Chapter 104

Somehow she managed to mutter her way through the cutting up of the China silk. Then she explained how she had read Ashley's letters to Melanie when he was at camp and how his writings had seemed like nonsense. This she said to take the sting out of the news of the spoilt sash but she could hardly detect any emotion on Rhett's face.

Then she came to the dreaded windy orchard meeting. Now when she spoke about seeking Ashley out to find some way of saving Tara from debts, she felt like she was talking utter nonsense. She continued miserably while Rhett lit a cigar. When she told about having children for Ashley and running away to Mexico, she thought she saw Rhett clenching his fist inside his pocket.

Then she explained how she had forced Ashley to work at her mills. And then finally came to Melanie's reception and her last intimate tryst with Ashley Wilkes. Once again she felt small when she related how she had gone to the saw mill in her fine new dress. Rhett listened to her in complete silence.

Then, after that, she stopped and stood up.

"Just a moment, Mrs. Butler" said Rhett, pushing her down. He was frowning very hard and seemed to look her up and down in contempt. Unable to stand the silence any longer, Scarlett cried out, "Oh, you say you want to know the truth. But you keep attacking the very things that I hold dear. Can't you understand that I wanted to be seen like this in order to make up for everything else I had lost. Why, I had lost so much in the war. I never told you half the things that bother me!"

"Pray continue-" replied Rhett. "I thought money was all you needed to be happy! You certainly gave me that impression!"

"All right, I admit I made a mistake. Money doesn't really matter to me. I was young and foolish, I see that now. But I lost so much too- Why-" Scarlett's eyes brimmed with tears. "Did you know, when I went down last to Tara, the entire place looks like a dead country. The forest coming into our land and taking over. Just one acre of farm left and being properly tended to when the plantation used to stretch hundreds of acres- I never told you any of that! It broke my heart to see-"

"Just a minute" replied Rhett, his eyes suddenly glowing like fire. "Why didn't you tell me that?! When did all this happen?"

"You were the one who said land didn't matter. That..that one bit of land was the same as the other!"

"Never mind what I said. Just when did you feel all this? I thought you were going to Tara and coming back rejuvenated. I didn't know about all this!"

Scarlett paused a moment, unsure of the turn things were taking.

"So, Tara is no longer a farm?" said Rhett, sternly.

"No, I didn't mean that!" said Scarlett, stammering.

"Then what's the truth? Why do your hands keep shaking like that?"

Scarlett looked completely flustered. "I'm not sure I want to talk about this. Tara is all right. I.. I don't know what came over me"

His eyes gave her the lie and she shuffled in her chair, uncomfortably. "Well, you still had enough fake friends to keep you occupied in your Atlanta mansion!" he said, cuttingly.

"You couldn't be more wrong about that!" cried Scarlett, incensed. "I..I missed all my old friends after you had gone. I made friends with Fanny and Maybelle again. Even Dr. Meade is kind to me now. If you just come home and see them- I would love for you to!"

"No doubt you have deceived them in some way" said Rhett, offhandedly.

Tears came down Scarlett's cheeks. "It's not true. How can you be so cruel? I visited Maybelle so many times- I had hired a tutor for Ella and she promised to send her boy too- And.. and I made up with Mrs. Merriweather too-"

"How?" he asked.

"Oh never mind, its all silly- Well, if you must know, I remembered being very nasty to Mrs. Merriweather when she warned me not to marry you. I just set the record straight. I told her she had been right and I had been thoughtless-"

She was interrupted by Rhett's laughter. "What's so funny?" she asked warily.

"You are- for telling the truth whenever it suited you. So, you will be truthful to Mrs. Merriweather but you will conceal the truth about Tara, eh?"

Scarlett blushed under his gaze. "I'm only afraid you'd buy me out- Tara means everything to me. Even if its being taken over by dark forests and haunted pines."

"Did you ever think that I might help you restore some of the land?" asked Rhett, quietly.

Scarlett's eyes widened with surprise and pleasure. "Oh that would be wonderful, Rhett! I had felt so gloomy riding through overgrowth and looming trees blocking the roads I used to know. I had missed all the old landmarks so much. And Will hardly ever bothers venturing outside his one acre- This is too good to be true. I'd love to thank you but I know how you will always make some vile remark about me being feminine or clingy!"

But Rhett leaned in and looked into her eyes. "I will not help you until I get this straight. You hid from me that your plantation, the dearest place on earth for you had suffered so much after the war- you didn't tell me this- and instead you gave me so much news that everyone was doing very well and as if Tara was as prosperous as ever- why?"

Scarlett laughed lightly. "If I knew that you would help me-"

"I've helped you out before-"

Scarlett averted her eyes and found his hand under her chin, jerking her face upwards. His eyes seemed to burn through her until she finally cried in frustration, "I was tired! I was tired of everything! I already said this to Ashley but he wouldn't have any of it. He told me I was strong and I was just crying like a sick child. But I'm not! I'm tired. I feel tired just now too- when I know I cant have a baby-"

"What do you mean?" said Rhett, sharply.

"Can't you guess? We've been together so many times and I haven't yet conceived-"

Rhett finally leaned back. "All right, Scarlett. You can stop crying now. Here, take my handkerchief."

Scarlett blew her nose loudly and got up from the chair in relief. Now that she had been brutally honest, she felt lighter and happier. She walked to the window and looked at the view of the sea. Then she heard Rhett chuckling softly. "So, you finally admit that you are tired-"

"Yes Rhett." said Scarlett. "A nice sea voyage would set me just fine. And we could come back and then I'll take you to Tara-"

Rhett grinned maliciously at this. "No, my dear. I'll do no such thing." He walked up to her and put his hands on her shoulders. "You don't deserve a trip just now- What you need is another baby to keep this marriage going, some quality folks for friends which you assure me that you already have and you would like to see Tara well-maintained again. Now I'll help you in all these things if you will swallow your pride and ask me nicely-"

"Well it would help us become the fine couple we once were and everyone would admire-"

"To hell with everyone else!"

"What else do you expect me to say?"

"You said you were tired just now- why don't you start there?"

Scarlett looked disheartened at once. "I already said that to Ashley and he told me that I was a sick child-"

"To hell with Ashley" said Rhett, not relenting for a moment.

"But I'm afraid" said Scarlett, her voice going soft and faint. "This isn't like the other times you helped me. I was still very much on my own then-"

"Ah!" said Rhett, his eyes dancing with merriment. "Let me outline the picture for you, madam. You ask me nicely now and I will make sure you visit every good doctor until we find why exactly you are unable to conceive and then you will listen to me until you have another baby. And I expect you to come with me to Tara and show me just what I missed seeing. I want to know just what kind of reputation you have managed to achieve in Atlanta and make any changes to the mansion if necessary- there! That's your future for you in a nutshell. Tired girls don't need trips abroad, they need to get their act together- Why reach for the moon when I could help you live happily on earth?"

Scarlett blinked for a moment and then she realized she had walked straight into another trap. "Now Rhett, be reasonable- I already know what life is like at Tara and Atlanta- Oh, I don't want to be stuck there all my life. It's not fair- when you have a boat and tickets and all the money in the world! I didn't come here to be hemmed in like this! I can't bear it!"

"I thought you were tired" replied Rhett, softly.

"I'd rather be tired than be fenced in! I wont be fenced it. I'd rather die than keep working like...like Mother did-"

Rhett turned her around and looked into her eyes with such amusement. "Why did you say that?" he asked.

"Mother was always working in Tara. Pa hardly noticed that she was having a good time with her friends. And she hardly rested- always sewing, having babies, raising babies, listening to Pa talk and talk- she died without really living her life-"

Scarlett's eyes glistened with tears again and Rhett took the damp hand-kerchief from her hands and wiped her eyes in mock affection. "Don't worry, my baby- I wont let you suffer your Mother's fate- The truth is often remarkably simple, isn't it? You keep running after things but in truth, you are tired. You said to Ashley before but he was so wooden-headed that he couldn't understand- You probably thought he was being honourable!"

"How did you-" Scarlett fell silent and then looked away.

"Don't you want me to take care of you?" asked Rhett, grinning and turning her face to him once again. "You don't like it when everything becomes so real, do you?"

Scarlett glared a little and tried to ignore his baiting tone.

"I've always listened to you before" she said, after a beat, summoning as much charm as she could.

"But that was because it was fun before. It won't be so much fun now- Let me give you a hint of how it will be. You remember when Bonnie wouldn't quit sucking her thumb and we tried everything to cure her of it?"

Scarlett nodded glumly.

"Well, I asked Mrs. Merriweather and she suggested putting quinine on Bonnie's thumb to make her stop ruining the shape of her mouth-"

"Its a clever idea" agreed Scarlett. "But quinine is awfully bitter. Its a wonder Bonnie liked you after that."

"You cannot like everything, Scarlett. Can't you see that this constant chasing is unbecoming? You said you were tired- why don't you let me help you? Sure the first two-three years will be dull as ditch-water, but we can find ways to bring back the old charm-"

"Why are you so hopeful all of a sudden?" asked Scarlett, suspiciously. "My goodness, you never wanted to do anything with me before!"

"You never told me these problems. That's what men do. They like solving whatever problems women have but they need support. I can't have you dictating how I must help this marriage. From now on, you listen to me!"

Scarlett took a long look at Rhett and finally sighed. "Oh all right."

"Its your choice, Scarlett. Don't worry, I won't bore you completely. Once in a while, I'll get you a box of chocolates if you are too glum!"

Scarlett gave an unwillingly smile and suddenly she noticed how happy he looked just then. "All right, I do admit this frightens me but if you think its the right thing to do, I'll listen to you-"