Chapter 109

Rhett did not speak for a long while. Then he seemed to continue in his usual comfortable Charlestonian drawl. "You are very welcome to go to Atlanta or Tara or where ever you want to. I shall not stop you. And if you should ever ask for a divorce, you have my complete consent and my blessing."

Scarlett was washing her face in the basin and she looked up for a moment and then rubbing her wet eyes on a towel, she replied, "Thank you. I'll think about it."

Rhett looked up sharply at this. His eyes narrowed for a moment but he remained silent.

"Rhett, could you give me some more money? I wasted so much re-building our Peach tree house. I am planning to call on a few neighbors and relatives. I'll write to you every once in a while. We can still be friendly with each other, can't we?"

"You know, I don't understand you at all, Scarlett. This evening you were cordial with me, then you got angry, then you cried your heart out and now you talk of being friends again. You are both hot and cold, my dear. If you want to leave, I shall not stop you. And my money is yours to take. I thought you would have gotten rid of me a long time ago to marry Ashley-"

Scarlett regarded Rhett for a moment. "I won't marry Ashley." she replied.

"Why not?"

"You keep asking me that question, Rhett. So I'm really going to tell you everything. You know, there is one thing I've always hated. Its people attributing thoughts and feelings to me which I do not possess. Melanie used to do it, Ashley and sometimes even you, Rhett. You've always said that I had a limited vision, always insulted my ignorance and called me an ignoramus. I did see the South as you did. I felt limited by our customs and rules. And I rebelled along side you. But when the war was over and you had left me to fight the last fight, I had a better understanding than you that things that we held so precious before had lost value now. Tara was going back to the wilderness and I wanted to save it. One victory for Tara would be to score against the Yankees. The Yankees who kept propping up like weeds through a cracked road. But while everyone else thought I was on a rampage for former glory, it wasn't so! Melanie spoke highly of my hardships but it wasn't so. I only wanted Tara to be saved - not Tara the plantation but Tara the farm. When Will tended to it, planted potatoes and sweet peas, had a hen coop, a rabbit hutch, a duck pond- that was enough for me. That honored my parents memory and ensured that Tara will always be loved and cherished- even if it is at the hands of a Cracker. Old Grandma Fontaine, she thought I was going for the glory- swaying and bending like a reed and bouncing back- but I never did have such a huge vision - a small, practical one but not a huge one. What you and everyone else saw, the driving force behind my actions was fear- an un-namable, unfathomable fear. A fear that I have named...now. And coming to Ashley, I thought Ashley was steadfast and stable. I saw him as a timeless, priceless ornament to my plans. His talk of honor and duty- It all seemed so very meaningful. And when I scoffed at his sentiment, he used to encourage me in a gentle way, take me back to old times when I was a young girl- to the Scarlett of old- so frightened for so many things that simply did not matter now- and there I found my feelings and my heart- but the moment I did, I was a crying mess and he would be a comforting presence. I never realized he was using me like this. That I was a channel for him to experience the pleasure and comfort of the old days and Ashley hungered for it. Yes he did! I sensed hunger in his hands-the way he..he.. never mind. His voice, his very gentility fooled me. I heard his true voice- that awful, choking voice when Melly died. What kind of a man is he, kindling a woman's hope, encouraging her to settle down, politely smiling at her foolishness and then with so much adjustment, never ever say that she was loved? I thought of Melanie having to pass through this life, alone in her suffering, never having that happiness? And what of Ashley? Bullied out of his helplessness to fits of righteous anger but not for a simple declaration of love?The illusion was broken. Now, when I think about it, the situation seems to resemble the death of my own Mother. She too was gentle and measured in her speech and tone of voice. Everybody obeyed her- there was a hardness in her tone which no one ever questioned. But it just before she died, she had cried for someone called "Phillippe". I guess I've always been fooled by voices before. Perhaps that's why it was so easy with Ashley- easy to be fooled, easy to remain fooled-"

Rhett nodded very seriously to this.

"And you, Rhett- you say that you've hated everything that the South represents but you still have the temper and judgement of a Southerner. Why just now- when you were about to defend your honor against your own brother - did you ever stop and think if it was worth it? No, you just followed your breeding. So, you are the same as every Southern gentleman. You did not stop to consider that I was just the daughter of an Irish settler, who was only bred in the traditions of the Savannah ladies so that her mother would be protected- yes, protected! Mother was only protecting her own heart when she raised us girls differently. I don't believe she ever thought that we could think of our own. Ah, but I shall be different now. With the money from you, I am going to help Wade get a house at Five Points, just where his father's old warehouse used to be. And I am going to find him a place among whatever Hamiltons are left. Then I am going to take Ella to Macon. She can meet her Frank's old family there. And I'll help Ella find her place too."

When Rhett spoke, his voice was much more kind and thoughtful. "It would do those children of yours a lot of good to know their own families better. It is a worthy occupation." He adjusted himself in his chair and took on a decidedly lighter tone of voice. "Have you been doing things like this in the recent past?"

"Perhaps, I have" said Scarlett, guardedly.

"You must have had somebody to help you-"

Scarlett went along with it, pretending to frown and think. "I don't really remember-"

"If you have been doing things like this already, you must have made new friends! It can't be anyone I know-"

Suddenly it dawned on Scarlett that Rhett was trying to know about her friend and confidant, Mrs. Finch. He saw her eyebrows rising up sharply and the look startled him. A glow came into Scarlett's face when she realized that she had just risen in esteem in his eyes. Somehow she had some thing that he wanted. She didn't yet know what it was.

"I never thought you would meet anyone who might like you, Scarlett- especially after cousin Melanie died- " egged on Rhett, teasingly. "Who is this mysterious person who has helped you so much?"

"I shan't tell you!" said Scarlett with a delighted smile. "You can find out for yourself if you ever come to visit me! Rhett, I always knew that you and Ashley were alike. If Ashley used a fake voice, you used a fake boyishness, didn't you? I believe you are still very much a boy at heart. But not the one you show me. I want to see the Rhett that choked up with tears when a woman, he knew, killed herself while attempting an abortion. Or the Rhett who carried presents to a young lad in New Orleans. Until then, you don't deserve any more explanation from me!"

"Well, if you are going to dig up skeletons from my closet, I might take the trouble to inquire after this naughty cousin of your Mother- her true love, if so the implication goes-"

"Go ahead. Both my sisters wouldn't care and I certainly wouldn't!"