bonus tobirama/fem!izuna; crack ar. idea from a silly chat with friend

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"uncle!"

twenty distinctive voices called from the door. tobirama closed his notes only to find youthful faces swarming his personal library. he opened his mouth to silence them, but they were already on his table, knocking scrolls to the floor as they wailed.

"uncle uncle you promised!"

"mama said you gonna take us–"

"–market! market!"

"goldfiiiiiiiiiish!"

tobirama managed to prevent a five year old girl from eating her own snot, and another boy from eating his ink block. "please be quiet. where are your parents?"

his question was ignored as the youngest among them, a five month old, began crying in the arms of the oldest, a boy of thirteen. his twin brother was sulking away from the rest of the children. tobirama silently repeated his question to him, but he only shrugged.

"uncle uncle come on," a seven year old girl tugged his shirt. who was this kid's name again, sushi? riceball?

"alright, alright," he quickly said, snatching a precious scroll from a curious three year old (was his name takoyaki?), "i'll bring you to the market as long as you behave–"

their erupting cheer drowned the rest of his sentence.

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"taiyaki-chan, where did you get this?"

taiyaki placed a large portion of hot takoyaki to tobirama's arm. the kids around him quickly snatched its contents before he could warn them.

"from the takoyaki stand."

tobirama frowned. "did i give you money?"

taiyaki shook her head. he put two and two together, then sighed. "don't mention your parents' names to him for free stuff…" several kids whined at once. "no–your father will scold you later if he finds out."

"if he finds out," the sulking twin repeated, his face hidden behind a fox mask he got for free. tobirama could tell he was grinning.

"where's uh…" tobirama counted the kids. they're missing a couple boys who went off looking for goldfish. "where are riceball and seaweed?"

"you mean mochi and nori," the other twin corrected him, the baby in his arms asleep.

"i is riceball!" a toddler screamed and kicked his leg.

tobirama winced. "right, them. can someone fetch them while we're waiting here?" he sat on a bench. riceball climbed onto his lap, latching herself onto him and dozing off.

"fiiiiine," the masked twin left.

he felt something tickled his cheek. glancing, he saw his niece (which one is this, konyaku?) making patterns on his skin using a newly gained ink brush. "konyaku, stop it."

she pouted. "rude! i'm not konyaku!"

"sorry–maguro, don't draw on my face."

"kidding, i am konyaku," she grinned as she drew exaggerated eyebrows on his forehead. the other kids laughed at him.

screams and explosions cut their mirth short. tobirama stood, watching an oak tree sprung into existence, its branches destroyed anything in their paths. before he could do anything, he saw mochi and nori wrapped on the branches and tossed into his directions. they landed safely, but crying and wailing.

"not again!" the baby-carrying twin screamed. "mama said you shouldn't use mokuton in the village, tajima!"

tajima, the masked twin, slid off a branch gracefully "it's because they don't wanna go home, butsuma! and i managed to make only one tree this time, instead of sprouting an entire forest–"

butsuma's eyes flared red. "mama will be ashamed when she finds out."

"if she finds out," tajima repeated mockingly.

"stop it, both of you!"

tobirama managed to unlatch sleeping riceball from his torso when the twins began to exchange punches. they hit both sides of his head at the same time, darkening his vision.

his nieces and nephews endlessly calling and calling him…

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"get dressed, quick."

"wha–" his robe was thrown to him. tobirama groggily shoved it away, fighting the urge to continue sleeping. it wasn't morning yet, and the snow had been piling high outside. such a perfect time to sleep. "what happened?"

izuna was already fully dressed, combing her hair with her fingers and tying it into her usual ponytail. "a messenger just arrived. your sister has given birth."

tobirama jumped out of bed, getting dressed while heading to the front door. the faces in his dream weren't quite fading yet, but at least it was a dream, and he was grateful of it.

"i hope they're already thinking of names," izuna said as they leaped from roof to roof towards the hokage residence.

"names? isn't one enough?"

"they got twins. boys. i hope they don't name them after our fathers," she rolled her eyes, scoffing. "it would be awkward, and i'd veto it."

tobirama's stomach suddenly felt very, very sick.