South Park's Emotional Warzone Chapter 14: Kid Swap
(Back to Stan and Bebe for now, people)
Almost a whole month had passed between now and Stan and Bebe's first date. It was now the night of June 18, 2020, the night before the last day of their kids' school. In this time, Stan and Bebe went on a couple more dates, had lunch together whenever they shared similar break times at their respective jobs, and even had phone conversations when their children were put to bed.
With each passing moment these two spent together, they felt their bond growing more and more, occasionally feeling a little depressed whenever they had to leave each other, even though they're well aware that they're going to be seeing each other the next day. A true sign that these two are slowly but surely falling in love with one another.
It was also during this time when Bebe started to sell some of her paintings that she had made to make some extra coin. Her paintings and drawings went anywhere from $100-$1,000, depending on the quality of the work. All of the people who bought her work say the same things: 'Miss, you have incredible talent' or 'What an interesting and beautiful painting you have made.' Bebe was most certainly proud of her work. With all of the free space in her storage unit, she had plenty of room to make new works of art to make even more money.
One of Bebe's paintings was even bought by South Park's local art museum, and it was hung up for everyone to see. A photographer for the newspaper came and took a picture of Bebe and her artwork, where it was published and distributed.
One of these newspapers is in the possession of famous art critic, 42 year old Jacques Brodeur. His mansion is where we begin this chapter. Jacques is just lounging about in his private study, leaning back in his chair with his feet resting on the desk in front of him, looking through the June 18th issue of the South Park Gazette. As he's flipping through the pages, he finds the picture Bebe and her artwork hung up in the art museum.
"Qu'est-ce que c'est?" Jacques said looking picture in the paper. He really admired the painting, but not as much as its artist, Bebe.
"Oh la la," Jacques said, "What a magnificent belle this artist is. Bebe Broflovski, eh? A name as lovely as that is enough to make any man blush. Her artwork definitely reflects her own beauty. I must meet this pretty little painter, and make her mine, but how?"
Jacques thought for a moment before…
"Voila!" Jacques said with the snap of his fingers, having come up with an idea, "I'll just follow her on Facebook, and then meet up with her wherever she's going to be. I'll ask her to come back to my place, then I'll ask to see more of her work, I'm sure she has them saved somewhere, and then when she least expects it, I shall steal a kiss, just like my father did when he met mama. This plan should hopefully work better than…the other times I tried to get close to pretty painters like her. But, I have faith that this plan will never fail!"
With a plan in mind, Jacques chuckled to himself before going to his computer to look for Bebe's Facebook profile.
Meanwhile at the Broflovski household, Bebe is giving her baby Matthew a bath in the kitchen sink. As she scrubbed her young child, she was humming "Close to You" by The Carpenters. As this was going on, Felix, the eldest Broflovski child walks into the kitchen to grab a Capri-Sun from the refrigerator. As he grabbed it, he looked over at Bebe washing his baby brother in the sink. The sight of it made him cringe.
"You're washing Matthew in the sink, mom?" Felix asked.
"Well, yeah." Bebe said, "He's still too small to be bathed in the bathtub."
"But we clean our dishes in there, mom." Felix whined.
"I don't know what the big deal is, Felix." Bebe said, "When you and your sister were babies, your father and I would wash you in this sink all the time."
"Augh, TMI!" Felix cried, "I'm getting out of here."
Felix walked out of the kitchen and walked up to his room going, "Ew, ew, ew," all the while. On his way to his room, Felix passed Isabella in the hallway. All Izzy could do was stare after her brother as he walked into his bedroom and shut the door.
"Yow, what got his briefs into a bundle?" Isabella asked herself.
Suddenly, the phone began to ring.
"I'll get it!" Isabella said as she ran to the living room and picked the phone up, "Broflovski Residence."
"Izzy is that you?" Came Stan's voice, "It's me, Mr. Marsh."
Hearing who was on the other side of the line caused Isabella's face to drop.
"Oh…it's you." Isabella said with a frown. Despite Stan dating Bebe for almost a month, Isabella still missed her late father, Kyle, greatly, and was far from keen on the idea of her mother dating someone else.
"Yes, it's me sweetie." Stan said, ignoring the girl's distain, "I want to speak to your mother, is she there?"
"Sure," Isabella sighed, "She's in the kitchen. I'll go get her."
Isabella walked to the kitchen to find her mother still washing baby Matthew.
"Mom, Mr. Marsh is on the phone." Isabella said.
"Just leave the phone on the counter and put it on speaker." Bebe instructed. Isabella did as she was told and left elsewhere. "Hello, Stan?"
"Bebe, hi." Stan said happily. "I saw your picture in the paper of the South Park Gazette earlier today. Great job. Sorry I couldn't call earlier, it was a very busy day today. You know police business, had to pick up Lyra from her Bowling Club, then I had to shoot to the grocery store to pick up some dinner, then I had to go over bills, the usual stuff."
"Yeah, I understand." Bebe said.
"Anyway, there's another reason why I wanted to call you." Stan began, "You see, tomorrow is the last day of school, and our kids get out at 12:00 tomorrow. So, Lyra came up with a brilliant idea."
"What's that?" Bebe asked.
"You see, she thinks that since the two of us have been dating for almost a month now, she should hang out with you for a day to get to know you better while Felix and Izzy spend the day with me so they get to know me better." Stan explained.
"That sounds like a wonderful idea!" Bebe concurred. "Especially since I have the day off tomorrow."
"That's another reason why I'm on board with Lyra's idea." Stan said, "I've got the day off tomorrow also. So, is it settled?"
"Yes," Bebe said, "I'll tell Felix and Izzy that you'll take them tomorrow while you tell Lyra that I'll take her tomorrow. We'll pick them up after school tomorrow and we'll return them at about 7:30 that evening. It's around the same time I have to pick up Matthew from my parents house."
"Sounds like a plan." Stan said happily. "See you 12:00 noon tomorrow."
"12:00 noon tomorrow," Bebe said with a nod. "See you then."
"Okay, later Bebe." Stan said as the two of them ended the call.
Bebe ended the call on her end just as she finished washing Matthew. "Okay Matty, you're all cleaned up. Now let's get you into some nice and cozy pajamas and send you off to dreamland."
Matthew giggled as Bebe carried the baby off to his room. As she made her way there however, she passed Isabella who listened in on hers and Stan's phone conversation, meaning she overheard their plan for tomorrow. Isabella sighed wistfully, still holding the memory of her father in her heart, and knowing that with these plans in motion, Bebe has moved on. She has found a new love and there's nothing she could do about it.
The rest of the night had both Stan and Bebe tell their respective children about what was going on the following day and they understood completely, even if Isabella already got the general gist of it from her mother and Stan's phone call.
So, Friday the 19th came and went. School was out for summer yet again, and the children stampeded out of the doors faster than greyhounds at the dog track. Lyra, Felix, and Isabella were no different, and waiting out in the parking lot for them was Stan and Bebe. Lyra turned to her two friends.
"Anything important I should know about your mother, Felix?" Lyra asked.
After thinking for a bit, Felix responded with, "On warm days like this, she'd like to go get a banana boat at Chilly Billy's Ice Cream Shoppe. So what can you tell us about your dad?"
Lyra was having a harder time trying to think about what her father likes. It honestly made her feel bad that she couldn't think of anything. "My dad is a fan of Sonic the Hedgehog." Lyra responded with a shrug of her shoulders.
"Okay, that would help if we were going to Game Stop or if we were going to watch that abomination of a movie adaptation, but I don't know what your dad has planned for us." Felix said.
(Author's Note: At the time of writing this part, the Sonic redesign hadn't happened yet and at the time of publishing this online the movie hasn't been released yet. A good redesign doesn't equal a good movie. You know what they say, "You can put lipstick on a pig, but it's still a pig)
"Just take the information I gave you and let it ride." Lyra said.
"'Let it ride,' she says." Isabella muttered.
Meanwhile, Bebe and Stan were discussing any important factors that they should know about their children.
"Just a heads up, Stan, Felix shares the same soy allergy that I do." Bebe warned as she handed him an epipen. "If heaven forbid he did come in contact with soy give him this."
"Thanks. What about Izzy?" Stan asked. "Does she have any allergies I should know about?"
"She should be fine." Bebe said, "What about Lyra."
"Hasn't had any problem with consuming food yet." Stan said, "And if you're wondering where you should take her, she really likes bowling."
"Got it." Bebe said.
"So what do your kids like to do for fun?" Stan asked.
"Felix and Izzy really love Whistlin' Willy's" Bebe said, "You shouldn't have to worry about Felix's soy allergy there, but as another warning, Felix likes sausage on his pizza while Izzy likes hers plain."
"Lucky for them I love both." Stan said, "So I'll order one plain pie and one sausage pie, and whatever they don't eat will become dinner for them tonight when they return home."
"Sounds good." Bebe said as hers and Stan's kids walked up to them. "Hey kids, are you ready to have fun."
"Sure!" Felix and Lyra said enthusiastically.
"Sure, I guess…" Isabella muttered.
"Alright, Lyra, be good for Ms. Broflovski." Stan said as he hugged his daughter.
"I will dad, don't worry." Lyra said.
"Izzy, Felix, that goes double for you two." Bebe said.
"You got it mom." Felix said.
"Alright, then I guess we'll trade back at 7:30, my place?" Bebe asked as Lyra went to her side.
"Sure." Stan said as Isabella and Felix went to his side, "You two go and have fun."
"Right back at you Stan," Bebe said, "See you later."
"Bye dad." Lyra said.
"See you, sweetheart." Stan said.
"Bye mom." Felix and Isabella said.
"Have fun, kids." Bebe said.
With that the two groups went their separate ways. Little did they know, however, they were being watched by Jacques Brodeur from the back of his private limousine. Inside the limousine, Jacques poured himself a bottle of fine champagne and looked at his phone to see Bebe's recent Facebook post:
"About to pick up Lyra Marsh for some girl time." #girlsdayout
"Oh, ho, ho." Jacques laughed, "Let this romantic game of cat and mouse begin."
We cut to Bebe and Lyra as they arrive at Mick's Bowling Alley. They enter the establishment and order their bowling shoes. After that they were given a lane to bowl on, and then they got their balls, a green one for Bebe and a yellow one for Lyra. Lyra went into the bathroom and came out wearing her bowling uniform: some black pants with a yellow pinstripe shirt.
"The Ten Pin Tyrant has arrived!" Lyra exclaimed
"Wow, you're oddly prepared for this." Bebe said impressed.
"I always carry around my bowling uniform in my backpack in case I feel like playing a few rounds after school." Lyra explained.
"Also, Ten Pin Tyrant?" Bebe said with a raised brow
"What?" Lyra said defensively. "The rest of my club gave me that nickname given I'm MVP, and it just kind of stuck."
"MVP, eh?" Bebe asked.
"You dare doubt the Ten Pin Tyrant's abilities?" Lyra said jokingly as she picked up her ball. "Stand back, milady, and prepare to have your socks knocked off."
Taking careful aim, Lyra took a few strides, threw her arm back, tossing the ball down the lane. The ball glided gracefully towards the pins and then…
CRASH!
"STRIKE!" Lyra exclaimed. This amazing feat resulted in Bebe giving a round of applause.
"Nice work, Lyra." Bebe said.
"I told you they didn't call me the Ten-Pin Tyrant for nothing." Lyra boasted. "I didn't even need the bumpers."
Bebe went next, and while she didn't bowl a strike like Lyra did, she did manage to bowl a spare. "Go ahead, Ly, let's see if you can get a streak going."
Lyra walked up to the lane with her ball, took careful aim yet again, let it go after taking a few graceful strides and…
CRASH!
"Boo-yah!" Lyra exclaimed, "Strike #2!"
"That's awesome, Lyra!" Bebe clapped. One of the other bowlers came over to Bebe.
"Say, that girl is amazing!" The bowler said, "Do you know her?"
"Yes, yes I do," Bebe said proudly.
As Lyra and Bebe bowled away, we cut to Stan, Felix, and Isabella who just walked inside of Whistlin' Willy's. A waiter showed them to their booth and Stan placed the order of one sausage pie and one plain pie. Even though Stan knew what Felix and Isabella liked, the latter just looked at him with a look that says "I'm not going to be won over that easily." Despite this, Felix seemed to appreciate his and his sister's likes and dislikes when it comes to pizza toppings, or lack there of in Isabella's case.
After a few minutes, the waiter came back with a bag full of tokens for Isabella and Felix to play the games. Stan let the two children run off and play, but told them to stick together and he'd call them when their pizza arrived.
As Felix and Isabella walked into the game area, they stopped at a skee-ball machine and Felix decided to play a few rounds. He inserted a token and the balls came out of their little slot. Felix rolled the first one up the lane and it landed right into the 500 point hole.
"Come on, big numbers, baby!" Felix said as he rolled another ball, this time in the 400 point hole. "Gotta get my ticket count up."
"Felix, how are you okay with this?" Isabella asked her brother.
"What, it's just skee-ball." Felix said, misunderstanding what his sister is trying to tell him, "No one ever got hurt playing skee-ball."
"No, I mean about our mom dating Mr. Marsh." Isabella explained, "I mean, he's a nice man and everything, but I feel like dad wouldn't want mom to start dating again."
"Believe me, I think he'd be okay with it." Felix said rolling another ball into the 500 point hole. "Besides, mom looks happy. I can't remember the last time I saw her this happy."
"But doesn't my happiness mean anything?" Isabella asked.
"Sounds to me like you still miss dad." Felix said, "Don't get me wrong, I miss him too, but sometimes when stuff like this happens, you just got to face the facts, admit he's gone, move on. That's exactly what mom and I are doing. Wouldn't hurt for you to get with the program."
As Felix played Isabella just stared down at the floor, thinking to herself, "But moving on…isn't so easy for me."
Back at Mick's Bowling Alley, Lyra and Bebe have reached the final frame. Bebe managed to get a decent score of 234, even managing to execute a near impossible seven-ten split getting a spare in the sixth frame. Lyra however has bowled a strike on every frame and she's going in for one more for the perfect score of 300. If she does this, Lyra will be the youngest bowler the alley ever had to bowl a perfect game. Bebe and the rest of the bowling alley watch intently, anticipating the rise of a new bowling legend. Bebe was recording the whole thing on her phone so she could show it to Stan later. The bowling alley was quiet, the only sounds there being the sound of the rotating fans on the ceiling and Steve Miller Band's "The Joker" being played over the loudspeaker. You really could cut the tension with a knife.
Lyra stared down her lane, even going as far as finger framing it to get an idea as to how her roll will unfold. Eventually, she picked up her ball, took careful aim, let it go and…..
….
….
CRASH!
"I DID IT!" Lyra shouted in response to the pins falling down. She had bowled a perfect game and the whole bowling alley cheered and applauded for her. Lyra waved and smiled in appreciation for everyone's support.
"Lyra, you were brilliant!" Bebe said joining the 10 year old girl.
"Thanks Mrs. Broflovski." Lyra said giving Bebe a hug. "I just wish dad was here to see this."
"Lucky for you I always have my phone around." Bebe said, "I'll just forward the video to your dad later tonight."
"Great." Lyra said as the bowling alley owner game over with a camera.
"Howdy, young lady, mind if I take a picture of you for our Hall of Fame?" The owner asked.
"You bet." Lyra said ecstatically.
"Smile!" The owner said as Lyra put on her best photogenic face. The owner clicked the button and took the picture. "Thank you. If you don't mind, I'd also like to send a copy to the South Park Gazette."
"By all means." Lyra said, "Let the world know of the Ten Pin Tyrant's reign!"
"Alright, pleasure doing business with you." The owner said as he left.
After that, Lyra and Bebe returned their shoes and balls, Lyra changed back into her street clothes, and they left the bowling alley.
"That was fun." Lyra said. "I honestly can't believe I bowled a perfect game. It feels too much like a dream."
"Well you better believe it because it's real." Bebe said.h
"I can't wait until my dad and everyone else sees what I've done." Lyra said.
"I'm sure they'll all be as proud of you as I am right now" Bebe said.
It was at this moment when a black limousine pulled up next to the two of them. The passenger window lowered down to reveal Jacques Brodeur inside.
"Bonjour, fellow dames." Jacques began, "Please allow me to introduce myself. I am Jacques Brodeur."
"Jacques Brodeur?" Bebe said, "Like South Park's famous art critic?"
"The very same." Jacques said, "And if I'm not mistaken, your name is Bebe Broflovski."
"That's right," Bebe said, "How did you know?"
"I saw your face in the newspaper," Jacques explained, "You take a marvelous picture, mon jolie femme." It was at this moment when Jacques acknowledged Lyra.
"Oh, this petit croissant must be your daughter." Jackques said.
"No sir," Lyra said, feeling uneasy about the art critic, "I'm Lyra Marsh. Just a friend of hers. Anyway, what are you doing here?"
"I was just in the neighborhood when I so happened to spot beautiful Bebe." Jacques said, hiding his lie of stalking her online.
"Uh-huh…" Lyra said with a raised brow.
"Anyway, I just want to know if you ladies would like to come back to my mansion where you can show me more of your art." Jacques said.
"Thanks, but no thanks." Lyra said, "Even if we did want to, Mrs. Broflovski would need to take pictures of every last piece of art she made which is too time consuming and I'm sure she…"
"Already have a vast majority of them already posted onto my secondary Facebook account." Bebe said, cutting Lyra off.
"Oh of course you do." Lyra said annoyed.
"Magnifique!" Jacques said as a female servant came out of the front-passenger seat of the limo. "Please, if you give your keys to Claudette, she'll be happy to drive your car to my mansion so you may leave after we discuss business."
Bebe looked over at Lyra, "You don't mind if we do this real quick do you?"
"Okay," Lyra said begrudgingly as Bebe gave her keys to Jacques' servant Claudette. Bebe and Lyra then got into the limousine with Jacques and they drove off for his mansion. As they drove, Lyra's suspicions on Jacques didn't dwindle and she grew more and more curious about his true intentions.
Back at Whistlin' Willy's, Felix had finished scoring big on all the games he could, and now he's ready to cash his tickets in at the prize station. Isabella played a few games to try and get her mind off Stan dating her mom and she managed to score a good amount of tickets too.
"What prize are you going to get, Izzy?" Felix asked.
"You know I like to save my tickets, Felix." Isabella explained. "Especially for a big ticket item like that."
Isabella pointed at a miniature gumball machine that was sitting on one of the higher shelves. It has a sticker on it that read 5,000 tickets. In total, Isabella only had 1,500 tickets.
"That's a lot of tickets." Felix said looking at the miniature gumball machine. "You want me to give you some of my tickets?"
"No thanks, Felix." Isabella said, "I appreciate it, I really do, but those are your tickets. Besides you only have 2,000 on you. It wouldn't be enough."
"Alright then," Felix said as he started to look for a good prize. Nothing was speaking out to him however. That is until he noticed a Sonic the Hedgehog plushie worth exactly 2,000 tickets. He remembered that Lyra said that Stan loved Sonic the Hedgehog. To Felix, that plush toy was like a sign from God.
"That Sonic plush is sure to put a smile on Mr. Marsh's face." Felix said to himself.
"Have we made our selection?" Asked the man behind the counter.
"Yes, sir," Felix said as he put all 2,000 of his tickets on the counter, "I'd like that Sonic plush right up there. I believe you'll find everything in order."
The worker ran all of Felix's tickets through a machine to see that he has all 2,000.
"Okay, one Sonic plushie it is." The worker said as he gave Felix the plush toy.
"Alright!" Felix said happily. "Mr. Marsh is going to love this."
"Great…" Isabella muttered.
"Felix, Izzy, pizza's ready!" Stan called and the brother and sister went back to their table for food.
"Alright, pizza's looking good!" Felix said licking his lips.
"Fresh from the oven." Stan explained as he served himself and Felix a sausage slice, Isabella a plain slice, "Alright kids, dig in."
Felix and Stan ate their slices happily, but Isabella was lost in thought, still thinking about the recent developments going on in her life. Stan noticed Isabella seemed distressed and was about to ask her if everything's okay when Felix tapped him on the shoulder.
"Mr. Marsh," Felix began, "Before I forgot I got this for you."
Felix showed Stan the Sonic plushie he won and gave it to him.
"Hey, Sonic!" Stan said with a nostalgic smile, "I used to play his games on the Sega Genesis a lot when I was younger. I still like to play Sonic Colors and Generations with Lyra whenever she wants to play. This is really cool Felix, thank you."
"I'm glad you liked it, Mr. Marsh." Felix said hugging Stan, much to Isabella's chagrin. Isabella couldn't believe how her brother is accepting Stan as a part of their family so easily, almost as if he doesn't care that their real father, Kyle, is dead. To Isabella, it was almost as if Felix and by extension their mother forgot all bout Kyle.
Isabella got up out of her seat and started to walk away.
"Hey, Izzy, where are you going?" Stan asked.
"I'm going out to get some fresh air." Isabella said as she walked outside and sat down on a bench in front of the restaurant.
"Don't worry, Mr. Marsh, she's my sister. I got this." Felix said.
"Not so fast, Felix." Stan said, "I think I know what's wrong with Izzy. And I think I know how to put some pep back in her step."
"Well if you're looking to cheer Izzy up, I have an idea." Felix said as he motioned towards the miniature gumball machine at the prize counter.
While Felix and Stan formulated a plan to cheer Isabella up, Bebe and Lyra arrived at Jacques' mansion, a few miles outside of South Park. Jacques' servant Claudette was following behind the limo in Bebe's car. When they arrived to the mansion, Claudette returned the car keys to Bebe as Jacques led her and Lyra inside his mansion. They followed him to his study. Jacques sat down behind his desk as he had two more of his servants pull up chairs in front of the desk for Bebe and Lyra to sit in.
"Merci, mon amis." Jacques said as the two servants left to go about their business. Lyra and Bebe sat in the chairs with the former looking at Jacques intently.
"There's something about this guy that's not sitting well with me." Lyra said to herself.
"Well then, Bebe, would you like to show me le art?" Jacques asked.
"Of course," Bebe said as she took out her phone and showed Jacques her secondary Facebook account, where she had all of her artwork. Jacques was legitimately blown aback by her artwork, and he was impressed with all of the work she put into it.
"Zut alors!" Jacuqes said, "I've never seen such beauty splashed onto canvases in all my years as an art critic! The brushwork, the colors, the unity with variety! Bebe, you are truly a goddess among painters! The only thing more beautiful than your hands is your darling face."
"Oh, uh, thanks." Bebe said not sure how to react to Jacques compliments.
"Please, mademoiselle, don't be so humble." Jacques said, "You are sensational! In more ways than one I must add."
Hearing Jacques complimenting Bebe again made Lyra cringe, "Give me a break," she muttered.
"I'm really glad you like my work, Mr. Brodeur," Bebe said.
"You have potential, mon belle," Jacques said, "As a famed art critic, I'd be honored to teach you some tricks that'll take your artistic talent to even greater heights!"
"That sounds good," Bebe said, "But first, do you have a bathroom around here?"
"Of course," Jacques said, "Walks left down the hall, go up the stairs and the bathroom should be the first door on the right."
"Thank you," Bebe said, "I'll be right back, Lyra."
Bebe left Lyra alone with Jacques in the study to find a bathroom. Lyra decided to use this opportunity to confront Jacques about his behavior towards Bebe.
"Okay, Frenchie," Lyra said, "What's going on here?"
"I have no idea what you're prattling on about mon petit croissant." Jacques said.
"I know what you're trying to do." Lyra said, "You're trying to get with Mrs. Broflovski. Well you're barking up the wrong tree, bub, because she's already dating someone."
"Oh, is that right?" Jacques asked.
"Yeah, my dad." Lyra began, "You know, Stan Marsh, the same guy who shot an Iraqi General and killed him in one shot about 10 years back? High ranking officer at South Park Police Station? Maybe you've heard of him?"
"Stan Marsh?" Jacques questioned, "Oh, la, la! I know who you're talking about! So you're Stanley's little girl, eh?"
"Yeah," Lyra said, "And I think I speak for both of us when I say step off or the next art piece you'll be critiquing will be the abstract sculpture that will be your face!"
"Are you threatening me?" Jacques said, "Don't make me laugh, brat! I'm not afraid of you or your 'hero' father. I've seen poodles scarier than you. And besides, I think Bebe will be much happier with me than she'll ever be with your father."
"In what way," Lyra asked, "Enlighten me."
"One word: Money," Jacques said, "I have enough money to keep her happy and not only that, I can help her in furthering her art career. Your veteran daddy would just holding her back."
"Money doesn't mean everything, guy." Lyra said, "She's not going to be attracted to you just because you have a bigger wallet. It's what's in your heart that she'll truly be attracted to. My dad has a heart of gold, but I take one look at you and see a heart full of blackness. Furthermore, my father fully supports Mrs. Broflovski's art career. He's the one who inspired her to pursue it you know."
"B-But I love her," Jacques said feeling nervous.
"Bull!" Lyra shouted, "Love is something that takes time, you don't just wake up one day and decide you're in love with someone. You are in lust with Mrs. Broflovski, my dad is in love with her. While I have yet to actually hear him say he loves her, I can see it in his eyes that he has that feeling about her. You will never, ever know the true meaning of love, you blackheart.
"You've blathered on long enough mon petit croissant." Jacques said, "I find the words you are spilling to be not only boring but very rude. You need a time out!"
Jacques picked up a little bell and rung it. When he did that, a male servant came into the study.
"Yes, Mr. Brodeur, sir?" The servant asked.
"This little girl needs to be taught some manners," Jacques said, "Lock her in my store room until she evens out."
"Right away, sir," The servant said as he grabbed Lyra's arm, "Come on, you!"
"Hey, let me go!" Lyra shouted as she was getting dragged out of the study, "You're not getting away with this Frenchie!"
"I could say I already have but…oh que se passe-t-il, I'll say it anyway: I already have!" Jacques said with a toothy grin.
A few seconds after Lyra and the servant left the study was when Bebe came back. She immediately noticed that Lyra was missing.
"Hey, Jacques, where's Lyra?" Bebe asked.
"The girl?" Jacques asked, concocting a lie in his twisted head, "Oh, she was looking bored so I had one of my servants send her to the playroom."
"You have a playroom?" Bebe asked,
"Of course," Jacques continued, "The Brodeur family is a rather large one with my brothers and sisters bearing fruit every year. I need to have a room for those little rugrats to play in when they visit.
"That's reasonable." Bebe said, "Now about what you said about giving me some pointers on art?"
"Oh yes, of course," Jacques said as he took out some paints, brushes, and a slab of Bristol paper, "Just paint something, anything, the first thing that comes to mind. Then I'll critique it and show you how it can be better."
"Okay," Bebe said as she got to work.
"I find listening to music is a great thing to do while you work," Jacques said, "May I?"
"Go right ahead," Bebe said.
Jacques turned on his stereo and some rather soothing classical music came out.
"It never hurts to have good mood music," Jacques thought to himself as he stared at Bebe as she painted, "The time has come to steal that kiss."
As that was going on, the servant had just arrived to the store room, threw Lyra inside, and shut and locked the door. Lyra ran up to the door and started banging on it.
"Let me out of here!" Lyra shouted, "You're not getting away with this!"
After banging on the door a few more times, Lyra then started to pace back and forth in the store room, which had only a few boxes in it as well as a ceiling fan that was currently turned off.
"There's got to be a way out of here," Lyra thought, "I've got to warn Mrs. Broflovski that Jacques can't be trusted."
Lyra then looked up and found a small window that she could fit through. "I bet I could crawl out of that window." She said to herself, "Now it's just a matter on how I'm going to reach it."
Lyra looked around at the boxes surrounding her, "I bet I'll find something useful in these," she said as she opened the first box. To her surprise, Lyra found an old journal that belongs to Jacques. Lyra opened the book up and found some shocking writings. The first one she found read…
March 10, 1999
I got kicked out of Brown University today. Olive Hutchinson accused me of sexual harassment and got me expelled. All I did was corner her in the hallway and try to turn on my, "French Charm," just like how my father got my mother. I think Olive was overreacting, I mean it's not like I was going to do anything explicit to her…at least right there and then.
This journal entry shook Lyra to her core. She flipped through the pages to see what else she could find.
May 16, 2011
That's yet another dame to file a restraining order on me. Why can't fate just throw me a bone? I go to all the effort to take a pretty up-and-coming artist like Amber Cerney and turn her into a full-fledged painter, and she runs to the police accusing me of "inappropriate touching." I can't help it if I'm a handsy guy, especially when it comes to a belle like her. Her ample bosom is something I'll always see when I close my eyes.
"This guy is a total creep!" Lyra said. She had seen enough. Now that she had proof to show Bebe that Jacques is a total pervert, all she had to do know was escape the store room. After rummaging through more boxes, Lyra found some old curtains that she tied together to make a sort of rope.
Lyra threw one end of her curtain rope upwards towards the ceiling fan. It took a few tries for her to throw it on there so that way it stays nice and secure, but eventually she got it to stick. Lyra grabbed Jacques' journal and climbed up the curtain rope until she reaches the top. Next, Lyra had to jump to the window, open it, and climb out. Lyra started to swing and she gained momentum, once she felt like she had enough…
"1, 2, 3!"
Lyra jumped from the curtain rope grabbed onto the window sill while holding Jacques' journal in her mouth. Quickly, Lyra opened up the window and crawled out.
Lyra was now on the roof of the mansion, meaning she now had to find her way back to the study. She remembered that the study had a window and it was on the ground floor. She knew she had to make her way back down to the ground. Carefully, Lyra made her way down to the lowest roof of the mansion. With no other way down, Lyra had to jump. She jumped off the roof and rolled forward when she landed on the ground. She was fine.
Safely back on the ground, Lyra ran around the mansion until she found the window to the study. There, she saw Bebe working on a painting and Jacques discreetly applying lip balm. There was still time for Lyra to stop Jacques plan. Right when Jacques started to approach Bebe was when Lyra started to bang on the window.
"Mrs. Broflovski!" Lyra shouted, causing Bebe to look in her direction. Bebe ran over to the window, opened it, and let Lyra back in.
"Lyra, what are you doing out there?" Bebe asked, "Jacques said you went to the playroom."
"If by playroom you mean storeroom then yes!" Lyra said.
"Storeroom?" Bebe said.
"Yeah, where I found this!" Lyra said pulling out Jacques journal. She opened it up and showed Bebe, "Take a look"
Bebe read some of the journal entries and the look on her face went from curiosity to absolute disgust. "Oh my God," Bebe wretched, "Jacques is this true?"
"Uh…yes," Jacques said, "But listen, mademoiselle, I was young a stupid back then. I've grown these past few years, you must believe me."
"A journal entry from 2018 says that a woman had a restraining order on you for watching her pee." Bebe said causing Jacques to fall silent,
"Jacques," Bebe said, "Was I going to be your next victim?"
Jacques stuttered, afraid to answer.
"Answer the question, Frenchie!" Lyra said.
"Well you see I just…the fact of the matter is….uh…can I have a kiss?"
Bebe gasped and slapped Jacques hard across the face, "You're a creep!" She shouted, "Come on Lyra, let's get out of here!"
"Right behind you!" Lyra said, "So long Frenchie!"
Bebe and Lyra left Jacques to wallow in defeat, but that slap to the face only made Jacques want Bebe more.
"Oh, la, la, what a woman." Jacques said, "I'll get you yet, Bebe, mon belle."
Meanwhile, back at Whistlin' Willy's, Isabella is still sitting outside on the bench, lost in thought. It was at that moment when Stan came out of the restaurant, holding something behind his back.
"Hey, Izzy?" Stan asked the girl.
"What is it, Mr. Marsh?" Isabella asked.
"I have something I want to give you," Stan said as he shows Isabella what it was he was hiding behind his back…it was the miniature gumball machine that she wanted. She gave it to Isabella and her face perked right up.
"It's the gumball machine I wanted. Thank you." Isabella said, "But how did you?"
"It took a lot of convincing, but I talked the manager into letting me buy it for $25," Stan explained.
"But why?" Isabella asked, "Even after I acted so cold towards you all day."
"Felix told me you wanted it," Stan explained, "I thought that maybe if I bought you the gumball machine it'd make you smile. But now it's my turn to ask a question: Why are you acting so depressed?"
"It's just that, I don't know, this whole change." Isabella began, "My mom is dating you, Felix is acting like you're his father. It's almost like the two of them forgot all about him."
"By him you mean your dad, right?" Stan asked, causing Isabella to nod.
"I feel like they're betraying him by moving on and hanging out with you. How could they just forgot about him." Isabella continued, "Felix tells me I need to move on as well, but I don't want to move on, I don't want to forget, I just want things to go back to the way they were."
Sensing the girl's sadness, Stan rubbed her back to comfort her, "Believe me, I know the feeling," Stan said "You should also believe me when I say that your brother and mother will never forget your father."
"They won't?" Isabella asked.
"Of course not," Stan said, "But they know dwelling on his death won't solve anything. So while it hurts to say goodbye to those you love the most, you know deep down they'd want you to keep moving forward. They'd want to see you happy. So even though we may never truly forget the ones we love, we only move forward in our lives to make them happy wherever they may be.
"So your saying my dad might very well be happy that my mom is dating you and that Felix is looking up to you?" Isabella asked.
"I'm sure he is," Stan said, "Now he's just waiting on you."
With a new outlook Isabella felt inspired to finally move on as well...but there was one last worry.
"But…you don't know me as well as my dad did." Isabella worried, "He knew everything there was to know about me."
"It is true that I have a lot to learn about you, Matthew, and Felix, Izzy," Stan began, "But like most things in life, I'm sure that overtime I'll know everything that your father knew. I intend on being the best step-parent ever for you three, but I just need you to give me a chance. What do you say?"
Isabella gave Stan a hug and said, "You got it"
"Thank you, Izzy," Stan said, "I've known you kids since you were born and watched you all grow. Here we are now, me dating your mom and you kids acting as my step kids. It's funny how life works things out, isn't it?"
"You said it, Mr. Marsh." Isabella said warmly, "Like you said, it'll take time for you to learn everything about us, but you learned something today: What pizzas Felix and I like."
"Hey, we all gotta start somewhere." Stan joked causing him and Isabella to laugh. "Come on, let's head back inside."
Hand in hand, Isabella and Stan walked back inside Whistlin' Willy's and back to their table where they found a satisfied Felix rubbing his stomach after eating two and a half slices of sausage pizza.
"Someone looks like they enjoyed their pizza." Stan said.
"You know it Mr. Marsh," Felix said followed by a burp, "Excuse me"
Isabella laughed at that.
"You seem chipper now, Isabella," Felix said.
"Of course I am," Isabella said, "I got a new miniature gumball machine, Mr. Marsh and I had a good talk, I'm back baby!"
"Awesome!" Felix said before turning to face Stan, "Hey Mr. Marsh, thanks for making Izzy happy again."
"It was my pleasure Felix." Stan said as he was about to take another bite out of his pizza slice, but before he did, he took a quick glance back at Felix. When he did, he saw something familiar in his eyes. Stan was having déjà vu from when Lyra was born, and he was now getting a quick vision from Kyle's past: a memory from when Stan and Kyle first met.
The year was 1995, Kyle's mom Sheila and Stan's mom Sharon arranged a playdate for their boys, only four years old at the time, at the park. They had an absolute whale of a time.
They played hide-and-seek with Kyle hiding under the slide when Stan was the seeker, and Stan hiding behind the largest tree when Kyle was the seeker. They'd spin around as fast as they could on the merry-go-round, laughing all the while. They had a swing-off to see who could swing the highest, with Stan coming out as the victor.
The playground had musical instruments that the two would play on: Kyle played with the drums and Stan played with the xylophone. Finally, they remembered building what Stan called the ultimate sandcastle. Unfortunately they couldn't build It properly since it kept falling down, but the two boys didn't care. They were just having fun being in each other's presence.
Even though Stan and Kyle have known each other since they were babies, that day at the park was easily one of Stan's favorite days from the early years of his and Kyle's friendship.
Stan saw that vision in Felix's eyes as a way of Kyle thanking him for turning Isabella's attitude around, "You're welcome, Kyle." Stan said to himself.
Meanwhihle, after storming out of Jacques' mansion, Bebe and Lyra drove back into town when Lyra suggested getting ice cream at Chilly Billy's Ice Cream Shoppe to which Bebe agreed.
Upon arriving to the ice cream parlour, the two of them placed their orders: One banana boat for Bebe and a hot fudge sundae for Lyra. As they ate away at their treats, they decided to converse.
"Sorry I had to drag you into that mess with Jacques, Lyra." Bebe apologized. "I hope you're not too mad at me."
"Water under the bridge, Mrs. Broflovski," Lyra said, "Besides, I don't entirely blame you for trusting him. He was a famous art critic who you thought could help further your career and maybe even give you a good connection. And besides, at least our girl's day out is back on track."
"Amen," Bebe said, "But I also want to thank you for saving me back there and showing me who Jacques really is as a person. If you hadn't, I don't even want to think about what would happen."
"I know you'd do the same thing for me," Lyra said.
"Hopefully that'll be the last we'll ever see of that French asshat," Bebe said before realizing she cursed, "Oh, sorry Lyra."
"It's fine," Lyra said, "He is quite the asshat."
The two of them laughed and continued to eat their treats before they melted. As they ate, Lyra looked over at Bebe with a smile who looked right back at her with a similar smile. However, that smile turned to a look of surprise when she saw a familiar site in Lyra's eyes: It was a vision from when Wendy was still alive, and she saved her from a similar situation that Bebe was in today.
It was May of 2009, and Bebe was at South Park Mall looking for a dress to wear to the prom. Wendy had decided to tag along to not only help her friend, but also to look for a dress herself. Even though Wendy and Stan were separated at the time, she still wanted to go since it was a once in a lifetime opportunity for every high school student.
As they shopped, a boy about the same age as Wendy and Bebe at the time, 17/18 years old, came up to Bebe and attempted to hit on her. Despite telling the boy many times that she already has a boyfriend, he wouldn't leave Bebe alone, and the more she rejected him, the more annoyed and aggressive he became.
Wendy noticed this and sprung into action when she saw the boy grab Bebe by the wrist, wanting to drag her off somewhere. Wendy pushed the boy to the floor and kicked him square in the nuts, causing the boy to writhe in pain. It was at that moment when Wendy said, "Didn't you hear my friend? She said she's taken, asshole! Now leave us alone before I rip your balls off and shove them somewhere that the sun doesn't shine!"
The boy immediately ran off, hands over his crotch as onlookers applauded Wendy for her heroism. Bebe remembered hugging Wendy and thanking her for helping her out of that situation and the two of them resumed their shopping.
Wendy saved Bebe from the claws of lust that day, and her daughter Lyra did the same a mere 10 years later. Reminded of that heroic moment only made Bebe smile warmly and said to herself, "Thanks again, Wendy, you're a true friend."
The rest of the day was just Stan and Bebe's kids and Bebe and Lyra hanging out, talking, laughing, and playing. To all of them, it was a great way to start off their summer.
7:30, however was when it all ended. They met at Bebe's parents house so she could pick up her infant son Matthew. Lyra went back to Stan and Felix and Isabella went back to Bebe. They all said their goodbyes and went back to their respective homes.
Later that evening at the Marsh Residence, Lyra and Stan conversed about their day with Bebe and the Broflovski kids respectively. Lyra mentioned about her and Bebe's encounter with Jacques Brodeur and how he attempted to make a move on her.
"Frenchie's got some coconuts on him doesn't he?" Stan said in response to his daughter's story.
"That's not all, dad, he locked me in his storeroom so I couldn't stop him," Lyra continued, "I only managed to get out thanks to whatever I found in the boxes that were there."
"He locked you in a room!" Stan said outraged. He grabbed his car keys from the key tree and prepared to leave.
"Where are you going?" Lyra asked
"I'm going to this Jacques Brodeur's place and have a little 'chat' with him." Stan said
"Dad, please, don't." Lyra begged, "Violence won't solve anything. Besides, Jacques is rich, he'll probably have the best lawyers and put you away for good if you do something this rash."
"I suppose you're right," Stan said letting out a sigh of defeat and putting the keys back on the key tree, "It's just that you're my daughter, and I can't bear the thought of someone laying their hands on you like that."
"It's fine, Mrs. Broflovski slapped him silly," Lyra said, "She doesn't think we'll see him again, but I somehow doubt it."
"He'd better hope he doesn't run into me if he knows what's good for him." Stan said.
"Indeed," Lyra said, "But with people like him lurking about, it does bring up an interesting question: "When do you plan on making yours and Mrs. Broflovski's relationship official?"
"What do you mean?" Stan asked.
"I mean when do you two plan on going from two friends that are dating to legitimate boyfriend/girlfriend status?" Lyra asked, "When do you plan on telling Mrs. Broflovski, 'I love you'?"
"Well since we started dating it's not like I haven't thought about it," Stan explained, "It's just that the timing never seemed appropriate."
"So you're saying we need to find the perfect moment for you to ask her?" Lyra asked.
"Yes," Stan explained, "There's a time and place for everything."
"Okay, I think I get it," Lyra said, "But when and how shall we do it?"
"I don't know, Lyra," Stan said, "But right now, I just want to sit back, relax, and watch some T.V"
Stan turned on the T.V and an advertisement was playing. It went…
"…Come down to South Park Town Square for the 37th Annual Fourth of July Sing-Off. Winner gets a $1,000 cash prize! Only the best will win. Come meet judges, Robert Downey Jr., Chris Hemsworth, and Chris Evans. If you think you've got what it takes, then enter the Fourth of July Sing-Off this Fourth of July at South Park Town Square."
Having become aware of the sing-off, Lyra and Stan let out some toothy grins now that they have a good idea on what to do next.
TO BE CONTINUED…
(Cue Don't Think Twice by Hikaru Utada (Once again, characters and events that have yet to appear/happen will be mentioned here))
(How did I live in a kingdom of thieves? And people who say things they don't really mean?)
(It's a sunny day and Wendy and Stan are dancing together outside and right next to them are Kyle and Bebe, who are also dancing. Suddenly, the sunny skies turn stormy and Wendy is ripped away from Stan, and Kyle is ripped away from Bebe, both couples trying in vein to reach out to one another. Wendy and Kyle go up into the sky, can the ground gives weight for Stan and Bebe to fall down)
(You're only everything I ever dreamed. Ever dreamed of, ever dreamed of)
(As Stan and Bebe fall, they are enveloped by a red colored paint type substance. Behind the paint is a shadowy figure. It smiles evilly. This figure is one of Jacques Brodeur)
(You must be kidding me, did you really think I could say no?)
(Stan's daughter Lyra, and Bebe's son Felix are running through a grassy plain and two balls of light fall from the sky. The light balls reveal themselves as Wendy and Kyle, who hold their hands out to their children)
(I want you for a lifetime. So if you're gonna think twice, baby. I don't wanna know, baby, I don't wanna know)
(Cartman is standing in front of a statue of a heart. He pulls out a gun and shoots it, causing it to break. Shelly then appears and collapses to the ground, heartbroken)
(Everything is just right. But if you're gonna think twice, baby. I don't wanna know, baby, I don't wanna know)
(Sometime later, Cody Oppenheimer finds the broken pieces of the heart and puts them back together)
(I really don't get what everyone else believes. So why do I say things I don't really mean, really mean.)
(Late at night, Lola and Kenny are in bed. But while Lola is sleeping, Kenny is looking up more information about the crystals he heard about in war)
(I'm only crying 'cause I never dreamed. It'd take this long, it'd take this long)
(Kenny thinks about General Rakish with the big purple crystal floating over him. Suddenly, eight more smaller crystals circle around the big purple one: A red one, a blue one, a green one, a gold one, a pink one, an orange one, a white one, and a black one)
(I want you for a lifetime. So if you're gonna think twice, baby. I don't wanna know, baby, I don't wanna know.)
(General Rakish turns into another villain, Carlos Murciélago. The crystals are still floating over him, and the background changes to the grassy plain from before. The main adults and children are watching in horror at the sight before them)
(Everything is just right. But if you're gonna think twice, baby. I don't wanna know, baby, I don't wanna know)
(Carlos summons a demon warship from out of nowhere and easily takes out the adults and younger children, much to the older children's horror)
(Don't think twice, don't think twice. Don't think twice, baby, don't think twice)
(The children are crying and look like they're going to lose hope when an astral projection of Sir Justice appears. The sight of the unknown hero inspires the children to not give up and put the villain down. The children and Sir Justice charge at Carlos and the warship)
(If you want to take it to an even higher level. All you gotta do is say the word, you know I'll follow. If you wanna take it to an even higher level. I don't, I don't bite)
(Outside of the dream, Isabella Broflovski is looking at a picture of Kyle. Behind him Stan places a hand on her shoulder, which Isabella brushes off and walks away)
(If you want to make it happen, nothing's impossible. All you gotta do is say the word, the walls will crumble. If you want to make it happen, nothing's impossible)
(Shelly gets up from her heartbreak and finds Cody holding a hand out to pick her up. Shelly grabs Cody's hand and we cut to the next scene)
(I want you for a lifetime. So if you're gonna think twice, baby. I don't wanna know, baby, I don't wanna know)
(Stan and Jacques are fighting for Bebe's affections)
(Everything is just right. But if you're gonna think twice, baby. I don't wanna know, baby, I don't wanna know)
(Felix and Lyra are in a dark area, the look behind them to find a older, dying boy in a hospital bed. This boy is named Byron. Lyra and Felix try and run to the hospital bed to see him, but once again, the ground gives weight and the two kids fall into darkness)
(Kiss me once, kiss me twice, kiss me three times. Cross the line)
(Stan and Bebe are alone on a hill somewhere admiring the sunset. The two of them look into each other's eyes before making a move to kiss each other)
(Don't think twice, don't think twice. Don't think twice, baby, don't think twice)
(Cut to night time on that same hill where the Marshes, Broflovskis, Donovans, Tweaks, Tuckers, Cartmans, Stotches, McCormicks, and Oppenheimers are looking up at a full moon. Some of the kids are asleep, but those who are awake are enjoying the company and the beauty of the night sky)
Next time on South Park Warzone Collection, we go back to check in on Shelly and Junior as they prepare to meet up once again. See you guys then.