I'd like to raise a question, to anyone reading this story.
Namely, what is your opinion towards the amount of profanity in this story? I seem to naturally include it, along with other curses, because that apparently is how my internal voice speaks. Is it detrimental? Because if so, it is not a major factor of the story, and can be dropped as needed.
Thank you.
"For the record, this is a horrible idea.".
"Yes, well, I don't see you coming up with a better one."
"Why don't you ask the Ravenclaw then?"
The four students turned to Luna, who only shrugged in indifference. "The High Council of Snorkacks are currently in recess, and cannot answer your questions right now."
Harry groaned, as he rubbed his eyes in annoyance. It had seemed like a brilliant idea…
He frowned.
Honestly, in retrospect it was a stupid idea from the get-go. But with their planning department in detention, and nothing but a group full of angry Gryffindors to communicate with, they had decided through with it anyway.
Luna had of course joined them, mostly for her own personal amusement.
Either way, here they were, right outside of Umbridge's office. Hermione was inside, and had been told absolutely nothing yet, mostly because they were all tired and angry and honestly he hadn't done anything interesting all year and the suspense was starting to drive him crazy.
Usually he'd be attacked by Dementors or entered in a tournament or Skrewts or something. Honestly, it was kind of unnerving.
"Do you have the thingy?" asked Ron, somewhere behind him, as he shuffled his wand from hand to hand, keeping the outer edge pointed at the solid oak door the entire way.
"Yeah." stated Aurelia, somewhere to his right, as she retrieved a vial from a pocket. "For the record, here's to hoping the door's only anchored on the hinges. If it isn't, then this'll only make a lot of noise, and raise a lot of questions."
"Yeah well, if it isn't, then maybe it'll fall on her when she tries to open it." spoke Ginny with a definite snort, from her spot against a wall behind them.
There was a quiet drip drip of the potion spreading onto the metal hinges and the door's edge, before the quiet sizzle of corroding metal became barely audible.
"I never thought I'd ever find a use for Ginny's failed potions, but I guess today's the day." murmured Aura, as she stoppered the now-empty vial once more. There was a loud "Hey?" in return. "Should be cooked by now, so we're good to go."
"On four?" asked Harry, as he took up a position by the door. "Just like we planned, right?"
Ginny turned to the black-haired boy, eyes open in confusion. "What plan?"
"Y'know, the plan." replied Ron gesturing widely. "The plan I'm sure one of you guys has. I know you guys came up with one, you were telling me all about it."
He glanced around the hallway. One by one, the students shook their heads.
"I thought you were the one who came up with it."
"Seriously, Ron?"
"I'm just here to blow things up, Weasley."
"I blame Wrackspurts."
There was a quick exchange of glances, but at this point they had already sabotaged a door frame, and there was no point in trying to back out now. The five took up positions around the door, wands pointed directly towards it.
"Four… Three… Two… One!" counted down Harry, before he launched the strongest Blasting Curse he could at the door.
The other four cast at the same time.
With a near audible hiss, the five spells intersected, before colliding with the door. It exploded with an almighty boom, which rattled the gums of the five, knocking each and every one of them aside.
The poor door, liberated from its hinges, shot through the frame like it was struck by a cannon. Through the settling dust, Harry could briefly see… something.
Still, there was no time to think. They had to take down Umbridge before she could call for backup.
And hopefully before anyone came to figure out what exactly exploded, now that he thought about it.
With a unnecessary silent nod, the five charged into the room, wands ready.
"What is Merlin's name?" murmured Ron, with his eyes wide in terror.
It was like the book in the chamber, except worse.
Every single surface (or at least every surface not covered in dust or debris knocked free from the door) was hot pink, and over three-quarters of the available wallspace was covered in pictures of kittens.
Big kittens, little kittens, all hot pink.
"What… It's like she's trying to be human, but doesn't actually know how to…" murmured Ginny, although only Harry could see her friend pale slightly, before Luna rested a hand against her back.
Only then were they able to take in the situation, although their eyes continued to be drawn to the horrid, chinzy walls.
Namely, inside of the room was a group of terrified Muggleborn, including a rather-furious Hermione.
"What on earth were you thinking?" screamed the irate brunette.
The group had begun to defend themselves, before Hermione cut them off. "That flying door nearly hit one of us!"
The near-target, a young, brunette third-year Hufflepuff boy, nodded his head frantically.
"So." spoke Harry, as he glanced towards the gathered Muggleborn, a group of eight, excluding Hermione. "We're going to sabotage Umbridge's detention schedule, and you guys are free to go, as long as you don't spill that we did this."
There was an instantaneous, unified wave of assent, as the eight beat feet out of the office. It seemed there was little pity to go around for Umbridge.
There was a moment of silence, before a small groan of pain came up from behind where the door was located.
"Urghhh…"
Jolting into action, Harry quickly stunned the prone Professor, before calling over the rest of the group to flip the door off of her.
"Well, on the plus side, the room is mostly undamaged." stated Ron, although he shuddered when his eyes got to the section with the animated kittens. "If you replace the door frame, we're actually in the clear."
Harry stared down at the door for a second, before he called, "Dobby!"
The house-elf popped into place before him, deep in a bow. "Yes, Great Master Harry Potter sir?"
"We… uhh." began Harry, mentally attempting to come up with a lie, before giving up and just giving it to the house-elf straight. "We blew up a door, and dented the wall a bit. Can you fix it?"
Dobby glanced at the door, and then at the empty door frame. "Dobby can do that. Dobby will put the door back up when you leave."
And then the elf disappeared with a pop.
With that matter settled, they turned back to the stunned Professor.
"Sooo… did the door hit her?" asked a rather too-enthusiastic Aura.
"Unfortunately not." the other four stared blankly back at Hermione. "What? She tried to stab me when I started to cast the shield charm to deflect the door. If I hadn't done that, she'd be a splatter on the wall. 'Muggleborns are worthless' my ass.
Not to mention that stupid throat-clearing thing she does. I swear, if I had heard one more 'Hem, Hem', I'd have probably agreed with this plan, just on principle."
Ron blinked slowly. "Stab? Why didn't she try and hex you?"
"Because it seems the Arcanivorous Addlebugs might've been a bit hard on Umbridge." stated Luna.
There were a few blinks around the room, before Aura translated with a sigh. "Umbridge's pretty much a squib."
Only two of the six could hear Luna murmur, "You guys are no fun."
Hermione glanced at the stunned witch. "She's a squib, and she's really this bad? I mean, Filch is mean, but, really?"
"People want what they can't have, and attack those that do." stated Harry. "Not too much different than Malfoy, actually."
"So!" spoke Ginny, as she clapped her hands. "We should probably get out of here as soon as possible. Let's get this show on the road."
With a nod, Luna meandered over to the Professor.
"Memory removal only, please." stated Harry. "We don't want her tracking this back to us."
Luna pouted, but nodded nonetheless. "If you wish her to remain ignorant, than I suppose I can grant that wish…"
"Obliviate!" Luna incanted.
Harry himself had begun to dig through Umbridge's desk, in desperate hope of finding the schedule of Muggleborn in detention.
He found a diary instead, a horrid, hot-pink monstrosity.
"What I'd give for the sword back, right about now." he murmured, as he placed the diary aside for later.
He found the schedule at the bottom of the opposite drawer, underneath a dozen more cat pictures. Shrugging as he moved the pictures aside, he cast an Ink-Removing charm on the schedule, carefully aiming to avoid mussing the lines, before he replaced it back at the bottom of the desk, entirely blank.
While Luna slowly worked through the Memory Charm, and Harry doing his own thing, the remaining four of the group were having a different discussion.
"So… we should probably mess this place up a bit." stated Aura, as she pointed at the
Let's be honest here, no matter where she pointed, she'd likely end up pointing at a cat. Or the horrid walls.
"Why?" asked Ron, scratching his head in confusion.
Hermione looked thoughtful for a moment, before nodding. "Yeah. If we make it look like she got stunned as a prank, and can't remember anything, then it'll look less suspicious than if we… you had just attacked her."
"And then we can blame Fred and George." snorted Ginny. "They'd love to be responsible for this mess. Not like they care if they're expelled either. Mum'll go spare, but they're used to it."
"So… what do we do? We can't just burn this office down." spoke Ron, before he added, "Although the idea is really, really tempting."
"Flip all the picture frames upside down?" ventured Ginny.
"Randomly move the books out of alphabetical order." added Hermione.
"Glamus Perminus." incanted Aura, who had ignored the suggestions, instead choosing to point her wand at one of the many picture frames.
A multi-colored glob of shiny, sticky glitter shot out of the end of her wand, before impacting one of the frames with its radiance. "I'm… not actually sure whether or not this hurts or helps the situation." she admitted, as she ran her hand over the space above her ear.
Ginny giggled slightly. "We should paint the entire office with it. Even the roof and floor. When does it come off?"
"It doesn't. And trying to dispel it just makes it spread." stated Aura.
"That spell is horrible. We are horrible people. We should definitely do it." agreed Hermione, as she prepared her own wand. "What's the wand movement?"
"Sweep left, sweep right, jab." stated Aura, as she painted another square foot. "It's an easy spell though, so if you overpower it you don't really need the movement, and can just jab." Quickly enough, the remaining three joined her.
By the time Luna was done, and Harry was once again able to turn his concentration back to the rest of the room, he was greeted with a strange sight.
The room, already hot-pink, now glimmered with a thousand motes of light, with even the slightest of changes causing a cascade of different colors. This multicolored distortion coated half of the classroom already, and Hermione, Aura, Ginny, and Ron were currently working to extend the area further.
"What are you…" began Harry.
"We're making it look like a prank." stated Ron, hand still moving, but the distraction fizzled his current spell. "Makes it harder to track back to us."
Harry nodded, then quickly gathered the casting specifications from Hermione.
Four minutes later, they left the room, now entirely covered.
Three seconds later, the door returned to its position with a small pop. Dobby soon followed, moving into a deep bow before he disappeared one more.
"Well, that went well." stated Harry, as he stared at the restored door.
"We… should probably get out of here." added Ginny, eyeing the still-empty, but likely to fill at any moment corridor.
"Right."
Dolores Umbridge had a hangover. That much was obvious, at least from the pounding in her head.
The worst bit was, she couldn't remember what she had done last night, nor the night before it. She could feel that she had slept on her desk, which was never comfortable, regardless of how many nights over the years she had done so.
Honestly, she needed to invest in more comfortable desks. Either that, or drink less whiskey.
Yes, the desk was a good idea.
Slowly, she cracked open her eyes, before blearily rubbing them.
When her vision stopped swimming, she slowly rose to her feet, before opening her eyes entirely.
Every surface of her office was coated in a thick layer of glitter.
Her inner princess squealed in joy, although her face betrayed no emotion. Good. Her drunken revel must've been productive this time, then. Usually she ended up burning something down or signing random forms. That had been what had gotten her into this mess, after all. On the plus side, it made sifting through dozens of forms bearable. After all, one does not need to be sober to stamp paperwork. Not like anyone read the damn things anyway.
Nodding towards the englittered picture frames, ceiling, and floor, she absentmindedly reached into her desk, in search of her schedule.
Miracle of miracles, she had a clear schedule!
Smiling the sort of smile only normally seen in rather ugly fish, Umbridge reached her other hand towards where she had stored her diary, only for her hand to grasp nothing.
'Ugh.' she thought, 'Did I leave it at the bar again?'
Slowly and ponderously, she rose to her feet, before beginning to glance both ways. Upon confirming that the room was indeed empty, she slowly skipped her way over to the door, before attempting to open it. Unfortunately, it seemed to be stuck.
Shrugging her shoulders, she pulled a bit harder, and felt something give. Smiling, she closed her eyes, as she continued to pull.
She opened her eyes just in time to watch the wooden door fall towards her. She emitted a strangled cry not unlike a moose falling off a cliff, before it collided with her with a thud.
"Did you tell Dobby to fix the hinges, too?" asked Ron, as they prepared for bed.
Harry thought back for a moment, before shaking his head. "Dobby probably did it anyway. He knows what I mean, most of the time."
"Okay, that's good."