Yes, the story is essentially turning out to be crack, but I'm hoping to interlace some interesting scenarios as well. After all, eventually the novelty will wear out, and the cast will begin to adapt...
Through a Half-Breed's Eyes
Well, all I can say is that I made it to late February before I couldn't handle it any more.
I've finally got tired of waiting, and stole Ginny's diary while she was asleep. A quick examination revealed it to be pretty much solid magic, but nothing that'd directly harm me. Also, it wasn't her diary, it was someone by the initials T. M. Riddle.
Writing in it revealed an intelligence of sort. And by sort, I mean that the diary immediately asked who I was. I replied Ginny Weasley, of course. It immediately erased all ink on the page, and called me a liar.
Assuming that the magic within the diary acted as an organiser, I began attempting to access whatever was written a couple of days ago.
By the time I started asking it where 'I' had hid the bodies, the diary had stopped responding to my prodding, and had begun returning nothing but obscenities.
It was then that I came to several conclusions.
One, the diary was probably sentient, and was aware that I was not Ginny Weasley
Two, I hate that diary.
I returned the diary back to Ginny's possession.
Ginny hit me with a spell again today.
I am beginning to lose patience with this.
However, I'm not willing to directly harm her, nor am I willing to blow my cover just to scare her straight.
Seeing no other choice, I tracked down potentially the largest potential gold mine in the entire building.
I asked the Weasley Twins for knowledge on how to prank their sister.
Sure, they were confused about my urge to do so, but a quick explanation of returning the favor for a bunch of hexes (I think they were hexes...), and they were willing to listen to my plea.
A couple of ideas later, I eventually settled upon potions.
Also, vandalism.
Mother taught me an important lesson a while ago.
When doing something stupid, ensure that it is SO stupid, that no sane individual would ever believe it to have happened. If the plan is daring, idiotic, and embarrassing enough, and if the victim would rather die than admit the details, then you have truly succeeded.
And thus my current plan was hatched.
In three days, I'll begin operation Stonebound Novel.
The details are simple.
One: Ginny is far too attached to her diary.
Two: I hate that piece of crap. It is also sentient. It also absorbs anything applied to its pages.
Three: Luna Lovegood (The creepy girl from earlier this year) is obviously under the influence of something.
Four: No one would believe if I was accused of using potions against a diary.
I have no idea what will happen, but at this point, even petty, worthless revenge would make me feel better now. I'm within arm's reach of just straight up killing her.
Stealing Lovegood's 'medicine' was easier than I expected.
Mostly because all I had to do was mention at breakfast that I was looking for something that Lovegood owned aloud, and several Ravenclaw seniors wandered over to me to assist.
Three minutes of explanation later, and their faces light up, before hastily agreeing to help. I mentally pat myself on the back: I didn't even need to break into the Ravenclaw dorms!
One of the seniors, Cho Chang, returned to me with a small, murky vial labelled 'Take one drop a day' by dinner. I thanked her sincerely, and she nodded back to me with a smile. By my estimates, there's about 100 millilitres in this thing: more than enough for my purposes.
The next step was finishing my new spell. This one's based upon the arcane properties of Glitter.
Glitter follows several rules. These rules are pretty much concrete.
1: Glitter ignores the laws of conservation of mass.
2: Whenever you look away, whenever you look back there will be more glitter than there was before
3: Glitter gets on goddamn everything
4: The more glitter applied to the object, the less willing a living person is willing to associate with said object.
Thus, my new spell conjures a massive amount of sticky, cursed glitter. Cursed, as in it is almost impossible to remove, sticks to anything, and shimmers even in low light. I even managed to alter it to replace any ink applied to the object with even more glitter.
It's absolutely horrifying. I almost pity the book, for what I'm about to do to it.
I'm trying to come up with variants I could use in combat as I write. This has so much potential.
I make my move tomorrow.
Perfect.
Ginny is asleep, with her diary in her arms.
With minimal effort, I was able to pry it out of her grasp, and apply the entirety of Lovegood's medicine to the pages (A thin coat for a few pages, and a thick coat for the inner and outer covers), and do horrible, unspeakable things to the cover with glitter.
Snickering, I put the now-defiled diary back in its previous position. Nothing short of an arcane cleansing ritual will be able to get that glitter off. I might've put a little bit too much mojo into it, however, because my head's a bit lighter than it should be.
I've got a couple of things I need to do before I can call it a night, however.
I think I'll go for a quick walk around the castle.