lítost

(n.) a state of agony, torment or sorry said to be created by the sudden sight of one's own misery.

"Hey, is Ari back at the house in Connecticut with you?"

"No, she's not."

"Hey, Steph, I don't know why I'm asking this, but is Ari with you?"

"No, definitely not. Is she missing or something?"

"Has Ari called you? Nobody's known where she is since last night."

"No, she hasn't. She hates my guts right now."

"This is Vince McMahon of the WWE, I just wanted to know if an Ariette Levesque checked out this morning?"

"No, sir, I'm just checking our records now and I'm afraid she hasn't."

"This is going to sound strange, but did Ari call you last night after she blew up at you?"

"… BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA."

"I don't expect you to respond to this, but Ari took off from the show last night and I was thinking she might have called you? She was upset when she left and, well, I don't know, I just thought maybe she'd turn to you. Just please just send me a message if she did. Alright, bye."

Nothing.

"Come on, Ari. Pick up the phone, pick up the phone…"

"Hi, this is Ariette! I can't answer the phone right now but leave a message and I'll get back to you as soon as I can!"

Vince had already left four.

He was currently standing on the tarmac of Worcester Regional Airport, watching his plane pull into the taxiway. Vince wasn't going anywhere though, not until he found out where his granddaughter was. Deciding against recording a fifth voicemail, he took his phone away from his ear and continued his search for other people he could ask about Ari. Vince wasn't quite at the stage where he was calling the police demanding a missing person's report, but he was most definitely worried.

Right up until he received a message:

Cameron just called me. Ari's with him in Boston. Kid's sleeping off a massive hangover.

Vince, who had gone from worried to seething in a space of three seconds, immediately sent back:

What's your boy's number?

"COME ON! JUST HIT THE DAMN BALL!"

I woke up with a dry mouth and a pounding headache on a couch I didn't recognise. The yelling startled me, and I shot up.

"Oh, I'm so sorry, I forgot you were there." I heard.

Cameron's friend from last night was sitting on the other couch, both his hands up at me. I only loudly exhaled and flopped back down again.

I didn't remember every little detail, but I did recall that last night was a disaster (one perhaps might even say a tragedy) of epic proportions. For those of you that need a refresher, I…

Incorrectly assumed I was getting asked out:

"Hey, I was just wondering… if they had garlic bread at catering tonight? I saw you there earlier."

Cussed out my biological father:

"STAY THE FUCK AWAY!"

Got obscenely drunk at a party I basically invited myself to:

"BEND OVER TO THE FRONT! TOUCH YOUR TOES! BACK THAT ASS UP AND DOWN AND GET LOW!"

And managed to get roofied by ignoring the all-important rule all women should follow at all times: Never leave your drink alone:

"Derimakessevoma?"

"I don't mean to be rude, but, where am I?" I asked, breaking the silence again.

"Cameron's apartment. I'm Ajay, by the way. I live here with him. He's out getting some stuff at the moment, but he'll be back soon." The guy on the other couch answered.

I quietly sighed, while I was certain that not everything was okay (for all I knew, I could have been reported missing by now), at least I hadn't been abducted.

"Thank you for trying to warn me last night, and sorry for blowing you off." I said, following it with a polite chuckle.

"Heh, don't worry about it, it happens to the best of us." Ajay responded.

"Do you know who put it in?" I questioned after a short period of silence.

"Nah, sorry. It happens more times here than anyone wants to admit, it was probably just some creep who was following you around."

"I don't know whether that should calm me or make me more worried." I muttered, putting my arm over my eyes. As I spoke, I heard a door open, and all of a sudden there was a Gatorade in my lap. I looked up to see Cameron peering over the edge of the couch at me.

"Heyyyyyyyyy- I can't think of a word to call you right now besides your name that isn't totally inappropriate." He said, with a musical tone in his voice. We both laughed, and it wasn't long before I covered up my face in embarrassment.

"Oh my god, I am so sorry, I completely ruined your night." I cringed.

"Don't worry about it, I was looking for an excuse to leave anyway." Cameron said, shrugging. I softly chuckled before looking at the TV again, as if it was on cue, a UFC promo began the moment I looked over:

"12 months in training, but an entire lifetime in the making… One last chance for greatness against one of the most terrifying fighters of the modern era, and what better place to have it out than America's Playground? See former WWE superstar Paul 'Triple H' Levesque take on the undefeated Kemal 'Colossus' Kaplan at UFC 243 in Atlantic City on September 17. Order it now on ESPN+ or purchase your tickets at , but hurry, seats are running out fast. This one is not to miss."

I furrowed my eyebrows, of course, I had heard that my dad was going to have a fight in the UFC, but none of it seemed real until I saw that promo. He'd talk about how he could probably do it all the time, but Mom always talked him out of getting in touch with Dana White, saying that he could get seriously hurt and he had four little kids to worry about. I guess he had no one in his ear trying to stop him after everything went to shit…

"Ajay and I are thinking about going down to Jersey for that. He's a Kaplan fan." Cameron said, pointing at Ajay. He waved at me before flexing his biceps in an awkward position.

"Colossus crushes!" Ajay bellowed in a stereotypical Russian accent.

"Isn't he Israeli?" I asked Cameron, looking up at him. He was already pinching the bridge of his nose in exasperation and slight embarrassment.

"I've told him that… many times." Cameron sighed. He then chuckled, slightly uncomfortably, before looking at Ajay. There was a particular look in his eyes, one I had seen before, but I couldn't quite but my finger on, and when I looked over at Ajay, he was staring at Cameron the exact same way.

"So, anyway…" Cameron said suddenly after briefly shaking his head. "Do you want to come down with us if we do? I know everything's super weird between you and Paul now, but it seems like it would be a good fight."

"Hmm..." I paused, having absolutely no idea as to whether I wanted to see my father get the shit beaten out of him or even beat the shit out of someone else (but considering Kaplan's win/loss record, it was probably going to be the former). Before I had the chance to continue, an 8-bit version of Edge's theme song began blasting from Cameron's pocket.

"Hold that thought." He mumbled to me, before pulling a phone out of his pocket and answering.

"Hey, this is Cameron… Yes, she's with me… Oh… I… Well… Yes, she did tell me that… No, sir, that wasn't what I was intending… O-okay, I will." Cameron then held out his phone to me, a slight look of fear on his face.

"It's your grandpa. He's not happy."

"How could you have thought that was a good idea?! Do you understand the worry you caused?! I had most of the crew driving around Worcester county looking for you!"

"I was angry."

"I don't care if you were turning pink with blue polka-dots, you don't just take off from a show like that. Get on the plane."

After yelling at me on the phone for fifteen minutes straight, Grandpa had sent someone to pick me up from Boston. We were now standing on the tarmac of Worcester Regional airport, directly in front of his jet, I loved riding in it when I was younger, but now I would have preferred literally anything else to a private plane ride with my fuming grandfather. But, not wanting to piss him off more, I grumbled, crossed my arms and marched up the steel steps onto the plane.

"What about the car? That's still in Boston." I pointed out after I had entered.

"I sent someone else to get that. You are so, so lucky that I have more than one key made for that car, kid. Also, you've lost all car privileges, the next car you drive is your own, do you understand? If you're going to act like a child and just run off, then I'm going to treat you like one." Grandpa growled, walking in behind me and taking a seat. I awkwardly took one straight after, feeling his eyes stare daggers at me the whole way down.

"Would you have stayed?" I asked after a brief period of silence. Grandpa only glared at me for a few moments.

"Maybe, but if I chose not to, I would have called somebody telling them where I was going." He answered bitterly. I only sighed before looking out the window, afraid that if I made anymore eye contact with Grandpa, he might have literally thrown something at my head.

"I wasn't even going to give the option of coming, because I know that there's no way you'd want to, but your mother's having this family dinner tonight. She's going to be there obviously, your grandmother and I going to be there, your sisters are going to be there, your uncle and your cousins are going to be there… And guess what? You are coming." Grandpa ordered, pointing right at me.

"Oh my god, Grandpa, I'm not on talking terms with a third of the people on the list, do you have any idea how awkward that whole thing will be if I go?" I protested, running both hands through my hair.

"You know what else was awkward? Having to call five different employees and say: 'Oh, you can stop looking for my granddaughter, she's not dying in a ditch somewhere in Worcester, she's hungover on a couch in Boston.'" Grandpa sighed, "I need a drink." He added, picking up a glass and a decanter filled with whiskey sitting on a surface beside him.

"It's not even midday, it's not even 11am." I pointed out, narrowing my eyes.

"When you've been up since three wondering where your granddaughter is, it most certainly is."

"Grandpa-"

"Not another word. I'm serious. Not another word until this plane lands again."

"You could've dressed for the occasion, you know?"

"I think you should just appreciate the fact that she didn't lock herself in the pool house and refuse to come."

"I agree with Grandma. You should." I uttered, right before taking a sip of fruit smoothie I had made just before we left the house. I didn't even like fruit, I just wanted to stall Grandma and Grandpa. I had also showered, taken an Alka-Seltzer to sober up, and had dressed in my favourite Dr Seuss jammies.

Grandpa only grunted in response and shook his head before reaching forward and ringing the doorbell. My breath caught in my throat when I heard the sound it made; the same sound I had heard over and over again for eighteen years. A sound that I wasn't sure I ever wanted to hear again.

Fuck me, if you can't even make it past the doorbell without getting emotional, then this isn't going to be a very fun night.

And then I heard something that was about a million times worse.

"Come in! I'm in the kitchen!"

"Yeah! She's actually cooking for once!"

It was my mom and my uncle, bantering as usual, but regardless of how hilarious I found it when I was young, it now made me teary-eyed for reasons I didn't completely understand. Unfortunately for me (since crying in front of people might have been my least favourite activity in the world), Grandma looked back and noticed.

"Are you okay, honey? You don't have to do this if you really don't want to, I can drop home." Grandma said.

"I'm okay, I'm fine. Can I just stay outside for a moment?" I mumbled, wiping my eyes. As shitty as I was about being forced to do this, I was too scared of what everyone would think of me if Grandpa announced to everyone that I was literally outside the door then decided to go home.

Grandma nodded before her and Grandpa entered the house, shutting the door softly behind them, perhaps so they wouldn't startle me (even though I wasn't what you would call on edge, I was just really, really upset). I took a seat on the front steps and let out a shaky breath; the stone felt so familiar underneath my hands, and, suddenly, all these memories that I'd locked up in the back of my brain for the past year came flooding back.

My dad (not the real one, unfortunately) and I would sit on those steps when he had forgotten his keys, waiting for Mom to come home so we could be let in. That didn't really happen anymore after Aurora was born, so that was a really old one.

I once tripped down those steps and busted my lip open; if I thought really hard, I could still remember the taste of blood and dirt in my mouth, as well as the fear in my mom's voice as she carried me into the emergency room. I still had my baby teeth then because I remember that a couple were knocked out; another old one.

I was slow to walk up them every time I stayed out past curfew, whether it was an accident or not. I would see the lights in the kitchen still on and immediately want to run away, but I wasn't a bad kid by any stretch, so I walked in and faced the music every single time.

I remember how the steps felt under my feet when I ran out of the house the night of my graduation, but the feeling I remember the most was that my whole world was ending, and I could do nothing but run away from it.

I also remember how they felt under my feet the last time I came to this house, just two days after my graduation, when I single-handedly destroyed two marriages, my relationship with my father (again, not the real one) and any hope that my 'family' would be a real family again.

I was already crying when I opened the door and shuffled inside. The lights were off, but I could faintly hear the television playing an action movie, and I wiped my eyes as I walked towards the living room. The first thing I saw was the back of Dad's head- Oh god, do I still call him Dad? He doesn't know already right? No, that's what I'm here for.

"Dad…"

I didn't notice I was speaking until it was over, almost like this subconsciousness within me had willed me to say something. I sounded pathetic, I really did, like I was ready to just collapse in a heap and start bawling my eyes out.

Dad instantly turned his head around and he- Jesus Christ, he ran to me and scooped me up in his arms.

"Hey, baby, why'd you run away?" He asked softly, cupping my face in his hands. "I've been scared shitless. What's wrong? Why'd you go?" He questioned.

I lost it right then and I started to sob as he held me.

"Dad," I whispered, "I have to tell you something. I have to tell you something and it's really, really bad and you're going to hate me, and I don't know if you're going to be able to handle it, but I have to tell you."

"Baby, I could never hate-"

He did.

I told him, and then he left that house forever. Not once did he call me, not once did he try and see me before I left for Vietnam (my mom turned up at Grandma and Grandpa's door hoping to see me eight times before I left), he didn't even text me.

I was nothing to him anymore, and the worst part was he still meant the world to me.

I jumped up from the stairs and quickly wiped my eyes when I heard footsteps coming towards the door. I wasn't weird about my emotions or anything, but I just didn't want anyone to know I had been crying… Oh, I guess that did mean I was weird about my emotions.

Please don't let it be my mom, please don't let it be my mom, please don't let it be my mom…

"You okay out here, Hun?" I heard as soon as the door open.

"Yeah, I'm fine, Grandma. I'm coming in now."

"Okay, sweetie."

Grandma walked back inside, leaving the door slightly ajar behind her. I pushed my hair out of my face before wiping my eyes one more time and walking up the stairs again. Reluctantly, I headed inside.

The first thing I saw was the giant wall of family pictures Mom had spent my entire lifetime building; it started with my baby pictures in the centre, then to pictures of me when I was a little older, then to Aurora, then to Murphy, and then to Vaughn. I always remembered it as so beautiful, now it looked so odd and misshapen. That's when it hit me…

Mom had taken down all the photos that had Dad in them.

It felt like a punch in the gut when I realised it. All signs that any of us even had a father had disappeared from that wall, but we did, and he was a great one. Mom was the one in the relationship that fucked up; she was the one that didn't deserve a place on that wall.

Speaking of Mom…

I heard the sound of heeled shoes coming towards me. You had to go around the wall of pictures to get to the rest of the house, so she couldn't see me and I couldn't see her until she turned a corner. Then, suddenly, she did turn the corner.

She was standing right there in front of me.

I wanted to turn around and run straight back out the door, just like I did a year ago, but I remained frozen in my spot. It was okay to run then, now you have to just face it, I thought.

I could see on Mom's face that she was trying to find the right thing to say, her eyebrows slightly lowered and lips pressed together. I imagined I looked similar, as I too was searching for something to say to break the silence. Eventually, I gave up and only gave her a slight nod.

"Stephanie." I mumbled, before walking right past her, around the corner and into the hall.

What? Surely you weren't expecting this perfect tearful reunion. I know I've said this before, but I hate her, I truly do.

"ARI!"

I turned around to see Murphy and Vaughn running straight towards me. Instantly, I dropped my bag, went to my knees and pulled them into my arms. I don't say it enough, and I know I've never really mentioned it before, but I love my little sisters and I felt horrible for leaving them behind.

"Let me look at you, guys." I grinned, shuffling back a bit so I could finally get a proper look at my two youngest sisters. They both had gotten a whole lot taller, but, aside from a few tiny changes, both of their faces were exactly the same. That's when I noticed they were both teary-eyed, and I sadly smiled and hugged them both again.

"Hey, hey, what's going on? I didn't know I was that bad." I said, smiling at my own joke.

"We saw you on the TV, why didn't you come and see us before now?" Vaughn mumbled.

I sighed. I didn't know how much they knew, and I wouldn't say anything just so I wouldn't hurt them, but how on earth was I suppose to explain everything without giving anything away?

"It's really, really complicated, but Mom and I don't really get along anymore, and I wouldn't know if I'd be able to act like an adult in front of you guys and set a good example, but I promise that's exactly what I'm going to do tonight." I answered, ruffling Vaughn's hair.

She only nodded, her facial expression one of partial but not complete understanding. Murphy's face, however, suddenly lit up.

"Rory! Look! Ari's back!" She said excitedly, and I turned my head around to see my third youngest sister standing there with her arms crossed. She was also in her pajamas; I guess it was the universal sign of protest tonight. She was also wearing- Oh god, that's a lot of eyeliner. Whatever, whatever, she's my sister, I love her no matter what.

I got up off my knees and walked over before throwing my arms around her. I had barely been hugging her for two seconds when she shrugged out of my grip, and I frowned as she stepped out of my arms.

"Actually, I'm good." She hissed bitterly before turning on her heel and stomping up the stairs. I furrowed my eyebrows and hmm'ed as I looked back at Murphy and Vaughn.

"Mom said she's going through some chaaaanges." Vaughn hummed, swinging side to side slightly. I only slowly nodded before glancing up the stairs again. Aurora's contempt towards me could have easily been explained by teen angst, but I couldn't help but wonder if it was actually something more than that.

I ruffled Vaughn's hair one last time before continuing to walk towards the kitchen where everyone else was gathered. My mom had already found her way back and was with Grandpa, Grandma, Uncle Shane and-

What in god's fucking name is he doing here?

He was here. He was here. He was actually the first one that noticed me. With an air of caution about him, he slowly nodded his head towards me, making everyone else look over. Unlike Mom, he decided to break the silence without hesitation.

"Hey, kid."

Who thought it was a good idea to invite this asshole? Did anyone think this through? Why did Grandpa make me do this? Oh god, I should have just gone home.

I had dug my hands in my pockets and looked down in thought. Eventually, I realised that I should at least say something; I wasn't coming off as cool or the classy kind of bitter, just rude and awkward.

"Hey, Shawn."

A/N: By god, everyone, I've finally done it. I've revealed He, even though, looking back through chapters now, I can certainly see why a lot of you picked up on who it was lol. Also, wow, It has been a long, long time since I've updated this story and I am so, so sorry, but I'm here now and fingers crossed I can find the time to update a lot more regularly from now on. As usual, follow, favourite and review! Love you guys.