South Park's Emotional Warzone Chapter 16: The Musical Chapter
(Get ready for a long one)
The Fourth of July, a symbol of American Independence, the real kick off of summer, a time of barbecue and fireworks, and in the case of the citizens of South Park, time for the Annual Fourth of July Sing-Off.
A week before the big event was when everybody planned for their respective performances. Let's take a look at some of these preparations now:
(6/26/20: Stan and Lyra's Preparations)
At Stan and Lyra's place of residence, the father and daughter are seated in front of Stan's office computer, going through a list of romantic songs for Stan to sing so he can express his love to Bebe. His office window is open to try and get some fresh air in the house.
"What do you think of 'Died in Your Arms' by Cutting Crew?" Lyra asked.
"No, I'm not feeling that one," Stan said, "What else is there?"
Lyra scrolled down the list for the next song, "Celine Dion's 'My Heart Will Go On'?"
"Next," Stan said.
"How about 'Hello' by Lionel Richie," Lyra said enthusiastic, "I'm not going to lie to you dad, I listened to a bit of this song last night, and I have never heard a song more beautiful in all ten years of my living."
Lyra let out a wistful sigh and proceeded to sing the chorus:
"Hello? Is it me you're looking for?"
"Uh, Lyra?" Stan said confused.
"I can see it in your eyes. I can see it in your smile."
"Earth to Lyra," Stan said, starting to become annoyed.
"You're all I ever wanted, and my arms are open wide."
"Lyra."
"Because you know just what to say, and you know just what to do."
"Lyra!"
"And I want to tell you so much…I love you."
Stan cleared his throat loudly to snap his daughter out of her singing before getting back to business, "As beautiful of a song that is, I feel it's too cliché. We need to think harder. I need something that truly expresses my deepest most intimate emotions."
"Well, there is one song we haven't tried yet," Lyra said, "Come here,"
Lyra pointed at the next song on the list and Stan saw it, nodding quick.
"Yeah, Lyra, yeah!" Stan said excitedly, "That song is perfect!"
"Alright, we have our song," Lyra said with a confident nod before picking up a phone, "Now to call Mrs. McCormick and see if her orchestra buddies can assist us."
"Do you really think we'll need a big orchestra for this, sweetie?" Stan asked.
"Of course, dad," Lyra said, "If we want to show Mrs. Broflovski how much you love her, we're going to have to do it right. Besides, I'm sure Lola will give us a discount.
"Alright, Ly, I'm trusting you," Stan said.
"Trust me dad, this Fourth of July Mrs. Broflovski is going to be swept off of her feet like never before," Lyra said, "Nothing is going to stand in our way on this road to romance."
Or so she thought, because right outside the open window, hiding within the bushes was a well dressed man. With a tape recorder in hand, the man ran out of the bushes and down a couple of blocks to where a limousine was parked. The man tapped on the limousine window before the door opened and he went inside. Upon entering the limousine, the man was greeted by the dastardly mug of Jacques Brodeur.
"So, tell me Raphael, what did you find?" Jacques asked as he sipped some fine champagne.
"Take a listen yourself, boss." Raphael handed Jacques the tape recorder and he listened to Stan and Lyra's conversation. He learned that the two of them wish to use the sing-off as a way to romance Bebe. In the time it took for Jacques to listen to the recording, he had come up with a plan.
"So, that little poodle and her father thinks they can enter a sing-off and win the heart of ma belle, Bebe, eh?" Jacques said, "If that's how they want it, I shall enter that contest tout de suite, and sing a much bigger and better song than they could ever dream. By the end of the night, I'll not only win that contest, but also Bebe's beautiful heart…among other, more fun, body parts."
Jacques chuckled wickedly to himself as the limousine drove off back to his home.
(6/27/20: The McCormick Family Preparations)
At the McCormick Residence, Lola is finishing up a phone call with Lyra to confirm her's and Stan's usage of her orchestra buddies.
"Yes Lyra, they're all yours…You and your father don't have to worry about paying me, I've got this…In the name of love, of course I wouldn't mind…okay, sweetie, talk to you later." Lola hung up the phone and rejoined her husband and two sons in the dining room, where they were about to eat some chicken, green beans, and mac and cheese.
"Who'd you call, mom?" Larry asked with his mouth full.
"Please don't talk with your mouth full, son." Kenny told him.
"That was just Lyra, Larry," Lola answered, "She just needed to know if she and Stan can use my co-workers for this year's sing-off. Apparently Stan wants to use the sing-off as a way to confess his love for Bebe."
"So Stan finally decided to give love a second chance," Kenny said.
"And with Mrs. Broflovski too." Barry chimed in.
"Good choice of a woman to fall in love with," Larry added, "Mrs. Broflovski is super hot."
Larry's parents and brother just looked at him in surprise to that statement.
"Hey, I'm just saying, Felix's mom has got it going on." Larry said shrugging his shoulders.
"I'm just going to pretend I didn't hear that," Lola said before looking at her husband, "Anyway, honey, I was thinking that maybe we should enter the sing-off. I think we'd do pretty well."
"That's a swell idea, sweetie." Kenny said with a smile, "Who knows, we might even bring home first prize," Larry and Barry thought otherwise and started to silently chuckle and snicker to themselves. "Did we say something funny?" Kenny raised an eyebrow.
"Nothing dad," Barry said, "It's just that…it's just that…"
"You and mom are old news, and are crazy if you two think you have a shot at winning," Larry said bluntly.
Kenny and Lola felt a mixture of shock, confusion, and anger when they heard their sons' disrespectful words of them believing to be too old to compete.
"Excuse me?" Lola said reasonably irritated.
"Kids, your mother and I are not old," Kenny scolded, "At what point did you two forget we had you when we were 19 going on 20? That's not old. Your mother and I still have plenty of fuel left in our respective tanks."
"We don't deny that, father," Barry said, "It's just that everyone is looking at this generation for the next big thing, not generations past."
"Did it ever occur to you that generations past have seen more and know more than current ones?" Lola asked.
"Nothing a little web surfing won't fix." Barry said.
"Do you two really think you'll do a better job at the sing-off than us?" Kenny asked.
"Mmm, Maybe," Larry said trying to sound innocent.
"Is that right?" Lola said, "Care to place a wager on that?"
"What wager?" Barry asked.
"You know, son, a bet," Kenny said, "You and Larry vs. your mother and I. We'll see which one of us wins first prize, and the loser suffers the consequences."
Larry and Barry thought about this for a minute before nodding their heads.
"Okay," Larry said, "So if this is a bet, what are the stakes?"
"Well, if your father and I win, you two have to do extra chores for the rest of the year and your bedtimes will be moved from 9:00 to 8:00." Lola said.
"Fair enough," Barry said, "And if we win, we'd like seconds on desert for the rest of our childhoods, our allowance to be boosted from $10.00 a week to $20.00 a week, and our bedtimes being moved from 9:00 to 10:00 for the rest of the summer."
Lola and Kenny thought about this wager before nodding their heads.
"Deal," Kenny said.
"Hope you two are ready," Lola said, "You might as well get ready for bed right now, because your father and I have this in the bag."
"Bring it on, mama!" Larry said, "I can feel the $20.00 in my wallet already."
"Brace yourselves, kids," Kenny threatened, "Because in this sing-off, your mother and I are going to whoop you harder than any spanking."
"Looking forward to it," Barry said.
The McCormicks had a bet going, and neither were willing to go down without a fight. At the end of the night, the family knew that this year's sing-off was going to be one of the more interesting ones.
(6/28/20: Shelly, Junior, and Tweak Family Preparations and Oppenheimer Preparations)
The day after Shelly, Junior, and the Tweak family returned from their day of fun with the Oppenheimer, Powers, and Smith Families was when they all started packing. As the sun started to set, they already made great progress.
"Wow, honey, at the rate we're going we might be out of here in two days instead of four like we were predicting," Sally said to her husband.
"It looks that way," Tweek concurred, "I might have to call the moving company on the phone to ask if we can get the trailer earlier."
Speaking of phone, the house phone began to ring and Sally went to go get it.
"Hello?" Sally answered.
"Hello," Came Cody's voice, "Is Shelly there?"
"One second, Cody, we're just packing up for the move later this week. She'll be right there," Sally said as she called for Shelly, "Shelly, Cody's on the phone!"
Shelly came in from living room to take the phone from Sally, who went back to packing up with Tweek and the kids.
"Hi, Cody!" Shelly said with a cheery tone.
"Hey, Shelly, I hope I didn't call at a bad time. Sally told me you guys are getting ready to move." Cody said.
"Oh don't worry," Shelly said, "I always have time to talk to you. What's up?"
"I just want to know if you're going to be in South Park for the big Sing-Off this Fourth of July." Cody said.
"Are you kidding," Shelly said, "I wouldn't miss it for the world. Especially since I plan on performing."
Hearing about Shelly's participation in the sing-off practically made Cody's heart sing.
"That's wonderful news, Shelly," Cody said, "I just want to let you know that I'll be performing too."
"Oh really," Shelly said with a hint of intrigue in her voice, "You're not trying to start some kind of rivalry are you?"
"Now, now, Shelly, I would never do anything to jeopardize the beautiful relationship we have going on," Cody said.
"Well then, would you like to tell me what song you'll be performing?" Shelly asked.
"Like all great things, it's best if I keep this a surprise." Cody answered.
"Alright, I get it," Shelly said, "So I guess I'll see you at the sing-off?"
"You got it," Cody said with a smile, "So, in the words of Edward R. Murrow: 'Good night and good luck'."
"Right back at ya, Cody." Shelly said as she hung up.
Back on Cody's end of the line, he put his phone back on the receiver before making his way to the basement where Edgar, Tori, Justin, Bridgette, Sid, Kurt, Ursula, and Odette were waiting with musical instruments in hand.
"Alright gang, listen up," Cody said, "We've got less than a week to practice. Our mission is to sweep Shelly off her feet, and maybe, just maybe, bring home the grand prize. Are you all ready to rock?!"
"Let's lock and load with some rock and roll, pop!" Edgar said.
"I was born ready, Cod-man!" Justin said.
"Let's go, Mr. O!" Odette said.
"Alright then," Cody said happily, "A one, a two, a one, two, three…!
(6/29/20: The Donovan Family Preparations)
This day blessed the town of South Park and surrounding areas with beautiful weather. Naturally, the Donovan kids, Chelsea and Tommy, were two of many kids that decided to take advantage of such a perfect day. They left after breakfast, which was usually around 8:00 AM for them, and didn't return until 4:00 P.M.
After a long day of play the Donovan kids wanted nothing more than to just relax at home, watch some brain rotting cartoons, and have their parents serve them some teeth rotting snacks. But to the Donovan kids' surprise when they entered the family room, they found their parents Clyde and Red kneeling in front of a first prize trophy, chanting and praying quietly. On the trophy read, "Fourth of July Sing-Off 2016: First Prize." The sight was so bizarre, Chelsea and Tommy weren't sure what to make of it. Their parents were so into their chanting they didn't even realize they had come home.
"Chelsea, what did we walk into?" Tommy asked befuddled.
"I don't know, Tom," Chelsea said trying to listen in on what her parents are chanting, "Are they even speaking English?"
"I don't know, but I think we should ask them what's up because praying over a statue is not normal," Tommy said.
The two kids walked over to their parents and tapped them on their shoulders, causing them to draw their attention on their kids.
"Oh, you kids are home," Red said happily, as if nothing ever happened.
"How was your day, kids." Clyde said equally happy.
"Dad, mom, what's the deal with the statue?" Chelsea asked.
"Oh, you caught that," Red said embarrassed.
"We're sorry if we scared you kids," Clyde said, "It's just that ever since we won in 2016, your mother and I have a ritual every time the big Fourth of July Sing-Off rolls around."
"In hopes of making lightning strike twice, your father and I bring the trophy out of storage and pray to it in hopes that one of us comes up with another great idea that'll bring us home another trophy." Red explained.
"Okay, and how's that going?" Tommy asked.
"Not well," Clyde answered, "We've lost the last three sing-offs. We tried Country in 2017, we lost. We tried Heavy Metal in 2018, we lost. We tried Disco in 2019 and…well, let's just say there's a reason why disco should always stay dead and leave it at that."
Chelsea and Tommy listened to what their father had to say and came up with an idea of their own.
"I think we get it," Chelsea said, "But if we may give you our 25 cents real quick."
"Fire away, Chel." Red said.
"The problem I think you two are having is that you're targeting the wrong demographic." Chelsea began, "These young people today don't want to hear country music, or heavy metal, or especially disco. We need a song that the young people of this generation can get down to. And I think I figured out the perfect song that caters to the youths."
"What's the song?" Clyde asked.
"I'll tell you, but first I should warn you it has some bad words and suggestive themes," Chelsea said.
"And we want to perform it with you two," Tommy chimed in.
Hearing that the song they want to perform involves bad words and suggestive themes made Clyde and Red skeptical. But they were so desperate to win again that they were willing to try just about anything. Still though, if they let their children curse and swear with them on stage in front of people, how would that reflect on the two of them as parents?
"I don't know kids," Clyde said, "In this PC world where you can offend someone just by looking at them funny, I don't know if folks will take kindly to a nine year old and an eight year old singing bad words and talking about whatever themes are in the song you want to perform."
Chelsea and Tommy thought about what to do next and immediately came up with an idea.
"Okay, how about this," Tommy began, "Our allowance for this week goes straight into the swear jar."
"Your allowances for the next month goes into the swear jar," Red said.
"Our allowance for the next two weeks goes in the swear jar and that's the most we'll give," Chelsea said.
"Deal," Red said as she and Clyde shook their children's hands.
"So, what's the song you want to perform?" Clyde asked.
Chelsea smiled and began to answer, "Alright, guys, the song we want to perform is…"
(7/1/20: Felix, Ike, Bobby Melman, Penny, Firkle, Paul, and Lindsay Preparations)
Upon hearing about the Sing-Off, Felix felt the need to join in on the festivities. But he told himself that if he was going to do it, he was going to do it right and form a band. He heard stories from his mother about how when Kyle was younger he, Stan, Kenny, and Cartman formed a band titled 'Moop'. From that moment onward, Felix knew what he had to do.
Felix started by rounding up a rag-tag bunch of misfits that included himself, his friend Bobby Melman, his Uncle Ike, Penny McCormick, Firkle, and surprisingly Paul Stotch and Lindsay Tucker. The Stotch and Tucker Families moved back to South Park on the same day, 6/30/20. When Felix heard that Paul and Lindsay were back in town he didn't waste any time on asking if they want to be a part of his band. The two children accepted the offer and the following day had the seven of them meet up at Felix's Grandma Sheila and Grandpa Gerald's house for rehearsals.
On this fine Wednesday morning, Bobby Melman, dressed in blue jeans, a white jacket, and wearing a black afro wig with a red bandana. He was whistling a tune as he walked up to the house. He saw the garage door open with Ike setting everything up. He was dressed up like one of the Beatles from Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band.
"Yo, what's up, dude!" Bobby said, greeting Ike as he entered the garage, "I'm digging the Beatles look you've got going on."
"Thanks, Bobby," Ike said, "Who are you dressed as, man?"
"The one and only Jimi Hendrix, man," Bobby said proudly, "I'm ready to get up on stage and blast some tunes, dude."
Bobby then proceeded to pick up a guitar and pretend to play Hendrix's legendary performance of the National Anthem at Woodstock. "So, where's Felix, at?" Bobby asked Ike?
"He's in his room getting his costume put together," Ike said.
"Okay, I just hope it's not as awesome as my Hendrix." Bobby said.
"Hi, everybody!" Came Penny's voice. She entered the garage with Firkle. Penny entered with her hair dyed black and neon green like Billie Eilish, and Firkle was dressed up like Gene Simmons from K.I.S.S..
"'Sup, guys," Firkle said with a nod.
Ike went up and shook Firkle by the hand. "Glad to see you two made it."
"Thanks for having us," Penny said, "When my cousins Larry and Barry refused to let me help with their performance, I decided to join up with you guys so we can crush them, even getting the musical genius that is Mr. Firkle here to join us. Thanks again for helping me, by the way."
"Anytime, Pen," Firkle said giving her a hug, "You're my girlfriend's daughter. The way I see it, you're my daughter too."
"Yeah!" Came the voice of Paul Stotch, "Dale!"
Paul and Lindsay entered the garage with Paul dressed up like Pitbull and Lindsay dressed up like Cyndi Lauper from the cover of her She's So Unusual Album.
"Hey, you guys made it!" Penny said.
"Sorry I'm late," Lindsay said, "Mom made chicken nuggets for lunch, and I can't say no to that."
"That's fine, we understand," Bobby said.
"Nice Cyndi Lauper and Pitbull costume, guys," Ike said turning his attention to Paul's costume specifically, "Uh, Paul, did you really shave your head?"
"Oh no, man, I got myself a bald cap," Paul said as he pulled it off and ran his fingers through his hair, "These strawberry blonde locks aren't going anywhere anytime soon."
Paul slipped his bald cap back on when Felix finally arrived carrying music sheets, and dressed like Gene Wilder's Willy Wonka.
"Good morning, my beautiful people," Felix said.
"Felix, why are you dressed like Willy Wonka?" Penny asked.
"Is that important right now?" Felix retorted.
"It's just that we're all dressed up like musicians, you're dressed like a children's movie/book character, dude," Bobby said.
"Well I figured I haven't worn this bad boy since the Spring Play a few months ago and it was collecting dust." Felix said
"Uh, actually, looking around and thinking it over, maybe we all should've agreed on matching costumes." Paul said, "No offense but this is a fuster cluck of amateurs."
"It doesn't matter what we look like so long as we play some fresh beats, gang," Felix said with a reassuring tone as he handed out the sheet music, "So let's get to work! We've got less than three days to memorize this music. I'm confident that Moop II will give the best performance out of everyone."
"Digging the enthusiasm, Felix," Ike said.
"Thanks, Uncle Ike," Felix said, "Okay, places everyone!"
Everyone picked up their instruments and got ready to play.
"Ready?" Felix asked, "It's showtime!"
(7/4/20: The Big Day!)
At long last, the Fourth of July. Everyone has spend days preparing their performance, and when the time came to perform, they knew they were ready.
The air was electric at South Park Town Square where crowds of people were gathered in front of the stage. At the front of the crowd were the judges for the sing-off, Robert Downey Jr., Chris Hemsworth, and Chris Evans. The three of them got up on stage, ready to kick-off the competition.
"Good afternoon and Happy Fourth of July," Evans said, "Welcome to the 37th Annual South Park Sing-Off!"
The crowd cheered with anticipation and excitement!
"We are your judges for today's competition, Chris Evans, Robert Downey Jr., and myself, Chris Hemsworth," Hemsworth said, "You may know us from the acclaimed MCU, but for today that's neither here nor there."
"Indeed," Downey said, "Today is all about the plethora of contestants we have who are ready to sing their hearts out. I would've liked to take part in this competition personally, but I guess being a judge is just a nice."
"What's going to happen is this," Evans explained, "The three of us are going to judge each participant based on their musical skills and overall performance. In the end, only one will be crowned the ultimate winner and walk away with $1,000 and this solid gold trophy!"
"Each performance will be scored on a scale of 0-30," Hemsworth continued, "The performer(s) with the highest score at the end of the competition wins."
"And with all of that out of the way, let the show begin!" Downey said as the crowd cheered again and the three of them got off stage and into their seats at the front row.
We take a quick peek at some of the other contestants to see how they fare.
(Contestant #1: Some old hippies singing 'House of the Rising Sun' by The Animals)
Lead Hippie: My mother was a tailor. She sewed my new blue jeans. My father was a gamblin' man down in New Orleans.
(Contestant #2: Big Gay Al singing 'I Can't Get You Out of My Head' by Kylie Minogue to Mr. Slave)
Al: I just can't get you out of my head. Boy, your loving is all I think about. I just can't get you out of my head. Boy, it's more than I dare to think about. La, la, la…
Mr. Slave: (Blushing and smiling) (Spoken) Oh, ho, Jesus.
(Contestant #3: Kelly Pinkerton-Tinfurter and Kelly-Rutherford MEnskin singing 'Real Slim Shady' by Eminem)
Kelly PT: I am Kelly, yes the real damn Kelly. All you other damn Kellies are just imitating. So won't the real Kelly please stand up, please stand up, please stand up?
Kelly RM: No I am Kelly, yes the real damn Kelly. All you other damn Kellies are just imitating. So won't the real Kelly please stand up, please stand up, please stand up?
(Contestant #4: Bridon Gueermo and Annie Gueermo-Faulk singing 'Like I'm Gonna Lose You' by Meghan Trainor and John Legend)
Annie: So I'm gonna love you like I'm gonna lose you. And I'm gonna hold you like I'm saying goodbye.
Bridon: Wherever we're standing, I won't take you for granted. 'Cause we'll never know when we'll run out of time.
(Contestant #5: Todd Howard of Bethesda singing 'It Just Works' by The Chalkeaters)
Todd: It just works, it just works! Little lies, stunning shows, people buy, money flows it just works! It just works, it just works! Overpriced open worlds, earning rise, take my word! It just works! It just works! It just works! It just works!
After these five and many others sang their songs, the three judges decided to call for a break.
"Well this show is going pretty good so far," Hemsworth said, "But I think now would be a good time to take a break."
"Couldn't agree more," Downey concurred, "Because to be frank, I have to piss like a race horse."
"And I could go for a vanilla shake," Evans said, "The sing-off will resume in 15 minutes when a Stan and Lyra Marsh will perform their song next."
Backstage, Lyra was backstage with Kenny and Lola. Stan had to work at the precinct a little bit before he could go to the sing-off, but he promised Lyra that he'd be there in time to perform. Lyra was getting a little nervous as she hasn't heard from her father since this morning before he left for work. She looked out into the audience to find Bebe taking care of Matthew while Isabella sat next to her playing on her 3DS. Lyra turned her attention back to the McCormicks to talk to them.
"Mrs. McCormick," Lyra began.
"Don't worry, Lyra, the orchestra is ready and raring to go," Lola said, misunderstanding what the girl wanted.
"No, not that, I just wanted to know if you heard from my father at all." Lyra said.
"Don't worry, sweetie, I'm sure he's on his way as we speak." Lola said with a reassuring tone.
"I hope you're right," Lyra said looking at her watch.
Stan was in fact on his way to the sing-off right then. He hopped into his car and drove off to the town square. He was so excited to perform and finally let out his feelings for Bebe that he almost sped a couple of times. Along the way, Stan tried warming up his vocals, but his throat felt a little dry so he decided to stop at the mini-mart to get a bottle of water.
Stan parked his car in the mini-mart parking lot and entered the store. But little did he know he was being watched by Raphael, one of Jacques' workers. Raphael grabbed a phone out of his pocket and called his boss.
"Hey, boss," Raphael said, "That Stan Marsh guy just went into the mini-mart."
"Alright," Jacques said on the other line, "Do whatever you can to make sure he doesn't make it to the Sing-Off."
"Gotcha," Raphael said as he took Jacques off the line and went into the mini-mart.
When Raphael entered the store, Stan had just finished paying the clerk for a bottle of water. Raphael bumped into Stan just as he was making for the exit.
"Hey, watch it!" Stan said.
"Terribly sorry sir," Raphael said as he watched Stan leave the store. As soon as he was out of his line of vision, Raphael ran into the bathroom and from his pocket took out Stan's car keys! Raphael took the keys and flushed them down the toilet.
"Let's see you get to that sing-off now, Stanley!" Raphael cackled.
Back in the parking lot, Stan was searching his pockets for his keys. It was at this moment when Stan realized he has been pick pocketed by the man he bumped into. Stan ran back into the store and talked with the guy in the counter.
"Did you see that man anywhere?" Stan asked.
"I think he went into the bathroom." The clerk replied.
Stan ran into the bathroom to find the window open. He looked out of it and found no one. Raphael had gotten away, and now Stan was without a car.
Stan walked out of the mini-mart feeling defeated. He sat on a bench with his head hanging low, ready to give up on the whole thing. But then he thought about what Wendy and Kyle would want for him and Bebe. They would want their respective families to unify and give them a chance to total happiness. Stan stood up and looked up at the sky, "Time to hoof it!"
And with that, Stan ran at top speeds to the Town Square.
Back at the Sing-Off, break time is over as the judges got back into their seats, ready to commence with the competition.
"Okay, back to the musical grind, folks," Evans said, "Please welcome our next contestants: Stan and Lyra Marsh."
The audience clapped, but backstage Lyra was nervous. Her father was nowhere to be found, and she was completely unaware he was on his way by foot.
"Oh man, what now?!" Lyra cried.
"Try going out there and asking if they can wait for him," Kenny suggests.
Lyra gulped as she walked out on stage to face the judges. Upon seeing just Lyra enter the stage, the judges became confused.
"Okay that's one half of this team here now where's the other?" Downey asked.
"Please forgive me," Lyra apologized, "But my father is running a little late. Is it possible to wait for him?"
"Kid, life doesn't work that way," Downey said, "We all have lives and places we need to be. We can't just put this contest on hold. Sorry, kid, but I'm afraid if your father isn't here then we're going to have to mark you both as disqualified."
"No!" Lyra cried.
"Hold on one second, Robert," Evans said, "I mean, maybe he is running late, we still have a good amount of contestants left. What if we let them perform and maybe by then this girl's father will be here."
Downey thought about it before saying, "Alright, kid, listen up. We'll let the other contestants perform, and maybe your father will be here by then. But if he's not, then you're disqualified."
"Thank you, sir, I really appreciate it!" Lyra said as she ran backstage. Meanwhile in the audience, Bebe was looking concerned, wondering where Stan is. He told her that he had a big surprise planned for her when they last talked. She hoped everything was alright.
"There's been a change in plans, everyone," Hemsworth said, "So instead, our next contestant will be a Kenny and Lola McCormick."
The audience clapped as Kenny and Lola prepared to enter the stage. They were dressed up like Ashford & Simpson in the 'Solid' Cover.
"Break a leg you two," Lyra said to the McCormicks.
"Thanks, Ly." Lola said as their sons, Barry and Larry appeared behind them dressed up in 90s clothes.
"Good luck, mom and dad," Barry said.
"Yeah, you're gonna need it!" Larry laughed.
"We'll see who's laughing when you two are tucked in bed before the sun goes down," Lola scolded.
Kenny and Lola entered the main stage and greeted the judges.
"Hello, gentlemen," Kenny greeted, "Huge fan the MCU, very huge fan."
"Thank you, that means a lot," Hemsworth said, "So, what will you two be performing?"
"If you couldn't tell by our costumes, we'll be singing 'Solid' by Ashford & Simpson," Lola answered.
"Cool song," Evans said, "Proceed."
"Gladly," Lola said as the lights came on the music started to play.
(Singers: Lola and Kenny McCormick performing 'Solid' by Ashford & Simpson)
Lola: And for love's sake, each mistake. Oh, you forgave. And soon both of us learned to trust. Not run away!
Kenny: It was no time to play!
Lola: We build it up…
Kenny: And build it up…
Lola: And build it up…
Kenny & Lola: And now it's solid! Solid as a rock! That's what this love is!
Lola: That's what we've got, oh!
Kenny & Lola: Solid, solid as a rock! And nothing's changed it!
Kenny: The thrill is still hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot!
(Brief instrumental)
Kenny: Oh, you didn't turn away when the sky went gray. Somewhow we managed we had to stick together! You didn't bat an eye when I made you cry. We knew down the line we would make it better!
Lola: And for love's sake, each mistake. Oh, you forgave. And soon both of us learned to trust. Not run away!
Kenny: It was no time to play!
Lola: We build it up…
Kenny: And build it up…
Lola: And build it up…
Kenny & Lola: And now it's solid! Solid as a rock! That's what this love is!
Kenny:Oh! That's what we've got! Yes it is!
Kenny & Lola: Solid! Solid as a rock! And nothing's changed it!
Lola: The thrill is still hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot!
Kenny: Oh,gone with the wind. Another friend got in between. Tried to separate us. Oh, knock-knock on wood. You understood. Love was so new. We did what we had to.
Lola: And with that feeling, we were willing to take a chance. So against all odds, we made a start. We got serious!
Kenny: This wouldn't turn to dust.
Lola: We build it up…
Kenny: And build it up…
Lola: And build it up…
Kenny & Lola: And now it's solid! Solid as a rock! That's what this love is!
Lola: Oh, that's what we've got!
Kenny & Lola: Solid!
Kenny: Yes it is!
Kenny & Lola: Solid as a rock! And nothing's changed it!
Kenny: The thrill is still hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot!
Kenny & Lola: Solid! Solid as a rock!
Kenny: You know it!
Lola: Well…
Kenny: You know it, baby!
Kenny & Lola: Solid! Solid as a rock!
Kenny: Lovin' me! Lovin' me! Oh!
Kenny & Lola: Solid!
Kenny: Don't leave me baby!
Kenny & Lola: Solid as a rock!
Lola: Well, well, well, well.
Kenny: Oh!
Kenny & Lola: Solid! Solid as a rock!
Kenny: Everyday it gets sweeter now!
Lola: Oh!
Kenny & Lola: Solid! Solid as a rock!
Kenny: Good, good, well!
Kenny & Lola: It's good, good, good, solid!
When the song was over everyone applauded. Kenny and Lola gave off a wonderful performance and they hugged and gave each other a quick peck on the lips before turning to the judges.
"Nice performance, you two," Evans said, "Very well done. What do you guys think?"
Hemsworth put up an 8, Downey put up a 7.5, and Evans up an 8.5.
"And with that you two have a score of 24." Evans said.
"Alright!" Kenny said as he and Lola went backstage.
"So who's next?" Hemsworth asked as he looked at a sheet of paper, "Oh it looks like a generational battle here, because coming up next are Kenny and Lola's sons. Everyone give a warm welcome to Lawrence and Bartholomew McCormick!"
The audience cheered as Larry and Barry heard their names called from backstage. Larry was clearly annoyed at Hemsworth using the long version of their names and glared at his brother.
"You gave them our full name?!" Larry growled.
"Yes, because it doesn't bother me as much as it does to you," Barry replied, "Besides, I like seeing you squirm."
"You're lucky we're working together on this, pal!" Larry said as he and Barry made their way to the main stage. The three judges looked at the 90s clothes that the twins boys were wearing.
"I'm digging the 90s duds boys." Downey said.
"Yeah, not everyday we see boys your age dressed up like they're ready to binge watch MTV and eat Dunk-a-roos," Hemsworth said.
"All in the name of our song, kind sir," Barry said, "One of the greatest contemporary R & B songs of that decade."
"What's the song?" Evans asked.
"I think it's sung by someone named Montell Jordan," Larry answered.
"Intersting," Downey said, "Proceed."
The twin boys got in position and cleared their throats.
(Singers: Larry and Barry McCormick performing 'This is How We Do It' by Montell Jordan)
Larry & Barry: This is how we do it!
(Insrumental as the boys start their synchronized dancing)
Larry & Barry: This is how we do it! La, la, la, la, la, lo, lo! La, la, la, lo, lo, oh! This is how we do it! La, la, la, la, oh!
Larry: This is how we do it! It's Friday night and I feel alright! The party's here on the west side! So I reach for my soda and I get turnt up! Designated driver grab the handles of my bike! Hit the shore 'cause I'm faded! Honeys in the street say, 'Larry, yo, we made it!'
Barry: It feels so good in my hood tonight. The summertime skirts and the guys in Kani, all the gang bangers forgot about the drive-by. You gotta get your groove on before you go get paid. So tip up your cup and throw your hands up and let me hear the party say.
Larry:(Spoken to the audience) Sing with us!
Barry & Larry: I'm kind of buzzed and it's all because…
Audience: This is how we do it!
Barry & Larry: South Park does it like nobody does!
Audience: This is how we do it!
Barry & Larry: To all my neighbors you got much flavor!
Audience: This is how we do it!
Barry & Larry: Let's flip the track, bring the old school back.
Audience: This is how we do it!
Barry: This is how we do it, all hands are in the air, and waving from here to there. If you're an O.G. Mack or a wanna-be player. You see the hood's been good to me ever since I was a lower case G. But now I'm a mid-G, the girls see I got the money. Hundred dollar bills y'all.
Larry: If you were from where I'm from then you would know that I gotta get mine in a big black truck. You can get yours in a '64. Whatever it is the party's underway. So tip up your cup and throw you hands up, and let me hear the party say.
Barry: (Spoken to the audience) Don't be shy now!
Barry & Larry: I'm kind of buzzed and it's all because…
Audience: This is how we do it!
Barry & Larry: South Park does it like nobody does!
Audience: This is how we do it!
Barry & Larry: To all my neighbors you got much flavor!
Audience: This is how we do it!
Barry & Larry: Let's flip the track, bring the old school back.
Audience: This is how we do it!
Barry & Larry: I'm kind of buzzed and it's all because…
Audience: This is how we do it!
Barry & Larry: South Park does it like nobody does, nobody does!
Audience: This is how we do it!
Barry & Larry: YNV, SCC, all my homies!
Audience: This is how we do it!
Barry & Larry: I'll never come wack on an old school track!
Audience: This is how we do it!
Larry: Check it out! Once upon a time when I was 4. I made no money and life sure was slow.
Barry: All they said was 3'2'' he stood, and people thought the music he made was good.
Larry: There live my twin bro, and Barry was his name.
Barry: He came up to Larry, this is what he said:
Larry: You and OG are gonna make some cash!
Barry: Sell a million records and we'll make in a dash!
Larry: (Spoken to audience) Loud as you can!
Barry & Larry: Oh, I'm buzzing because…
Audience: This is how we do it!
Barry & Larry: South Park does it like nobody does!
Audience: This is how we do it!
Barry & Larry: To all my neighbors you got much flavor!
Audience: This is how we do it!
Barry & Larry: I'll never come wack on an old school track.
Audience: This is how we do it!
Barry & Larry: I'm kind of buzzed and it's all because…
Audience: This is how we do it!
Barry & Larry: South Park does it like nobody does!
Audience: This is how we do it!
Barry & Larry: Oh it's party time!
Audience: This is how we do it!
Barry & Larry: Straight up comin' from the west side!
Audience: This is how we do it!
Barry & Larry: OG's got the flavor yeah!
Audience: This is how we do it!
Barry & Larry: And money does it like nobody does!
Audience: This is how we do it!
Barry & Larry: (Spoken) And that's how we do it! Thank you, South Park!
The audience applauded even louder than when Kenny and Lola performed. The judges definitely seemed to enjoy it.
"Gotta say, you boys know how to pump up an audience," Downey said, "What do you guys think?"
Evans gave the performance a 9, Downey gave it an 8.5, and Hemsworth gave it a 9.
"And with that you boys score a solid 26.5," Downey said, "Congrautlations."
"Boo-yah!" Larry said as he and Barry ran back stage to find their parents.
"Well, mom and dad, it sounds like we got the highest score," Larry said with much pride, "I'd like my allowance now and in cash please."
"Not so fast, kidd-o," Kenny said, "I said that whichever one of us came in first will decide who won the bet. So until everyone else performs, nothing is final."
"Aww, nuts!" Barry whined.
The judges meanwhile, prepared to introduce the next performer.
"Our next performer is…oh, a band!" Downey said interested, "So please welcome to the stage Moop II!"
The audience applauded as Felix and his band prepared to enter the main stage. On the way they passed Lyra who stopped Felix.
"Hey, Wonka!" Lyra said, "Did you hear from my dad at all? He's running late."
"Haven't heard from him, Ly, sorry." Felix said as he hurried on stage with the rest of the band, "Hello everyone, we are Moop II!"
"Hi, sweetie!" Bebe said from the audience.
"Hi, mom!" Felix waved.
"Knock 'em dead, honey!" Millie said seeing Paul on stage.
"You look great, Lindsay!" Heidi said.
Lindsay waved to her mother and father in the audience as did Paul, albeit a little more embarrassed. The judges looked at the band and immediately noticed the costumes.
"So what we have here is a band composed of Jimi Hendrix, Gene Simmons, Billie Eilish, Cyndi Lauper, Pitbull, a member from the Lonely Hearts Club Band, and Willy Wonka," Downey said.
"That's right," Felix said tipping his Wonka hat, "And we're here to play a lovely little song."
"Alright, let's hear it," Hemsworth said.
"Okay, let's rock!" Felix said confidently, "1, 2, 3!"
(Singer: Felix Broflovski; Instrumentals: Bobby Melman, Ike Broflovski, Penny McCormick, Georgie "Firkle" Smith, Paul Stotch, and Lindsay Tucker performing 'Magic' by Pilot)
(The instrumentals kick in with Bobby on Electric Guitar, Lindsay Electric Bass, Paul on piano/synthesizer, Firkle on the drums, Penny on saxophone/violin. And then Felix starts singing)
Felix: Oh, ho, ho, it's magic! You know! Never believe it's not so!
(Felix takes off his Wonka had and reaches into it)
Felix: It's magic, you know! Never believe it's not so!
(He pulls a rabbit out of the hat and it bounces away before Felix starts to prance and dance on stage)
Felix: Never been awake! Never seen a daybreak! Leaning on my pillow on the morning! Lazy day in bed! Music in my head! Crazy music playing in the morning light!
(Felix takes a quarter out of his pocket and makes it disappear with a move of his hand)
Felix: Oh, ho, ho, it's magic! You know! Never believe it's not so!
(Felix walks up to Lindsay and pulls the quarter out from behind her ear)
Felix: It's magic, you know! Never believe it's not so!
(Felix dancing and prancing continues, this time with some cane twirls)
Felix: I love a sunny day! Dreaming far away! Dreaming on my pillow in the morning! Never been awake! Never seen a daybreak! Leaning on my pillow in the morning light!
(Felix then juggles a small red ball in his hand)
Felix: Oh, ho, ho, it's magic! You know! Never believe it's not so!
(He throws the ball down on the stage creating a wall of smoke. When it disperses, he disappears, only to reappear in the audience. He pulls a rose from his sleeve and gives it to his mother, Bebe)
Felix: It's magic, you know! Never believe it's not so!
(Felix rejoins the group on stage)
Felix:(Spoken) Take it away Bobby!
(Bobby Melman kills it with the guitar solo and everyone cheers for him when he's done. Felix takes center stage to finish the song with some nice dance moves and tricks with his cane)
Felix: Oh, ho, ho, it's magic! You know! Never believe it's not so! It's magic, you know! Never believe it's not so!
(The final instrumentals play as a flock of white doves fly out from behind them and into the sky)
When the doves were out of sight and the song is done, the audience applauded with great enthusiasm. Felix and the rest of Moop II took center stage and took a bow.
"Thank you, you're all too kind!" Felix said.
"Okay, costumes suck, but that was one magnificent performance," Downey said as the judges pulled up their scores.
Downey gave it an 8, Evans gave it an 9, and Hemsworth gave it a 9.
"Moop II's final score is a 26!" Evans announced, "Just barely missing scoring higher than the Lawrence and Bartholomew."
"IT'S LARRY!" Larry shouted from backstage.
Speaking of backstage, we cut to what's going on back there as Shelly, Junior, and the Tweak Family are preparing for their turn.
"I'm not going to lie, gang, I'm getting kind of nervous," Cici said.
"Just imagine the audience in their underwear," Mimi said.
All Cici could say to that was, "Hmm, kinky."
Junior on the other hand was very excited.
"I can't wait much longer mom," Junior said, "You think they'll call us next?"
Shelly wasn't listening as also backstage was Cody and his family and friends. The two of them were shooting loving glances at each other.
"Hey mom," Junior said snapping his mother out of it.
"Huh, what?" Shelly said in a daze.
"You alright?" Junior asked.
"Yeah sweetie," Shelly said, "I'm fine."
Lyra appeared out of nowhere to talk with Shelly.
"Aunt Shelly," Lyra asked worriedly, "Did you hear from dad yet? I thought he'd be here by now."
"Sorry, Lyra, I haven't heard anything," Shelly said, "But I do hope he arrives soon."
"Our next contestant is Shelly and Junior Marsh and the Tweak Family!" Came Hemsworth's voice from outside.
"We're on, gang!" Sally said.
"Yee-haw!" Junior said excitedly.
"Bye, Lyra, wish us luck," Shelly said as she left the girl to worry about her father.
"Come on, dad, where are you?" Lyra said to herself nervously, tapping her foot.
Shelly, Junior, and the Tweaks made it to the mainstage and prepared to perform.
"Hello everyone, how are you doing today?" Evans asked.
"Great!" Everyone said…everyone but Cici. She was blushing and grinning bashfully.
"Is that girl over there alright?" Hemsworth asked.
"Don't mind me," Cici said, "I was told to imagine the audience in their underwear, and by looking at you three…well, let me just say that I really like what I see."
The audience busted out laughing when she said that.
"Okay then," Downey said disturbed, "So, are y'all ready to sing?"
"Of course," Shelly said, "I'd like to dedicate this song to my no good, two-timing, turd of an ex husband, Eric Cartman! No offense if you're in the audience, Ms. Cartman."
"None taken," Liane Cartman said in the audience.
"Oh, ho, ho!" An excited Downey said, "A diss song, eh? Color me intrigued. You may begin whenever you are ready."
"Thank you," Shelly said as she cleared her throat.
(Singer: Shelly Marsh; Instrumentals: Junior Marsh, Tweek Tweak, Sally Tweak, Mimi Tweak, and Cici Tweak performing '50 Ways to Say Goodbye,' by Train)
(Instrumentals start with Junior on the drums, Tweek and Sally on guitars, and Mimi and Cici on horns)
Shelly: My heart is paralyzed, my head was oversized, I'll take the high road like I should. You said it's meant to be, that it's not you it's me, you're leaving now for my own good. That's cool but if my friends where you are I'm gonna say…
(A projector comes down, first showing a dummy of Cartman riding an inflatable airplane toy, getting set on fire, and getting thrown in a cement mixer)
Shelly: He went down in an airplane, fried getting suntanned, fell in a cement mixer full of quicksand! Help me, help me! I'm no good at goodbyes!
(The projector then shows the Cartman dummy surrounded by inflatable shark toys at a pool, getting thrown off a cliff, and Shelly putting a bunch of clothes in a box with a label reading, "Return to Turd")
Shelly: He met a shark underwater, fell and no one caught him, I returned everything he ever bought me. Help me, help me! I'm all out of lies and ways to say you died!
(Instrumentals)
Shelly: My pride still feels the sting. You were my everything. Someday I'll find a love like yours.
Junior and The Tweaks: A love like yours.
Shelly: He'll think I'm a great woman, not super minivan. How could you leave on Yom Kippur? That's cool but if my friends ask where you are I'm gonna say…
(The projector now shows the Cartman dummy floating down a dirty river, being mauled by a lion at the zoo, and hit by a car)
Shelly: He was caught in a mudslide, eaten by a lion, got run over by a crappy purple Scion! Help me, help me, I'm no good at goodbyes!
(The projector now shows the Cartman dummy laying in the middle of a wasteland, floating in a hot tub, and a man wearing a hood stabbing it)
Shelly: He dried up in the desert, drowned in a hot tub, stabbed to death at an East Side nightclub. Help me, help me! I'm all out of lies and ways to say you died!
(Instrumentals)
Shelly: I want to live a thousand lives with you! I want to be the one you're dying to love! But you didn't want to! That's cool but if my friends ask where you are I'm gonna say…
Junior and The Tweaks: That's cool but if her friends ask where he is she's gonna say…
(The imagines show up on the projector again)
Shelly: He went down in an airplane, fried getting suntanned, fell in a cement mixer full of quicksand! Help me, help me! I'm no good at goodbyes! He met a shark underwater, fell and no one caught him, I returned everything he ever bought me. Help me, help me! I'm all out of lies! He was caught in a mudslide, eaten by a lion, got run over by a crappy purple Scion! Help me, help me, I'm no good at goodbyes! He dried up in the desert, drowned in a hot tub, stabbed to death at an East Side nightclub. Help me, help me! I'm all out of lies and ways to say you died!
The song ends, and once again the audience applauds loudly and proudly, and Shelly, Junior and the Tweaks take a bow.
"As a disclaimer, no actual turds were harmed in the making of those clips," Shelly said causing the judges to laugh.
"A bang up job, gang," Evans said turning to his cohorts, "What do you think, guys?"
All three judges gave the performance a 9.
"You all now have a score of 27!" Hemsworth said, "So far you're in first place!"
Shelly, Junior, and the Tweaks cheered and thanked the judges as they went backstage…but not before Cici tossed a piece of paper at them. Evans, Downey, and Hemsworth looked at it to find a phone number. The three of them looked to find Cici smiling at them and doing the phone symbol with her thumb and little finger. It wasn't long before Sally had to come and drag her off stage by her ear.
"Okay then," Evans said disturbed, "Our contestants are the Oppenheimer, Smith, and Powers Families."
"Alright, fam, let's do this thing!" Odette said as Shelly, Junior, and the Tweaks passed by. Shelly gave Cody a hug and a kiss on the cheek for luck.
"Good luck out there, Cody." Shelly smiled
"Thanks," Cody said with a blush as he entered the stage.
"Hey, everyone, thanks for having us!" Cody said.
"Thanks for coming out," Evans said.
"This song I'm going to sing is a something a little special for the new flame in my life: Shelly Marsh." Cody said as he looked over at Shelly who was watching from the side of the stage. The audience let out a cute 'aww,' when Cody said that.
"On our first date we went to a Japanese karaoke bar, and she sang one of their songs there perfectly," Cody explained, "Since then I learned more about the Japanese language so that I can sing a song just for her to show her how much I care."
"Sounds nice," Hemsworth said, "Whenever you're ready."
(Singer: Cody Oppenheimer; Instrumentals: Tori and Edgar Oppenheimer, Justin, Bridgette, and Sid Powers, and Kurt, Ursula, and Odette Smith performing 'Pop Star' by Ken Hirai) (Translation in bold underneath the Japanese lyrics) (Also I'm doing the Ouendan version)
(Cody's friends and children start with the instrumentals and then Cody starts signing)
Cody: Kimi ni deaeta yorokobi to. Kimi ni ae nai sabishi sa no. Ryouhou wo te ni irete. Koi wa hashiri dasu. Sora mo tobe nai boku dakedo. Kodoku wo utau yoru dakedo. Sono hoho ni hohoemi wo ataerareta nara. Hajimete kimi wo dakishimeta shunkan ni. Kami-sama ga boku ni kudashita. Shimei wa kimi dakeno HIIROO!
(When I'm with you I'm so happy, but then I'm so sad when I'm not. Taking each other's hands, we run straight into a love affair. I can't fly to the sky, but I can sing my song of loneliness at night if that would bring a smile to your cheeks. When I held you close for the first time, it was as if God himself came down upon me. Now my destiny is to be a hero just for you!)
Cody: I wanna be your pop star, kimi wo motto. Muchuu ni sasete ageru kara ne. Kirakira no pop star, hane wo hiroge. Mahou wo kakete ageyou. Kimi dake ni!
(I wanna be your pop star and be more to you. I'm lifted from the ground in a daze. A sparkling pop star, I spread my wings and do my magic just for you!)
(Instrumentals)
Cody: Kakushite itai kurayami mo. Kimi wa sotto hiroi agete. Taisetsu na boku nan dato dakishimete kureta. Hikari he to tsuduku michi wo aruite yukou. Kizu kabau kono migite wa. Kimi to te wo tsunagu tame ni!
(I want to hide in darkness and have you pick me up gently. If I'm important to you, then hold me tight. I keep walking this road towards the light. Using my right hadn to protect you from pain so that I can hold you with my other hand)
Cody: You're gonna be my pop star! Boku wo motto. Muchuu ni sasete yo hohoende. Kirakira no pop star, sono hitomi de boku ni mahout wo kakete! Ima sugu ni!
(You're gonna be my pop star and be more to me. You smile in a daze. A sparkling pop star. In your eyes, I do my magic)
Edgar, Tori, Smiths, and Powers: He will be your pop star. Yes your only pop star. Woo, do, do, do, do, do, do!
Cody: I wanna be your pop star, kimi wo motto. Muchuu ni sasete ageru kara ne. Kirakira no pop star, hane wo hiroge. Mahou wo kakete ageyou! I wanna be your pop star, kimi wo gyutto. Dakishimete ageru kara oide! Kirakira no pop star, hane wo hiroge, mahout wo kakete ageyou, kmi dake ni!
(I wanna be your pop star and be more to you. I'm lifted from the ground in a daze. A sparkling pop star, I spread my wings and do my magic! I wanna be your pop star, try harder for you. So come here so I can hold you. A sparkling pop star, I spread my wings and do my magic just for you!)
The song ends and everyone applauds, especially Shelly, who ran out on stage and gave Cody a big hug.
"Oh, Cody, you were so wonderful!" Shelly said, "I loved it!"
"It was all for you, Shell," Cody smiled, "I'm so happy you loved it!"
"Of course I love it!" Shelly said, "But not as much as I love you!"
"I love you too, Shelly!" Cody said as he stared into Shelly's eyes.
"Hey, what about us, dudes?" Sid said, waiting for his compliments.
"Settle down Sidney, this isn't about you right now," Bridgette said.
"Outstanding work, my friend," Evans said. Once again the judges gave all nines. "Looks like you and Shelly are tied. If one of our last contestants don't score higher this may just end in a tiebreaker."
"A pox on your tiebreaker!" Cody said, "I'd be more than glad to share whatever prize I get with Shelly."
"Right back at you, sweetie." Shelly said causing the audience to go, 'aww,' again.
"And love fest is over, music time resumes," Downey said causing everyone to return backstage, "Coming up next is the Donovan family!"
"Well, that's us, guys," Clyde said. He, Red, Chelsea, and Tommy were covered in head to toe in neon face paint, hair dye, glow sticks, and glow in the dark bracelets and necklaces.
"You kids ready?" Red asked.
"We were born ready, mom," Tommy said.
Lyra came up to the Donovans real quick, "Before you guys go out there, have you heard from my dad at all?"
"We didn't hear anything, Lyra," Red said, "But we hope we gets here soon."
The Donovans went out on stage leaving Lyra to chew on her fingernails out of nervousness.
"What's up party people!" Clyde shouted as he and his family came out on stage.
"Judging by your guys' costumes, I'm gonna say your performance is rave themed?" Downey asked.
"Got that right, pal!" Chelsea said.
"This should be good," Hemsworth said.
"Oh trust us, it will be," Red said, "Drop the beat!"
(Singers: The Donovan Family performing 'Drink' by LMFAO ft. Lil Jon)
Clyde: Yeah, hey!
Red: Yeah, hey!
Chelsea: Yeah, hey!
Tommy: Yeah, hey!
All Donovans: Time to have some drinks! Drink, drink, drink!
Clyde: We the Donovans, baby! We came in the club to get real fucked up, and motherfucking…
All Donovans: PAR-TAY!
Clyde: How 'bout you? Let's go! One shot…
Red: Two shots…
Chelsea: Three shots…
Tommy: Four!
Clyde: Take that bottle to the head have one fucking more! One shot…
Red: Two shots…
Chelsea: Three shots…
Tommy: Four!
Clyde: Take that bottle to the head and have…
All Donovans: One fucking more!
Chelsea: Everybody!
All Donovans: Drink, drink, drink, drink, drink, drink, drink!
Chelsea: Hey!
All Donovans: Drink, drink, drink, drink, drink, drink, drink!
Tommy: Everybody!
Red: Pour me another one…
Clyde: Pour me another one…
Chelsea: Pour me another one…
Tommy: Pour me another one…
All Donovans: Pour me another one!
Clyde: Champagne…
Red: Vodka…
Chelsea: Don Julio…
Tommy: Tequila!
Clyde: Let's drink it all and get this party off the meter!
Red: Ain't no saying no!
All Donovans: NO!
Red: No, I will stay to drink!
All Donovans: DRINK!
Clyde: I done drank so much, I can't even fucking think!
All Donovans: YEAH!
Chelsea: Get this party jumping! This beat is really pumping!
Tommy: (Looks into the audience)I see a little hottie! I need to tell her something! Yeah you're looking sexy in your all pink!
Chelsea: Stop being lame…
All Donovans: AND HAVE A FUCKING DRINK!
Clyde: Let's go! One shot…
Red: Two shots…
Chelsea: Three shots…
Tommy: Four!
Clyde: Take that bottle to the head have one fucking more! One shot…
Red: Two shots…
Chelsea: Three shots…
Tommy: Four!
Clyde: Take that bottle to the head and have…
All Donovans: One fucking more!
Chelsea: Everybody!
All Donovans: Drink, drink, drink, drink, drink, drink, drink!
Chelsea: Hey!
All Donovans: Drink, drink, drink, drink, drink, drink, drink!
Tommy: Everybody!
Red: Pour me another one…
Clyde: Pour me another one…
Chelsea: Pour me another one…
Tommy: Pour me another one…
All Donovans: Pour me another one!
Red: First off, I'm a pro at this! I walk in the club with the coldest bitch! Straighten up, you better focus bitch! My glass half empty, pour some shit!
Clyde: The matter of fact, go ahead and drink that. Couple more shots, yeah where your freak at? I peep that, now I need that! Treat your pussy like a record! Go ahead an dleak that!
Tommy: It's Tommy, that dude up in the place! Donovan fam, we doin' it by the case! Champagne is like a player's mace! (Pulls a Super Soaker water gun from hammer space) When the girl's act naughty, I spray 'em up in the face! (And fires it into the audience)
Chelsea: Yeah it feels like college! I'm the girl walking around with the beer goggles! We surrounded by models. Cause it looks like 4th of July when I bring them bottles!
Clyde: One shot…
Red: Two shots…
Chelsea: Three shots…
Tommy: Four!
Clyde: Take that bottle to the head have one fucking more! One shot…
Red: Two shots…
Chelsea: Three shots…
Tommy: Four!
Clyde: Take that bottle to the head and have…
All Donovans: One fucking more!
Chelsea: Everybody!
All Donovans: Drink, drink, drink, drink, drink, drink, drink!
Chelsea: Hey!
All Donovans: Drink, drink, drink, drink, drink, drink, drink!
Tommy: Everybody!
Red: Pour me another one…
Clyde: Pour me another one…
Chelsea: Pour me another one…
Tommy: Pour me another one…
All Donovans: Pour me another one!
The audience applauded as the song ends and the judges prepare to give their score.
"Not exactly how I feel about kids singing about stuff like that with their parents…but it was still a nice performance." Evans said.
Evans and Hemsworth gave the performance a 7.5 while Downey gave it an 8.
"You guys scored a score of 23," Downey said, "Sorry guys, it was still a good performance."
Chelsea and Tommy looked at their parents, feeling bad that they couldn't help them win.
"We're really sorry you two," Chelsea said, "I thought for sure we'd win if we sang that song."
Clyde and Red just hugged their children.
"Don't worry about it," Clyde said, "What matters is we had fun, and I personally had fun performing with you all."
"Thanks, dad," Tommy said, "We had fun with you guys too."
The Donovans returned backstage as the judges prepare to introduce their last performer.
"Well with that Lyra girl's father not here yet, we have one more performer before we call it quits." Hemsworth said.
"Yup," Evans said, "So let's introduce our last performer, Jacques Brodeur!"
Backstage, Lyra's eyes widened as soon she heard that name. She saw Jacques pass by and she decided to confront him! She believed he had something to do with Stan's sudden disappearance!
"YOU!" Lyra shouted, causing Jacques to turn around.
"Ah, my little poodle, it's been a while hasn't it?" Jacques said trying to feign innocence!
"What have you done!" Lyra demanded, "Where's my dad!"
"My little poodle, what makes you think I had something to do with your father's disappearance?" Jacques asked.
"Oh I don't know?" Lyra said with a hint of sarcasm, "Maybe because Mrs. Broflovski is out there and you still have the hots for her, even though she slapped you silly saying she likes my dad!"
"Oh, la, la!" Jacques said, "You can read me like a book, can't you? Now why don't you do yourself a favor, and watch as I win the heart of my beautiful Bebe."
"She'll never, ever love you!" Lyra said as Jacques started to leave.
"You watch me!" Jacques said as he left for the main stage.
Felix noticed this and came up to Lyra.
"Who was that, Lyra?" Felix asked.
"Remember when I told you about that Jacques guy who threw me into a closet while he tried to romance your mom?" Lyra asked, "Guess what, that's the guy. And I think he's going to try and win her over again!"
"We have to do something!" Felix said.
The two kids tried to think of a way to sabotage Jacques' performance so the judges will score him low. It was at this moment that they saw a ladder that leads up to the stage rafters. Lyra and Felix looked at each other and knew what they had to do.
Meanwhile, Jacques came out on stage ready to sing, much to Bebe's chagrin.
"Oh god, what is that French jerk doing here!" Bebe said to herself.
"For my song, I would like to dedicate it a beautiful belle in the audience. One miss Bebe Broflovski." Jacques said, "I do hope you enjoy it."
(Singer: Jacques Brodeur performing 'Hello' by Lionel Richie)
(The music starts and Jacques sings)
Jacques: I've been alone with you inside my mind. And in my dreams I've kissed your lips a thousand time. I sometimes see you pass outside my door. Hello? Is it me you're looking for? I can see it in your eyes, I can see it in your smile. You're all I've ever wanted, and my arms are opened wide. 'Cause you know just what to say, and you know just what to do, and I want to tell you so much…I love you.
(Instrumentals play and Bebe yawns, unimpressed and uninterested. Meanwhile, Lyra and Felix make it to the rafters where there are loads of lights and sandbags waiting for them)
Lyra: (Spoken) Frenchie is giving that lovely song a bad name!
Felix: (Spoken and he grabs the cable to one of the lights) Okay, Ly, you ready?
Lyra: (Spoken as she grabs the rope to a sand bag) As I'll ever be.
(We cut back to Jacques singing)
Jacques: I long to see the sunlight in your hair. And tell you time and time again how much I care.
(Jacques moves left and avoids getting hit by a light that Felix dropped)
Jacques: Sometimes I feel my heart will overflow. Hello? I've just got to let you know.
(Jacques leaps forward just before Lyra's sand bag can hit him)
Jacques: 'Cause I wonder where you are, and I wonder what you do. Are you somewhere feeling lonely?
(Jacques moves to the left a little to avoid another stage light)
Jacques: Or is someone loving you?
(Jacques moves back to the right to avoid another sand bag before frolicking across the stage, dodging a series of lights and sand bags)
Jacques: Tell me how to win your heart, for I haven't got a clue. But let me start by saying, I love you.
(Up in the rafters, Lyra and Felix are getting madder and madder that they keep missing him)
Felix: (Spoken) Dang it, Frenchie, stand still!
Lyra: (Spoken) Keep trying to hit him, Felix, I'll be right back. (Leaves as Jacques continues his song)
Jacques: Hello? (Avoids another sandbag) Is it me you're looking for? (Avoids another light)'Cause I wonder where you are, and I wonder what you do. Are you somewhere feeling lonely, or is someone loving you? (Moves out of the way of a sandbag and a stage light) Tell me how to win your heart, for I haven't got a clue. But let me star by saying…I love…
CRASH!
(The audience gasps, and Bebe smiles a little bit, because a grand piano fell on him courtesy of Lyra)
Felix: Dang, Ly, you hauled that piano all the way up here? How'd you do it? Better yet, how'd you find it?
Lyra: These and many more questions I shall ask when we get down from here before someone notice.
(Lyra and Felix come down from the rafters, signifying the end of the song)
Jacques crawls out from underneath the grand piano and lays on the stage beaten up and defeated. It was at this moment when Bebe came up on stage and just looked at him.
"B-Bebe, mon belle," Jacques weakly smiled, "Have I won your heart?"
"Not even close you French asshat!" Bebe said as she spat in his face.
"The saliva of a goddess," Jacques said.
"AUGH! What is wrong with you!" Bebe shouted.
"Ahem," Downey cleared his throat, "Completely ignoring the fact most of the stage is destroyed and a grand piano came out of nowhere, this was a decent performance. What say you guys?"
Downey gave the performance an 8, Evans gave it a 7, Hemsworth gave it a 6.5.
"Tough break, guy," Downey said, "You scored a 21.5. All of the humiliation and none of the reward."
"You could say that again," Bebe said before angrily at Jacques who was getting up, "In fact, guys, can I sing a quick song to this French asshat over here? I know I didn't apply, but I figured I'd sing a song for him to get the message across that I don't want him!"
"Sure, miss, whatever you want," Evans said.
"Thank you," Bebe said before glaring at Jacques, "Okay, Frenchie, listen up and listen good because I'm only going to say this once."
Bebe cleared her throat and began to sing.
(Singer: Bebe Broflovski performing 'No' by Meghan Trainor)
Bebe: I think it's so cute. I think it's so sweet how your little friends encourage you to try and talk to me. But let me stop you there before you speak…Nah to the ah to the no, no, no!
(She pushes Jacques back to the floor)
Bebe: My name is no, my sign is no, my number is no. You need to let it go. You need to let it go. Need to let it go. Nah to the ah to the no, no, no! My name is no, my sign is no, my number is no. You need to let it go. You need to let it go. Need to let it go. Nah to the ah to the no, no, no!
(Jacques gets up as Bebe starts to circle him)
Bebe: First you gonna say you wain't runnin' game, thinkin' I'm believing every word. Call me beautiful, so original, telling me I'm not like other girls. I was in my zone before you came along, now I'm thinking maybe you should go. Blah, blah, blah! I be like nah to the ah, to the no, no, no!
(Bebe speaks to the audience)
Bebe: All my ladies listen up, if that boy ain't giving up, lick you lips and swing your hips. Girl, all you gotta say is.
Audience: My name is no, my sign is no, my number is no. You need to let it go. You need to let it go. Need to let it go. Nah to the ah to the no, no, no!
(Bebe gets in Jacques face)
Bebe: My name is no, my sign is no, my number is no. You need to let it go. You need to let it go. Need to let it go. Nah to the ah to the no, no, no!
(Bebe puts her hand in Jacques face in a 'talk to the hand' fashion)
Bebe: Thank you in advance, I don't want to dance. I don't need your hands all over me.
(Pictures of Stan and Kyle show up on the projector)
Bebe: If I want a man, then I'm a get a man. But it's never my priority.
(Gets back in Jacques face)
Bebe: I was in my zone before you came along. Don't want you to take this personal. Blah, blah, blah! I be like nah to the ah to the no, no, no!
(Bebe speaks to the audience again)
Bebe: All my ladies listen up, if that boy ain't giving up, lick you lips and swing your hips. Girl, all you gotta say is.
Audience: My name is no, my sign is no, my number is no. You need to let it go. You need to let it go. Need to let it go. Nah to the ah to the no, no, no!
Bebe: My name is no, my sign is no, my number is no. You need to let it go. You need to let it go. Need to let it go. Nah to the ah to the no, no, no!
(Bebe begins to flex and pose)
Bebe: I'm feeling untouchable, untouchable. I'm feeling untouchable, untouchable. I'm feeling untouchable, untouchable. I'm feeling…
Audience: Nah to the ah to the no, no, no!
Bebe: I'm feeling untouchable, untouchable. I'm feeling untouchable, untouchable. I'm feeling untouchable, untouchable. I'm feeling…
Audience: Nah to the ah to the no, no, no!
(Bebe, once again, speaks to the audience and then gets in Jacques face)
Bebe: All my ladies listen up, if that boy ain't giving up, lick you lips and swing your hips. Girl, all you gotta say is. My name is no, my sign is no, my number is no. You need to let it go. You need to let it go. Need to let it go. Nah to the ah to the no, no, no! My name is no, my sign is no, my number is no. You need to let it go. You need to let it go. Need to let it go. Nah to the ah to the no, no, no!
(Bebe finishes the song by flexing and posing some more before kicking Jacques in the balls)
Bebe: I'm feeling untouchable, untouchable. I'm feeling untouchable, untouchable. I'm feeling untouchable, untouchable. I'm feeling nah to the ah to the no, no, NO!
The audience applauds as Bebe finishes her song and Felix, Lyra, Isabella, Matthew, and her parents Jeffrey and Helen come up on stage. Jacques can only crawl away.
"Way to show him, mom!" Felix said.
"Yeah, great work!" Isabella said.
"Excellent display, miss," Evans complimented, "Unfortunately, however, it looks like that girl's father couldn't make it."
"Aww no!" Lyra whined.
Evans continued, "So with all of that said and done, it's time to crown the winner of…"
"WAIT!"
Out of nowhere appeared Stan! He ran up on stage, panting and sweating.
"Dad! You made it!" Lyra hugged her father tight.
"Sorry I'm late everybody," Stan said, "Someone took my keys and I had to run here."
"Gee, I wonder who was responsible for that!" Lyra said glaring at Jacques who was still crawling off.
"You haven't seen the last of me!" Jacques shouted, "Bebe will be mine! You'll see!"
Jacques finally crawled out of sight when Stan turned to the judges.
"Listen, I'm so sorry I'm late," Stan apologized, "Can you still fit my song in there?"
"Well it's like they always say, 'Better late than never'." Evans said. "Show us what you got."
"Thank you," Stan said as he turned to Bebe, "Bebe, can you stay on stage with me for this. This is my surprise to you."
"Sure Stan, I'd like to join you," Bebe said with a smile.
"Terrific!" Stan said as Bebe's kids, parents, and Lyra walked off stage and Lola's orchestra buddies arrived on stage.
"Bebe," Stan began, "As soon as I heard this sing-off was happening, I knew at that moment I had to use this event to tell you three very important words…I love you."
(Singer: Stan Marsh; Instrumentals; Lola's Orchestra performing 'Ready to Take a Chance Again' by Barry Manilow)
(The song begins and Stan takes Bebe's hand in his)
Stan: You remind me I live in a shell. Safe from the past and doing okay, but not very well. No jolts no surprises, no crisis arises, my life goes along as it should. It's all very nice, but not very good.
(Stan and Bebe sway to the beat)
Stan: And I'm ready to take a chance again! Ready to put my love on the line with you! Been livin' with nothing to show for it. You get what you get when you go for it, and I'm ready to take a chance again with you!
(Felix and Lyra are in the audience getting misty eyed)
Stan: When she left me in all my despair. I just held on, my hopes were all gone. Then I found you there. And I'm ready to take a chance again! Ready to put my love on the line with you! Been livin' with nothing to show for it!
(The audience pulls out lighters and cell phone lights and sway as Bebe and Stan face the audience)
Stan: And I'm ready to take a chance again! Ready to put my love on the line with you! Been livin' with nothing to show for it! You get what you get when you go for it! And I'm ready to take a chance again! Ready to take a chance again with you! With you!
(Stan and Bebe end the song by kissing each other warmly. The kiss gets broken when Bebe says…)
Bebe: (Spoken) I love you too, Stan. Let's take a chance together!
Stan: (Spoken) Yes, let's.
The audience applauds as the song ends and the two of them kiss again. The judges were moved to tears by this display of love and affection.
"Well, guys, what do you think?" Hemsworth asked.
Surprisingly, all three judges gave Stan's performance a 10!
"Stan Marsh has scored a perfect score!" Evans said, "So that means he wins this year's Fourth of July sing-off!"
The audience cheered for Stan and Bebe as they are joined by their closest friends and family. Even the Powers and Smith families join them. A man came up to Stan and handed him a check for $1,000.
"$1,000 sure is nice," Stan said looking at the check, "But finding a second chance at love is even better."
"My thoughts exactly," Bebe said.
"Now if I'm not mistaken, this is the Fourth of July, no?" Hemsworth asked, "And what's a Fourth of July celebration without a little fireworks!"
As if on cue, the sky started to light up with a display of beautiful, colorful fireworks. Everyone present looked up into the sky, 'ohing' and 'ahing' at the spectacle.
Lyra looked over at her father, "So dad, can we agree that this is the best Fourth of July ever?"
"Lyra," Stan said as he held her and Bebe close, "I think this is going to a Fourth of July that I'll cherish for a long time."
Stan, Lyra, Bebe, and all of their friends and family, along with the audience and the judges, continued to look up into the sky in amazement at the fireworks that exploded before them.
Stan was right, this was going to be a Fourth of July that no one will ever forget.
(Cue Don't Think Twice by Hikaru Utada (Once again, characters and events that have yet to appear/happen will be mentioned here))
(How did I live in a kingdom of thieves? And people who say things they don't really mean?)
(It's a sunny day and Wendy and Stan are dancing together outside and right next to them are Kyle and Bebe, who are also dancing. Suddenly, the sunny skies turn stormy and Wendy is ripped away from Stan, and Kyle is ripped away from Bebe, both couples trying in vein to reach out to one another. Wendy and Kyle go up into the sky, can the ground gives weight for Stan and Bebe to fall down)
(You're only everything I ever dreamed. Ever dreamed of, ever dreamed of)
(As Stan and Bebe fall, they are enveloped by a red colored paint type substance. Behind the paint is a shadowy figure. It smiles evilly. This figure is one of Jacques Brodeur)
(You must be kidding me, did you really think I could say no?)
(Stan's daughter Lyra, and Bebe's son Felix are running through a grassy plain and two balls of light fall from the sky. The light balls reveal themselves as Wendy and Kyle, who hold their hands out to their children)
(I want you for a lifetime. So if you're gonna think twice, baby. I don't wanna know, baby, I don't wanna know)
(Cartman is standing in front of a statue of a heart. He pulls out a gun and shoots it, causing it to break. Shelly then appears and collapses to the ground, heartbroken)
(Everything is just right. But if you're gonna think twice, baby. I don't wanna know, baby, I don't wanna know)
(Sometime later, Cody Oppenheimer finds the broken pieces of the heart and puts them back together)
(I really don't get what everyone else believes. So why do I say things I don't really mean, really mean.)
(Late at night, Lola and Kenny are in bed. But while Lola is sleeping, Kenny is looking up more information about the crystals he heard about in war)
(I'm only crying 'cause I never dreamed. It'd take this long, it'd take this long)
(Kenny thinks about General Rakish with the big purple crystal floating over him. Suddenly, eight more smaller crystals circle around the big purple one: A red one, a blue one, a green one, a gold one, a pink one, an orange one, a white one, and a black one)
(I want you for a lifetime. So if you're gonna think twice, baby. I don't wanna know, baby, I don't wanna know.)
(General Rakish turns into another villain, Carlos Murciélago. The crystals are still floating over him, and the background changes to the grassy plain from before. The main adults and children are watching in horror at the sight before them)
(Everything is just right. But if you're gonna think twice, baby. I don't wanna know, baby, I don't wanna know)
(Carlos summons a demon warship from out of nowhere and easily takes out the adults and younger children, much to the older children's horror)
(Don't think twice, don't think twice. Don't think twice, baby, don't think twice)
(The children are crying and look like they're going to lose hope when an astral projection of Sir Justice appears. The sight of the unknown hero inspires the children to not give up and put the villain down. The children and Sir Justice charge at Carlos and the warship)
(If you want to take it to an even higher level. All you gotta do is say the word, you know I'll follow. If you wanna take it to an even higher level. I don't, I don't bite)
(Outside of the dream, Isabella Broflovski is looking at a picture of Kyle. Behind him Stan places a hand on her shoulder, which Isabella brushes off and walks away)
(If you want to make it happen, nothing's impossible. All you gotta do is say the word, the walls will crumble. If you want to make it happen, nothing's impossible)
(Shelly gets up from her heartbreak and finds Cody holding a hand out to pick her up. Shelly grabs Cody's hand and we cut to the next scene)
(I want you for a lifetime. So if you're gonna think twice, baby. I don't wanna know, baby, I don't wanna know)
(Stan and Jacques are fighting for Bebe's affections)
(Everything is just right. But if you're gonna think twice, baby. I don't wanna know, baby, I don't wanna know)
(Felix and Lyra are in a dark area, the look behind them to find a older, dying boy in a hospital bed. This boy is named Byron. Lyra and Felix try and run to the hospital bed to see him, but once again, the ground gives weight and the two kids fall into darkness)
(Kiss me once, kiss me twice, kiss me three times. Cross the line)
(Stan and Bebe are alone on a hill somewhere admiring the sunset. The two of them look into each other's eyes before making a move to kiss each other)
(Don't think twice, don't think twice. Don't think twice, baby, don't think twice)
(Cut to night time on that same hill where the Marshes, Broflovskis, Donovans, Tweaks, Tuckers, Cartmans, Stotches, McCormicks, and Oppenheimers are looking up at a full moon. Some of the kids are asleep, but those who are awake are enjoying the company and the beauty of the night sky)