Chapter 116

Scarlett could feel a steadiness come over her. Her sister was with her and she could feel her spirit as she moved about the room introducing more of her friends in the convent. When Careen finally sat down, Scarlett told her, "You know, baby- out of all three of us, you seem more like Mother- the way you walked just now, you remind me of her-"

Careen smiled brightly at this surprising compliment. She seemed to like it very much. "My friends tell me that I was raised well. I read my prayers to them- do you know, I compose prayers now- some of them say, the prayers are very soothing- The Head Mother says that I have understood piety well- she appreciates that symmetry- the way the sentiment to God flows from one sentence to another. You know the schools are growing across the state and they need sisters to compose good passages and hymns. I make a few jottings and Reverend Mother makes the alterations and pens them in the name of this convent. Isn't that wonderful?"

"As long as you are happy, dear" replied Scarlett.

"What about you, Sis? You must have found something like this too? How is everyone at Tara?"

"They are all alright" answered Scarlett, her voice in a curious tremble.

Careen looked up. "You sounded so sad just now. And I always thought memories of Tara made you feel happy. Has something bad happened?"

Normally Scarlett would not have shared her worries with Careen but Careen spoke so evenly and steadily that Scarlett couldn't help speaking out.

"When I visited last, the woods and pines seem to be taking over the County, Careen. Will and even Rhett keeping saying things about it but somehow they seem to be looking to me. And I don't know what to do- "

Careen frowned lightly. "But Tara is doing well, isn't it?"

"Tara is a smart little farm now" agreed Scarlett. "But what about our neighbors - Oh baby, I know it is hard for you but- the Tarletons are all gone except for Beatrice Tarleton and the girls.. and..and.. the Wilkes- you've heard-"

Careen touched Scarlett's arm lightly. "Oh Sis, I know what you mean- Oh, if God has put something in your heart to do it- then please do- I just know you will do something wonderful for our Tara-"

"But..but I can't bring anything back , Careen- I.."

"But Mother and Father- oh, Scarlett- think of Mother.. you say I sound like her but it's you that has her gentle spirit- you are strong, Scarlett-"

"No I am not" replied Scarlett, tears welling her eyes once again. "You don't know how I approached Mother- I..I wasn't very truthful- and.. and God wouldn't-" Scarlett's voice faded away in shame.

"Oh" cried Careen, empathically. "God isn't like that"

"But what about all those stories of Hell and Purgatory- Your Reverend Mother must frighten you a lot with stories of-"

"No she doesn't" said Careen, simply. "Scarlett, I wanted to tell you something- I think Mother was wrong to have said those stories. And since she is gone now, I can only ask you to forgive her. I.. I believe she was only doing it to make us good and right-"

Now it was Scarlett's turn to look up in surprise at the hint of steel in Careen's voice.

"Sis, God is gentle and kind. You don't have to be afraid. If you have any idea on how things should go, then speak the truth to God. No one else needs to know. We have a confession, right here. There is a small dark room right next to the convent hall and somebody is always there to listen-"

Scarlett's mouth suddenly bent in a smile when she saw the sincerity in her sister's face. But Careen's voice wasn't soft just now. It was frantic.

Then Careen seemed to read Scarlett's expression. Her face immediately reddened. She paused for a moment and then said, "Scarlett, if you knew all the good that you can do- then you cannot let something like fear.. especially fear of God.. the wrong kind of fear, I mean- Scarlett, would you tell Wade that he was going to Hell if he ever did something wrong? Have you ever told anyone..?"

Scarlett stared at Careen for a long time and then slowly replied, this time thoughtfully, "No, I have never told anyone- except maybe-" Her mind went over the many times she had told Rhett to go to Halifax and how many times she and he had laughed over telling others to go to Hell.

But her eyes fell on Careen now who was regarding her with a grave seriousness. "I mean in the way Mother used to tell- Did you ever tell Wade or Ella?"

Scarlett shook her head faintly.

"But they must have made you angry- You never could bear Wade holding on to your skirts and jumping on Melly - Remember when he once bounced on her tummy- you could have led him aside and told him he was going to go to Hell-"

"Never, I could never say that!" cried Scarlett, surprised by the loudness in her own voice.

"Why not?"

"Because he's only a little boy- all he needed was a slap and that's- well, he's my son!"

Careen smiled brightly at this. But Scarlett looked none the wiser. She merely stared at her sister, wondering what she was arriving at. Then Careen said, "Well, if you wouldn't do it to Wade, why do you believe it yourself?"