Chapter 34: Buying a Dungeon for this Devil!
Proofreader: LordVTP
Part 1
Thanks to Regina's talismans, no one was harmed by the explosion.
The crowd started to panic, but Darkness made sure to have everyone evacuate in an orderly manner.
Megumin and I gathered with the others.
I had been forced to tell Chris and Aqua about Maouko's resurgence, I was still keeping Megumin and Darkness out of the loop.
I didn't want to give Darkness anymore things to stress about, and I didn't want to worry Megumin needlessly.
There was also the concern of Megumin doing something irrational if I told her that there was another explosion user around.
However, after we went back home, when I began telling them…
For the most part, Megumin seemed excited, if her glowing eyes were any indication.
"The return of a former enemy! And my old master has finally revealed herself!"
Old master? What Megumin said seemed important.
I wanted to ask her to elaborate, but Darkness was now currently giving me an intense look.
"Kazuma… Why didn't you tell me about any of this?"
She gave me a hurt look.
"Darkness seemed busy and I didn't want you to freak out."
"Since when was Kazuma so considerate?! The you from before would have no problems putting the burden on others! Kazuma should have just told me from the start!"
"Make up your mind! Wasn't Darkness asking me to take my noble duties seriously?! Besides, Darkness didn't need to know! This masochist would just relish in the encroaching danger instead of trying to solve the problem, anyway!"
"I-I keep telling you that this and that are seperate matters! And here's another matter of concern. That dark goddess and her disciple that Kazuma is allied with, where are they? They are a huge security risk to this town!"
I shook my head as Darkness asked me about Regina and Serena.
"No can do. Knowing the stubborn Darkness, you'd just lock them up in jail. I already told you about what they did to help us, including protecting the town, so I'm not going to let Darkness take away my benefactors who do all the work for me!"
"There it is! The Kazuma who puts the burden on others is here!"
"Now, now. Why don't we just calm down?"
It was Chris who intervened in our shouting match.
"You're not off the hook either, Chris! Knocking me out and then mind wiping me, how could you!"
"Urk! Um… Technically it wasn't me who did it. It was Re… I mean, the dark goddess…"
Darkness directed her fury from me to Chris.
"Chris keeps so many secrets from me. I wonder if we really are friends…"
"That's not… Darkness…"
A heavy mood was forming.
"So… Is anyone going to go after Megumin, or not? She just left the mansion in full combat gear along with Chomusuke while going 'Fufu… It's time to show my master the results of my training…'"
Not affected by the mood at all, Aqua was casually drinking some 'shuwa shuwa' when she said this.
"Idiot goddess! Why didn't you tell us?! What is that explosion addict up to now!"
By 'master', I can only assume that Megumin is talking about Wolbach.
I don't know anyone else who uses explosion magic aside from Wiz.
Is the chuuni Megumin just using this situation to fuel her delusions, or does she really have some kind of relationship with Wolbach?
"Darkness, we can talk about that stuff later, but finding Megumin before she does anything reckless should take priority."
"...Fine. I'll let you guys off the hook for now. The guild is holding an emergency meeting, so I'm going as the party's representative."
"I'll go with you, Darkness."
"Chris likes working alone and keeping things to herself, right? Why don't you play masked thieves in the capital again?"
"Eh…? U-Um, was Darkness normally this petty?"
"I'm not being petty! Ugh… Just leave me alone for now!"
The moody Darkness put on a coat over her yukata and left the mansion, stomping her feet along the way.
"Uwa… She's really mad, isn't she?"
Chris heaved a depressed sigh.
"We can deal with the pouty ojou-chan later. Chris, I need your help to go look for Megumin."
"Alright, I'm all for it. Kazuma-kun and I are best suited for this. Senpai also has night vision, so… Eh?"
"ZZZzzzZZZ…"
With a bottle of the 'shuwa shuwa' in her hand, Aqua had already dozed off, still wearing her yukata.
"How can this sloppy goddess be asleep in such a time?!"
"D-Don't mind her, Kazuma-kun. Oh, and while we're searching, maybe it's best if we wear our thieving outfits. We don't know if the enemy has already infiltrated the town. It would be best if we operated covertly from now on."
"Is Chris just suggesting this because she wants to play 'thieves group' with me?"
"I'm not! Don't tease me, Kazuma-kun!"
After putting on our thieving outfits, Chris and I met in front of the mansion.
"It'd be more efficient if we split up, but if we were to encounter an enemy, it's better if we can watch each other's backs, so let's go together, Kazuma-kun."
"Chris really does want to play 'thieves group' with me, huh?"
"T-That's not it!"
After teasing Chris some more, we headed out.
"It seems like Kazuma already learned the 'Acrobatic Talent' skill. I thought I'd need to teach you that."
Chris said, as we avoided the streets and hopped across the rooftops, as expected of mysterious thieves.
"I have a lot of Skill Points to burn."
I once put up a request on the guild to have adventurers take turns teaching me their skills, no matter how seemingly useless they are.
I had to make sure that certain passive skill effects don't accidentally interfere with each other, though.
For rarer skills, I purchased skill books from the capital to learn them. My stats were still only just a bit above average, but I'm hoping my wide array of skills will help me survive the upcoming battles.
After roof-hopping for a while, we soon found Megumin.
She was at the lake shore again, looking across the lake.
"...Hm. Maybe she'll come here if I give her a signal. I know, if I use explosion…"
"Oi, Megumin, what are you doing?"
I snuck up behind her and gave her a chop on the head just as she raised her staff.
"Ow! Is it the enemy?! J-Just because I'm a Mage who operates from the backline, don't think that I… Eh? Who are these cool looking thieves?!"
Megumin stopped herself from swinging her staff at me as soon as she saw the costumes. She looked at us with sparkling eyes.
"Be a bit more suspicious about thieves suddenly appearing!"
"That voice… Ah, and it's the mask Kazuma used that time. Kazuma, I approve of this new lifestyle of yours! And the other one must be Chris-san. I see. Chris-san, the silver haired masked thief, has been training Kazuma all along. I should have known. After all, it was Chris-san who taught Kazuma his first set of skills, including that pervy 'Steal' that only takes panties and the 'Lurk' skill that Kazuma uses to sneak up on unsuspecting girls…"
"I don't use any of those skills for such reasons, Chris, don't look at me like that. Please don't believe her."
It's obvious that Megumin is very hyped up. She's talking very fast and was hopping around energetically.
"Hm? What's Chomusuke doing?"
Like before, Chomusuke was acting strangely. She was running in circles, spraying sand everywhere. She'd occasionally look at a random direction, then resume running around again.
"I'm using Chomusuke as a radar. I figured out why she's acting this way. My master must be close…"
"For a while now, Megumin has been saying 'master'. Is Megumin referring to Wolbach?"
"That's right. I learned the explosion spell from master."
Megumin said, with a faint, nostalgic smile on her face.
…
...
This is a story of a precocious, Crimson Demon child.
Even among a clan of geniuses, it was said that this child is a once in a generation genius.
Perhaps as a result of her environment, despite being warned not to enter a certain important place, this child had a sudden whim to play there.
In this certain important place, this child who was hailed as a genius among geniuses managed to undo a seal that held a certain evil goddess.
An evil goddess who, after being defeated in battle, was split in two parts, as she was too powerful to contain in a seal as one entity. One part was sealed by a certain cult and was held under the protection of the Crimson Demon clan.
That same seal was broken by the Crimson Demon child.
This half of the evil goddess had morphed into a beast, and started to go on a rampage.
The beast was weakened and once again sealed away, its rampage halted by a single spell.
Explosion magic.
The young girl was instantly captivated by her savior, a passing by magician.
"...I was also captivated by master's big boobs. The child me believed that if I learned explosion magic, I could one day grow to have big boobs like master."
Megumin said, as she looked down disappointedly at her chest.
That story was actually pretty interesting, but Megumin ruined the mood with the big boobs part.
"From what Kazuma said, I can only surmise that this same master is Wolbach, the other half of the evil goddess. After master sealed her other half, she left the village. But before that, she saw the enormous potential in the young me and offered to teach me any kind of magic. Of course, I chose explosion magic."
"You ruined your potential at such a young age, huh?"
This is just like when G*han chose to become a scholar instead of a warrior.
"If you have any problems with my explosion magic, then should I show you just how powerful it is?"
"Um… Please don't mind Kazuma-kun's teasing, Megumin-san. Something about your story confused me a bit. If Megumin-san's master re-sealed her other half who had transformed into a mindless, but powerful beast, then why does Megumin-san claim that this cat is actually this 'other half'?"
Chris asked, as she looked at the cat who is now urinating on the sand.
"Oh. Komekko messed with the seal a few years later and released Chomusuke. Then we made her our emergency rations… er, I mean, pet."
"Why didn't you just tell the village chief and try to seal it again?! Oi, what if Wolbach finds this cat and regains her full-power?!"
"I wasn't going to give my familiar away just like that."
She looked fondly at Chomusuke.
"For such a reason..."
I'm worried about what Megumin will do when the time comes to face Wolbach, if she can even treat such an important person as her enemy.
"Megumin, right now Wolbach is under Maouko's hypnotic suggestion…"
"Fufu, say no more. Kazuma underestimates me, the genius of the Crimson Demon clan! I will not falter! This is the kind of scenario I wished for, I wouldn't have it any other way!"
She pounded her chest twice and smirked confidently.
I wasn't fully convinced, though.
"Sigh. For now, we should head back. It's getting late. We can resume the search tomorrow."
Wolbach should take at least half-a-day or so to recover her mana completely. I know from experience.
"It's a good thing we have a means to find her, but do you think she knows that we'd use Chomusuke as a neko-radar to find her?"
Chris said, sounding like she was talking about an obscure dor*em*n gadget.
"I'm pretty sure Maouko's priority is to get rid of us, so she'd want us to find Wolbach. I'm not sure what we can do against Wolbach in a fight. Even after using explosion, she still had enough mana to use Teleport."
I saw her make her escape with my Farsight skill. If she can use hit-and-run tactics like that, she'll be almost impossible to stop.
I'm also not sure if Regina's defenses will work again. I can't imagine that making those talismans is an easy task.
I'll have to see Regina tomorrow, and also Vanir.
It'll be a lot easier to act if we know the town is safe. Knowing Maouko, she'll hold the town hostage to limit our actions. If we leave the protection of the town to Vanir, we can focus on finding and stopping Wolbach.
...That means I'll have to spend an absurd amount of money to buy him a dungeon.
Part 2
The next day, we split up to do our own thing.
Darkness gave us the cold shoulder, but it looks like she's coordinating with the town's police force to tighten security.
Megumin was planning to resume her search. I asked Chris and Aqua to come with her to make sure she didn't do anything crazy, like rush the enemy head on.
As I headed to Wiz's store, I glanced around at the empty streets.
Due to the security breach, the Eris festival was forced to end prematurely. The stalls were taken down and the townsfolk were advised to stay home.
There was a lot of dissatisfaction among those who wanted to enjoy the last day of the festival. Businesses were also resentful about losing out on potential profit.
Among these resentful business owners was Vanir.
"Couldn't that prototype explosion crazy girl wait for another day?! Moi plans to make a lot of profits is suffering!"
By 'protype explosion crazy girl', Vanir was probably referring to Wolbach.
He was angrily stuffing a bunch of Vanir dolls back into their boxes.
"I'm surprised Vanir couldn't see this outcome of the future."
"That troublesome dark elf keeps interfering with moi's all-seeing eye. Those cursed descendants of dark fairies! Fairy-folk and their offspring are second only to goddesses in a devil's list of most hated beings!"
Vanir was going in full rant mode. Meanwhile, Wiz was looking more pale than usual.
"Vanir-san! If we don't make enough money by the end of the month, the landlord will…!"
"Is that so! Then moi should get the stage prepared again! Thou and the minion of the dark goddess brat, moi will sell these two off to thou's thirsty fan boys!"
"No! Please don't try to sell us off in that auction again, Vanir-san! How cruel!"
As amusing as this exchange was, I had to speak to Vanir urgently.
"Oi, Vanir. About our discussion, I need you to start protecting the town now."
"Oh? The brat is finally making moves? It will be an easy task for moi to protect this town from all forms of attacks, but is thou willing to fund moi's ultimate dream of crushing the hopes and dreams of wannabe heroes?!"
"It pains me to spend my hard earned money to fund Vanir's weird dream, but…"
"Thou need'nt worry! I tease thou, but a dungeon can prove to be quite profitable."
Vanir said, nodding to himself.
"Profitable, how? I'm not going to loot the bodies of fallen adventurers, if that's what you meant."
"Thou is quite ignorant! Even though thou seems to be quite knowledgeable about all sorts of licentious practices, thou doth not know a single thing about the workings of dungeons!"
"Why would I know about such a thing? The dungeons in games don't really serve any purpose outside of being places where you can grind levels…"
"Thou only knows dungeons from the perspective of the adventurer…! Fine, thou may come with moi after thou finishes thy business with the dark goddess loli, who is now sleeping in the backroom without a care. But after that, let us buy a dungeon, brat! Muwahahaha!"
Vanir seemed awfully excited today now that he knows his dream is finally coming to fruition.
Wiz had a warm smile on her face as she watched the laughing Vanir.
…
...
Like Vanir said, I found Regina sleeping in one of the rooms at the back of the store.
It looks like Serena is staying in Wiz's store now, too. I didn't know how they could all fit in here, but they managed to.
"Hm? Oh, if it isn't the boya."
"Err… No offense, but you look horrible."
Regina had bags under her eyes and her cheeks looked a bit sunken.
"The town's protection took a lot of my power. You better be grateful, brat."
She said, while struggling a little to sit upright.
"That brat of the Devil King already made her move... What an impatient brat. She showed off her fighting potential trying to knock the key players off in the first move."
"Well, it's better than sending pawns to die uselessly, I guess."
"If she sent her pawns first, I would have wasted my power trying to protect the town against them. Then, she could have sent Wolbach to blow up the unguarded town."
"When you put it like that…"
Maouko seemed a lot more competent the first time around.
"I know what you're thinking, boya. It's not like she got dumber, she's just desperate. That means she fears you, boya."
Regina said, smiling wryly.
"I don't think we'd be able to do anything against Maouko without Regina's help. I mean, the worst thing I can do to Maouko is steal her panties."
That, or try to give her a gender-equality drop-kick.
She stared at me, then started laughing.
"I knew I made the right choice siding with you, boya. If nothing else, it's more fun this way. Hiding in the shadows, plotting and trying to return to my former glory, I got bored of it after a while, to tell the truth."
Regina said, as she glanced to the side.
"I know that Regina is a fallen goddess, but what's your full story?"
"Oh? Curious about my story? You may be fun to be with, boya, but we're not nearly close enough for that."
After brushing me off, Regina laid back down again, bringing the bed sheets up to her chin. She peeked her head out of the sheets and looked at me mischievously.
"I hear that you're going dungeon-shopping with Vanir? Make sure to buy me some souvenirs from Hell~! Now, leave me alone, so I can rest in peace, boya."
"Sure… eh?"
Did she just say… 'Hell'?
Part 3
Vanir took me to an alley near the store. He shooed away some pigeons who were hanging around a trash bin before talking to me.
"Alright, brat. Is thou ready to go to Hell?"
There goes that 'Hell' again!
"Um… Is Vanir joking about that? By 'Hell', do you mean…"
"...? Oh, right. Humans have the notion that Hell is a hellish place, but it's not!"
"Your word choice really contradicts what you're trying to say."
He laughed as if my apprehension was very funny to him.
"Relax, brat. Would moi put thou, who is kindly offering to buy the dungeon of moi dreams, in harm's way? Thou must not hesitate and completely trust moi!"
"You're the one who keeps talking about how devils regularly rip humans off with unfair contracts. Fine, whatever. Let's just get this over with."
I still wasn't completely convinced, but I resolved myself to pull through with this.
Vanir cackled in an unnervingly villainous way. He snapped his fingers. The ground shook and the gravel cracked, the fragments clearing the way for a sleek, black metal door to emerge from the ground.
"Welcome, to the Gates of Hell!"
Vanir said, while grandly gesturing to the door.
"I'm really starting to get second thoughts about this!"
"This is a valuable learning experience for thou. Also, moi needs thou signature to purchase the property…"
"We're buying a dungeon, right? Not buying a home together? And why do we need to go to hell to buy a dungeon, anyway?! Isn't there some kind of dungeon real estate agency here in the mortal realm?!"
I said, pleading that my hopes would be answered.
"There are two ways to make dungeons, brat. One is to become a Lich and use the 'Labyrinth Construction' skill to make one from scratch…"
"Um… Doesn't Vanir personally know a Lich who has the kind of personality to do whatever you want her to, as long as you ask nicely? Why don't you just have her make a dungeon?!"
"The poor shopkeeper still has a good amount of her old humanity left, and so does not qualify as a full Lich. If she had dedicated herself to become a full Lich, then she would look like a skeleton and not a human right now."
I remembered the skeletal appearance of Keele, the Lich who made the beginner-level dungeon near this town.
"Liches, especially full Liches, are a rarity in this world, it would take too long to look for one. However, moi has access to Hell, and that's where thou will find the second method to make a dungeon. To use the dungeon real estate agency in Hell!"
"There really is such a thing?!"
"Of course! The dream of every Devil is to own a dungeon, after all! It is the perfect place to harvest negative emotions! Ah, it makes moi shiver in delight just thinking about it!"
Vanir made a weird, giddy movement that was creepy to look at.
I looked at the black door again.
"...Alright. You convinced me. Let's go."
I said, while my knees were shaking.
"Thou's cowardice is starting to annoy moi! Just go in already!"
"Whoa! Hey!"
Vanir pushed me in and the door opened automatically.
"Gahhh…! Eh?"
I expected some kind of event where I'd fall into a never ending hole and be forced to watch scenes from all circles of hell as I kept falling, but the transition from the alleyway to another location was basically instantaneous.
"...Vanir, is this really Hell?"
"Kukuku… Indeed it is, brat."
"Why does it seem like… Well, normal?"
We ended up in a building that reminded me of a shopping mall.
There were people wearing masks, walking around. The mask designs were different from Vanir but they all gave off a similar feel.
"Wait, this place seems familiar… Doesn't this place look like Kazu-Mall?!"
"Ah, yes. Moi forgot about that. Moi told some friends about the 'mall' thou hast created, and apparently it has become quite a trendy thing here. The dungeon real estate agency has also set up a location in this mall."
I felt a bit weird knowing that I did something to influence the state of affairs in Hell.
I looked around. There were ordinary, commonplace shops that you'd see in any mall. There were even masked devils carrying shopping bags. Some of them were socializing by a water fountain.
"...This place breaks my image of 'Hell' entirely. This place seems pretty normal, pleasant, even."
"That's what moi told thou. Please trust moi from now on!"
First there were things like gift shops in Heaven, and now I find a shopping mall in Hell.
Not only this fantasy world, but the outer-realms are pretty ridiculous, too.
As we were walking around, I noticed that a lot of eyes were on Vanir.
Finally, a masked woman who had very busty features approached Vanir.
"U-Um, Vanir-sama! C-Can I get your autograph?!"
Ah, that's right. Vanir is a big shot in Hell.
"Moi is busy, but here is an exclusive nude photo of moi. Enjoy!"
With a flourish, Vanir produced a picture out of nowhere.
I couldn't get a good look at it, but the woman's eyes bulged as soon as she saw it.
Then, blood started pouring out of her nose.
"N-N-Naked! A picture of Vanir-sama in the nude…!"
"Huh?! What's that! Oi, let me see!"
"Buzz off! Vanir-sama gave it to me!"
Vanir laughed as a crowd was starting to form.
"Now, now! There's one for everybody!"
He threw a bunch of pictures at the crowd.
I still didn't know where he pulled those out from.
As the crowd was fighting over the falling pictures drifting down from the air, Vanir pulled me out and we escaped from the chaos.
"The agency is this way, brat."
"...Does Vanir really keep nudes of him everywhere he goes?"
"Oh? Doth thou want a look? Even though moi appears as a man, devils don't have gender. Thou need not feel ashamed for lusting after moi naked form."
"I'm ashamed to say that you've raised my curiosity immensely. Show me."
Vanir produced a picture. I looked at it.
"..."
"Well? Art thou captivated by moi naked form? This is moi true form, be gracious upon seeing it!"
It was just Vanir's mask laid on top of a bed. There were rose petals around it, for some reason.
Part 4
Every time a crowd gathered around us, Vanir would distract them with his nude pictures, of which he seemed to have an endless supply.
"Moi finds it difficult being popular… Although moi is sure thou does not understand moi plight!"
This devil is acting pretty cocky just because we're in his stomping grounds.
Even though back in the mortal realm, he's just an employee at the least profitable shop in Axel.
This is the emotional high one achieves when they are treated like celebrities in their hometown, I call it the Homecoming Effect.
"Don't get distracted, Vanir. Where's the agency?"
"Thou doth not need to douse moi flames. It's just a bit ahead."
The dungeon real estate agency was sandwiched between a travel agency and a currency exchange provider.
"What do devils need a travel agency for?"
"Hell is an almost endless realm, there's lots of places to explore. If thou wishes, moi can arrange for thy party to have a vacation trip here."
"No thank you."
I denied the offer even though I knew Darkness and Megumin would enjoy such a trip, with the former fantasizing about all the tortures she'll go through in Hell, while the latter would find the entire concept of Hell as 'cool'.
Only Aqua and I would have a bad time, yet this similarity doesn't make me happy at all.
We entered the office. It was a small place but the inside was tidy. There was a receptionist at the front, a woman… or at least, a genderless Devil who appeared as one… wearing a fox-based mask, which reminded me of traditional animal masks back in Japan.
She suddenly stood from her seat as Vanir and I entered. She clearly struggled to control her excitement in favor of maintaining her professionalism.
"W-Welcome to Hell's finest dungeon real estate agency! The boss is available to meet you now! Please, come with me…"
She led us to a corridor. There were a total of seven rooms, three each by the sides and one room at the end of the corridor.
She led us to the last room, knocking on the door. There was a reply from another woman's voice,
"Come in."
The receptionist opened the door and stepped aside for us. I followed Vanir's confident gait. The receptionist closed the door behind us and left.
"Vanir-sama, welcome! And his companion, welcome, too!"
A woman wearing an opera-style mask greeted us.
"Please, take a seat…"
She gestured to the comfortable looking velvet chairs in front of the desk.
After we took our seats, the receptionist returned with a bottle of wine and a tray of snacks.
I took a sip of the wine.
"...! Delicious!"
"This wine is the specialty of the third circle of Hell, Gluttony. And the snacks are devilled eggs. I hope you enjoy them…"
I was a bit suspicious about these products that were supposedly produced from the third circle of hell, but they were too good to pass up.
Then, I started thinking…
"Um, which circle of hell are we in right now?"
"We're in the eight circle, Fraud."
"...Is it really alright to do business in a place called 'Fraud'?"
"Well, then, shall we get started? Vanir-sama, what are you looking for in a dungeon?"
My question was ignored. She opened a folder and took out some sheets of paper, spreading them out on the table.
"Moi cares only about the boss room. For the general layout of the dungeon, I leave it to this brat's discretion. He's the one paying for it, after all! Kekeke!"
Vanir took out a seperate folder and looked through it. The lady didn't even blink an eye when Vanir correctly guessed the right folder without asking. I guess they're all aware of his all-seeing eye.
I looked through the other sheets, but the contents didn't make sense to me.
"Vanir, you brought me here to learn about dungeons. How am I supposed to learn if you're making me do all the work?"
"Isn't it easier to learn through trial and error? And if thou wishes to learn, ask the expert over there, not moi!"
He dismissed me and returned to looking at the boss room designs, a goofy smile on his face as he flipped through the pages.
"Fear not, Vanir-sama's companion. I will help you. Now, what kind of design are you interested in? Perhaps, the classic design, or something a bit more avant garde?"
She showed me two sheets of paper. There was an illustration of the dungeon designs as well as a thorough description of their features.
"Since it's my first dungeon, I guess I want to keep it simple. But before that, Vanir mentioned that there's a way to make profit from dungeons. Can you elaborate on that?"
"Certainly! As you know, us devils can feed on the dark emotions of humans. This is why we treasure dungeons so much, because it is an excellent way to trap humans within and feed on their dark emotions…"
She wiped the drool that leaked out as she was talking about dark emotions as if it were a juicy steak.
"Vanir explained this much to me, but I still don't get how I can use that to earn money."
"It's quite simple. Within the dungeon core, there are several magic crystals. One type of crystal collects the dark emotions of those within the dungeon, while other crystals collect any excess mana produced by the skills and spells of adventurers. Once those crystals are filled up, one can sell the dark emotion crystals to devils, who place a high value on the dark emotions of adventurers. A dungeon master, who is the owner of a dungeon, can also sell the crystals filled with the mana of adventurers. If high-levelled adventurers were to visit the dungeon, they will emit high-quality mana, which will give the dungeon master high-grade mana crystals, in turn."
Such a sophisticated system actually exists.
Perhaps owning a dungeon has its uses after all.
"The brat finally sees the worth of dungeons! Ah, moi has decided on the boss room's design…"
"Excellent choice, Vanir-sama!"
As Vanir presented his choice to the agent, I thought about all the ways I can make use of a dungeon.
In the upcoming battle against Maouko, I'll need all the manpower I can get.
I can always ask the capital for reinforcements, but I don't want to spread the country's defenses too thin. That could be what Maouko is aiming for.
We need to protect Axel by ourselves.
While the town's fighting forces is strong, there were still a lot of noob adventurers residing there.
If I can get them to do some power-levelling in my dungeon, they can provide valuable help in the upcoming battle, while also feeding my crystals.
"I've also decided on my design, but rather than that, about the monsters, it says here that I can choose them?"
"Yes, sir. Here is a catalogue of all our monsters."
In the catalogue, there are the usual monsters like goblins, slimes and undead.
"How do you guys capture monsters? Do you go to the mortal realm and hunt them?"
"We also have monsters here in Hell. Some of the demons and monsters even inter-breed and give birth to new creatures."
"Er… Aren't demons sentient, almost like lesser versions of Devils?"
"That's correct."
"So… Why would they breed with monsters?"
"Sentience doesn't always result in intelligence, sir."
I guess that's an answer I can accept.
"Um, then I'll choose these monsters."
"...! This is…! These are the strongest monsters we have!"
"I can afford it, so it's no problem."
I corresponded with Maxim earlier and he gave me a quick reply. I was worried at first, but it turns out I can afford a dungeon or two just fine.
Again, I am frightened by the wealth I possess.
"It's not a matter of having the funds. As a first time dungeon owner, are you really fine with owning such strong monsters? And this many…"
"If Vanir is going to be the boss, then I'm sure he can keep the monsters in line. Isn't that right, Vanir?"
"Thou can leave it to moi!"
"It's true that the dungeon boss is what keeps the monsters in line, but if the dungeon master himself is so weak… Er, sorry, I didn't mean to imply anything!"
Instead of implying it, she just outright called me weak.
After choosing the design and the monsters, I gave my signature and the agent handed me the deed and some receipts.
I am now officially a dungeon master.
Part 5
Vanir was in a pleasant mood when we left the agency.
No, he had been in this mood since we stepped foot in Hell.
"You seem awfully happy, Vanir."
"How could moi not be happy? Moi lifelong… Or should moi say 'lives-long' dream has been fulfilled! It's all thanks to the brat!"
"Well, I'm glad to help."
"And moi is glad you did! If moi had relied on that decrepit store owner, moi would have had to work for centuries! Hm…"
He trailed off in the middle of his sentence. He had a thoughtful look in his eyes. Then, he said,
"...Moi made a promise to that shopkeeper, that we'd buy a dungeon together. For moi to use the brat to take the easy way out… this leaves a bad taste."
This is the first time I've seen Vanir look so upset.
I sighed, not really sure what to do when faced with this new side of Vanir.
"And who said you and Wiz couldn't keep working together to achieve that goal? I said this earlier, right? You're just renting the boss room. I'm hiring you as an employee. I'm your boss, so why the hell do you think I'll give you any part of the dungeon I spent MY money to buy?!"
Vanir looked at me in surprise for a second. Then he burst into laughter.
"Mu… Muhahahaha! As expected of this greedy brat! Very well! If it's like that, then moi has no problems with this arrangement! This means moi will have to get that penniless shopkeeper to work even harder!"
And just like that, the usual Vanir returned.
"You really care about Wiz, huh?"
"If thou tries to tease the great moi, then thou will get a taste of the Vanir-style deathray…!"
"Please forgive me."
We left it at that.
"As long as thou understands. Ah, as a special service, would the brat like a tour of Hell?"
"No, thanks."
That didn't seem very appealing to me.
"Didn't the brat promise the other brat, the dark goddess loli, about getting her a souvenir? Hm? And moi imagines thy comrades would also like a gift."
I could just imagine a pouting Regina wondering why I didn't get her a souvenir like she asked me to.
"Fine! Just a quick tour, that's it!"
With my reluctant permission, Vanir began showing me around the eight circle of Hell.
Even though heaven, at least, the 'V.I.P.' version of heaven, looked like what I expected it to be, with roads comprised of gold and crystalline rivers running along it, Hell looked a bit too much like the mortal realm for my taste.
The streets were made out of ordinary pavement, the architecture was similar to those found in Belzerg, and aside from the masks, even the devils looked similar to humans. There were some demons scurrying around, but they seemed to be treated like lower-class citizens. Maybe that's why they're treated as foot-soldiers for the Devil King.
As Vanir was leading us through the shopping center, we saw a crowd gathering. There were a mixture of devils and demons, although the majority of those gathered were demons.
I couldn't see past the crowd but Vanir froze in place. He must have seen something with his all-seeing eye.
"Hm? Vanir, what's up? Is something going on in that crowd?"
"Well… Moi supposes it wouldn't hurt to have thou see..."
Saying those cryptic words, Vanir let me go ahead to check it out.
I joined the crowd to see what the commotion was all about.
"...!"
Only to see someone I didn't expect to have encountered at this point in time.
Standing in the middle of the crowd was a girl with red hair, horns and a pair of wings.
"Denizens of hell! I am Maouko, the new Devil King! You may have heard the rumors, that I am building up my army once more! Come! Devils and demons alike! Come under the banner of the new Devil King!"
There were some cheers from the demons, but the devils just rolled their eyes.
"Oi, ojou-chan. Didn't you lose to the heroes already? Just give it a rest."
"Yeah, just be glad the heroes didn't seal you away, or split your body up in different parts and hid it away in secret locations all over the world. That's what happens to Devil Kings who are beaten up by heroes, yanno?"
"Your daddy got lucky. He's currently relaxing in the Devil King retirement home even though he lost to the heroes. Why don't you be a good girl and go visit him?"
Maouko blushed as the spectating devils teased her.
"Shut up! And I already visited daddy! Now, if you don't plan to join me, then frick off! Grr…!"
Was she ever this petulant? She was much more menacing when I last saw her.
As the crowd thinned out, we both made eye-contact.
"..." x 2.
I raised my hand in greeting.
"Yo."
"'Yo' my ass! What the hell are you doing in hell?! Burn in hell!"
That's a hell of a sentence.
She took out her rapier, but before she could attack me, Vanir stepped in between us.
"...! Vanir-san!"
"Now, now. Good children mustn't fight. And hast thou forgotten that acts of violence is expressly forbidden in the nine circles of Hell?"
"Tch…"
Maouko reluctantly sheathed her rapier while still glaring at me.
There's no violence allowed in Hell? My image of Hell has really turned on its head.
"Vanir-san, don't tell me… You're with this bastard?!"
"Indeed! Moi is going shopping with this bastard!"
"Stop calling me a bastard! My father is alive and well… I hope. A-Anyway, this is a good opportunity, so I'll let you in on something, Maouko! You're planning to wage war on us, right? Well, Vanir is on my side now, so let's see you try!"
"Eh?! Vanir-san is really on the enemy's side?!"
Even though I was taking this opportunity to bluff, Vanir refuted me by shaking his head.
"Moi is not on anyone's side. Moi has merely been employed by this brat to protect the town of Axel from thou's army."
"Oho? Then that means Vanir-san will cease protecting the town if I bribe… I mean, pay you more than this bastard is paying you?"
There was a twinkle in her red eyes.
I got a bit nervous. Knowing Vanir, he might actually do Maouko's bidding if the pay is high enough…!
"How much is this bastard paying you?"
"He just bought a dungeon for my use."
"Hyuuukkk!"
Maouko made a weird strangled, wheezing sound the likes of which I've never heard before.
"A-A-A dungeon?! I heard that this bastard is rich, but how much money do you have?! B-But that means that you spent all of your capital getting Vanir-san to help you, right?! I can take advantage of that…"
"No, I'm still plenty rich. I got stacks on stacks, baby."
I couldn't resist giving a smug grin to Maouko, who was starting to deflate.
It's best to demoralize her now as much as possible.
Maybe I can have her give up if she believes that we had the overwhelming advantage.
Already, the demons that have gathered were starting to scatter once they heard that Vanir was on my payroll.
"...Heh. If that's it, then I'll just have to crush you thoroughly. Even Vanir-san, if you get in my way."
Maouko said, with gritted teeth and clenched fists. Her whole body was trembling with anger.
That's right, this is the type of person she is.
Things like bluffing won't work on her.
She's narcissistic, immature and petty, furthermore, a straight-up psychopath.
She started heading my way. My body stiffened, thinking she'd assault me without caring about Hell's laws, but she just kept walking past me.
"Your little lady friend, how is she? I tried killing her last time, but it looks like my pawn failed. I won't take such indirect methods next time…"
She sneered, then kept walking away.
"Oi, Maouko."
"Hah?"
"Take this. Gender equality drop-kiiick!"
"Eh…?! Buwahh!"
I drop-kicked that bitch straight on her head.
Part 6
"...Thou never ceases to astound moi. Even with the all-seeing eye, moi can't predict thou's actions."
Vanir said, as he looked at me through the bars of my jail cell.
"That's right officer. This man… This cruel man… Drop-kicked me right here…"
Maouko was just outside, talking to an officer.
When Maouko saw me looking at her, she stuck her tongue out and flashed a 'V' sign.
I pointed to my head, referring to the large, red bump on her head that grew as a result of my no-holds barred drop-kick.
She snatched her head away with a 'hmph'!
"So… Vanir. How is this looking like? Can you pay for my bail? I'll pay you back."
"Brat, this is hell thou is talking about. Once thou is integrated into the criminal system, there is no escape. Basically, while the rest of Hell's society is civilized and is almost like a utopia, the prisons are more reminiscent of the depictions humanity has of Hell…"
"S-So… Eternally burning inferno? Worms that slither all over your intestines? Ants that crawl out of your eyes? Stuff like that?"
Vanir only nodded his head.
"Hyuuuukkkk!"
I made the strange sound Maouko produced earlier.
"I-Isn't Vanir an Arch-Duke of Hell? Um… Can't you pull some strings?"
To this, Vanir only shook his head.
"Not even moi who is the Arch-Duke can circumvent Hell's justice system. The denizens of Hell take criminal matters seriously. Sinner must be punished."
My original image of Hell is recovering…!
"Well, then, officer, if that's all you need from me, I'll be taking my leave now!"
Maouko stood from her seat. She turned around and purposely winked at me.
That bitch…!
With Maouko gone, the officer who recorded her testimony approached Vanir and I.
"Vanir-san, we get that this human is your companion, but from the evidence we gathered and the eye-witness reports… It doesn't look good."
There was a grave look on Vanir's face.
"But since Vanir-san is the one vouching for this human, this human's sentence has been drastically reduced."
I let out a sigh of relief.
"Instead of ten infinities, he will now serve only five."
"Excuse me?!"
This isn't good for my heart. Forget lasting an infinity, at this rate, I'd die from heart complications in the next ten years or so.
"Cheer up, brat. At the very least, thou won't be lonely in prison. After all, moi has an acquaintance named Maxwell who acts as a torturer there. Ah, and I believe a former minor-lord thou is acquainted with by the name of Alderp is also serving several infinities in prison…"
"I don't care! Is this Vanir's idea of cheering me up?!"
Although it was interesting to hear where that Alderp fatass ended up after he mysteriously disappeared, I didn't want to join him in Hell's prison!
"Oi, Vanir! Try a little bit harder! You won't get to play boss-man in my dungeon if I'm in jail! Do something!"
"Moi is only trying to lighten the mood. Moi is considering every possibility. But even with the all-seeing eye…"
"That all-seeing eye of yours is pretty useless, isn't it?! After all, you couldn't even predict what attack I'd choose in that first battle of ours!"
I was in a total panic, and who could blame me?
I died often enough to develop some kind of mental resistance to the whole dying process, but this is too much…!
Is there anyway to escape? Think, think… When I was in impossible situations before, what did I do?
I need to think about the toughest situations I've managed to weasel my way out of so far…!
The first thing that came to mind was the Destroyer fight. I didn't think we could survive that. And after all that effort, I still got in trouble because that fatass Alderp's mansion blew up due to…
Teleport.
Among the many skills I learned recently, the Teleport spell with its many uses was one of the first I prioritized.
In that Destroyer event, I had Wiz do a random-teleport on the volatile Coronatite core, which ended up decimating Alderp's mansion.
"Say, Vanir, if I happen to break the law again, would my sentence increase?"
"...? Yes, they will add several more infinities to thou's sentence."
As if that would make any difference!
"Fine, if the future is so grim, then I'll just run away from it! Don't underestimate a NEET who ditched school to play video games all day! This is the power of NEETs! Teleport!"
In an instant, I felt an invisible force pulling me away from the inside of my cell, leading me to my desired location.
"Eh? Kazuma? How did you get here?"
I ended up in Megumin's room.
…
...
A/N: As you might be able to tell from the way the plot is progressing, I'm starting to wrap up the story. I have about ten chapters planned until then, not including denouement/extra chapters. I'll try to crank out as many chapters as I can before school starts this fall, so please continue to support the fic.
-BoringBone