Chapter 41: Gifting this Virgin NEET with a Proper Reward!
Proofreader: LordVTP
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Part 1
"Kazuma, what are you doing down there?"
Megumin said, as she stood over my limp form.
"I'm just resting."
"I know that Kazuma is lazy, but to think you'd even take a nap in a dungeon. Surely, that's a bad omen, right? If you suddenly get bad nightmares after this, it might mean that you're being haunted?!"
"Pretty much all of the ghosts that can do any any haunting here is under my employ, so I don't think you need to be worried about that."
"Sigh. Kazuma should just play along sometimes, you know?"
A pouting Megumin reprimanded me.
I just didn't have the energy to do a full blown comedy routine with her at this moment.
After recovering from her fight with Wolbach, Megumin heard about what happened to me and went into the dungeon, hoping to rescue me.
She was a bit too late, but it's the thought that counts.
"Hm… That's strange? Kazuma never really runs out of mana these days. And it looks like you still have some manatite crystals. Here, take them."
"Megumin is an angel. A true angel!"
"S-Stop that. That's embarrassing. And if you're going to call me an angel, at least call me something like 'Dark Angel'."
Megumin looked at me with a hint of suspicion. She's good at sensing when I'm teasing her, these days.
"Ah. The manatite crystal isn't working…"
I tried to absorb the mana, but something was hindering the process.
"That's strange. These are high quality crystals. I think Kazuma's mana systems are in shock. Did you try casting a high level spell during the battle?"
"Something like that. Alright, I think I see the problem now. Megumin, you'll have to carry me out of the dungeon."
"Making a girl carry you… Kazuma, you really lack the qualities of a man sometimes."
"I need help right now, leave my masculinity out of it! I helped Megumin all those times, so time to pay up!"
Megumin might look small, but her strength stats are surprisingly high for a mage. She easily picked me up in a piggy back, in the same way I usually carried her.
"Hm… Even though Kazuma put on some muscles recently, you're still very light."
"I told you to leave my masculinity out of it. Megumin doesn't like it when I tease her about her lack of femininity, so keep that in mind."
"I don't want Kazuma to tease me again, so let's call a ceasefire for now."
As Megumin carried me out of the dungeon, I asked her about the battle that went on outside. Vanir already told me about the result, but he hasn't exactly been completely forthright with the information he provides.
"Darkness commandeered the troops to victory, and I heard that Aqua had a big part in it too. For some reason, there are a lot of people who are talking about Aqua being a goddess? Maybe all the fighting did something to their heads."
Just what happened while I was away?
Part 2
It was already dark outside. It was a bit of a walk from the dungeon to the town. Megumin had to carry me on her back, like I'd do for her after our explosion dates.
If someone saw me like this, even more weird rumors will spread about me.
Thankfully, everyone was too busy with various post-war affairs to notice Megumin and I entering the town.
There were guild staff and construction workers assessing the damage to the town walls and the area where the battle took place.
Officials were going around and taking a census to see if any combatants or townsfolk had gone missing in the confusion of the battle.
Injured fighters were carried on stretchers and taken to the church for healing.
"Aqua is currently in the Axis-cult church, offering free healing. Since she's the best healer, there are a lot of people visiting the normally barren Axis-cult church. Both Aqua and Cecily seemed overjoyed. Also… That rumor about Aqua being a goddess has gotten people curious."
Megumin explained, after I asked about the injured fighters.
"It seems like Aqua is the only one profiteering from all of this."
Aside from Vanir.
"Normally it's Kazuma who makes lots of profits despite not contributing anything meaningful. You should give Aqua the chance to shine once in a while."
"If I let her do that, she'll quickly become conceited and spoiled. It's bad enough that people found out that she's really a goddess..."
"Eh? Does Kazuma also believe that rumor? You're more gullible than I thought. So how come you don't believe me when I boast and brag about my power?"
"So you finally admit that those were all just exaggerated lies?"
I suppose, after all that's happened, it's the right time to tell Megumin and Darkness about our secrets.
It's not like we've intentionally been keeping them secret. Aqua proclaims herself to be a goddess all the time. I've never really had a good opportunity to share mine, that I'm a reincarnated hero from another world. And even if I did have the opportunity before, those two would have thought that I was pulling their leg, or that I had gone crazy, like Aqua.
No one noticed our presence as Megumin carried my limp body to the mansion. There didn't seem to be anyone home. Megumin told me what Aqua was doing, but I didn't know about Darkness's status.
"...Yeah, it's strange. Darkness lead everyone to victory, but she ran off somewhere after the battle. I think she went back to the Dustiness mansion? And for some reason, people are saying that she was wearing some kind of new black armor. That sounds cool! I wish I was there to see it!"
Megumin said, as she set me down by the porch and worked on opening the door. She picked me up again after she opened the door and walked in.
"It seems like everyone got their moment to shine. Even Megumin had that fateful battle with Wolbach. Of course, I was also engaged in my own important battle…"
"People are saying that Kazuma's battle had nothing to do with the war, and it was something that he brought on himself. If that's true, then doesn't that mean that Kazuma was completely useless this time around?"
"Who's spreading that rumor?! Wait, the only one who knows is Vanir, it's him, isn't it?!"
I thought that Vanir already had his fill of messing with me.
The house looked like it was empty since the lights weren't on, and I didn't hear any noise from outside.
I forgot about the ghostly resident in our home, the original inhabitant of this house.
Anna came floating in, completely unseen by Megumin. But I was all too aware of her presence, especially as she rushed toward me and attempted a hug, only to phase through my body.
"Welcome back, Kazuma-san!"
"Y-Yeah, I'm back."
I muttered to myself, not wanting to look strange while I talked to an invisible being.
Not that there's any point in trying not to look strange in front of Megumin. Being strange is her forte.
"I had a lot of fun during the battle! It was fun to command the golem troops while piloting my own Golem! I beat up a lot of bad guys today! Praise me!"
"Good job."
Anna-chan presented her head to me, as if I could pat it. I patted the general area where her head would be, if it physically existed. The gesture was awkward, but Anna-chan still seemed to be happy with it.
"Ehe~ Oh, by the way, Kazuma-san, some woman is here. I don't know how she got in, but she was already here before I arrived. She didn't seem like a threat, though. She's taking a bath right now."
A bath? Could it be…
While I was chatting with Anna-chan, Megumin went upstairs. She must have entered the bathroom because I suddenly heard a surprised yelp from her,
"Ehhh?! M-Master… I mean, Wolbach-san?!"
"Oh? H-Hello."
I followed the commotion upstairs. Megumin was standing outside of the bathroom, mouth agape. When I tried to look inside, Megumin's quick reflexes let her cover my eyes in time before I could catch a glimpse of the nude and bathing Wolbach.
"Ah, Kazuma-kun is here. I liked the hot spring baths in your dungeon, thanks for inviting me. But then I heard a lot of noises. Seems like there was some kind of big battle in the dungeon. So I asked around and found your home. Since you invited me to your dungeon to bathe, I assumed you'd extend the invitation to your home and let me bathe here as well, right? Thank you for your hospitality."
"You're welcome, no rather, how did you get in our house in the first place?"
"I have my methods."
Megumin's hand is quite small, so I could still see a significant portion of the nude Wolbach. She's contentedly soaking in the bath after trespassing and making herself at home. I saw that Chomusuke is also in the bath. She's floating in a wash bucket, in a pool of her own bath water.
The two halves have finally made contract, but the fateful reunion resulted in a non-event.
"...Sorry, I thought it was a good idea to find shelter here instead of spending the night in a jail cell like the guards wanted me to, but I guess it's a bit weird, just randomly breaking in."
Is this woman really a goddess of violence? And a former enemy at that? She seems kind of socially-awkward.
...And did she just admit to ditching the guards who were tasked to watch over her?
"Well… I-I guess it's fine, right, Kazuma?"
And here's yet another socially-awkward girl.
"Excuse us, Wolbach-san. Megumin isn't good with surprises. I'll take her out and cool her head for a while with some Iced Neroid."
"...I really don't like the formal tone. Just Wolbach is fine. Oh, and some Iced Neroid sounds great. Please bring me some, too."
This house-crasher sure is making herself comfortable.
Part 3
After Megumin was able to calm down, the freshly bathed Wolbach joined us in the living room.
I gave her Darkness's bathrobe to wear because they have similar builds. Wolbach sat across from us while sipping on Iced Neroid. Wolbach rubbed Chomusuke's fur as the cat nestled on her lap.
"Um… First of all, what will happen to Chomusuke now that Wolbach has found her?"
I asked this question after noticing Megumin look at Chomusuke with a conflicted look.
She's worried that Wolbach might take Chomusuke away.
"...Aside from the weird name you gave her, I don't really have any problems with her current master. I'm no longer under Maouko's influence, so I don't really have a strong desire to combine with my other half anymore. In fact, I feel like that will just bring more trouble than it's worth. Just keep her for now."
Wolbach nudged Chomusuke with her hand. Chomusuke lifted her head up, made eye contact with Wolbach, and some kind of silent exchange was made. Chomusuke leapt from Wolbach's lap and landed on Megumin's.
Megumin couldn't hide her smile as she stroked her familiar's fur.
"Nyaa~"
Chomusuke purred as it resumed resting, but this time, on her real master's lap.
"See? That settles it. Take care of my other half for me."
"T-Thank you!"
These two should be strangers, but they give me the air of two sisters.
It's not like they had anything in common aside from explosion magic, and it's not like they've known each other very well, even though they had obvious history.
The admiration mostly comes from Megumin's side.
And yet, it felt like these two strangers had a lot to talk about, and a lot to catch up on.
"Hmm… I'm tired from my fight, so I think I'll go ahead and sleep early. Good night."
"Eh, Kazuma?!"
Megumin cried out to me as I left her alone. She was probably hoping that I'd stay and help her get over her awkwardness around Wolbach.
As much as I'd like to help her, I felt like I'd only intrude once they get some rapport going.
…
…
After brushing my teeth and washing up, I put on my pajamas and went to bed. Anna floated behind me. I've gotten used to her presence, whereas before, I found the idea of a ghost watching my every move really creepy.
It was still a bit creepy, but humans can surprisingly put up with a lot of stuff once they get acclimated to something.
For example, I once found Megumin's explosion magic troublesome, and yet, I just learned that same spell.
I took out my skill card and stared at the unlocked explosion spell, just to make sure it was actually there.
I've unlocked all of the skills on my card now… Well, everything except Nature's Beauty.
"Sigh… Might as well."
I swiped my finger and spent 5 skill points on that worthless skill.
I'm a completionist, so having unlocked all skills except for one really bothered me.
Still, it made me feel like I lost now that I've learned the skill. I could just see Aqua's smug face once she finds out I learned it.
Speaking of Aqua, she still hasn't arrived home. Same with Darkness.
The house was quiet for once. I could actually hear Wolbach and Megumin's chatter a little bit, especially when they both laughed at something.
I'm glad they're getting along well.
That reminds me…
Didn't Megumin promise a reward if I reach an ending where both Megumin and Wolbach can be happy?
She never specified what this 'reward' was, but based on Megumin's expression at the time, it didn't seem like she was talking about the usual blue balling escapades.
"M-Maybe I should take a proper bath?!"
"Hm? Why is Kazuma-san getting up? You usually start your 'nightly routine' by now… I'm waiting! I bet you're going to do it to that Wolbach woman this time, right?"
Anna-chan made her usual dirty comment as I headed to the bathroom for a quick wash.
Before soaking into the hot bath, I made sure to scrub every inch of my body, especially down there…
I don't know what's going to happen, or how I'll react at the time it happens, but I should at least prepare for any and all possibilities!
After washing myself off, I entered the bathtub.
This is the same bathwater Wolbach washed in before. How lewd. A naked, busty woman had soaked in this same bath. I'm really lucky tonight.
But I can't be thinking about other women when I need to dedicate every fiber of my being to Megumin tonight.
Fufufu.
Mother, father… here, in another world, I will finally become a man.
I lingered in the bath for five minutes. When I stood up and prepared to leave, I noticed a peculiarity with my skin. It was red all over.
"Ow…"
"That's what Kazuma-san gets for scrubbing too hard…"
Due to my excessive scrubbing, my skin was red from abrasion.
"Why is Kazuma-san trying so hard all of a sudden? You usually don't care about hygiene."
I don't like how she's making me seem like some kind of unwashed NEET.
Those days when I only took two baths a week are long behind me.
"Anna-chan wouldn't understand. These are adult matters."
I couldn't really do anything about my reddened skin except wait for it to return to my natural skin tone. I stepped out of the bath and wrapped a towel around myself.
I headed over to the sink and looked into the mirror. After seeing that the redness of my skin had abated somewhat, I grabbed a vial of cologne from the cosmetics and toiletries drawer. I sprayed a mist on myself.
"Technically, I'm already an adult. If Kazuma-san needs advice from an adult, please ask me!"
Anna-chan proudly twirled around as she floated behind me. She refused to let my insult about her apparent age slide.
I don't care if she's already a grandma in ghost years, she still looks like a snot-nosed brat to me.
I returned to my room. Looking over my dressing table mirror, I looked for any blemishes on my face. Condensation from the hot bath had covered the bathroom mirror, which made it difficult for me to see the finer details of my appearance.
"Why is Kazuma-san so worried about his appearance? Only handsome and beautiful people should be worried about such things. Why would you worry about your looks when you don't have any?"
Anna-chan, perhaps still irked by my age comment, kept looking for things to insult me with.
"Even slightly below average looking guys like me have some standards. And at least I'm alive and healthy. Anna-chan is pretty and cute, but it's not like anyone can see it!"
"Sniff… So mean…"
"E-Eh? B-But you started it? I'm sorry…?!"
Her comment made me feel a bit insecure, and so I lashed out. I didn't mean to hurt her with my careless remark.
I'm not used to dealing with crying girls. Except for Aqua. I don't blink twice when I see her cry her crocodile tears.
"Jokes aside, what is all this preparation for? Is Kazuma-san expecting something lewd to happen? Is he banking on Megumin-san to finally go all the way with him? Or perhaps he thinks Wolbach-san will night raid him? Or perhaps both?!"
The tears disappeared without a trace as Anna-chan brought the topic back to her favorite subject... lewd talk.
I tried not to imagine the scenarios Anna-chan presented.
If I get too excited, I'll lose control and screw it up. Again.
"None of your business! And in the event that something does happen, I expect Anna-chan to go away! I don't want to see you at the corner watching me get intimate… If something actually happens, then buzz off!"
"So it's ok if Kazuma-san doesn't notice or see me? Very well then. That's even more exciting. Hehe…"
"Listen, if I see your ghostly head phasing through the wall and staring at me, I'll go soft…"
As I was lecturing Anna-san, there was a knock on the door.
"Kazuma? Are you still awake?"
That was unmistakably Megumin's voice.
"..." x 2.
Anna-chan and I both looked at each other.
"Anna-chan."
"Yes, Kazuma-san?"
"Don't make me use Turn Undead on you."
"You'd really go that far?!"
"I'm not going to let anyone ruin this for me. Even if I have to exorcise Anna-chan, I won't hesitate to do it."
"Uwaa… You're actually serious. I knew you were kind of a scumbag, but isn't this really pathetic?"
"Anna-chan wouldn't understand how momentous this occasion is for me. Please, just leave now before I do something drastic…!"
"I get it! I underestimated how desperate Kazuma-san is to lose his virginity! I'll leave you alone, I promise! You don't need to resort to murder! Please have a good time!"
Is exorcising a ghost even considered murder?
I can only imagine that I'd receive good karma for it.
As Anna-chan disappeared into the shadows, hopefully she wasn't spying on me, I answered Megumin.
"Come in, my darling…"
The door opened. Megumin came in, wearing her pajamas. She wasn't carrying Chomusuke with her. This is already a good sign! Normally, she'd bring Chomusuke whenever she visited my room, and Chomusuke would act as a deterrent and claw at my face if I got too handsy.
"Good evening, Kazuma. Are you excited for your reward...?"
"...!"
W-What's with this teasingly seductive tone?!
Is this really the same Megumin who had all kinds of conditions and boundaries when we first started dating?!
She's really come so far since then?!
"W-Wait, let me prepare my heart for this!"
I thought that I would leap at the chance to do all kinds of lewd things once Megumin permits it, but I started chickening out at the last second.
Maybe all those rude things Darkness keeps saying about me has some truth to them.
Megumin giggled and let herself in. She came up to the bed and asked,
"Can I lie down with you?"
"S-Sure…"
We've done this every night since we started our routine of chatting while laying together in bed, but none of those times had this kind of electric feeling.
Like usual, I offered her my arm and she laid her head on it. This position was awkward at first, since my arm would fall asleep within the first ten minutes.
Over time, we developed a position that would leave the blood circulation in my arm undisturbed. Instead of laying directly on my arm, Megumin would scoot up and put her head somewhere in between my shoulders and my triceps.
This also meant that her face was very close to mine.
"Your face is red, Kazuma."
"O-Of course it is! Why isn't Megumin more embarrassed?!"
"...I'm a bit embarrassed, but I'm also really happy. Very happy."
Her eyes were glowing red as she looked at me. Then I felt her right hand go to my chest, resting in a semi-hug.
"Kazuma did something I can never forget. You gave me the happy ending I asked for."
"Are you talking about how I found a way to rescue Wolbach…?"
She nodded, her dark hair shifting along, brushing against my neck and tickling it.
"I… had already resolved myself to killing her. I could really only see it ending like that. At the very least, I'd show her my greatest explosion. I owed her that much…"
"Wait, so you didn't think that I'd pull through in the end?"
"It's not like I doubted Kazuma, but I'm a pragmatic girl. I like to consider myself a realist. I didn't really think that a fairy tale ending like that would come true, especially when we were at war…"
"I don't think I can really say that Megumin is a 'realist'..."
I don't think I can put that label on anyone in her clan.
"Hmph. I'm really happy and thankful right now, so I'll ignore that."
Her tone suggests I shouldn't push my luck, though.
"In that case… I guess Megumin wasn't really expecting to give me that reward…"
"No, not really."
I guess I should have seen this punchline coming.
Well, I guess I'll have to douse myself in cold water again. Maybe I should have postponed that bath I took earlier…
"Don't get me wrong. I meant what I said. I promised to give Kazuma a reward, and I've prepared myself mentally since then. I just didn't expect that you'd actually give me the happy ending I wanted… and yet here we are."
"...Eh?"
No, no, no. Wait, hold on.
This is the part where the punchline reveals itself, and I get made into a laughing stock.
"Haha. Alright, what's the catch? Is Aqua going to come in here and invite you to a girls-only slumber party before I get a chance to do anything? Is Megumin going to change her mind at the last second? I bet something like that will happen!"
"Huh? What's Kazuma talking about?"
Megumin blinked twice as I started listing off all the things I was expecting to go wrong.
"Come on, there's no way this will happen so easily. Maybe Maouko escapes from prison and comes here to declare revenge? Or… I bet…"
I get up and slide my arm from under Megumin, pulling it out.
"Wah!"
She rolls off rather comedically. I stride to the closet and grab the handle.
I violently open it…!
"I bet Darkness is hiding here and peeping on us! Oi, come out you perverted noble…!"
The closet was empty.
"...Kazuma, what are you on about? Are we gonna do this or not?"
I turned around only to see Megumin unbuttoning her pajama top.
"..."
Hold on.
This isn't right.
I am Satou Kazuma, a man whose only talent is a high Luck stat, and yet one unlucky thing keeps happening to me one after another.
One of those unlucky things, at least at the start, was being forced to take in this crazy explosion loli into my party after she blackmailed me.
Happy, fortunate events like this don't happen to me without some kind of punchline or twist that ruins it in the end.
So, when it actually happens...
"Waaiit! I said waaaitt!"
I started freaking out.
"Eh? Kazuma, really, is there something wrong with you tonight? This is what you wanted since we started dating, isn't it? I can't remember the amount of times you've given me passive-aggressive comments for neglecting your needs as a man…"
"T-That's true, I guess I really am the weird one here!"
I was looking forward to this so much.
I can tell that it's difficult for Megumin to offer herself like this, and it's taking a lot of her courage and willpower.
She's doing this for me, out of gratitude, and…
...Is that the problem?
"Maybe... I'd be more into it if Megumin came here on a whim. But knowing you're doing this out of obligation to your promise is… I don't know, it makes me feel weird."
"Kazuma…"
"Yes…?"
"You can be honest with me. I promise I won't cry. Are you… interested in men?"
"Say what?! No, that's not what's going on here…!"
"Then what? I really don't understand!"
It's not like I understand it myself.
Everything I've ever felt about Megumin was released all at once, and my mind was in disarray trying to sort through the emotions.
"Megumin, the truth is, I'm saving myself for marriage."
To save myself from this emotional turmoil, I started saying random things.
"...Huh?"
Megumin gave me the most disbelieving look I've ever seen from her.
"Kazuma, please don't tell such blatant lies. The gods will punish you."
She's not falling for it.
"W-Why is Megumin having such a hard time believing me? I just want to be a good Eris-tian boy! I don't swear. I only say frick. And I'm also saving myself for marriage! If we do naughty things before marriage, my thing will fall off!"
"...Am I really that unattractive?"
Megumin's shoulder dropped and the joy from earlier left her eyes.
"Ah, no, no, no! When it comes to appearance, doesn't everyone say that Megumin is a beauty?! Even those noblemen from Elroad tried to hit on Megumin, right?! In fact, most of the guys I talk to say that Megumin is a beauty, and the only thing holding them back from trying to court you is your personality and obsession with explosions…!"
"I think I get it. Kazuma really wants to die tonight."
Her eyes are glowing again, but for a different reason altogether.
Here it comes.
So, the punchline to all of this is Megumin blowing up my room with explosion.
I guess I should have seen that one coming…!
"Fine. I also expected this. Kazuma is a coward. He talks big, but when it comes time to do it, he always bails out. This was already an established fact, I guess I'm not surprised."
The animosity left Megumin's expression as she heaved a resigned sigh. She shrugged her shoulders as if to say 'what can I do?'
She turned around and buttoned up her top again. I couldn't help but breathe out as the tension in my shoulders left me.
"If we're not going to do anything tonight, then how about we have our first kiss, at the very least?"
"...Eh?"
"Kazuma keeps saying 'eh?' tonight. Is what I'm saying really that difficult to understand?"
I don't know why my IQ drops by 80 points whenever I'm in these kinds of situations with Megumin.
"W-Well… Having a first kiss just like that… it's not very romantic."
"Is Kazuma actually a maiden, or what?!"
Having had enough of my antics, Megumin threw a pillow at me out of frustration.
"I'm never going to take anything Kazuma says seriously anymore! If I tell the girls in the guild about how you're really like in private, I bet they'll stop calling you Kazu-trash and Scum-zuma! Maybe they'll even let you bathe with them in the public baths, have slumber parties with you, and treat you like one of the girls!"
"I'm sorry, I really am! I'm a poor excuse of a man!"
That's what it essentially boils down to, isn't it?
For all my talk and bragging, I guess I really don't have the guts to go all the way even when a girl gives me every green-light imaginable.
I'm a softie at heart.
I see that now.
"...Ugh. But even now, I can't help but think that this sensitive side of Kazuma is just so… so cute! It's just unfairly adorable! God, why do I like you so much?! Gahhh!"
Megumin took the remaining pillow on the bed, buried her face, and shrieked into it.
I walked over to the bed and sat on the edge as Megumin kept hiding her face in the pillow.
I really screwed this up. Megumin came here prepared to give me everything. I bet she's really humiliated right now…
"Sorry. I guess… maybe give me a day. W-We can have a date tomorrow and we can have our first kiss when the mood is right…"
"Hah? What makes you think you'll get anything after the stunt you pulled tonight, you coward!"
"Erk… Well, I guess I deserve that."
"Hmph. You have one more chance. If you don't impress me with the best date ever tomorrow, I won't come to your room like this ever again!"
"I-I promise I won't screw up! I'm unbeatable when I have prep time!"
And so, what was supposed to be a night when I finally lose my virginity ended up with a promise of a date.
To rub salt on my wounds, I saw Anna-chan's head phase through the wall. She just looked at me and shook her head in disappointment before phasing away.
Part 4
With the war over, the town's functions continued on as usual.
Businesses were open again, and people felt safe enough to wander the streets freely.
Only one day had passed, but it almost felt like a month or two had already gone by since my battle with Aesir.
Which reminds me, I needed to ask Vanir what happened to that guy… and if he managed to convince Hell not to send anymore goons after me.
Aside from that, there's also a lot of things I needed to address.
Foremost of my priorities was the exposure of Aqua's godhood.
Heeding what Megumin told me yesterday, I headed over to the Axis-cult church.
I almost didn't believe what Megumin told me, attributing it to another one of her exaggerations.
But true to what she said, the Axis-cult church was indeed full of people seeking an audience with Aqua.
When I went inside, there weren't even any available seats for me. I joined the people who were standing in the narrow passage between the pews
Standing on the orator's platform was Aqua, fully clothed in fabulous robes, her divine hagoromo draped over her shoulders. Cecily stood by her side, holding a jeweled ornament in the shape of the Axis-cult emblem. Cecily wore the finest nun habit I've ever seen, even though nuns, on principle, shouldn't be going around wearing flashy garments.
Those shiny new things were probably purchased on my expense.
"Repent, sinners, for worshipping the lying goddess, Eris! You have been deceived! She is not as kind and selfless as you think! She's a liar! In fact, did you know that she pads her chest?!"
I expected the crowd to start rioting after those blasphemous words, but they seemed to consider Aqua's words carefully.
"If a goddess is saying it, then it must be true…"
"Yeah, even though her cult is known for being a bunch of weirdos, this is a true goddess after all."
"If goddess Eris is really as benevolent as they say, then how come she didn't help us in the war? Aqua fought in the frontlines and saved a lot of people from death…"
"Yeah! Come to think of it, hasn't Aqua been helping us all this time?! She even fraternized with us and drank beer with us! She's been on our side this whole time…!"
"Aqua-sama…!"
These guys are actually accepting that Aqua is a goddess?!
Even though they called her names like idiot priest before, even though they often tricked her into gambling with them and took all her money…!
"...What you said about Eris-sama, that is not truuue!"
Someone from the Eris-order finally refuted all the nasty gossip Aqua was spreading about Eris.
Wait, that voice…
I turned around and saw Darkness… except her adamantite armor is now completely black. Her eyes are also weird. Her blue pupils have been replaced by stark, yellow ones.
Darkness never came home for the night, and I think Aqua only came home to sleep, but immediately went out again once morning arrived, probably to set up this huge sermon she's having right now.
I remembered that Eris couldn't come to my aid because she was dealing with a problem Darkness caused. Is this strange appearance of hers related to that problem?
Before I could ask Darkness about her appearance, Aqua came down from her platform and strode towards Darkness, stomping along the way. The crowd parted before her. Cecily dutifully followed behind, still carrying the Axis-cult ornament.
"Hoh? So, you finally came out of hiding, Darkness! Or should I say… Dark Darkness!"
I can see where Aqua is coming from. But the cliche of putting 'Dark' before someone's name once they achieve an edgy, dark form just doesn't work with Darkness. For obvious reasons.
"Kuh! M-My unfortunate cursed form is not important! First of all, is Aqua really a goddess?!"
"Fu… Despite all you've seen and the miracles I've performed in that battle, you still doubt me? Oh, you, of feeble mind! Just look at this divine hagoromo closely, and try to tell me that I'm not a divine being known as a goddess!"
"Mmmph!"
Aqua shoved her hagoromo at Darkness's face and nearly gagged Darkness with it. Of course, Darkness seemed to enjoy the treatment.
"It's true… We borrowed the lie detecting bell from the police station, and it seems like Aqua really is a goddess! Either that, or she's so delusional that she's utterly convinced herself into thinking that she is one!"
"Yeah! And she even showed us her adventurer's card and it says that her race is 'goddesss'!"
"I thought that she forged that into her card somehow when she showed it off before, but looks like it's real…"
"A-Aqua really is a goddess…"
Darkness said, looking like her whole world just got turned upside down.
Not like I can blame her. Suddenly learning that your slob of a housemate is a real goddess would be enough to make anyone reevaluate their perception of reality as they know it.
I, myself, can hardly believe it at times, and I've known the truth all along.
"...E-Even more so! Since Aqua is a goddess, then why is she spreading false rumors about Eris-sama?! And why are you inciting these people to blaspheme against her?!"
That's her first mistake. Just because she's a goddess, doesn't mean she's inherently good. This is Aqua we're talking about.
This same fallacy is why I don't trust nobles anymore, after meeting people like our Lalatina ojou-chan here.
"I'm merely stating the facts! It is my duty to tell the truth to the people, no? And if Eris wants to prove me wrong, then why can't she just come down here and try to disprove my words, huh…?!"
"Er… Well, that is…"
Darkness stumbled on her words, unable to find a way to argue against Aqua.
"That's true…"
"Maybe this is Eris-sama's way of conceding defeat to a superior goddess?"
"It is a known fact that Eris-sama is subservient to Aqua after all…"
Oi, just because she's Aqua's kouhai, it doesn't mean she's subservient to her.
"No! This can't be! I know for a fact that Eris-sama has large breasts!"
"?!"
Darkness suddenly made an astounding revelation.
Every male in the church, myself included, stood at attention.
"...Please go on."
"E-Eh? You want me to go up to the podium?"
With their heads lowered in profound silence, the males urged Darkness along to the podium in order to have her deliver onto us this divine prophecy…
Some guy also made sure to bring the lie detecting bell to the stand.
Silence filled the church as we all waited to hear Darkness expand on her claims.
"Er… Well, I won't go into details, but I saw it. In fact, you could say that I've been cursed by this form because I've seen something no mortal should be allowed to witness…"
There was a collective 'gulp' from the males.
Perhaps noticing what she needed to do to clear Eris's name, Darkness played to the expectation of the people and spoke in a dramatic tone,
"Eris-sama… doesn't pad her chest."
Tears were wept.
Some fell to their knees in exultation.
Light shone through the painted glass ceiling, and a white bird entered the church and glided in circles above Darkness's head, like a halo.
And the bell didn't ring.
"How big were they?!"
"What color…?! Pink?! Red?! Were they like pepperoni slices or were they like mosquito bites?! Innies or outies?!"
"Would you describe them as watermelons or cantaloupes?!"
Amidst the commotion, three priests wearing black robes suddenly appeared behind Darkness, emerging from her shadow. They seemed to have been cursed with the same affliction as Darkness.
...Seriously, what happened to you, Darkness?
"Fear not, brethren. We will show you…"
Their shadows combined into one and pooled into a large, ambiguous shape, like a puddle.
But before the others could start fearing it, a marble slab emerged from the shadows.
Then, the shadows formed into many tendrils and carved into the marble…!
Shaved marble flew from the snapping tendrils. And after the whipping and lashing, a humanoid shape began to take form.
Unlike the traditional statues depicting Eris, this one actually looks like the real thing.
With her face in a startled expression, I assumed that they are displaying the exact moment when they somehow witnessed Eris in the nude.
And finally…
It was completed.
The statue was a work of art, but all of our eyes gravitated to only one part.
"...My god."
"It's beautiful…"
"Today, I now truly understand what the word 'salvation' means."
As we were all mesmerized by the image before us, Aqua looked on in disbelief.
"T-This means nothing! Aren't these guys really suspicious?! I mean, look at those shadowy things! Darkness even admitted that she was cursed! And even if the bell isn't ringing, it doesn't mean that they're not lying!"
The same goes for you too, though.
"...Very well. I guess the only way to settle this is to have Eris-sama say her piece."
Darkness said solemnly, still maintaining her dramatic tone. She was blushing, which means she realizes how ridiculous this is, but she can't have her religion suffer an ideological defeat, no matter what.
"Oh? Then what do you propose, then?"
"...The war interrupted the last day of the Eris thanksgiving festival, did it not? We shall continue the festivities tonight! I'm sure Eris-sama will appear during the last night of the festival and challenge Aqua's truthless claims…!"
"Ohhhh!"
The crowd erupted into an excited roar at Darkness's declaration.
Oi. Darkness is a staunch follower of Eris, but is she really authorized to decide these things?
"Fine! There's supposed to be a beauty pageant that was delayed, right? Have Eris appear before the town at that time and join the pageant! Of course, I will also participate as a contestant! Then, we'll leave it up to the audience to finally decide who the superior goddess is!"
"Let's hear it for Aqua-sama!"
Taking advantage of the hyped up crowd, Cecily rose the Axis-cult ornament like a trophy and stirred the crowd.
"Show her who's boss, Aqua…!"
"I'll root for Eris-sama no matter what…!"
Darkness and Aqua didn't notice me among the crowd due to all the commotion.
I used Lurk and escaped before they could drag me into this mess they made.
Part 5
News about the continuation of the Eris festival spread throughout the town by word-of-mouth.
And also a fair bit of aggressive marketing by Aqua and the Axis-cult.
Yes, she called upon her followers and had them come to Axel.
Isn't it forbidden for goddesses to meddle this much in human affairs?
I know that Aqua's situation is different since she came down with me as my 'cheat', but still, I'm worried about what her bosses might do.
Then again, it seems they keep letting Aqua get away with all sorts of things, for some reason.
Even though they seemed to be strict on Eris. I hope there isn't any favoritism going on.
And if anybody should be the favorite, it should be Eris, not Aqua.
The festive atmosphere was returning to the town, and along with it was the celebratory mood that lingered from the victorious war efforts.
However, I couldn't indulge in the festivities. I had some important tasks to do.
The most important of them was the promised date with Megumin. Her threat about not letting me do any lewd things forever if I screw up seemed pretty real. I should take this seriously.
...I'll also try to purge the pathetic state I was reduced to last night out of my memory.
Aside from that, I also had other things to take care of. First, I should give Vanir a visit.
When I went over to Wiz's shop, I noticed that there were a lot of people waiting outside, even though the shop has yet to open.
Most of the people waiting were adventurers, but there were some merchants wearing expensive clothing as well.
"What's going on here?"
I recognized the familiar faces of Keith, Lean and Taylor among the adventurers lining up for Wiz's shop.
"Oh, Kazuma? How did your battle go? I heard that you fought some strong dude. Good job."
Is that all the credit I get for beating the final boss?
Well, I guess in their perspective, they're the ones who beat the real commander of the army, Maouko.
I should also check up on her, too. I hope they put her in a secure prison.
"The people who fought in the war went back to the battlefield to collect the loot the demon army dropped, but when we got there, it was all gone. Then someone who works in this shop started advertising that they're selling demonic items… I guess they got to the loot first. Even merchants who want rare items caught wind of it and now everyone is gathering here."
Keith said with a begrudging tone as he looked at the shop. All of the adventurers here seemed resentful, probably because the loot they fought for was already scavenged before they could collect it. The merchants here were the only ones who didn't have any animosity towards the shop.
I get that Vanir wants to make a profit, but wouldn't it hurt his business in the future if the town's adventurers have ill will towards him?
The doors to the shop opened and Vanir came out with his arms spread wide in welcome.
"Welcome, all, to Wiz's magic item shop! To the victors… have thou come to collect thy spoils of war? Mwahahaha!"
"Boooo! You thief!"
"How dare you steal our loot!"
"Yeah, I saw you protecting the town, but you didn't actually fight in the war!"
The adventurers among the crowd, understandably, expressed their grievances to Vanir, who is openly mocking and taunting them.
"If thou had cometh here just to whine and complain, please leave! Now, the wealthy merchants, please come inside…"
The merchants rubbed their hands together as they pushed through the crowd of protesting adventurers.
Sigh… I feel bad for everyone. And I can only imagine how troubled Wiz will be when the town's adventurers start speaking ill of her shop.
"Oi, Vanir. I'll pay for all the items, so just let the adventurers take them."
The protests died down and the merchants halted in their tracks.
"Ohhhhh!"
"Kazuma, you the real MVP!"
"Kazuma! Kazuma! Kazuma!"
The crowd of adventurers started cheering my name. Meanwhile, the merchants glared my way as they made their way out.
"Now then, this way, this way! Moi will divide the items based on who is responsible for slaying the demon who originally owned it! I'll even pack the loot in boxes for you!"
"Hey, he's right… I do recognize these weapons!"
Did Vanir intend to do this from the start? Giving the adventurers the loot they deserve…
I guess he just wanted to get my money in the process.
"Ah, boy! Moi will settle accounts with thou later…"
Vanir said in a dismissive tone when I approached him. He was busy dealing with the customers.
"Hey, Vanir, do you have any news about what happened to Aesir? Or what Hell will do to me, for that matter…"
"If thou wants any news, then pay up."
"Didn't you already get a lot of money from me just now?! You've been really greedy lately!"
"Muhahaha! Moi supposes that thou has a point… But fear not! Moi has settled the problem with Hell!"
I breathed out a sigh of relief.
"Thou hath fallen one of the most powerful Arch-Dukes of Hell, and thou also has my backing. I've also convinced my associates to back you as well. Yes, although thou doesn't know him, thou should thank Zereschrute and Maxwell…"
Who are these guys? Vanir's devil pals?
"And it also helps that thou has a strong following in Hell, especially now that thou hath defeated Aesir. They think that even though you're a human, you're even more merciless and cunning than most devils… Thou should be flattered!"
"I don't find that flattering at all."
I'm not happy about the reason why, but I'm satisfied as long as they won't give me any problems from now on.
"And about Aesir…?"
"His soul is back in Hell, but since he lost all his lives in the mortal realm, he won't be able to come back for quite some time. He's also pretty traumatized after losing to a human… Thou really gave him quite a beating!"
I felt sorry for the guy. Just a bit.
"Oh, which reminds me, any news about Beldia?"
"Yes, that dullahan's soul hath also returned to Hell, but he is still contracted to thou. The dungeon will eventually respawn him in a new body since that dullahan is contracted as thou's dungeon boss…"
I guess that's how the monsters in the dungeon keep respawning even after they're killed by adventurers. Beldia hasn't died yet, so I didn't know if it'd also work for him
Even Beldia is safe. I guess things really did work out in the end.
...And I wonder just how much of it is due to Vanir's influence.
He uses his powers to shift the future and fate itself to his favor. He benefits from the outcome, but, incidentally, everyone ends up happy as well...
He's a meddling devil, but I can't help but think that he's actually a good guy.
Vanir left me on my own to continue dealing with the adventurers. Since my main business with him was dealt with, I left him alone and went over to talk to Wiz and Serena.
"Kazuma-san! I heard that you bought a lot of our items! Thank you! Perhaps Regina-sama was right about her presence bringing good luck to our shop?!"
"I don't know what that Regina told you, but I only bought those items because of Vanir's usual trickery…"
"Oh, is that it? Haha… I shouldn't have been so excited…"
Maybe I should have just played along so as not to disillusion Wiz.
"Speaking of Regina, what's she up to?"
I asked Serena, the sole follower of the goddess Regina. She replied,
"W-Well. She made me promise to keep her plans a secret. But I think I can tell you what she's trying to do without sharing any of the details? Regina-sama told me that she's planning to increase her followers tonight…"
Oh, no. Don't tell me...
The only thing happening tonight that would help her increase her followers is the beauty pageant. The same one where Aqua is challenging Eris to a popularity contest.
Knowing Eris, she'll go along with the challenge purely because she's a pushover.
And now, Regina also plans to crash the party?
"...Please convince her to reconsider."
"I-I'm sure there's nothing to worry about...? Besides, Regina-sama has changed… or more like, she reverted to her original form. She's a good goddess now! So if there is indeed a challenge between goddesses, it's her right to join in!"
"...She's a good goddess now? Just like that? I'm not going to believe it until I see it."
"It's true! I mean, just look at my robes! They're not gloomy and dark anymore! See?! They're light and cheerful colors now!"
"Just because you're not wearing dark clothing anymore, it doesn't mean that you're good all of a sudden! Do you expect me to fall for such sloppy symbolism?! For all I know, you could have just had a wardrobe change! Look at Wiz! She wears dreary and evil-looking clothing, but she's a good Lich! A good potato!"
I gave an aggressive headpat to Wiz.
"I-I don't wear this 'dreary' outfit because I want to! I just can't afford cuter clothes! Uuuu~!"
"Ah, sorry about that, Wiz."
Even though she wasn't involved in the argument, Wiz got dragged in and had her feelings hurt.
Part 6
For my next order of business, I planned to visit Maouko.
From what I gathered, she and her subordinates were detained in the town's prison.
They would stay in the Axel prison until they were transferred to the capital for further interrogation.
I thought that Maouko and her subordinates would be treated in a more inhumane manner, but they were regarded and handled like any other prisoners of war.
The criminal system in this world is too inconsistent. An innocent like me was sent to the chopping block, without hesitation, for accidentally blowing up that Alderp bastard's house, while Maouko was being treated with much more consideration.
When I went over to the prison, I saw Dust and Yunyun heading out. Yunyun was bowing to the policemen who were seeing them out, while Dust had a carefree look on his face as he walked away from the police station, which was becoming his second home.
"I'm sorry, I'm sorry!"
"I-It's fine. You already paid the bail, so please, just leave already."
It looks like Yunyun's overbearing nature was starting to bother the policemen.
"Hm? Kazuma, what are you doing here? If you came here to bail me out, Yunyun already beat you to it. But if you were planning to spend money on me anyway, I'd happily accept it…"
Dust said, when he saw me approaching the police station.
"Ah! K-Kazuma-san! It's OK, I already paid the bail for Dust-san! Because that's what f-friends do for each other… Hehe…"
Yunyun got a dreamy look on her face as soon as she said the word 'friends'.
"Why do you assume that I came here for Dust? Why were you even in there in the first place?"
I heard murmurs that Dust performed well in the battle, and even flashed that spear skill he showed back in the Crimson Demon village. For him to end up in jail after contributing to the war was a bit surprising.
"I may have gone a bit overboard during the celebration parties yesterday. I helped save the town and they can't let me off, just this once? Geez…"
"D-Dust-san is lucky that all those women you harassed last night aren't pursuing the charges any further! If Dust-san didn't play such an important role in the war, this would have been the end of you, for sure!"
"Yeah, yeah. But come on, I'm more surprised that not one of those ladies wanted to play around with me for a bit. I mean, I'm a big hero now, aren't I? I killed a lot of enemy demons, didn't I?"
"The girls Dust-san were hitting on all had boyfriends, and I think one of them even had a fiancee…!"
"Oh, really? They should have told me."
"They did, but Dust-san was too drunk to listen…"
As amusing as this comedy routine was, I had things to do.
I snuck away while those two were arguing, and entered the police station. A haggard looking officer looked up from the papers he was pouring over. It looked like he had spent a considerable amount of time in his desk, looking over paperwork. I guess these guys weren't equipped to having such important prisoners in the site. They were more used to run-of-the-mill thugs like Dust.
"Kazuma-san… I guess you're here for the prisoners?"
I nodded my head as he lazily gestured to the direction of the prison cells, fully expecting me to know where they were. I mean, yeah, I did know exactly where the cells were, but I didn't like what he was insinuating.
The prisoners, who would normally sneer at and harass newcomers, or ordinary passerby, were unusually reserved today. This was probably due to the killing intent radiating from one specific cell, located at the very back of the jail. I was certain that this cell, where a menacing aura radiated from, was where they placed Maouko.
Along the way, I recognized Feydrick, the dark elf subordinate of Maouko. There was one other demonic creature in captivity, but I didn't recognize him. The plaque outside his cell stated that his name is 'Ragcraft'.
As I didn't have business with Feydrick or this Ragcraft guy, I kept walking until I was right before Maouko's cell. She recognized me immediately. The menacing aura in the room intensified and focused on me.
Her mouth was gagged by a plain cloth, and her torso and legs were tied to a metal chair that was bolted to the ground.
Rain-san and that Katsuragi fellow in the cell with her. I guess they were assigned to watch over the elusive and resourceful Maouko to make sure she didn't escape. The local policemen, dependable as they were in resolving domestic issues, were just not up to the task of guarding her alone.
"Kazuma-san! Did you come here to see the prisoner? Don't worry, we already interrogated her thoroughly!"
That was an oddly cheerful voice coming from Rain-san, even though she said such grim words like 'prisoner' and 'interrogated'.
"Indeed… which makes me question why I'm still assigned to watch over her. I want to go out there and worship Aqua-sama now that she's finally revealed her status as a goddess to all! Of course, she has my full support in the beauty pageant tonight!"
As usual, all this guy has in his head is Aqua. I still don't get why he's obsessed with her. I guess he's the type of guy who only cares about looks. Aqua certainly has a beauty that no mortal woman can match, but… come on, it's the blue thing we're talking about here.
"Well, I guess I'm just here to satisfy my curiosity."
If they were already satisfied with the answers Maouko gave her during their questioning, then there's really no point in me being here. I guess I'm just here to hear her answers for myself.
"Alright, that sounds fine. I'll remove the gag now."
Rain-san came over and removed the gag. I thought that Maouko would instantly hurl a stream of curses and insults at me, but she only heaved a resigned sigh.
"...If you have questions, go ahead and ask."
She was still glaring at me, and hostility was emanating from her in waves, but she was surprisingly compliant right from the start.
...Maouko tried to have Megumin assassinated before.
But even then, my desire to get revenge had since faded away.
When I see Maouko now… I know that she's supposed to be my enemy, and I bet she views me as an arch-nemesis of sorts, but I honestly don't feel anything even when I'm face-to-face with her like this.
I guess the sense of resignation and defeat I feel from her adds to the emptiness I feel.
"...Is it really over now? You don't have any other agents running around, ready to start another war?"
"Heh. No. The army I gathered has completely dispersed. The demon mercenaries all fled to Hell once I was captured by that damned Crusader of yours… And the blue haired goddess."
Maouko shuddered once she mentioned Aqua. I decided to have some mercy and didn't pursue the topic any longer.
"Is it really over? What will happen to this country now that the Demon King and his daughter have been removed from power?"
"It's a happy ending for all. The tyrant known as the Devil King is gone, the hero and his party have won. A fairy tale ending. Bleh."
Each word was laced with bitter sarcasm. She's still quite the sore loser.
"Well, assuming a Devil King from another continent doesn't claim our former territory as their own. They, I guess the fighting will start all over again if that happens."
"E-Eh? Devil King from other countries?"
Maouko rolled her eyes.
"Huh? Didn't you know that? Do you think the whole world revolves around the country of Belzerg, or even this continent, for that matter? Each major continent as its own Devil King army."
"I-Is this true?" x 2.
Katsuragi and I both looked to Rain-san for confirmation.
Nobody told us this when we signed up for reincarnation.
She meekly smiled and nodded her head,
"Un. While we don't know much about the situation in far-off continents, we receive enough info from our overseas spy networks to know about the existence of other Devil King armies. It seems like each Devil King army has different agendas, though. The Devil King who has ruled our continent seemed desperate to wipe out all the humans living here. The other Devil Kings don't seem to be as ambitious or bloodthirsty…"
"Tch. Wipe out all the humans? Well, I guess that's partly true, but my father started this war in the first place because of two groups in particular…"
Oh, no.
I'm getting a bad feeling about this.
"Those Axis-cultists and Crimson Demons are to blame!"
Maouko snarled and squirmed in her seat, even with the bindings restraining her.
...I somehow knew that the two most troublesome groups of people in this world were involved in this.
"My father didn't have such bloodthirsty ambitions at the start, but those two groups drove him to the brink of insanity! The Axis-cultists who would spread nasty rumors about the Devil King, spreading lies about how he's a sexual deviant with weird tastes! And those Crimson Demons who would come to the Devil King castle day after day, after day, after day, after day. Showing off their powerful magic just to make a spectacle, while having a noisy barbeque outside our property! Who wouldn't snap after being subjected to that every. single. day…?!"
Maouko started gnashing her teeth as she recalled these awful memories.
"I'd often see my mother and father fight and yell at each other as they argued about what to do with those pests. I think that's one of the reasons that led up to their divorce… no, I'm sure it's the only reason!"
I started sweating. I'm not a part of any of those groups, but two members of my party were. I feel guilty in their place.
Additionally, Aqua was probably the one who spearheaded the defamation of the Devil King. And the creator of the Crimson Demons was a reincarnated Japanese that Aqua sent to this world. If you add those two things up, you could say that Aqua is solely responsible for the way the Devil King turned out.
...As always, when something goes wrong, Aqua is to blame.
"At first I didn't get why my father hated the Axis-cult and the Crimson Demons. But then the Axis-cult started spreading weird rumors about me, too, saying that I have a father complex, that I have f-f-feelings for my own father! Damn them! And those Crimson Demons, you already know why I hate them and why I attacked their village before! They have this stupid tourist attraction, some kind of high powered telescope that is pointed right at my bedroom window! They even added creepy features to it that lets one see through the walls! Every day they keep peeping on me. Over time, I've gone numb from the voyeurism and end up stripping even when I know some weird men are staring at me!"
All of a sudden, tears started pouring out of Maouko's eyes.
"Wahh… Wahhh! My happy childhood, give it back to me! Papa… Mama…! Wahhh!"
...I didn't expect this kind of backstory at all.
The mood had turned awkward now, with all of us avoiding looking at the crying Maouko directly.
I don't think it excuses all the bad things Maouko or her father has done, but I can at least see why they ended up hating humanity so much.
...But really, only two groups were to blame here.
And they were hardly an accurate representation of humanity as a whole.
"W-Well. Err… I should get going now. Lots of stuff to do! I'll keep tabs on Maouko's transfer, so please keep me informed, Rain-san."
"Y-Yeah…"
"Uwaaaah! Wahhhhh!"
With Maouko still bawling her eyes out, I hastily made my way out of the police station.
…
…
A/N: We're getting closer to the end. I don't want to rush the story just for the sake of finishing it, but at the same time I don't want to stretch it out and keep stalling. Nonetheless, I hope you guys are enjoying this final stretch.
-BB