Cindana Highfael. Altmer female

That night we all gathered around a small campfire by the side of lake Amaya. Blue, the Argonian concentrated on heating something to eat from the supplies, more than happy have an excuse to withdraw from the rest of us. Gildee tended to Han lu's face. He was propped up against a log, unconscious. He'd been awake and aware up until he used a spell to set his own nose back in place. The pain of all the pieces of cartilage jumping back to their original positions had knocked him out cold. I sat away from the group, on the shore of the lake, feeling more helpless than I had since I was a little girl.

Blue couldn't help but feel like he was in over his head. He didn't know teaming up with Han lu would include so much baggage. He felt it was up to him to take charge now, he had a mission after all, but what was he supposed to say to me. 'Sorry Han lu killed your dad, but I need him for a special mission from the Empire?' The poor lizard gritted his teeth and remained silent, never approaching me.

Gildee concentrated on her ministrations, knowing that the conflict between Han lu and I couldn't be resolved with her illusion magic. "Sorry about this Han lu." She reached up and poked his nose, resulting in the Dunmer jerking away from the fresh stab of pain. He looked around in confusion before remembering where he was. He breathed heavily and one eye was swollen shut from the beating he'd taken. He slowed his breathing, taking in the surroundings. Gildee shot him a quick sad smile before silently withdrawing and moving to my side.

I didn't dare turn to look at my father's murderer and he didn't dare to confront me. Blue waited for Han lu to speak thinking that he surely couldn't just let this silence grow forever, right? After several minutes, the Argonian decided Han lu could. He stood to offer the pan of food around, but was met with a small shake of the head from Gildee. He sighed and knelt by Han lu. "You need to handle this. We need to rest so we can keep moving come morning. We're too close to Imperial cities."

Han lu opened his mouth, but no words would come. He worked up his courage and croaked hoarsely, "Why didn't you kill me?" The question hung in the air. I made no response. Han lu cleared his throat and tried again. "Why didn't you kill me? You have every right." I curled my arms tighter around my legs. I didn't have the will to answer him.

Han lu fell quiet again, looking away in thought. "I don't understand it. If I ever had the chance to kill the man responsible for my dad's death, I'd do it in a second." His voice was raised with emotion.

Gildee gave him a hard, warning look, wrapping one arm around my shoulders. When I didn't respond, he sighed in exasperation and raised his voice, almost as if he were angry with me. "What do you expect of me? Do you want me to apologize? How in Tamriel does it benefit you to let me live?"

Finally, I spoke. My tone was soft as a whisper, but had everyone's undivided attention. "How does it benefit me if you die?"

The response took Han lu aback. "Well... you'd have revenge. You'd… Don't you get it? I'm the bad guy."

I took a shuddering breath. "I've killed bad people. They'll fight, they'll lie, they'll beg for mercy, but they never ask for what they deserve. They never make their peace and wait for it. But you did." Han lu glanced at Gildee and Blue who met his one eyed gaze.

"You don't have to be a bad guy Han lu," Gildee tentatively encouraged.

Han lu looked back to me. "Are you really just going to let this go?"

I was quiet for a long stretch. ""Han lu was your name," I asked, still devoid of emotion? He nodded and I continued. "High elves have longer lives than any of the races of Tamriel. Life, especially young life, is the most valuable thing in our culture because it has potential. Potential for good or for evil. When a life spans many centuries it can go through many phases of experience and growth. I didn't kill you because your last thoughts weren't to get back at me. You showed regret and caring and you struck me as someone with great potential for good. You're very young and it would be a shame to destroy the years you have left if they're worth a damn. I don't forgive you and if you prove that you're going to continue a lifestyle that creates more people like me, I'll end you."

I rose on shaky legs and skirted the fire, slowly approaching Han lu. "That makes you my responsibility and with the loss of my father, the only thing I have is time." My hand flashed to his face with the speed of a swordsman and I used one finger to flick his nose. The tiny motion caused the swollen appendage to explode with pain. Han lu gasped, turning away and protecting his face with his shaking hands until the throbbing subsided, by which time, I was stripping off my armor for bed. Blue still sat by the fire with a cooking pan in hand.

"So, are you hungry?" Blue dumbly proffered the pan to Han lu.

The Dunmer still shook from the pain. His face was damp and mucus dripped from the horribly inflamed nose. "I've lost my appetite."

"Of course," Blue muttered, biting his lip. "Not like I worked hard on it or anything."

Han lu curled up on the grass, without bedding and settled in for the night. I think both of us lay awake most of the night. By his breathing, I could tell he wasn't asleep and he knew I wasn't either due to the small sobs I was unable to hold back.

In the morning, Blue reheated the food from the night before and we all ate. I remained uncomfortably silent and it was left to Blue to start the conversation. He tentatively glanced up at Han lu. "So, um, how do these two fit into our plans?"

Gildee looked up at Han lu. "We're going to look for Ajira, right?"

Han lu sighed, carefully swallowing to avoid jostling his broken nose. "I can't yet. My mother is here on Vvardenfell and the Empire is trying to find her. I have to get to her before they do."

Gildee narrowed her gaze. "And what will you do when you find her?" I rested a hard gaze on Han lu.

The Dunmer stood tall. "I'm going to protect her. For all I know, she may be completely safe and I can go back to finding Ajira and concentrate on repaying my debt to Blue."

"Okay," Gildee chimed cheerily. "I'll come with you."

"You don't have to do that Gildee."

She slung her rucksack over her shoulders. "Nope, but Ajira isn't my only friend." She shouldered Han lu playfully. "Besides, Ajira is more resourceful than you think. She's probably found a new place to set up shop. Where are we going?"

"To Tel Vos."

"Then we should take a ship from Vivec," Gildee suggested. "That would be the fastest way."

"Can't take a ship," Han lu backpedalled. Blue and I are kind of fugitives with the Empire right now and that includes the navy. I planned on going through the ashlands." He hesitantly started forward down the path, withdrawing a stolen map from among his other supplies.

Gildee giggled, prancing on ahead. "No worries, I know the ashlands like the back of my hand." The others started to follow her, but glanced back at me. I was frozen in place. Instead of forming a response, I cast a glance out at the lake, pursing my lips to silence a shudder.

Han lu swallowed past a lump in his throat. I wondered, was this close to the place he'd dumped the body? No doubt it was just a skeleton on the lakebed now. As Gildee laid a comforting hand on my shoulder, I wished I could read his thoughts. At my glance, he shifted uncomfortably and I knew he'd rather be anywhere but in my presence. One dark glance showed him that he would never be free of me. Ever.

Han lu Urshar. Dunmer male.

I'd never felt so low in my life and I didn't understand it. I'd done worse than murder an innocent man for research notes, but I'd never had to stare down a grieving daughter. Princess Lunea had been different. Her father had survived and I still didn't feel very guilty for that crime. He was a politician and in my mind, he had it coming. Kind of. Maybe.

Gildee took the lead with Blue walking next to her, already using his winning personality to make friends. I stayed close behind him as if his presence could cancel out Cindana's own. Cindana insisted on taking the rear, where I could feel her accusing eyes boring into my back like flesh eating maggots.

We quickly passed the mountains separating the ashlands from the fields of Kummu above lake Amaya and the air became dryer by increments. Without the damp, the cold wasn't nearly as biting.

To escape my own dreary thoughts, I listened to Blue chat with Gildee who had her bow at the ready and was scanning our surroundings attentively. "How long will it take to cross the Ashlands?"

"Oh that depends. If we run into an ash storm, that will slow us down. We won't be going near any Daedric ruins either. You have to give those places a wide berth on account of monsters and cultists. However, sometimes you cross paths with tribal Orcs, Ashlander hunting parties, ash zombies and ash vampires, real vampires, and corprus monsters. All of which would slow us down varying amounts. Best case scenario, less than two days."

Blue looked toward the heavens, "I find it amusing that you say all that without losing your chipper tone. Is that all we may have to deal with," he added with a bit of sarcasm?

"Oh it's not so bad once you learn how to deal with it. Most things can be shot with a bow at a distance. If we run into Orcs, we drop our supplies and run. If we run into Ashlanders, don't look them in the eyes and we give them a gift they'll be impressed with. Something valuable, like your Imperial armor."

Blue huffed. "But I might need this armor!"

Gildee laughed. "Of course, that's why they'll think it's a good gift and they'll let us pass."

I thanked Azura that the silence was being broken. It was odd to see Blue and Gildee chatting so easily after Blue had held her at knife point only the night before. It was almost like they were old friends.

"Hey, Han lu," Gildee called, keeping her eyes forward. "You should ready your bow in case we run into anything unfriendly."

Blue offered to hold my spear and I took my stolen short bow in hand, knocking a slightly warped arrow.

Gildee looked at me incredulously. "Where's your good Orcish bow?"

"Oh. I lost it."

"After all the fuss you made about it in Suran?"

"What happened in Suran," Blue asked?

Gildee proceeded to tell the story in detail, making me feel embarrassed and causing Blue to laugh at my shenanigans. Despite being the brunt of each joke, I found I didn't mind. When Gildee explained how I'd chased and tossed the bow thief into the river, she glanced back at me, smiling at the memory.

I started to wonder if she thought of me as a friend. She seemed to enjoy taking people out of their comfort zone, but never in a mean spirited way. It kind of reminded me of how Fargoth and Bargrum constantly gave each other grief despite being close friends. Could I have a relationship like that?

I turned to look at Blue. He was easy to talk to like Ajira. Unlike her, he had this infectious confidence which he applied to his humor. I had to admit, I genuinely enjoyed having him around. I looked forward to working with him if I could just avoid abusing him like I had Ajira.

My mind turned to Cindana, who I was more likely to be spending my time with in the future. Having someone who wanted me dead, but wouldn't kill me so close made my skin crawl. Friendship was far out of the question with her. I couldn't understand what motivated her, or what she expected of me. Did she plan on acting like a mother with a problem child? The throbbing of my nose reminded me that she could do it. How would she provide her living if she was just following me? Whatever the answer, I knew I couldn't address it right now. I had no right to ask anything of the Altmer and for the time being, she was letting me do what I needed to do.

Blue told a story about his foster mother, pulling me again from my train of thought. "She was a house slave, working in the kitchens and all my life, she always complained about how hard the soap was on her hands. Well one day, she met an alchemist who was visiting the plantation and the man seemed like a kind sort, so mother dared to ask him if there was a way she could make soap that wouldn't leave her scales so dry and raw. Well, the Imperial said, 'Of course. Boil in some crushed willow anther with the lye and not only will it leave your hands soft and soothed, but the suds will smell nice too.' He even gave her an old alembic to do it in."

"Well she was so excited, the very next day she gathered up some willow anther down by the river and crushed it up in a mortar. She hid the alembic under one of the kitchen counters with a candle underneath so she could monitor it while she worked. Well that mix gave off a real fine aroma until the whole kitchen smelled like anther. Well, if you know anything about brewing, some brewers use anther to give their drinks a fruity smell. So when one of the retainers walked in the kitchen, he looked until he found the alembic and assumed it was a still. Thinking my momma was making a batch of home brewed sujama, he decided to teach the slaves a lesson. He poured himself a glass and nobody said anything as he took a deep drink of warm soap."

Gildee threw her head back in laughter. Behind us, I even heard Cindana chuckle. I dared to peek back for the first time today and saw no anger in her face. Her smile was sad and lingered only a moment before she saw me looking. Her helmet was off, revealing eyes that were tired from tears and lack of sleep. She met my gaze blank faced for a moment before pretending to find something in the distance that was interesting. I let my gaze linger a moment more, realizing that in the past hours, I had painted a false picture in my head. "She wasn't the vengeful harpy I'd imagined looking for a reason to stab me in the back. She was tall, probably six feet and although her shoulders and head were slumped at the moment, her posture spoke of a woman who carried herself with dignity. She moved comfortably in her armor, which was made from moonstone. The metal, I knew had a strength comparable to steel, but weighed significantly less. It was popular with professional fighters who had to stay light, such as scouts or light cavalry, but it was just expensive enough to turn most buyers to another option. I knew from experience she was no slouch with that sword and shield and although it was hard to tell, I was willing to bet she was an able spellcaster.

I took relief in the absence of her furious gaze and felt it was much less likely she'd stab me in the back. I wondered what was in her past that made her so skilled in fighting. Had she been a soldier or bodyguard? Maybe she was once like me and had turned over a new leaf, which might explain how she could stand to show me mercy.

As the laughter settled, Gildee launched into a story about when her aunt back in Valenwood mistook a monkey for her husband late at night. It made me want to share something from my own past. I searched my memory to try and think of something. My parents were never silly, I realized. Romantic for sure, but they never did anything foolish or comedic. Fargoth and Bargrum were always teasing each other back and forth.

My mind turned to when Ajira and I stole the rowboat from the stronghold east of here. I opened my mouth to talk about how I'd teased her by rocking the boat, but stopped myself, remembering I'd nearly gotten her killed. Besides, Ajira might have already told Gildee about it the night I met the girl. I ended up hardly saying a word all day.

The only interruptions were two or three times Gildee broke the conversation, raising her bow to strike a nearby cliff racer out of the sky. She would break from the group, telling us to keep walking. She soon would catch up with a few strips of meat for the supplies which she intended to roast that evening. As the sun dipped below the tops of the hill beside the ravine we were traveling in, Gildee turned to all of us, walking backwards.

"We have a decision up ahead. We can take a right turn at the end of this gorge and make camp in an hour or two with someone left on watch at night, or we can go left for about twenty minutes and rent rooms at the hostel in Ghostgate."

My attention was caught. "We're near the Ghostgate?" Gildee nodded. "As much as I'd like to see the Ghostgate, I can't justify losing an hour or two travel time."

Blue snorted. "To Oblivion with that. I want to sleep in a bed."

"Yay!" Gildee cheered. She looped her arm into Blue's and pulled him ahead on the path, skipping while Blue stumbled, trying to match her rhythm.

I raised a hand after them, as if to get their attention, but they were already out of earshot. Cindana walked up beside me. "Come on. We'll make better time if we're better rested."

She spoke in a deadpan, but she didn't talk down to me or… anything. I bit my tongue and bowed my head following along obediently. It wasn't long before the Ghost fence came into view. First I noticed the translucent wall of the bright blue forcefield. It seemed to tower over the surrounding landscape, rising and falling with the ridges and valleys formed by the volcano located within. As I got closer, I realized there were stone pillars at twenty to thirty foot intervals and wooden walkways spanning between. At the top, I could see golden armored Ordinators patrolling with bows, watching both inside and outside the Ghost fence.

Cindana broke me out of my stupor. "This is one of the reasons my father and I came here. His research involved finding new ways to harvest magic energy from the Oblivion realm. It must take an enormous amount of magic to keep all this together. I have to wonder where the Tribunal get their power."

I shook my head. "I can't even imagine it." I was intimately familiar with magical wards. Just summoning a simple one into existence and maintaining it would drain an average spellcasters magicka in under a minute. This one spanned miles and had been maintained for a thousand years.

She turned to look at me. "Imagine all the good this barrier has done. Just think about what might have happened if the Tribunal had been selfish with their powers."

Cindana walked ahead after the others, leaving me with that heavy thought. I revisited the memory of Dagoth Ur's minions saving me from the Council Club goons. The two robed figures with animal trunks covering their faces. The giant of what looked like a Dark Elf. I shivered at the powerful magics they had wielded. As if I had spoken aloud, my vision was drawn to a tall being on the other side of the Ghostfence. He seemed to stare at me, although I couldn't quite tell because of the blurring the barrier caused.

A shiver ran up my spine and out to all my limbs. It spurred me to catch up with Cindana. I'd rather bear her presence than be alone here.