South Park Emotional Warzone Chapter 18: The Lottery Ticket
It's another sunny July day in South Park. Stan and Bebe started this day off much like any other by making their respective children breakfast before sending them off to their grandparents' house before heading off to their day jobs, Lyra being sent to Randy and Sharon's house and Felix, Isabella, and Matthew being sent to Gerald and Sheila's house.
Eventually it was Stan and Bebe's lunch break and they decided to spend it by meeting at Clyde's restaurant simply titled, 'Clyde's'. The two placed their orders and decided to chat about whatever was going on in their lives and if they had anything planned for the rest of the summer. Stan didn't have anything major planned, but Bebe was super excited since they'll be celebrating Matthew's first birthday at the end of the month, and Lola and Kenny offered her their backyard as the place to celebrate it.
Sometime later, Clyde came up to Stan and Bebe's table with their lunches.
"Here you are guys, enjoy," Clyde said.
"Thank you, Clyde," Bebe said.
Clyde turned around to head back into the kitchen, but a small sheet of paper fell out of his back pocket. Stan took notice and picked it up.
"Hey, Clyde, you dropped this!" Stan called out to his friend.
Clyde turned around, saw the piece of paper in his hand, and ran back to him to take it back.
"Thank you, Stan, I don't know what I would've done if I lost it," Clyde said.
"What is that anyway, Clyde?" Bebe asked.
"This is my lottery ticket," Clyde explained, "Apparently this month's prize is record breaking for the state of Colorado. We're talking 5.3 billion dollars!"
"5.3 billion!?" Bebe and Stan shouted.
"Yeah, they're going to call the winning numbers tonight," Clyde said, "I can't believe you guys didn't know."
"I guess we were so busy with everything else that the lottery is just treated as an afterthought," Stan said.
"5.3 billion dollars," Bebe said in amazement, "It sounds almost too good to be true. I've got to try."
"Go for it, Bebe," Clyde said, "How about you Stan?"
"It's tempting, but I don't think I'm going to do it!" Stan said, "I mean what are the odds of any one of us winning the lottery? It's just a waste of time and money to me."
"You're definitely not going to win if you don't at least buy a ticket," Clyde said, "A ticket is only $10. It's no big loss."
"Thanks but no thanks," Stan said.
"Alright, bud, but it's your funeral," Clyde said as he took out another slip of paper from his pocket, this one being the bills, "And here's your bill. I know you like to pay for it early."
Stan took the bill and saw that his and Bebe's lunch cost $24. Stan gave Clyde exact change.
"Thanks, Stan, enjoy your lunch you guys," Clyde said, "And good luck in the lottery Bebe. Oh, by the way, I'm inviting all of our friends over here for a viewing party of the lottery tonight in case one of us is the lucky winner."
"Okay, I'll be here," Bebe said.
"See you later, guys," Clyde said as he went back into the kitchen.
Stan and Bebe finished their lunch, saw each other off with a kiss, and they went their separate ways. Stan went back on patrol and Bebe took a pit stop at the local convenience store to get her lottery ticket before returning to her job at the eye doctor.
Meanwhile at Sheila and Gerald's house, Felix and Isabella were watching T.V in the living room while Sheila was feeding baby Matthew in the kitchen.
"Get ready, here comes the airplane," Sheila said as she feed Matthew some applesauce.
At this moment Gerald came in with two lottery tickets, one for him and one for his wife.
"I got the tickets, honey," Gerald said handing his wife her lottery ticket.
"Alright!" Sheila said looking at her ticket, "I can already see myself depositing that $5.3 billion in my bank account already."
Felix and Isabella, who heard their grandparents talking from inside, decided to go see what was up.
"What's this talk about money?" Felix asked.
"They're going to call winning numbers for the lottery tonight, and the numbers are record breaking." Gerald explained, "The winner gets $5.3 billion."
"Whoa! $5.3 billion!?" Isabella said, "I don't even think I can count that high!"
"It is quite the big number, isn't it sweetie?" Sheila said to her granddaughter.
"And if we hit the jackpot, your grandmother and I have huge plans on how we're going to spend it," Gerald said, "You know renovations on the house, maybe a second honeymoon."
Felix wasn't paying attention to what his grandfather had to say and instead thought about that magic number: 5.3 billion.
"5.3 billion," Felix said to himself in amazement, "How many zeros does that number even have? It's so big! It's not quite a trillion but it's better than a million! If I have that kind of money I'd be set for life! Hey grandpa, can you go back to the store and get me a ticket please?"
"No can do, Felix," Gerald said, "In order to play the lottery you gotta be 18 to play."
"What?!" Felix shouted in disappointment
"Cheer up, kiddo, only nine more years to go," Gerald said.
"A lot can happen in nine years!" Felix cried, "I could die, the country could enter another Great Depression resulting in no more lotteries ever again. Can't the powers that be make an exception just this one time?"
"Sorry, Felix, those are the rules," Gerald said.
"Gerald, honey, I finished feeding Matthew," Sheila said, "Can you make Felix and Izzy their lunches while I put Matthew down for his nap."
"Of course, Sheila," Gerald said as he grabbed some sandwich ingredients from the refrigerator and Sheila took a tired Matthew upstairs. Felix walked back into the living room in disappointment, and Isabella could only follow him and rub his shoulder to try and cheer him up.
"Don't worry, brother," Isabella said, "Like Grandpa said, it's only another nine years and time flies."
"That's not the point, Izzy," Felix said, "Everything cool in life is locked behind an age limit. I can't drive, I can't buy M rated games, I can't see R rated movies, I can't drink beer, I can't even go into these 'gentleman clubs'. I can be a gentleman! Don't I look good in a top hat, and cane, and a pocketful of miracles?"
"Dude, I'm seven and I know for a fact that's not what gentleman clubs are," Isabella said bluntly.
"And now I finally have an opportunity to become a billionaire, and I can't even partake in that," Felix continued, "Well no more! This is where I make a stand!"
Felix took his cell phone out from his back pocket and made his way outside.
"Where you going?" Isabella asked, "You're going to miss lunch!"
"Tell grandpa to keep it cool, I'll be back in a few," Felix said as he shut the door behind him and stood on the front porch to make a phone call.
"Hello, Lyra?" Felix started, "Are you at Mr. and Mrs. Marsh's place…is Junior there with you…great, I'm going to go find Larry, Barry, and Chelsea, but I need you two to round up Paul, Mimi, Cici, and Lindsay. I need you to meet us at the mini-mart with those disguises we used the other day…Why? Because I'm making a stand baby!"
With that Felix hung up on Lyra and he began to search for his friends.
Meanwhile, all the way in Boulder, CO, Sid, Odette, Edgar, and Tori are at Boulder's Central Park just hanging out on one of the park benches. Sid is playing his guitar and has a hat on the ground for people to throw money in.
"Oh baby you, you got what I need! But you say he's just a friend! But you say he's just a friend! Oh baby you…" Sid sang as a passerby tosses in a dollar.
"How much do we have now?" Tori asked as Edgar grabbed the money hat in response. He counted all of the bills and gave his friends the total.
"We have $58.39," Edgar said, "Enough to get some slushie at the 7 Eleven and then some."
"Aw yeah!" Sid said as he stopped playing his song.
"Just in time too, this heat is getting unbearable," Odette said looking up at the sun, "After this I say we hit the old swimming hole."
"Swimming hole? What is this 1969?" Tori asked.
The four kids left the park and made their way to the 7 Eleven. As they walked, they constantly heard the people around them talk about the lottery and how they're sure that the numbers they picked are the winning numbers. Talk of the $5.3 billion prize only worsened once they entered the store. There was a long line of people telling the clerk what numbers they wanted. There were more people at that 7 Eleven who wanted lottery tickets more than gasoline or groceries. The group of four left the 7 Eleven feeling a mixture of amazement and annoyance.
"God, it's like all people can talk about is this lottery," Edgar said.
"Well $5.3 billion is quite an astonishing sum of cash, bro," Tori said.
"I can't wait until I'm 18 so I can try," Odette said.
"Me and my folks aren't really all that into the lottery," Sid said, "The few times my parents tried they never won so we just gave up on that stuff long ago. Besides, dudes, money doesn't bring happiness. What brings happiness is what I have right now, some slushies, my best friends, two parents that love me lots, and my trusty guitar."
At that moment, Sid sat down on a bench in front of the 7 Eleven and started to play his guitar again.
"Money, get away. Get a job with good pay and you're okay. Money, it's a gas!" Sid sang.
Odette, Tori, and Edgar joined him on the bench and they listened to him sing and play guitar while they drank their slushies.
Some time went by when they saw a familiar looking limousine park itself next to one of the gas pumps.
"Hey, does that limousine look familiar?" Tori asked.
"Now that you mention it, it kind of does." Odette said.
The driver of the limousine got out of the car and made his way to the back where he knocked on the window causing it to lower down. The kids looked to find that it was Jacques Brodeur, and they gasped when they saw his face.
"I'm going in to pay for gas, sir, would you like me to get you anything?" The driver asked the French jerk inside the limousine.
"No thank you, I am waiting for someone and I want to be here when he arrives." Jacques said as he rolled his window back up and the driver went inside the store.
"Did you guys hear what he said?" Tori asked.
"Yeah, Frenchie's waiting for someone," Odette said.
"Who do you think is?" Edgar asked.
"I don't know, dude, but I get the feeling we won't have to wait long," Sid said.
He was right. A few seconds after the driver came out of the store and started to pump gas, a man in a grey suit came up to the limousine and knocked on the window. Jacques lowered it down and he started to converse with the man. The four kids tried to listen in on what was going on.
"Do you have the cash?" The grey suit man asked.
"Right here, mon amie," Jacques said as he handed the man a huge wad of cash which he put away in his pocket.
"Show me your ticket," The man said.
Jacques took out his own lottery ticket and showed him the numbers.
"7, 9, 17, 42, 52, and 55," Jacques said. "Your air mix machine has separate compartments for each ball, correct?"
"That's right," The grey suit man nodded.
"Magnifique!" Jacques exclaimed, "So you put all of the 7 balls in one compartment, all 9 balls in another, all 17 balls in the third one, all 42 balls in the fourth, all 52 balls in the fifth, and all 55 balls in the sixth. Understand?
"Yes sir," The grey suit man said, "But can I ask why you're doing this? Last I checked you're the Jacques Brodeur. You know, Colorado's greatest art critic. Someone like you has all of the money they could ever want."
"I'm doing this for a special little belle whose name I wash to remain anonymous," Jacques answered.
"But you could have any woman you want without having to go through this trouble," The grey suit man said.
"The woman I want is just playing hard to get," Jacques said, "But once she hears that I'm $5.3 billion richer, it'll only be a matter of time before she comes to me running."
"Well good luck to you," The grey suit man said.
"Merci," Jacques said as he rolled his window up, "Don't let me down."
The driver finished pumping the gas as he got in the limousine and drove off. The grey suit man then walked off.
"We gotta follow him!" Sid said.
The four older kids started to follow this mysterious man. They followed him all the way to the Boulder bus station. The man got on line to buy a ticket and the four kids leaned up against a wall, making sure to cover up their faces with some newspapers and magazines that were on a small table in the waiting area. They tried to listen in on where the man was going.
"One ticket to Denver please," The man said.
The guy behind the counter gave the man his ticket and he went back outside to board the next bus to Denver.
"I wonder why Jacques is sending this guy to Denver?" Odette questioned.
"No doubt it has something to do with the lottery," Edgar said, "Doesn't FOX have a news station in Denver, and don't they do the lottery drawing there too?"
"I'm pretty sure," Tori said.
"Then that dude must be on his way over to the news station right now to rig the lottery so Jacques can win!" Sid exclaimed.
"Well what are we waiting for?" Odette asked, "We gotta board that bus and continue following this guy so we can foil Jacques' plan!"
The four kids went up to the ticket counter, used the rest of their money to buy round trip tickets to Denver, and they boarded the bus without being detected by the grey suit man. After a while, the bus left the station and began its trip to Denver.
Back in South Park, Stan is patrolling around in his police car. It was a rather slow day with little to no activity going on. Days like these were usually a double edged sword for Stan as on the one hand it meant he got through a shift totally stress-free, but on the other hand the lack of activity left Stan feeling so bored he wanted to scream. But when he felt the boredom come on, he just had to tell himself that he was basically getting paid to drive around town. Stan drove around town so much that the gas gauge on his police car was almost on the 'E', so he stopped off at the gas station to fuel up.
He took out his credit car, put it in the slot in the gas pump before quickly pulling it out, and started pumping. As Stan pumped his gas he saw a group of three college aged kids walk out of the store talking about the lottery.
"I'm telling you dude, with these numbers I can't lose!" The first of the college kids said.
"Are you kidding?" The second one asked, "My numbers are much more likely to be picked."
"My guy, you picked birthdays for your numbers," The third one said to the second one, "That strategy almost never works."
"At least I didn't get my numbers from some dream I had last night," The second one snapped back.
"It wasn't a dream, it was premonition!" The third one corrected, "It has to be fate!"
"Bull crap, pal, bull crap!" The second one said.
"Leave him alone, dude, let the dreamer believe," The first one said.
Stan just shook his head, dismissing the temptation of trying out for this once in a lifetime lottery. The gas stopped pumping and he looked at how much it'll cost him. The total came to be $32.08.
Stan put the gas pump back and got in his police car when he suddenly heard an announcement of his radio.
"Attention all officers we have a code 211 at the South Park Bank, suspects are armed and dangerous. All units please respond."
Stan quickly picked up his walkie-talkie and responded.
"Officer Marsh, reporting, I'm on my way right now!" Stan said into the walkie-talkie before putting it away, "Let's roll!"
Stan turned on his police siren and sped off for the South Park Bank.
In another part of South Park, Felix was standing across the street from the convenience store with Chelsea, Larry, and Barry by his side.
"So what did you call us out here for, Felix?" Chelsea asked her friend.
"I'll tell you once the rest of our gang arrives," Felix says.
"Oh, Felix, if you're waiting for the rest of our friends to get here so you can confess your feelings for me…well, I just want to say that it's cute how you want to confess your love in front of an audience. You little romantic, you." Chelsea teased.
"What!" Felix jumped back and blushed, "Who said anything about…"
"Just kidding," Chelsea giggled, "Of course if that really is your intention."
"No, it's not that so stop thinking it is!" Felix said his face growing ever redder.
"He totally likes her," Larry whispered in Barry's ear causing the twin brother to nod in agreement.
"Yo, dudes!" Came Junior's voice as he, Lyra, Lindsay, Mimi, Cici, and Paul came up to the four kids.
"It's about time you lot arrived," Larry said.
"Sorry we're late," Lyra said, "Paul over here was sleeping in."
"Sleeping in?" Felix questioned, "Bro, it's 1:30 in the afternoon!"
"Sorry bud," Paul yawned, "I was up all night last night playing Paper Mario: The Origami King. I saved up allowance for weeks to get it."
"Paper Mario: Sticker Star is better," Lindsay chimed in causing her nine friends to give her dirty looks, "Guess I'm in the minority then, eh?"
"Yeah, it looks that way," Barry said.
"Alright, enough with the talk of Paper Mario!" Felix shouted, "You're all probably wondering why I gathered you all here."
"I imagine it has something to do with that convenience store across the street?" Paul asked.
"Exactly," Felix said, "My friends, today we are going to get lottery tickets!"
"Yay!" Lindsay said as she clapped her hands.
"Oh, Felix, you never cease to make me laugh," Chelsea said, "Don't you know you need to be 18 or older to get a lottery ticket?"
"I know, that's why we're doing this," Felix said, "See, I'm tired of being told 'no,' because I'm apparently 'not old enough.' So today, when I heard about the $5.3 billion lottery and I was told I was too young to play, I decided that this will be the day where we change the rules. Youngsters like us deserve a chance at the lottery as much as any adult. That's why we're going to go into that store and walk out with lottery tickets of our very own! Who's with me?!"
To Felix's surprise none of his nine friends were on his side.
"Really," Felix said shocked, "I made this rousing speech and no one is on my side?"
"It's not that we're not on your side, Felix," Mimi said, "It's just that rules like these are passed for a reason."
"And that reason is to oppress the youths of the world," Felix said, but still no one had his back, "Okay if this works and I win, I'll split the money with all of you."
That was enough incentive for Felix's friends to rise up and cheer for him. Felix just smiled and watched as his friends praised him. When the cheering died down, Felix turned to Lyra and Junior.
"Lyra, Junior, you two have our disguises from when we went to Buca De Fagoncinni the other day?" Felix asked.
"We got them right here!" Junior said as he and Lyra held up canvas bags that held the disguises.
"Very good," Felix said, "Follow me!"
Felix lead is friends to the back of the convenience store where they suited up into their trench coat disguises. Once again Felix, Chelsea, Cici, Larry, and Paul were the heads while Lyra, Lindsay, Mimi, Barry, and Junior were the respective legs. Once the kids had their disguises on, they went into the store and went straight for the man and the counter.
"Ahem, excuse me sir," Felix said in his deepened voice causing the clerk to look his way.
"Yes, can I help you?" The clerk asked.
"You can," Felix said, "I would like 10 of your lottery tickets for me and my good friends."
The clerk just looked at the 'man' and his friends with a nonplused look on his face.
"So you five would like some lottery tickets?" The clerk raised a brow.
"That's right," Felix nodded.
"Okay then can I see some I.D?" The clerk asked causing all the kids, even the ones hiding underneath the trench coat, break out in a cold sweat.
"I.D, my good man?" Felix said nervously, "Why do we need that? I mean, can't you tell we're adults just by looking at us? Tell him everyone?"
"Yeah, I'm a graduate at Harvard University," Cici said in a deepened voice.
"And I work a nine-to-five job," Paul said in his deepened voice.
"And my wife and I are married with children!" Larry said with a deep voice and putting an arm around Chelsea.
"What?" Chelsea whispered in his ear.
"Just play along," Larry whispered back.
Still not convinced, the clerk continued to look at the 'adults' that stood before him and said, "Come on kids, I wasn't born yesterday, I know you're all just kids who are pissed off that they can't play the lottery and are pulling some Totem Trench trick in order to pass themselves off as adults."
"My, my, someone's been watching too many Saturday morning cartoons," Felix said, but the clerk came from behind the counter and opened up all of the 'adults' trench coats to reveal Lyra, Mimi, Junior, Barry, and Lindsay inside.
"Mmm-hmm, just what I thought," The clerk said, "Nice try kids, but I'm not giving you any lottery tickets, now scoot!"
The man pointed at the door and the ten children leave the store defeated.
"I can't believe that didn't work," Lindsay said.
"See, Larry, I knew I should've been the head," Barry said, "Your baby face probably gave us all away!"
"Hey, my face is more mature looking than yours, bro!" Larry snapped back.
"Guys, let's not look to place blame on one another," Felix said, "We just need to come up with a new approach."
The 10 kids put their heads together to try and think of ideas when Larry snapped his fingers, signifying that he came up with a plan.
"I know what we're going to do," Larry said.
Cut to a few minutes later when the clerk is restocking the cigarettes behind the counter, the store's door opens fast and loud catching his attention. He watched as a short figure entered wearing a black ski mask and holding a black pistol entered the store.
"What the hell is going on?" The clerk asked.
The mysterious figure turned in his direction and pointed his pistol at him.
"Alright, fool, hands where I can see them!" The figure shouted.
"Oh my God! Please don't kill me!" The clerk said raising his hands in the air.
"No one has to die today, bro!" The figure said, "Just as long as you do exactly what I say, and you better not call the cops or I swear to God I will blow you away!"
"Okay, just calm down sir, please!" The clerk panicked as he opened the register, "Just tell me how much money you need and I'll give it!"
"I don't want your money!" The figure shouted.
"Then take what you want from the shelves," The clerk panicked, "The Pringles are selling like hot cakes this week."
"I don't want your junk food!" The figure shouted.
"Well what the hell do you want?!" The clerk cried.
"Just give me ten lottery tickets and I'll be on my way!" The figure answered.
"You got it sir, ten lottery ticket coming right…" The clerk stopped panicking as he realized what the figure just said. "Did you just say ten lottery tickets?"
"Yeah, I want to increase my chances of winning!" The figure said, "So hurry up before I shove a bullet through that dumb head of yours!"
"You know, a group of kids came in earlier today asking for the same exact thing," The clerk said having calmed down.
"Do I look like I freaking care!" The figure shouted.
The clerk reached over the counter and grabbed the figure's ski mask to reveal Larry's face.
"I should've known it was one of you!" The clerk said angrily as he confiscated his pistol too, "I bet this isn't even a real gun!"
The clerk pointed the gun at the ceiling and pulled the trigger when…
BLAM!
The bullet went right through the ceiling catching the clerk off guard.
"Where the hell did you get a real gun!" The clerk panicked once again.
"There's some really shady characters hanging out behind this store," Larry answered, "I'd call the police on them if I were you."
"Get out of here now before I call the police on you!" The clerk shouted causing Larry to panic and run out of the store and back across the street where his friends were waiting for him.
"Well that didn't work," Larry said to his friends, "Anybody else have any bright ideas?"
The 10 kids went back to the drawing board to come up with a plan to score some lottery tickets, not ready to throw in the towel just yet.
Meanwhile, back with Edgar, Tori, Sid, and Odette, they are still on the bus with the grey suit man they just saw Jacques make a deal with. The bus had just arrived to the Denver bus station and the four kids watch as the grey suit man walks off and heads in another direction.
"Come on, guys!" Edgar said as he and his friends got off the bus and continued to follow the man down the street.
As they followed the grey suit man they still wondered who he was, how he knew Jacques, what position does he hold at the FOX news station, but more importantly…how much longer until they actually reach the news station!
Eventually, they reach the news station. The four kids watch as the grey suit man approaches the guards at the front door. He shows the two guards his badge and they let him into the building.
"Well good to know we made it, but how are we going to get by those goons?" Odette asked.
"I don't suppose you have any trench coats on hand?" Edgar joked.
"Leave this to me everyone," Sid said, "I'll distract the guards, and when I have their full attention that's when you three run into the building and stop this guy."
"What are you going to do?" Tori asked.
"Do you really have to ask?" Sid smiled as he pulled out his guitar.
A few moments later the guards at the front door are minding their own business when they hear the sound of a guitar. Out from around the corner comes Sid playing 'While My Guitar Gently Weeps,'
"I look at you all, see the love there that's sleeping. While my guitar gently weeps. I look at the floor and I see it needs sweeping. Still my guitar gently weeps," Sid sang.
"Damn, this kid is good," One of doormen said.
"It's not every day you see a boy his age play Beatles songs," The other doorman said, "Rock on, little man!"
"I don't know why nobody told you. How to unfold your love. I don't know how someone controlled you. They bought and sold you." Sid continued to sing as his other three friends poke their heads out from the bushes.
"I think that's our cue, guys," Odette said, "Let's go inside!"
Odette, Edgar, and Tori came out of hiding and snuck into the building while Sid continued to distract the guards. They entered the building without any trouble.
Inside the building, the three kids immediately started to look for where the grey suit man had gone.
"That guy has to be around here some place," Odette said as she guided her other two friends down a hallway.
"If I were him I'd go to where the air mix machine for the lottery is," Edgar said.
"Good call, Edgar," Odette, "It's got to be in one of these rooms. Let's get to looking gang!"
The three kids searched every room in that hallway, but they all lead to either broom closets, empty studios, or dressing rooms.
"Anybody have any luck?" Odette asked.
"Negatory," Tori said.
"We've searched almost every room in this hallway," Edgar cried.
"Then we search every room in the next hallway until we find that air mix machine," Odette said.
Suddenly, the three kids hear the sound of plastic balls being poured in a room at the end of the hallway.
"Do you two hear that?" Odette asked.
"Yeah, it sounds like it's coming from that room over there," Edgar said pointing at the door that had the sound behind it.
It wasn't long before the sound stopped and said door opened with the grey suit man coming out of it. The three kids ducked into one of the closets to avoid being detected by him. The grey suit man was carrying a duffle bag with him and he took it into the same closet that Edgar, Odette, and Tori were hiding in.
The grey suit man opened the closet door and looked around, feeling as though there was something off. Everything looked normal, nothing was out of place, but the man's gut said otherwise. Nevertheless, the man took the duffle bag and placed on top of a high shelf and he made sure to push it close to the wall so no one would be able to see it. Edgar, Odette, and Tori however, saw it all. They were hiding in the cabinets behind the grey suit man and they opened the cabinet doors a crack to see what he was up to. With the duffle bag was stowed away, the grey suit man left the closet and went about his business.
When the coast was clear, Edgar, Odette, and Tori came out of hiding. Without missing a beat, Edgar jumped up and grabbed the duffle bag from the shelf and opened it to reveal all of the numbered balls used for the lottery drawing.
"If these balls are here then no doubt that guy already sabotaged the lottery," Tori said.
"Then it looks like we have to return these balls back to where they belong," Edgar said.
"We might need this for the rigged balls then," Tori said as she pulled out a large garbage bag and put it in her pocket.
"Alright, y'all, let's move!" Odette said.
The three friends left the closet and went down the hall into the room where the grey suit man was in. When they entered the room it was all empty with the exception of the air mix machine that was on the other side of it.
"There's the air mix machine!" Tori said.
"This whole thing seems almost too easy," Odette said as she and her friends began to walk up to the machine. Before they could get any further, however, Edgar stepped on a tile that triggered a whole load of lazer traps between them and the air mix machine. Edgar and Tori shot a glare at Odette for opening her mouth.
"Don't look at me," Odette said, "I'm not the one who stepped on the tile that triggered all of this!"
The three of them just looked at the lazer traps that stood before them.
"Well we came this far, right?" Tori asked as she stepped forward.
"Wait, Tori, you're not seriously considering evading all of those lazers, are you?" Edgar asked his sister.
"Well if I don't then the lottery will stay rigged and Jacques is going to win," Tori said as she took the duffle bag from Edgar, "Besides it doesn't look too bad."
Tori continued forward with the duffle bag and Odette and Edgar could only watch as Tori attempted to get to the other side of the room.
"Well, here I go," Tori said as she jumped over the first lazer trap. She crawled under the next one and leapt over the one after that.
As the traps grew more complex Tori had to not only get more creative with maneuvering her body but also make sure the duffle bag didn't touch any of the lazers. A few times, Tori almost lost her footing which would've resulted in the triggering of the alarms, but she would quickly regain her balance and continue onward. Eventually she made it to the other side of the room.
"I made it!" Tori shouted.
"Alright, sis!" Edgar cheered.
"Whew!" Odette sighed, "I'll be honest, my heart skipped a beat or two there, but I never doubted you for a second, Tori."
"Thanks, Odette," Tori said as she took out her trash bag and opened up the lids to compartments on the air mix machine, "Can you do me a favor and stand lookout outside in case someone comes?"
"On it!" Odette said as she opened the door and poked her head out.
Tori looked inside the machine and found nothing but 7, 9, 17, 42, 52, and 55 balls inside each respective compartment. She started by scooping out the 7 balls and placing them inside the trash bag. After that she took the duffle bag and started to pour some of the real balls inside, using the amount of balls in the next compartment over as a measurement of how many balls she should put in. Once that was done she repeated the process with the next three compartments. Now she was on the penultimate one that had the 52 balls.
"You're doing great, Tori," Edgar said, "Just be careful when pouring those balls in. A lose ball could bounce into one of those lazers and then we'd be in trouble."
"Don't worry, Edgar, I know what I'm doing," Tori said as she poured the real balls into the penultimate compartment.
Odette was still on lookout duty, looking down the hallway that they came from and the hallway that was right next to the room they were in. Odette was thinking that this plan couldn't have gone any better when suddenly she hears a door open on the other side of the hallway that was next to the room they were in. A janitor came out of that room and started to make his way down the hall and right towards them.
"Heads up guys, someone is coming this way!" Odette warned.
"Tori, you might want to speed things along because someone's coming!" Edgar said.
"I'm moving as fast as I can!" Tori said as she quickly started to scoop the balls out of the last compartment and place them in the trash bag. She grabbed the duffle bag and started to pour the last of the real balls inside, but like Edgar warned seconds earlier, Tori was pouring too quick and one of the balls bounced free and started to bounce and roll towards one of the lazer traps. Sure enough, the ball went through one of the lazers and before the three kids knew it alarms were blaring and the lights in the room turned a bright red.
Knowing they can't stick around any longer Tori finished pouring the last of the balls, picked up the bag of rigged balls and ran like hell.
"RUN!" Tori cried as she, Edgar, and Odette bolted from the room, catching the attention of the oncoming janitor.
"Hey, you kids!" The janitor shouted, "You don't belong in there! Security!"
The three kids made it to the lobby where three security guards came out from the elevators.
"There they are!" One of the guards shouted, "Seize them!"
The guards started to come at them and the three kids rushed towards the exit where Sid was still entertaining the doormen.
"Time's up, Sid, we're getting out of here!" Edgar said as Sid followed his friends.
"What the hell?" The first doorman asked.
"Thank you boys, you two have been a great audience!" Sid said as he ran way.
"We've been had!" The second door man shouted.
"Come on, let's go get them!" The first door man shouted and they, along with the three security guards began to chase the four friends down the road.
"Get back here you hooligans!" One of the security guards shouted.
"Quick everyone, to the bus station!" Edgar shouted.
The four friends kicked it into high gear, not letting up on their running for a second, but neither were the security guards and door men. As they ran, Tori made sure to keep a tight grip on the bag of rigged balls while Edgar, Odette, and Sid knocked over any trash cans they came across in order to trip the guards up. Eventually, the bus station was in sight!
"We're almost there, dudes!" Sid said.
"Hurry!" Odette said, "The next bus back home leaves in less than a minute!"
The four kids got the lead out and entered the bus station. By the time they reached their bus, the guards and door men were way behind them. They boarded their bus, got in their seats, and ducked below the windows so if the guards came by they wouldn't notice them. Sure enough, the guards came around but they couldn't find any one of them. Eventually, they just gave up and returned back to FOX studios.
The bus back to Boulder began to leave the station. Edgar, Odette, Tori, and Sid sat back up in their seats and high fived each other.
"Dudes, that was awesome!" Sid exclaimed.
"Yeah," Odette said, "That stuff was like something straight out of an action movie!"
"I can't believe we pulled it off," Tori said looking into the trash bag with the rigged balls, "We saved the lottery and foiled Jacques plans."
"Wait until Felix, Lyra, Junior, and those other guys hear about this," Edgar said.
With their mission accomplished, the four friends sat back and enjoyed their ride back to Boulder.
Back at South Park, Officer Stan Marsh finally made it to South Park Bank. Right when he did however, he saw a black van speed off. Some of his comrades were seen shooting at it, aiming for the tires, and missing.
"They're getting away!" Stan heard an onlooker say from inside his police car.
"Not if I have anything to say about it!" Stan said to himself as he turned his police siren back on and quickly gave chase.
Stan sped down the street with fire in his eyes and determination overwhelming his soul. He quickly caught up with the van and he was close enough that he could read the van's license plate whose numbers read 0051.
Stan grabbed his vehicle's microphone and started to speak over its loud speaker! "Pull over right now! Stop in the name of the law!" He shouted.
Stan noticed the driver's side window roll down and a hand stuck out giving him the middle finger.
"Oh I see how it is!" Stan said.
Stan sped up and now he was driving alongside the van in the left lane. He veered right and tried to run the van off the road, but that caused the van to retaliate by veering left in an attempt to run Stan off the road. It was an absolute war of attrition, neither driver was giving an inch to the other.
"This is getting me nowhere," Stan thought to himself as he was trying to think of what to do next. Eventually, Stan came up with the perfect idea. He slowed down so he was behind the van once again and he took out his gun and started shooting at the tires of the van while he was driving. He had six bullets in his gun and he missed with the first five. With only one bullet remaining, Stan took the final shot and it landed a direct hit on the van's left rear tire.
The tire damage combined with the speed the van was going resulted in its driver losing control. The van crashed right into a lamp post and was left smoking.
Stan drove up to the wreckage just as other dispatcher caught up with him and the bank robbers. Stan got out of his car and came up to the van. He looked inside to find three thugs moaning in pain from the crash. The driver just glared at Stan in defeat and annoyance as he showed him his badge and took out some handcuffs.
"You boys have the right to remain silent," Stan began giving the thugs their rights, "Anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law."
Back at the convenience store, Felix and company are still trying to score some lottery tickets. Their latest play had Junior and Paul enter the store and head to the back where the refrigerators that held bottled beverages were. Junior took a bottle of water from one of the refrigerators and poured some on the floor.
"Are you ready for this, man?" Junior asked his friend.
"Ready as I'll ever be," Paul said as he laid down on the floor.
Junior jumped up and landed on his feet with a loud thud to simulate someone falling down. The moment Junior's feet touched the ground, Paul started to scream bloody murder catching the clerk's attention. The clerk immediately left his position and ran to the source of the screaming. Felix was looking in through the window and saw that the clerk had left. He motioned for him, Mimi, Cici, and Chelsea to go inside and get lottery tickets while the clerk was distracted.
When the four kids entered the store they sneaked behind the counter and tried to print out some lottery ticket. Meanwhile, the clerk was catering to Paul.
"Oh my God, what happened?!" The clerk asked.
"I saw it, sir," Junior said, "There was a wet spot on the floor. My friend slipped, fell, and hit his head."
"Didn't anyone tell you to put out the wet floor signs for stuff like this?!" Paul cried, faking his injury.
"I didn't know the floor was wet! I'm sorry!" The clerk cried.
"Everything's going dark," Paul said, taking his charade one step further, "I feel so cold!"
"No, my guy, don't go towards the light!" Junior said playing along.
"Grandpa? Is that you?" Paul asked, making sure to add a cough for good measure "Don't worry, I'll be there soon enough…Rosebud."
Paul pretended to pass out and Junior began to 'fake' cry.
"NOOOOOOOO!" Junior cried.
"Oh my God, don't die on me kid!" The clerk shouted, "I gotta call 911!"
"Wait, wait!" Junior said, stopping the clerk from finding his friends trying to get lottery tickets, "Shouldn't you try CPR first or something?"
"CPR isn't going to help a head injury, young man!" The clerk cried, "This boy needs an ambulance!"
The clerk turned around to find Felix, Mimi, Cici, and Chelsea trying to get lottery tickets.
"What the hell are you kids doing?!" The clerk shouted angrily
"Oh crap!" Cici cried.
"The jig is up, boys, run!" Felix shouted causing Paul to get up and stop faking his death.
The six kids ran out of the store and the clerk yelled after them.
"If I catch either of you brats in my store again I will call the police and you will all be banned from this store for life!" The clerk screamed.
The kids rejoined Linday, Larry, and Barry across the street.
"Aw man we were so close!" Chelsea lamented.
"Maybe we should call it quits you guys," Barry said, "We've tried every plan we can think of and they all failed."
"I will never give up!" Felix said, "When the dust settles I will get my lottery ticket!"
"But you heard what he said," Paul said, "If he catches us in there again he'll place a lifetime ban on all of us."
"I can't be banned from that store for the rest of my life," Larry said, "Especially since that store serves the best hot dogs in town."
"Hold on one minutes, guys," Lindsay said, "Am I the only one who noticed that Lyra is missing?"
"Huh, yeah" Mimi said taking notice, "Where did she go anyway?"
"Over here, guys!" Lyra called. She was walking up to the group with Ike Broflovski by our side.
"Hi, Uncle Ike," Felix said
"'Sup, kids," Ike greeted, "Lyra tells me you all could use my help."
"Lyra, how is Ike going to help us?" Chelsea asked.
"They won't give lottery tickets to people under 18, right?" Lyra asked, "So I figured why not get someone like Ike who is 23 years old to buy the tickets for us."
"That's actually a pretty good idea!" Felix said, "Thanks for offering to help us, Uncle Ike."
"Anytime kids," Ike said, "So are there any specific numbers you want me to pick."
"Any numbers will do, right guys?" Felix asked his friends and they all agreed.
"Okay, I'm going in, wish me luck." Ike said as he made his way to the store.
"Godspeed you beautiful Canadian!" Lindsay shouted after him.
Ike entered the store and went straight for the man behind the counter.
"Good afternoon, sir, how may I help you?" The clerk greeted.
"Hello, sir," Ike began, "I would like 10 of your lottery tickets for tonight's drawing, please."
Hearing what Ike wanted made the clerk sigh in annoyance and put his thumb and pointer finger on the bridge of his nose.
"How many times am I going to have to deal with this today?" The clerk groaned.
"I don't know what you're talking about, sir." Ike said.
"You can drop the act. I know you're trying to buy tickets for these brats that have been harassing me all afternoon." The clerk said.
"Well I'm sorry to hear that, sir," Ike said, "But no these tickets are for me and only me."
"Then why are one of those kids looking in on us as we speak!?" The clerk angrily pointed at the window where Felix was trying to look in on what was happening.
"Felix!" Ike shouted.
"Is he getting the tickets?" Felix asked from outside?
"Well he's not going to now," Ike said annoyed.
"I never was, nor will I ever give these children tickets!" The clerk exclaimed causing Felix to go back into the store and confront him.
"Alright, that's it!" Felix began his little tirade, "I am just sick and tired of this system putting me and my friends down because we're too young to do a certain thing! All I want is 10 lottery tickets so we can have a chance to win $5.3 billion, and you're elitist mug is up in here turning us down at every turn. We just want tickets so we can be treated like reasonable adults, is that so much to ask?"
"Okay, you know what, fuck it!" The clerk gave up as he prepared to print out some lottery tickets, "I actually hate this job anyway so if I get fired for giving underage kids some lottery tickets, then hey, it's a blessing in disguise!"
"So you'll actually give us some tickets?" Felix asked.
"Sure, whatever, just please leave me alone." The clerk bemoaned, "I hope I never see you or your friends ever again."
Felix cheered and high fived his uncle, and a few minutes later the two left the store with ten lottery tickets in hand.
"We got some lottery tickets!" Felix cheered which caused his other nine friends to cheer.
"Step right up and take your ticket everyone," Ike said as he passed lottery tickets to everyone.
"Heck yeah!" Larry smiled.
"Thanks for your help, Uncle Ike," Felix thanked.
"My pleasure kids, peace!" Ike said as he and the 10 kids went their separate ways.
As the 10 kids walked they decided to converse.
"My father is holding a viewing party of sorts for the lottery drawing tonight at his restaurant if you guys want to go," Chelsea said.
"Heck yeah, Chel," Lindsay said, "I love your father's cooking."
Felix just stared at his ticket with the biggest smile on his face.
"Just think guys," Felix said, "Any one of these tickets could very well be the one that'll give us $5.3 billion dollars. I feel like mine is the winning ticket, I know it is."
"Don't forget that just about everyone else in Colorado is playing," Lyra said, "I just don't want you to be disappointed when you lose."
"You mean if I lose." Felix said before quickly changing the subject, "You know this thought just occurred to me. If one of us wins what are you all going to spend your winnings on. I mean $5.3 billion dollars is a lot of money. We could do practically anything in the world with that kind of money."
"Why don't you go first Felix," Mimi said, "What would you do with that kind of money?"
"Well I don't know about you, but I'm going to buy a big freaking yacht!" Felix answered.
Felix's Imagine Spot
Felix talks about his yacht fantasy to the tune of Lonely Island's "I'm on a Boat!" He imagines himself on the front of the boat, arms wide open like Leonardo DiCapprio on the set of Titanic. The yacht is shown to be named the S.S Felix.
"My yacht will the fanciest, most amazing yacht you'll ever lay your eyes on." Felix said.
Felix imagined himself break dancing on the front of the boat and then jumping off a diving board of the swimming pool located at the back of the yacht. The pool has tiles that read Felix's initials, FB
"I want to make it an absolute party boat," Felix said, "There's going to be a dance floor in the front and a swimming pool in the back."
Felix then imagined himself sliding down a water slide and into the ocean.
"But if I want to drop anchor for a bit and swim in some water that's a bit bigger there's going to be a water slide that goes right into the ocean," Felix said.
Felix is then shown going inside where a whole staff of workers are ready to cater to his every whim. One of the workers gives Felix a towel to dry off as another one hands him a grilled cheese all while the other workers clean the yacht. Felix sits down in a big lounge chair and receives a foot massage from a female worker.
"Inside the boat are a whole bunch of people ready to do exactly what I say exactly when I say it," Felix said.
Felix is now shown relaxing in a huge hot tub in the bathroom of the yacht.
"There's going to be a huge hot tub located right in the yacht's master bathroom, complete with jets and dancing waters," Felix described, "My bath nights are going to be so awesome! And it will all culminate to a nice night's sleep in my master bedroom.
Felix is finally shown retreated to the yacht's master bedroom where one of the workers hands him a fluffy white bathrobe which he graciously puts on. Felix lays down on the huge king sized bed and turns on his 72 inch T.V to watch Spider-Man Into the Spiderverse. Felix smiles big and lays back to enjoy the movie.
End Imagine Spot
"Life is going to be that much sweeter when I win that cash!" Felix said.
"That sounds awesome, dude!" Junior said.
Felix looked over at Lyra next, "So, Lyra, how about you? What'll you spend your winnings on?"
Lyra wasted no time in answering.
"I'm actually going to be pretty smart with my money," Lyra began, "With $5.3 billion, I can get into any college in the world. Yale, Harvard, Princeton, Brown, Cornell, I could probably even get into Oxford with money like that. So yeah, that's probably what I'd do with that money."
"College, Lyra, are you serious?" Larry said, unimpressed, "Of all the things you could spend your winnings on, you choose literally the most generic and predictable answer you could pick."
"You think you're so smart, Larry, then tell me what you'd spend your winnings on?" Lyra snapped.
"Well, I'd honestly save my money-" Larry began.
"Saving your money?" Lyra said, "Yeah, who has the most generic answer now?"
"Let me finish!" Larry said, "I'd like to save my money so that when I turn 18 I can buy a motorcycle and ride it all around America!"
Larry's Imagine Spot
Set to the tune of Canned Heat's 'Going Up the Country' an 18 year old Larry is seen driving down a country road on a nice red and black Harley-Davidson. The next thing we see are a photo montage of all the places Larry has been.
Las Vegas: Larry posing in front of Caesar's Palace.
Niagara Falls: Larry getting soaked on the 'Maid of the Mist' Tour.
Los Angeles: Larry posing in front of the Hollywood sign.
Seattle: Larry staring in awe at the Space Needle.
New Orleans: Larry having fun at Mardi Gras, tons of beads around his neck
Orlando: Larry posing in front of the globe at Universal Studios
Indianapolis: Larry cheering at the Indy 500 races.
Larry is shown at the end of the montage riding off into the sunset for his next location.
End Imagine Spot
"That sounds awesome, Larry," Felix said before turning to Chelsea, "So, Chel, what would you spend the money on?"
"That's easy, Felix," Chelsea said, "I'd spend it all on my very own candy cellar."
"A candy cellar?" Paul questioned.
"Yeah, you know, a place where I can store my candy," Chelsea said, "I can see it now, underneath my house is a room with barrels full of candy stacked up against the walls. Chocolate candy, chewy candy, hard candy, nutty candy, foreign candy, all of the candy! My mouth is watering just thinking about it!"
"That does sound good," Paul said, "Will you be willing to share some of that candy?"
"That depends, are you willing to tell us what you'd do with the money?" Chelsea asked.
"I thought you'd never ask," Paul said, "To be honest though, I'd use the money for good and share the wealth with my family."
"How would you do that?" Lindsay asked.
"Nothing against the house we moved into, but I would use the money to buy me and my family a bigger and better house," Paul said, "My parents are great people and even though my sister Carrie can be annoying, I love her just as much as my parents do. They deserve the world and then some. Honestly, it makes me happy to see them happy."
Paul's Imagine Spot
Set to Everclear's 'I Will Buy You a New Life,' Paul presents Butters, Millie, and Carrie with a huge mansion. His parents and sister have looks of pure happiness on their faces and they give Paul the biggest hug they could muster, so hard it got hard for him to breath.
Paul takes his mother Millie to a greenhouse in the back of the mansion that's stocked with fresh vegetables and very pretty flowers. Millie looks around in awe and amazement.
Paul opens a door to show Carrie her room stocked with a vast assortment of toys and games. He leads her inside and they play dolls, play some board games, and even have a tea party.
Paul is exercising with Butters in the mansion's weight room, Paul giving his father encouragement as he lifts really heavy weights.
Paul, Carrie, Millie, and Butters are shown making dinner together in the mansion's huge kitchen and having fun while doing it.
The four are then shown in the mansion's game room. Paul and Butters are playing billards with Millie and Carrie are playing foosball.
The last bit in this montage is the family watching 'Moana' on a huge T.V in the mansion's living room.
End Imagine Spot
"That's very noble of you, Paul," Cici said, "But I bet I could top it."
"Okay, Cici, fire away." Paul said.
"Well with $5.3 billion dollars, you can quite literally change the world," Cici said, "I personally want to put most, if not all, of my winnings towards cancer research. See, thyroid cancer runs on my mother's side of the family and sometimes I would wonder what would happen should my mom, Mimi, or even if I get cancer. I want to give my winnings to support cancer research not only for my family but for everyone unfortunate enough to catch such an awful disease."
"Another generic answer," Larry said, "Bo-ring!"
"Mimi can you do me a favor," Cici asked calmly.
"What's that?" Mimi asked.
"Hold me back!" Cici shouted as she lunged at Larry. Barry got in between the two as Mimi held her sister back like she said.
"This ain't the Jerry Springer show let's calm down, people!" Barry said.
"Will it help if I tell all of you what I would do with my winnings?" Junior asked.
"Go ahead, Junior," Lyra said to her cousin.
"Well, my use for the money will also be pretty noble," Junior began, "As I'm sure you all know my mom and Mr. Oppenheimer have gotten really close these past few months and I'd like to use that money so they can go to Paris for a couple of days, just the two of them, so they can get even closer."
Junior's Imagine Spot
Set to Jason Mraz's 'Lucky' we catch a glimpse at the dream vacation to Paris Junior wants to give to his mother and Cody.
Shelly and Cody are shown smiling and taking a selfie in front of the Arc de Triomphe.
The next spot the couple visits is the Louvre where they admire and take pictures in front of the works of art present there.
The couple then stops off at a clothing store where Shelly tries on numerous dresses and Cody compliments her on each and every one of them. Shelly, not sure which one to buy, is happy when Cody buys every single dress she likes so she doesn't have to pick favorites.
Shelly and Cody are now seen watching the sun set from atop the Eifel Tower.
It's now nightfall and Shelly and Cody are enjoying a nice dinner cross on the Seine River. The couple are feeding each other their meals before they lean in for a kiss, but the imagine spot ends before they can lock lips.
End Imagine Spot
"Ah, Paris, how romantic," Cici said having calmed down from hearing Junior's vision for the money.
"Never realized how altruistic some of us are," Lindsay said, "My idea for the money is kind of greedy."
"It can't be any greedier than Felix or Chelsea's," Lyra said.
"Oh it is," Lindsay said, "Because if I win the money I want to reinvent South Park in my image and become the new mayor."
"Reinvent South Park?" The other nine kids asked.
"Yup," Lindsay said, "I'm talking huge statues of me on every street corner, parades and parties held every day in my honor, schools being torn town with carnivals built in their place, a shoe store on every block, and all restaurants serving only my favorite foods. And to those who don't like this new way of life I instill on everyone will be sent to a work camp where they will be forced to make paintings of me. I shall call my new utopia 'Lindstopia'."
Lindsay's nine friends weren't sure what to say to any of that, but Larry was the first to speak up.
"Okay, so let me get this straight, your plan with the money is to become a dictator," Larry said.
"Dictator is such an ugly word," Lindsay said, "I think of it more as a society where I'm the boss and everyone must adhere to my every demand."
"That is literally a dictatorship," Paul said.
"Who knew Lindsay possessed such great darkness in her heart," Cici said.
"Hey, how often do I have the upper hand on anyone?" Lindsay said, "If I win the lottery I wish to take full advantage of every single penny I get."
"While we all try and process Lindsay's dystopia, who wants to hear my plans for the money?" Mimi asked causing all of her friends to nod, "Okay, here me out…I want a pony."
Mimi's Imagine Spot
Set to Rednex's 'Cotton-Eyed Joe,' we see the things Mimi would do with her pony.
First, she would ride the pony all the way to school, impressing all of her peers. She ties the reigns of the horse to the bike parking area and gives the horse a whole bowl full of carrots before going into the school.
Next, we see two drag racers ready to race down a road and then Mimi comes up on her horse. When the light turns green the cars take off, but Mimi's horse runs so fast that they outrun both cars.
The last thing she would do is enter the horse into rodeos and horse shows. Mimi and her horse would do all kinds of tricks and the audience would cheer and throw roses as a result.
End Imagine Spot
"I shall call her Blossom and she shall be mine, and she shall be my Blossom," Mimi said.
"Yee-haw!" Junior said in response to Mimi's plan for the money.
"Alright, Barry, you're the only one who hasn't told us their plan for the money," Larry said to his brother, "So what are you going to do?"
"Well, to be honest, I don't really think I want or need anything right now," Barry said, "So I'll probably just store it all in the bank for safe keeping."
"You're joking right?" Larry said.
"Not really," Barry said, "I'll never know when something will happen where I'll need a vast sum of money, so it's nice to know I have a little nest egg for when something happens. Maybe I'll save it for when I turn 18 and I can move out of the house. Maybe I'll invest in lasik surgery so I can ditch these glasses of mine once and for all. So yeah, that's my answer, I'm gonna save it."
"Come on dude if you're going to save your money for later at least make sure it's going to go towards something cool," Larry said.
"Leave him alone, Larry," Lyra said, "How about we all just agree that we all have different plans for the money and leave it at that?"
"And if we can all agree on one thing it's that we hope Lindsay doesn't win because she's going to turn 2020 into 1984," Cici said.
Everybody laughed at that statement, even Lindsay.
"We should all probably head back to our homes," Felix said, "I know for a fact my folks are wondering where I am."
"That goes double for me," Chelsea said, "Are we all going to meet up at my daddy's restaurant for the lottery viewing party?"
"You bet, girl," Lindsay said.
"Alright then, I'll see you all later tonight," Chelsea said.
"Bye, guys!" Everyone said as everyone went their separate ways.
When Stan returned to the precinct to clock out of his shift he was met with wondrous applause. Everyone there had heads of his heroic exploit earlier that afternoon and the chief of police came up to congratulate him and mention how he decided to throw in an extra $50 in his paycheck this week for his hard work and dedication.
Stan left his shift a happy and proud man. He punched out and got in his car to head over to Clyde's restaurant for the lottery viewing party. He figured that even if he wasn't playing the lottery, he should at least be a supportive boyfriend and support Bebe and her willingness to play.
As he drove, for some reason he couldn't get the numbers he saw today out of his head: The $24 needed for his and Bebe's lunch, The $32 for gas and the 8 cents that went with it, the code 211 he got about the bank robbery, and to top it all off the license plate number on the van reading 0051.
Stan wondered if this is fate's way of telling him to do the lottery just this one time and those are the numbers he should pick. Stan let out a sigh of defeat and pulled up to a convenience store, the same one that his daughter and her friends tried to score lottery tickets of their own earlier that day, and went inside to purchase a ticket.
When Stan went inside, he saw the clerk massaging his temples to try and get over his stresses of the day.
"Long day, eh?" Stan asked the disgruntled clerk.
"You don't know the half of it, sir," The clerk said, "How can I help you?"
"I would like a lottery ticket, please," Stan said.
"Very well," The clerk said, almost cringing when he heard the term 'lottery ticket', "Would you like to pick your numbers or would you like random ones?"
"Give me the numbers 2, 8, 11, 24, 32, and 51 please," Stan said.
"Certainly," The clerk said as he typed the numbers out on his computer and printed up his ticket, "Here you go."
"Thank you, sir." Stan said as he grabbed his ticket.
With his ticket stowed away in his pocket, Stan went back into his car and drove off for Clyde's restaurant.
When Stan arrived at Clyde's restaurant all of his family, friends, and their families have gathered at the restaurant and are currently waiting for the lottery numbers to be called.
"Hey, look fellas, Stan's here!" Butters called out.
Everybody greeted Stan, with the likes of Bebe, Lyra, Shelly, Junior, Sharon, Randy, Helen, and Jeffrey coming up to him personally.
"So are you trying for the lottery, son?" Randy asked.
"For once I actually am," Stan said as he took his ticket out of his pocket.
"What made you change your mind, Stan?" Bebe asked.
"I don't know if it was fate but I kept seeing these numbers throughout my day and I decided to play them in case it was some kind of sign," Stan said.
"It could be a sign, it could not, but the only way to know for sure is if you try," Jeffrey said.
"Dad, Junior and I are going to hang out with our friends at that table over there," Lyra pointed to a table where the rest of Lyra and Junior's crew are.
"Okay, sweetie, have fun," Stan said.
"You too, Junior," Shelly said to her son.
"Thanks mom," Junior said as he and Lyra made their way to their friends.
At the kids' table the older kids take out their tickets and make sure to keep them out of view of their parents/grandparents.
"It's almost time, guys, I can't wait!" Chelsea said, "My numbers are the ones, I know it!"
The other nine older kids shared her sentiments by nodding with Felix is humming 'I'm On a Boat' fantasizing about winning the lottery.
Suddenly, the FOX 31 jingle came on, signifying the start of the lottery drawing.
"This is it, people!" Clyde shouted, "Get your tickets out!"
Everybody quickly pulled out their lottery tickets, huge smiles of excitement on their faces as the newscaster, Michael Konopasek, prepares to speak.
"Good evening, Colorado, I'm Michael Konopasek" Michael greeted, "We begin our program tonight by announcing the winning numbers for the $5.3 billion lottery prize. So grab your tickets and say a prayer or two because here we go!"
Someone from off camera hands Michael a piece of paper with the winning numbers.
"Our trusty air mix machine just picked the numbers and here they are, Colorado" Michael began, "Your winning numbers are 2…8…11…24…32, and the final number is…61!"
Everyone at the restaurant looked at their lottery tickets and everyone let out groans of disappointment after seeing that they don't have the winning numbers. Not even the 10 kids who had a lottery ticket had the winning numbers.
"Aw man, no luck!" Barry said as Larry angrily rips up his ticket.
"Cancer lives to see another day," Cici said bitterly.
"My boat!" Felix cried.
"My pony!" Mimi cried.
Lyra left her nine friends to wallow in sorrow and disappointment as she went to her father was just staring at his ticket in disbelief.
"How'd you do, dad?" Lyra asked.
"I don't believe it," Stan said befuddled, "I got every number but one!"
Stan showed his daughter his ticket.
"I chose 51 for my last number but it turned out to be 61!" Stan said, "So close and yet so far away."
Lyra only hugged her dad and said, "It's okay, daddy, if it means anything you've got loads of other things to prove that you're lucky."
"I guess you're right, Lyra," Stan said immediately perking up, "I have you, I have my parents, I have Bebe, I have so many great friends, I have a great job, I have my health. I basically have the things that not many people have. For having a loving family, a successful career, and the ability to get out of bed in the morning without any form of assistance I should feel blessed. Who needs $5.3 billion when I have all of you?"
"That's the spirit, Stan," Bebe said overhearing Stan's talking. Bebe joined Stan and Lyra in a group hug and everyone else just stared at them happily. The peace was broken when Michael Konopasek came back on T.V
"I apologize everyone, I seem to have made a mistake in regards to the last number," Michael said, "I just misread it is all. I really need to get glasses. The boss is really going to let me have it. Anyway, the real last number is….51!"
Stan quickly looked down at his lottery ticket and saw that he got all six numbers. He looked back at the T.V and saw the numbers flash on screen: 2, 8, 11, 24, 32, 51, and then back at the ticket.
"I…I…I…I…I WON THE FREKAING LOTTERY!" Stan screamed causing everyone in the restaurant to cheer! $5.3 BILLION DOLLARS IS ALL MINE!"
"You did it, daddy, I can't believe it!" Lyra said.
"Well I'll be," Kenny said watching his friend celebrate, "A loving family, successful job, lots of friends, his health, and now loads of cash."
"Stan might just be the luckiest man in South Park," Lola said.
"Now that Stan hit the lottery, Bebe better make sure she keeps him." Sally said.
"Yeah, with money like that she could be set for life," Tweek concurred.
This was a great night for the town of South Park. Stan Marsh, a beloved member of the community, captain of the U.S Marines, devoted father to Lyra, loving boyfriend to Bebe, and wonderful step-father to Felix, Isabella, and Matthew had won the $5.3 billion lottery. By the end of the night, Stan knew that everything would be smooth sailing for him from here on out.
But what about Jacques who thought he successfully rigged the lottery?
Well, much like everyone else, when the time came he sat in front of his T.V with his lottery ticket in hand to watch the winning numbers be called and…
"Your winning numbers are 2…8…11…24…32, and the final number is…61!"
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Jacques screamed.
Jacques went into the corner of the room, curled up in a ball, and cried in defeat, completely unaware of Edgar, Tori, Odette, and Sid's meddling in his affairs.
(Cue Don't Think Twice by Hikaru Utada)
(How did I live in a kingdom of thieves? And people who say things they don't really mean?)
(It's a sunny day and Wendy and Stan are dancing together outside and right next to them are Kyle and Bebe, who are also dancing. Suddenly, the sunny skies turn stormy and Wendy is ripped away from Stan, and Kyle is ripped away from Bebe, both couples trying in vein to reach out to one another. Wendy and Kyle go up into the sky, can the ground gives weight for Stan and Bebe to fall down)
(You're only everything I ever dreamed. Ever dreamed of, ever dreamed of)
(As Stan and Bebe fall, they are enveloped by a red colored paint type substance. Behind the paint is a shadowy figure. It smiles evilly. This figure is one of Jacques Brodeur)
(You must be kidding me, did you really think I could say no?)
(Stan's daughter Lyra, and Bebe's son Felix are running through a grassy plain and two balls of light fall from the sky. The light balls reveal themselves as Wendy and Kyle, who hold their hands out to their children)
(I want you for a lifetime. So if you're gonna think twice, baby. I don't wanna know, baby, I don't wanna know)
(Cartman is standing in front of a statue of a heart. He pulls out a gun and shoots it, causing it to break. Shelly then appears and collapses to the ground, heartbroken)
(Everything is just right. But if you're gonna think twice, baby. I don't wanna know, baby, I don't wanna know)
(Sometime later, Cody Oppenheimer finds the broken pieces of the heart and puts them back together)
(I really don't get what everyone else believes. So why do I say things I don't really mean, really mean.)
(Late at night, Lola and Kenny are in bed. But while Lola is sleeping, Kenny is looking up more information about the crystals he heard about in war)
(I'm only crying 'cause I never dreamed. It'd take this long, it'd take this long)
(Kenny thinks about General Rakish with the big purple crystal floating over him. Suddenly, eight more smaller crystals circle around the big purple one: A red one, a blue one, a green one, a gold one, a pink one, an orange one, a white one, and a black one)
(I want you for a lifetime. So if you're gonna think twice, baby. I don't wanna know, baby, I don't wanna know.)
(General Rakish turns into another villain, Carlos Murciélago. The crystals are still floating over him, and the background changes to the grassy plain from before. The main adults and children are watching in horror at the sight before them)
(Everything is just right. But if you're gonna think twice, baby. I don't wanna know, baby, I don't wanna know)
(Carlos summons a demon warship from out of nowhere and easily takes out the adults and younger children, much to the older children's horror)
(Don't think twice, don't think twice. Don't think twice, baby, don't think twice)
(The children are crying and look like they're going to lose hope when an astral projection of Sir Justice appears. The sight of the unknown hero inspires the children to not give up and put the villain down. The children and Sir Justice charge at Carlos and the warship)
(If you want to take it to an even higher level. All you gotta do is say the word, you know I'll follow. If you wanna take it to an even higher level. I don't, I don't bite)
(Outside of the dream, Isabella Broflovski is looking at a picture of Kyle. Behind him Stan places a hand on her shoulder, which Isabella brushes off and walks away)
(If you want to make it happen, nothing's impossible. All you gotta do is say the word, the walls will crumble. If you want to make it happen, nothing's impossible)
(Shelly gets up from her heartbreak and finds Cody holding a hand out to pick her up. Shelly grabs Cody's hand and we cut to the next scene)
(I want you for a lifetime. So if you're gonna think twice, baby. I don't wanna know, baby, I don't wanna know)
(Stan and Jacques are fighting for Bebe's affections)
(Everything is just right. But if you're gonna think twice, baby. I don't wanna know, baby, I don't wanna know)
(Felix and Lyra are in a dark area, the look behind them to find a older, dying boy in a hospital bed. This boy is named Byron. Lyra and Felix try and run to the hospital bed to see him, but once again, the ground gives weight and the two kids fall into darkness)
(Kiss me once, kiss me twice, kiss me three times. Cross the line)
(Stan and Bebe are alone on a hill somewhere admiring the sunset. The two of them look into each other's eyes before making a move to kiss each other)
(Don't think twice, don't think twice. Don't think twice, baby, don't think twice)
(Cut to night time on that same hill where the Marshes, Broflovskis, Donovans, Tweaks, Tuckers, Cartmans, Stotches, McCormicks, and Oppenheimers are looking up at a full moon. Some of the kids are asleep, but those who are awake are enjoying the company and the beauty of the night sky)