first time. "It wasn't for money. There were other ways to make money. I didn't even do it for the power. Killing the Emperor would have given my father's organization a legendary status, but in reality, I didn't care about that."

"Why then?" Eyedis pressed quietly.

The answer came to me, but I couldn't find a way to voice it. I involuntarily started to shake and despite my best efforts, tears welled in my eyes. I curled up in embarrassment, overcome by emotions I thought I'd spent while locked up in the Imperial cities prison. I cried, unable to hold back. I didn't care that Eyedis could see it. I tucked my head between my knees and closed myself off from the world. I didn't think about my work at the guild. I didn't think about getting home. All I thought about was my loss.

Surprisingly, I felt a comforting arm around my shoulder. I looked up to see Eyedis wearing an expression I'd only ever seen on mother. Caring. I sniffed and worked to pull myself together. "I tried to murder the Emperor because my father wanted me to. I loved my father and my failures got him killed. I don't care about money. I don't care about power." My voice broke. "I just want my family back."

Eyedis' gaze showed understanding and I tucked my head between my knees to cry some more. The strong Nord woman was kind. Her hand gently rubbed my back in a comforting motion the rest of the way home. The silt strider arrived in Balmora and Eyedis stood, pulling me to my feet. "Come on, let's get some sleep. It's been a long day."

I shook my head. "I think I'll take a walk. I need to think."

"Alright," she said, laying a hand on my shoulder. "Just take care of yourself, alright?"

I nodded and she left me on the silt strider station, overlooking Balmora. I watched her disappear around one of the buildings. The city was quiet and beautiful. The sky was clear, letting the light of the waning moon shine over it. I'd lied once again. I didn't need a walk to clear my head. I needed to talk to Caius. He'd want to see me after tonight.

Doubtless, he'd still be at the party for a while, so I took my time, appreciating the way the moonlight reflected off the Odai River. I mosied through the town nonchalantly, avoiding thoughts of my father. Home. I had to get home. I still had to wait for Ajira to make the teleport potions and I had to find a smuggler. Beyond that, I had to try to keep Caius from knowing I was trying to leave. I'd have to keep working for him.

I hated waiting. After so many close calls tonight, my body was tensed up and ready for a fight. I craved action.

I went to Caius' house and knocked on the door with no answer. Frustrated, I kept walking. The burning braziers in high town on the other side of the river caught my attention. I hadn't visited that area yet. I crossed the river and the few blocks between me and the political district of Balmora, then climbed a set of stairs set into the mountain, side. High town was called such because it had been built on a high ridge against the western mountain, overlooking the rest of the city.

There were more guards here. 'Of course,' I thought to myself. 'Why patrol the city and keep it safe, when you could surround your political leaders with a small army?' There were a few fancy shops and a large city hall where the Hlaalu nobles governed from, none of which interested me. However, I saw a small path leading north to a ridge just below high town. I followed it to find the Tribunal temple Safia had told me about earlier. I entered the front courtyard from a small arch in the wall surrounding it.

The courtyard was only twenty feet across, with only enough room for a small herb garden the temples residents had planted. I entered quietly through the front door to find a small reception room. To my left were two long rooms sporting simple beds full of sleeping people. Another room ahead sported the dim lighting of candles. I quietly wandered back to find a beautiful, but simple room. It was octagonal in shape and against each wall in a carefully crafted alcove was an obelisk with the name of a saint etched onto it along with a wispy carving in the form of the dead saint.

A lone priest stood watch over the altars. He knelt at one of the three foot high obelisks in silent prayer, or so I assumed. I tried not to disturb him and silently examined each obelisk. St. Rilms, Aralor, Seryn, and Felms to name a few. Why had my parents never told me about this religion? Surely at least my mother had been raised with it. What had turned them to the more ancient Daedra?

The priest quietly interrupted my reverie. "What brings you to worship at this time of night? Usually people your age are busy sinning this late."

His levity earned him a chuckle from me. "I'm afraid I have few sins in common with those who normally come for penance muthsera."

"I have my doubts about that. Gambling, lying, cheating, gluttony, debauchery, lusting, violence. They touch us all and each one is a sign of soul sickness." The priest stood straight and faced me. The dark elf was old. His eyes were gray and blind from cataracts. "The only way to stay true is to stay loyal to principle. What are your principles? Whom do you owe allegiance to?"

I stepped back, not expecting such intense questioning from a priest. "I am loyal to family."

He shook his head. "Family will fail you, that is if it hasn't already." I had to bite back a retort. Who was this old fool to judge my family?

"I suppose you think I should put faith in your gods. Well your Lord Vivec didn't raise me. He didn't teach me to walk or show me a trade. What makes him better than family?"

The priest bowed his head. "Neither has Vivec caused you heartbreak and sorrow. He is there yesterday, today, and forever. If you draw near to him, he will grant you his blessings to the end of your days, as will Almalexia, and Sotha Sil. Can the same be said for your family?"

Now I was angry. My fist balled and I resisted the urge to strike him.

The priest sighed and knelt back at his obelisk. "My intention is not to cause you pain young man."

"Well you sure aren't bringing me peace."

The priest sighed softly. "Peace doesn't come through gentle solace. That brings only temporary relief. Peace of mind and peace of soul come only after you are willing to face and accept truth. If you are willing, I can tell you the truth you need to hear. After that, it is up to you to accept it."

I huffed. "What truth could I possibly be denying?"

The priest was still. For a moment, I thought he was ignoring me. I considered turning to leave, but realized he was chanting to the obelisk. I waited, unsure of whether he even remembered I was there until he fell silent, looked to me and with a quiet voice he whispered, "Your father's death was caused by his arrogance, not your folly and as long as you deny his imperfections, you'll walk the same path he did."

I was struck speechless. I didn't even wonder how he knew about my father. My heart took flight as the guilt I'd carried at his death began to lift. I stumbled back and hit the floor hard. This was dad I was thinking of. Adairan Urshar. He could handle anything. He could keep his family safe and wealthy. Then again, so could Orvas Dren. Why didn't I look up to him like I did father? What was the difference? What was wrong with them?

The priest seemed to read my mind. "You can live for others instead of using them." I didn't want to hear this. I couldn't listen to this! I ran for the door. "You don't have to live by his example young one," the priest shouted after me! He never left his kneeling position. "You can live a better life!"

His shouting woke those sleeping in their bunks. My running and throwing the door open awoke more. I just ran. I couldn't accept this. Dad was my image of an ideal person. Nobody messed with him. Nobody could compare. Anyone who tried ended up dead or ruined... Until the Emperor killed him. I ran through the north gate, drawing the stares of the wall guards, but not warranting raising the alarm.

What was the point of trying to be the strongest if there was always someone stronger? How was the Emperor, a silly short lived human the most influential person in the world? Was he fiercer than father? More cruel? I'd certainly seen his mean side, but there was more to it than that. Why did people follow him with such devotion? Why were soldiers so willing to die for him when the pay was so lousy? Why did men like Caius who'd never even met the Emperor, dedicate their lives to guarding the Empire? To guarding people they didn't even know?

I paused, slowing to a walk next to the Odai river. I thought of how Ajira treated me after protecting her from the council club. She tended my wounds with no thought of reward. She hardly knew me, but then, I hadn't known her either. Why did I protect her? There was nothing in it for me. Father wouldn't have protected her. Even now, when I thought about Ajira, my heart felt warm. She was my friend. She cared for me like my mother had cared for me. Like how Eyedis had just shown me compassion. I only pretended to do those things to take advantage of a target. Why would they… love me, with so little to gain?

I collapsed and hyperventilated, a terrible thought entering my mind. Did dad ever love me or did he use me, like he used everyone else? Did he love mom? Did everyone else understand this version of love and I was the only one not on board? How was I supposed to pick who to live for? I still needed my mother, perhaps now more than ever, but for the time being, I'd look out for Ajira, whenever I could. Perhaps Eyedis... I needed more time to think about it. Until then, I still needed to talk to Caius. I washed the sweat from my face in the river and made my journey south, back to town, my heart strangely light and my head painfully heavy.