A/N: Cartmans remaining hours on Mars start here. Enjoy.
2: Sol 35,520
RETURN SHIP LAUNCHES IN 19 HOURS
VIDEO CAMERA ACTIVATED.
"This is Eric Cartman recording Day 29 or in Actuality SOL 35,520, my exile here is nearing an end as the last few days has seen a flurry of activity getting the return ship set to launch. Matt Damon had it so much easier, at least he didn't burn off the bulk of his weight eating Martian potatoes grown in his own shit. I've gotten more mobile due to the diet and have been able to comb over the bulk of the logs sent by Musk and a few by Heidi herself before all communication from South Park stooped on March 7, 2017. From what they divulge South Park no longer exists and the internet has had a great reset. I don't know what I'm going to find the second I land back on Earth but, as much as I would love to remain on mars 1210 months seems like enough."
Mom's picture now came into my head as I turned the camera off while looking out the hub window at the ship. I Know she'll not have survived no matter what went down with Troll Trace. The guys too, especially Kenny. I wondered whatever happened to them. All that notion gave me something to ponder as I went back into my prescheduled routines.
17 Hours Later.
"Karen how long until we are set for launch?"
FINAL CHECKS ARE BEING COMPLETED NOW
One last look at the hub as I traced out my handprint on the bubble lined wall each one marked with a major goal I got done during this month. On this final day I had the perfect words in mind.
"Screw you MARS I'm GOING HOME"
One picture saved to the laptop later and I get a beep notification from Karen.
ALL SYSTEMS ARE OPERATIONAL COUNTDOWN STANDS AT 110 MINUTES TO LAUNCH
"Thank you, Karen, Well If I have to say my final words to you now it will have to be these…"
ERIC THE PLEASURE HAS BEEN MINE YOU MAY NOW PROCEED TO SUIT UP
After one last meal I began shutdown procedures for the Hub AI system with the exception of a small tablet that Karen kept referring to as a sheikah slate. Whatever that is, now my face on the other hand, for 111 I don't look that bad having been on Mars that long. Locking my suit into place my final journey home was now set to begin.
"Goodbye Mars…"
In the depressurization chamber my mind pictured what happened to Matt Damon hoping to hell that doesn't occur again.
"Short walk to the shuttle no worriers…."
Yet my mind was now on home…. Karen mentioned that it would be another 18 months back, so I'll be even older. Each climb up the shuttle latter made me think about the care Heidi and Musk put into this. Now the main hatch had the console that was even more automated then Karen so all I had to do was sit back and relax.
"Road Trip!"
20 Seconds Later and the thrust of the rockets ascended me out of the atmosphere. A couple quick pics of the planet via the slate and I pointed the camera back my way to do a final summary.
"Eric Cartman with a final report from the Martian upper atmosphere. Have trusted my safety with a robotic autopilot that should get me the rest of the way home. Small capsule with barley a space to play some movies and shows from the past century. Earth especially South Park, will be a mystery for me as I make my return somehow, I feel like an alien coming back to earth or more accurately landing on another planet altogether. My 18 Month journey home is about to get underway, the cosmos await for me so I'll cut this short…"
The twin moons of the red planet began to dim as my view showed nothing before me but open space.
"This Is Eric Cartman signing off from the…you know I never did get a name for my shuttle…How about the USS Turner…"
Off went the slate and out of my way went my problems.
A/N: Cartman arrives in a brand new world for him at least in Chapter 3: Touchdown. As Always Subscribe for more.