Han lu Urshar.

The building was made from the adobe that was so popular in this land. The Ghostgate was guarded by two Ordinators out front. On each side, there was a domed section much like the Telvanni wizards tower I'd visited with Ajira, but shorter and in between them was a tall thin tower with a portcullis at ground level, protecting a tunnel that served as the only entrance or exit for the Ghostgate. Taking a peek at the long stretch of tunnel under the building gave Han lu chills.

I followed Gildee and the others into the right side tower. Despite the Ordinators usual blank faced masks staring at me, I met the guards eye slits with a smile. Scary or not, the Ordinators were one of the few authorities I wasn't in trouble with. Not yet. The right section of the Ghostgate held a tavern with simple food and drink available for purchase and had a hostel on the second floor loft lined with simple beds for rent. The place was mostly run by priests of the tribunal, but thankfully they segregated the temple section of the place to the left tower's lower floor, allowing for irreverent chatter in the tavern part of the hostel.

The left sections loft was reserved for the priests and Ordinators quarters. In the tavern, weary travelers and off duty, unarmored Ordinators mixed freely. Mostly, the occupants were made up of Dark elves and my companions stuck out like a sore thumb. Some of the Ordinators looked upon them disapprovingly, but said nothing disparaging loud enough to hear. The priests and priestesses, however, looked upon us kindly and humbly.

Gildee went straight to the bar stools and addressed the kindly Dunmer priestess behind the counter. "What's on the menu Muthsera?"

"We have a pot of porridge keeping warm on the fire and casks of Shein to warm your belly," the priestess answered with a kind smile.

"We'll take four," Gildee anticipated.

"Three," Cindana corrected. "I'll join you shortly." The Altmer abruptly departed to the left side of the building, to the temple area. As she left, Blue and Gildee looked expectantly at me.

"Um, what?" They both averted their gazes, hoping to avoid the awkwardness of speaking their minds. I looked back and forth between them and the archway leading to the shrine. It did seem odd that Cindana would go to a Tribunal shrine. With the other two avoiding my gaze, I shuffled after Cindana. The stairs to the shrine apparently arched over the tunnel outside that allowed access beyond the Ghostfence. There was a door separating the shrine and I pulled it slowly open, peeking inside. The room was much like the Balmora Temple, a round room with Obelisks depicting stylized carved images of the saints of the Tribunal. Cindana stood in front of one, head bowed in reverance, her golden hair swept to one side.

I stood on the stone ramp, watching as she moved from obelisk to obelisk. She had to walk around a young Priest who lay prostrated on a straw mat before one of the shrines, not wishing to disturb his whispered prayer. The flickering candles seemed to make her hair and skin glow as if her presence illuminated the room. As she reached the halfway point in the room, she noticed me in the stairwell where I watched. I suddenly didn't know what to do, fumbling nervously with my hands until I finally clasped them in front of me.

She continued her tour of the room, seeming a natural addition. She could have been a statue and not looked out of place. Feeling the sudden urge to join her, I silently slid to her side. I looked down to the obelisk, reading the writing. 'St. Meris the Peacekeeper.' The carving depicted a humble looking Dunmer woman in flowing robes.

Cindana leaned to my ear, whispering so no others would be disturbed. "How can you more effectively promote peace, by healing the righteous, or striking down the wicked?"

I swallowed past a lump in my throat. "I wouldn't know anything about making peace," I admitted.

The silence didn't last long, as Cindana pressed. "What is your desire in life Han lu? If you had no enemies conspiring against you, what would you do?"

I glanced around, looking for ideas. In my past, I would have planned on eventually making more enemies eventually. A future without being on the run seemed so unlikely, I'd never given it consideration before. Thinking of my skill set, I had to contain my sarcasm. "What would you have me do? Shall I become a priest and dedicate my life to prayer and gathering alms for the poor?" I hoped her response would give me a better idea of her intentions.

"Do you think that is how you can best serve the people around you?"

I raised a hand to rub at my tired, ash rimmed eyes and decided to speak my mind. "I don't understand your motivation. Most of the people I meet are hardly Saints themselves. When I… did the job for Ranis, I didn't enjoy it. In fact, it was the first time killing really started to bother me. I no longer wish to exploit strangers to benefit myself, but it's still a very long leap to dedicating my life to the benefit of others. Who's to say whether anyone is deserving of those efforts or at least, more deserving than me?"

Cindana took a long moment before answering, continuing to circle the room to the next obelisk. "My father would have been king of the Summerset Isles." I narrowed my gaze and held my tongue, thinking I must have misheard. She let the statement hang in the air.

"Why wasn't he," came my inevitable question?

"Because my grandfather's constant struggle for power and influence only caused his son heartache. By the time my grandfather died, Itermerel had no desire for the throne and vowed a life of selflessness, hoping that he could find the joy his father never found by doing what his father had never done. I'm not even his true daughter. I was an orphan. He found me begging on the docks of some filthy port city. With no thought of reward, he took me in, raised me, and kept me by his side in his travels. He taught me spellcraft and swordsmanship. Most of all, he taught me his unique ideals." She paused, lip quivering. "I don't remember a time without him. I don't remember what life was like without his guidance, but the more I watched the people around us, the more I realized that only the greedy are dissatisfied, the selfish never have enough to make them happy, and the vengeful…" She paused, working through a lump in her throat. "The vengeful never find peace." Her voice cracked with restrained emotion, prompting some embarrassing wetness to my own eyes.

She turned to face me, intimately close. Stone faced. "Are you happy Han lu?"

I took a moment for self reflection. As a child, I loved pleasing my parents. That meant doing well in the tasks they assigned me. Was that happiness? I decided it wasn't quite the same, thinking of my short time with Ajira. I'd been happy around her. There wasn't a constant pressure impress her. While my parents had expected me to live up to their lifestyle, forgoing close friendships and taking advantage of people at my father's discretion, Ajira had cautiously accepted that I was different from her. Her friendship had never hinged on how it benefited her. It only ended when I alienated her trust.

"I have been on occasion," came my reply. The more I thought about it, the more Cindana's theory spoke to me as truth. Just in the other room, Gildee sat and no doubt joked and made conversation with Blue and maybe even the Ordinators without any thought for personal gain. "Is it really that simple? Just make the people around you happy and you become happy?"

Cindana bowed her head. "By the moral standards most people hold, I could have killed you. If what my father taught is true, then it would have brought me no peace. But to live long enough to find out you're actually a good person would be a fair trade in lieu of vengeance. That," she paused, choking up. A few brave tears defied her efforts to stay composed and her voice rose in pitch with emotion. "That would bring me great peace." I felt a weight settle on my shoulders as I comprehended her mindset. The old me would have staunchly believed that I owed Cindana nothing, but now, I felt a new sense of responsibility, of duty. It was similar to the need I felt to protect Ajira, but what Cindana needed from me wasn't nearly so straight forward. I couldn't provide her with what she wanted of me and allow my actions to continue to be morally ambiguous. I knew it would be difficult, but the important thing was that I had a desire to do it. She gave me time to contemplate her words, seeming to understand that she had gotten through to me. After an appropriate interval, she said, "Han lu, I still bear the pain of my fathers passing. So if you will, I'd like some time alone."

I burned with shame, despite the manner in which Cindana maintained her disciplined humility in anguish. There was no sign of the rage she'd had before. Realizing she may have come here simply to mourn in peace, I moved to leave, but hesitated, looking back to the obelisk for St. Meris the Peacemaker. Taking her advice to heart, I took a few coins from what I'd looted from the warehouse and laid them in the silver bowl next to two burning sticks of incense. I whispered, "If you have any influence left in this world, I pray, grant me your wisdom."

I felt the touch of magic acting upon me, though I couldn't tell if it was from the obelisk or some other source, neither could I tell what it did. Without questioning, I retreated back to the tavern.

Of course Gildee had livened up the place by then. Unlike in Suran, there was no table dancing as the priests might have frowned upon it, but she held a distinct woodwind instrument to her lips and played a lively tune, while seated atop the bar counter with her legs swinging freely. My initial instinct was to avoid the revelry and keep to myself as I'd always done, but after a few steps towards the stairs leading to the hostel, I paused. Instead, I made my way back to the bar and sat next to Blue who was bobbing his head and tapping his foot happily to the rhythm.

One of the priests went to fetch his lute and accompanied the Wood elf. The music broke the cultural barriers that had separated us from the natives and everyone listened appreciatively, even the most hardy and scarred Ordinators.

I separated myself from my past and tried to act like someone else. Someone willing to socialize with nothing to gain. Someone trusting enough to let his guard down. Someone good enough… to be happy.